Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten

by IceTrae31

This is my first fanfic! I wanted to rewrite Total Drama All-Stars my own way, considering all the flak it got from fans and critics. This fanfic series started development in October 2019 and was completed in January 2022. Characters from all 3 generations will compete in more episodes, more challenges, and more drama for one million dollars! Enjoy!

3. Episode 3: Evil Dread

Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 3

RATED TV-14

This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.

Evil Dread

(Recap)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, our 22 fan favorite contestants came back to the best reality series on TV to strut their stuff all over again. It was heroes vs. villains diving into the shark-infested lake, in search for the one key that would unlock the doors to the all-new McLean brand spa hotel. Did I mention it's for winners only? Because it is. No immunity, no hotel. Mike awakened a new persona, or so we think. Thanks to Scott's cowardly fear of sharks, we learned that inside every robot beats the heart of a Spaniard. In this case, Alejandro. Unfortunately for him, he didn't hold the key to Heather's heart nor the key to the spa hotel. It was Geoff who prevailed and was the hero of the day. In the end, the Villainous Vultures bid farewell to Sugar in the return of our season 1 boat of losers, proving that Sugar-free is the way to be! Heh heh heh! Didn't ya miss that loser boat? I know Chef and I did. Who will be next to walk down this lame dock and sail away into the sunset for good? Find out right now on...TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!

(Theme song)

Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine

You guys are on my mind

You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see

I wanna be famous!

I wanna live close to the sun

Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won

Everything to prove nothing in my way

I'll get there one day

'Cause I wanna be famous!

Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na

I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!

I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!

(Whistling)

(It is early morning on Camp Wawanakwa. Everyone is still sleeping. The Villains are in the cabin and the Heroes are in the spa hotel. Mike's personalities are talking in Mike's sleep)

Chester: Dangnab it! There's a storm coming!

Svetlana: The storm is already here! And I'm scared! After all these years, he has returned!

Vito: Ay yo, how we gonna stop this scumbag?

Manitoba: Oh, he's a wily dingo alright!

Mal: Incompetent fools! You'll never defeat me! (laughs evilly)

Mike: (wakes up) Huh? Did you guys say something? (he sees that the other male villains are asleep. He thinks for a second) Why am I surrounded by bad guys?

(on the girls' side of the cabin, the female villains are asleep, until Jo is the first to wake up. She jumps down from her top bunk and lands with a thud, waking the other girls)

Heather: Ugh! What the hell Jo?

Courtney: Yeah! We were trying to sleep! What gives?

Jo: Time for my morning workout. Something you toothpicks know nothing about.

Courtney: (gets up) Excuse me? I have a black belt in mixed martial arts!

Jo: (sarcastic) Yawn.

Courtney: (angry) How DARE you doubt my physical prowess?! Don't make me kick your ass!

Jo: As your team captain, I say I would watch how you speak to me!

Courtney: No way! I'm team captain!

Heather: I am!

Courtney: No me!

Jo: I am!

(Scarlett is getting agitated and pulls her covers over her face)

Scarlett: (confessional) Ugh. It's the first day and already conflict is arising. Maybe coming back to the show was a bad idea.

Jo: You know what? Screw this! I don't know why I'm wasting my time barking at a bunch of losers when I could be out for a jog right now. So, later! (leaves)

Heather: Ugh! What a (censored)! She thinks she knows everything!

Courtney: You should talk!

Scarlett: QUIET!

(Heather and Courtney turn to Scarlett)

Scarlett: (annoyed) It is irrelevant who is in charge of the team. The only thing that matters is that we have to win the next challenge and get into that SPA HOTEL!

Chef: (from outside) ROOM SERVICE SUCKERS! (he tosses a bucket of oatmeal through the door without opening it! Oatmeal splatters everywhere!)

Courtney: Hey! What the hell is wrong with you?

Chef: Here's BREAKFAST! Heh heh heh! (leaves)

Heather: Ugh! Gross! Was that REALLY necessary?

Scarlett: I rest my case.

