Disclaimer: Harry Potter 'tis not mine!
Hem Hem This, Hem Hem That
Chapter Fourteen ll Swinging Both Ways?
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"I don't wanna be here."
Famous words by James Potter. He did not want to be at Hogsmeade. Why? Simple. Because of a lovey-dovey couple by the name of Amos and Lily. His little redhead was also looking extremely gorgeous, with a white tank top, white blouse and long black pants.
Although James got his way a lot, he still found himself seated at the Three Broomsticks (reminsicing through glorious yet somewhat painful memories of his last visit here with a particular girl), with Remus and Peter. Seated on the table beside them was Sirius, Penny, Emily and Meddy. Seated near the corner was Amos and Lily.
Her long, cascading, red hair fell down past her shoulders in soft waves, and-- James had better stop thinking of her or he might get really sad.
So he shifted his glance back to Sirius and the girls, who looked mightily bored.
Figures... Sirius' speeches always put you to sleep...
"I know you don't want to be here," Remus said patiently, taking a sip of his Butterbeer, "But we sort of have to."
"No we don't!" moaned James tragically, putting his head down onto the wooden table.
"Yeah we do!" Peter exclaimed indignantly, "We're low on fireworks, and also Dungbombs. We have to go to Zonko's to stock up."
A low mumble came from James.
"C'mon Prongs," Remus lowered his voice down a decibel while leaning forward, "Just because of Lily and Amos--"
"Yes, exactly because of Lily and Amos!" James grunted, shooting the aforementioned a sharp glance, "I just don't want to see them-- together!"
"Ja-a-a-a-a-a-ames," Remus whined, poking at his glass of Butterbeer, "Lily is happy, and that's all you should really care for if you really like her! Her happiness!"
"I do want her to be happy," James protested, "But I also want her to be mine!" He clenched his fists and Remus thought he was going to pound himself in the chest like Tarzan.
"Okay, change of subject in need," said the werewolf desperately, "So... how is Elle?"
"Elle? Elle is good," moaned James, "I am not so good. I want Lily he-e-e-ere."
"Well, just call her over," Peter said, rolling his eyes. He looked down at his china cup of Iced-Spice Chocolate and fished out the cherry from the bottom. Then he stopped trying and began adding colourful sprinkes on top.
James just shot him a Look.
"What?" Peter said innocently, his mouth full of cherry, "Lily!"
"Nooo," James moaned and thumped his head back down on the table again.
Lily had looked up at once, and she gazed at Peter intently, "What, Peter?" Amos also looked over.
James kept his head on the table.
Remus shut his eyes and wished he could drown himself in his Butterbeer.
"James wants to--" Peter stopped sharply when James kicked him under the table, "--nothing."
"Uhhh, okay," Lily said resignedly, turning back to her date with the tiniest trace of a sigh.
Okay, she had to admit. She was bored. Bored out of her flippin' mind. Don't get her wrong or anything; Amos was a nice guy and she respected the fact that he was taking the time to at least try and make things interesting. Yet, at the same time, Lily had the sneaking suspicion that Amos was being deliberately boring by talking about politics.
But what kinda boy tried to be boring?
Arranging her face so that she may at least appear interested, Lily chanced a glance back over at her friends. Of course, since they were talking with Sirius, they all looked quite bored. Remus and Peter looked bored. James had his head on the table but she was sure he was bored too.
Since when did un-bored people put their heads on their table?
What a boring Hogsmeade trip.
"...and-- Lily, are you listening?"
I was trying not to, you creepy little warthog.
"Yup, of course."
"Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, my mum has this fantastic soup recipe..."
He must be the first boy in the universe to talk about cooking on a first date.
"...and then it was like CRASH! I couldn't believe I had flew right into a tree! I was all right, of course..."
I wish you hadn't been okay.
"...my dad owns this farm, and we visit it every summer. When I was four, I learnt how to milk the cows and make jam and butter. It was so much fun-- you must come and visit it with me some day, won't you?"
Not on my mum's life, my deranged friend.
"And-- Lily, am I boring you?"
YES!!
