Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 6
RATED TV-14
This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.
Aftermath I
(Recap)
Sugar: (angry) It's impossible! I should not be the first one eliminated! It's not fair! (the boat of losers takes her away)
Max: (surprised) WHAT?! INCONCEIVABLE! YOU DARE TO VOTE OFF YOUR DIABOLICAL MASTER?! THE EVIL I WILL INFLICT ON YOU WILL BE-
Scarlett: (interrupting) Just get him outta here, please?
Jo: (struggling) YOU MADE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE IN YOUR FORSAKEN LIVES! VOTING OFF YOUR TEAM CAPTAIN! YEAH, GOOD LUCK WINNING CHALLENGES WITHOUT ANY (CENSORED) LEADERSHIP TO GUIDE YOUR SORRY ASSES! I'LL BE BACK! (the boat of losers takes her away)
Sierra: I just can't take anymore of being away from my Codykins! I don't care about the money. I care about Cody more! And I just want to go home to him! So, I quit.
(Total Drama theme song)
Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun
Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
'Cause I wanna be famous!
Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
(Whistling)
(Aftermath theme song)
(In the Total Drama Aftermath studio, the audience claps and cheers as Bridgette and Blaineley are seated at center stage with the peanut gallery on both sides)
Bridgette: Hi everyone! Welcome to the long waited return of Total Drama Aftermath! I'm Bridgette!
Blaineley: And I'm Blaineley Stacey Andrews O'Halloran!
Bridgette: It's season 6 of our totally dramatic reality show! And after a long 2 season hiatus, we're finally back on the air!
Blaineley: And we couldn't have done it without the support from our fans!
Bridgette: That's right! We have the greatest fans in the world! Thank you all so much for your love and support of the show, we greatly appreciate it! (The audience cheers)
Blaineley: Indeed! Today, we'll be dishing everything to date about the latest season, TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
Bridgette: Get ready for special guests, live interviews, and more! But first, say hello to our beloved peanut gallery! From our original cast, we have Cody, Noah, Eva, Katie and Sadie, Tyler, Trent, Justin, Beth, Leshawna, Harold, DJ, and Izzy! (The audience cheers) Ezekiel couldn't be here for...personal reasons. From Revenge of the Island, say hi to B, Dawn, Dakota (she is back to normal and her blonde hair is slowly growing back), Anne Maria, Staci, (her hair grew back) and Sam! (The audience cheers) And finally, from Pahkitew Island, meet Ella, Dave (his hair grew back), Leonard, Beardo, Amy and Sammy, Topher, and Rodney! (The audience cheers)
Blaineley: Wow! That's the largest peanut gallery we've ever had on the Aftermath!
Bridgette: That's right! It's everyone who's ever competed in Total Drama history!
Blaineley: So everyone, how does it feel to not be qualified to All Star status by the fans?
Bridgette: (stern) Easy Blaineley. These guys have had it rough. I can't imagine having to experience all that! Toxic waste? Mutants? A fake island? Robots? Plus the torture from Chris and Chef? Yikes! Blaineley: Damn right yikes! (to the peanut gallery) Anyway, how does it feel to not be in the game anymore?
Dakota: It was a load off, actually. I learned this show was the wrong place to get exposure. On the upside, I was given an antidote for my mutation and my hair is growing back nicely.
Sam: And Dakota and I are happy together!
Bridgette: Aw, that's nice!
Blaineley: (unamused) How sweet.
Amy: Those fans have no taste! I should be competing!
Harold: I'm bummed I can't showcase my wicked skills anymore!
Noah: (sarcastic) Or lack thereof.
Leshawna: You got mad skills in my eyes, sugar baby.
Dave: (pretending not to care) Whatever. Don't care.
Topher: I say I should be hosting this show! I struck out hosting the game, so why not host this show instead?
Blaineley: Uh...No dice junior. Give it a few years.
Topher: Oh come on! But I have a lot to offer!
Blaineley: Moving on! What about you Bridgette? How do you feel?
Bridgette: It's okay. I know Geoff will make me proud! I hope you win schmoopie boo! Miss you!
Blaineley: (sarcastic) Lovely. It's almost time to bring out our first group of guests! But first, take a look.
(The monitor plays recap footage of Sugar and Max)
Blaineley: Sugar was a hit-hard bruiser during her time on Pahkitew Island and on this season too.
Bridgette: Kinda reminds me of my friend Leshawna. But Sugar proved that she can be more sour than sweet, as she was labeled a villain.
