Fourteenth chapter: Your Witch and the Snitch
It isn't enough to find the Golden Snitch, grab it and think you've won the game. This is where your expert tactics are just beginning. Only if it's been an exceptionally bloodthirsty game do you go straight to the locker room, no matter how tired you are.
It is generally considered good manners to stay in the land of the conscious for at least five minutes after catching the snitch, in order to praise her game-play, and exchange pleasantries about the evening. Whether you intend to take an early shower and return to your own locker room, or whether you intention is more companionable, either way, you should show courtesy to your partner.
A good wizard will take the time to ensure his witch is comfortable, and to see if she's caught her own snitch.
It may come as a surprise to a wizard that a witch can catch the snitch, and even more so that, like any game of quidditch, to win the game does not necessarily mean just putting the quaffle through the hoop over and over again. A measure of subtlety and finesse is required.
Quidditch in bed should be treated as a game with an infinite number of possible snitches. Some witches seem able to catch a snitch 3, 4 or 5 times in a row. What the wizard in the street doesn't realise is that the more times your witch catches the snitch, the better in reflects on your team as a whole, and particularly you as an individual. You don't need notches on the bed-post to know a happy witch - the sparks shooting out of her wand tend to give it away. Especially when she's not in contact with it.
Your witch may never have caught a snitch before (see 'equal scoring: how to tell the real thing) so treat her gently. When you've caught the snitch, don't simply do a victory roll, stay with it, and hold her in your arms in celebration. Let the victory party start with her bludgers, with gentle but firm caresses. Witches have their own miniature quaffles, which they keep near their hoops. if you locate this quaffle, then gently get a sense of it - feel how small it is, and then run your fingers round the hoop, before returning to the quaffle, which should give you an idea of what you're dealing with. Your movements should be firm, and you should respond to the play, rather than going in with any particular strategy.
Ask her what she wants, and whether she likes it or not. She may not answer immediately, nor may she answer in any coherent manner. In this case, the less coherent her manner, the more likely she is to be enjoying it.
The words 'No, No, No' in this context aren't necessarily a sign that she wants you to stop. 'Stop' however is. It is the only time when playing quidditch that the rules do not apply as usual. In fact, by stopping, you might be accused of 'snitchnip' and forfeit the game, or at the very least incur severe penalties.
THis is not a time for heroics, nor is it a time to plunge blindly into an ever-deepening chasm. Take your time to observe the apparent chaos that presents itself, and act accordingly.
The suggestions below are for guidance only, and do not come with any guarantee of success. You may want to try a sensitivity charm, on yourself, so that you do not polish her broomstick too vigorously with your quidditch hardened hands. Such polishing may indeed be counter-productive, and fail to achieve the stated objective - that is, that your witch should catch her snitch.
It has become fashionable amongst some witches to claim that Quidditch is still Quidditch even if you don't put your quaffle through her hoop. Sigmund Freud, the inventor of Psychoanalysis (a kind of Muggle Religion that doesn't have a Deity) wrote that a witch couldn't get the snitch unless she got your quaffle through her hoop. Many female psychoanalysts now claim the opposite: that it's all about her own quaffle, and that unless it is activated, she won't score at all.
While they may have a case, the authors are bound to point out that this isn't very sporting, and could lead to a total emasculation of the game. After all, there's only one all-female Quidditch team, and we know what they're called.
If you become an expert in the manipulation of her quaffle, and show it respect, your witch will not be tempted to go off and play all on her own (or in all-women teams). Don't be afraid to ask her the direction in which it should be approached - her quaffle is much more sensitive than yours: you REALLY don't want to rub her up the wrong way, and direct contact may cause discomfort.
To begin with, take her in your arms gently. Try not to direct all your attention to her bludgers at the expense of missing the hoops. She is likely to be sensitive to your touch, and may be inclined to make some noises. This may be considered like a cheerleader's cry, and on no account should you stop playing. Make use of your hands to caress her all over, listening to what she's telling you, while at the same time experimenting to see what gives a response.
You may find that each witch has different areas of sensivity. Some are universal - such as the area around her own quaffle, and her bludgers, while others may be more idiosyncratic - her upper arms, or the nape of her neck. Do not be afraid to try something unusual - she may find a scoring zone she never knew she had.
Before you play with her quaffle for real, you may like to try on the practice quaffles on her bludgers. These respond to stroking in much the same way, and it is possible for her to catch her snitch through skilful manipulation of these alone.
Her quaffles will respond to different touches as readily as any well-made broom. Like the firebolt, she will have reactions to most caresses. However you might want to be aware that these responses may not necessarily be favourable. Try using different fabrics, or even different broom-polishing techniques. Just as you may enjoy scoring through all her hoops, she may well enjoy scoring through yours, and you should be prepared to reciprocate what you ask or receive from her, as a general rule of thumb.
After a witch has caught the snitch, she may well not want you to touch her for a little while. If you are near to catching your own snitch, then complete your ploy, if you are not, then call for time out, and let her re-group. If it is the first time either of you has caught the snitch or put the quaffle in the hoop, your reactions may surprise you.
Some women may not want you to help her catch the snitch. It is her choice, and not necessarily a reflection on your sportsmanship. However if she starts cobbing, you may take it as an indication that your presence is not required.
---oOo---
A/N This being a magical book, chapters may spontaneously decide to re-arrange themselves. Huge great thanks to TS for providing a large chunk of this chapter. Shouts out to Slytherincess, and all those who've reviewed. More chapters will be arriving shortly.