"Well..." Lily paused and bit her lip, "Sorry Amos, but... yeah, you are. Sort of." She didn't like lying, but sometimes, exceptions had to be made.
"Then how can I spice things up?" Lily cringed at his words. Oooh, they were terrible and old-fashioned. She looked around for a hiding place where she could... well, hide, and then die in silence.
"Can my friends join us?" she blurted out, still fashioning over her "hide-and-die" idea.
It really wasn't a bad idea.
Amos looked disappointed, "But Lily, this is a date. Not a big group thing. I don't want your friends hindering. If your friends hinder, then my friends have the same right to come and hinder too."
What was he, president of the United States?
Lily cringed again.
Hinder.
Her mind immediately clicked back to the "hide-and-die" suggestion.
"I don't mind if they h--... come along," she said slowly, "I really don't mind... and..."
She broke off and looked wistfully at her friends.
Meanwhile, Remus had concocted the most brilliant idea in the world. He decided to end his friends' boredness. So he stood up, grabbed Sirius by the collar ("...and the muesli served was like YUM, and-- OW! What are you doing, Moony?") and shoved him in the seat beside James, who still had his head on the table.
"Moony?" Sirius said in a small voice, wondering if his friend was okay.
Remus said nothing and began to cram chairs around his table. He then beckoned Meddy, Penny and Em to sit with him, which the girls did, before turning towards Lily and waving obscurely in what she thought either meant "ditch Amos and come join us" or "go up the road and buy us some Cauldron Cakes".
Checking her light money bag and noting that she didn't have enough for eight Cauldron Cakes, she ignored the latter and said feverishly, "Look Amos, I'm not having fun and I really want to talk to my friends. You can come, too... if you want."
"Fine," Amos said snappishly, standing up with the air of offence. He turned to walk away, but then turned back around.
"Look Lily, I'm sorry," he said, looking somber, "I'm sorry that this didn't turn out quite as well as planned. Would you... would you join me at the Hufflepuff table for dinner tonight?"
Lily smiled warmly, very flattered, "Of course, Amos. I'll see you later."
Beaming, Amos bent forward, gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek.
"Bye, Lily."
Smiling distantly after him, the redhead turned back around and trotted over to her friends.
"Hi everyone!" she said happily.
"Hi Lily," Sirius said extremely casually, "How's Amos?"
"He's fine," Lily said autmoatically, sliding into a seat, "Anyway guys, what's up?"
"Many things--"
"I wasn't asking you, Sirius."
"But you were addressing all of us in general--"
"So Em, how're you doing?" Lily turned away from Sirius.
"What am I, some last resort?" Emily said, pretending to be offended.
"A resort?" Peter repeated, his eyes lighting up, "I went to one last summer, they had the nicest ice-cream there..."
James lifted his head, "Florean Fortescue's have the best ice-cream, so no summer-slash-beach resort can ever beat it! Seriously, it's sooo tasty."
"Yes, did someone say my name?" Sirius said briskly, looking around expectantly.
"No, I said--"
"Hey, that's a pretty barrette, Em," Penny said somewhat casually to her sister, "Say, it looks like my missing one from five months ago!"
"Err..." Emily started sheepishly.
"Cosima adores cats. Her bedroom is seriously cat heaven. She has stuffed cats, a cat bedspread, curtains, quilt covers, cat pillow case... Her wardrobe is stencilled and painted with cats, courtesy of our daddy, and she even has a waste paper basket that has pointy cat ears sticking up," Lily was telling Meddy.
"Sounds like a true fan to me," Meddy said with a chuckle.
"I have fan earrings," Penny said, turning to them.
"You know, this first-year asking me if I had earrings," James told Sirius and Remus, "Midgets these days..."
Okay, so now everyone was talkative and chattering and all 'round just happy. But it was getting a little loud and annoying, especially for one boy who didn't want everyone to be bored, but didn't want everyone to be screaming about earrings and cats either.
"WHO WANTS MORE BUTTERBEER?" Remus yelled over the commotion.
"I do!" yelled every last one of them, the conversations ceasing at once.
"Okay, then go get some yourselves. And be quiet!"
