Disclaimer: Harry Potter 'tis not mine!
Hem Hem This, Hem Hem That
Chapter Nine ll Random Filled Day
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"What the--?" Meddy stopped eating her scrambled eggs and dropped her knife and fork, looking up as more and more colourful candy showered down. Many students were squealing and screaming with delight. They began to dance and sing cheerfully.
"Hehehe, oh this is ruddily brilliant," Sirius cackled like a mad scientist, "WHOOT! THE PRANK IS ON!"
And he leapt up and began to holler and scream like the other students. Dumbledore made no action to stop the children from going crazy. In fact, he was, at the moment, absorbed in catching particular Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans before eating them.
"Yay! My wish has come true!" Emily squealed, squinting as some gummi worms dropped on her.
James came streaming in, dodging the wild students and occasionally lifting his head up to catch a lolly or two. When he reached his three best friends, they high-fived each other.
A gasping Lily and Penny ran back in.
"What's happening?" Penny squealed to Meddy and Emily before a waltzing Sirius swept her away.
"AHHH! GET OFF ME, SIRIUS!"
They looked after her as Sirius tried to get her to dance with him amongst the candy and cheering kids.
"Err, should we help her?" Meddy asked uncertainly.
"Nah. She has to realise that she loves him to death one day," Emily said with a grin, "Just like Lils has to realise that she loves J--"
"CANDY!" Lily suddenly screamed happily, running away from her friends. She ran into Remus who grinned at her.
"Hey Miss Head Girl, going to give us detention?" he teased. James was standing right behind him, listening and smiling.
Lily looked at both of their cheeky faces and also smiled. She came in between them and wrapped an arm around both of them, "Nope, just be glad I like sugar. And gee, why do you guys have to be so damn tall?"
Laughing, James suddenly grabbed her by the waist, pinned her on the ground and began tickling her.
---
DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS.
"This isn't dignified in a teacher," Lily was ranting to a very uninterested Emily, "He's ten minutes late!"
"Lils, why do you even care? You're the one who skived History of Magic," Emily pointed out.
Lily looked around anxiously, "SHHH!"
"Everyone, please settle down," came an unfamiliar voice that belonged to an unfamiliar man who had just walked into the unfamiliar classroom.
The students immediately settled down. They had no idea who this man was, and therefore, had no knowledge of how strict he was.
"Man, now who is he?" Sirius murmured to James out of the corner of his mouth.
"Beats me."
"My apologies for any confusion," the man said, walking to the front of the classroom, "Your usual professor has been called off to some personal business or rather, and I have been asked to fill in. I do not know much about defending yourselves in the dark arts, so wands away please."
There was a general groan that travelled throughout the classroom; an unpractical DADA lesson was always boring.
The man gave a wry smile, "I will be teaching you things that Muggle children would be learning. Some of you may have heard of it before. Health; meaning how the body functions and ways to maintain a healthy lifestyle."
Many Muggle-borns squirmed and moaned. Health was not a good subject.
"Settle down, settle down... Now, how many of you have heard of a test tube baby?"
Lily gave an almost silent groan as some students raised their hands.
A girl was picked to explain to the rest of the class what it was, which set off Sirius and James. They both found this subject fascinating and very interesting indeed.
Sirius put his hand up when the girl finished explaining.
"Yes?"
"Sir, does that mean men can get pregnant?" Sirius asked innocently, and the class snorted and laughed.
The teacher raised his eyebrows, "No."
He then moved over to one of the boys in the front row and began to talk to him, so the rest of the class began to chatter amongst themselves.
"Sirius," Meddy said, trying to keep a straight face, "If a guy had a baby, then it'd look abnormal."
James began to laugh hysterically.
"I thought he said he was pregnant," he explained afterwards, referring to the teacher who he had been watching talk to the boys, "I mean, he was patting his tummy and all..." He imitated the teacher patting his stomach.
"Well, men can get pregnant," Sirius said in that sickeningly innocent voice, "Hey! Imagine guys having the... the women's thing."
"Ew!" shrieked Lily and Meddy at the same time.
"You sick moron," Penny and Emily said at the same time, pulling identical disgusted faces.
Remus and James snorted at Sirius' perverted mind.
Sirius grinned like a fool.
"Sirius," Penny said with a sigh, "They wouldn't be called men then."
