*Sunday Afternoon*
She climbed atop the ladder and climbed in the window. Dawson, whom was laying on his bed, sat up.
"Joe, I didn't expect you so soon."
"Dawson, before you say anything, just listen." She said, standing stolid beside the window.
"Of course." Dawson offered.
"I have loved you for so long, Dawson. And I use to wish that you'd just wake up from your constant daydream and look at me and not see your friend, but see some one that you loved with all your heart . . . someone who makes you want to get out of bed every morning. But your friendship has helped me through some of the most trying times in my life. I can't - I won't- jeopardize it, for anything."
He was confused, "I thought this was what you wanted . . ."
"I thought so too, Dawson." She started, and sat down on the edge of his bed.
"Then what changed, Jo?" He asked, intrigued.
She sighed, "When my mother died I did not talk for an entire week, or cry, or scream-but I wanted to. I thought loosing her was so unjust. I gave up all hope in some higher power because I could not understand why they would take my mother away. I had planned on running away, putting as much distance between myself and Capeside as possible. I was going to start over, someplace where no one knew me. My plan was to never open up and allow myself to care for anyone again, that way if I lost them I would not feel it. Now, as grandiose as this plan seems for a thirteen year old, I still planned on going through with it. I packed up my bag but I couldn't do it. You know why, Dawson?"
He shook his head.
She continued, "Because I did not want to loose you. I could not imagine being anywhere without you in my life. I stayed because of you."
He smiled but she refused to meet his eyes and continued, "Relationships are complicated to begin with. Most end ugly and the two people involved hardly ever speak to each other again-I just cannot imagine that for us, Dawson. I'm not saying that it would end like that, but I refuse to put myself in a position where you are not in my life."
Dawson was pleased to know that Joey held their friendship in such high regard. But at the same time, it still felt as though her words were stomping on his heart.
"Jo, we transcend all this "My Best Friends' Wedding" crap. If anyone can make a relationship work-don't you think it could be two best friends?"
She sighed, realizing that what she had said had gone over his head or he had just refused to believe it. She got up off the bed and went towards the window.
"Come on, Jo-" He started.
She stood by the window and turned towards him, "You are my best friend, Dawson. You've seen me at my best and at my worst and you accept me, which is a lot more then most people have ever done for me. But you live in this dream world where everything has the happy and oft predictable ending. And as much as that part of myself wants to believe that we will have that ending, I just don't see it happening. You see me as the princess or the heroine, but I do not think that you have ever taken your rose-colored glasses off and * really * seen me. You see the Joey you want to see and for a while I tried to be her-but that is not who I am."
He was stunned to silence. He was frozen on the edge of his bed, staring at Joey and really seeing her for the first time. He tried to say something but his lips did not move.
"Sorry, Dawson." She offered, and left before he could protest.
~*~*~*~
Pacey was sitting at the counter of Screen Play Video with his feet propped up on the counter top. On the television before him was the movie Angus. He was not really watching it, his mind was too busy with thoughts of Joey that it could have been porn before him and he would be clueless.
His thoughts were interrupted when the bell above the door jingled. He looked up and his heart froze when he saw her. She walked up to the counter and he put his feet down on the floor.
"Potter." He offers.
"Pacey . . ." She starts.
He interrupts, "I assume you're here to tell me that you like me as a friend, but Dawson is who you want to be with. That you are flattered but you could never return my feelings . . ."
She walks around the counter and faces him, "If you had just let me finish then you would already know that I came here to kiss you back, Pace."
He dared to smile slightly, "Potter, are you serious? Cause if you are here to toy with my mind, then . . ."
She silenced him with a kiss. He pulled her into the chair he was sitting in. It took a lot of strength to pull away from him.
"Are you convinced yet, Pace?"
"No," He answered, jokingly, and then smiled.
They shared a quick kiss again; both hated to pull away but did not want the other to become uncomfortable in any way.
"I don't know what this is, I blame it entirely on hormones." She offered.
"So you don't find me attractive in the slightest?" He asked, skeptically.
She smiled, "Well, you have an above average butt. That is all I'll give you credit for."
He smiled, "You've been checking out my backside, Potter?"
