Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 9
RATED TV-14
This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.
McLean Treasure Island
(Recap)
Chris: Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, a fisticuffs free-for-all between our teams proved that our All-Stars have a lot of guts, spunk and moxy! Well, most of them. Awesome choices, fans! There were dangerous rivalries and newly found friendships. Geoff's not done throwing jabs at Alejandro for what he did to Bridgette in our World Tour. We saw the side of Zoey who is all business and takes no crap from anyone, especially Mal! Heh heh heh! That's the power of loyalty right there! However, because of the return of Zoey's tough as titanium persona, it led to a big switcheroo! Now Courtney is a hero, and Zoey is a villain! In the end, the Villains ruled victorious for the 3rd time in a row, and it was bubble boy Cameron who hit the loser boat home. What surprises will be in store for our All-Stars in the most dramatic bonfire ceremony yet? Find out tonight on TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(Theme song)
Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun
Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
'Cause I wanna be famous!
Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
(Whistling)
(The next morning, the Villains are in the spa hotel. Commando Zoey isn't exactly warming up to her new teammates. She gives them a glare so mean and cold)
Heather: You know, if you keep making that expression, you'll just get premature wrinkles. (Zoey growls at her) Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you.
Alejandro: (smug) Impressive attempt at intimidation.
Zoey: (angry) It's called turning fear into courage.
Scarlett: Perhaps you're going through some mental distress which awakened this persona of yours.
Zoey: (angry) Whatever. Alejandro, we need to talk. You too, Duncan.
Alejandro: What is this about?
Zoey: (angry) It's about Mal.
Alejandro: Ah yes. The sinister one.
Duncan: Yeah, I remember him from juvie. But during that time, he was wreaking havoc there.
Alejandro: Hmm, intriguing. Tell me more.
Zoey: (angry) Well, when I first met him, I knew him as Mike. Smart, sweet, funny, and an oddball. But that's fine with me because I adore oddballs. You see, he has Dissociative Identity Disorder, or multiple personalities.
Alejandro: I see.
Duncan: Yeah, and when I was in juvie, Mike was there too. Only he was known as Mal.
Zoey: (angry) And I've been colliding head on with him to get my boyfriend back.
Alejandro: Well, do as you please, but I shall go it alone. Gracías for the information! (confessional) I'm going to find out more about Mal for myself.
Zoey: (confessional/angry) Hmph. Whatever. It's not like I need Alejandro anyway. I don't trust him either. But I have no time for games. And from now on, anyone who gets in my way is my enemy.
Duncan: (confessional) There's something off about Zoey, but if it's gonna help us with our Mal problem, I'm game. (he tries to clip his nails with his knife, but the blade falls off!) Sh-(censored)!
Mal: (confessional) Oh dear, what happened to Duncan's knife?
(flashback)
(the previous night, Mal takes Duncan's knife and loosens the blade with a rock before putting it back under Duncan's pillow unnoticed)
(End of flashback)
Mal: Tough break! (snickers evilly)
(Heather looks over at Duncan and Zoey. Then she approaches Alejandro)
Heather: (to Alejandro) Great. They bonded already. As much as it makes me sick, I think a temporary alliance is in order so we can assure our dominance. (puts her hand out) Allies?
Alejandro: Sí. (he kisses her hand, but Heather pulls away in disgust)
Heather: (disgusted) Blechhh! I didn't mean it like that! Ugh! Whatever!
Alejandro: (confessional) She trusts me. Hmph. I still have unfinished business with her after the dishonor she bestowed upon my family name. Once my gorgeous face is rid of hers, I shall reign victorious.
Heather: (confessional) What a dumbass! He thinks I trust him! That's a laugh! (laughs) He's bargaining with his chances at the million! And with his blood! (she is still worried as she still has feelings for him)
(meanwhile, Brick and Lightning are outside the cabins, weight training with heavy logs. Brick is bench pressing a heavy log and Lightning is lifting a log over his head when Sky comes over)
Sky: Good morning Brick! Lightning!
Brick: (lifting) Morning, fellow teammate!
Lightning: Tiny girl!
(Sky puts her hands behind her back and blushes heavily)
Sky: (blushing) Uh, mind if I join you? I love a good workout. (giggles bashfully)
Brick: Request granted! I got plenty of logs here we could use as weights.
Lightning: Fine, but Lightning's training for only the Lightning!
Sky: Sweet! And, whatever you say, Lightning. (she happily starts doing push-ups to get warmed up)
Lightning: (confessional) If that girl thinks she can get the best of the Lightning, she's in for it!
