Year Four - 1970
12 September, 1970
I am burnt. We spent the whole time in the sun getting burnt. Lucius blonde hair got even more blonde. It's like white blonde now from all the time we spent in the sun. Narcissa's blonde hair has nice streaks now, almost white blonde also. But my black hair, still black as ever. I wish I had pretty blonde hair like 'Cissa. She's so beautiful with her clear blue eyes. My friendship with Lucius has gone beyond friendship, we've made out every now and then under a palm tree while 'Cissa was out in the ocean swimming. We both decided to keep our relationship a secret from her, to spare the feelings. Lucius knows that she's very fond of him and we don't want to hurt her feelings anymore then already.
5 November, 1970
The Yule ball is next month. My mother sent me this extraordinary red gown, but the neck lining is very low. I told her about it but she said nothing of it. She said something about a guy would ask me and to say yes to the first one. She doesn't have high hopes of anyone asking me out. But today, before anyone had a chance, Lucius asked me out. I told him yes for the sake of my mother. I hope this time I do something right and she will be proud of me.
12 December, 1970
5pm
Today is the Yule Ball! I've got on my red gown, and red ruby earrings, with white elbow length gloves. I will write about how it went afterwards and hope all is well.
3am
Horrible, horrible, horrible. If I prayed to anyone, I would be asking for forgiveness for what has happened. My red gown is torn, I cant stop bleeding down there. Rape, I never thought it would happen to me. Why?! Why has this happen to me?! WHY!!!!!!! I've cut my arm to see if this was real or a dream. Lucius, the man I was falling in love with, forced himself upon me. I can not talk about this. I am ashamed. What will my mother say about the dress I ruined. Why me?! WHY!
12 January, 1971
I spent the winter break at the Weasley's. I met their 1 month old child, Charles Weasley. Molly knew something was wrong with me because she told me I don't smile as much anymore. I couldn't tell her what happened at the Yule Ball. I'm not ready to talk about it yet. My soul is still wounded. My heart is still broken. My mother has notice my marks going down and I explained to her that it was the amount of courses I was taking. More later, when life doesn't hurt so much.
13 March, 1971
Bella sent me a new painting, and now I understand what they mean. Pain, grief, darkness. She sent me a new painting of a dead flower, wilting and falling over. This is exactly how I feel. I am a dead flower and no one will ever want a wilting plant. Professor Dumbledore took me into his office today to talk about why my marks in his class were going poor, and I explained to him that his course was to hard for me this year and that I never have time to study with all the other homework that I've had to deal with. I cant sleep at night. I'm always up until 3am and only getting 4 hours of sleep a day. 'Cissa' asked me why I've been up so late and what I do at night. But when I thought about that question, I realized I stay up at night, just staring at the ceiling. I need help. I've told my mother I would be staying over a friend's house this summer. The only place I feel safe. She didn't care, she was too busy getting Bella ready for her first year. Buying nothing but the best for her youngest.
13 June, 1971
I did decent in my classes. I got the minimum grades necessary to be considered passing. Parents didn't care, they were too busy hailing 'Cissa, and getting Bella ready for school. I'm going to stay at the Weasley's this summer. Hopefully I can find a way to forget what's happened to me last year and move on with my life. I am quite happy Sirius will be starting also next year. I have to prepare for my O.W.L.s exam next year. Molly's promised to send me her old study notes right before the test happens. Wow. Year 5. I'll be 15 next month.
12 September, 1970
I am burnt. We spent the whole time in the sun getting burnt. Lucius blonde hair got even more blonde. It's like white blonde now from all the time we spent in the sun. Narcissa's blonde hair has nice streaks now, almost white blonde also. But my black hair, still black as ever. I wish I had pretty blonde hair like 'Cissa. She's so beautiful with her clear blue eyes. My friendship with Lucius has gone beyond friendship, we've made out every now and then under a palm tree while 'Cissa was out in the ocean swimming. We both decided to keep our relationship a secret from her, to spare the feelings. Lucius knows that she's very fond of him and we don't want to hurt her feelings anymore then already.
5 November, 1970
The Yule ball is next month. My mother sent me this extraordinary red gown, but the neck lining is very low. I told her about it but she said nothing of it. She said something about a guy would ask me and to say yes to the first one. She doesn't have high hopes of anyone asking me out. But today, before anyone had a chance, Lucius asked me out. I told him yes for the sake of my mother. I hope this time I do something right and she will be proud of me.
12 December, 1970
5pm
Today is the Yule Ball! I've got on my red gown, and red ruby earrings, with white elbow length gloves. I will write about how it went afterwards and hope all is well.
3am
Horrible, horrible, horrible. If I prayed to anyone, I would be asking for forgiveness for what has happened. My red gown is torn, I cant stop bleeding down there. Rape, I never thought it would happen to me. Why?! Why has this happen to me?! WHY!!!!!!! I've cut my arm to see if this was real or a dream. Lucius, the man I was falling in love with, forced himself upon me. I can not talk about this. I am ashamed. What will my mother say about the dress I ruined. Why me?! WHY!
12 January, 1971
I spent the winter break at the Weasley's. I met their 1 month old child, Charles Weasley. Molly knew something was wrong with me because she told me I don't smile as much anymore. I couldn't tell her what happened at the Yule Ball. I'm not ready to talk about it yet. My soul is still wounded. My heart is still broken. My mother has notice my marks going down and I explained to her that it was the amount of courses I was taking. More later, when life doesn't hurt so much.
13 March, 1971
Bella sent me a new painting, and now I understand what they mean. Pain, grief, darkness. She sent me a new painting of a dead flower, wilting and falling over. This is exactly how I feel. I am a dead flower and no one will ever want a wilting plant. Professor Dumbledore took me into his office today to talk about why my marks in his class were going poor, and I explained to him that his course was to hard for me this year and that I never have time to study with all the other homework that I've had to deal with. I cant sleep at night. I'm always up until 3am and only getting 4 hours of sleep a day. 'Cissa' asked me why I've been up so late and what I do at night. But when I thought about that question, I realized I stay up at night, just staring at the ceiling. I need help. I've told my mother I would be staying over a friend's house this summer. The only place I feel safe. She didn't care, she was too busy getting Bella ready for her first year. Buying nothing but the best for her youngest.
13 June, 1971
I did decent in my classes. I got the minimum grades necessary to be considered passing. Parents didn't care, they were too busy hailing 'Cissa, and getting Bella ready for school. I'm going to stay at the Weasley's this summer. Hopefully I can find a way to forget what's happened to me last year and move on with my life. I am quite happy Sirius will be starting also next year. I have to prepare for my O.W.L.s exam next year. Molly's promised to send me her old study notes right before the test happens. Wow. Year 5. I'll be 15 next month.