11/8/22 AN: Surprise, not dead! Just busy! Not gonna lie, I really like this chapter. Also, if you see any mistake, please point them out. I don't think I did a thorough job of editing. Then I got fed up and decided to post it.
Hopes this makes you laugh!
Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or any other recognizable franchise depicted in this chapter.
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108
It was one of the irregular clashes between the Whitebeard and the Big Mom pirates. Marco wasn't sure how it had gotten started, nor did he particularly care. Neither side was fighting with deadly intent, like if they were fight Kadio, It wasn't as friendly as if it had been with Red Hair though. Such was life as a crew member of an Emperor.
His eye caught his newest sibling, who was sneaking around Big Mom's ship.
Marco sighed and went to follow. Ace might be over his murder phase, but his reasoning was still… beyond comprehension sometimes. He trailed him into the mess hall… Marco had a bad feeling.
He found Ace surrounded by a surprising number of empty dishes in the kitchen. Ace had finished with all the food in sight, and was going through the fridge. Marco felt slightly ill at the thought of all that food being eaten by one person. Besides, what kind of suicidal person ate Big Mom's desserts?
"Are you crazy?"
The words slipped out before Marco realized he was speaking. He was clued in when Ace started laughing, almost choking on the food.
"Of course I'm crazy."
Ace turned to fully face Marco, swallowing before speaking again, tone full of honest curiosity. "What made you think I was sane?"
Marco ignored the question. Instead he grabbed the younger man by his ear and dragged him back to the Moby. If Big Mom found out what Ace did she'd probably eat him, which would upset Pops, and Marco didn't want Pops upset. He also didn't think he'd like Ace getting eaten.
He was such a good and responsible big brother and son. He made a mental note to tell Pops.
. . .
109
Nami squinted. Was that Luffy? Yes, yes it was. He had his arms stretched out behind him wrapped around something gray and nearly as big as him, dragging it behind him. What had that moron gotten this time?
Franky, Usopp, and Chopper ran over to him in excitement. The rest of the crew followed at a more sedate pace.
"I like that boulder," Usopp said, patting it.
Franky hugged it. "That is a nice boulder."
Robin carefully inspected it. "Its not a boulder. It's a rock. The pioneers used to ride these things for miles."
Luffy proudly lifted the rock above his head to show it off to his crew. "I got a rock!"
He promptly dropped it on himself.
There was much panic and upset before they got the rock off of him. It got its own special spot on Sunny's Deck. It was a popular spot for sunbathing and naps.
. . .
110
It was Jinbe's turn for a very important inauguration of being a Strawhat- babysitting Luffy on a new island. Jinbe knew it wasn't going to be easy, he wasn't stupid. He hadn't realized it would be so… taxing.
Luffy had jumped into three different bodies of water, ate a plant that made him turn purple and stop breathing, befriended a large animal, then tried to eat that animal when it scratched him, went bungee jumping 5 times without the bungee (that wasn't as bad, because Luffy was made of rubber), and topped it all off by getting eaten by a big bird. Jinbe was exhausted by the end of the day. Luffy's energy level did not seem to have changed.
He realized there was a very important question he needed to ask. He spoke with a serious sincerity. "Are you crazy?"
Luffy gave him a smile filled with such sunshine and joy that Jinbe felt his heart melt a little. "Yeah, I'm crazy."
Before Jinbe could process that statement Luffy wrapped him in a hug. He snuggled in and asked with childlike curiosity "What made you think I was sane?"
Jinbe hugged Luffy back. Upon reflection, nothing Luffy had done since Jinbe met him could be considered sane.
. . .
111
Nami walked onto Sunny's main deck, looking forward to doing some sunbathing. Franky, Luffy, Brook, Usopp and Zoro were sitting in a circle, talking. As she walked pasted them, she heard Franky say "Unexpected nudity can be a serious tactical advantage if you're otherwise doomed."
Nami turned around and walked the way she had come. The upper deck got better sun anyways.
. . .
112
Marco raised an eyebrow as Ace walked into the mess hall and went straight to food. The fireman had been sent out on a short mission. He was back quicker than he should have. Marco was suspicious. "How'd it go?"
Ace had the decency to swallow before answering. "Good. Ate a squirrel. Made some enemies. Regular day." He continued eating.
Marco signed. He would have to press for details later, once Ace was full.
The enemies he had made where cats that were mad Ace ate the squirrel they wanted to eat. Ace kept getting attacked by cats, which ruined his stealth, so he went big so he could go home. Marco counted it as a win because the goal was achieved, and less than half the island had been set on fire.
. . .
113
Sanji had been waiting for his moment. Vivi was a beautiful woman, and he despirately wanted to impress her. He was a pirate now! Pirates were dashing and sexy! How could she resist him? He just needed a good opening line. He spent about three minutes thinking, before he hit upon genius.
After whipping up the most amazing smoothie ever, Sanji went to find Vivi. She was on Merry's upper deck, by Nami's trees. He did an impressively complicated twist before presenting the smoothie. As she picked up the drink Sanji delivered his best line ever.
"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."
Nailed it! Sanji thought and fist pumped.
Vivi sweat dropped. Fortunately, things didn't get too awkward because Luffy chose that moment to sneak into the kitchen, sufficiently distracting Sanji.
The princess was able to avoid the cook for a few days, with a lot of help from the navigator, and the unintentional help of the captain.
. . .
114
Luffy was excited. They were getting close to port! They hadn't been on land in, like, five days! He was going to have so many adventures! He joined his crew as they chatted about what they were going do when they landed.
Luffy decided to share his plans. "Gonna go start a bar fight so I can get a cool facial scar."