She smiled nervously and he pulled her into another kiss. Because they were otherwise occupied, they did not hear the bell ring as someone entered the store.
The visitor walked to the counter and cleared her throat.
Pacey and Joey separated and turned to the visitor. Joey blushed and Pacey smiled, "Jenny, to what do we owe this pleasure?"
She ignored his question, "So, Joey, I guess that little talk of ours helped?"
Pacey looked at Joey in disbelief.
Jen continued, "Does Dawson know that you two are . . ."
"No." Joey answered, "But he could probably use a friend."
"I'll get right on that." She offered and took off to find Dawson.
~*~*~*~
" Hell of a weekend, huh?" Jen offered, entering Dawson's room.
He looked at her quizzically, "I miss you, Dawson."
He sighed, "Jen . . .I just want to be alone right now . . ."
She interrupts him, "You shouldn't be alone right now."
" Well I am alone, I might as well get used to it. You break up with me and then Joey blows me off."
" You're not alone, Dawson, don't ever think that. So we are not together, that doesn't mean that we are still not friends. And Joey, Dawson, do you honestly think that she is just going to stop being your friend?"
"She said that she doesn't want to ruin our friendship," He started, "What a line . . . and it's true. If we got together and it didn't work then we would be left with nothing. And I cannot imagine her not in my life, Jen. But how am I suppose to just pretend that it never happened? I wish I could just rewind the entire day and just keep my mouth shut."
"Dawson, we all wish we had that little rewind button now and then. We all wish that we could erase the mistakes we make that simply. And other days we wish we could just fast forward and see how everything turns out. But this is not the end of the world. You'll get up tomorrow, go to school, and face her. She has been your best friend for years, Dawson, without the rewind button. She is not going to abandon your friendship. It may be difficult, but the sooner you start trying to get back to where you were, the sooner you'll be there."
He sighed, "But what do I do when she starts dating, Jen? It's bound to happen. Am I suppose to just accept it with a smile on my face?"
" Dawson, you just have to let things run their course and you have to let her do what she wants."
" I can't let her go. You were right, Jen, she was right in front of me the entire time and I didn't see it, not until Pacey brought it up. I don't think I can just stand by and pretend she means nothing to me."
" What else can you do?"
He said nothing and instead brushed his fingers through his hair in frustration and confusion.
"I know this must seem like the hardest thing in the world right now, Dawson, but in the long run it's better that you figured this out now. Especially since . . ." She stopped in mid-sentence, knowing she had said too much.
"Jen? What aren't you telling me?"
"Nothing."
" If it's nothing, then why did you stop in mid-sentence?"
" I-" She started, but stopped, unsure how to dig herself out of this hole.
"Okay, the fact that you're not answering says everything."
She looked at him guiltily but said nothing. He could read her for the first time, like how he had always believed he could read Joey. He could see that she was concealing something-something big. And suddenly he realized he had not told her about asking Joey out, which meant she had to have heard it from Joey herself.
"It has to do with Joey, doesn't it?", He paused, "It does, doesn't it?"
" Dawson, it is not my place . . ."
Suddenly he realized, "Pacey made a move? She chose him? Is that why she came over here, to clear her conscious?"
She said nothing and he knew it was true.
He struggled out a sound that could have been a laugh.
"Dawson, don't-" She started.
" I'm fine." He offered, in an attempt to end the discussion.
" No, you are not fine. Dawson, please, don't do anything rash-"
He took off and left the room, leaving Jen alone. She hoped that she hadn't just caused a bigger rift between the three friends.
~*~*~*~
Joey pushed Pacey away, "Wait. Don't you think we should slow down?"
He looked at her quizzically, "Slow down?"
"Pace, I think you need to know something."
"What?" He asked, curious.
"Dawson asked me out-this morning-after you left."
"And what did you say to him?" He asked, quizzically.
"I told him that I did not want to ruin our friendship-and that is still true. I think we have to tell Dawson about * us * before he finds out some other way."
Pacey offered, "Do we have to do it * now *?"
She smiled and leaned in to kiss him, "I promise, we'll do it quickly, like taking off a band aid."
"My shift doesn't end for another hour."
She smiled, "I'll meet you here when your shift is over."
