Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 8
RATED TV-14
This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.
Punch-Out!
(Recap)
Chris: Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, the island was bathed in a blue harvest moon that turns normally sweet creatures into pure evil! Completely unsafe to be out after dark with that around! But I thought it would make a fun night challenge. As they raced, Heather pretended to be affected by the moon, which made even Alejandro give into her scheme! Nicely played Heather. Nicely played. Our good friend Mike came back under the effects of the moon, but went back to Mal when everything went back to normal. Yeah, that guy is much of a mystery. In the end, the Villains won again, digging themselves out of their slump. And it was the large and lovable eating machine Owen that was shown the door. Probably gonna be a library here without him. But, anything's possible! Will the Villains keep their winning streak going? Or will the Heroes retaliate before they end up in a grave of their own? Find out right now on TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(Theme song)
Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun
Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
'Cause I wanna be famous!
Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
(Whistling)
(It is morning on the island. In the spa hotel, Courtney could only think about Gwen. She sighs with worry)
Courtney: (confessional) I did what I needed to do to end the scandal so that Gwen will not have to live in fear anymore. I just want to tell her how I feel face to face!
(Meanwhile, in the loser cabin, Gwen wakes up. She yawns and stretches. Then, she notices something behind her pillow. It's the letter from Courtney. She reads it)
Gwen: (reads) Dear Gwen, I have a lot on my mind that's been bothering me, and I just can't keep my thoughts hidden inside any longer. Let's meet up so we can talk it over. Sincerely, Courtney.
Lindsay: Awww! That's so nice of Courtney!
Sky: Guess she has a heart after all, huh?
Gwen: I guess.
Zoey: Maybe she wants to make nice after everything that took place in season 3?
Gwen: How do you know that?
Zoey: I watched season 3.
Gwen: Oh yeah.
Jasmine: Just be careful mate. It could be a trick.
Gwen: Maybe. But I don't know for sure. Because I've had a lot on my mind as well between Courtney and I. (Confessional) What could this mean? Does Courtney genuinely want to be friends again? Or is it a trick? I don't know. But I just gotta talk to her!
(In the spa hotel, the Villains are having breakfast. Alejandro is in a bad mood)
Heather: (snarky) What's with you?
Alejandro: (annoyed) Hmph.
Scarlett: Are you alright? Your expression suggests some manner of mental distress.
Courtney: Yeah, and you kinda make a funny pouty face there, Al.
Alejandro: (annoyed) I would prefer if you do not call me that. (confessional/annoyed) On one hand I am delighted that the incompetent butter donkey Owen is out of my hair. On the other hand, last night I dreamt about my older, smarter, better looking brother José. He always calls me Al! And I HATE IT! More than mutant fire beetles and conditioners that don't detangle!
Scott: What's wrong with the name Al? I have a sister named Al! Short for Albertha. She's the county hog caller where I'm from. SU-WEE! SU-WEE! (suddenly, a pig breaks in and piles on top of him) Ow!
Duncan: (snarky) I can see that. (chuckles)
Lightning: Mmm! Walking protein!
Scarlett: Uh, Lightning? That pig is alive.
(Courtney is worriedly picking at her plate. She can only think about Gwen)
Chris: (loudspeaker) Good morning everyone! Today's challenge takes place at the Chrisiseum. Meet me there in 20 minutes, and be prepared to bring the pain!
Lightning: Awww yeah! Lightning bringing the pain! SHA-BAM! (He takes off like the wind out of the room, but then stops) Oops! One more bite! (he tips his plate and shovels all his food into his mouth and he burps) There we go! Lightning's tank is full! Sha-here comes the Lightning!
Heather: (confessional/chuckles) Oh yeah. Lightning is the perfect candidate to lure into an alliance. Only it'll be his one way ticket to the dock of shame! Sucker!
(As the teams are heading towards the Chrisiseum, Zoey gathers her allies Cameron and Duncan so they can talk)
Zoey: Okay men, I figured since Mal is in exile, this is the perfect time to carry out our plan to bring Mike back.
Duncan: Agreed. There's no denying that Mike still exists. Last night he didn't know where he was or why he was following us. By us, I mean my team.
Cameron: Precisely. My glasses got broken and so did Sierra's smartphone. (he shows them his broken glasses)
Zoey: Here Cam, try a twist tie. (Cameron uses the twist tie and it fixes his glasses)
Cameron: Cool! Thanks Zoey!
Zoey: You're welcome! Okay, back to the plan.
Duncan: Right. Now, when I first laid eyes on him on the first day, he looked familiar. Then when Chris said his name, it all came back to me. Especially when I heard him whistle.
Zoey: Yeah, and you said he actually enjoyed being in juvie?
Duncan: He sure did! He was a sly dog!
Cameron: That is extremely out of character for a nice guy like Mike.
Duncan: And in character for Mal.
Zoey: Yeah.
Duncan: Now remember, we can try to bring Mike back, but chances are we won't succeed.
Cameron: He does have a point. It is an interior battle within Mike himself.