(meanwhile, the Heroes are in the spa hotel, sitting down to breakfast)

Cameron: Wow, I've never seen eggs so perfectly hard-boiled! The odds are 10 trillion to 1!

Lindsay: EEEEEE! Eggs, pancakes and bacon! I'm in heaven! EEEEEE!

Sky: Maple AND bacon? This is the best! If we keep winning challenges, we can live like champions all season!

Zoey: (nervous) Yeah...champions.

Sky: What's wrong Zoey?

Zoey: I'm just worried about my boyfriend Mike. Or Mal, or whatever his name is.

Sky: Huh?

Lindsay: Is that a new brand of lipstick?

Cameron: No Lindsay, it's our friend Mike. He has Dissociative Identity Disorder, or multiple personalities. And apparently this new evil persona has been unveiled and taken control of him.

Lindsay: Ohhhhhhhhh.

Sky: I see. Sounds pretty serious. (to Zoey) I'm sure things will get better.

Zoey: (smiles) Thanks Sky. I hope so too.

Jasmine: This is so much better than foraging for food on a giant fake metal island every day!

Shawn: Tell me about it! Although, just because I'm in luxury doesn't mean I'm 100% safe from the undead. I'm nobody's breakfast!

Zoey: (confused) Undead? You mean like, zombies?

Cameron: Uh, zombies aren't real. They're the fictional undead corporeal revenant created through the reanimation of a corpse.

Shawn: Oh, they're real alright. And they can spread their virus onto anyone. Which I'm not about to catch.

Jasmine: It's a long story. (chuckles)

Zoey: O-kay then. (confessional) Did Shawn bump his head when he was little or something? I don't know. Because being afraid of something so irrational is pretty far fetched, don't you think?

Gwen: I think he's been watching too many zombie movies. (chuckles)

(Owen is scarfing down his food)

Owen: Mmm! These eggs and bacon are delicious! (chuckles)

Gwen: Just, try not to steal all the food, ya pig. (chuckles)

Sierra: (sighs) I wish my Cody-Wody could see this. We would eat to our hearts' content all the time if he was here.

Geoff: I'm sure he's watching from home right now.

Sierra: (smiles) I guess you're right. I mean, he would probably want me to carry on, right?

Geoff: Yeah! Now you're getting the knack!

Sky: Hmm...I wonder how Brick is doing on Boney Island.

(meanwhile on Boney Island, Brick is foraging for something to eat. He is using a stick as a fishing spear)

Brick: Pretty creepy out here, but I'm not letting some zany wacky creatures stop a soldier from gathering sustenance. (he throws his stick into the water and catches a fish) Yes...breakfast. (then, a prehistoric goose flies over and grabs his fish! It tries to take it away but Brick grabs it and fights back!) Hey you! HALT! Give back my breakfast, bird brain! Let go! (he throws punches at the goose until it gives up) Ha! That's what happens when you get between a soldier and his meal! Now, to start a fire and get cooking. (confessional) I'm not making the same fopaux I made during season 4. I let my fears take the lead instead of my confidence. This year, I'm committed to staring my fears and anxieties in the face and pushing them aside like they're no threat. No more Mr. Soft and insecure!

Brick: (eating his fish breakfast) Mmm! This is delicious! If I had some balsamic marinade, it would be perfect.

(back at the spa hotel)

Sky: I think we should smuggle some food for Brick when he comes back. All in?

Heroes: Sure! (they all smuggle some food and put it in their pockets for when Brick arrives)

Chris: (loudspeaker) Good morning campers! It's time to kick off today's challenge! Meet me at the beach in 10!

Owen: WOO HOO! Challenge time! PAR-TAY!

Shawn: Sheesh, is he always like that?

Gwen: You learn to love him.

(everyone is walking through the woods to reach the beach. Alejandro is walking on his hands)

Heather: (annoyed) You can stop showing off your hand walking any time, you know!

Alejandro: My legs are in an indefinite state of paralysis! How else would I move? You would have known that had you ever texted me!

Heather: It's not like you ever texted me!

