Hurt - Chapter 35
Last to Know
Chapter Summary: There was one person the turtles forgot to break the news of Raph's death to…
This was a commission done for darksonickiller who mentioned the scenario of this story taking place after the Space Saga in Season 3. So, the idea was that for six months after Raphael's death, Mona Lisa hears nothing from Raphael, constantly calling without getting an answer. Sick and tired of waiting, she heads to Earth to find out for herself. What awaits her isn't what she expected.
For those who read this story before, this really doesn't exactly fit into the story as it is. It merely puts an end to the story as a whole. I did have other plans for this fict (even planned to use Rena to turn back time and bring Raphael back), but since I lost interest in TMNT a long time ago, I never planned to finish this story. And while this isn't the ending I planned, at least it's an end.
Thanks for reading!
…
…
…Static.
Nothing but static.
Mona Lisa bit her dry bottom lip, long sharp nails a constant clack against the console she'd been leaning on for much longer than usual.
Hundreds if not thousands of messages sent multiple times a day over the past six months. Little phrases of "Hi, I hope your well", or "Call me back if you know what's good for you" and only slowly increasing and morphing in her desperation and perhaps even a few insults thrown in all in any effort to get some kind of response from the green-eyed terrapin…
Yet six months passed without a single reply from Raphael.
Realistically, she knew it could be a glitch. A planet, a stray asteroid or hell, even a supernova that caused some random fluctuation in the signal to the point she couldn't receive his responses anymore…
Yet this deep pang somewhere in her chest was getting harder to ignore as the days, weeks and months dragged on.
Raphael was not one to suddenly stop all contact. The last conversation they had was casual, both chatting and speaking about each other's days. There was no argument or anything close to it that would cause him to completely ignore her - especially for this long.
The doubt was the worst though… Had he merely lost interest in her? Was this long-distance relationship merely bothersome to him so he went for someone a bit closer to home?
…Raphael did mention the red-haired female and that he was now training her…
A snarl suddenly escaped her lips, tail swishing angrily behind her and she had to be careful that her claws didn't bite into her leathery palms. Heart hammering, Mona leaned heavier on the console, her reptilian eyes escaping to the vastness of the space she could see from the window across from her.
No…
Raphael wasn't the type to do such a thing.
But a part of her was kind of hoping perhaps he merely got bored and moved on. Being millions of light-years away wasn't easy for any kind of romance to grow and blossom healthily but she thought they were doing alright. As much as she would have appreciated having him here physically, merely hearing his voice and talking to him had been a balm on her soul after a long arduous day.
Mona admitted that it was rather…fascinating to speak with him about his world and he listened intently and rather enviously to her stories of galactic battles she faced daily.
It was only his duty to his brothers and family that he remained on Earth but he assured her that once everything was taken care of and when the earth was safe and "boring"…he may have to join her. Ever since then, they spoke occasionally about the future and Mona Lisa waited patiently for that day that Raphael would call and ask her to pick him up.
Then they could start their lives together, as cliche as that might be.
Teaming up and fighting monsters across the galaxy side by side with the red-banded turtle frankly sounded like a hell of a lot of fun. A flash of heat filled her cheeks as she thought about they future they would spend together; freely soaring the cosmos without answering to anyone but themselves and each other…
Frankly, it sounded perfect.
...Yet he never called.
Mona Lisa's hands shook as she initiated the launching sequence. Heart hammering with what she swore was needless anxiety, she enabled the thrusters and main engine while ignoring the trembling of her fingers and restless twitching of her tail.
That's it! Six months was damn long enough.
If you needed something done, you get it done yourself. All of her life she fought tooth, nail and tail, never backing down from a fight and she wouldn't start now. Mona was determined to confront Raphael and he was going to give her sufficient answers or she would happily beat him within an inch of his life until he thoroughly apologized for any transgressions and grovel at her feet until she eventually might forgive him…
Maybe.
Mona Lisa put in the coordinates for Earth before strapping on her seat-belt. Jaw clenching until her teeth ached and the sharp ends bit into her gums, Mona reached for the red 'Launch' button.
Whatever doubts she harbored including the sickening acid churning rapidly in her gut and this black hole inside her she had been vastly ignoring for months, she pushed that button and in a trail of bright lights, star dust and comets slipped by as she was projected into space towards Earth…towards Raphael's home.
…and he damn well better have a good excuse…
Space travel was strange.
The ability to traverse lightyears over seconds and the sensation of your stomach launching into your throat was a feeling Mona Lisa never got completely used to. She felt so much better on the ground, stronger and better able to fight against any and all who stood on her way. Here, she felt weightless, rapid heartbeat a constant staccato in her eardrums as the ship got closer and closer to its destination.
For one of the very few times in her life, Mona Lisa felt… uneasy.
Afraid wasn't a word that defined her in any of the languages she spoke. A warrior through and through til the day she died. She feared nothing. Faced any foe no matter how indomitable and large, squaring up with them with nothing but her skills, a shit-eating grin and a fuck-off attitude…
Another reason why the turtle with the red-colored headband made such an impact on her in the first place. Raphael had faced her without a care in the world; not afraid even as she beat him mercilessly into the ground…
Instead of being afraid like most others would be, it made him like her.