Sky: (confessional) I'm so happy that I get to train with Brick and Lightning! It's nice to have some buddies to train with. They're like, big shaven gorillas! And I'm a talented acrobatic monkey!
(Lightning is easily doing log curls with one arm)
Lightning: Not even breaking a sweat!
Sky: (smug) Impressive! Can you do this? (she tosses a log in the air, and she flips onto her hands and catches the log with her feet! She starts doing leg curls with the log while standing on her hands! Lightning and Brick are amazed)
Brick: Wow, that's amazing! (Sky blushes) How did you do that?
Sky: (bashful) Oh, a lot of yoga and gymnastics!
Brick: (salutes) Outstanding! (Sky giggles bashfully)
Lightning: Sha-damn! You must be made of rubber! (Sky laughs)
Sky: (laughs/teasing Lightning) Admit it, you have met your match, buddy! (she blows a raspberry at him)
(Lightning growls as the 3 athletes continue their workout)
Lightning: (confessional) The next time I have to face Sky in a challenge, I WILL WIN! I can and I will! Sha-win!
Sky: (confessional/smug) He can try as he might, but I'll always have the advantage against Lightning because I'm smarter and faster. He wants a piece of me? He can have it, if he can catch me! (laughs)
(meanwhile in the loser cabin, Gwen and Courtney are enjoying each other's company)
Gwen: Okay, this cabin can kiss my ass. But I'm so glad you and I are friends again!
Courtney: Me too! (she smiles at her friend. Then she sighs sadly)
Gwen: What's wrong Court?
Courtney: I can't believe I'm saying this but, I miss Scott.
Gwen: You miss him, huh?
Courtney: Yeah. Despite his farm boy BO and pit stains, he's actually...cute.
Gwen: Aw, that's sweet. You know what would be really fun? If we went on a double date!
Courtney: You and Duncan...me and Scott! That does sound fun! (she thinks about Scott and Gwen hugs her. Then, Chris comes onto the loudspeaker)
Chris: (loudspeaker) Attention campers! Please meet me at the dock of shame in 10 minutes! Be there or be square! Heh heh heh!
(everyone meets up with Chris at the dock)
Chris: Welcome! Today's challenge is a nod to the treasure hunt challenge from season 1, with a touch of the war challenge from season 2 and the nighttime scavenger hunt from season 4.
Alejandro: That's a lot of challenges put into one.
Chris: Isn't it? Now, today's challenge will take place over on Boney Island. (everyone is nervous) Yeah, the place where you go spend the night in exile. Yeah, that place.
Duncan: And we're doing the challenge there because...?
Chris: Because there's a buried treasure hidden somewhere on the island! And no, it's not the invincibility statue, it's something else. (then, the boat of losers pulls up to the dock with Scott on board) Ah! Perfect timing!
Scott: Hey. I'm back. (before he can step off the boat, Chris stops him)
Chris: Not so fast. This is our ride to Boney Island.
Scott: What? I was there all night and now I have to go back? (Censored)!
Chris: Sorry bro. That's where our next challenge awaits. Everyone hop in! (Everyone boards the boat of losers and they set off for Boney Island)
(On Boney Island)
Sky: Ooooh, spooky.
(Shawn is anxiously looking around, he is scared! But Jasmine holds his hand)
Jasmine: It's okay Shawn, I'm here. You're alright. (Shawn smiles nervously)
Chris: Welcome to Boney Island, the deadliest and most dangerous island in Ontario! It's also where all the mutant creatures from season 4 reside after they were relocated by the authorities.
Geoff: Whoa...sounds heavy man!
Chris: Right? Anywho, there's a buried treasure hidden somewhere around here. Villains, you won the last challenge, so you get the advantage of carrying a treasure map, with the exact precise location of where the treasure is hidden, marked by this X. You also get a 20 second head start. (the Villains cheer and the Heroes groan dreadfully)
Courtney: It's no big deal. We'll just follow the Villains until they find the treasure.
Gwen: Yeah! Just like in the blue harvest Moon challenge.
Chris: Oh yeah, one more thing. Don't think just because you find the treasure means you win. That sucker is sealed shut, so you'll need a key to open it. Like in the cliff diving challenge, there are several keys scattered all over the island. But only one of those keys will open the chest. First team to unlock the chest and get the goodies contained inside wins invincibility. And the losers will send someone home tonight.
Alejandro: And I assume there are no shovels to dig the treasure out of the ground?
Chris: Yep. You'll have to make like a dog and digga tunnah, dig digga tunnah! Ya could dig and never get dunnah! Digga tunnah, dig digga tunnah! Quick before the hyena come! Heh heh heh!
