Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 2
RATED TV-14
This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.
Heroes vs. Villains - Part II
(Recap)
Chris: Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, 22 of the most popular contestants have returned to compete in the latest and greatest season of your favorite million dollar game. They were split up between the goodies and the baddies, and will compete in challenges both new and old. This is gonna be an awesome season eh! Tune in tonight for the first challenge of the season, right here on TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(Theme song)
Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun
Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
'Cause I wanna be famous!
Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
(Whistling)
(everyone is atop the 1000-foot-high cliff)
Chris: Okay contestants! Your first challenge of the season is a tribute to the very first challenge of the show, jumping off this cliff into the lake below.
Owen: (nervous) Cliff jumping? Again? (gulps nervously)
Chris: Only this time, with an added twist. At the bottom of the lake are many keys which you will use to unlock the doors to the spa hotel.
Gwen: Wait a minute, if we were in the hotel earlier, then why are we...(thinks for a second) Oh, right. Of course.
Scarlett: (confessional) Chris locked the doors to the hotel with the real key and hid it with more keys at the bottom of the lake. Simple. The team who can find the right key to unlock the hotel wins.
Chris: (from outside the confessional/annoyed) Yeah! Thanks for doing my job, 4 eyes!
Chris: Anywho, you'll have to dive for as long as you can hold your breath until you get a key. But watch out! The lake is inhabited by hungry sharks! (the sharks are circling around in the water below! One of them is Fang! The minute Scott saw him, he turned as white as a sheet)
Scott: (confessional) Is it too late to quit?
Gwen: (looking at Fang from above) What the hell is that thing?!
Zoey: A mouth full of teeth with a bad attitude. That's what.
Chris: If you can dodge the sharks and get a key, a teammate will drive you to the hotel in one of the baby carriages from season 3's race through Central Park.
Heather: How will the drivers get down to the beach if we're all up here?
Chris: Oh yeah! Heh heh! I forgot. First, one volunteer from each team must be the carriage driver.
Scott: I'll drive!
Jo: No! I'll drive!
Lightning: Sha-please! You're the slowest go-kart driver I've ever seen!
Jo: But I'm the shopping cart racing circuit champion! (confessional) No I'm not. I just said that because...
Lightning: (confessional) ...Gotta respect championship status. Jo drives.
Scott: (confessional/scared) So I'm stuck rolling the dice with that man shark with feet! Why don't we just serve me to him on a platter and he can just eat me now?!
Brick: (steps forward and salutes) I would like to volunteer to drive for my team.
(the Heroes all agree)
Sky: Yeah! Brick drives!
Chris: Done! Okay Brick and Jo, let's get you into positions! (he radios Chef) Chef, a little help please? (from a hovering helicopter, Chef uses 2 ropes to carry Brick and Jo down to the beach below, where they find the carriages in their team colors)
Jo: (smug) Hope you enjoy your final moments here, Soggy McGee! Because they will indeed be your last moments period! You know, on Earth?
Brick: (angry) For your dinner tonight, you are going to eat those words!
(they growl at each other)
Brick: (confessional/determined) I will NOT be defeated by my nemesis again!
Jo: (confessional/smug) Welp, I think it's plain to see that I've already won this stupid game. Now where's my million dollars? (to the camera) You better give it to me right now or else! (she punches the camera, cracking it!)
Courtney: (confessional) The last time we had to do a cliff jump, I didn't jump because I made up an excuse not to. I really was scared back then. But I feel like I'm ready now. (takes a deep breath) I can do this!
Mal: (shouts to Zoey evilly) Good luck! You're gonna need it! (he laughs evilly and Zoey gasps!)
Zoey: (confessional) I don't know who this Mal character is or what his intentions are, but he's taken control of my Mike! Cam knows a lot about this kind of thing, but I can't rely on him to fight Mal and bring Mike back. Looks like it's all up to me.
Cameron: (confessional) I think because Mike took that fall back at the dock, it probably is the cause for awakening Mal and taking control of Mike's body. You know how getting hit in the head gives a person amnesia? With a person like Mike, it triggered this new persona! But bringing our friend back won't be easy...
