Disclaimer: Harry Potter 'tis not mine!

Hem Hem This, Hem Hem That

Chapter Twelve ll Echidna Mania

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"When we were cooking Alice forgot the herbs," Lily read off a piece of paper.

She frowned.

"Why in Merlin's name were you cooking my dear cousin?" Penny asked, looking astounded. She was sitting cross-legged on her bed in her cloud pyjamas, while Emily kneeled behind her, brushing her twin's brown hair.

"Oh, our poor little Alice," Emily said, pretending to sob.

"Oh, quiet you two," Lily scolded, moving over to her bed and picking up her pawprint dressing gown, "Mum's sent me a letter and she showed me some of the work Cosima is doing."

"Are you telling me Cosima is cooking people and forgetting to add herbs?" Meddy demanded from the vanity as she rubbed moisturiser into her cheeks.

"No," Lily said with a sigh, tying the band around her waist, "She's supposed to be adding commas. So basically, it's: when we were cooking, comma, Alice forgot the herbs."

The redhead folded up the letter and put it back neatly in the envelope.

"Right," Emily said slowly, switching places with Penny so that now Emily was the one getting her hair brushed.

Lily yawned as she fell back on her bed, "I'm sooo tired."

"So am I," Meddy said matter-of-factly, sitting near Lily's head.

"OW!" Emily yelped as Penny combed through a nasty knot.

"Oops. Sorry."

"Hey, Em," Meddy said suddenly, "What happened to your flying pig pyjamas?"

Emily pulled a face, "Glad to see someone's noticed! They disappeared without a trace."

Lily looked up and, for the first time, noted that Emily was not adorned in the six-year-old flying pig pyjamas that she had worn since their first night at Hogwarts. Every year, however, she would make Lily magic them a little bigger so they would still fit her.

Emily loved those pyjamas.

Now she was wearing apple-and-strawberry PJ's.

"You sure you didn't accidentally throw them out of the window?" Lily asked, keeping a straight face.

"There's an idea..."

---

The next morning (Saturday), the group were found sitting around the common-room after breakfast. Lily felt ready to chuck up; she had eaten way too many scones and muffins that morning.

Meddy's attempts to make her eat Ginger Newts (as they would simply make a tummy ache "go away") just made her feel even worse.

Emily and Penny were fighting, as only twin sisters could, over who would read the December issue of the Duibblerdog, and who would read the latest Teen Witch: What's Hot & What's Not. And also, who would get the life-size poster of Justin Chad Imrie, the oh-so-gorgeous teenage boy who also happened to be the hottest rock (wizard) singer around.

The Marauders were sitting near them, but they were not conversing with the girls. True, Sirius did seem to go green with envy as he occasionally watched Penny screech, "I LIKED HIM BEFORE YOU! I SHOULD GET THE POSTER!", but he flicked back towards his friends so that no one really noticed.

Meanwhile, he and Remus were busy talking to James about his lovelife.

No one noticed this either, but Lily was listening hard as she clutched onto her stomach and wondered why she always had to read the out-of-date issues of the Duibblerdog.

"So, Prongsie, dating any new girls this year?" Sirius asked casually.

"He's not, strangely enough," Remus filled in, "It's like he's stopped... just for Lily."

The sudden stop in Penny and Emily's screamed argument and constant tug-o-war of the poster should have told the boys that they were clearly listening. But the boys were a little oblivious to their surroundings.

"Aww, isn't that sweet? He loves our 'lil Lily," Sirius cooed, nudging James who was putting up a good show of ignoring him.

Lily's stomach did a flip flop and she felt the fifty-hundred scones and muffins in her churning around.

"Love? I doubt Prongs even knows what that is."

Lily suddenly leapt towards the boys and said, "Well, here's the perfect opportunity to learn."

Clutching onto the Bible, she stared defiantly at James (who looked startled) and said, "Potter, remember one Corinthians, chapter thirteen, verses four to seven."

He barely had the time to go, "Why?"

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."

Blushing for no apparent reason, Lily looked up at him.

"I knew that!" James said indignantly, "I am a Christian you know."

Sirius continued to look blank.

"Yeah... well... you remember... Daniel... chapter... two... verse... seventeen," he said, obviously trying to prove something to Lily.

The redhead arched an eyebrow. Then she opened her Bible and began to flick through it. When she found the desired page, she began to read, "Then Daniel returned to his house and explained the matter to his friend, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah...?"

Sirius cringed, "Yeah... remember... that."

Lily smirked as she snapped her Bible shut, "Give it up, Sirius."