Alejandro: Even if I wanted to, I couldn't! Because I was trapped in a robotic containment unit!

Heather: (confessional) Please. This whole legs paralyzed thing is a load of crap. The guy just wants sympathy. I'm not falling for his sly tricks. (she still has a look of worry on her face)

Alejandro: (confessional) I never found Heather to be more radiant. Her glossy locks, her perma frown, the way the hair on her top lip catches the light when she snaps at me...keep in mind, I was in stuck in a robot suit for 2 whole years.

Courtney: (trying to sound important) AHEM! (she tries to get Duncan's attention and is impatient)

Duncan: (sarcastic) Can I help you princess?

Courtney: (angry) Don't give me that Duncan! I'm not finished with you after World Tour!

Gwen: (intervenes) Well, he IS finished with you! Isn't that right hon?

Duncan: (flirts) You know it babe. (they kiss in front of Courtney and she growls angrily) I just wish Courtney will just accept it already.

Courtney: (angry) I'M RIGHT HERE, BASTARD!

(Gwen groans)

Duncan: Back off princess! Gwen didn't do anything wrong. Leave her alone!

Courtney: (snarky) I'm still not convinced.

Gwen: (begging) Please! I'm innocent!

Courtney: HMPH!

(Gwen sighs sadly)

Duncan: (to Gwen) Ignore her. There's no place for her toxicity in our relationship.

Gwen: I know.

(Zoey looks over at Mal with worry. She thinks about what her friends had said)

(later, everyone meets up with Chris at the beach. The beach is divided into 2 halves, one half per team. Alejandro is standing on his hands)

Chris: Welcome! Before we start, let's welcome back exiled Hamster, Brick! (the boat of losers arrives on shore, and Brick jumps and flips onto the beach to join his team)

Sky: Good morning Brick! How was exile?

Brick: (salutes) Better than anticipated, thanks for asking. Those mutant critters couldn't leave me fearful for long. A good soldier never goes down without a fight.

Zoey: Awesome!

Gwen: How about the invincibility statue?

Brick: (salutes) Negatory.

Jasmine: No sweat mate. We smuggled you breakfast from the hotel.

(the Heroes give him the smuggled food)

Brick: (salutes) Thank you, my humble teammates! (he eats and Sky blushes)

Sky: (confessional) Brick is a really nice guy, he's super athletic like me, and he's cute! He's the whole package! You remember what happened last year with Dave. It just didn't work out. But I still wish him well. Brick has more in common with me. Therefore, he's a more compatible ally. (blushes)

Brick: (confessional) I am full of relief that I am free from Jo and am on the same team with someone like Sky. I reckon she would excel in my squadron back at Cadets.

Chris: Some of you may recall our season 3 Parisian, find and build a sculpture debacle. This time, our interns have buried 3-D puzzle pieces all over the beach. 11 pieces per team. Find all your pieces and assemble them on your platforms to recreate one of the landmarks visited on our World Tour. First team to finish building their sculpture wins.

Mal: Puzzles? Child's play. (snickers)

Chris: Since the Heroic Hamsters won the challenge yesterday, they get to dig with shovels. Catch! (Chef tosses shovels to the Heroes. They catch them, but Lindsay and Owen get hit on the head by theirs!)

Owen: (dazed) Thanks ma. (chuckles and falls over)

Lightning: Sha-hey! Where are our shovels? (he walks right off the platform and lands in the sand headfirst!) Aw come on! Get me outta here! Lightning is a Super Bowl superstar! Not a house plant! (Lindsay hears this and giggles cutesy like)

Lindsay: (confessional) He's silly! (giggles)

Courtney: Let me guess, we have to use our hands to dig?

Chris: 'fraid so, Villains. Oh, and the sand is loaded with booby traps, so watch your step!

Scott: No problem! Back on the farm, I dig with my bare hands all the time! For the sake of trying to locate rabbit's burrows so they don't screw up our garden!

Jo: Hey, where did small fry go?

Scarlett: You mean Max? I wouldn't worry about that.