At first she thought him rather insane and strange, perhaps catching some cosmic sickness that caused mental defects. Or perhaps he was an unusual being from a planet with romantic customs that made him believe getting his ass kicked by a female was a courting gesture of some sort?
Yet it turned out to be none of those things.
Raphael respected her.
He didn't find her weaker merely because of her gender and appreciated that she was stronger than him where the males of her species found it downright insulting when she would beat them into the ground during training combat. Raphael took her opinion to heart, listened to her woes, her issues she couldn't speak freely with her clan about. As much as she thought she'd explored all the universe had to offer, this peculiar mutant turtle from Earth opened her eyes to so many things she never took notice of before…
"You have arrived at your destination - Earth," the intercom rattled on, making Mona Lisa jump from the sound. Her thoughts a chaotic mess she wasn't ready to sort out combined with the relentless anger she felt when she turned on her helmet in a bid to reach Raphael now that she was in the atmosphere of his planet. There was no way the signal would be obstructed at this close range.
Immediately unleashing her seatbelt now she was safely out of hyperspace, she ran to the window. The blue and green planet in front of her was lit up by patches of light, the sun behind it darkening its surface as she stared at the Planet Earth. A desperate hope rising in her knowing the signal couldn't be disconnected from this close of a range.
Mona reached a shaking hand toward her earpiece and hit the call button.
"Raphael, this is Mona Lisa, do you copy?" she stated flatly to avoid the desperation to leak out of her voice; panting breath fogging up the window she pressed her forehead against it as she waited for a response.
…
…
…
…Static
"Raphael. This is Mona Lisa. Answer me!"
…
…
…Static
"Raphael, I said, answer me, dammit!" she screamed, voice cracking.
…
…Static
"RAPHAEL! FUCKING ANSWER ME!" the bellow left her throat in a wail.
…Static….
"FUCK!!" Mona Lisa screamed while throwing the headpiece to the floor.
Clawed foot smashing the contraption into the ground as it made a loud crunch beneath her pounding heel. The pain from the cut it made to the bottom of her foot not even registering as an involuntary lurch in her chest had her spine straighten and hands shake. A rush of desperation and adrenaline rushing through her veins in a constant surge of energy she had no idea what to do with.
Earth got closer and closer and while the ship went through its standard protocol during its landing, Mona Lisa was ready to crawl out of her skin. So tempted she was to merely smash through the window of the space vessel and leap toward the planet yet she held back, acknowledging that even she wouldn't survive that fall.
"Raph, I swear I am going to kick your ass so hard your shell will pop off…" Mona Lisa ranted, not even bothering to hide the fact she was hyperventilating as Raph's home of New York City finally came into view.
The colorful, bright lights of the bustling city below would be incredible to look at any other day but her focus was pure tunnel vision as the ship grew nearer to a section of the city that was mainly green vegetation. Normally such life and so much water on a single planet would fascinate her but her mind was too busy, constantly fluctuating with all Raphael had told her about his home. The exact coordinates, locations, landmarks, etc. all swam in her mind as the space craft eventually made to land in an grassy open area. Its cloaking mechanism fully enabled since breaking atmosphere promised to be left undetected; it landed on the grass without a sound.
It took everything inside of her not to rip the door off its hinges when the computer informed her that she was safe to exit the ship and that the air was clean enough to not require her spacesuit. And while glad for not having to wear that hindrance to track down Raphael, Mona Lisa was still antsy. Ready to leave this place and to find him; a map and destination of the lair in her mind already established.
When the door fully opened, she took off into the night.
Stealth was not Mona Lisa's thing. She was used to facing her foes head on but in this case, it was necessary to remain hidden. Her much larger size had her utilizing she used the alien technology along her belt to activate the same cloaking mechanics that her ship had in order to camouflage herself. She wasn't perfectly invisible by any means, but with it being nighttime, her blue skin and dark scales were easy enough to blend into the darker parts of the city streets.
Along the way, she read the signs she'd passed; the characters or lettering on the signs were still quite new to her but ones she had been learning about and memorizing ever since she met the short-fused terrapin. Scanning them all, she desperately searched for the name of the one she needed.
It took nearly an hour to find it, and by then, Mona Lisa's breathing was erratic along with her frantic heartbeat. Doing her best to stay out of the view of all the humans on the street wasn't easy so she used the buildings as transportation. Quickly jumping along the tall rooftops like Raphael told her he did frequently, Mona Lisa continued to follow the map in her mind.
Clawed feet making the barest hints of noise as she made her way through the moonlit city. The darkness providing the cover she needed as Raphael informed her that creatures such as himself weren't exactly welcomed amongst the majority human society of this planet.
Mona Lisa would put herself in his category until otherwise instructed.
She stayed hidden.
The Lizard stopped suddenly in her tracks when she heard the sound of fighting. Raphael told her it was common on this planet but the strange thing was the voices did not belong to those of humans but a robot of some kind. Soon, other voices joined into the fray and while she told herself to stay on track, to find Raphael once and for all, Mona Lisa followed her gut instead.
Silently, she made it two blocks to the west and from the top of the building, her yellow reptilian eyes grew when she took in the image in front of her.
The light nor her eyesight was the greatest in these conditions so she could not make them out…but they were the mutant turtles. The flash of white from their weapons as they faced a strange creature made of blue glowing material and shooting at them with lasers and before Mona Lisa even thought about it - she leapt.