She climbed atop the ladder and climbed in the window. Dawson, whom was laying on his bed, sat up.
"Joe, I didn't expect you so soon."
"Dawson, before you say anything, just listen." She said, standing stolid beside the window.
"Of course." Dawson offered.
"I have loved you for so long, Dawson. And I use to wish that you'd just wake up from your constant daydream and look at me and not see your friend, but see some one that you loved with all your heart . . . someone who makes you want to get out of bed every morning. But your friendship has helped me through some of the most trying times in my life. I can't - I won't- jeopardize it, for anything."
He was confused, "I thought this was what you wanted . . ."
"I thought so too, Dawson." She started, and sat down on the edge of his bed.
"Then what changed, Jo?" He asked, intrigued.
She sighed, "When my mother died I did not talk for an entire week, or cry, or scream-but I wanted to. I thought loosing her was so unjust. I gave up all hope in some higher power because I could not understand why they would take my mother away. I had planned on running away, putting as much distance between myself and Capeside as possible. I was going to start over, someplace where no one knew me. My plan was to never open up and allow myself to care for anyone again, that way if I lost them I would not feel it. Now, as grandiose as this plan seems for a thirteen year old, I still planned on going through with it. I packed up my bag but I couldn't do it. You know why, Dawson?"
He shook his head.
She continued, "Because I did not want to loose you. I could not imagine being anywhere without you in my life. I stayed because of you."
He smiled but she refused to meet his eyes and continued, "Relationships are complicated to begin with. Most end ugly and the two people involved hardly ever speak to each other again-I just cannot imagine that for us, Dawson. I'm not saying that it would end like that, but I refuse to put myself in a position where you are not in my life."
Dawson was pleased to know that Joey held their friendship in such high regard. But at the same time, it still felt as though her words were stomping on his heart.
"Jo, we transcend all this "My Best Friends' Wedding" crap. If anyone can make a relationship work-don't you think it could be two best friends?"
She sighed, realizing that what she had said had gone over his head or he had just refused to believe it. She got up off the bed and went towards the window.
"Come on, Jo-" He started.
She stood by the window and turned towards him, "You are my best friend, Dawson. You've seen me at my best and at my worst and you accept me, which is a lot more then most people have ever done for me. But you live in this dream world where everything has the happy and oft predictable ending. And as much as that part of myself wants to believe that we will have that ending, I just don't see it happening. You see me as the princess or the heroine, but I do not think that you have ever taken your rose-colored glasses off and * really * seen me. You see the Joey you want to see and for a while I tried to be her-but that is not who I am."
He was stunned to silence. He was frozen on the edge of his bed, staring at Joey and really seeing her for the first time. He tried to say something but his lips did not move.
"Sorry, Dawson." She offered, and left before he could protest.
~*~*~*~
Pacey was sitting at the counter of Screen Play Video with his feet propped up on the counter top. On the television before him was the movie Angus. He was not really watching it, his mind was too busy with thoughts of Joey that it could have been porn before him and he would be clueless.
His thoughts were interrupted when the bell above the door jingled. He looked up and his heart froze when he saw her. She walked up to the counter and he put his feet down on the floor.
"Potter." He offers.
"Pacey . . ." She starts.
He interrupts, "I assume you're here to tell me that you like me as a friend, but Dawson is who you want to be with. That you are flattered but you could never return my feelings . . ."
She walks around the counter and faces him, "If you had just let me finish then you would already know that I came here to kiss you back, Pace."
He dared to smile slightly, "Potter, are you serious? Cause if you are here to toy with my mind, then . . ."
She silenced him with a kiss. He pulled her into the chair he was sitting in. It took a lot of strength to pull away from him.
"Are you convinced yet, Pace?"
"No," He answered, jokingly, and then smiled.
They shared a quick kiss again; both hated to pull away but did not want the other to become uncomfortable in any way.
"I don't know what this is, I blame it entirely on hormones." She offered.
"So you don't find me attractive in the slightest?" He asked, skeptically.
She smiled, "Well, you have an above average butt. That is all I'll give you credit for."
He smiled, "You've been checking out my backside, Potter?"
