I collapsed face-first onto my bed. Probably not the best idea, as the mattress was very lumpy and I knocked my nose on the side. Thorin laughed when I gave a muffled "Ow". Not the soft landing I had been hoping for. Still, it was better than sleeping on the ground.

The blanket on the bed was rather scratchy but it served its purpose. It felt good to be able to stretch out on a vaguely flat surface. My back was very grateful. Sleep seemed to come to me very easily that night. Flickers of dreams played through my head. Some nice and others less so. But once I was awake again, they all slipped from my memory like water.

I was quite rudely awoken by Thorin dropping a steel toe cap boot directly next to my head. The noise and vibrations shocked me into a seated position.

"Welcome to the world of the living," Thorin mused.

My hand clenched over my chest "Couldn't you have woken me up in a gentler way," I moaned.

"I tried. It's not my fault that they did not work," he said "Now get up. We leave within the hour."

Turning towards the window, I realised that the sun was barely up. I suppressed a groan. This wasn't awake time. This was 'go back to sleep for another two hours' time. With slow tired movements, I managed to pull myself up. Thorin left the room and allowed me to get changed, I pulled on the first cleanish things I could find.

A majority of the company was already up and sat at the tables. I saw Fili and Kili sat at one end and made my way over. They were talking amongst themselves as they ate what looked like porridge. Fili looked up first and smiled when he saw me. I smiled back and gave a small wave. Then his eyes moved lower and he froze, eyebrows shooting up, then a mischievous grin spread across his face.

"What a lovely tunic you're wearing Leah," he said with a smirk, "There's just something about it I can't put my finger on it." He put his fingers on his chin as if deep in thought "What do you think Kili?"

"Is that, Is that my shirt?" he said, looking rather flustered.

Looking down at the shirt my cheeks heated up. Oh yeah, I hadn't told Kili I'd brought it with me yet.

"...Maybe," I drawled.

"Why do you have it?" Kili asked.

I sat down next to him before answering "You left it at my house. I wasn't going to let a nice shirt like this go to waste now, was I. You can have it back if you like?" The reluctance in my voice was clear as day. After wearing it for over a month I'd grown quite attached to the garment.

"No, no, you can keep it," said Kili. "It can be part of your birthday presents."

"Yay," I said, giving him a small hug "Thank god you said that because I was not going to give it back. You would have had to fight me for it."

"I would have won," he smirked, confident in his own abilities.

"Not if I played dirty."

Kili leaned in, his gaze drifted over my face before settling on my eyes "I'd like to see you try"

My breath caught in my throat and I felt my whole body heat up. Good lord, why does he affect me so badly? I felt myself swallow. Gathering myself together as quickly as I could, I gave my best attempt at a smirk "Bring it on."

Breakfast, as it turned out, was porridge. Gloopy and tasteless, not the nicest thing to start my day. I only ate half before giving the rest to Kili. The fact that he could eat this wallpaper paste just fine but he called guacamole 'wet grass' just baffled me. Not long after breakfast Thorin told everyone to pack up and meet by the horses.

I walked to the stables with Fili and Kili in tow, the sun just about creeping over the trees. All the horses were already saddled and ready to go. Mithiel was nibbling at the ground when I walked over to her. I gave her nose a little stroke and fed her an apple I'd found.

"Good girl" I whispered, patting her nose again.

After she was finished, I climbed into the saddle. Once again I did it completely unaided. The ease was still confusing. However, I was glad it was still there as I did not want to know what it was like to ride a horse when you have no clue what you are doing. The horse would probably run into a tree or something.

Once everyone arrived, Thorin gave a nod and we all nudged our ponies to follow him. The day followed pretty much like the previous one. We all plodded along after one another, occasional conversations drifting on the wind. Soon any sign of civilization disappeared. Not even an errant little cabin in the woods; we were completely surrounded by wilderness.

Sometimes the path would narrow or there would be a few sheer ledges that made us have to walk in single file. I may or may not have panicked a little as I looked over the edge. My confidence in my horse abilities was zero, even if I seemed to be working on autopilot. Thankfully, I did not plunge to my death and the horse was calm below me. She was smarter than me, I realised. I needed to give Mithiel more credit, she wasn't going to let us fall down a hill anytime soon.