Zoey: True. At least when push comes to shove, it'll be 4 on 1.
Duncan: And I presume Mike is person number 4?
Zoey: That's right. I'm so glad you guys are here to help me.
Duncan: I don't help people. Okay? Too embarrassing.
Zoey: Aww, it's nothing to be ashamed of! Helping people makes you feel good!
Duncan: Not to me. I don't want people thinking I'm a pushover. I'm no pushover.
Zoey: (teasing) Aww, don't be silly! You're a teddy bear!
Duncan: Shut up!
Zoey: (teasing) Aww, grumpy, grumpy, grumpy! (giggles) Does someone need a hug?
Duncan: (angry/cracks his knuckles) Touch me and you're dead.
(Zoey wraps her arms around him and gave him a big hug! Duncan tries to pry himself free, but he can't!)
Zoey: (hugging him/teasing) Yeah, you need a hug.
Duncan: Hey! What are you doing? Get your hands off me! (Zoey lets go)
Zoey: Sorry, got a little carried away. (she giggles and Duncan glares at her)
Duncan: (confessional) I hope none of my teammates saw that!
Zoey: (confessional) Normally, I would avoid thugs like Duncan at all costs. But Duncan is such a softie! He's thoughtful and considerate! And he's so sweet!
(Meanwhile on Boney Island, Chef is looking for Mal)
Chef: (calls out) Mike! Time to head back! (he gets trampled by the animals! Mal appears in front of him)
Mal: (chuckles evilly) Hey Chef. (Chef has a look of fear in his eye)
(In Mike's subconscious, Mike is all alone)
Mike: Hello? Hello? Anyone? (Then, Mal appears in front of him! Mike gasps!) Mal!
Mal: (snickers evilly) That's my name. Don't wear it out.
Mike: How could you come back after all these years? I got rid of you! After I got out of juvie!
Mal: Incompetent Mike. I was laying low, conserving my energy, waiting for my chance to strike. And I succeeded. Now I'M in charge.
Mike: You can't do this! Those are innocent lives you're playing like pawns! I won't let you!
Mal: Do not attempt to defy me. This is MY parade now. (he laughs evilly as he disappears)
Mike: No! Wait! Come back! I'm not finished with you! DAMN!
(Everyone is inside the Chrisiseum, where a boxing ring is set up)
Chris: Welcome to the Camp Wawanakwa Colosseum!
Scott: Is that a wrestling ring?
Chris: Not quite Scott. Today is all about the sport of boxing!
Cameron: (scared) Boxing? (In the confessional, he is writing his will) This is the last will of I, Cameron Corduroy Wilkins. (he keeps writing)
Lightning: Sha-yeah! Time for the Lightning to strike!
Sky: (teases) You might be the Lightning, but you're forgetting that after lightning comes thunder! And I'm the thunder! BOOM!
Lightning: (angry) Sha-WHAT? Nuh-uh! Lightning ain't losing to no thunder! SHA-BAM!
Sky: (teases) You really need a reality check, buddy! Lightning is all light! No sound! DOUBLE BOOM! (Sky laughs and Lightning growls angrily)
(Chef returns with Mal, and he is covered in bruises and scratches, and has a black eye)
Chris: Whoa, what happened to you Chef? Had a run in with the wildlife on Boney Island?
Chef: (referring to Mal) That kid is (censored) up!
(as Mal joins the others, he sneers evilly at Zoey. Zoey glares at him)
Chris: Anywho, today's challenge is a hybrid of 2 challenges from season 1. The No pain no gain challenge and phobia factor.
Courtney: Don't even think about it.
Chris: The rules are simple. Spin the wheel and you have to go in a one-on-one boxing match with whatever the wheel lands on. Win the match, and you get a point for your team. First team to win 5 matches is the champ.
Lindsay: Boxing? We have to pack boxes?
Gwen: (groans dreadfully) No Lindsay. Boxing is a sport. You wear padded gloves on your hands and you punch your opponent over and over until he's out cold.
(Lindsay is still confused)
Courtney: Marshmallow boxing from season 2 ring a bell?
Lindsay: Ohhhhhhhh!
Gwen: Uh...yeah, that.
Chris: If I may continue...the losers will have to vote someone off tonight. Since the Villains won the last challenge, they go first. Any volunteers?
Scott: I'll go first. (he spins the wheel. It lands on a shark)
Chris: Say hello to your nemesis, Fang!
Scott: Huh? Oh no! No! No no no no! (Fang grins hungrily at Scott like he's prey!)
Courtney: Scott? Hello? Are you okay?
Scott: No I'm not okay! That thing will eat me! (Courtney looks at Fang in horror)
Courtney: Sheesh...now I can see why we all evolved AWAY from being fish.