Duncan: (unamused) Seriously?
Lindsay: Yay! Wait, what?
Chris: You'll have to dig with your hands or with anything you find in the jungle. Oh, and watch out for the indigenous wildlife. We lost a few interns not too long ago. So good luck, and be careful.
(The Villains set off, with Heather leading the way)
Lightning: Sha-bye-bye suckers! We pass you like gas! (laughs)
Scott: (evilly) Oh yeah! Sing the doom song!
Heather: (smug) Ha! I'd say those Heroes are not operational. (chuckles)
Zoey: (angry) You better watch it, those are my friends you're referring to.
Heather: Oh whatever, Mary Sue.
(Zoey grabs Heather by the throat and pulls her close in a threatening manner)
Zoey: (threatening) Do not (censored) with me, or else I will (censored) your (censored) up! Understand?
Heather: (sarcastic) Wow, who put salt in your sugar shaker?
Zoey: (threatening) I mean it. I've got a lot of instinct, and I'm not afraid to use it.
Heather: Uh huh, sure. (Zoey growls at her)
Scott: I wonder what's in that treasure chest.
Lightning: How about a million dollar trophy! With the Lightning statue on it!
Scarlett: (annoyed) Your ego knows no bounds.
Duncan: No kidding.
Mal: I hope there's something devilish in there.
Heather: Uh...yeah. This way! (the Villains follow her)
Zoey: (confessional/angry) Disgusting Villains team. Whatever happens to them is no concern of mine. Only Mal is my target. His oppression cannot go unopposed.
Mal: (confessional) Zoey thinks she's so tough. What a joke. She's as tame as a pet rabbit.
(Back at the start)
Chris: Okay Heroes, off you go!
(The Heroes set off. Jasmine and Brick lead and the others follow)
Brick: We will have to make up for the lost time.
Jasmine: Right. 20 seconds might not be much, but just 1 second can change everything.
Brick: Affirmative.
Sky: I'll go into the trees for a bird's eye view!
Jasmine: Good idea! See if you can spot the Villains or a key or something!
Sky: On it!
Shawn: I'm coming up too! (He and Sky leap into the trees with ease)
Geoff: I wish I could climb like that! Gnarly moves Dudes!
Shawn: Years of practice!
Geoff: Sweet!
Courtney: See anything up there?
Sky: I see the Villains!
Shawn: Yep! They're at our 10 o'clock!
Lindsay: It's 10 o'clock? That's when I usually get my hair done!
Courtney: (annoyed) Ugh, no Lindsay. It's an analogy used to describe the relative direction of something compared to your point of view.
Lindsay: What's an analogy again?
Courtney: UGH! Never mind.
Gwen: What Shawn means is the Villains are to our left.
Lindsay: Ohhhhhhh!
Courtney: (confessional) Just wonderful. One of the cons about being on this show is...being teammates with a girl who can't even remember her own name.
Jasmine: Alright! We gotta find a key first and then follow the Villains.
Gwen: Right. They have the map, so let them lead the way.
Courtney: And then, smash and grab!
Lindsay: Like a pirate?
Geoff: Kind of.
Lindsay: Arrrgh! (laughs)
Brick: Alright soldiers, move out!
(Meanwhile, the Villains are following the map through the jungle)
Duncan: Shouldn't we be looking for keys first?
Alejandro: Sí, we must.
Heather: Do whatever you want. I'm following this map to the treasure.
Alejandro: It would not be wise to wander into the jungle alone. You might put yourself in danger.
Heather: Whatever. Chris didn't say anything about sticking together. I'm finding that treasure.
Lightning: Lightning's going for the gold! Sha-bam!
Heather: Ugh. Fine. Just try and keep up, okay?
Lightning: Ain't nobody telling Lightning where to go! Lightning makes his own way! Now gimme that map! (he took the map from Heather and holds it upside down! He goes in a different direction!)
Heather: Hey! We just came from that way! Come back here, dingbat! (Confessional) I swear, if he's doing what I think he's about to do, I'll make sure he won't have kids!
(the other Villains are searching for keys together. Duncan and Zoey search together, Alejandro, Scarlett and Scott search together, Mal searches alone. Lightning is with Heather)
Mal: (confessional) I don't really give a damn about finding the treasure. Right now I have to get rid of Zoey. She's all over my ass. Watching my every move like a hawk. I will not let her interfere with my plans.
