Note: I don't own Halloween
Halloween 9
List of characters
Jake-The funny and cute one of the group. Has long, brown hair, with a little blond highlights. Usually seen wearing one of those Jack Skeleton caps, with a Hooters shirt with a white shirt underneath and jeans. Hunter-Jake's longtime friend. Has butch black hair. Usually wearing Dallas Cowboys shirt and jeans. Sam-The mean one of the group. Has spiky hair with blond highlights. Wears jeans (hmmm, see a trend going on here? ( ) with an Ozzfest t-shirt. Billy-The stoner of the group. Has long brown hair. Usually wearing jeans and WWE shirts. JJ-The wuss of the group. Kinda short, only 5"8. Has short brown hair. Usually wears plain color shirts with jeans. Rebecca-The hotty of the group. Lusted by everybody mentioned above. Has long red hair. Usually wears blouses and skirts. Harry-The teacher/mentor/friend of all these teens. Basically knows everything. Is really hairy (hence his name). Has an afro and big beard. Usually wearing the usual scientist stuff. Evil Billy-Evil twin of Billy created by Harry. Looks the same as him, only a bit taller and his feet are stuck in a jar (Was created in a jar and never has been able to get them out). Also not very bright. Annoying Joe-Name says it all. Thinks he's so cool so he goes around asking everybody "What are you looking at?" Has red spiky hair, face is freckly and has braces. Zach-A bit of a trouble maker. Wears glasses and has a blonde afro. Beaman-Zach's partner in crime. Really fat kid, curly black long hair and squints a lot. Also the most foul-mouthed, prejudice kid ever. You know that saying "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all?" If he listened to that, he'd be mute. Mike/Shaggy-Really tall kid, with long shaggy hair (hence nickname). Wears Metallica sweatshirts a lot. Is really easy to make fun of too. Dante-Big stoner, but also a big loser. Only smokes the reefer to fit in, but he doesn't. Has afro.
The scene opens at the morgue where Michael Myers' body is being kept after being burnt to a crisp in Resurrection. A cop and morgue attendant are standing around the body.
Cop: So this is Myers, huh? Attendant: Yes it is. Cop: (After looking at body closely, turns to attendant) He'll come back. I just know it. He's always come back. Seems like nothing came keep him down. Attendant: Then what will we do? This town has had enough of his mayhem! Cop: (Thinks for a while, then comes up with an idea) We'll send him to Iowa! Attendant: (Smiling) Excellent idea!
A few days later, on Halloween, a strange box arrives in the storage section of an airport somewhere in Iowa. A worker finds the box.
Worker: Hmmmm, why's this box have holes in it? Don't tell me somebody's tried to mail themselves again.
Suddenly a hand crashes through the box making a hole big enough for whoever is in the box to rise out. We only see the backside of the figure. The worker gets a panicked look on his face.
Worker: W-w-who are you?
The figure picks up a piece of the broken wood and slices the worker's throat with it. He gargles as his blood oozes from his mouth and the open wound on his neck and falls over dead. A few minutes later we see the figure walk out of the airport and along the road. He passes near a sign that says "Smalltown: 10 miles." Meanwhile at Smalltown High School, everybody is decorating the commons area for the Halloween dance.
Sam: Man, I'm so bored. Jake: I know man! This sucks! Billy: I have an idea! Let's make fun of JJ! All: Stellar!
They all walk to JJ who is setting up the balloons.
Jake: Hey, JJ! If you had a gay guy on your back, would you beat him off? JJ: Ugh, well, of course! (Everyone laughs) What? Billy: Nothing. How about if you were on a bus full of gay guys? Would you get off? JJ: As fast as I could! (Laughter becomes heavier) Sam: (trying to catch his breath) I'm just. I'm just wondering something else. Have you heard of the movie "Gay Guys Say No?" JJ: Uh, NO! Hey wait a sec! Are you guys making fun of me? Jake: (Trying to hold back tears from laughing too much) What makes you say that?