James began to sing cheerfully, "Walk like a man, talk like a man!" and wouldn't stop until Lily hit him.
Sirius ploughed on with his disturbing speech, "Hey dudes! Imagine men having the women's thing, and women having the men's thing!" he cried gleefully.
"Could you please use a different term than women's thing?" Lily asked, her face scrunched up in disgust.
"Yeah, it sounds so gross," Emily agreed.
"Fine, would you rather me call it the va--"
"Okay, never mind!" Remus cut in loudly.
"I just thought of something..." James said in wonder, "What if people had both!"
The girls glanced at each other warily and shared the same message.
Boys.
"Yeah, they just shag themselves and get themselves pregnant," Remus said sarcastically, rubbing his temples.
"Can you puh-lease move onto a different subject?" Meddy pleaded loudly.
"Sure!" James exclaimed brightly, "But just one last question; what's the point of shagging yourself? You're just taking out all the pleasure of shagging a beautiful g--"
He was interrupted when a book came flying at his head, coming from Lily's direction.
---
LUNCH.
"I believe I can fl-l-ly, I believe I can touch the sk-k-ky," sang James, between huge bites of his turkey and ham sandwich.
"I think about it every night and da-a-ay, spread my wings and fly awa-a-ay," Sirius joined in almost indecently.
"I believe I can so-a-ar. You see me running through that open do-o-or," they sang in unison, both looking dreadfully solemn.
"Shut up, man," moaned Lily, covering her ears.
"No, keep singing!" Emily cried gleefully.
Penny looked horrified, "Absolutely not, I should think!"
They began to argue whether or not they wanted James and Sirius to continue singing the hit song "I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly.
"No, let them sing!"
"No, let them not sing!"
"Sing!"
"No!"
"Sing!"
"No!"
"Eat!"
"Drink!"
"Eat!"
"Drink!"
"HIIIIIIII LILY!" shrieked a very chirpy voice.
Lily blinked a little while drinking her pumpkin juice, telling herself to be calm; she was not under attack; and she will not die. Rewind and repeated. Rewind and repeat. Repeat... repeat... and...
"Hey Amos," she finally greeted the tall, handsome Hufflepuff.
Beaming, Amos Diggory looked down heartily at Lily's companions.
"Why hello," he said jubiantly, "Nice day?"
Before any of them could reply, and before Emily could break down into tears and scream, "MY PUPPY DIED!" (which she did every time a stranger asked her if she had a good day), Amos continued happily to Lily, "Will you go to Hogsmeade with me?"
DUN, DUN, DUN.
The silence was loud.
However, 'twas broken when James dropped his fork onto his plate with a CLATTER.
"What the--?" Sirius gasped, gaping at Amos.
"Holy," Remus said blankly.
"You're joking!" exclaimed Emily and Penny.
Meddy said nothing, but her hand had quickly dropped under the table and was now squeezing Lily's hand; perhaps using some sort of language. Well, whatever she was trying to say, it was obvious.
NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONOOOOO!!!
Maybe Lily didn't understand Meddy's newfound language, or maybe she misinterpreted it.
"Of course," the daft redhead replied sincerely with a warm smile, "I look forward to it."
Amos looked taken-aback, and almost as excited as a little puppy with it's tail wagging and it's tongue lolling.
Hehe, amusing image.
"What? Really? Are you sure? Wow! Wow! Okay then -- err, I look forward to it too. Um, see ya later!" Amos said excitedly, before wandering off to his own House table, going, "Wow-- wow, she agreed... whoa, man..."
"LILY HOW DARE YOU!" shrieked Penny, though she was only putting on an act.
"I'm fearfully ashamed of you," Emily said, exaggerating her accent.
Lily smiled, "Shut up, you two."
But when she glanced across the table where James was sitting, she paused to reflect on WHATTHEHELLJUSTHAPPENED. His cute, little, hazel eyes were full of something glimmery and glazey. In fact, it looked like he was about to shed a tear or two.
GASP.
James Potter was hurt.
Hurt?
Her heart pounding considerably faster, Lily pondered of what to think and do and eat. She grabbed a breadroll and chewed on it thoughtfully, watching James a little closer. He was looking down at his sandwich sadly and moodily.
Lily bit her lip and wondered why she felt so... so guilty.