"Dammit!" Leonardo growled under his breath as another one of Baxter Stockman's creations shot at him and his brothers.
For the thousandth time, Leo wished Raph were here…
Leo could almost hear his voice now; cursing and insulting the mindless robots as he took them down without a lick of self-preservation. As much as Raphael could drive him up a wall, Leo would do anything to have him back. Himself, his father, his brothers, April, Casey…They all felt so incomplete since Raphael's sudden death and even a half a year later, nothing was better.
Nothing would ever be the same.
Training was merely going through the motions. Anger and bitterness could only be used in their fighting for so long before the adrenaline wore off. And throughout it all, all of their fighting skills they'd honed since they were children suffered tremendously. All of the remaining brothers had taken on more injuries and experienced more close calls since they didn't have their strongest brother to rely on anymore…
Or ever again…
Leo's jaw clenched as he took another one of the Mousers down, his katana making a terrible screeching noise as it sliced through its metal neck, spraying the mechanical parts all over the deserted street.
No, Raphael wasn't here anymore, but they were.
Stopping and quitting their protection of this city and the world would only spit on Raphael's memory. His ultimate sacrifice for one of their friends would be in vain if they stopped fighting now… yet it was the hardest damn thing to keep going with the odds continually stacking against them.
A grunt left his mouth as a Kraangdroid shot at him, the laser bullet grazing his arm with a painful sear but before the robot could shoot again, a massive shadow suddenly fell from above with a rattling thud. A feminine snarl left the shape's throat as it surged forward and started attacking all of the rest of the mechanized enemies around in a blur or activity.
"...Uh, Leo? Who?" Donatello's confused voice broke over his confusion as she easily took care of the rest of them.
"Who is it?" Mikey's voice broke in; a sullen and sad tone still overriding his missing happy-go-lucky nature since Raph's death.
Leonardo didn't answer, merely put up his swords in the off-chance they would need to fight against this new intruder…yet his swords slumped when after the last enemy dropped at her feet and she finally stepped into the light of the streetlamp.
The blue-banded terrapin swallowed thickly when he looked up and his chest ached as he found himself staring at the golden gaze of a familiar, towering Lizard.
"…Mona Lisa?" he heard himself speak.
Mona Lisa's bloodlust felt somewhat satiated; her adrenaline spike depleting as the last robotic enemy fell to her claws and teeth. The image of that damned robot shooting at who may have been Raphael was too much for her to handle. Her powerful body moving without her input until the last of the mechanical menaces fell at her feet.
Once there were no enemies left to face, Mona immediately spun around, heading toward the circle of dim light on the street in order to see better.
"Mona Lisa?" a voice asked and after blinking rapidly to clear her eyes, she found herself looking at the weary eyes of the turtle clan's leader - Leonardo. Raphael's only older brother. Standing next to him with their weapons drawn but down were Donatello and Michelangelo…yet no one else.
Mona Lisa glanced around quickly wondering if Raphael had seen her and decided to turn tail and run away like a coward in order avoid speaking with her.
"Where's Raphael?" she found herself asking; the snarl she expected came out breathless.
"…"
Silence was the only thing that greeted her.
The looks on the brother's faces could be described as surprise or shock before all swiftly changing once her words sunk in. Afterwards, they all varied than morphed into an expression she could not easily define.
So she asked again, "I've been trying to contact him for months! Where is he?" her voice stronger and firmer this time.
The turtle brothers remained silent for a few drawn out seconds before Leonardo glanced at Donnie and Michelangelo; the leader giving them both a barely noticeable nod. Donnie's mouth firmed and shoulder's tensed as he clenched the metal staffed weapon in his three-fingered hand. Unlike the other two who barely showed emotion, Michelangelo's head instantly fell forward, Mona Lisa's much taller height couldn't distinguish what expression befell his face before the youngest turtle fully turned away from her.
Mona opened her mouth to speak once again when a voice interrupted.
"I think you should come with us," the purple-banded turtle, Donatello, spoke up. Mona noticed his hand slightly shaking as he placed his bo staff back into its sheath even if his face remained stoic.
"Yes." Leonardo breaks in; face and voice carefully blank of emotion as he clarifies further, "Come with us back to the lair. We'll speak there."
The pit that had been growing in her stomach only grew wider in berth. A dull ache burrowing into her chest at being denied of the immediate answer she came for. Mona Lisa's hands shook. She wanted nothing more than to deny their request. To refuse to go to the lair until they told her the information she so desperately needed - but something stopped her.
"Come on, let's get out of here." it was Michelangelo, the brother Raphael was closest to. In her daze, she hadn't noticed him approach. Yet now he was beside her with a smile pulling up the edges of his mouth while his eyes remained dull - it had to be the light. The look on his face alone had her halting her tongue and with a resigned sigh, she agreed.
Together, all four climbed into the ShellRaiser and drove toward the lair in complete and utter silence.
The drive to the lair was deafeningly silent.
The only sound being the engine roar and the sound of the tires rolling along the asphalt roads. Even the bustling city noise from outside was a muted howl scarcely scraping through the small gaps in the tinted windows. Mona Lisa's skin was crawling with anticipation and anxiety and the three turtle brothers wouldn't even look at her! Donatello was driving so he had a viable excuse but Leonardo sat on the seat with his arms crossed, head down and eyes closed as if in a deep meditation. Michelangelo on the other hand was nothing but a ball of nervous green energy; the youngest turtle nervously fidgeting around his seat, tapping his foot while his large hands restlessly messed with his phone or his nun-chucks.