As the evening drew closer, Thorin found a spot for us to make camp. The area was reasonably flat so that it wouldn't be too uncomfortable to sleep on. Though there wasn't much cover, so if it rained we would definitely know about it. A small brook also ran through the trees a few metres away from camp so we let the horses have a drink and refilled our own canteens.

Everyone seemed to have a job to do or at least something to keep them busy. Fili and Kili went to hunt for some dinner. Bombur and Bofur were starting a fire to cook with. Other people were setting up the camp, arranging logs and rocks for people to sit on and setting up bed rolls. But I was left standing around, feeling very much like a spare part.

In the end, I decided to just ask if people needed help. Most of the camp was already set up so the ones doing that brushed me off and told me that they were fine. Which left Bombur to help out with.

Bofur was setting up a stand to hold up a pot of water over the fire, hammering the sticks into the ground to anchor them and prevent them from collapsing into the fire below. Bombur had some types of vegetables in front of him ready for chopping. They looked up when I came over.

"Hello," I waved

"Hello lass, you alright?" asked Bofur as he finished the stand.

"I'm bored actually. Is there anything I can help with? I like cooking."

"I'm sure my brother would love to have a glamorous assistant," said Bofur "Isn't that right Bombur?"

Bombur looked up from his ingredients at the mention of his name. "Oh, oh yes. Of course, you can help."

I sat down next to Bombur and the workstation he had laid out on a large flat stone. Bombur handed me a large knife and half the vegetables. The knife was considerably larger than I was used to, more like a butcher's blade, but I was still able to wield it fine. I helped to peel and chop up all the vegetables. Most of the veg was recognisable. Potatoes, carrots, parsnips. However, there were a few that I had no clue about. Weird tuber-like vegetables that Bombur had found earlier that day. I trusted that Bombur knew what it was and that he wasn't feeding us some poisonous root.

Just as I had finished chopping Fili and Kili strolled into camp bearing gifts. Three rabbits and some kind of bird. The gifts were slapped down in front of me and Bombur. I jumped back as the animals landed on the make-shift chopping board.

"Warn a girl before you do that," I muttered, hand over my chest.

"Sorry Leah," said Kili, then he turned to Bombur "How's that, is it enough?"

Bombur inspected the animals. They looked like they all died with one shot and most of the meat would be usable. "Aye lads, these will do nicely," said Bombur.

Kili beamed, proud of himself.

Bombur slid one of the rabbits over to me "Right, If you do that one I'll do these un's"

My eyes went wide as I took in the rabbit. It was still vaguely warm and its dead eyes were staring me down. What the fuck am I supposed to do with this? In a slightly panicked state, my head swivelled around, looking to anyone for help.

"Er Bombur, I've never done...this" I gesture to the rabbit with the knife.

"Oh sorry lass," He said, "Here I'll show you."

I watched in macabre fascination as Bombur hacked off the feet and removed their skin. He gutted and chopped the remaining rabbit with a skill I could only marvel at. He was a chef through and through

Bombur set everything to cook and the stew was soon bubbling away. Once it was done he let me have the first bowl as a thank you for helping him. I took it readily and had to stop myself from just gorging the whole thing. Patience is a virtue and I would rather not have a burned mouth from being overzealous. It was worth the wait though, the soup was delicious. There was a lot of slurping noises and not much conversation as everyone ate around the fire.

"Hey, lass."

I looked up from my bowl to see Dwalin.

"Thorin's asked me to train you so when you're finished go over there." He pointed to a flat section of ground across the field. Far enough away so as not to disturb other people but close enough to be seen.

"Okay, thank you."

Dwalin merely grunted in reply and made to get up, walking off the field behind us.

I finished up my soup and handed the bowl back to Bombur before going over to my pack and retrieving my sword. I hadn't really touched it since I got it, I was excited to put Mani's gift to good use.

"Would you like some company?" Kili said, coming up behind me "I'm sure Dwalin wouldn't mind."

"Yes please," It would be a lot easier if I wasn't the only one there. The more people to face Dwalin's scrutiny the better.