To everyone's surprise, James spoke up quietly.
"I... uhh, I need to go... to the dorm. Yeah-- I, err, left my Transfiguration book... there. Um, yeah. I'll be back," he said shiftily, getting up automatically and dropping his fork again.
As soon as he had left, Sirius sighed deeply.
"Dude, he shouldn't have said that. This is bad."
"Why?" questioned Emily.
"Because we don't even have Transfiguration today."
---
They had their last class off because of some weird reason or other, so they decided to relax outside, chat and maybe do some homework.
Meddy, Lily, Emily, James and Remus were resting underneath a large willow tree nearby the lake which was inhabited by the giant squid. James had returned to his somewhat normal self, and was bickering with Lily as per usual. Though one might say he did it less heartily and Lily did it too heartily.
"Hey people," Sirius came up to them, his books tucked underneath one arm.
"Hey. Come sit here."
They shifted around to make room for him.
"Where's Penny?" Sirius asked casually, opening up his textbook and taking out his quill.
"She's coming soon," Lily said dismissively, her eyes never leaving her parchment, "Oh damn..." she crossed something out, sighed, stopped writing and began to look through her bag for some Self-Correcting Ink.
Emily was squinting far off (any excuse to distract herself from her foot-long essay), "Yeah... She's here!"
"Really?" Meddy looked up and off into the direction where Emily was looking, "Where?"
"Hehehe, tricked you! She's not really here," Emily giggled. She was an easily amused girl.
"Em," Meddy sighed, looking back down at her work, "When will you learn?"
"Don't think anyone wants to know that."
Silence...
"Dudes, Penny's here."
"Oh, goody," Sirius said cheerfully, looking far off, "Where?"
Emily began laughing again.
"Merlin, Em," Lily said with a grin as she screwed the top of her ink bottle back on, "Do you get some weird pleaure in telling us when our friend is here or not?"
"I suppose so."
Remus and James laughed, but Sirius just looked disappointed.
"She's here!"
Everyone but Remus looked up.
Silence...
"Emily!" whined Meddy as Sirius playfully punched her arm, "Why must you keep lying?"
"Because it's fun," Emily replied smirkingly, rubbing the spot where Sirius had punched her, "SHE'S HEEERE!"
Lily grinned and said sideways to Meddy, "My higher intelligence tells me she's fibbing."
Emily pulled a face, "Well, I got you guys three times, at least."
Silence again...
"She's here," Emily said seriously.
"No, she's not. Stop lying."
"She's here!"
"Lily, you have stooped down to Emily's level. I'm ashamed," James said with a snigger.
"Damn. Well, you guys will obviously never believe me again, will you?" Lily asked, pretending to sniff.
"Of course not, pumpkin."
"Hey, she's here."
"No she's not!"
"Yeah she is!"
"If she was here then I'd be able to see her," Sirius said haughtily. Emily crossed her arms and pouted.
Silence...
"Hey, she's here," Meddy said suddenly.
The boys groaned.
"Not you too, Meddy!"
"No, she is, really!"
"AHHH, PENNY!" screamed Emily and Lily at the same time, startled to see their best friend whom they had been "talking" about for the past ten minutes.
"Um... hey! Nice to see you too," Penny said with a startled smile, coming up to join them with her book bag dangling from one shoulder.
"Oh Merlin, she is here!" Sirius squealed like a girl.
"Uh oh..." Penny whispered, her smile fading as a manical grin spread across Sirius' face.
"PENNY, WHERE'VE YOU BEEN? I'VE MISSED YOU! AWWW!"
"AHHH! SIRIUS GEROFF ME, YOU GREAT, BIG BUFFOON!"
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A/N: Lol, well I hope you liked that! Haha. The pregnant thing was what happened between a (private) conversation between me and my friend. Lol. It was so funny. And the "She's here!" thing was what I kept doing on first day back at school. Our friend was late and I'd be going "Alice is here!" and my friends would all go "Where?!" and I'd start laughing. Finally, she did come and I got a heart attack; I wasn't expecting it. Lol. And everyone was screaming "AHH YOU ARE HERE!". Thank you sooo much for reviewing! Hehe. I BROKE 1000 REVIEWS ON MY OTHER STORY! YAY! XDDD --MSQ.