It isn't enough to find the Golden Snitch, grab it and think you've won the game. This is where your expert tactics are just beginning. Only if it's been an exceptionally bloodthirsty game do you go straight to the locker room, no matter how tired you are.
It is generally considered good manners to stay in the land of the conscious for at least five minutes after catching the snitch, in order to praise her game-play, and exchange pleasantries about the evening. Whether you intend to take an early shower and return to your own locker room, or whether you intention is more companionable, either way, you should show courtesy to your partner.
A good wizard will take the time to ensure his witch is comfortable, and to see if she's caught her own snitch.
It may come as a surprise to a wizard that a witch can catch the snitch, and even more so that, like any game of quidditch, to win the game does not necessarily mean just putting the quaffle through the hoop over and over again. A measure of subtlety and finesse is required.
Quidditch in bed should be treated as a game with an infinite number of possible snitches. Some witches seem able to catch a snitch 3, 4 or 5 times in a row. What the wizard in the street doesn't realise is that the more times your witch catches the snitch, the better in reflects on your team as a whole, and particularly you as an individual. You don't need notches on the bed-post to know a happy witch - the sparks shooting out of her wand tend to give it away. Especially when she's not in contact with it.
Your witch may never have caught a snitch before (see 'equal scoring: how to tell the real thing) so treat her gently. When you've caught the snitch, don't simply do a victory roll, stay with it, and hold her in your arms in celebration. Let the victory party start with her bludgers, with gentle but firm caresses. Witches have their own miniature quaffles, which they keep near their hoops. if you locate this quaffle, then gently get a sense of it - feel how small it is, and then run your fingers round the hoop, before returning to the quaffle, which should give you an idea of what you're dealing with. Your movements should be firm, and you should respond to the play, rather than going in with any particular strategy.
Ask her what she wants, and whether she likes it or not. She may not answer immediately, nor may she answer in any coherent manner. In this case, the less coherent her manner, the more likely she is to be enjoying it.
The words 'No, No, No' in this context aren't necessarily a sign that she wants you to stop. 'Stop' however is. It is the only time when playing quidditch that the rules do not apply as usual. In fact, by stopping, you might be accused of 'snitchnip' and forfeit the game, or at the very least incur severe penalties.
THis is not a time for heroics, nor is it a time to plunge blindly into an ever-deepening chasm. Take your time to observe the apparent chaos that presents itself, and act accordingly.
The suggestions below are for guidance only, and do not come with any guarantee of success. You may want to try a sensitivity charm, on yourself, so that you do not polish her broomstick too vigorously with your quidditch hardened hands. Such polishing may indeed be counter-productive, and fail to achieve the stated objective - that is, that your witch should catch her snitch.
It has become fashionable amongst some witches to claim that Quidditch is still Quidditch even if you don't put your quaffle through her hoop. Sigmund Freud, the inventor of Psychoanalysis (a kind of Muggle Religion that doesn't have a Deity) wrote that a witch couldn't get the snitch unless she got your quaffle through her hoop. Many female psychoanalysts now claim the opposite: that it's all about her own quaffle, and that unless it is activated, she won't score at all.
While they may have a case, the authors are bound to point out that this isn't very sporting, and could lead to a total emasculation of the game. After all, there's only one all-female Quidditch team, and we know what they're called.
If you become an expert in the manipulation of her quaffle, and show it respect, your witch will not be tempted to go off and play all on her own (or in all-women teams). Don't be afraid to ask her the direction in which it should be approached - her quaffle is much more sensitive than yours: you REALLY don't want to rub her up the wrong way, and direct contact may cause discomfort.
To begin with, take her in your arms gently. Try not to direct all your attention to her bludgers at the expense of missing the hoops. She is likely to be sensitive to your touch, and may be inclined to make some noises. This may be considered like a cheerleader's cry, and on no account should you stop playing. Make use of your hands to caress her all over, listening to what she's telling you, while at the same time experimenting to see what gives a response.
You may find that each witch has different areas of sensivity. Some are universal - such as the area around her own quaffle, and her bludgers, while others may be more idiosyncratic - her upper arms, or the nape of her neck. Do not be afraid to try something unusual - she may find a scoring zone she never knew she had.
Before you play with her quaffle for real, you may like to try on the practice quaffles on her bludgers. These respond to stroking in much the same way, and it is possible for her to catch her snitch through skilful manipulation of these alone.
Her quaffles will respond to different touches as readily as any well-made broom. Like the firebolt, she will have reactions to most caresses. However you might want to be aware that these responses may not necessarily be favourable. Try using different fabrics, or even different broom-polishing techniques. Just as you may enjoy scoring through all her hoops, she may well enjoy scoring through yours, and you should be prepared to reciprocate what you ask or receive from her, as a general rule of thumb.
After a witch has caught the snitch, she may well not want you to touch her for a little while. If you are near to catching your own snitch, then complete your ploy, if you are not, then call for time out, and let her re-group. If it is the first time either of you has caught the snitch or put the quaffle in the hoop, your reactions may surprise you.
Some women may not want you to help her catch the snitch. It is her choice, and not necessarily a reflection on your sportsmanship. However if she starts cobbing, you may take it as an indication that your presence is not required.
---oOo---
A/N This being a magical book, chapters may spontaneously decide to re-arrange themselves. Huge great thanks to TS for providing a large chunk of this chapter. Shouts out to Slytherincess, and all those who've reviewed. More chapters will be arriving shortly.