AUTHOR'S NOTE: WOW! thank you so much for all the amazing feedback on my stories recently! I'm sorry I vanished, I took on another job and then had all my university assessments and exams, and then my laptop broke! anyway, I'm back again and working through my list of stories needing an update, so enjoy!
Chapter 4
Emma had never been a settled sleeper. Ranging from being a toddler who was beaten if she wet the bed, to the teenager who slept lightly to ward off unwanted advances from other foster siblings or worse, their parents.
As she lay in the large bed, Emma found herself wishing that she wasn't alone, wanting her son to be close beside her or even better, Regina.
She was all that Emma could think about, feeling her heart thump hard and her head swim. She had so wanted to kiss her, to show her that Neal hadn't totally fucked her up.
Emma knew that it wouldn't be fair for any of them, especially Regina to be dragged into this whole situation. Regina was far too good for her, Emma knew that.
No, she just needed to be alone for a while. Focus on her son and get her head straight before she even broached this to Regina. Maybe by then, the simple lust would've waned, and they could continue as roommates. That seemed a little more… adult.
Down the corridor and tucked into her own bed, Regina was also wide awake. Replaying that moment when Emma broke their hands apart and that thump of pain and rejection that had shot through her heart. Regina knew she was probably overthinking; Emma was a battered woman and a single mother- she had a child who needed her sole attention. Not to mention the fear that this madman could track them down and hurt them again… not that Regina thought he would. But she was frightened that if he did turn up in her sleepy town, Emma would go back to him. Or he wouldn't give her the option to decide.
Regina couldn't sleep but didn't want to get out of her bed either. She had never noticed just how many noises her home made in the dark. The gurgling of the water pipes, the slow electrical hum of her refrigerator, and the occasional creak of her wooden stairs.
Regina sat up. Why was she hearing the stairs creaking? Unless…
Someone was walking around her house.
ignoring the pleas from her tired head and weary body, Regina cautiously pulled back her covers and slowly rose to her feet, the clock that was ticking loudly in the silent room read 2:17, almost witching hour.
Slipping her robe over her shoulders, Regina grabbed her cell phone and silently opened her bedroom door. There was a faint light on in Emma's bedroom, so Regina breathed out a little before deciding to check up on the blonde. She knew that Emma wouldn't settle easily, that all these new noises would likely keep her awake all night.
Pausing at the door, Regina allowed the pads of her fingers to feel the grain of the wood before she balled her into fists and lightly tapped on the door with her knuckle.
"Come in" Emma whispered
"It's only me Emma, just checking on you" Regina said as she opened the door and found Emma sat at the window with a ratty old hoodie over her thin arms, her knees tucked against her chest and a lost expression on her face. Her hair was unkempt, and her face was drawn and pale.
"You… you're still awake" Regina said, cursing herself for being so stupid
"I don't sleep particularly well. Lifelong habit from years in foster care. Sometimes when I can't sleep I just like to look out the window and think about the way my life should've been. " Emma said, her voice breaking a little and tears filled her eyes.
"I have more alcohol or, some sleeping pills, or even something to help you relax, it might help you sleep. I used to take it myself" Regina offered but Emma shook her head
"No, I don't like to take medications, especially with Henry, I want to be able to hear him if he needs me through the night. I just like feeling needed and that makes me feel like everything will be okay eventually."
"Emma, everything will be okay. I promise" Regina said quietly, taking Emma's hand into her own and squeezing it gently.
"You can't promise that Regina, and you know it. What right did I have to drag you into this shit show? You don't deserve this Regina, you've been nothing but nice to me and my kid, but I don't want to think that I might be putting you in danger in any way. Neal… is a monster and I wouldn't want to subject you to him." Emma said, trying not to worry her new friend but also needing to say these things. She felt so guilty for pulling Regina into all this when she didn't deserve any of it.
"Emma, you can try all you like to push me away, but I'm staying here. I know you think that by pushing me away, you're protecting yourself, but you aren't! if anything, you're making yourself more vulnerable because you haven't got anyone to help you fight these battles. Emma, I'm here to help you and the sooner you realise that and stop this nonsense, the better it will be for everyone" Regina snapped.