Chris: One diver per team at a time. The next diver has to wait until their team's carriage returns.
Zoey: (looks down) Oh. Yikes. So, anyone want to go first? (nobody volunteers)
Sky: Me! I'll go! I dove off cliffs this height before, as part of my Olympic training.
Lightning: Lightning's goin' first!
Chris: Awesome! Ready? Go!
Lightning: WOO HOO! Lightning strikes! (he dives off the cliff)
Sky: YAHOO! (she dives after him)
(On his descent, Lightning punches Fang in the nose! Sky jumps off the sharks' heads and lands in the water with style! With the sharks distracted, the 2 athletes grab keys in no time flat!)
Geoff: Woah, rad!
Lightning: Sha-score!
Sky: Got one!
Lightning: Step aside tiny girl! Time for Lightning to check into his hotel room!
Sky: (smug) Oh, I don't think so! (they are neck and neck as they leap into their teams' carriages)
Lightning: To the hotel!
Sky: Go for it Brick!
(Brick and Jo glare at each other as they sprint towards the hotel. Brick pulls ahead)
Sky: WOO HOO! Go Brick go!
Jo: (angry/pulls ahead) One side, Brick for brains! You better think twice about checking into a hotel with my name on it!
Lightning: You mean MY name on it!
Jo: Whatever! Anyway, we're the strongest players on our team. Do we agree to stay out of each other's way until the merge?
Lightning: Cool. But then it's every champ for himself! Starting with number 1! And that's me!
Jo: (sarcastic) Yeah, yeah.
(then, Brick runs ahead again! Jo sees an opportunity to outperform Brick and she takes it! Jo runs with her eyes shut! Brick runs backwards! Jo lifts the carriage with Lightning in it over her head! Brick does the same, but with his feet! He is running on his hands!)
Lightning: (confessional) Damn!
Sky: (confessional) Did you see that? Brick and Jo must really hate each other! And Lightning seems to have competitive fire in him too! I like it!
(the Villains barely make it to the hotel ahead of the Heroes. Lightning puts his key in the lock)
Lightning: Come on key! Get in the lock!
Jo: It doesn't fit because it's the wrong key, Brightning! (they go back to the lake. Sky attempts her key)
Sky: Aw man! Wrong key! Back we go! (they follow Jo and Lightning)
Brick: If at first you don't succeed...
Both: Try, try again! (Sky giggles bashfully and blushes)
(back at the cliff, the next divers get ready to jump)
Jasmine: I'll go next.
Courtney: Me! I'll go!
Duncan: Hm, funny. In season 1 you didn't jump the cliff at all. Because you had a so-called medical condition.
Courtney: I was scared to jump back then alright? Now I feel I'm ready to conquer it!
(Duncan rolls his eyes as Jo, Lightning, Brick and Sky arrive)
Lightning: This ain't over yet tiny girl!
Sky: (smug) Oh, I look forward to it!
Chris: Next divers ready! And...go!
(Jasmine dives and Courtney dives after her)
Jasmine: TALLEY-HO!
Courtney: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
(the girls land in the water. They fight off the sharks and snag keys)
Jasmine: Got a key!
Courtney: Wow, that actually felt good! What an adrenaline rush!
Jasmine: I know, right mate?
(they hop in their teams' carriages. Once again, Brick and Jo exchange threatening glares as they head for the hotel)
Sky: (shouts to them) Good luck Jasmine!
Jo: Listen up, B-I-T-C-I-T! I'm in charge of this team! Stay the (censored) outta my way if you don't want me to make your life a walking nightmare!
Courtney: (angry) EX-CUSE ME?! You wanna run that by me again? Huh?
Jo: You heard me!
Courtney: No way! I'm the most agile and I have C.I.T. Camping experience here! I'm in charge!
Jo: I am!
Courtney: I am! (they growl at each other)
Jasmine: Keep it up mate! Almost there!
Brick: Worry not ma'am, I do sprints like these all the time.
Jasmine: Crikey! Good for you!
(the Villains reach the hotel. Courtney tests her key)
Courtney: Dammit! Wrong key!
