Disclaimer: Harry Potter 'tis not mine!
Hem Hem This, Hem Hem That
Chapter Four ll A Normal First Day Back
The Hogwarts Express pulled into Hogsmeade station. Penny and Emily jumped off, and were as excited and as undignified as one could get that they frightened the already nervous first-years. Of course, Sirius was right behind them.
Lily and James helped the other prefects direct the first-years to the boats, whilst also showing where the second-years should be going. Finally, every carriage was occupied and the seemingly magical carriages pulled themselves onwards to the school. Lily let out a deep breath as the magnificent castle came back into view again, and a smile broke across her face. She would never forget the awe-inspiring, uplifting feeling that had filled her when she first saw the castle, its many lit windows gleaming like jewels in the darkness.
James and Sirius were singing the school song again, this time in unison in a militaristic tune. They, along with the other students, were climbing the stone steps towards the huge castle doors.
The Sorting was conducted and the seventh-years watched it, feeling a sense of nostalgia and even loss as the tiny, wiry first-years scampered into their new Houses, not knowing that the funny-looking eleven-year-old sitting beside them would become their best friend over the years, not knowing that their House would become their family, and not knowing that in six years time, they would be sitting here again watching a fresh batch of first-years being Sorted...
Then Dumbledore rose and the banquest started at the clap of his hands, and Sirius became rather excited as a plate of roast chicken appeared before him. He ate it as quickly and monstrously as one should never eat when in the company of others.
James was hardly showing better table manners than Sirius; his mouth was always packed to exploding point and the only times he let his jaw rest was when he was having difficulty in swallowing or when he felt the need for SPEED...
...that is, pumpkin juice.
The girls chose to look at each other and their plates rather than risk feeling sick by chancing a glance at the boys.
When at last the pudding disappeared from the plates, leaving them sparkling clean, Dumbledore stood up again and spoke his words of welcome, wisdom and willpower. Finally, the age-old man said, "Now it's off to bed! Dear first-years, follow your House prefects to the common-room."
There was the usual rumble and scraping of benches as the students rose, stretching and smiling drowsily at one another. Lily and the other girls were lagging behind the group, chatting lazily, when James wove up towards them and grabbed her wrist.
"Ouch! What is it, Potter?"
James had a very serious expression on his face. "I just thought, as Head Girl, you have the right to know that there is a new vase in the Great Hall," he said somberly.
"Really? Where?"
"Over there!" he pointed and the redhead turned swiftly to look in interest. Grinning, James seized the chance and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. He was off in a flash before Lily had registered what had happened.
"Hey - Potter!" she cried, chagrined, as he ran ahead merrily with his robes flying out behind him.
James turned his head and called gaily, "That concludes our first meeting as Heads!"
For several gobsmacked seconds Lily just stood there, until finally Penny took her by the shoulders and steered her along.
"It's okay, Lil. Just ignore him. We don't need you having any seizures before you take your N.E.W.T's."
James Potter awoke the next morning in good spirits. It was early and the sky was giving a fresh, minty light that he hardly noticed; he never got up early, but had done so today in hopes to stalk - no wait, accompany - one Lily Evans. He had heard she was an early bird and therefore he, too, must be an early bird (or stag, they were so much more handsome and useful) in order to show that they did have something in common.
The end.
His stomach gave a jolt of excitement as he entered the Great Hall. It was almost empty, with only a handful of students here and there on the four long House tables. Only the teachers' table appeared to have the most people sitting on it.
Looking around, James spotted Lily at the Gryffindor table, reading a novel, eating a muffin and talking to another girl sitting beside her.
He was impressed. That girl was talented.
Grabbing a croissant and stuffing it in his mouth, James walked swiftly further down the table and sat opposite and a few seats down from Lily. Pretending he had no idea of this, he took the crossiant out his mouth and began buttering it as if his whole soul was absorbed in it. When he realised that, to an observer, his crossiant appeared to be some pastry with a chunk of butter on top, he grabbed the jam jar and began spooning that on top of it instead.
Out of the corner of his eye, James monitored Lily's every move and even managed to hear snippits of her conversation with her friend. This went on for almost half an hour (his crossiant was all dewy and damp with butter and jam), with Lily completely engrossed in her novel after the departure of her friend. She also ate about fifty muffins, which James found incredibly adorable.
"Morning!"
He glanced up to see Penny and Meddy making their way over to Lily. He quickly put his head down, absently shoving the crossiant in his mouth and making a retching noise.
Curses! Too much butter.
The girls looked across at him in surprise and concern as he spat out the mess into a napkin.
"Oh, hello, James," Penny greeted, shooting Lily a furtive look as she did so, "Err... are you okay?"
"Here, have some orange juice." Meddy passed a goblet over, which a spluttering James took, trying to look suave and cool while doing so. He ended up sticking his elbow in the butter dish.
The butter is not my friend today, he thought grimly.
Lily shook her head while her friends exchanged amused looks, and then chuckled quietly to herself. Potter shoving his elbow into the butter dish was just too entertaining.
What a fool.
And she had noticed him all morning, buttering his crossiant and all.
Honestly.
What a completely foolish, adorable idiot.
Poor little Professor Flitwick was running around the noisy and action-packed classroom, trying to help everyone at once. Because the students were just so incompetent at the Silencing Spell.
James turned around to look at Lily, watching intently as she charmed her raven (for the umpteenth time) to stop making such a racket. She returned the gaze and said coolly, "Turn around, Potter."
He smiled sweetly, "Why?"
"Girl talk," answered Emily, poking at her bullfrog in frustration. It continued croaking and she glared at it. "Quiet, I say! QUIET! Silencio. Silencio. SILENCIOOOO!"
"Include me, I'm a girl!" James insisted with a dazzling smile after Emily had calmed down.