Franky nodded sagely. "This one time we filled a glass forty bottle with gasoline and threw it in the bonfire. It exploded into my face and now I have three not so cool scars on my face. And two broken teeth."
Usopp blinked. "What did you expect to happen?"
Franky pursed his lips. "The Lord to protect me."
Nami mutter under her breath how the Lord can only protect people from so much stupidity before they use up their quota.
Jinbe wondered what they were talking about, as Luffy got into fights all the time and already had a facial scar, and Franky clearly did not have any facial scars or broken teeth. He chalked it up to his crewmates being charmingly crazy. He smiled; his heart full of happiness. He blessed to be apart of this crew.
. . .
115
The Florian Triangle was so scary! Luffy, Zoro and Sanji had run off, leaving the rest to fend for themselves. They had been running around, bumping into all sorts of scary things. They just wanted it to stop! Finally, they collapsed into a pile outside a very haunted looking house.
Since they weren't outrunning anything, Usopp thought that maybe they should try hiding instead. He pointed to the house. "Let's hide in the attic!"
Franky thought that was a horrible idea, that's the first place the scary things would look! "No, in the basement!"
Nami pointed at a creepy bus with its lights on. "Why can't we just get in the running car?"
Robin decided to be an instigator. She smiled sweetly at Nami. "Are you crazy? Let's hide behind the chainsaws."
Since Robin was the smartest person Chopper knew he instantly agreed with her. "Smart!"
Nami couldn't find fault with Robin's logic either. "Yeah."
The group very obviously and noisily ran over to hide behind a wall of chainsaws, not noticing Brook sitting there for his afternoon tea.
The Straw Hats huddled together, trying to look around for more danger.
Franky just knew that Usopp's whimpering would get them caught. "Shh!"
Chopper wailed "I'm being quiet!" Chopper didn't want to be the one that got them caught and eaten!
Nami snapped at Franky "You're breathing on me!"
Brook watched them bicker for a few moments, enjoying the unexpected show. He took a loud slurp of his tea. Most of his guests froze and turned to look at them. The black-haired woman smiled at him. Brook resolved to ask to see her panties. Before he could speak, however, the group screamed and ran away.
Looking around quickly Robin knew where she wanted to go. "Head for the cemetery!" There were bound to be some interesting tombstones there, and one could learn so much about local history from cemeteries.
Brook decided to follow after them. They seemed like a fun group.
. . .
116
This port was fairly busy, which was good. Usopp was looking for some new gadgets for his latest project. As he was wondering about, Franky walked up to him.
The cyborg wrapped an arm around the sniper. "I'm going to save up for a new motorcycle by running a scam where I bet dudes at bars twenty beli that I can get a girl's number in under five minutes and then politely walk up to her and say 'I just bet that asshole twenty beli that I could get your number. I'll split it with you if you pretend to laugh like I just said a good pickup line and then write a fake number on my hand.'"
Franky shook his head. "Like, I never understood those kinds of bets in those shitty teen movies. Everybody loves being part of a scheme, man. Use your head!"
Usopp raised an eyebrow. "If anyone ever does this to me, I'll call them out on being a con artist."
Franky laughed. "Jokes on you, buddy! That'll only have consequences the first, what, couple dozen times? I can take a punch!" He struck a pose. "But then eventually I'll have money for the bike, and whenever I get called out, I'll just speed off, and, sure, maybe I crash and die in a gutter and the marines can't figure out why I have hundreds of fake phone numbers stuffed in my jacket and it launches a huge investigation that becomes sort of a local legend, but you know whose problem that is?"
Franky didn't wait for Usopp to answer "Not fucking mine! Because I'm a slutty motorcycle ghost, and who's gonna stop me then? The ghost marines? Nice try. Everyone knows marines can't become ghosts because they just go straight to hell."
Franky shrugged at Usopp's confused look. "Its basic math."
That was a lot for Usopp to take in. He thought for a moment before speaking. "Moral of the story, don't be a con artist or you will die in a horrible accident and become a lonely ghost."
Franky narrowed his eyes, supremely insulted. "First of all, don't you ever accuse me of have morals, narrative or otherwise, ever again. And second, where did I say I'd be lonely? I'd be a ghost on a motorcycle. That's the sexiest thing there is!"
With that, Franky went off to find the nearest bar.
That evening Franky, Nami and Robin returned to the Sunny with large bags of cash. Nami had sniffed out Franky's little scheme, and anything involving money was going to involve her. She generously let Frankly keep ten percent of the profits. Robin was just along to spend quality time with her crewmates.
. . .
117
Marco and Thatch were having a private meeting (read: drinking and commiserating about the stupidity of their siblings) in Marco's office when Ace burst into the room. Before either of the older commanders could stop him, Ace draped himself dramatically on Marco's desk, knocking a good deal of items off of it. March and Thatch scrambled to save the alcohol.
Ace flung his arm over his eyes and groaned. "I used to think that adulthood was one crisis after another. I was wrong. As it turns out, adulthood is multiple crises, concurrently, all the time. Forever."
Thatch took a large drink as he thought about what Ace said. "Confirmed."
Marco signed. Silly little brothers. "Not forever. Just till you die."
Ace had nothing to say in response to this.
Marco and Thatch continued their meeting. They wouldn't let Ace have any of their hard-won alcohol, but they would occasionally give him a snack. At least until Ace fell asleep.
. . .
108 Turbo (movie) inspired by chapter 28 of "Boy With a Scar" by Syluk 109 Shrek, Spongebob Squarepants, It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown 110 Turbo (movie) 111 Tumblr 112 Wizards of Waverly Place 113 Star Wars suggested by the wonderful Black' Victor Cachat 114 Tumblr 115 Geico Insurance Halloween commercial 116 Tumblr 117 Tumblr