(In Mike's subconscious, Mike's ankle is chained to a heavy boulder. He is struggling to move because of the heavy weight behind him)
Mike: Sheesh, what a drag! (then, he spots a tower with spikes on it) Hey, what's that? Oh, that must be Mal's headquarters! Now I just have to get there so I can get out of this mess. (Question marks are flying past him. He grabs one and uses it to detach the chain from his ankle, freeing him!) YES! (he sets off towards Mal's HQ when he spots Chester, working as a skateboard salesman) Chester! Are you selling skateboards?
Chester: Eh, it was Mal's idea.
Mike: Hey, maybe you can help me fight him and regain control again!
Chester: Who, Mal? Oh, he's whippiest snapping whippersnapper that ever-
Mike: (interrupting) Chester! Are you in?
Chester: Eh, what the hell. I'm with ya Mike! (Mike frees Chester)
Mike: Alright! Let's get moving! We should probably find the others before we go to Mal's HQ. We'll need all the help we can get to stop that monstrosity! Come on! (he sets off and Chester follows)
Chester: Oh boy. This is probably gonna get ugly.
(Back in the real world, Alejandro, Scarlett and Scott are searching for keys)
Alejandro: Chris said there are keys everywhere.
Scarlett: Yes. Under rocks, behind things...
Scott: In trees... (then, Fang jumps out of a bush and surprises him!) INSIDE A SHARK!
Scarlett: The mutant shark again? He must have an infatuation with you.
Alejandro: Indeed.
Scott: AM-SCRAY! (he runs away and Fang chases him!)
(Meanwhile, the Heroes are scouting for keys when they see Lightning and Heather approaching. Lightning is still holding the map upside down)
Lightning: According to this map, I just have to keep going this way! Until I see a giant X!
Heather: Get your ass back here and give me that map!
Sky: Uh, guys? We got company.
Jasmine: You guys go find the key. I'm following them to the treasure.
Brick: Affirmative. Troops, spread and search!
Sky: Yeah! We'll cover more ground that way!
Lindsay: Yay!
Jasmine: Good! I'll be right back! (she follows Heather and Lightning)
Shawn: (gulps nervously) Okay, this place is just like the zombie training back home! Nothing to worry about! (suddenly, he sees gleaming eyes in the shadows!)
Lindsay: Ooooh, look! Awwww! Such a cute cuddly little guy!
Shawn: That's not cuddly! That's a...a...z-z-z-ZOMBIES!
Lindsay: Zombies? I thought they weren't real...
Courtney: Oh, he's not serious!
Sky: Guy has a zombie phobia. But he knows how to survive in the wild.
Courtney: That's...good, I guess.
(Meanwhile, the Villains are searching for a key and coming up short. Scott was able to escape Fang)
Scott: It took me forever to find the invincibility statue here, and I couldn't even find that! What chance do we have at finding a key?
Zoey: (angry) Quit your whining and keep looking, shark bait.
Scott: Whatever, Laura Croft. By the way, how do you like it on the dark side, eh?
(Zoey grabs Scott by the throat and pulls him close in a threatening manner)
Zoey: (threatening) You may have forgotten that I can snap you like a twig! Especially after the shenanigans you pulled in season 4!
Scott: (confessional) Sheesh, what's her problem?
Zoey: (confessional/angry) I got my eye on you Scott. Just like I got my eye on Mal.
(Duncan is looking for a key when suddenly, he grabs a hold of something!)
Duncan: I got something!
Alejandro: A key? Muy bien!
Scarlett: Excellent!
(Duncan pulls out what he got, but it's not a key! It's a Sasquatch! It roars at him!)
Duncan: Whoa!
Zoey: (angry/springing into action) Not on my watch, fur-ball! (she kicks it in the kiwis and punches it back into the bushes HARD) If I see you again, you're getting turned into a rug! Ya hear me?!
Duncan: (confessional) Wow, I didn't know Zoey had it in her.
Zoey: (confessional/angry) Messing with me is like touching a hot stove. And only a complete moron would dare to get on my bad side.
Alejandro: Well, that's one less problem for us. Bravo Zoey!
Scarlett: Indeed! This new side of you must have awakened some exquisite combat skills.
Zoey: (angry) Hmph. Whatever. I'm going for a bird's eye view. (She swings up into the trees with style to search for keys on the island) Keep looking! We don't have all day!
(in Mike's subconscious, he hears Zoey talking)
Mike: Zoey? ZOEY! (he takes control and Mal lands back in Mike's subconscious)
Chester: (scared) AAAHHHHH! What the?
Mal: What the hell?