Fili tagged along as we made our way over to Dwalin. The dwarf in question leaned against a tree with his arms crossed.

"I thought I was training the lass," Dwalin raised an eyebrow.

"We thought we could help," said Fili cheerfully behind me.

"Fine," Dwalin sighed "The more, the merrier I guess."

Dwalin had us warm up first. Some jogging and some stretches. Fili and Kili attempted to do a competition between the two of them to see who could do the most push ups. Dwalin interfered before they got to 50.

Then came the real training. Dwalin instructed us all to gather our weapons and I readied my sword. But before I could it was taken out of my hands. Dwalin inspected the scabbard before removing it and looking at the blade.

"This is a fine blade lass, dwarven made," Dwalin muttered "Where did ye get it from?"

"There were some dwarves in Rildolach that helped me when I arrived here. This was made by a dwarf called Mani," I said.

A mild shock covered the faces of all three dwarves.

"You managed to get a dwarf to forge an elf a sword?" said Fili in disbelief "Blimey."

"Well, it's definitely your sword lass" Dwalin held out the sword towards me, pommel first "It's got yer name carved into it."

What? I peered down to where Dwalin was pointing. The runes along the handle.

"That one there says Leah," It was really cool to see my name written in Khuzdul. Then he pointed to other words, "The others are protection runes."

Oh Mani.

The dwarf was going to make me tear up even though he was miles away. Hopefully one day I will be able to return the favour.

I took the sword back off of Dwalin and he began the lesson. He taught me where to place my feet first. Fortunately, I remembered some of the things Kili had taught me so I wasn't completely useless. Dwalin had me doing drills with my sword, practising my swing and other manoeuvres. Fili and Kili followed alongside me, copying any orders that Dwalin shouted. When we were finished, my arms were shaking. I settled heavily onto the ground with a groan.

"Not bad for your first lesson, lass" said Dwalin

He handed me a canteen of water. I could see that there were tattoos on his hands as well. Geometric, dwarven designs and Khuzdul runes. When I finished drinking, I gathered my courage and asked him about them.

"Do your tattoos mean anything?" I asked in a quiet voice. Hopefully, I wasn't overstepping and asking something too personal.

Dwalin looked down at his hands before looking back at me, "Aye, I earned them from battles."

"So you have to earn tattoos?"

"Aye"

"That's a lot different than where I'm from," I mused "Anyone can get a tattoo for any reason."

Fili sat down across from me, leaning against a tree "So do you have any then?" he asked, curious.

"I do..." I said, not sure how much I should reveal.

I saw Kili perk up out of the corner of my eye. He knew exactly why I was being reluctant. Having Erebor on your thigh would probably raise more than a few eyebrows. But that wasn't my only tattoo. I could show them some of my others, lifting up my left trouser leg, I showed off my ankle. There was a little bow and arrow tattooed there.

"This was my first tattoo. I wanted to start off small," I lifted the other trouser leg up and showed them a planet and stars on my other ankle. "Then I got this one next."

I lifted the trouser leg over my knee to reveal my calf. "This is an Aegis hjalmur. It's like an old Norse symbol for protection."

It looked like the spokes of a wheel with half moons attached to the ends. There was a serpent tattooed around the edge. A deep red in colour. I could see the dwarves marvelling at the colours. They probably didn't get different coloured ink here.

Next was my other calf, where a very detailed image of a woodland sat. In the centre was a large stag with a fawn. "I got this one as a kind of tribute to my father and my brother. That way they would always be with me."

"That's lovely," I heard Fili mutter.

I put my trouser legs back down. "And I do have one other one but you'll never see it" I smirked at him.

"Well now I want to know even more," he smirked back.

"Tough."

I thought that would be the end of it but Kili had to open his big mouth.

"She has the Lonely Mountain tattooed on her thigh," he said, very self-assuredly. He took a big sip from his canteen. I could see the mischief dancing in his eyes.

"Kili!"

My face was on fire. This wasn't what I needed right now.

Dwalin turned to look at Kili, an accusatory look in his eye. He folded his arms and stared directly into his eyes. Kili visibly gulped.

"And why, Laddie, would you know what her thighs look like?" each word was enunciated to make them impact harder "Is this something I need to be talking to yer Uncle about?"

