How did you deal with grief…?
And for that matter, how were you supposed to accept having been… dead?
How did you accept that most of your friends were dead…?
For Toru at least, there was no easy answer.
So of course, at first, he did it the way he knew. The exact same way he had done when his father had died.
Simply put, he pretended it didn't happen at all.
And he was pretty decent at that.
He just… pushed it aside.
And did something else.
Something like... going to see the girl he was dating at the time he... died. That felt real.
Or he drew. He drew a lot. That felt real, too.
He trained, too. Because that was something he knew well. And it gave him something that felt real, something to focus on.
Because how else was he meant to accept the fact that he had been killed by the village he had killed and killed over for…?
He had been ready to die for Konoha, once.
And that was how they repaid him?
How else was he meant to accept the fact that his best friend — Sasuke was his brother in all but blood, and that was a different thing altogether — had killed his teacher…?
How else was he meant to accept that the world just kept on spinning its thread, even without him in it… as self-centered as it sounded?
How else was he meant to accept that most of his friends were dead?
How else was he meant to accept that he had died for nothing…?
How else was he meant to continue killing people…? Because a war would be coming, at some point. There was no doubt about it.
How else was he meant to just go on and be fine—
So Toru did things the usual way. He buried his head in the sand and pretended everything was alright.
He made more jokes, and just breathed easier knowing that Shisui was not around.
Not only because he would have figured him out.
But also because Toru was so damn conflicted about how he felt about him.
Shisui, on Danzo's orders, had almost doomed all of them. And soon after, Danzo had actually killed him. He didn't really blame Shisui for that, since he hadn't known at the time, but gods… emotions didn't follow any sort of logic.
Conflicted was how he felt about Naruto, too.
And not just the supposedly usual way people felt when someone close to them died.
Kazumi, the therapist, told him that a death… particularly if it was unexpected, usually led to shock or surprise.
And that "—a grieving person might feel that the traumatic event is not happening to them, rather… to someone else. Perhaps that the consequences of the death are not as severe as they actually are, Toru—"
Then she had said something about Five Stages of Grief being more or less disproven as a structured psychological model that everyone went through.
And that "—sure, those are five common ways that people might grieve, but some people might not go through every stage, might go through the stages in different orders, or go back and forth between stages...there's also more than just five ways someone might grieve to begin with."
Toru shut the voice out.
He still remembered what she named the first phase, though. She called it denial.
But Toru wasn't in denial.
How could he be…?
How could he not realize how fucked everything was…?
His closest friend had become a mass murderer. He had killed the man who had taught them how to survive in the first place.
And Sasuke was undoubtedly blaming himself.
Sakura, Karin… hell. Even that creepy, invincible Orochimaru had died. Just like he himself had died. And then…
His brother had exchanged the lives of other people for his, just to allow Toru to live again. Because that was what it was, really.
What fucking right did he have to do this…? This was playing at god. And this was no better than Naruto's actions, to Toru.
What fucking right did he have to live, when others remained dead…? There were so many people who deserved, more than him, to have another chance at life again.
And instead, he was here.
Because he had gotten himself killed like a dumbass. And his fucking older brother loved him way too fucking much to let him be dead in peace.
Toru let out a bitter chuckle.
Why…? Why did he have to live again? Why him?
Why did he have to do this again…? He had died already.
What was the fucking point…?
…Why was he crying?
He was not sad. Why would he be…?
Sakura was a terrible person… on a good day.
Naruto was most likely the worst asshole around.
Karin was… No. Karin was great.
Toru snorted a laugh. The ugly tears started to come out.
If Sakura was around, she would likely murder the Tsuchikage as well as the Kazekage and call it a day.
If Naruto was around, he would… Oh gods. Just the thought of it terrified him. He would be insufferable.
If Karin was around… Shit. She would be alive.
So why did they have to go and become vigilantes, suddenly…?
Why did they have to go and get themselves killed, exactly…?
Ino barely said a word, during the day. She buried herself in projects.
Hanabi was too quiet. Too fucking nice, too.
Anko didn't want to lead. And now she had to.
Shisui didn't know how to act around him. Toru didn't know how to act around him.
Sasuke felt guilty. He thought he bore the weight of the world on his shoulders, of course. And that he had failed them. As Sasuke would.
Itachi… Well, no. Itachi was Itachi.
It was wrong. Everything was wrong.
Only Akemi seemed to be herself. And she was as understanding as one could be. But even then… what was there to say…?
Oh, gods.
They were actually dead dead.
According to Kazumi, in the five stages of grief… ("—even though an orderly progression is not necessarily followed or even being observed—") denial was followed by anger.