(Mike goes back to normal)
Mike: Hey! How did I get here?
(that's when Zoey heard Mike's voice)
Zoey: Is that Mike? Stay where you are! I'm coming!
(Back in Mike's subconscious)
Mal: Oh no you don't! (he regains control)
Mike: Zoey! I...(he's back in his subconscious) NO!
Chester: (scared) I don't know what's happening!
Mike: Zoey needs me and there's nothing I can do! GRRRR! When I get out of here, Mal is going to be SOOOOO SORRY!
(Before Zoey could reach Mike, it was too late! Mal has regained control!)
Zoey: Mike! I'm here!
Mal: Too late.
Zoey: (growls angrily) You f-(censored) Scumbag! Let Mike go!
Mal: Even if I could, I can't. He is no more.
Zoey: (angry) Yeah, right! Try as you might, YOU...WILL...FAIL! (she swings back up into the trees)
(Meanwhile, the Heroes are still searching for keys. Sky is worried about Zoey)
Sky: I hope Zoey is doing okay.
Brick: Me too, teammate. I hope it doesn't actually turn her into one of the enemy.
Gwen: I'm sure she's just going through a phase, triggered by emotion.
Courtney: Yeah, she seemed like she had a bone to pick with that Mal guy.
Lindsay: Aww, I hope Zoey will be okay! I like her!
Geoff: Her new attitude is like, totally heavy.
Lindsay: (spots a key) Ooooh, pretty! Hey guys! I found something shiny! It looks just like a key!
Gwen: That IS a key, Lindsay!
Geoff: Righteous! Good eye!
Lindsay: (puts her hands behind her back bashfully) Aww, shucks.
Sky: Let's go find Jasmine! She's following Heather and Lightning with the map! (they run in the direction Jasmine went to catch up. Ahead, Lightning is still going the wrong way with the map! Heather is still chasing him, trying to take back the map!)
Lightning: Let's see, just a few more feet to go! Buried treasure, here I come!
Heather: (angry) If you don't give me that map, I will make sure you can never piss again!
Lightning: Gotta catch the Lightning first!
Heather: (angry) Why you rotten little son of a...GET BACK HERE!
(Jasmine is still following them, and the other Heroes are not far behind. Suddenly, Lindsay spots something off the corner of her eye. She goes over to investigate)
Lindsay: Ooooh, that's a very pretty X! Hi! I'm Lindsay! What's your name? (no reply) Oh, I get it. You're shy. It's okay! I'm nice! I'm not gonna hurt you!
(later, Lightning changed direction again! He reaches the spot where the X is, and Lindsay is already there!)
Lightning: WOO HOO! First!
Lindsay: (waves to him) Oh, hello! Wanna meet X?
Lightning: (shocked) WHAT?! How did you get here? (growls) STUPID MAP! (he rips the map to pieces in anger and stomps the ground angrily! Lindsay laughs) SHA-DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored)! (Lindsay laughs so hard she falls over! She laughed and laughed!)
Lindsay: (confessional) I don't think I've ever laughed that hard in my life! (laughs) Lightning is so funny!
Lightning: (confessional/angry) IT'S IMPOSSIBLE! LIGHTNING NEVER LOSES! ESPECIALLY TO A GIRL! SHA-BAAAAMMMM! (he punches the camera, cracking it)
(Heather hears the commotion and comes over)
Heather: (tackles Lightning and pins him) Alright you meatheaded son of a (censored), you better give me one VERY good reason for me not to- (she notices Lindsay and the X) Well, I'll be damned. You found it!
Lindsay: Oh, hi Hanna! Wanna meet X too?
Heather: (sarcastic) Yeah, no. Now step aside, Lindsiot! This treasure has got Villainous Vultures written all over it!
(Chris and Chef are in the booth watching)
Chef: I gotta ask Chris, there's been a challenge that's pirate themed in every season. You got a thing for pirates or something?
Chris: I really like pirate movies. Especially Pirates of the Caribbean.
Chef: Wanna watch the whole saga when this is over?
Chris: You bet! (turns to the camera) We'll be right back, after these messages.
(Commercial break)
(At the X, Heather starts digging with her hands)
Heather: Hey bicep brain! Are you gonna help me or not?
Lightning: You call that digging? Let Lightning show you how it's done! (he digs at a very fast pace!)
Heather: (impressed) Wow! Look at you go, ya muscle headed dirt moving machine!
(Lightning digs and digs until he hits something solid)
Heather: (annoyed) Let me know when you're done playing around, okay?
Lightning: I got something!