"Oh really?" Lily raised an eyebrow and a smirk crossed her mouth, "So how's your monthly cycle going, Potter? Would that explain why you're such a prick at certain times?"
"Oooh," said Penny dramatically.
James stared at them, decided that they were not to be meddled with, and turned back to his MUCHO sane friend, Sirius.
Yes, Sirius.
A few minutes later, trying hard to ignore the giggling and girly chatting behind him, James was called by Meddy. He turned around apprehensively, "Err... yes, ladies?"
"I was just wondering, James, on the charming topic of your menstruation cycle," Meddy said conversationally, while his eyebrows went even higher, "Whether you use Libra or Stayfree?"
"I... uh..."
What the heck are those? Some kind of disease?
"Libra... I suppose," James finally answered with a weak smile, hoping to make his grand escape. Girl conversations were dangerous waters, he now realised.
They giggled hysterically, and Meddy managed to gasp out, "And tampons?"
"Oh, but of course," he said solemnly.
"Ahh, but of course," repeated Penny sagely, though she was struggling to contain her laughter, "And what size, James? Mini? Super?"
"Oh, neither," James said, now beginning to quite enjoy himself; making others laugh, even if it was at his expense, always made him more comfortable and genial, "I believe mega is the way to go."
The girls exploded into laughter, and James smiled indulgently as he watched particularly the redhead. After awhile, Lily calmed down enough to say, "Okay... that was a little more than disturbing. Here ends our girly interrogation, Potter. You are free to turn around."
"Game on," James muttered as he turned back to Sirius. Sirius held out two frogs, asking for his opinion.
"So mini or super?"
James stared at him in horror. "Oh, Merlin..."
Fortunately, the bell rang then and the class stopped screaming spells as they packed away their things. Lily clutched some books to her chest, including her diary, as she exited the classroom with Meddy. They chattered and complained about their next Potions class and James and Remus caught up with them. Noticing her diary, James snatched it at once and broke into a run when she tried to grab it back.
"Aha, and what sort of girly conversations are documented in here, you suppose?" James teased.
"POTTER!" Lily shrieked, righting the other books she was holding, "Give it back!"
"What's the magic word?"
"I'm going to hex you!" she threatened, pushing her books into the arms of an alarmed Meddy. Without warning, Lily charged at him, knocking James into the wall behind him.
"Hey, Evans - whoa, calm down!" he spluttered, trying to hold her arms back from beating every part of him she could reach. She was so petite, it was almost comical. Several students stopped to watch the spectacle.
Out of breath, Lily switched tactics and grabbed his wand instead. She threw it blindly and it sailed right out of the huge, arch windows.
Silence for a second.
And then -
"OW! What the heck?" an affronted yell came from below.
Remus and Meddy rushed to the window, taking care not to get too close in case they fell out as well. James and Lily were hot on their heels.
Downstairs was Sirius, holding up the offending wand and glaring at it. "Who threw this stupid wand?" he hollered, "Who dares contact the head of Sirius Black with this no-good, ill ridden piece of wood - "
"DON'T SNAP IT FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!" James hollered back, making Sirius look up at once, "It's MINE! Get up here!"
Lily looked sheepish, glancing at James as he ran a hand through his hair agitatedly. "Oops. Sorry," she said.
He shook his head in despair, "Of all things, my wand!"
A bunch of first-years obviously held back in class burst out into the corridor then, flooding the small area as they began to jostle and hurry to their next lesson. Several small kids buffeted Lily and James, who lost his grip on her diary so that it slid out of his grasp and out the window.
"OUCH! What the - again? - THIS ISN'T FUNNY! THROWING THINGS AT ME - DO YOU SEE ME LAUGHING?"
Sirius was having a bad day.
"This is insane," James muttered as Lily started hyperventilating about her diary. He shook his head, fought through the crowd of first-years and tore down the stairs to get his wand from Sirius.
"Lil, let's get out of here - " Meddy started to say, tugging at Lily's sleeve, but -
"What's your problem, you git?" one of the first-years yelled, shoving another boy.
"Don't push me, Wimbler!" the other one spat.
SPLASH.
"My potion!" the former boy yelled, "You'll pay for this, Wimbler!"
"Eat slugs, Kakari!"
"Hey, stop fighting!" Meddy cried as a circle formed around the two boys and first-years began chanting, "FIGHT! FIGHT!"
Lily prepared herself for full Head Girl mode, stepping forward to settle things down, when Wimbler pounced forward and shoved Kakari. Kakari swore and stumbled backwards, knocking hard into Lily.
The redhead gasped and grabbed onto Meddy, but Meddy gave way and so Lily tripped and fell backwards, right out of the window. Her scream lasted for the same split second it took for all the first-years to give a collective gasp and run over to get a better look. Penny and Meddy screamed at the same time, "LILY!"
James was helping Sirius gather his stray books when he heard the screams and looked up. Lily was falling. Down. Now. Onto them.
"Holy - " Sirius said blankly, looking up too.
James instantly dropped all the books and held out his arms, but the catch was abrupt and both collapsed onto the ground.
Penny and Meddy sighed in relief, clutching one another. The first-years hooted appreciatively and began to applaud, the fight already forgotten. Remus gave a small smile, glancing at the two on the ground, both coughing. He watched as a flushed Lily hopped off James and then held out a hand to help him up.
"Well," he said, grimly, "I suppose this is a normal sort of first day back..."
A/N: Hehe Haha Hoho. Hehe. Story of my life... these things really do happen to me. Those STRANGE, BIZARRE questions was an occurrence in Science, when a boy bothering us was silenced by our "girly interrogation". :P And possessions do fly out of windows in my school, such as hats, although PEOPLE haven't been subjected to that yet... Hehe. :) - msq.