Chris: Well, if he doesn't show up to participate, he could risk being sent to the dock of shame tonight. Chef, go find him for me, will ya? (Chef sets off to find Max)

Max: (confessional) I have had enough of my insolent teammates and their doubts of my diabolical evil ways! Now I shall build a super weapon to make them all obey ME! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Scarlett: (confessional) Fine by me. This rock in my hand is more useful than he is.

(Max is out in the woods building an evil contraption)

Max: Finally! My latest invention of great EVIL! With this remote, I shall brainwash every one of my teammates and make them my minions! And I shall be their leader! Built by the hands of an EVIL GENIUS! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (that's when Chef found him!) AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! (Chef tackles him and flings him over his shoulder)

Chef: Your team needs you, sucker!

Max: UNHAND ME, MEDDLING MENACE! I COMMAND IT! YOU SHALL FEEL THE WRATH OF EXTREME EVIL!

Chef: (unamused) So what carnival did they win you at?

(back at the beach)

Chris: Well Villains, the challenge starts with or without your lost teammate. (Chef arrives with Max) Oh wait, I spoke too soon. (Chef tosses Max onto the platform with the other villains)

Max: Ow!

Heather: Finally! Where have you been?

Max: Doing my evil deeds! You wouldn't understand!

Heather: Whatever. Just spread 'em before I feed you to the owls.

Max: Okay! (he spreads his legs and drops into the split position! He feels a crunch!) OWIE!

Heather: That's not what I meant! Ugh. Never mind. (confessional) What a loser! (mocks Max) EVIL this, EVIL that! Ugh! What wacked out world is he living in? This isn't a cartoon!

Chris: Okay, now that everyone's here, we can start the challenge! Ready? Begin!

(the heroes huddle up)

Jasmine: Here's the plan. We divide our area into 6 sections so that there can be 2 of us to a section.

Brick: (salutes) Affirmative. We will cover the most ground that way.

Cameron: But, if we're doing 6 sections and we're a team of 11, that would mean one person would take their section alone.

Jasmine: I know. Any volunteers to take a section alone?

Gwen: I guess I'll do it.

Jasmine: Good. Any objections?

Geoff: Nope. Let's do it!

Sky: No. I like the plan.

Owen: When do we eat?

Jasmine: Uh...we had breakfast like an hour ago.

Owen: But I'm still hungry!

Jasmine: The faster we get through this challenge, the sooner you can eat. Cool?

Owen: Okay.

Jasmine: Okay, any more objections?

Brick: (salutes) Negatory ma'am.

Zoey: Let's do it!

Shawn: Yeah! Smart thinking Jasmine!

Lindsay: Yay! (pause) How is this going to work?

Zoey: We each partner up to take a section of the beach to dig.

Lindsay: Ohhhhhh! I pick Lightning!

Sky: But...he's on the other team.

Lindsay: Oh, right. Bummer.

Brick: (puts his hand in) Let's do this! Heroes on 3, go team on 6! 1, 2, 3...

All: HEROES!

Brick: 4, 5, 6...

All: GO TEAM!

Gwen: (confessional) I'm so glad to be free of Heather. Every season I've been on this show, Heather was my teammate. Now I finally have some elbow room. Chew on that, OLD Heather! (giggles)

Sky: (confessional) I love how our team is getting along. And if we keep it up like we have been, I might make it to the finale again!

(meanwhile on the Villains' side of the beach, the Villains are digging as they please, except for Jo, Heather, Courtney and Max)

Jo: Strategy people! Strategy! We should start from one end and dig to the other one in a straight line!

Heather: What if the pieces are on the far end? We need 2 lines that move towards the center!

Courtney: That's not going to get it done! We need to separate the beach into quadrants and we each pick a quadrant to dig in!

Heather: Lame!

Jo: Pathetic!

Courtney: It's more valid than your stupid plan!

Heather: It's only valid if it came out of my mouth!

Jo: A scrawny no ass toothpick like you? No chance! What I say goes!