Heather: It's about time! Now quit hogging the glory, Captain modesty! (she jumps down into the hole Lightning dug and tries to lift the treasure chest, but it's too heavy)
Lightning: Let Lightning at that treasure! (he easily unearths the chest from underground! It is locked shut and has Chris's face on it!)
Heather: (sarcastic) Why am I not surprised?
Chris: (confessional) Finally. My face on a treasure chest. Hey, I'll take it where I can get it!
(Jasmine arrives)
Lindsay: Oh, hi Jennifer!
Jasmine: It's Jasmine, mate.
Lindsay: Oops. Look! I found something shiny!
Jasmine: Nice Lindsay! You got a key! Try it on the chest! (Lindsay puts the key in the lock, but it doesn't open)
Lindsay: I think it's broken.
Jasmine: Here, let me try it. (she takes the key and tests it on the lock) It's not broken. It just doesn't fit the lock. We gotta keep looking.
Lindsay: Ohhhhh!
Jasmine: Yeah. Come on! (she leaves to find another key and Lindsay follows)
Heather: Well crap! We're stuck here with no key! I hope those other losers have better luck.
(the other Villains are searching when Zoey finds a key in a hole of a tree)
Zoey: Got a key!
Duncan: (finds a key in a bush) Same here!
Alejandro: Bueno! To the X! Vamanos! (the other Villains follow him. They spot Lightning and Heather in the clearing with the treasure chest) There they are! (they arrive at the clearing)
Heather: (impatient) It's about time you got here! Please tell me you found keys!
Duncan: Got one!
Zoey: Got one!
Scott: I found a nickel.
Mal: Pathetic. (Zoey sneers at him)
Heather: Just test the keys before the Goody goody babies arrive.
(Zoey tests her key, no luck)
Zoey: Crap!
(Duncan tests his key, also no luck)
Duncan: Dud.
Heather: Just great. Lightning, stay here and guard the chest so that no one takes it.
Lightning: Why me?
Heather: (convincing) Because, that's a really important task that only someone with an MVP caliber like yours can handle! You're a natural! (she leaves)
Lightning: Sha-yeah! Ain't no losers taking Lightning's gold! No one!
Heather: (confessional/laughs) What a loser!
(as the Heroes are running towards the treasure site, Sky spots something shiny off the corner of her eye)
Sky: Hey, that looks like a key! (she picks it up, and it is a key!) Hey guys! Got a key!
Courtney: Nice! Now let's go! Pick up the pace!
(they arrive at the treasure chest where Lightning is standing guard)
Lightning: (to himself) First thing Lightning's gonna buy with his gold, that giant trophy I always wanted!
(the Heroes huddle up)
Gwen: Great. He's guarding the chest. What do we do?
Brick: One of us will have to create a disturbance to lure him away from our target.
Sky: I'll do it! I don't mind making him look like a joke again! (giggles)
Geoff: Gnarly! If it's one thing I know about a heist, it's to get rid of the guard first!
Shawn: But, this isn't a heist.
Geoff: Yeah. But same concept.
Sky: Okay, here I go! (she approaches Lightning all smug like) Well, look who it is!
Lightning: What do you want tiny girl? Wait, you ain't getting Lightning's treasure!
Sky: (faking) Oh, it's not that. I just heard that there's an even bigger treasure hidden over that way! (she points off into the woods)
Lightning: Really?
Sky: (faking) Yes! Really! You better go claim it before someone else does! Go! Run!
Lightning: Look out treasure! Lightning to the rescue! (he takes off running)
Sky: (shouts to him) AND HURRY! (laughs) That'll keep him distracted for a while!
Geoff: Gnarly moves Sky! Is there really another treasure?
Sky: (laughs) No! But Lightning doesn't have to know that!
(Geoff laughs)
Geoff: Now let's get this thing open!
(Sky tests the key she found. No luck)
Sky: Aw man! Wrong key!
Geoff: Aw, it's that cliff jumping challenge all over again!
Courtney: I'll say. (they leave the area to look for more keys, leaving the treasure chest unattended)
(as the Villains are looking for another key, Heather catches something in an underground burrow)
Heather: Is this what I think it is? (she pulls it out, and it is the invincibility statue!) YES! (she covers her mouth quickly) Oops. (her cheer alerted a pack of wooly beavers! Heather runs away! The beavers growl as they chase her!) OH COME ON! (Alejandro had seen everything from behind a tree)
Alejandro: (smug) I'm certain she can handle them on her own. Just watch. (Heather runs in circles and the beavers chase her! Then, Zoey springs into action! She wacks the beavers away with a giant tree club!)