Duncan: Tell me about it! Besides, fish are the only creatures who travel to the next life through BATHROOM PLUMBING. (everyone laughs, and Fang growls at Duncan! Scott is still scared to fight the shark)
Chris: Okay, enough chitter chatter! Chef, glove him! (Chef gloves Scott and tosses him into the ring. Chris mimics Michael Buffer) Now, LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE! (The bell rings and BAM! Fang KO's Scott with one hit! Scott is seeing stars)
Courtney: Oh my gosh! Are you okay Scott?
Scott: (dazed) I likes you pretty lady! (chuckles)
Courtney: Scott, look at me! (holds up 2 fingers) How many fingers do you see?
Scott: (dazed) 6?
Courtney: Ehh...close enough.
Chris: And Fang wins! No score so far!
Courtney: (to Fang as she is carrying Scott away) Just you wait, you walking sushi platter! You'll get yours! (Fang rolls his eyes)
Gwen: Here, need a hand? (she helps Courtney carry Scott)
Courtney: Sure. Thanks. (they smile at each other)
Gwen: (confessional) It was pretty nice to see Courtney treat me with respect. Maybe she did mean everything she wrote in that letter. Ooooh, I hope so! We just have to talk! We have to!
Courtney: (confessional) I don't know how much longer I can go without telling Gwen everything! I know she got my letter. I just know it.
Gwen: (to Fang while carrying Scott) Remember, fishing is considered a sport!
Courtney: Yep! Ahhh, one fish, so many sushi restaurants. (she and Gwen giggle, Fang growls) Hey, where did I leave that tartar sauce? (she and Gwen laugh and Fang growls)
Gwen: (to Scott) Blechhh! Have you ever washed your feet?
Scott: (dazed) You cannin' the toe jam already, Cletus?
Courtney: Just relax, okay Scott? You're going to be okay.
Chris: Hero time! Zoey!
Zoey: (determined) Let's do it! (she spins the wheel and it lands on Mal! Zoey gasps) Mal?
Mal: (evilly) Oh, (censored) just got real.
Zoey: (confessional) Playtime is over! Time to step it up! For Mike!
Mal: (confessional) Silly ginger! She can never defeat me! (snickers evilly)
(Mal and Zoey are gloved and in the ring, staring each other down)
Zoey: Hey Mal! I don't know what you've done to my boyfriend, but this fight is for him!
Mike: (in his subconscious) Zoey! You're right! Mal is keeping me prisoner in my own subconscious! Help!
Mal: (evilly) Oh Zoey. Don't you get it yet? There's no longer a choice. Mike is GONE. FOR GOOD. (At first, Zoey is shocked, but then she regains her courage)
Zoey: No! You're wrong! He came back last night!
Mal: (groans) Maybe I should show you the evidence. (he pulls out his wallet to show her his photo ID. The picture is of Mal and not Mike! Zoey is more shocked than ever!) So, are you ready to admit your own foolishness?
(This makes Zoey angry! She swallows every ounce of fear and anxiety she ever had! She roars loudly as she rips part of her shirt off and ties it around her head, making a bandana! She applies war paint on her cheeks and she becomes Commando Zoey! The bell rings and Zoey lunges at Mal with all her strength! She throws hard punches at his face! She finally delivers one final knockout punch to his gut! Mal is down!)
Zoey: (angry) Sorry jerk. But I win. Flawless victory. Fatality.
(Everyone is shocked and speechless! Even Chris!)
Chris: Oh...my...goodness! Zoey got right villainous on that one! But, a point's a point. It's 1-0 Heroes.
Duncan: Now that's what I'm talking about!
Jasmine: Wow, nice one Zoey!
Zoey: (angry) Hmph.
Cameron: (confessional) Uh oh...I've seen this before...
Zoey: (confessional/angry) And I was just warming up that time.
Chris: Okay Villains, your turn again.
Alejandro: I'll earn a us a point.
Heather: How will you fight? You can't even stand on your feet!
Alejandro: (smug) Oh, I'm muy contento to hear you say that.
Heather: (confused) Huh? (just like that, Alejandro hand springs in the air and lands on his feet! He is now standing fully erect! Everyone gasps! Even Heather!)
Alejandro: (smug/faking) Look at that! It's a miracle!
Heather: (confessional) I was right before! It WAS a trick! That rat! UGHHHH!
Alejandro: (confessional) Now who's more clever?
Geoff: (confessional) How could his legs recover that fast?
Chris: Wow! How did Al do that? Oh well. Give it a spin. (Alejandro spins the wheel)
Duncan: (to Courtney) I bet it's Heather. (Courtney giggles)
Heather: (angry) Uh, I'm right here!
(Alejandro is worried)
Alejandro: (confessional) There's one individual I'd rather fight less than Heather. And that would be...(the wheel stops, and Alejandro gasps in disbelief!) No! It can't be! (Another hispanic man appears in the ring! It's José, Alejandro's brother! Everyone gasps!)
Alejandro: (angry) José!
Lindsay: Huh? 2 Jalapeños?
Geoff: (confessional) Aww, righteous! Seeing Al get obliterated by his brother will be gnar-gnar, man! WOO HOO!