…it was driving her mad.
Yet Mona Lisa remained outwardly calm. The words of her clan, mentors, leaders and teachers since birth ingrained so deeply into her psyche, all telling her to keep calm. Acting upon mere speculation and irrationally helps no one and allowing emotions merely blinds you to the danger around you.
Taking this advice to heart, Mona Lisa closed her eyes.
Breathing measured to calm the nervous thumping of her heartbeat that relentlessly pounded in her chest. That gut-clenching anxiety still refused to leave but she vastly ignored it. Instead she counted out her breaths, the comforting sounds of the purring engine and the bustling nightlife outside of the vehicle her only holds to sanity and she would grasp onto them until her fingers were broken and bleeding.
One, ten, a hundred minutes could have passed. She couldn't tell you, but the sound of a voice had her golden reptilian eyes blinking into the sudden harsh light. The smell hit her next. An abrupt assault in the form of a vile stench invaded her nostrils. It was so potent that she physically repelled and was about to vocalize her less than pleasant reaction to the scent but was interrupted.
"We're here," Leonardo's authoritative voice spoke out; still as emotionless and flat as ever.
It was no wonder why him and Raphael "bashed heads" so to speak. The red-banded turtle confessing him and his eldest brother didn't get along the best - Raphael despised authority so it was no wonder.
Instead of visually showing her displeasure at his clipped tone and the overwhelming scent of the sewers, Mona Lisa merely followed orders. She'd become good at that despite all that had happened. It was sometimes easier to play along than push against the grain and she admitted that now was not the time to fight.
It was time for answers.
Mona Lisa recoiled slightly upon seeing the entrance to the lair. Raphael had sent her photos through the communication system on occasion. Through it, he would show her his world and she knew without a doubt that she was now standing in Raphael's home. Without further hesitation, Mona Lisa pushed past his brothers with a less than gentle shove of her arm. Suddenly they yelped, than all of them began calling out to her with various words and exclamations at differing volumes but she paid them no heed whatsoever.
"Raphael!" Mona Lisa screamed.
Ears opened for his voice to respond, she jumped over the turnstiles and into the open area of the lair, the 'living room' or 'den' as Raphael once referenced to it as. The main hub for the majority of their daily entertainment or activities was completely empty. Yellowed lights were dim, the television in the small pit of the den was on but placed on mute…
The silence was deafening.
Ignoring the pang in her chest, Mona screamed louder, "RAPHAEL!"
…
…
…Silence.
The sound of static in her ears overwhelming as her amber eyes flicked from here to there looking desperately for a flash of red, of bright green eyes and a cocksure smirk.
…but no one came.
"RAAAAAPPPPHHHHHHHAEELLLL!" Mona Lisa bellowed, booming voice shaking the ceiling and she jolted upon feeling a three fingered hand grasp her arm and everything inside of her craved to see Raphael's familiar visage looking back at her but she was instead met with Leonardo's stricken blue eyes.
"...H-He's not here," Leonardo's voice was stilted, his once clipped voice breaking slightly at those three short words.
"Then where is he?!" Mona roared, pulling her hand out of his limp grasp and suddenly finding it harder and harder to breathe. She wanted to curse, to scream some more in hopes that Raphael would come and calm her down with a word, a touch, a kiss - anything! Anything but this damned silence!
"..." Leo bit his lip.
"Tell me where he is!" she screamed into the face of his three siblings.
Leo looked at her with a stoic determination, Donatello with what resembled pity and Michelangelo stood silently with his head down and eyes glued to his feet.
Desperately, she screamed again, "TELL ME!"
"That's enough! I think you should take a seat." a new voice joined and Mona Lisa found herself turning around and looking at a face she never met in person before.
It was Raphael's father, Master Splinter.
Immediately, Mona Lisa straightened. The strict behaviour embedded into her since childhood othing but the utmost respect for her elders pushed her into biting her tongue and refusing to lash out at him.
"Where is he?" she asked in a gentler tone, the veneer she worked so hard to keep up began cracking at the seams. Desperation echoing in her throat as she pleaded to the elderly rat, "Please! Tell me! …Where is Raphael?"
Master Splinter remained silent, merely gesturing to the sectioned couch nearby. Mona wanted to fight back but the beseeching glance in those kind brown eyes had her obeying without another word.
She sat.
Mona could barely hear past the static in her ears and her own panicked breathing as she watched Splinter sit down beside her; Raphael's brothers slowly doing the same on the right side of their father.
Splinter finally opened his mouth to speak but it was Leonardo who moved first. His trembling hand pressed on his father's thin wrist as he communicated with only a shared glance with his Sensei before the blue-banded turtle rose to his feet and walked in front of her.
Leonardo's voice was rough, echoed with a grief she didn't expect when he began to speak, "There's no easy way to tell you this - so I'll just say it…" Leo swallowed before he suddenly reached behind himself to the gear-pack located on the back of his shell.
Mona Lisa watched him with pure trepidation.