Almost as soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them.
"Emma, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…" Regina started to say but Emma interrupted
"yes you did. And I meant what I said as well. But you're the one saying what I need to hear. I'm sorry Regina, I really am. I'm just not really used to anyone putting me first. Ever." Emma smiled sadly
Regina stepped forwards and pulled Emma into a warm, tight hug. Her brown eyes met Emma's green ones, but they slid even lower to Emma's lips.
"Get used to me putting you first" Regina whispered, her voice smooth as silk and Emma melted into the older woman's embrace.
Somehow Emma knew what was going to happen before it even happened. Regina had hugged her tight and Emma suddenly felt all her worries leave her head, so when Regina had looked at her lips, Emma gently tilted the older woman's head up and kissed her.
It wasn't a kiss of hunger, or passion, it was a kiss of uncertainty. Neither woman was sure about if this was a good idea or not, but they also knew that neither wanted it to end.
Regina felt her head swim and Emma stumbled slightly.
They both felt the pull of the other person and knew that this didn't have to be the right time or the right situation, but it was right for them. It was right here, right now.
It was over as quickly as it had started.
Regina was the first to break the kiss, her eyes snapping open, though she didn't remember closing them, and pulled her head away from Emma, who's eyes also snapped open, and she blushed violently.
"Emma, we can't. you know we can't" Regina whispered
"Why can't we?" Emma asked, though she knew why
"You're really vulnerable right now, and you're also still married. It wouldn't be right. Once things are settled and we know what's going to happen, we might be able to pursue this, if we still want to. But we really need to wait until then" Regina said, though it pained her.
"You're right, I know it's not right but, God it felt right for me." Emma smiled a little and Regina nodded.
"Me too, but the timing sucks. Once we're ready, we can continue this" Regina promised and turned to leave Emma's room.
"Regina?" Emma said, her voice full of hope and fear
"Yes?"
"Stay? Please?"
"of course,"
Regina made herself comfortable in the queen sized bed and Emma slid under the sheets, noting that the brunette was able to settle and calm herself fairly quickly. Emma was a wriggly sleeper, which Neal had hammered out of her, so now Emma was only able to sleep curled on her side and listening to her favourite music. All that Emma could think about was the kiss and Regina's rejection, and how she was cursing herself for falling so deeply in love with someone who was essentially a stranger. Regina was sleeping mere inches away, but she may as well have been on a different planet, Emma wanted to reach out, cuddle into her side, kiss along her jawline… she was in such a fantasy that she jumped when Regina spoke suddenly
"I can feel you vibrating. You're overthinking, aren't you?"
Emma blushed and stammered out the beginnings of an apology, but Regina took Emma's hand into her own, noticing for the first time that her nails were badly bitten, right down to the quick and the exposed skin looked red and painful.
"I know exactly what you're thinking about and you're wrong" Regina said, her voice catching.
"How am I wrong?" Emma asked
"You think I'm rejecting you, you think I don't have any sort of romantic feelings for you, and you think I'm just using you for some kind of sexual gratification, but I promise you that I am not doing anything like that Emma. I don't really know what we might have here yet, but whatever it is, I am happy to share anything and everything with you. This isn't another rejection, I promise, its more of a rain check, for another time" Regina kissed Emma's hand, Emma closed her eyes and pretended that everything was going to be okay, just for a split second, before Regina pulled away and began to settle down.
"I really do care about you Emma, please remember that" Regina whispered
Emma waited until she was sure Regina was asleep before she whispered back
"I will. I really care about you too Regina"
And with that, both women finally settled into sleep.
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The next morning brought a beautiful sunrise that crept over the hills slowly, before it began to lighten up the sky above Storybrooke.
The windows of the Mayoral Mansion gleamed gold in new sun, and the sky gradually became more and more blue. The curtains in Emma's bedroom hadn't been pulled across tightly, so the sun flashed into the blonde's face, waking her from what she thought had been the best dream ever.