Heather: (confessional) Oh, this is too rich! In World Tour, I referred to the name José and Alejandro was offended! Now I can see why! This I got to see! (chuckles evilly)
Chris: Uh oh! Will Al have a touching or brutal family reunion with his big bro? Find out when we return on TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS! Alejandro: (angry) Enough with the Al already!
Chris: But everyone calls you that! (Alejandro growls)
(commercial break)
(Alejandro and José are gloved and in the ring)
José: (smug) Buenos días Al. Or should I say, buenos noches!
Alejandro: (angry) Cut the crap José! I have had it up to here with you! (confessional) I knew my dream was a sign! My whole life José has been better than me at everything! Academics, athletics, aesthetics, and yes, even personal grooming! But now it's time for a new champion!
José: (smug) Say, you look tired and in need of exfoliation.
Alejandro: (angry) You'll be the one taking a nap after I finish with you, mi hermano!
José: (smug) Come tuck me in, then!
Chris: Okay, that's enough! Less talk, more punch! (the bell rings and the brothers throw punches at each other, only aiming for the torso!)
Duncan: Why are they only going with body hits?
Alejandro: (confessional) It's the family code. Not the face.
José: (confessional) Never the face.
(Alejandro and José are still throwing punches at each other)
José: (smug) Your technique is as embarrassing as the way your girlfriend with the unattractive personality burned you on National television! (this makes Alejandro angry!)
Heather: Hey! (confessional) He dares to call me unattractive? (groans dreadfully) It's gonna be a long life if he becomes my brother in-law.
(José laughs at his younger brother)
Alejandro: (angry) Oh, that is the LAST STRAW! (he punches José HARD) That's for calling me Al! (punches him again) That's for hogging the bathroom mirror! (punches him again) That's for replacing my soap with a urinal cake! (he winds up his fist) And THIS is for calling ANY aspect of Heather unattractive! (BAM! He punches José a fourth time! So hard it knocks him out cold!)
Chris: (amazed) Ho-ly cow! The Villains get a point! Now we all know how Alejandro feels about Heather.
Heather: (confessional) It's nice that he stood up to his brother and for me. (innocently) Uh, not that I care! Because, ew! Barf! At least now I know that he has a huge inferiority complex! (she laughs, but she can't help but be happy for Alejandro)
Geoff: I bet you still wish Bridge was here so you could lure her to a pole, Al!
Alejandro: For the last time amigo, do NOT call me Al! Unless you desire to end up like my hermano there, faceplanted and covered in bruises.
Geoff: Hmph! And I'm not your amigo! After what you did to her!
Chris: And the series is tied at 1-1! Next Hero up!
Brick: (salutes) Permission to take a turn for my team sir!
Chris: Granted, soldier!
(Brick spins the wheel and it lands on Jo)
Brick: What? Jo? Why?
(Jo appears in the ring)
Jo: (smug) Oh, I am sooooo gonna enjoy this!
Sky: Not unless Brick beats the crap out of you first! Go get 'em Brick!
Brick: I will not let you down, team! (Sky smiles bashfully as Brick is gloved and steps in the ring with Jo)
Jo: (smug) Hey soggy McGee! I gotta ask you.
Brick: (angry) What?
Jo: (smug) Are your nuts truly numb? (she laughs hard and Brick gets madder than ever!)
Brick: (angry) Oh, that does it! You have humiliated me for the LAST TIME! (the bell rings and he unleashes all his fury onto Jo! They throw strong punches at one another and everyone watches in shock, except Sky. She smiles for her teammate)
Shawn: I think there's something fishy about everyone getting personal opponents the way they've been.
Cameron: Yeah! Astronomical odds I'd say!
Courtney: Well, I don't know...Chris did say a touch of the phobia factor challenge would be put into play.
Duncan: Point taken.
Cameron: But think about it. Zoey fights Mal, Scott fights Fang, Alejandro fights his brother, Brick fights Jo, the odds are too astronomical for this to be random!
Chris: I never said matchups were random.
Cameron: Oh. Uh, never mind then? (confessional) I still think there's something wrong with this challenge. Not that I can't box, but because the matches are too personal for everyone. I guarantee when it's my turn, it'll be what I'm afraid of. Just watch.
(Brick and Jo are still throwing punches left and right, dodging and giving it all they got!)
Jo: (smug) Squirm all you want, but you're going to get your medicine!
Brick: (angry) You should know not to get on a cadet's bad side!
Jo: (smug) I do know. And it's just too much fun, I can't help it! (they keep punching) Okay, I'm getting bored. Which tells me that you suck.
(Brick roars loudly and BAM! He KO's Jo with a knockout punch! Sky is amazed)
Sky: (confessional/dreamily) That was amazing. I'm so proud.
Chris: Holy mackerel! 3 intense action packed matches in a row! I bet this episode will be HUGE on the web! Brick wins, and it is now 2-1 Heroes!
Brick: (to Jo) You can never lay a finger on me again! Get out of my sight!
(the Heroes cheer for Brick)
Brick: (salutes) Enemy eradicated.