Hackles rising when Leonardo's hand reappeared and nestled carefully in them was Raphael's sais. The world around her suddenly became completely clear yet nothing made sense when Leonardo ever so gently reached out to place the weapons in her unsteady hands before he spoke three words that turned her entire existence upside down.
"...Raphael is dead." Leonardo's words were broken as they escaped his lips.
In the quiet moments after they were spoken, Donatello let out a shuddering sigh, Michelangelo quietly wept into his hands as Splinter looked upon all of them with a stoic grief that echoed in his tired eyes; eyes far too used to experiencing pain.
It had to be a minute or year that passed in utter silence, Mona Lisa wasn't sure.
While she listened and had heard in crystal clarity Leonardo's three word statement - the words and their meaning slipped through the gaps in her clawed fingers.
…
…
…Static.
…
No…
No.
No!
There was no way it was true…
It had to be some kind of mistake and she opened her mouth to voice those thoughts when she looked at Leonardo and her mouth snapped shut with a click of her teeth.
Leonardo, Raphael's eldest brother, the leader, the one who remained stoic and professional at all times regardless of circumstance had tears leaking in quiet streams down his face. Wide mouth pressed into a firm line and expression unchanged but there were currents of unfathomable grief rippling inside his oceanic gaze.
"Raphael died six months ago," Leonardo's voice cracked, his eyes never leaving her own as he spoke with all the authority his shaking voice would allow, "I'm so sorry, I - I should have told you sooner, and for that, I apologize…"
…
…
…Static…
Through all the words he spoke, only three registered this time.
Six months ago.
Half a year.
The reason for the static silence on the other end of their communication line…
The last time her and Raphael spoke, it was something completely innocuous and mundane, a conversation she couldn't even remember the exact words they exchanged!
…and now she'd never hear his voice again….
"...Six m-months?" she spoke or at least she thinks she did, voice broken and tinny in a way she couldn't understand. Her ears were ringing, the constant slam of her pulse in her eardrums was making her dizzy in a way even getting hit in the temple with a damn boulder never did before.
Leonardo's small sharp nod broke something inside of her; something ugly, bestial and feral she could scarcely control.
"Let me get this straight… Raphael has been dead for six months… and you never even bothered to tell me!?" her voice raised louder as she went on; a croaking snarl bursting forth through the last word as her golden eyes flashed.
Denial, fury, anger and a grief she couldn't begin to fathom suddenly combined into this echoing rage as she took in the shocked then resigned expression on Leonardo's face.
"Yes." the leader turtle admitted.
"...How could you!? I love him!" she screamed into his face but Leo didn't budge.
"I apologize. I'm s-sorry. I should have told you sooner."
Mona Lisa snapped.
The powerful lizard warrior roared, her voice echoing and shaking the concrete foundation around them as she snarled at the blue-banded leader. Golden eyes flashing with hatred and fury at the stoic turtle in front of her. It was completely irrational, it was wrong yet she didn't care.
In her broken mind, Leonardo had denied her the truth! Denied her an explanation for so long as she barely held herself together waiting in a limbo for a call that would never come.
Raphael's sais clattered to the floor.
Amber gold eyes flashed, pupils narrowing into black slits. In this moment, Mona saw only red as she suddenly lunged toward the eldest terrapin with a guttural growl. Desperately, she reached for Leonardo who didn't move away at all from the threat of her claws. Merely stood there as she reached for swipe at him in pure rage yet before her claws could make contact, she was stopped. Something was holding her in place, what it was, she didn't know nor care, only continued to stretch her sharpened claws toward Leo in an animalistic fury.
Yet it didn't last.
"Yamate! YAMATE!" Splinter's voice cracked through the haze.
And everything suddenly stopped.
When Mona Lisa came back to reality, she was shaking like a leaf.
Whole entire body trembling as if jolted by electricity. It was only then she looked down at what stopped her from ruthlessly and needlessly attacking Leonardo. Only now that the rage-filled blinders were taken from her eyes was when she saw and felt Michelangelo's and Donatello's arms around her holding her in place.
Looking up, she saw that Leo still was in front of her. Instead of anger at her actions, his ice-blue eyes were beseeching, apologetic and so, so sad. It wasn't until she collapsed onto the floor, knees bruising with the force as she caught herself with her hands that she realized why…
Someone was crying…
Only to realize it was herself.
Deep guttural sobs broke through her mouth as salt water poured out of her eyes, down the slopes of her cheeks and off the edge of her jaw. Voice raw and broken as she wailed, the sound of it echoing and making it harder to contain the utter grief that gripped her entire chest like a vice. Mona Lisa sobbed, watching her tears cascade down her face; the drops making a pattern of dots along the worn carpet in front of her.
Mona came to this planet hoping to see Raphael.
The vision of a red mask, bright emerald eyes, cocky smirk and his open arms waiting for her faded into black nothingness. The future they planned and she dared to dream about faded in the bitter reality that tore through her chest like the breeze of a snowy planet. Cruel and relentless, cutting down to the bone until nothing but dust was left in its ruthless wake.
It hurt.
It hurt worse than any physical wound she'd ever sustained…
There wasn't a bandage to put on this. All she could do was cry - something she so rarely did. In her clan, it was always thought of as a sign of weakness, a distraction and rather meaningless in the long run because what would crying help anyone?
…but as much as she'd tried to stop it, now that the tears started, they refused to cease.
Those six months she never knew.