Well…
It took Toru an entire week to start to feel angry. But it lasted for a while.
Ino, on the other hand… didn't have to wait.
There were so many things they had to do.
She found herself wiping her eyes randomly.
Anko took care of wielding the actual authority in order to avoid total chaos, of course… But that was only part of it.
They were trying to move toward peace, but there were a lot of ways things could go wrong. Which meant they had to start planning for what to do in case things went really wrong.
And in the meantime, they needed to take care of the living.
Ino knew it included herself.
So what if she preferred to keep herself busy…?
There were glaring mental health concerns, for most shinobi. And civilians, as well, since they actually had to live in the same world, while being powerless, on top of it.
Ino stuck to what she knew. If she could help train people in the mind arts, or get others the help they needed… of course she would do it.
They had enough blood on their hands already, and there would be more to come.
The least she could do was to try to make life more bearable for everyone she could help.
She couldn't help but think of Karin.
She really, really missed her.
Just like she missed Forehead.
And Naruto. Gods, Naruto.
There were so many conflicting feelings, whenever she thought of him, right now.
Truth be told…
Being with Naruto had always felt like they were heading for a fall.
And remembering the look in his eyes, purpler than amethyst… He must have known it too.
Then why did have to go and make her fall in love with him…?
Why did he have to give her such terrible, terrible memories to remember…? All of them felt painful, each in a singular way.
She remembered. All of it.
She remembered a young boy with a lopsided smile.
She remembered a headstrong man who made the impossible seem like nothing but a logical conclusion.
Why did he have to make so many goddamn promises, if he had never intended to uphold them?
She had actually thought that he would manage to come back this time too. That even one of his contingencies would work.
But he was still dead.
Why did he have to leave?
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Ino's mother asked quietly.
For once, she seemed to be quiet. Noriko had been married to a shinobi for two decades. She knew what kind of terrible, terrible things they often dealt with. And that there was only so much words could accomplish.
"No. Not really." Ino said. She wasn't one of the dead. Nor the one who had come back to life.
"Well… If you need anything, please tell me."
Noriko waited near the sliding door.
"…They died." Ino said. "They died."
Ino's mother didn't say anything. She just drew closer, pulling her daughter in her arms.
"They died because I wasn't good enough."
"You're wrong on that." Noriko said.
"How would you know that?!" Ino was hissing.
Her mother didn't react, of course. She had seen enough of the worst of Ino's temper.
"Didn't you… get rid of that Uchiha man?"
"Yes, but—"
"Didn't you help make it all possible in the first place?"
"Yeah—"
"Didn't you make it possible for… him to win?"
"I… Partially. Yeah. I guess."
"Then stop beating yourself up over something that's not true." Noriko said firmly.
"…Huh?"
"My own feelings for… that man aside." Noriko said, and Ino couldn't help but chuckle through the tears.
"You can say hoodlum, mom." Ino sniffled.
"Thank you dear. My own feelings for that hoodlum aside… There's no denying that he loved you. And if he brought you there, he trusted your ability. All of you fought the most horrifying power in the world…"
Noriko paused. She had not been happy about this part at all. Not then, not now.
"…and you lived to tell the tale. I don't believe that anybody else would have managed. Don't be so hard on yourself. You can't—"
"…Please don't say you can't save everyone."
Her father used to say it, and it was the last thing she wanted to hear.
"I wasn't about to." Her mother answered.
"I… I didn't want to save everyone." Ino sobbed. "Just… them."
"I know."
Her mother hugged her tighter. She didn't bother saying it would be fine, because she had lived through the same thing, when she had lost Inoichi. She knew Ino didn't want to hear it.
Besides… did it ever become fine…? Noriko couldn't say this with certainty either.
"I love you, Ino." She said.
"…I love you too, mom." Ino sniffled.
Hanabi lay on the damp grass, under the night sky.
The moon and the stars shone bright tonight.
She was sure Naruto would have enjoyed it.
Until recently, after her mother had died when she and Hinata were young… Hanabi had shut herself off from others. And in truth, she could not remember having any close friends back in Konoha.
Some favorite cousins, certainly. And she had Hinata, of course.
But it hadn't been until Umi, until she found herself dragged into this impossible mess of fucked up friendships and even stranger romantic relationships, that she could say with certainty that yes, she could bring herself to care deeply for other people.
It surprised her when it happened.
It hadn't been much in the beginning, just a small spark, something hardly worthy of notice.
And then…
She suddenly found herself doing her best to keep all of these weirdos alive. Not because of duty, of obligation…
But because she didn't want to picture a world without them.