Max: Silence you blabbering glory hogs! I am the only true EVIL on this team! Therefore, I shall come up with the ideas with this! (he pulls out his contraption) With just a press of this button, I shall brainwash all of you and make you my minions! And I shall be your diabolical master! For I am an EVIL GENIUS! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Heather, Courtney and Jo are unamused)

Lightning: Ain't nobody telling Lightning where to dig! I'm my own man! (he starts digging in the water!)

Courtney: And you're digging in the water because...?

Lightning: What if Chris hid a piece underwater to try to trick us? Lightning ain't falling for that!

Scarlett: I don't think Chris would be crafty enough to hide a piece in the water, Lightning.

Chris: First of all, the interns hid them. Second of all, there aren't any pieces in the water, so you can stop digging there!

Lightning: What? GRRR! Stupid water! Lightning ain't finished with you!

Courtney: (confessional) Does that guy ever sha-shut up? Geeze!

(meanwhile, the Heroes are digging with their shovels and enjoying themselves. Sierra and Lindsay are digging excitedly)

Sierra: WEEEE!

Lindsay: Dig a hole! Dig a hole! Dig a hole! Dig a hole! Dig a hole! (laughs)

(Owen is getting tired)

Owen: (panting/exhausted) I...can't...dig...any...more...(collapses)

Jasmine: Come on, you can't be tired already!

Owen: (gasping for air) Need...food...

Geoff: Gotta keep digging big guy! We can't quit now!

Shawn: Yeah! Pretend you're being chased by a ravenous zombie horde!

(suddenly, a booby trap goes off right onto Brick! It drops dirty clothes all over him! Brick gags and coughs at the stench!)

Chris: Looks like Brick found Chef's dirty laundry! Heh heh heh!

Sky: Brick! Are you alright?

Brick: (coughing) I'm fine. (to Chris) Why would dirty laundry even be in the sand?!

Chris: I guess Chef ran out of places to store his laundry until he washed it. I don't know.

Cameron: That is just unsanitary, you know that?

(Jasmine digs until she feels something solid)

Jasmine: I think I found one!

Brick: (salutes) Outstanding job, teammate!

Jasmine: I'm going in! (She buries under the sand and comes back up with a puzzle piece! She tosses it up to the platform! Shawn sighs dreamily)

Shawn: (confessional) Jasmine and me are like the perfect acrobatic zombie survivalist duo of incredible agility! She's perfect!

Shawn: Nice! First piece! Just 10 to go!

Gwen: Keep it up guys! We can do it!

Zoey: Woo hoo! Go team!

Mal: (confessional) None of these peons know the meaning of evil as we know it. Perhaps I should give them a little lecture.

Max: (to Mal) You there! You shall be the first to join my minion army! (he presses the button on his contraption) Go and dig up the pieces for me at once! (Nothing happens) I said, AT ONCE!

Mal: (gives Max an intimidating glare) You think you're more evil than me, eh? Your obsession to be one of us is cute. (snickers) But you do not have an ounce of bonafide evil in you.

Max: (gasps) HOW DARE YOU!

Mal: (threatening) If you get in my way at all, I will turn you into rotisserie.

Max: AAAHHHHHHHH!

Mal: (to Courtney, Heather and Jo/threatening) No one tells me what to do or how to do things. I will do it my way.

Jo: (angry) Don't you DARE speak to your team leader like that!

Mal: Your attempts to intimidate could use some improvement. You don't spark any fear in me at all.

Heather: Whatever, Mike! Just get digging!

Mal: It's Mal! Get to know the name.

Heather: Whatever. Anyway, we could work in a circular motion towards the center.

Jo: Are you kidding me? No way! Start with the corners and move to the center in a zigzag motion!

Courtney: Hello? You people are impossible! Divide the beach into quadrants! It's not rocket science!

Max: Silence! We shall do it MY way when I make you all my minions! HI-YAH! (he presses the button, nothing happens)

Jo: I've just about had enough of you, small fry! (she tosses him into the lake!) In you go!

Max: (spitting out water) YOU SHALL BE DESTROYED BY MY EVIL POWER!