Jo: (sarcastic) Uh huh. C.I.T. My ass!
Courtney: WHAT? I'm so gonna kick your sweatpants ass for that!
Jo: (threatening) Try me. (they head back to the lake. The Heroes reach the hotel and Jasmine tests her key)
Jasmine: Crap! Go back!
Brick: (salutes) Sir yes sir! (they follow)
(back at the cliff)
Duncan: Come on, come on!
Sierra: (to Duncan and Gwen) You know, a lot of my blog readers were pissed about you guys hooking up. But I get it. Love is love. Just like me and my Cody-Wody! (Duncan and Gwen raise eyebrows and roll their eyes)
Gwen: I thought you hated me for it.
Sierra: Meh, I'm over it now!
Duncan: And man, is it great to be free from Courtney!
Gwen: It sure is. (they smile at each other and Courtney glares at them)
Duncan: Here comes Jo! How about a kiss for luck?
Gwen: (flirts) Of course! (she kisses him) Good luck babe.
(Duncan dives into the water)
Sierra: Me next! For Cody! (she jumps) To infinity…AND BEYOND! (she lands in the water)
Zoey: Woah, think she's okay?
(underwater, Duncan dodges the sharks and Sierra fights the sharks! They get the next keys)
Duncan: Let's roll! (Jo and Duncan set off for the hotel)
Sierra: Look! I found a key that looks like Cody!
Jasmine: That's great and all mate, but the Villains have the lead! Hop to it like a kangaroo!
Sierra: Okay! (she literally hops like a kangaroo into the carriage! Brick sprints after Jo once more!)
Jasmine: I didn't mean literally! (sighs) Never mind.
Jo: Look here juvie, I'm team captain. Try to interfere and you can say goodbye to those teensy little legs of yours!
Duncan: (snarky) Whatever. I don't want to carry the team. But feel free knock yourself out trying.
Jo: Really? Are you serious?
Duncan: Duh!
(they reach the hotel and Duncan tests his key)
Duncan: (censored)! No go.
Jo: Way to pick the wrong key, Dudcan!
Duncan: (unamused) Really?
(they head back. The Heroes find themselves behind)
Brick: (angry) I don't care if I paid her respect in season 4! We are enemies!
Sierra: Oh please! There's a whole fanbase dedicated to you two! You're made for each other!
Brick: I'm sorry, what? I do not like Jo! And she doesn't like me! We do not mesh at all!
Sierra: Awww! You and her sound like a married couple always arguing on how things are done! (giggles)
Brick: Enough nonsense! We have to get to the hotel! (Brick runs faster until he reaches the hotel. Sierra tests her key)
Sierra: Awww! Cody key's too small! Back we go!
(Brick picks up the pace and runs like the wind to pass Jo!)
Jo: (surprised) What the? How did he do that?
Duncan: Wow, that guy has stamina that's off the charts. I'm impressed.
(in the booth, Chris and Chef are watching)
Chris: Really great choices by the fans! They really know how to pick 'em!
Chef: So who do you think will stick it out until the end this time?
Chris: Your guess is as good as mine. These guys really have everything!
Chef: Mhm. They sure do.
Chris: We'll be right back. (commercial break)
(at the shore, Jo and Brick arrive, where the next divers are waiting)
Sierra: Go Gwen!
Mal: I'm going next. Time to show you peons what a REAL villain can do.
(the Villains look at each other in confusion as he and Gwen dive into the water. The sharks surround Gwen)
Gwen: Hey! What are you looking at, you overgrown sushi platters you!
Mal: (evilly) Have a nice swim, goth ball. (he dunks her head underwater as he snags a key and leaps into the Villains' carriage and they head for the hotel again)
Duncan: (worried) Gwen! (she surfaces with a key in her hand)
Gwen: (smug) Is that all you got? (she jumps into the Heroes' carriage) Hurry!
Brick: Full throttle! Away! (he runs at full sprint after Jo! Jo is starting to get tired)
Jo: (tired) I hope you got the right key, or I'm gonna-I'm gonna-phew!
Mal: (annoyed) You can't even think of an appropriate threat? Some villain you are.