Sending him message after message in a hopeless bid for a reply that would never come… For a voice that would never be heard again. To think he'd been dead and gone this whole time, that her messages were never heard. That for six months she went about her life never knowing that the one she called her beloved, the very one she planned to spend the rest of her years with…was gone forever. Mona was no stranger to loss. Warriors, soldiers, they never lived long. In all the years she spent fighting, she'd lost friends, comrades - her parents, yet this loss far surpassed all of those.
A pain so deep, so visceral nearly took her breath away as she finally spoke his name.
"...R-Raphael…" it was spoken like a broken prayer on her lips. Mona reached her unsteady hands to grasp at his beloved weapons, ones she so carelessly discarded at her feet in a sudden fit of anger.
Grasping the twin sais ever so delicately with the gleaming silver metal distorting her reflection on the thin triple prongs, all she could ask was, "…why?" The question was quiet, unassuming in its simplicity but held a fathomless depth in its meaning. Why was Raphael dead? Why was he taken away? …Just WHY?
Mona Lisa needed an answer.
Teary golden eyes lifted, searching the faces around her in desperation to have it answered. In her grief, she didn't notice when all of his Raphael's brothers and his father sat on the floor around her. Surrounding her in a circle of shared misery and grief for one they all loved and lost.
Michelangelo's trembling hand circling against her back as Donatello's comforting grip didn't leave her shoulder. Splinter's eyes were wet but no tears fell; his duty as their father, to be the rock and sturdy foundation that held the rest of his clan together with his sheer will and determination alone. Leonardo's cheeks still contained dried tear tracks, his blue eyes welling with regret and grief in equal measure as his eyes met hers without ever looking away.
He was the one to answer her.
"Raphael died while protecting a friend. It…was an accident. One that shouldn't have happened. But it did." Leonardo's words were firm yet grim, the reality showcased through the tiny hitch in his shoulders. Before Mona could speak, Leonardo bowed deeply before her until his forehead rested against the tear stained mat by her knees.
A moment later, he sat back up but his head was still bowed. "I'm sorry that I failed. I'm sorry that I couldn't protect him," Leonardo's words were broken and bitter and held such insurmountable grief that it shook her to the core. Leonardo's eyes met hers, "And I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner. I really am…"
There was so much unspoken in this few words. His eyes and expression showcasing things his words didn't contain. There was still so much anger at himself in what he believed was the ultimate failure of himself as a leader, the inability to protect his brother. Coupled with so much pain, misery and sleepless nights while fighting ruthlessly to protect those he still had left…
It all made sense.
Mona Lisa's shoulders slumped, her grief stricken body limp and so, so tired. Suddenly, she just felt selfish. In her need to take out her grief on something, anything, she went for the easiest target and he didn't even bother to fight back nor defend himself…
"We had no desire to deceive you, Mona." Splinter's voice was gentle, fatherly as it washed over her aching heart like a balm. "It's been a very trying time for our family and we're still adjusting to a world without my son, Raphael in it… It hasn't been easy and I assume it's been the same for you - waiting for so long without knowing..."
Agony splintered through her heart, her head bowed low as she let out a broken sob.
Splinter reached out and touched the top of her smooth head as Donatello and Mikey embraced her.
The rat's gentle voice continued, "While we grieve for our Raphael every single day we had time to accept it. And yes, while time hasn't exactly made it better, the pain has ebbed slightly. Or perhaps it's merely numbness. I know deep in my heart that it'll never fully heal but hopefully the scars will grow fainter with time. Throughout it all, we've had each other to lean on and in turn, we'll be here for you, Miss Mona."
"Yeah." Mikey agreed, his arms so warm and gentle as he hugged her tight. "We're pretty much family."
"That's right. We're here for you," Donnie spoke, his hand a sturdy anchor on her shoulder.
Leonardo scooted closer, pulling her into a hug before whispering in her ear, "Raphael loved you so much. I could see it in his eyes whenever he spoke to you or about you. To me, that's enough to make you a part of our family… it's what Raph would've wanted…" Leo gave her one last tight squeeze before pulling back to sit next to his father.
After a long drawn out moment, Mona Lisa finally lifted her head, staring at the gentle faces surrounding her. She bit her lip, feeling so undeserving of the kindness Splinter and Raphael's brothers were showing her. Allowing her grief to fuel her into a homicidal rage was nothing new but to these brothers and father who had lost so much…it only made the festering wound in her heart hurt worse. This throbbing ache that would never go away. Those bright green eyes she'd never look into again. His smirk, dry humor and laugh she used to love hearing every day when he would call…
Never would she experience them again.
Mona Lisa's head fell, tears slipping down her face, "I miss him so much…" she sobbed into the quiet of the room. Feeling oh so alone until she felt four warm bodies surrounding her. Their arms wrapping and cradling her against four pounding heartbeats as she cried and cried and cried…
Northampton.
Raphael was buried at Northampton.
She had cried for what felt like years, with her knees aching from the hard ground, shoulders and chest throbbing from her echoing sobs and golden bloodshot eyes dry and burning was when his family told her where Raphael had been laid to rest. It was after a long somber moment for her to take in that information was when they all offered to take her to where he was buried.