Emma yawned and pushed herself up, mindful of waking the still-sleeping brunette next to her and softly padded down the staircase and made them both cups of coffee. There was no noise from Henry's room as she passed, so he must still be asleep as well.
Emma was always the first one awake, she preferred to have some time to herself before the mad rush of the rest of the day started and she never felt bad about taking this time for herself, until she looked around and spotted the hundreds of things that she knew she had to try and finish that day but never would.
Not anymore Emma thought as she poured some milk and spooned some sugar into her coffee, before taking a tentative sip and smiling at herself because she knew that she'd never have to go back to Neal and his stinking doss house. Her soon would never have to try and remember where the floorboards creaked or cracked or splintered and would never have to duck as his father threw heavy books and saucepans at his mother. Henry was now going to grow up in home that was clean and pretty and have a mother who didn't take any nonsense from any man. Emma smiled as she realised it was only because of Regina that she had the courage to admit all these things. Regina made her feel different, made her feel braver and more in control of everything around her. It was as though Neal had sucked all the colour and happiness out of everything and made her life feel as though it was worth nothing. Regina had already made her realise that her life was now looking more amazing than it ever had, and everything seemed seeped in colour. It was amazing how Regina had made everything so much better already.
Taking the coffee mugs back upstairs, Emma listened out for Henry, but he was still fast asleep, but when she went into her bedroom, Regina was only just stirring.
"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty, brought you some coffee" Emma chuckled as she put the mug down on the nightstand while Regina pushed herself upright and smiled tiredly but kindly.
"Morning yourself Early Bird, are you always up this sharp?" Regina asked, taking a sip of her coffee and sighing happily
"Yeah, I've always been an early riser. Character flaw I guess" Emma smirked as she climbed back into bed and took a long drink
"Hmm, I wouldn't say that, but the coffee was a nice touch, thank you"
"No problem, I figured I owed you something considering you're letting me live and my kid basically live here rent free and keep us safe. You have no idea how grateful we are Regina, we're so lucky to have found you" Emma said, wrapping her hands around her mug and huddling under the blankets.
"I'm just glad I walked into the diner when I did, otherwise I could've missed you entirely or perhaps not have had the courage to go up and offer my help. Emma, I was wondering, do you want the phone number of Archibald Hopper? He's a physiatrist, and a good one at that, I cant recommend him enough" Regina asked
"That might not be a bad idea Regina, Henry's had a huge upheaval in his life and maybe talking to someone other than me would benefit him so much" Emma nodded, and Regina hesitated
"I didn't exactly mean for Henry, though of course it might help him navigate the changes he's had to go through recently. Emma, I meant for you. It's a very stressful thing that you've just went through, and no one will think you're weak in any way if you need some extra help to process all this" Regina stated, not quite looking Emma in the eye
"You think I'm crazy?" Emma asked, normally she would be furious at such a thought, but now she was hurt, and worried that perhaps, Regina was right.
"NO! God, Emma, I think you're the sanest person I've ever met. A crazy person wouldn't have run away, a crazy person would've stayed and believed this man still loved her, even though he has hurt her in so many ways. No, I mean its always good to have an impartial advisor to help you see things more clearly. It doesn't mean you're weak or bad or crazy, to me, it shows strength because you're admitting that sometimes the mountain is too big to climb alone" Regina explained, taking the blonde's hand in her own and kissing it lightly.
"Okay, maybe we should both go and see him then, it might help once I file for divorce" Emma sighed
"You're divorcing him?" Regina asked as casually as she could
"Yeah, I decided today that even though he's still Henry's dad, I can't change that and I won't try to, I don't want to be married to him anymore. It feels like he's still controlling me even though he's nowhere near me anymore. Does that make sense?" Emma asked
"Yes, absolutely it does. We can start the process tomorrow if you'd like?" Regina said and Emma nodded and smiled.
"We'd better get up and get everything ready for today. It's a very busy one I think" Regina smiled and Emma laughed aloud
"Good idea!"