Jo: (tired) Hey! How would you feel to have to run back and forth like this?
Mal: Just get me to the damn hotel.
(then, Brick passes them!)
Gwen: Hi guys! Bye guys!
(Mal and Jo growl as Jo tries to run faster. Gwen's key is another dud)
Gwen: Dammit!
Brick: Man, how many keys are there in that lake?
Gwen: The world may never know. (they head back)
Jo: (shouts to Brick/out of breath) Hey! Brick! You get back here! I'm not finished with you!
Brick: Sorry ma'am, this cadet has left the battlefield!
Mal: Wrong key! Take me back!
Jo: (out of breath) Yeah yeah! Keep your shirt on! (they follow Brick back to shore)
Max: I shall go next! I am the only true evil on this team!
(all the Villains disagree over each other)
Scarlett: Wait a minute! I'll handle this. (to Max) This is your chance to prove your worth. Show the team what you can really do!
Max: Yes! Yes! I shall win this challenge and find the right key to my evil lair! (he dives)
Scarlett: (to the Villains) Let the fool believe he's valuable. Once he hits the water, you'll see his true colors.
Villains: (evilly) Ohhhhh.
Shawn: (nervous) I don't think I can do this! I mean, sharks are basically aquatic zombies!
Lindsay: Zombies? I don't want to be eaten by zombies!
Jasmine: It'll be fine Shawn! Remember the trick I showed you, just punch it in the nose and it'll leave you alone!
Shawn: (takes a deep breath) You're right. Here I go! (he dives and they both land in the water)
Max: (confessional) I can train the carnivores to be my minions! That will show my team who the real evil genius is! (laughs evilly)
(the sharks surround Max)
Max: You there! Bruce the shark! I command you to-AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! (then, Shawn beats up all the sharks! They snag their keys)
Gwen: Hm, that was pretty impressive. How'd you do that?
Shawn: Oh you know, it's part of my zombie survival training.
Max: I have collected the key to my lair! Bring me to my lair! I command it!
Jo: (stern) Don't tell me what to do, wannabe!
Brick: Hurry! We have no time to lose! (Shawn gets in the carriage and give chase to Jo again)
Max: More quickly minion! I command it!
Jo: (angry) Don't EVER talk to me like that! I am team captain! I am the alpha dog! Understand?
Max: (gasps) HOW DARE YOU!
Jo: You're like something that came out of Looney Tunes! That's how real of a villain you are!
Max: (gasps) YOU SHALL BE EXECUTED!
Jo: Just shut up and open the damn door.
(Max glares at Jo as he is about to test his key, but Shawn beat him to it! Turned out both keys were fake!)
Shawn: Aw crap!
Max: CURSES! Take me back! I command you minion!
Jo: (angry) You know what?! You've asked for it! (she grabs Max and hangs him up over the balcony by his underwear!) You can stay up there for all I care! (she laughs evilly as she catches up to Brick)
Max: EVIL WILL NOT BE SLOWED BY A MERE WEDGIE!
Brick: (to Jo) Uh, where's your teammate?
Jo: Never mind Elmer Fudd back there. I was just taking out the trash from our team.
Shawn: O-kay then.
(Brick runs ahead as Jo is out of breath)
Lindsay: Here they come!
Sugar: I wanna go!
Heather: Great. Not another joke.
Sugar: Come on! I'm the smartest and the strongest!
Sky: You should go next Owen! You could probably beat Sugar!
Owen: Uh, I already did my cliff dive in season 1. No can do.
Zoey: But you have to! We can't let the Villains get the lead!
Owen: Sorry.
Geoff: You'll just have to take one for the team, big guy!
Owen: But, the sharks!
(the Heroes push Owen over the cliff and Sugar dives. Sugar beats up the sharks and gets a key)
Owen: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! (he belly flops into the water)
Sugar: Don't take mama's house key again!
Jo: (out of breath) Ugh. Let's just end this challenge already! I can't take it anymore! (they head off to the hotel as Owen can't find a key)
Brick: Come on Owen! Pick a key! Any key!