"Well, I tried!"

"Yes... tried."

James bit hard on his tongue as he had been very tempted to say, "You're very pretty, Evans." But that, he realised, was not the sort of thing Lily admired or liked.

---

It had been a glorious yet normal Saturday for James Potter and Sirius Black. James was quite proud of Sirius, who had managed to restrain himself from lunging at Penny and Emily and tearing the life-size poster of Justin Chad Imrie into smithereens.

Honestly, listening to those two made you want to snog a hippo. In PEACE and QUIET.

Yick.

The two seventeen-year-old boys were now lazily strolling down a deserted corridor. They had just gotten back from a quick trip to the kitchens, where they ate... a lot.

"Hmm... Ongs can I tie ansfiguring oo?"

"What?" James asked.

Sirius swallowed several times and bits of crumbs flew out of his mouth, "Can I try transfiguring you?"

"Yeah, but as if you could," James chuckled.

"Well, I'll try!" Sirius said indignantly.

"Yes... try."

"You have so much faith in me," Sirius said sarcastically, shoving the last few pasties into his pocket and looking for his wand. He pulled out an object and said, "Enstrata!"

Nothing happened.

"That's a tape measure," James pointed out.

Sirius looked down and stuffed the tape measure back into his pocket. When he pulled his hand back out, he was holding his wand.

"Enstrata!"

James felt a most peculiar sensation as though he had been turned into a pile of jelly. Then he glowed a misty blue as his figure began to shrink... He grew smaller and smaller until...

He was an echidna?

"Holy pies!" Sirius exclaimed, staring blankly at James... the echidna, who looked quite annoyed.

"SCORE!" Sirius yelled triumphantly, punching the air, "Oh yeah, oh yeah, go me, go me... I just transfigured my best friend into an echidna..."

The echidna made a very pissed off noise.

"What's that, Prongsie? Can I change you back? No can do, mate. So sorry. I dunno how. But, before you kill me with those magnificent prickles that I charmed into existence, you'll be quite pleased to know you shall change back into yourself in... twelve hours, I believe."

Sirius sounded very enthusiastic and excited, though James/echidna could not imagine why.

"Well, see ya later! Hehehe... I am so brilliant..." and Sirius skipped off, leaving the poor little echidna to figure out WHAT IN THE WORLD TO DO. Finally, he scurried off quickly, before anyone could find him and do Merlin-knew-what.

---

At dinner, Remus and the girls were worrying over where James was. Normally, they wouldn't care, but James had disappeared with Emily's textbook and she made a big deal out of it. So now, everyone was worried.

That was the power of Emily Walkerdon.

Sirius skidded towards his friends at their usual spot at the table, where they were already beginning their evening meal.

"It's funny how time passes so quickly," Meddy said wonderingly, "Another day is gone... Another dinner is eaten..."

"Another tasty dinner," Penny added.

"Where is James?" Emily moaned, "I want my textbook!"

"We'll see him in the morning," Sirius said carelessly, though it looked like he was biting back the urge to laugh, "No need to fret about it now. Let us enjoy this tasty dinner."

Lily cast him a suspicious glance before shrugging and returning back to her pie.

"Oh, my! That is so cute!" she suddenly squealed, looking at the ground.

Frowning, the girls all turned to see what she was looking at. It was a small echidna crawling towards them. It's big eyes blinked and, Emily thought she might be hallucinating, it smiled.

Sirius suddenly had a coughing fit.

"What?" Lily shot at him, "Well, it is cute!" And she ran over to pick the echidna up. She cradled it gently in her arms and brought it over to the table. Sirius knocked over his glass of pumpkin juice and sounded like he might cough himself to death.

"What's an echidna doing here, anyway?" Remus wanted to know, while thumping Sirius on the back.

Sirius recovered remarkably quickly and shot his other best friend a, "SHUT UP RIGHT NOW AND I'LL TELL YOU THE REST LATER" look.

"Who knows?" Lily said dismissively, still gazing fondly at the little creature who was running around her plate (Penny and Meddy squealed as it made a beeline for their dinner), "It's so adorable!"

The echidna seemed to love the attention the redhead was giving him... or her.

Wink, wink.

"I think you look like a Prickie... yes, Prickie is the perfect name for you! Isn't it, darling?" Lily gushed at the echidna.

Her three girl friends glanced at each other. They were amused and scared for her sanity.

Friends.

"You aren't keeping him, are you?" Penny asked uncertainly. Sirius was now rolling freely on the ground, laughing. But this was so normal that hardly anyone bothered to look or care.