Scarlett: (annoyed) Ugh. Some team.

Heather: Exactly! A team without a captain is like a horse without a head! It would just run around blindly!

Scarlett: (annoyed) Correction, a headless horse would be dead.

Jo: Agreed! Which is why I am the leader!

Heather: No! I am!

Courtney: I am!

Max: Wrong fools! It is I! Me!

Courtney, Heather and Jo: SHUT UP MAX!

Scarlett: (confessional/angry) I am about this close to popping my cork. This is unbelievable. We will never win any challenges with this lack of chemistry and so many close-minded attitudes. What a bunch of children.

Alejandro: (to Scarlett) I for one, agree with you, Scarlett. You are as wise as your skin is translucent.

Scarlett: (confessional) Wow...I think I found an ally.

Jo: Attention team! I am your leader!

Heather: No! I am!

Courtney: For the last time, I am!

Max: SILENCE! I am your diabolical evil leader!

Villains: SHUT UP MAX!

Max: YOU SHALL PAY FOR YOUR INSOLENCE, YOU FOOLS! (he presses the button on his contraption, and nothing happens)

Mal: (threatening) You will never be one of us. (he snatches Max's device and throws it in the lake, breaking it!)

Max: NOOOOOO! MY DEVICE! IT'S RUINED! MALEFICENT RATS!

(suddenly, Heather steps on something solid in the sand)

Heather: I found a piece! (she digs it up and picks it up)

Jo: Hey! You wouldn't have found it without me! Give me that!

Courtney: No! I should get the first one! My strategy is the only one that's valid! So hand it over! (the girls tug on it until Heather drops it onto Courtney and Jo's feet! They scream in pain!)

Heather: (smug) So sorry. Not!

(Courtney and Jo wiggle their feet out from under the heavy piece and they tackle Heather into the moat! They wrestle!)

Chris: 2 booby traps, 2 puzzle pieces, 2 moats, and 2 All-Star loaded fan favorite teams! See who will gain the upper hand right after this!

(commercial break)

Chris: After an hour, it's still 1-1. Which raises a pertinent question. (At the top of his lungs) WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?! (everyone complains over each other) Blah blah blah! Whine whine! HURRY UP! I HAVE DINNER PLANS!

Gwen: (angry) Ugh! Do you hear yourself? You sound like a little kid right now!

Zoey: (rubbing Gwen's shoulders) It's okay. Let's just keep digging. We can do it! Okay?

Gwen: (annoyed) Hmph. I guess. (She mumbles under her breath nasty things about Chris)

(Cameron steps on a booby trap that flings him high into the air! He collides with Scott!)

Zoey: Cam!

Scott: Off of me, pencil neck! This is Vulture territory! Leave my turf! (the impact revealed a piece for the Villains) Well well well! A piece I found by accident! Heh heh heh! (he throws it up to the platform)

Chris: That's 2 for the villains! And 1 for the heroes!

(Sky is digging up a piece)

Brick: Permission to assist, teammate!

Sky: Oh! (blushes and smiles) Thanks Brick.

Brick: A good soldier always has the backs of every member of his platoon! (suddenly, a cannon appears out of the sand! It fires at Brick and he jumps out of the way! It knocks Lindsay into the moat!)

Lindsay: Ow! A little help?

Brick: Terribly sorry about that ma'am. Allow me to assist. (he pulls Lindsay out of the moat. Lindsay smiles)

Lindsay: (confessional) Wow! I like uh...what's his name again? Oh well. Either way, I like him! He's nice!

(Courtney digs up a piece for the villains)

Courtney: Yes!

Duncan: (sarcastic) Way to deliver the goods, princess. (he gets hit by a booby trap)

Courtney: (giggles) That's better.

(Jo digs up a piece as well)

Jo: Finally! (Lightning snatches it)

Lightning: Lightning to the rescue!

Jo: Hey! Give me that!

Lightning: Sha-bye-bye! (he runs away and Jo chases after him. Geoff gets a piece for the Heroes)

Geoff: Got a piece dudes! Keep it up!