Kili instantly reddened. His reply came out in panicked stutters. "What? No, no. It's not like that"

Fili was laughing his ass off next to me, clearly loving every second of this. Dwalin then raised his eyebrows and started to turn as if making his way back to camp.

"No, no please Dwalin don't tell Thorin," Kili pleaded.

It was nice to see karma happen so quickly but I needed to put the poor boy out of his misery. "It's nothing bad, Dwalin. Where I'm from, it's normal for girls to wear shorts in the summer. People don't really care about girls showing off their legs."

Dwalin appeared a bit surprised by my revelation but seemed to take it as the truth. Now that Dwalin's mind was out of the gutter he told Kili that Thorin wouldn't need to know. Whether he kept that promise was another question. Dwalin walked back to camp and left us to our own devices. Fili just about stopped laughing. He wiped a tear from his eye and patted his brother on the back.

"Next time try not to be a smartass, you idiot," I said lovingly.

We all went back to camp after that. I positioned my bedroll next to Fili and Kili's but when I looked out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Thorin glancing over disapprovingly. I tried not to let it get to me.

I reached into my bag to try and retrieve my toiletries but my packing that morning left a lot to be desired and everything came out in a tangled mess. The clothes were strewn across the ground and my toiletries bag split open and sent everything cascading out.

With an irritated sigh, I reached to shove everything back in my bag. However, I caught a nimble pair of hands rifling through some of the stuff.

"What is this stuff anyway?" said Nori. He had a deodorant stick in one hand and in the other…

"Oh my god Nori put that down," I spoke forcefully. The sneaky dwarf had a tampon in his hand. He twisted it around and eyed the plastic applicator.

"Why? What does it do?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

"It goes in a vagina Nori," I said, very matter-of-factly. Emphasising the word vagina to make him uncomfortable. "It's for that time of the month if you catch my drift."

Nori's face immediately paled. He opened his hand and the tampon tumbled out.

"My apologies, my lady, I'll just be going now," and then he was gone, running off somewhere into the trees.

A giggle bubbled up at the ridiculous display of masculinity. The camp had gone silent and when I looked around, everyone conveniently had somewhere else to look.

"For God's sake" I muttered to myself.

I packed everything back up, neater this time and everything managed to fit in my bag. Yet something niggled at the back of my mind. I picked the tampon up, clean and unused, though it really shouldn't have been by now. I had been in Middle Earth for well over a month. My period should have made an appearance.

Unless elves were different. Maybe they have like one period a year or something. The uncertainty of my new body made me nervous and I desired to talk to someone about it.

But who? It's not like anyone here is an expert in elf anatomy.

Well, Gandalf might be able to help.

I dreaded asking him though. It would be like asking your grandad about puberty. However, he was the only person that I thought could help. I packed the remaining items in my bag before making my way over to him.

Gandalf was happily smoking his pipe, with an amused look in his eye as I sat down next to him.

"It would appear that you've managed to make the company rather embarrassed," said Gandalf, looking around at the dwarves

"You'd think it would be harder but I only had to say one word," I chuckled, shaking my head.

"Is there something you need my dear?" he turned back to me.

I worried at my hands. "I need to ask you about elf stuff. You seem to know a lot about them," I muttered.

"What would you like to know?" said Gandalf, taking a big inhale from his pipe.

"Do female elves have…" what word should I use? "uh, cycles. Because I haven't had one since I got turned into one."

I could feel my face reddening as I spoke. Here I was asking an old man for advice about periods. Well, not even an old man. He was like a deity at one point, A Maiar. He literally helped to shape this world and now he's here teaching me about Elven periods. Oh, what a life he's lived.

"I don't imagine you would have done my dear. Elleths, unlike other races, don't have a cycle."

"What, like at all? Are they just always ready to be pregnant or something?"

"Elves have a will that decides whether a child will form. If they don't want a child or they don't think it's a good time to have one then a child won't form," said Gandalf.

That's like the ultimate contraception. Like 'I don't want a child so a child won't happen'. If only human biology was that simple. A lot fewer problems would arise.

"Weird" was all I said in reply.