Zoey: (angry) They're just begging to be turned into taxidermy.
Heather: Well, thanks for the save, not that I needed it.
Zoey: (angry) Yeah, well, next time you're invited for dinner, make sure you're not on the menu.
Alejandro: (to Heather) My my, you just look so bonita fleeing a predator like a mouse fleeing a cat.
Heather: (annoyed) I was nearly turned into kibble and you're flirting?!
Alejandro: (flirts/puts his arm around her) Aye, but it's true. (he shoves some wild berries in her mouth to distract her) Here, you should probably eat. You're gonna get smashed, crushed, and drowned, and beat up a lot. So you'll need your strength.
Heather: (spits them out) BLECHHH! What was that for?!
Alejandro: (flirts) Me doing a good deed by helping you keep your energy up.
Heather: (angry) Ughhhh! You are such a (censored)! (she storms off and Alejandro looks at her smugly)
Alejandro: (confessional/pulls out the invincibility statue) Anything Heather can do, yours truly can do better.
Duncan: (to Zoey) Uh, Zoey?
Zoey: (angry) What?
Duncan: I think Mal might be at it again. Look at my knife. (he shows her his broken knife. Zoey takes it and takes extreme measures as she examines it! She sniffs it and checks for suspicious fingerprints)
Zoey: (angry) Mhm. Just as I suspected.
Duncan: So it was him, huh?
Zoey: (angry) Indeed it was. I recognize these fingerprints and that scent anywhere. When I get my hands on that son of a (censored), I'm gonna put a hurt on him so bad, he's gonna wish his mama had kept her legs closed.
Duncan: Ouch! I've never heard it put that way before! Damn!
Zoey: (angry) Yeah, you best get used to it, pal. No more miss nice girl.
(meanwhile, the Heroes are searching for keys)
Gwen: (sighs) So many keys, so little time.
(Geoff finds one)
Geoff: Here's one! Let's motor to the chest!
Shawn: Ohhh, I hope it's the right one.
Jasmine: Yeah. I'm not in the mood for running in circles in the jungle with who knows what's out there.
Shawn: Yeah! The zombies might be here too! Let your guard down for even a nanosecond and it could be disastrous!
Lindsay: I don't wanna be eaten by zombies! I'm scrawny! Barely an appetizer!
(once they arrive at the chest, Geoff tests his key, but no luck)
Geoff: Crap! No go!
Brick: Keep searching!
Sky: I'm taking higher ground to look in the trees! Anyone wanna come with me?
Shawn: I'll come! No zombies can get us up there!
Sky: Sweet!
Brick: (salutes) Outstanding! Good luck teammates! (Sky blushes heavily and giggles)
Shawn: Sky, come on! (he sets off into the jungle, and Sky follows. Meanwhile, Lightning is looking for the other treasure)
Lightning: Alright other treasure, get ready for the Lightning! (he looks around) No treasure? Where am I? Stupid jungle! Everything looks the same! (suddenly, he hears growling! It's a bear!) Ooooh, I'm so scared! Stupid freak! (the bear roars and charges at him!) Sha-yikes! (the bear pins him and takes swipes at him! Lightning throws punches at the bear! Sky spots him from a tree above)
Sky: (shouts to him/teasing) Hey Lightning! Made a new friend I see!
Lightning: (struggling with the bear) Tiny girl? (growls) You are so toast when I finish with him!
Sky: (teasing) Enjoy your playdate, sucker! (she blows a raspberry as she disappears into the jungle!)
Lightning: GODDAMMIT! Tiny girl made a fool outta me aga-GET YOUR DAMN DIRTY PAWS OFF OF ME!
(Meanwhile, the Villains are still searching for another key)
Heather: Hurry up guys! The sooner we get that treasure, the sooner we can be out of this hell hole!
Scott: Hold your horses big shot! We're coming!
Scarlett: (annoyed) Your superiority complex is quite irritating.
Heather: Wait a minute, where is Lightning? UGH! You guys find a key. I'm gonna look for Jock strap.
Scott: Ugh. Whatever, slave driver.
Heather: Hey! I'm team captain! You better watch how you address me, dirt boy!
Scott: That's dirt MAN to you!
Heather: Whatever. (she goes off to search for Lightning, and the Villains search for another key)
Mal: (confessional) Hmm...how am I supposed to sabotage a challenge like this one when all the keys are so well hidden? (sighs) I'll just have to wing it and play along so that those loser Heroes don't win. And getting rid of Zoey might be harder than I thought.