Blaineley: As for Max, well, let's just say cartoony villains and reality TV aren't a good combination. (Laughs)
Bridgette: I'll say! (Laughs) Max had intentions to take control of his team, but his more evil teammates had something else in mind. Our guests have eaten a tarantula, invented zany gizmos and gadgets, performed in numerous TV commercials and beauty pageants, and impersonates a stereotypical evil genius, welcome...Sugar and Max! (The audience stays quiet as Max and Sugar take the stage)
Sugar: (angry) Hey, let's make some noise out there! (She gets booed by the audience) That wasn't what I meant!
Max: Where are my minions in the crowd? You will acknowledge my presence or you will be executed! (Still nothing. The peanut gallery laughs at him) SILENCE! IT IS NOT FUNNY!
Bridgette: (awkward) Uh...welcome to the show guys! Glad you could make it!
Sugar: (angry) Whatever. I shouldn't be here anyhow.
Max: (angry) Likewise. For I must really still be in the competition and not on this silly show.
Noah: (snarky) Ha! So what circus did you clowns escape from?
Max: (angry) You there! You shall be the first victim of my EVIL!
Blaineley: (awkward) Uh...we'll save that for later. Anyway, let's ask some questions of our, uh, guests! Shall we?
Bridgette: (awkward) Uh...yeah! We shall! (Giggles) So, Sugar, how did it feel to be the first one voted off the show?
Sugar: (threatening) Do you really want the answer? Huh? Do ya?
Noah: (sarcastic) Wow, not really sugary now, are you?
Sugar: (angry) Why I oughta...let me at him! Let me at him!
Eva: You probably couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. Sugar: (angry) What did you say, caterpillar brow?
Eva: You better shut up before I slap those lips off your face and make you kiss your own ass.
Blaineley: (awkward) Uh, sounds like she's super pissed.
Eva: And someone get this (censored) a bra please? Her bouncing slinky breasts are scaring the kids for Christ sakes! (everyone laughs, except Sugar!)
Sugar: (angry) HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME!
Blaineley: Uh, security! (2 interns hold Sugar back) Yep, she's pissed alright.
Bridgette: (awkward) I'll say! Uh, Max. What did losing the game on account of your, uh, leadership, mean to you?
Max: (angry) It meant that my team has sealed their own fate by voting off their diabolical master! That's what! (Everyone in the peanut gallery laughs at him)
Eva: You call yourself evil? This is evil! (She makes a scary face and growls viciously!)
Max: AAAHHHHHHHH! RABID AMPHIBIAN!
(Bridgette and Blaineley laugh)
Max: SILENCE! REVENGE!
Bridgette: (laughs) I think it's time to bring out a classic segment in honor of my boyfriend and cohost Geoff, who is still in the game at the moment. That's right, it's time for TRUTH OR HAMMER!
Sugar: Wait, what?
Blaineley: It's a segment on our show where we find the truth from our guests. We ask you a question and if you answer incorrectly, a giant hammer will swing down and knock you right into next week! (Laughs)
Max: Evil fears no hammer. (The hammer swings and hits Max! He is flung to the other side of the stage!) Ehh...the pain of it all...
Noah: (snarky) I thought this was Total Drama, not Looney Tunes. (Everyone laughs at Noah's comment, except Max)
Bridgette: Uh, interns! Please escort our guest back to his seat. (2 interns drag Max back to the hot seat)
Blaineley: Okay! First question. For Sugar. The first challenge was to find a key and unlock the spa hotel. What possessed you to swallow a key? It's not even food!
Sugar: Safe keeping! Duh! (The hammer swings and hits her! She is flung across the stage! Everyone laughs)
Bridgette: I don't think so.
Dave: She'll eat anything. Trust me, I witnessed it. Not pleasant.
Blaineley: Apparently, that sounds more logical, by her standards.
Bridgette: Big words from someone who ate a slice of pizza off the floor. (The audience goes oooooh)
Blaineley: (embarrassed) Can we not talk about that?
Bridgette: (laughs) Fine. But you know you it's true.
Blaineley: That clip was fake! Can we move on please?
Bridgette: Okay, okay. (giggles) Oh, I think we have some archived footage! Roll it!
(The monitor shows Sugar eating all kinds of inedible objects! Like twigs, poison berries, bugs, even foam from a fire extinguisher! Everyone is disgusted!)