Sky: Brick! You're awesome! (she hugs him)
Chris: Your turn, Villains!
Heather: I'm going next! It's about time you losers see how it's supposed to be done!
Alejandro: (sarcastic) Here comes the B team.
Heather: (angry) Alejandro, you best consider to whom you speak!
Alejandro: (flirts) Sí, I do indeed. The most bonita angry woman I ever met.
(Heather growls viciously as she spins the wheel. It lands on a sumo wrestler! It nearly makes her lose her lunch!)
Heather: A SUMO WRESTLER? NO! PLEASE NO!
(Alejandro grins evilly as he watches Heather's reaction)
Alejandro: (confessional) At last! I know Heather's ultimate weakness!
Scarlett: (smug) Well, why wait? Show us just what a real malevolent villain can do!
(Heather tries to swallow her fear but she's too scared!)
Heather: (confessional) It was my phobia from season 1. After reviewing the footage, I made the fatso trip. But that didn't change a damn thing! They freak me out, okay?
(Heather is in the ring with a sumo wrestler! She is trembling with fear!)
Mal: You call yourself a villain? How embarrassing!
Lightning: Girl, what are you waiting for? Knock 'em dead!
(The bell rings and the sumo wrestler chases Heather around the ring!)
Heather: Get away from me, filthy hippo!
Gwen: (confessional) Ahhh, karma. A dish best served with fava beans and a nice chianti. (laughs)
(after a few minutes of running, the sumo wrestler is tired! Heather seizes her chance and KO's him with a barrage of punches!)
Heather: They don't make goons like they used to!
Chris: Okay, I didn't see that coming, especially from Heather, but it counts! Heather evens the series at 2!
Heather: Oh, bite me.
Chris: Okay, Hero time! Who's next?
Lindsay: (raises her hand excitedly) Oh! Oh! Me! Me next! Please!
Chris: Whatever. Spin.
Lindsay: How do you spin again?
Chris: Ugh. Like this. (he spins the wheel for her)
Lindsay: Ohhhhhhh!
(the wheel lands on hair clippers, and Chef is in the ring wearing a Jason Voorhees hockey mask and wielding a chainsaw!)
Lindsay: (gasps) AAAAHHHHHHHHHH! I'M NOT READY FOR A HAIRCUT! (Heather grins evilly)
Heather: (smug) Oh, how the tables have turned! It was YOUR fault I lost my hair in season 1! Now let's see how YOU like it!
(the bell rings, and Lindsay takes off running! Chef chases after her!)
Lindsay: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
Sky: Just punch him till he can't fight anymore! You can do it!
Shawn: Don't let the zombie eat you!
Chef: I ain't no zombie!
Jasmine: Don't run! Fight!
Zoey: (angry) Great. Just great.
(Lindsay runs out of the coliseum and out of bounds! Chef chases her!)
Chris: What the...? That wasn't supposed to...oh well. Disqualified! It's still tied at 2 a piece! Villains, you're up!
Scarlett: I shall go next.
Heather: Not like you'll make a difference. You're a bookworm. Not a fighter.
Scarlett: You underestimate my combat prowess. (she spins the wheel and it lands on a bear. A bear appears in the ring. Scarlett is gloved and steps in the ring with the bear. The bell rings and Scarlett waves her arms around and makes growling sounds to scare the bear)
Scarlett: (confessional) Grizzly bears normally don't want anything to do with humans. And since they're ambush predators like the big cats, they will give chase by instinct. But by appearing large and making noise, will make them feel threatened. So, show them you're superior and you'll earn their respect.
(as the bear starts to feel threatened, Scarlett punches away at the bear until it is KO'd)
Scarlett: (to Heather/smug) Brain over brawn. (winks)
Chris: Nicely done Scarlett! It is now 3-2 Villains! Who's next in the ring?
Shawn: I'll go next. If I can survive the apocalypse, punching my opponent into the ground with padded gloves will be a cakewalk. (he spins the wheel and it lands on a zombie! Chef appears in the ring in a zombie costume! Shawn turns white as a sheet as he is gloved and tossed into the ring!)
Chef: Boo.
Shawn: AAAHHHHHHHHH!
Jasmine: You can do it Shawn!
(the bell rings and Chef growls like a zombie)
Shawn: Z-z-z-ZOMBIES! (he lunges at Chef and unleashes a ballistic barrage of punches onto him! Until Chef is KO'd and covered in scrapes and bruises! Shawn pants heavily as he wins and the Heroes cheer)
Chris: Awesome moves, zombie boy! It's now tied 3 all!
Jasmine: (sighs dreamily) That's my Shawn.
(he and Jasmine kiss)
Chris: Next, big bad thug Duncan!
Duncan: Aw yeah! Let the ass-kicking begin!
Chris: You sure you don't wanna sacrifice the point and call it off?
Duncan: Call off the fists of 5? Over my dead body!
Chris: But you might hurt someone...just saying.