They all murmured and grumbled, saying something about being tricked. Penny stood up to fill her tankard, but instantly the girls and Sirius also held their's up too, flashing innocent smiles.
"No, go fill it yourself!" Penny exclaimed defiantly, walking haughtily to the counter.
Lily pouted and set her glass on the table, before going through her bag and pulling out a king-size chocolate bar. Smiling faintly, she unwrapped it and bit into it.
"Can I have some?" James asked her innocently.
She stopped staring out the window and cocked her head to one side, widening her emerald eyes, "Why?"
" 'Coz I like chocolate," James answered, still ever-so-innocently.
"But I like chocolate too."
"Well, why don't you be nice and give me some?"
"And why should I?" Lily said, a smile stretching the corners of her mouth.
"Because sharing is caring!"
"Please don't make me remind you that sharing is for l--"
"Do not say sharing is for losers, you heartless meercat!" James exclaimed hotly.
"Sharing is--"
"NO!"
"Sharingisf--"
"NO, NO! QUIET!" James clapped his hands over his ears.
"SHARINGISFORLOSERS!" Lily cried gleefully.
"NOOOO!" James glared at her, "Just for that, you're going to be punished!" he shot a look at his friends, "We'll see you guys tonight!"
He grabbed her by the waist and dragged her out of the Three Broomsticks.
"Potter! What are you doing?" Lily shrieked, maintaining a very firm grip on her chocolate.
"Taking you out on a date," James grinned, "Or... you could just give me some of that chocolate."
Lily bit her lip and glared at him, before turning to her precious chocolate.
"I choose NONE!" she yelled triumphantly, and tried to run back into the Three Broomsticks. James grabbed her by the shoulders and brought the kicking and screaming girl back.
"A date it is!" he proclaimed cheerily, "Off to Honeydukes, sweet pumpkin."
"What -- no!" Lily exclaimed indignantly, batting him away and trying to wrestle out of his grip, "Let go of me!"
He would not release her until he had paid for his purchases (one hundred-and-one chocolate bars, Lily was sure he was making fun of her in some way or another) and they had gone back out onto the main street.
"Well, is this the end of the d-a-t-e?" Lily said half-sarcastically.
"The what? Oh... the it. Nope, there's still more to go! To the pet shop!" James cried cheerfully, trying unsucessfully to unwrap two chocolate bars.
"No."
"Aw, come on, Grumpy."
"But the pet shop?" Lily moaned, "Why the pet shop?"
"Because pets are C-O-O-L. The end," James grabbed her arm and tugged her towards a random pet store; the name of it which remains unknown as neither could be bothered to check it.
"You're a p-r-a-t-b-a-l-l," Lily muttered as he dragged her along.
The two entered the semi-crowded store where Lily immediately hurried to the kitten-and-puppy section, which she gazed at adoringly for a straight ten minutes. James stood near her and looked at the toads among other reptiles.
When he wandered over to her, she was playing with a little playful black-and-white kitten wiyj glimmering green eyes which surprisingly matched Lily's. Lily smiled as it purred and rubbed against her hand.
"It's so adorable," she whispered absently to James, rubbing the top of it's head affectionately.
James smiled at her and resisted the temptation to wrap his arms around her waist, "You could get it, you know. And name it Fluffy or Cutie or Muffin or whatever other names you girls have up your sleeves..."
Shooting him a look, Lily said resignedly, "I can't... My older sister's allergic. Otherwise, we'd definitely have one. My younger sister has a sort of obsession with cats."
"Aww, bummer," James said, watching as the kitten bounded over to another girl on the opposite side of the cage.
Lily looked disappointed, then she suddenly gasped and dove behind a glass owl display. On her way down, she grabbed James' arm and pulled him down as well.
"Ow! My elbow!" James moaned, "What was that for?"
"James, it's Amos!" she hissed panickedly, crouching down low and digging her nails into his arm.
"Ow," James repeated, feeling his skin burn.
Lily ignored him, "If he sees me with you, then he'll think I'm cheating on him or something that usually happens in a romance novel!"
James sighed inwardly, the pain from Lily's nails becoming so painful that he couldn't feel it anymore.