Sugar: What? That there was good eatin'! Don't love it till you try it! (Bridgette and Blaineley gag! DJ pukes!)
Izzy: Yuck! I think Big O has met his match when it comes to eating! Although, he likes REAL food.
Bridgette: (trying not to puke) EHHHH! GROSS!
Blaineley: (trying not to puke) I think that trumps the time I ate that pizza off the floor! (She covers her mouth in embarrassment) Oops!
Bridgette: She admitted it! Ha!
Blaineley: (embarrassed) Off topic! Moving on!
Bridgette: Uh, sure. Next question Blaineley?
Blaineley: Uh, right! This question is for Max. Last season, Scarlett was your ally and then she turned on you. How are you two holding up now?
Max: Meh. I am better off without that silly fool.
Blaineley: And look where it got you! Out of the game!
Max: Do not provoke me, you animal!
Blaineley: (awkward) Uh...o-kay then.
Bridgette: Let's hear from a viewer now! Gabby from Minnesota writes, Max, will you and Scarlett get back together any time soon?
Max: What? Silly viewer person! Evil doesn't date! And we were never dating in the first place! I do not need a sidekick! For she has proven herself inferior to me!
Sugar: But y'all had something romantic going last season! That's why Chris wanted to split y'all up!
Max: We did not! (He tries to slap her) HI-YA!
Sugar: (laughs) You're still funnier than a junebug caught in my granny's wig, you know that?
Max: (angry) I will wipe that insolent smile off your-
Bridgette: (awkward/interrupting) Uh, it's time we take a break.
Topher: So don't go away! We'll be right back with Total Drama Aftermath after these messages.
Blaineley: Ahem, that's our job.
Topher: Whatever. (under his breath) I should be hosting this show.
Bridgette: We'll be right back with more TOTAL! DRAMA! AFTERMATH!
(Commercial break)
Bridgette: Welcome back to Total Drama Aftermath! It's almost time to introduce our second group of guests! But first, take a look.
(The monitor plays recap footage of Jo and Sierra)
Blaineley: Jo came into this season picking up right where she left off, which is...
Bridgette: Taking charge of her team, which didn't end in the way she anticipated. But she didn't go down quietly before butting heads with Brick several times!
Blaineley: And then there's a more familiar face, Sierra. From Celebrity Manhunt interviewer to Total Drama All-Star! It's been quite the journey for this superfan, until her tenure on the show came to a screeching halt when she decided to quit the game so she could be with the man she loved.
Cody: She did that for me? Huh. Guess she really missed me.
Bridgette: I guess so, Cody. Our next pair of guests have more than 20 Total Drama blogs, worked out naked, and both have switched teams in the past, welcome...Jo and Sierra! (The audience cheers as they take the stage)
Sierra: (excited) OMG! The Total Drama Aftermath studio! It's much cooler in person! EEEEE! There's my Codykins! Hi Cody! I missed you so much! Cody: (uncomfortable) Uh, hi Sierra.
Jo: Just get on with it, crazy fan!
Sierra: Fine! Don't get your hood in a knot!
Blaineley: So nice to have you on the show!
Jo: (angry) Whatever.
Sierra: Thank you Blaineley! Hi Bridgette!
Bridgette: Hi Sierra! Nice to see you again!
Sierra: Aw, thanks! Hi everyone!
Katie and Sadie: Hi Sierra!
Blaineley: So Jo, you entered the season as a mighty contender for the money, where did things crash and burn?
Jo: (angry) When my so-called teammates decided to vote off the strongest and smartest player.
Eva: I said the same thing when the Killer Bass voted me off in season 1.
Jo: I wasn't talking to you, unibrow!
Eva: (angry) And you call yourself a leader? I wouldn't want you as my team captain!
Jo: (angry/stands up) Is that challenge?
Eva: (angry/stands up) That's what it's about to be if you keep running your pie hole!
(they growl at each other)
Bridgette: Okay! Okay! Break it up! Let's get on with the show before this goes too far.
Eva: Fine.
Jo: Fine. (They sit back down) As I was saying, I am the smartest and the strongest player on my team! And voting me off like that was a BIG mistake!
Max: Wrong fool! It was I! I am the smartest and the strongest! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Jo: Can it, Doofenschmirtz! You're nothing but a scrub! Used for scrubbing the washrooms after they're used! (Everyone laughs, except Max!)