She smiled nervously and he pulled her into another kiss. Because they were otherwise occupied, they did not hear the bell ring as someone entered the store.
The visitor walked to the counter and cleared her throat.
Pacey and Joey separated and turned to the visitor. Joey blushed and Pacey smiled, "Jenny, to what do we owe this pleasure?"
She ignored his question, "So, Joey, I guess that little talk of ours helped?"
Pacey looked at Joey in disbelief.
Jen continued, "Does Dawson know that you two are . . ."
"No." Joey answered, "But he could probably use a friend."
"I'll get right on that." She offered and took off to find Dawson.
~*~*~*~
" Hell of a weekend, huh?" Jen offered, entering Dawson's room.
He looked at her quizzically, "I miss you, Dawson."
He sighed, "Jen . . .I just want to be alone right now . . ."
She interrupts him, "You shouldn't be alone right now."
" Well I am alone, I might as well get used to it. You break up with me and then Joey blows me off."
" You're not alone, Dawson, don't ever think that. So we are not together, that doesn't mean that we are still not friends. And Joey, Dawson, do you honestly think that she is just going to stop being your friend?"
"She said that she doesn't want to ruin our friendship," He started, "What a line . . . and it's true. If we got together and it didn't work then we would be left with nothing. And I cannot imagine her not in my life, Jen. But how am I suppose to just pretend that it never happened? I wish I could just rewind the entire day and just keep my mouth shut."
"Dawson, we all wish we had that little rewind button now and then. We all wish that we could erase the mistakes we make that simply. And other days we wish we could just fast forward and see how everything turns out. But this is not the end of the world. You'll get up tomorrow, go to school, and face her. She has been your best friend for years, Dawson, without the rewind button. She is not going to abandon your friendship. It may be difficult, but the sooner you start trying to get back to where you were, the sooner you'll be there."
He sighed, "But what do I do when she starts dating, Jen? It's bound to happen. Am I suppose to just accept it with a smile on my face?"
" Dawson, you just have to let things run their course and you have to let her do what she wants."
" I can't let her go. You were right, Jen, she was right in front of me the entire time and I didn't see it, not until Pacey brought it up. I don't think I can just stand by and pretend she means nothing to me."
" What else can you do?"
He said nothing and instead brushed his fingers through his hair in frustration and confusion.
"I know this must seem like the hardest thing in the world right now, Dawson, but in the long run it's better that you figured this out now. Especially since . . ." She stopped in mid-sentence, knowing she had said too much.
"Jen? What aren't you telling me?"
"Nothing."
" If it's nothing, then why did you stop in mid-sentence?"
" I-" She started, but stopped, unsure how to dig herself out of this hole.
"Okay, the fact that you're not answering says everything."
She looked at him guiltily but said nothing. He could read her for the first time, like how he had always believed he could read Joey. He could see that she was concealing something-something big. And suddenly he realized he had not told her about asking Joey out, which meant she had to have heard it from Joey herself.
"It has to do with Joey, doesn't it?", He paused, "It does, doesn't it?"
" Dawson, it is not my place . . ."
Suddenly he realized, "Pacey made a move? She chose him? Is that why she came over here, to clear her conscious?"
She said nothing and he knew it was true.
He struggled out a sound that could have been a laugh.
"Dawson, don't-" She started.
" I'm fine." He offered, in an attempt to end the discussion.
" No, you are not fine. Dawson, please, don't do anything rash-"
He took off and left the room, leaving Jen alone. She hoped that she hadn't just caused a bigger rift between the three friends.
~*~*~*~
Joey pushed Pacey away, "Wait. Don't you think we should slow down?"
He looked at her quizzically, "Slow down?"
"Pace, I think you need to know something."
"What?" He asked, curious.
"Dawson asked me out-this morning-after you left."
"And what did you say to him?" He asked, quizzically.
"I told him that I did not want to ruin our friendship-and that is still true. I think we have to tell Dawson about * us * before he finds out some other way."
Pacey offered, "Do we have to do it * now *?"
She smiled and leaned in to kiss him, "I promise, we'll do it quickly, like taking off a band aid."
"My shift doesn't end for another hour."
She smiled, "I'll meet you here when your shift is over."