Duncan: Oh yeah? The last guy who dared give me any trouble ended up in the hospital. Just saying! (he spins the wheel and it lands on a mutant beaver)
Chris: No, that's not a woolly beaver from Boney Island, that's the mutant beaver from the mad skills obstacle course. Yeah, that.
(Duncan gets in the ring with the beaver)
Duncan: Is there any more?
Chris: Nah, just one.
Duncan: Fine by me. (confessional) It's about time I get to live up to my reputation by kicking ass in the ring! Back home, they call me snake hands! (he makes hissing sounds)
Duncan: Meh, he's not so tough.
Gwen: Yeah! You tell him Duncan!
Chris: Ooooohhhhhhh! Someone's rumble ready!
Duncan: Damn right I am! (he laughs smugly as the bell rings. He and the beaver both land hard blows to each other! They punch and punch until Duncan puts the beaver in a headlock and punches away at its head! The beaver is KO'd!)
Chris: Wow! Guess he really is the bad boy we know and love! Heh heh heh! It's 4-3 Villains! 1 more match and they're the heavyweight champions of the world!
Duncan: Big deal! He was a pushover! (to Gwen) That was for you babe.
(Gwen smiles bashfully. Zoey smiles too)
Chris: Up next, the great doubter himself!
Cameron: You mean me? (nervous) Sure...why not? (he spins the wheel and it lands on a spider! Cameron gets scared)
Brick: I thought you weren't afraid of spiders anymore.
Cameron: That's not a spider!
(The giant mutant spider appears in the ring! Only it is revealed to be Izzy!)
Izzy: Hi! Remember me? (laughs)
Cameron: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (confessional) I can't fight Izzy! I can't! I'm too soft! And brittle! And terrified!
Lindsay: Okay, I'm so confused! I thought Izzy was a bear before, now she's a spider?
Izzy: Yeah! It's so fun!
Gwen: Izzy dressed as a spider after being dressed as a bear? Now I've seen everything.
(Cameron gets gloved and put into the ring with Izzy. He is trembling with fear as the bell rings)
Izzy: Boo! (laughs)
Cameron: I SURRENDER! (he crouches into the fetal position) Goodbye, cruel world!
Izzy: Huh? I'm not gonna hurt ya! Explosivo will! (she laughs and she tramples on top of Cameron, jumping on him! Cameron is helpless!)
Cameron: (confessional/bruised) Never...again.
Chris: (awkwardly) Uh...and with that...it's still 4-3 Villains! Who's next?
Lightning: Sha-Lightning! (he spins the wheel. It lands on Sky!) Sha-what? Sky again? (Sky laughs smugly)
Sky: (confessional) Me against Lightning again? Ha! He just doesn't know when to quit, does he?
Lightning: (confessional) That tiny girl kept beating me in the challenges! But this time, Lightning will have the last laugh!
Sky: (from outside the confessional) Don't count on it!
Lightning: Shut up!
(Sky and Lightning are gloved and in the ring. They stare each other down)
Sky: (teasing) Ready to go 0-3 against me, big boy?
Lightning: (angry) It is time for the Lightning to strike! Sha-BAM! (he punches the ground HARD with his glove and pounds his chest like a gorilla!)
Sky: (smug) Whatever you say. (the bell rings and they start punching! Lightning tries to punch Sky, but she dodges his punches! She's too fast!)
Lightning: I'm bigger than you!
Sky: (teasing) Oh yeah? I'm faster! And smarter! (she dodges by doing cartwheels! She rolls between his legs and uppercuts him from behind! Lightning flips in the air and lands on his feet! Sky is actually amazed!)
Lightning: (smug) That all you got?
Sky: Whoa...not bad! (he throws another punch and Sky ducks) Yeah, nice shots buddy! Next time, try AIMING! (laughs)
Lightning: I'm just warming up! Next time, I'll miss you a little closer!
(Chris is on the edge of his seat eating popcorn! Chef is too!)
Chris: I love watching Sky and Lightning try to outperform each other, don't you?
(Lightning finally lands punches to Sky's face and mid-section)
Lightning: (smug) Ha! Sha-sucker! You should take up a slower sport, like full contact...duck hunting...or...something, with the duck.
Sky: (confused) Huh? That doesn't even make sense.
Lightning: Yeah? Well...Lightning's gonna kick your ass! (he uppercuts Sky and she too flips in the air and lands on her feet too! Lightning can't believe it!)
Lightning: (confessional) How did she do that?
Sky: (confessional) Thank you Olympic training!
(Finally, Sky tackles Lightning and blows hard punches onto his face! The bell rings and Sky wins again!)
Chris: Wow! That was awesome! Sky wins! It's tied at 4 all! Next victor wins the challenge!
Sky: (to Lightning/teasing) That was fun! We should train together sometime!
Lightning: (dazed) Lightning's going to the Super Bowl! Sha-bam! (he faints and Sky laughs)
Sky: (confessional) Lightning might not be the brightest bulb in the box, but he brings out the beast in me. And I'll admit, he is kinda funny sometimes. Sha-bam! (laughs)
Brick: (salutes) Well done, teammate! (Sky salutes back and she blushes heavily)
Chris: Next hero ready! Jasmine!