Lindsay: YAY! Me too!

Owen: Hey! I got a piece too! (suddenly, a booby trap hits him in the kiwis!) OWWWW! WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE KIWIS?!

Chris: Speaking of which, where did I leave that kiwi fruit?

(Lightning digs up 2 pieces and throws them up to the platform)

Lightning: Sha-done and done! (he flexes and kisses his biceps)

Jo: Hey! Keep digging! You can flex and pose later!

(Scott sneaks over to the heroes' side of the beach and taps the sand until he feels something solid. He digs up a hero piece and tries to bury it on the villains' side! Until...)

Jasmine: AHEM! (she taps her foot sternly)

Scott: What did I do?

Jasmine: You tried to steal one of our pieces, you sneaky kookaburra! (grabs his shirt and lifts him up) Nice try! (she throws him far to the other side of the villains' side and takes the stolen piece back)

(Alejandro digs up a piece for the villains. Heather notices his legs are twitching)

Heather: Aha! I knew it was a scam! (A crab crawls out from under his leg) Oh. It's just a crab. (the crab pinches his foot! He doesn't even react to it! Heather is surprised!)

Scarlett: Um...Alejandro? (she points to the crab. Alejandro drops his piece on top of the crab, killing it)

Heather: (confessional) His legs are really paralyzed? Great! Now I feel like an idiot!

Alejandro: (confessional) It took all I had to hold in that scream until no one was looking. (When the coast is clear, he screams loudly! In the confessional, he reveals his legs are recovered!) Cha cha cha! Surprise!

(meanwhile, Sierra has dug a huge hole)

Geoff: Sierra! What's the big idea?

Jasmine: Yeah! You're 20 feet below, mate!

Shawn: We're just trying to find puzzle pieces, not dig to the center of the Earth!

Sierra: Oops! (giggles) Guess I got carried away! I was pretending I was digging for Cody!

Gwen: (rolls eyes) Figures.

Sierra: How many pieces do we have now?

Cameron: I don't know. We should probably...whoa! (Sierra throws him onto the platform) We have 10 pieces!

Geoff: Righteous! Only 1 more dudes!

Sky: Great! You guys start the puzzle! We'll keep digging!

Owen: (exhausted) Good...plan. So...hungry...

Brick: We mustn't quit now, Owen!

(Owen scrambles to his feet, still exhausted)

Owen: Aw, man. (confessional) I'm no archaeologist. And I think the only digging I can do is the way my dog does it when he's trying to bury a bone in the yard. Once, we found a whole ribeye buried in our garden! And it was still fresh!

(Cameron and Geoff examine the pieces to their sculpture)

Geoff: Looks like a book, a crown, what is this?

Cameron: I know! It's Lady Liberty!

Geoff: Gnarly! Sweet brains, tiny bro!

Cameron: Thanks...bro.

(meanwhile on the Villains' side, Mal collects another piece)

Mal: Perfect. Time to build.

Max: Hey! Where did everybody go?

Scarlett: (annoyed) We're building the sculpture now Max.

Max: Oh. Then build me my weapon! I command it!

Heather: (annoyed) You know what? I've had enough of you!

Courtney: Ugh! Me too! You're not a villain at all! You're a fraud!

Max: (gasps) YOU DARE MOCK MY SUPERIOR EVIL GENIUS?!

Duncan: Seriously, you trying to be evil when you really aren't is for the birds.

Max: YOU SHALL BE EXECUTED, YOU CRIMINAL BUFFOON!

(Duncan picks up Max by his underwear and kicks him into the lake!)

Duncan: Big words from someone who would look good COVERED IN BATTER! (all the villains laugh at Max! They jump up onto the platform with their pieces)

Heather: Come on! Let's build it already!

Alejandro: Try those 2 together. No, those 2.

Jo: I think I know what I'm doing, leggy McLatin.

Alejandro: (annoyed) It's Alejandro.

Jo: Whatever.

(the Heroes are one piece short of winning the challenge)

Jasmine: 1 more piece!