"Well..." Lily said, biting her lip, "What if I am?"

"Um, but Lils," Meddy said, sounding a mite anxious, "It might be the pet of an innocent first-year who's bawling their eyes out at the moment."

"I see no one crying."

"Generally, Lily, first-years stay in their dormitory and cry."

Lily felt like the whole world was against her. The echidna looked up at her with those adorable eyes and she couldn't resist his (or her) charm.

"I'll put up notices on the board," she finally decided, though secretly she knew she was going to do nothing of that sort, "And anyone who might have lost a pet echidna can come and claim him... but only if they can describe how Prickie looks!"

And it was so.

For the rest of the evening, Lily took great care of Prickie. Prickie loved her attention and always wanted to stay in her arms. He (or she) did not seem to like Penny or Meddy or Emily's arms. He absolutely hated Sirius (he bit him on the nose), but stayed on Remus' shoulder for a minute before scurrying off back to Lily.

Lily conjured up a little, comfy bed for her pet echidna when the time came for sleep. However, Prickie did not want to sleep in it. He insisted on staying on Lily's pillow.

"Fine then, you adorable little ball of spikes," the redhead said fondly, "But just wait--" She cast a spell on Prickie so that his spikes felt equivalent to a pile of cotton wool.

"There you are," she said cheerfully, placing Prickie on top of her doona, "Now you won't hurt me if I accidentally rub against you!"

The small creature seemed to beam.

The twins and Meddy exchanged glances over Lily's head, but said nothing.

---

MORNING.

Cocka-doodle-doo.

Lily's face twitched and she rolled comfortably on her side. But as she did, she felt something sleeping next to her.

Or rather, someone.

Opening her bleary eyes, Lily sat up groggily and rubbed her face. She yawned and glanced to her left and froze entirely.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

---

James awoke with a start. For a moment, he wondered why the living hell he was in Lily's bed. As many naughty deeds came flying at him, he remembered...

Sirius' voice was echoing in his mind...

"Oh yeah, oh yeah, go me, go me... I just transfigured my best friend into an echidna..."

Wait, that's not useful, James thought blankly.

"...you shall change back into yourself in... twelve hours, I believe."

Oh, shit.

An annoyed Lily Evans was something to fear.

An angry Lily Evans was something to run away from.

A beyond-furious Lily Evans was a clue to write your death will.

Give my broomstick to S-- no, not that idiot. Remus. Give my owl to Remus. Give my 'Quidditch Through The Ages' to Remus. Give my autographed Chudley Canons poster to Remus. Ah, give everything to Remus and NOTHING to the idiot who shan't be named.

The anger disappeared from Lily's face rapidly and James blinked, wondering if he was dead already. Panic crossed her face and she began to thrash around, throwing her covers aside.

"Lily? What's... happening?" came Penny's voice.

"POTTER!" Lily shrieked, on the verge of tears, "How the hell did you get in here and what have you done to Prickie?"

Still wondering if he was dead yet, James said dazedly, "Uhh..."

"UGH! I don't want to know!" the redhead screamed, "Just-- get out! Out! OUT!"

And she threw her pillow at him, along with her stuffed cat, Gooseberry.

James found his miracle and bolted for the door. He wrenched it open, ran down towards the stairs, and was about to gallop down singing, "OOOH! HAPPY DAYS, WHEN JESUS WASHED MY SINS AWAY!" when the stairs immediately dissolved into a... Super Fun Happy Slide!

"AHHH!" he yelped, tripping over his head and slipping down the slide.

Sirius, who had been waiting at the bottom of the girls' dormitory stairs for Penny, looked up and vaguely took note that the figure of his best friend was flying down towards him.

"What the--?"

James crashed into Sirius, and the two tripped and swore and got all tangled up.

"What the hell, James?!" Sirius exclaimed.

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A/N: Hi everyone! Thanks for reviewing. Right, as for the credits... The "cooking Alice" thing occured to me in English when we had to do these worksheets. Ugh. We had to add commas and one of the sentences was "When we were cooking Alex forgot the herbs" I was laughing hysterically at that. Except I saw my friend Alice after English and I decided to change the name to Alice. End of story. The definition of Love is from the Bible, I had had church that day and the idea just popped into my head. Now, as for the echidna thing... Muahahaha. In Science we were watching a nature video, and I saw an echidna and I was like "That's so cute!" Then Nikki and I began talking until... I made that thing up. Sorta scary!! LUV YOU ALL! --MSQ.