"Okay, well here's the plan..."
"There is no plan, is there?" Lily said fearfully, peering out from the sides of the glass display.
"No, there is!" James whispered, "Just let me think of it first..."
"Well, quick! He's coming closer!"
Chewing on his bottom lip and thinking as fast as he could, James snapped his fingers.
"Okay, the plan is to run out of the door."
Lily's jaw dropped open.
And she had thought he had a real plan.
You know, one that might actually work.
"What, and attract more attention?" she hissed.
"Fine then, we'll walk slowly and calmly," James said irritably.
"In disguise," she added quickly, "Take off your robe."
"Excuse me?"
"Well, I'll need to wear it if I want to be disguised! Quick Potter, there isn't time to think you won't look devilishly handsome in your stupid robe! Give it to me now!"
James was a little taken-aback by her choice of words and her tone of voice, but took off his robe nonetheless and handed it to her.
Lily quickly threw it over her.
"That doesn't hide your very distinguishible red hair, pumpkin."
"I don't care, I'm leaving now!"
And with that, the girl stood up and walked quickly yet casually out of the store. James watched in relief as the glass door slowly shut with the tinkle of the bell.
"James!"
James nearly jumped half a mile and swore he trod on someone's foot in his shock. Amos Diggory was standing in front of him, beaming like he had won a contest or maybe hopscotch.
"What are you doing on the floor, big boy?" Amos asked heartily, offering his hand. James took it uncertainly and hauled himself up.
"Err, thanks," he said, feeling very insecure.
"So, what will you be digging tonight?" Amos grinned and winked, "I hear you're quite an excellent Seeker." Wink.
Feeling extremely confused, James replied, "I'm a Chaser on the team..."
"Oh, and captain too, I hear," wink, "Perhaps you could show me some captaincy qualities?" Amos did not wink at this one, but his grin was becoming sort of scary.
"But you're already captain," James said meekly.
Amos paused for a moment, then said, "I hear you've got an excellent broomstick. Mine's pretty good, too. Perhaps we could ride each other's some day?" WINK.
"Are you feeling okay?" James asked, hoping that Amos was not implying what James thought he was implying, otherwise he felt his stomach-full of chocolate ready to come back out, up his oesaphagus and out his mouth.
"What? Oh-- yes-- no. I'm feeling a bit queer, now that you mention it."
WINK-BLOODY-WINK.
James almost screamed.
"Welldon'tstayheretoolongandgetbacktoMadamMeynonassoonaspossibleokayIhavetogonowseeya."
James bolted for the door, wretched it open and found, to his relief, the main street full of many witches and wizards, so any chance of him being homosexually raped went down to around zero.
Oh, ew. That was gross.
"What took you so long?" Lily asked with a hint of annoyance, passing James back his robe.
"Just one thing," he replied heavily, taking her arm and steering her away from the pet store, "If Diggory wasn't dating you, I'd classify him as gay."
"What? Why?"
So James explained.
"Well," Lily said doubtfully when he finished, "I'm not dumping him 'cause of that. He was probably just fooling around. Anyway, if you don't classify him as gay, what do you classify him as? Surely not straight. Even I'm not sure of that anymore."
"No," James said slowly as they moved towards the Three Broomsticks, "Not straight nor gay. Just... just bisexual."
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A/N: Hehe, I hope you enjoyed that chapter, like I always hope so! XD Yup, kerfuffle is definitely a word! I read it in a book one time. Lol. I'm sorry to say I'm going to put an end to this story, because I want to finish it soon. So yeah! Lol, Lily & Amos will break up... eventually. They have to! I shall update as much as possible, which isn't very often. Sorry. :( Thank you everyone for reviewing! It made my day! :)
Yep, there are differences between Penny and Emily that I tried making obvious but not so obvious it was painful. As you can see, Emily is a lot more of a little girl than Penny, who's quite hot-tempered (like Lily) and defensive of her friends. While Penny strikes to be the sort of person to stick up for her friends and family, Emily is the little one who needs to be protected. Lol. Okay, that's one easy way to sum up how they're different in personality. Hehe, bye bye! --MSQ.