(he gets a key and jumps in the carriage)
Brick: You're heavy like a backpack full of bricks.
Sugar: Listen here, nobody but me is winning this here pageant! I was robbed last season!
Jo: (out of breath/angry) This is no pageant! And a fat pig like you? You'll never last.
(Sugar growls as she swallows her key)
Jo: Are you kidding me?! That could have been the right key!
Sugar: What? You ain't never tried to lock up your house and hide your key in your stomach so that nobody would break in? Live a little!
Jo: (eye twitching in anger) If we lose today, guess who I'm voting for!
Sugar: Yeah! Bad Chris for locking mama out of her home like that!
(Jo growls as she heads back to shore)
Max: (still dangling from the balcony) HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME HERE! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!
Brick: Go for it Owen! (Owen tests the key but no good)
Owen: Aw man! How long until someone picks the right key?
Brick: I hope we find it soon! (they run ahead of Jo)
Jo: (out of breath) I'm still not...finished with you!
Brick: (smug) Told you before you'd never survive my squadron! Ciao! (he picks up the pace and runs ahead)
(Scott is holding onto a rock for dear life because he doesn't want to dive! Lightning tries to pry him off)
Duncan: Uh, it's your turn bro.
Scott: (scared) NO! You can't make me!
Lightning: Oh yes I can!
Geoff: I'll go next! I've been dying to all afternoon!
Zoey: Go for it Geoff!
(Geoff dives)
Duncan: You have to dive! There's not that many of us left and that robot isn't waterproof!
Scott: (scared) Yeah, but it's shark proof!
Heather: Oh drop it already! I'm diving next!
(Geoff dodges the sharks and gets a key)
Geoff: WOO!
Brick: (salutes) Well done soldier! Onwards and forwards! (they head for the hotel. Lightning pries Scott free, bumping into the robot! The robot wheels backwards and falls down the cliff and into the water! The Villains watch as the sharks attack it! Then it explodes, revealing a shadowy figure with long hair! It's Alejandro! Everyone is surprised!)
Heather: (shocked) YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
Alejandro: (confessional) Last thing I remember, I was burned to a crisp by the volcano, and Chris sealed me up in that robot suit to "heal." It feels so good to be free after all this time. I must thank Scott for his cowardice.
(Alejandro lands on the beach with a key in his hand. Suddenly, his legs shake and he collapses onto his face! Everyone is shocked!)
Alejandro: (confessional) I was trapped in that robot suit for 2 years! My legs are so asleep, they feel like noodles! (he shakes them) Wakey wakey! Nothing.
(Jo slowly walks because she is out of breath. Brick still has a lot of energy left. Geoff is surprised to see Alejandro)
Geoff: (gasps) Alejandro? How did you get here?
Alejandro: Silly Geoff. I was here the whole time.
Geoff: But...how?
Alejandro: Robot suit.
Geoff: Oh yeah! (he remembers Alejandro's accident and laughs)
Alejandro: (angry) It's not funny!
Geoff: It's hilarious! It was karma after everything you did in World Tour! Especially to my girl Bridge!
(Brick stops at the hotel and Geoff puts his key in the lock, and it opens the door!)
Geoff: YES!
Chris: The door is open! The Hamsters win! Vultures, see you at the bonfire tonight for the first elimination ceremony of the season.
(the Heroes cheer and the Villains groan)
Brick: Mission accomplished. (Jo gives him a dirty look)
(that night, the teams are gathered at the campfire pit for the elimination ceremony. The Heroes are seated in the peanut gallery, while the Villains are seated in front of the fire)
Chris: Welcome to our first elimination ceremony. How do you like the new peanut gallery? Now the winners can watch their opponents give someone the boot before they head to the spa hotel for a deluxe dinner!
(the Heroes cheer! Gwen walks over to Courtney)
Gwen: Courtney, I need to talk to you.
Courtney: (turns nose up) You can try to talk to me, but I'm not listening.
Gwen: (puts her hands behind her back innocently) I just want to clear my name after the whole thing with Duncan went down. I'm sorry.
Duncan: (nudges Courtney) Come on Court! You said you have a heart! Now show it!