Max: (gasps) HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH INSOLENCE! I SHALL BRAINWASH YOU AND-
Jo: (interrupting) Just stop talking. I'm losing brain cells just listening to your nasily prepubescent voice. Anyway, I'm the strongest and the smartest! And my team dug themselves a hole the size of the Grand Canyon! (The hammer swings down at her, but she quickly gets out of the way!) WHAT THE (CENSORED) WAS THAT?!
Blaineley: Just part of our little game called Truth or Hammer!
Sierra: Ooooh! I love that segment!
Harold: The Grand Canyon is 277 miles long by 18 miles wide, and about a mile deep, with a river at the bottom.
Jo: No one cares, Napoleon Dynamite!
Harold: Fine! GOSH!
Bridgette: Uh...okay! Next question is for Sierra. After a solid performance in World Tour, you chose to quit the game. What made you want to leave the game so early?
Sierra: I just missed Cody so much! Being away from him was making me lose my focus. I would start to see hallucinations of him when he's not around, that I would not realize what I'm doing. Now that I'm here, Cody and I are reunited! (She runs over to Cody and hugs him tightly and kisses him! She carries him over to the hot seat with her)
Cody: Really Sierra, you didn't have to quit the game just for me. You could have kept going for your own benefit.
Sierra: Oh, but I wanted to. I wanted to be with you again sweetie!
Katie and Sadie: Awww!
(Jo gags)
Blaineley: (sarcastic) Yes yes, how sweet. Next question! This fan wrote, Jo, will you and Brick ever put your differences aside and become a couple?
Jo: (angry) Are you (censored) kidding me?! I will NEVER date dampy pants or anyone on this (censored) show! Brick for brains is a hopeless loser!
Sierra: That's not what the fans on my fan site say!
Jo: (angry) Well, it's not true! (Just when they think the hammer is going to swing down, it doesn't)
Bridgette: Uh, I guess she was telling the truth.
Blaineley: Sounds like Sierra's fans are pushing for something that they're going to keep waiting for! And we have some archived footage to prove it! Roll it! (The monitor plays footage of Brick and Jo arguing, then they start to wrestle!)
Bridgette: Wow, quite the rivalry there!
Sierra: Oh, and Brick seems to like Sky more.
(The monitor plays footage of Brick training with heavy logs, and Sky is watching him and blushing. The audience awes in adoration)
Blaineley: Any comments, Dave?
Dave: (pretending not to care) Still...not...caring!
Sierra: He looks like he's going to crack! (giggles)
Blaineley: How do you really feel about your crush hanging with the big dogs?
Dave: (pretending not to care/jealous) I...DON'T...CARE! UGHHHHH!
Noah: (sarcastic) Yeah, right.
Bridgette: Alright Blaineley, that's enough. Now it's time to check our webcam! Mario from Florida! Hi Mario! (A gamer sitting at a desk wearing a Mario shirt)
Mario: Hi guys! I have a question for Max. Why do you have a fascination for evil?
Max: Silly fool. I AM EVIL. I am more EVIL than anyone could ever have imagined! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Jo: (sarcastic) You know, you need to get out more. (Everyone laughs, except Max)
Max: ENOUGH INSOLENCE! ALL OF YOU! I SHALL BRAINWASH YOU ALL AND MAKE YOU MY MINIONS!
Eva: (threatening) Make me.
Izzy: Cuckoo! Cuckoo! (Laughs)
Blaineley: (awkward) O-kay. Well, thanks Mario! Oh, one more thing. Where's Luigi? (Laughs)
Mario: Very funny. My brother's name is Mark. Later guys! (He signs off)
Bridgette: Okay! For our next segment, one of Geoff's favorite segments of all, THAT'S GONNA LEAVE A MARK!
(The monitor plays footage of bloopers and wipeouts from the season so far. Owen falling on top of Scott, squashing him! The audience laughs! Alejandro getting pinched by a crab and screaming at the top of his lungs! Cameron sent flying into a tree! Scott pelting Owen with paintballs! The audience laughs harder! Lightning falls into the sand headfirst! Everyone cracked up!)
Blaineley: Now that's gonna leave a mark!
Bridgette: (laughs) You would have loved that clip, Geoff! I'll send it to you.
Sugar: Oh! I just remembered the Aftermath jingle! (Before she could start dancing and singing, Blaineley cuts her off)
Blaineley: And that's all for today! Join Chris and the gang next time for another dramatic and exciting episode of...
Bridgette: TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS! (The audience cheers as they cut the lights and the show ends)
(credits)