Jasmine: I can wrestle with saltwater crocodiles and spar with kangaroos back home. So this is custom made for me! (she spins the wheel and it lands on a kangaroo!)
Chris: Yep, a challenge custom made in the Australian Billabong!
Jasmine: A kangaroo? No problem! (confessional) In Australia, boxing comes naturally to kangaroos. They like to punch and kick when they're trying to dominate and when males are competing for a female.
(Jasmine steps into the ring with the kangaroo. The bell rings and they punch away. Then, the kangaroo punches her face and BAM! It kicks her against the ropes! Her teammates gasp!)
Shawn: You can do it Jasmine! You can beat that steroided up marsupial!
Sky: Kick his ass!
Lindsay: I thought kangaroos would just go hippity hoppity!
Gwen: Uh, not quite Lindsay.
Shawn: Yeah, kangaroos are very aggressive.
Geoff: I heard they'll kick your lights out!
Lindsay: My lights are a lot better on!
(Jasmine and the kangaroo keep punching, but the kangaroo kicks her again and knocks her down! The kangaroo jumps on top of her repeatedly!)
Jasmine: Ow! Enough already! Ow! Get off! Ow! (the bell rings)
Chris: Sorry Jasmine, no point for you. But outstanding effort! It's still tied at 4 a piece! Who's going next?
Gwen: What the heck. Let's get it over with. (she spins the wheel and it lands on Courtney!) Courtney? No!
Courtney: (nervous) What? No! Please tell me that's a joke!
Chris: Oh sh-(censored)! I've been looking forward to this one for a long time! I think a dramatic climactic moment in your scandal is in order, eh?
Courtney: (confessional) Me? Fight Gwen? No! I can't! I just...I can't!
Gwen: (confessional) Absolutely not! I won't do it!
(the girls are in the ring and gloved. The bell rings)
Gwen: Nope. Not gonna do it.
Courtney: Me neither. Sorry Chris.
Chris: (brings in a monitor) Girls, I didn't want to have to do this, but since you both refuse to fight, you leave me no choice. (on the monitor, he plays footage of Duncan and Gwen making out! Courtney tries not to watch, but she can't take her eyes off the screen! Suddenly, she starts getting annoyed, then angry, and then furious!) Yeah, the producers found it on Sierra's Gwuncan blog. (Courtney is red in the face and very angry! She is growling)
Gwen: Oh no! Courtney! Please calm down? Please? What about that letter you gave me this morning? Can't we talk about this?
Courtney: (growls viciously) I guess I'm not as over it as I thought! Sorry Gwen, this is going to hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you! (she throws a mighty punch at Gwen's face!) THAT IS FOR STEALING MY BOYFRIEND! (Gwen throws a punch back!)
Gwen: (angry) THAT IS FOR SPREADING LIES ABOUT ME AND TURNING ME INTO THE NEW HEATHER!
Heather: Hey!
(the girls punch and punch over and over until they're battered and out of stamina)
Chris: Okay, that's enough. End the match. (the bell rings again)
Gwen and Courtney: (in unison) WE'RE NOT DONE YET! (they throw weak punches at each other since they're tired)
Gwen: I came back to repair the bridges with you!
Courtney: Me too! Gwen, I'm really sorry for the way I acted. In TDA and World Tour. I was a bad girlfriend to Duncan and that's why he took the cowardly way out by running off to you. I was so lost in my emotions that I didn't know what to do.
Gwen: Really?
Courtney: Yes. After seeing all the stress and pressure I bestowed upon you, I felt terrible. I was afraid that you would be too afraid to ever speak to me again.
Gwen: (comforting) Aww, it's cool Courtney. I forgive you. And I'm sorry too. I was a bad friend. When Duncan kissed me in the confessional, I should have told you about it right away. I felt awful seeing you grieve. I wanted to talk to you about it, but I was worried if you would be too angry to listen.
Courtney: (comforting) Oh Gwen, it's okay. I forgive you too. You know? I'm so relieved we were both thinking the same thing.
Gwen: Yeah. I just couldn't take any more pressure. I missed you Courtney.
Courtney: I missed you too Gwen.
Gwen: (smiles) I noticed you were making nice with Duncan, where do you guys stand now?
Courtney: (smiles) I talked to Duncan about everything, and he and I are on good terms now. We broke up the proper way. And you know what that means?
Gwen: What?
Courtney: I am in full support of your relationship with him. Every step of the way.
Gwen: (gasps happily/emotional) You mean...?
Courtney: (emotional) Yes Gwen. You're my friend. And friends stick together until the end.
(Gwen and Courtney smile at each other as tears fill their eyes. They hug each other tightly and cry tears of joy!)
Gwen: (confessional/emotional) I'm so glad the tirade is finally over! Courtney and I are friends again!