Courtney: (still unamused) Hmm. It's going to take some time to let this whole thing go. (confessional) It headlined season 3! You saw! Duncan quit the game and was brought back. Then he ran off to Gwen without telling me first! Coward. And if Gwen wants me to forgive her, she must apologize and mean it. Duncan too.
Duncan: (confessional) I went off to Gwen because Courtney was about to make me boil over more than ever. I knew Gwen and I had a thing since season 1. We're just more compatible. Simple as that. If Courtney wants my forgiveness, she will have to come clean.
Gwen: (confessional) I didn't even do anything. I just really like Duncan. Seeing him receive all that abuse from Courtney was unbearable. How can I make Courtney understand that I'm innocent in this whole scandal?
Chris: Alright, before we start, I need one winner to volunteer for a special reward.
Brick: (stands up) I'll claim it.
Sky: I second that! Brick really put the team on his back today! (the rest of the team agrees)
Chris: Perfect! Your reward is spending the night in exile on Boney Island with the wild animals!
Brick: What? How is that a reward?
Chris: Because there's a McLean brand invincibility statue hidden somewhere on Boney Island! Find it and you're golden.
Brick: Fine. I'll do it. For my team. (the Heroes salute him and he salutes back)
Chef: Follow me soldier!
Brick: (salutes) Sir yes sir!
Chef: Left! Left! Left! Right! Left!
(Chef escorts him to the island)
Chris: Alright, this year, you get to vote by drawing an X on the 8 x 10 photo of the person you want to eliminate. Now, go vote!
(the Villains cast their votes)
Chris: Okay, when I call your name, you get a marshmallow. Duncan. Courtney. Scott. Alejandro. Heather. Lightning. Scarlett. Mike.
Mal: It's Mal!
Chris: Fine. Mal. You're all safe. Jo, Max, and Sugar, down to you 3. Jo, you're on the chopping block for running out of stamina and nearly costing your team this challenge. Max, you could be going home for doing very little to help your team, and expecting them to believe you're better than the other villains.
Max: I am better! (the other Villains are unamused)
Chris: And then there's Sugar. (she gasps) For also being of very little help to the team and swallowing a key.
Sugar: How come no one can understand the value of safe keeping? Huh?
Chris: (awkward) Uh...yeah. The next marshmallow goes to...(Jo, Max and Sugar wait anxiously) Jo.
Jo: YES!
Chris: Down to you two. It was a very close call. But, the final marshmallow goes to...(Max and Sugar wait anxiously) Max!
Max: Phew!
Sugar: (gasps) WHAT?! WHY ME?!
(the Villains glare at her)
Heather: (smug) Later, bimbo!
(Sky, Shawn and Jasmine sigh with relief)
Scarlett: Cannon of shame time for you.
Chris: Actually, this year, we're bringing back a classic elimination method, by popular demand! We're bringing back the boat of losers! Yeah, all the other elimination methods we used, cannons, catapults...turned out they weren't good for ratings. So we're going old school this year.
Sugar: (angry) It's impossible! I should not be the first one eliminated! It's not fair! (the boat of losers takes her away)
Sky: (confessional) I know we weren't responsible for making that happen, but thank goodness! She deserves that for everything she did on Pahkitew Island.
Chris: Well, I sure won't miss her. Who will sail off into the darkness next? Find out next week here on TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(epilogue)
Sky: (confessional) I'm going to be honest. I'm kind of glad Dave isn't here now. You saw what happened last season. It didn't work out. Now I'm in the running with these big alpha dogs Brick and Lightning! And Jo doesn't seem very friendly. At least she's athletic, not like that bimbo Sugar!
(Owen is staring at the food on his plate, thinking to himself)
Owen: I think it was nice that Sugar had something in common with me, we eat a lot. But she would probably steal my food right off my plate like Izzy. (sighs) I miss Izzy. Even though she might kill me in my sleep for fun.
(in the woods, a shadowy figure watches Owen through the window. Then, it disappears into the woods!)
(credits)
ELIMINATION ORDER
PRE-MERGE
22nd: Sugar