And she had wondered why she had wanted to distance herself from people so much in the first place.
Right now, she remembered why.
Half of them were dead.
It hurt.
More than any physical wound could.
But…
She had no regrets. And she wouldn't have regretted it any more had she died herself.
It was worth it. All of it.
So Hanabi wouldn't isolate herself this time.
Besides, there were people who needed her, too.
Anko buried herself in her work.
Losses never stopped hurting.
Some shinobi grew numb, but Anko had never really learned how to do it so well. Not that she was that interested.
Sensei had been… a big part of her world. And that was something of an understatement. Without Orochimaru, there would have been no Anko. At least not the woman she now was.
Naruto had been like a weird little brother, at first. Then a fierce leader.
Karin had been with her and Sensei so long that she had forgotten how empty things would be without her nagging.
Sakura had been too much like her, already jaded before she had even turned twenty. And a good friend, someone she could rely on.
She wanted to see them.
But she couldn't.
It was an absurd thought. She didn't want to share her grief with anyone, anyway.
If she was to be Umi's leader, now… Thanks to her sensei and his latest student's terrible habit of creating a mess and leaving others to deal with it…
Well, she'd better make it the best place in the entire damn world.
Better to be of use to someone. Or something.
Besides, she had good friends, and a lover, too.
And time resumed its flow, slowly but inexorably.
It was a late sunny afternoon when they prepared the pyre.
Only three of Umi's citizens died during the battle.
Even then, perhaps because of it, their funeral was well attended.
"I think…" Toru began, sniffling.
Hanabi just looked at him in question, her eyes entirely red.
"I think they would not have minded this sort of funeral... Too much." Toru said.
There were no bodies to bury, and the fire would only be a symbolic thing. Karin and Sakura's bodies were inside the King of Hell, entirely out of reach without Karin.
And Naruto… had been reduced to nothing but ash, along with his mother's clan's ancestral home.
Unlike Toru, none of the three had requested anything in particular to be done, in the eventuality they died.
All of the attendees were standing on a grassy field overlooking the ocean.
Most were Umi's citizens, but there were more people from the new Kumo, including its Raikage. The Mizukage was here as well, and so was Sasuke.
Sakura's parents were inconsolable.
The sun shone bright, until evening settled onto the land slowly.
One woman walked past the people.
She did not wipe the tears from her eyes.
"Goodbye, Naruto. Karin. Sakura."
Anko called a flame to her hand and lit the empty pyre.
The Umi Four stood on the cliff overlooking the ocean.
The night sky stretched out above them.
Anko looked at the three others.
"Will you still go on being a shinobi… fighting if it comes to that?" She asked. "If you don't, I understand entirely."
Toru stayed silent. Did he really want to…?
No. Not particularly. Fighting for fun... he enjoyed. The murders… less so.
There was only one answer.
"…If it comes to it, I will fight." Toru said. "I will train. So that in case… But if you need to send me out to murder people… I'm sorry. I don't think I can do it anymore."
To his surprise, Anko just nodded.
"I won't, then. I won't ask for anything you're not willing to give."
"Thank you." He said, voice a bit thick.
"I will go on, too." Ino muttered, looking as though it was inconsequential.
"Take some time off first." Anko shook her head.
"I—"
"Leader's order." She said, with a small smile.
"…Alright, then."
Anko looked at Hanabi.
"Yes." She just nodded simply. "I will fight."
"Thank you all." Anko nodded. "I will do my best to avoid it if possible. But… thank you. This feels like asking too much out of you entirely."
Anko paused.
"Now… There's something else."
Toru raised an eyebrow at her change in expression.
"How is… your chakra capacity, Toru?" She finally asked.
He blinked. Strange fucking question.
"Good, I would say. Better than Shisui and Itachi at least. Back then. Although I don't know about now. Why…?"
Ino and Hanabi shared a look.
"It would be more convenient, since well…" Hanabi began, pointing at his eyepatch. Ino just nodded, her mind elsewhere.
"Uchiha or Uzumaki would work best, apparently." Anko confirmed.
"…What are you guys even talking about…?" Toru asked suspiciously.
Uchiha Toru stood perched on top of Orochimaru's spire, staring past the dark gray skies.
There he stood, watching the dark clouds roll by, listening to the ever-churning sea.
The wind picked up, and soon it was raining heavily.
He was Uchiha, and Fire, sure…
But this wasn't too bad either.
In his left eye, he now held the Mangekyō.
In his right eye, hidden away from the world by a seal-enhanced eyepatch, the limitless power of the Rinnegan burned bright.
Toru didn't care for either that much.