Offering her the chance to say goodbye…
Goodbye…
Goodbye was the last thing she ever wanted to say to Raphael… Whenever they parted, whether it was face-to-face with a kiss and a promise or over the headset communicator, it was always, "I'll talk to you soon!" or "See you later!"
…It was never goodbye.
Goodbye was too…final.
An ending.
A conclusion…
Mona didn't want that. She wanted the promise of tomorrow, of hopes of seeing and talking to him again, not just a mere chance to speak to a dirt mound that held his remains located in the middle of nowhere…
At first she was furious at the idea. In complete denial, wanting to believe that this couldn't be happening, that it was all some sick joke, but reality sobered her quickly when Splinter took her hand and lead her to a locked room.
Raphael's room… it was empty. No life aside from a thin later of dust on the surfaces of the material items he had held dearest in life.
And amongst them, she saw it…
It was the helmet he communicated to her with. A sheen of gray dust across the stark white surface. Unused, sitting atop a pile of his favorite band magazines he'd read articles to her from when they ran out of things to talk about. The soft dim blink of red light shone against the temple of the helmet. A light indicating a missed message. Six months worth of all the missed messages that would remain unread and unheard to the ears they were meant for. All that was left of Raphael and his boisterous spirit was an empty room - never to be filled again - just like the hole in her heart.
With a somber nod towards his father and brothers, Mona Lisa agreed to their offer.
The drive to Northampton was quiet.
Raphael's brothers and father remained silent for the most part. Donatello and Leonardo spoke quietly on occasion and Michelangelo would mindlessly flip through some magazine or play a random game on his phone. The orange-banded turtle who seemed to be a never-ending ball of chaotic energy and happiness, one with a joke always on his lips and a smile on his face was utterly silent. Changed completely by the death of his closest brother…
It hit her then that while the loss of Raphael was like hellfire filling her chest, this was Raphael's family; all he'd known his entire life… An outside world that would never accept them, foes always coming to destroy them - they were all each other had for most of their lives. So to lose a piece of that once-complete puzzle, such an instrumental loss of a beloved member of their clan…
It was simply devastating…
"We're here," Donatello announced from the front, breaking her from her morose reverie. His statement was shortly followed by the sound of opening doors but Mona still didn't move. If she didn't move, if she didn't step out and see the place the love of her life was buried, then it wouldn't be real…
She could run away, go back to her ship and fly back to her home planet and keep calling Raphael over and over and over and maybe he'll call back one day. Yet as soon as she stepped out of this vehicle, that facade would fade and nothing but the cold harsh reality that Raphael was never going to call her back would be all she had.
Mona Lisa exited the vehicle anyway.
Facing her fears head on - no matter what it is - is the mantra she would die with, and that sure as hell wasn't going to change now…
First thing she noticed was that the grass was pleasantly cool. The tiny green blades topped with morning dew tickled the soles of her feet as she looked around Northampton…
…It was… beautiful.
The abundance of life surrounding her made her throat clench. In this place of nothing but beauty and life was foreshadowed by the death of her beloved. It was such a stark and painful contrast to take in the majesty of nearby mountains, the trickle of crystal clear water, thick carpets of grass and the pure cloudless blue sky above and know Raphael was buried in this place…
Leonardo stepped beside her and she saw his jaw clench from the corner of her eye. Looking at the blue-banded terrapin was still difficult. She was still so angry at herself for her unjustifiable actions at the lair, for almost hurting Leonardo admist her sorrow. Grief was no excuse to hurt someone who didn't even make a move to defend themselves…
Swallowing the lump that clogged her throat, golden eyes met icy blue. "I'm so sorry, Leonardo." Mona said, the words slipping away with the wind. They weren't exactly what she had meant to say but the look in his eyes told her he understood.
Leo flashed her a small broken smile. "Me too."
Donatello, Michelangelo and Splinter were silent as they walked away and toward the nearby cabin. The rustic domestic home looked out of place yet rather perfect in this ideal wilderness. Leonardo stayed rooted to her side for a few moments, eyes staring out toward the lake.
Following his centered gaze, Mona Lisa finally laid eyes on what he was focused on. Her breath caught in her throat, golden eyes widening and watering upon taking in the sight. Admist the forest of trees, there was a single small hill with one large tree in the center. Its many branches reaching up to the blue heavens above, green leaves swaying in an invisible breeze and held up by a mighty, wide wooden trunk of reddish brown.
And at its thick base, was a simple stone grave.
Mona Lisa began shaking, hands trembling when she felt someone grasp onto her hand. She looked up, expecting beyond hope that Raphael would be standing beside her. A gentle smile pushing up the corners of his mouth as he intertwined their fingers with expressive meadow green eyes glinting mischievously…but it wasn't so.
Instead, Leonardo stood in his place, a calm, nearly serene expression shining through when he smiled at her.
"We'll be waiting for you in the cabin," was all he said. He let go of her hand but before he left, Leonardo stopped, staring at that grave with a nod of grim determination before silently walking away; leaving Mona Lisa alone with nothing but the gentle wind surrounding her.
Without her input, Mona Lisa's legs moved toward the grave on the hill. With every step, she felt her heart break just a little more. Her tail dragged on the ground behind her, the thick hide tickled slightly as the grass feebly grasped to it as she made her way up the small embankment until she was mere feet in front of the rectangular shaped headstone.
"Raphael Hamato - Son, Brother, and Friend" was all it read.