Brick: It has to be in Owen's section!

Owen: (moving sluggishly) I'm moving as fast...as I...can.

Gwen: No, your stamina is just drained.

Lindsay: Aw, poor Owen!

Cameron: All we need is the torch! Let's go!

(on the Villains' side, their sculpture is built, but missing a piece)

Courtney: Hmm...it's tall and boxy, like a tower. Oh! It's Big Ben!

Heather: Uh, there's a big hole!

Scarlett: It's the clock! We need the clock!

Courtney: Good! One of you jump down and find it!

Lightning: Lightning is on it! (he jumps down into the sand and digs like the wind to find it! Jasmine and Brick lift Owen and find their last piece under him)

Sky: The torch!

(Lightning finds the Villains' final piece)

Courtney: The clock! Toss it up! Hurry!

(Sky and Lightning toss their respective pieces up to their sculptures! Sky's piece lands on the heroes' sculpture before Lightning's does! The heroes' sculpture is complete! The heroes cheer!)

Chris: And the Heroic Hamsters win again! (The Villains groan. Sky blows a raspberry at Lightning as the heroes cheer) Now, I do require a volunteer for exile.

Owen: I'll do it. I nearly cost us today. I owe you guys one.

Chris: Done! Chef, take him to Boney Island. (Owen sets off on the boat of losers for Boney Island)

(that night, the teams are at the campfire pit for the elimination ceremony. The heroes are seated in the peanut gallery. The villains are seated by the fire)

Heather: (angry) Twice in a row?! What is wrong with you losers?! I wish I could vote for 3 people! (Courtney and Jo glare at her)

Chris: Whoa! It's only the 3rd episode and we've got major tension already! Heh heh heh! Anywho, 10 Vultures will soon become 9 after I bid one of them farewell.

Mal: (confessional) One by one, they will all fall.

Duncan: (confessional) Tough call. Max, Jo, Heather and Courtney are all annoying. But Mal? That is one bad motherf-(confessional ends abruptly)

Jo: (confessional) Can I vote for all of them? Seriously, I put the team on my back today! Why can't anyone appreciate that!

Chris: Anywho, you know the drill. If you don't get a marshmallow, it's game over for you! The following villains are safe. Duncan, Alejandro, Scarlett, Lightning, and Scott. (Jo, Courtney, Heather and Max are left) Heather, Jo, Courtney and Max, you 4 racked up a lot of votes. Each of you were focusing more on dictating your team than actually helping them with the challenge today. Tsk tsk. One of you will be going home tonight and cannot return. EVER.

Heather: (annoyed) Get on with it, will ya?

Chris: Fine! Next marshmallow goes to...(they glare at him as they wait) Courtney.

Courtney: Yes!

Heather and Jo: Hmph!

Chris: Next villain safe from elimination...Jo.

Jo: HA! Take that, old Heather! (Heather glares at her)

Chris: Heather, Max, down to you. (they glare at each other) The final marshmallow goes to...(Heather and Max hold their glare as they wait) Heather.

Heather: (smug) Of course.

Max: (surprised) WHAT?! INCONCEIVABLE! YOU DARE TO VOTE OFF YOUR DIABOLICAL MASTER?! THE EVIL I WILL INFLICT ON YOU WILL BE-

Scarlett: (interrupting) Just get him outta here, please?

Chris: Sure. Chef?

(Chef flings Max over his shoulder like a sack of yams and tosses him onto the boat of losers)

Max: I AM NOT FINISHED HERE! THIS ISLAND WILL SOON BE MINE! MINE I TELL YOU! MINE! I SHALL HAVE MY REVENGE! (he disappears in the distance)

Scarlett: (confessional) Ahhh. That's one less problem for me. And for the team. But I'd like to actually win some challenges for once. Know what I mean?

Chris: So far we lost the 2 biggest oddballs of the season! Who will be the next to ride off into the dark of night? Find out next time on TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!

(credits)

ELIMINATION ORDER

PRE-MERGE

22nd: Sugar

21st: Max