JJ shakes his head and walks over to Rebecca
Rebecca: What's wrong? JJ: Those 3 are making fun of me again! Rebecca: Geez, that's too bad! JJ: Yeah. (cracks a smile) Can I get a little.oh you know! Rebecca: (gasps) Hello? I'm not that sympathetic! JJ: Oh. (smile fades)
Meanwhile in the library, Evil Billy is watching through the windows coming up with an evil plot.
Evil Billy: Oh boy! I'm gonna give them the scare of their lives! (Grabs a butcher knife and puts on a familiar looking William Shatner mask) This oughtta do the trick!
He jumps out of the library behind JJ and Rebecca with the butcher knife in hands and makes a scary noise. Rebecca and JJ both scream at the top of their lungs.
Hunter: What's going on here? Sam: Holy shit! Psychopath with butcher knife! Jake: Let's kick his ass! Billy: Yeah!
All four gang up on Evil Billy and beat the crap out of him. Just then Harry walks in.
Harry: What's going on here?
They all get up leaving Evil Billy on the ground. He then gets up and removes his mask.
Evil Billy: Guys! It's just me! Harry: God dang it, Evil Billy! Never do that again! Rebecca: I know! You nearly gave me a heart attack! And look! JJ needs to change his pants now! JJ: Damn, I was hoping that wouldn't be noticeable! Jake: And for crying out loud, if you are going to do that again, use a fake knife! Somebody could get hurt! Evil Billy: (pointing to self) Hello? Harry: Well, you deserved it! Evil Billy: C'mon, guys! It's Halloween! Everyone need a good scare! Harry: A good fake one!
Evil Billy sighs and leaves.
Sam: Hey, now let's beat the crap out of JJ! Hunter: From the smell, I would have guessed he's already beaten us to that!
Evil Billy is storming outside swearing a lot, carrying his mask and knife. Suddenly he runs into the figure.
Evil Billy: Great makeup! But don't show those guys in there! They'll get pissed!
The figure suddenly grabs the knife out of E.B.'s hands and stabs him in the gut. E.B. falls to the ground. The figure picks up the mask and puts it on. We know right then, that the figure is none other than Michael Myers.
Later that night, the dance begins. Harry is dressed as Count Dracula. Billy and Sam walk in later. Sam is dressed as Jason while Billy is dressed as Freddy.
Sam: Love the costume. Billy: Thanks. You too, man!
Afterwards Jake and Hunter walk in dressed as their favorite duo, Jay and Silent Bob.
Jake: Snooch to the noonch! Hunter: Word. Sam: I wonder what queerbait's costume is!
All of a sudden, JJ walks in wearing a Pikachu costume. The dance stops as everybody turns to face him with wide eyes.
JJ: Uh, Pika? Everybody: Queer!
The dance resumes as Rebecca walks in wearing her red hair down and wearing a blouse and pair of bell-bottoms familiar looking to any Halloween fan.
Billy: Who are you supposed to be? Rebecca: Actress Jamie Lee Curtis. Harry: You kinda look more like Laurie Strode. Rebecca: Um, who's that? Harry: The sister of the most notorious serial killer (camera zooms to face) Michael Myers!
Creepy organ music plays after he says this. Hunter turns around to see JJ at an organ.
Hunter: Will you knock that off? Billy: I'm curious! Tell us about this Myers. Harry: Gladly.
As Harry's story begins, clips from previous Halloween movies appear.
Harry: On Halloween night 1963, when he was only 6 years old, he went into his sister's room with a butcher knife and killed her. He was locked up in a sanitarium for 15 years. When he was going to be transported to another one, he escaped and killed tons of teenagers. His sister Laurie was the only survivor that night, thinking he died in an explosion. But 20 years later he returned and killed her son's friends. She tried to kill him by decapitating him, but it turned out to be somebody else she killed. She was locked up. And last year she and the guards at the asylum were found dead. Rumor has it Michael killed them! (Back to present) Long story I know. I hope I didn't bore you!