Over and over she read and re-read the words until they became too blurry to see clearly anymore. Gold eyes burned as fresh tears began leaking down her face and not even bothering to expend the strength necessary to hold herself up anymore, Mona Lisa fell to her knees. Kneeling with the top of her head pressed against the cool stone, she wept tears she wasn't aware she even had the hydration left to cry with.
It was visceral and deep, this echoing anguish that left her throat. Cries being swallowed by the dirt and grass growing above where he had been buried half a year ago brushed against her cheek akin to a lover's caress. That only made her cry harder. She wanted to scream, to yell, to curse at everything around her to perhaps stop this growing gnawing ache burrowing further into her chest. There were so many different emotions waging war for dominance in her mind. The anger was potent; hating the person who dealt the killing shot with an unbridled passion, anger at the friend Raphael risked his own life to save, and outright fury at Raphael for getting himself killed in the first place!
Raphael, the same one who faced down mutants, demons and monsters from all across the galaxy with nothing but a pair of sais and a smirk. One who fought with rigor and endless energy and ruthless precision; he didn't go down in a blaze of fiery glory…but in an accident… It just didn't seem FAIR!
Mona Lisa always thought there would be more time. More time to figure out things together.
Time to talk, to finally being able to see each other without being millions of miles away. To have the life together that they both had planned out… Yet now, she felt foolish at the thought for no one was promised another day, but Raphael seemed almost invincible in her eyes. She got used to the idea that he would always be there… until he wasn't.
Mona Lisa lifted herself up, sitting up she stared listlessly at his grave, her shaking palm pressed against the cool stone. A clawed finger tenderly brushing along the letters of his name as it began to finally sink in that instead of the future they had planned, a goodbye was all she had left.
"...You never called back," the words left her lips without her consent but she didn't have the will to stop them, "I waited. I called every day and w-waited for you to call me back…" She lifted a shaking hand to wipe away a stream of tears trickling down her cheek, feeling downright foolish as she waited for a response that never came…
Something she'd gotten far too used to doing.
"I hate that you left me. I hate that you died - you ruined all the plans we had… But I can't blame you. You were as fucking reckless as they come so maybe I shouldn't be so surprised." Face falling, Mona Lisa stared at the small patch of flowers growing right by the front of the stone.
A pained smile flitted along her lips, "…Are these flowers for me?" she asked, voice breaking as she brushed her fingers through their silken petals before pressing her forehead to rest on top of the stone.
"Why, Raphael?" she sobbed brokenly, "You were supposed to be with me! We were going to travel the universe together, kick ass and make a life! You promised me!" she screamed at the silent stone, "You promised me! You promised me that we'd always be together, that we'd never be alone because we have each other - now where are you!? You sure as hell aren't here! How dare you leave me ALONE!"
Mona's hand violently shook above his grave, so desperate to rip this stone apart, to tear down all the trees and all the beauty surrounding her because maybe then the world encompassing her would match her future - empty and barren.
…but she couldn't…
Suddenly, a brush of warm wind rushed by her, drying her leaking tears and dancing along her scales. A unexpected sensation filled her chest, like a soft flickering candle or a gentle touch. Mona Lisa stared after the random breeze, watching the leaves flutter in its swirling wake as it flew toward the cabin before disappearing completely.
"...Raphael?" she whispered.
Instead of silence like she expected, she swore she heard Raphael's voice. No exact words, just the gentle cadence of his tone and the sensation of the tips of his fingers brushing against her spine before as quickly as it came, it left. The ache she felt mere moments before dulled as she took in the sound of movement coming from the cabin, of gentle voices and life. The smell of the grass and trees, the sky, the glistening water all around her…
…No.
Perhaps she wasn't alone… not entirely.
Looking back toward Raphael's grave, Mona Lisa removed his sais from her belt. She sat cross legged and just stared at the weapons in her hands. As she gently held them, instead of more crying or fierce anger she shown before, Mona began to speak like they used to every night. She took one of her favorite stories, regaling him the story of an fierce ice world she'd come across on a recent mission. Told him about the monsters she encountered and the strange food they were forced to eat on that planet. A valiant conclusion of how she single-handedly defeated a power hungry empire with only a laser spear.
At the last part, a sad smile appeared on her face.
Once the final word left her lips, Mona grew quiet. Listening intently to the sounds of the wind and filling it with the sound of his voice in her head. One she refused to ever forget. She sat for a long time, pretending it was him speaking back to her. Once that faded, her golden eyes locked onto the headstone in front of her.
Gently, Mona Lisa gently placed the sais back into her belt, notching them carefully against her skin before she leaned forward to kissing his name upon the cold stone. Warm tears leaked down her cheeks as her lips pressed so tenderly against the smooth surface until she finally pulled away. Mona reached out, touching the stone one final time before she rose to her feet.
There, Mona Lisa stood rooted to the spot. Silent. Taking in the abundant nature and beauty surrounding her and realizing that Raphael would love it here…probably wouldn't want to be laid to rest anywhere else. Here, he would have been free to stand in the sun without fear of ridicule…
It was perfect.
Mona Lisa's eyes fell once more to his grave. Her mouth opening but instead of a goodbye, she whispered instead, "I love you…and I'll talk to you soon, Raphael," before walking toward the cabin with the wind brushing against her back.