Courtney: (confessional/emotional) I don't think I've ever been this happy before! I got my old friend back!
(Gwen and Courtney keep hugging and crying happily. Everyone else gets emotional too, even Chris)
Chris: (sheds a tear) That...is SO BEAUTIFUL! (cries) Turn that damn camera off! I'm not crying! Someone's chopping up onions in here!
Chef: (chopping onions) Oh sorry. I was making onion rings.
Chris: (sheds tears) Okay, I'm good now. Courtney, Gwen, your match is a draw. Which means it's 5-5. We're going to the sudden death round! (everyone gasps!) Here's how it's going to work. One member from each team has to go 2 minutes in the ring together. One from the Heroes, and one from the Villains. Whoever wins the match wins invincibility for their team. Cool?
Lightning: Lightning's gonna do it! Sha-victory!
Brick: (salutes) Permission to fight for our team!
Heroes: (all saluting) Granted!
Chris: Lightning vs. Brick! Crackerjack choices teams! (the 2 men step into the ring and are gloved) Ready? Fight! (the bell rings and the men deliver brutal punches to each other! The men are very strong and agile!)
Lightning: Sha-please! Lightning trains harder than this on his rest day!
Brick: While I admit you'd outperform the platoon at the obstacle course at boot camp, but you will not defeat me!
(Lightning punches Brick hard against the ropes and he ricochets towards him! Lightning winds up his fist)
Lightning: Sha...BAAAAAMMMM! (KA-POW! He KO's Brick with a devastating punch to the gut!)
(Brick is down and out)
Chris: Down for the count! The Villains win! Again! (The Villains cheer and the Heroes groan. Sky rushes to Brick's aid)
Sky: Brick! Are you alright?
Brick: (sits up/dizzy) I'm sorry drill sergeant! I let the platoon down!
(Sky hugs Brick tightly)
Sky: Aww, you didn't let me down. You were great.
(that night, the Villains are seated in the peanut gallery and the Heroes are seated by the bonfire. Gwen and Courtney look at each other from their seats and smile)
Chris: What an adrenaline-packed day, eh campers? Heh heh heh!
Lightning: Yeah baby!
Chris: Anywho, time to vote Heroes. (the Heroes cast their votes in the confessional)
Chris: Okay, when I call your name, you live to play another day. No marshmallow, and you're out. Walk the dock of shame, and ride the loser boat home. The following Heroes are safe. Gwen. Sky. Shawn. Geoff. Jasmine. Zoey. (Brick, Lindsay and Cameron are left) 3 players left, but only 2 marshmallows. Brick, you had a chance to win it for your team but you choked. Cameron, you didn't even try in your match with Izzy. And Lindsay, you also didn't even try. The next marshmallow goes to... (they wait anxiously) Brick.
Sky: Phew.
Brick: (salutes) Thank you sir!
Chris: At ease, soldier. Cameron, Lindsay, down to you two. The final marshmallow goes to...(they wait anxiously) Lindsay.
Lindsay: YAY!
(Zoey is a bit surprised)
Chris: Sorry Cameron.
Cameron: (stands up/sighs) Sorry I couldn't be of anymore assistance today. Boxing just isn't my sport.
Sky: It's okay Cam. You survived.
Shawn: The apocalypse, that is.
Cameron: Uh, yeah.
Chris: Okay, before Cameron leaves, it's time for a little re-shuffling. Today, one Villain acted more like a Hero. And one Hero acted more like a Villain. So, pack your bags and switch your teams! Courtney and Zoey. (everyone gasps!)
Zoey: (angry/grabs Chris by the collar) You better have a good reason as to why I'm being labeled a villain, buster.
Chris: (childishly) Okay, okay! You don't gotta get my clothes all dusty!
Courtney: I don't mind being a Hero! I get to be with my new old friend Gwen!
Gwen: Awww! (Courtney takes a seat next to Gwen and they hug. Zoey joins the Villains team, who are all staring at her)
Zoey: (angry/arms crossed) What are you looking at? (confessional) Now one of my allies is out of the game, which leaves Duncan and me against the likes of Mal. And I have only BEGUN to fight!
Mal: (confessional) Cameron being gone is like scraping gum off my shoe. A bit sticky, but so damn satisfying. (snickers evilly)
Chris: One last thing before we wrap up. Which Villain is heading to exile?
Scott: I'll go.
Chris: You must really thrive over there, eh? Off you go then.
Courtney: (to Scott) Good luck! (Chef escorts him to the island) I'll miss you.
(Cameron boards the boat of losers and sails away into the night. His teammates wave goodbye)
Cameron: (shouts to Zoey) Good luck Zoey! Zoey: (shouts back) Thank you Cam! Take care!
Chris: And so the brainy bubble boy has left. Who will be the next camper punched out into the big blue for good? Tune in next time for an all-new TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(credits)
ELIMINATION ORDER
PRE-MERGE
22nd: Sugar
21st: Max
20th: Jo
19th: Sierra
18th: Owen
17th: Cameron