The camera zooms out to see a person who hung themselves from boredom, like in Airplane.
Sam: Spooky! Jake: Where did all this take place? Harry: In Haddonfield, Illinois. Jake: Well, that's far away! So we don't need to worry! Let's party!
The dance resumes. Rob Zombie's version of Brick House starts playing. Harry tries to join in the fun, but stops because he has to use the bathroom. Cut to Harry in the bathroom taking a wiz in the stall whistling, when all of a sudden, the Shape appears behind him. As Harry finishes, he zips his pants up, flushes, and turns around only to be startled.
Harry: Goddangit, Evil Billy! I thought I told you to stop that!
The Shape raises the knife in the air and with a quick swipe, off goes Harry's head into the toilet. Cut to outside the school where the troublemaking duo of Zach and Beaman are arriving. It's too dark to see any of them.
Zach: Shit, I think we're late! Beaman: Who cares? Why'd you drag me into this Loserpalooza in the first place? Zach: Mainly to make fun of the lower classmen! Beaman: Good idea! By the way, what are you?
Zach steps in front of the doorway so we can what he is. He has a pillow stuffed under his shirt and is squinting.
Zach: I'm you! Ha ha! So what're you?
Beaman steps into the light to reveal a blonde afro on his head!
Beaman: I'm you, bitch!
While insulting each other, they don't notice Michael walking through the hallways, noticing them and walking towards them. The Shape steps right outside with knife ready to stab.
Beaman: Oh look! Another flaming drag queen! Nice mask, homo!
Michael raises his knife and jabs the knife into Beaman's head real deep. Beaman dies almost instantly.
Zach: (in shock) Holy shit! You killed Beaman by stabbing him in the head! How'd you manage that? He had no brain!
While Zach is standing there pondering the death of his friend, Michael walks over and stabs him.
Halloween 9
List of characters
Jake-The funny and cute one of the group. Has long, brown hair, with a little blond highlights. Usually seen wearing one of those Jack Skeleton caps, with a Hooters shirt with a white shirt underneath and jeans. Hunter-Jake's longtime friend. Has butch black hair. Usually wearing Dallas Cowboys shirt and jeans. Sam-The mean one of the group. Has spiky hair with blond highlights. Wears jeans (hmmm, see a trend going on here? ( ) with an Ozzfest t-shirt. Billy-The stoner of the group. Has long brown hair. Usually wearing jeans and WWE shirts. JJ-The wuss of the group. Kinda short, only 5"8. Has short brown hair. Usually wears plain color shirts with jeans. Rebecca-The hotty of the group. Lusted by everybody mentioned above. Has long red hair. Usually wears blouses and skirts. Harry-The teacher/mentor/friend of all these teens. Basically knows everything. Is really hairy (hence his name). Has an afro and big beard. Usually wearing the usual scientist stuff. Evil Billy-Evil twin of Billy created by Harry. Looks the same as him, only a bit taller and his feet are stuck in a jar (Was created in a jar and never has been able to get them out). Also not very bright. Annoying Joe-Name says it all. Thinks he's so cool so he goes around asking everybody "What are you looking at?" Has red spiky hair, face is freckly and has braces. Zach-A bit of a trouble maker. Wears glasses and has a blonde afro. Beaman-Zach's partner in crime. Really fat kid, curly black long hair and squints a lot. Also the most foul-mouthed, prejudice kid ever. You know that saying "If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all?" If he listened to that, he'd be mute. Mike/Shaggy-Really tall kid, with long shaggy hair (hence nickname). Wears Metallica sweatshirts a lot. Is really easy to make fun of too. Dante-Big stoner, but also a big loser. Only smokes the reefer to fit in, but he doesn't. Has afro.
The scene opens at the morgue where Michael Myers' body is being kept after being burnt to a crisp in Resurrection. A cop and morgue attendant are standing around the body.
Cop: So this is Myers, huh? Attendant: Yes it is. Cop: (After looking at body closely, turns to attendant) He'll come back. I just know it. He's always come back. Seems like nothing came keep him down. Attendant: Then what will we do? This town has had enough of his mayhem! Cop: (Thinks for a while, then comes up with an idea) We'll send him to Iowa! Attendant: (Smiling) Excellent idea!
A few days later, on Halloween, a strange box arrives in the storage section of an airport somewhere in Iowa. A worker finds the box.
Worker: Hmmmm, why's this box have holes in it? Don't tell me somebody's tried to mail themselves again.
Suddenly a hand crashes through the box making a hole big enough for whoever is in the box to rise out. We only see the backside of the figure. The worker gets a panicked look on his face.
Worker: W-w-who are you?
The figure picks up a piece of the broken wood and slices the worker's throat with it. He gargles as his blood oozes from his mouth and the open wound on his neck and falls over dead. A few minutes later we see the figure walk out of the airport and along the road. He passes near a sign that says "Smalltown: 10 miles." Meanwhile at Smalltown High School, everybody is decorating the commons area for the Halloween dance.
Sam: Man, I'm so bored. Jake: I know man! This sucks! Billy: I have an idea! Let's make fun of JJ! All: Stellar!
They all walk to JJ who is setting up the balloons.
Jake: Hey, JJ! If you had a gay guy on your back, would you beat him off? JJ: Ugh, well, of course! (Everyone laughs) What? Billy: Nothing. How about if you were on a bus full of gay guys? Would you get off? JJ: As fast as I could! (Laughter becomes heavier) Sam: (trying to catch his breath) I'm just. I'm just wondering something else. Have you heard of the movie "Gay Guys Say No?" JJ: Uh, NO! Hey wait a sec! Are you guys making fun of me? Jake: (Trying to hold back tears from laughing too much) What makes you say that?
JJ shakes his head and walks over to Rebecca
Rebecca: What's wrong? JJ: Those 3 are making fun of me again! Rebecca: Geez, that's too bad! JJ: Yeah. (cracks a smile) Can I get a little.oh you know! Rebecca: (gasps) Hello? I'm not that sympathetic! JJ: Oh. (smile fades)
Meanwhile in the library, Evil Billy is watching through the windows coming up with an evil plot.
Evil Billy: Oh boy! I'm gonna give them the scare of their lives! (Grabs a butcher knife and puts on a familiar looking William Shatner mask) This oughtta do the trick!
He jumps out of the library behind JJ and Rebecca with the butcher knife in hands and makes a scary noise. Rebecca and JJ both scream at the top of their lungs.
Hunter: What's going on here? Sam: Holy shit! Psychopath with butcher knife! Jake: Let's kick his ass! Billy: Yeah!
All four gang up on Evil Billy and beat the crap out of him. Just then Harry walks in.
Harry: What's going on here?
They all get up leaving Evil Billy on the ground. He then gets up and removes his mask.
Evil Billy: Guys! It's just me! Harry: God dang it, Evil Billy! Never do that again! Rebecca: I know! You nearly gave me a heart attack! And look! JJ needs to change his pants now! JJ: Damn, I was hoping that wouldn't be noticeable! Jake: And for crying out loud, if you are going to do that again, use a fake knife! Somebody could get hurt! Evil Billy: (pointing to self) Hello? Harry: Well, you deserved it! Evil Billy: C'mon, guys! It's Halloween! Everyone need a good scare! Harry: A good fake one!
Evil Billy sighs and leaves.
Sam: Hey, now let's beat the crap out of JJ! Hunter: From the smell, I would have guessed he's already beaten us to that!
Evil Billy is storming outside swearing a lot, carrying his mask and knife. Suddenly he runs into the figure.
Evil Billy: Great makeup! But don't show those guys in there! They'll get pissed!
The figure suddenly grabs the knife out of E.B.'s hands and stabs him in the gut. E.B. falls to the ground. The figure picks up the mask and puts it on. We know right then, that the figure is none other than Michael Myers.
Later that night, the dance begins. Harry is dressed as Count Dracula. Billy and Sam walk in later. Sam is dressed as Jason while Billy is dressed as Freddy.
Sam: Love the costume. Billy: Thanks. You too, man!
Afterwards Jake and Hunter walk in dressed as their favorite duo, Jay and Silent Bob.
Jake: Snooch to the noonch! Hunter: Word. Sam: I wonder what queerbait's costume is!
All of a sudden, JJ walks in wearing a Pikachu costume. The dance stops as everybody turns to face him with wide eyes.
JJ: Uh, Pika? Everybody: Queer!
The dance resumes as Rebecca walks in wearing her red hair down and wearing a blouse and pair of bell-bottoms familiar looking to any Halloween fan.
Billy: Who are you supposed to be? Rebecca: Actress Jamie Lee Curtis. Harry: You kinda look more like Laurie Strode. Rebecca: Um, who's that? Harry: The sister of the most notorious serial killer (camera zooms to face) Michael Myers!
Creepy organ music plays after he says this. Hunter turns around to see JJ at an organ.
Hunter: Will you knock that off? Billy: I'm curious! Tell us about this Myers. Harry: Gladly.
As Harry's story begins, clips from previous Halloween movies appear.
Harry: On Halloween night 1963, when he was only 6 years old, he went into his sister's room with a butcher knife and killed her. He was locked up in a sanitarium for 15 years. When he was going to be transported to another one, he escaped and killed tons of teenagers. His sister Laurie was the only survivor that night, thinking he died in an explosion. But 20 years later he returned and killed her son's friends. She tried to kill him by decapitating him, but it turned out to be somebody else she killed. She was locked up. And last year she and the guards at the asylum were found dead. Rumor has it Michael killed them! (Back to present) Long story I know. I hope I didn't bore you!
The camera zooms out to see a person who hung themselves from boredom, like in Airplane.
Sam: Spooky! Jake: Where did all this take place? Harry: In Haddonfield, Illinois. Jake: Well, that's far away! So we don't need to worry! Let's party!
The dance resumes. Rob Zombie's version of Brick House starts playing. Harry tries to join in the fun, but stops because he has to use the bathroom. Cut to Harry in the bathroom taking a wiz in the stall whistling, when all of a sudden, the Shape appears behind him. As Harry finishes, he zips his pants up, flushes, and turns around only to be startled.
Harry: Goddangit, Evil Billy! I thought I told you to stop that!
The Shape raises the knife in the air and with a quick swipe, off goes Harry's head into the toilet. Cut to outside the school where the troublemaking duo of Zach and Beaman are arriving. It's too dark to see any of them.
Zach: Shit, I think we're late! Beaman: Who cares? Why'd you drag me into this Loserpalooza in the first place? Zach: Mainly to make fun of the lower classmen! Beaman: Good idea! By the way, what are you?
Zach steps in front of the doorway so we can what he is. He has a pillow stuffed under his shirt and is squinting.
Zach: I'm you! Ha ha! So what're you?
Beaman steps into the light to reveal a blonde afro on his head!
Beaman: I'm you, bitch!
While insulting each other, they don't notice Michael walking through the hallways, noticing them and walking towards them. The Shape steps right outside with knife ready to stab.
Beaman: Oh look! Another flaming drag queen! Nice mask, homo!
Michael raises his knife and jabs the knife into Beaman's head real deep. Beaman dies almost instantly.
Zach: (in shock) Holy shit! You killed Beaman by stabbing him in the head! How'd you manage that? He had no brain!
While Zach is standing there pondering the death of his friend, Michael walks over and stabs him.