(Mal finds a key)
Mal: (evilly) Yes. I can almost taste victory. Say your prayers, you disgusting Heroes!
Zoey: (angry) Well, nice going. Not that I care.
Mal: Save it, peon. Let's get the treasure. (he goes over to the chest and tests his key) Now let's see what contents really await inside. (no luck) Dammit!
Zoey: (angry) Another dud. Why am I not surprised? (confessional/angry) This is a waste of my time.
(Heather is out in the jungle looking for Lightning, when she hears growling and fighting. She goes to investigate and she finds Lightning still wrestling with the bear)
Heather: (confessional/groans dreadfully) Just my luck to get stuck with a novice.
Heather: (to Lightning/unamused) Are you finished?
Lightning: (battered) Yeah! MVP! (he collapses)
Heather: This is no time to be laying around! We'll be here all day if you do that! (she drags him across the ground behind her like she killed an animal!)
(as the Heroes are searching for keys on the ground, Shawn and Sky are in the trees looking for keys higher up)
Sky: Find a key Shawn?
Shawn: Got one! (then, a woodpecker pecks at the branch he is on!) Uh oh... (the branch breaks under him! He tumbles down the tree and SPLAT! He faceplants in the dirt below!) Ow...
Sky: Shawn! Are you okay?
Shawn: (seeing stars) Never...trust...woodpeckers. (he holds up the key he found)
Sky: Amen to that. Come on, let's move. (she carries him on her shoulders to the treasure chest)
(they arrive and Sky tests the key. The chest is open!)
Sky: YES! (shouts to her teammates) Hey guys! We did it! It's open! (her teammates arrive and they cheer)
Brick: (salutes) Well done, teammate! Mission accomplished!
(Sky salutes back and blushes)
Chris: (from a helicopter above) And the Heroic Hamsters win!
(the Villains groan dreadfully in defeat)
Sky: Now, let's see what the treasure is! (the Heroes look inside, and they find lots of snacks, soda bottles, candy, popcorn, and other goodies!)
Geoff: Look at all that grub!
Lindsay: Aw, I wanted a muffin! Oh well.
Chris: (still in the helicopter) Villains, I'll see you at the bonfire tonight.
(that evening, everyone is back at Camp Wawanakwa. Gwen and Duncan are standing outside the cabins and having a chat)
Gwen: Sorry you lost Mohawk.
Duncan: Ehh, it's cool.
Gwen: So I wanted to talk to you about something.
Duncan: Shoot.
Gwen: It's about Zoey. I kinda noticed she was hanging out with you quite a bit.
Duncan: Yeah, I'm her ally in squaring up against Mal.
Gwen: Hmm, I see. There's nothing serious going on between you two, is there?
Duncan: No, there isn't. We're just allies. Although her new warrior persona is kinda unsettling.
Gwen: Yeah. I'm a little worried about her.
Duncan: Me too.
Gwen: (teasing) That's rare coming from someone of your nature.
Duncan: What is?
Gwen: (teasing) Being worried about someone else, silly! (giggles)
Duncan: Ugh!
(Gwen laughs)
Gwen: It's okay. I know you care about your reputation very much. I won't tell the new guys about it. I promise. (she kisses him)
Duncan: (confessional) I said this already in season 1. I'm not nice. Okay? Anybody who thinks I am is gonna get a 5-fingered knuckle sandwich served in their (censored) face! Got it!?
(later, the teams are at the elimination ceremony. The Heroes in the peanut gallery and the Villains by the fire)
Chris: What a day, eh? Key hunting and digging for buried treasure! What fun! But now it's time to send a villain off the island for good. So cast your votes, Villains!
Duncan: (confessional) Heather with her big shot attitude is pissing me off. Although Alejandro is a bigger threat…
Scarlett: (confessional) Heather would be the prominent choice to eliminate. She has been trying my patience ever since the first episode.
Heather: (confessional/annoyed) Can I vote for 3 people?
Zoey: (confessional/angry) Mal.
Alejandro: (confessional) She is beautiful, isn't she?
Chris: Okay, if you get a marshmallow, you're still in the game. No marshmallow means you're S.O.L. (he hands out marshmallows) Scott, Scarlett, Duncan. (Zoey, Heather, Lightning, Alejandro, and Mal are left) The 5 of you racked up some votes. Alejandro for, well, being the threat that you've always been.
Alejandro: No comment, señor.
Chris: Lightning for doing very little to help the team and for falling for a trick by an opponent.
Lightning: Tiny girl done framed me!
(Sky blows a raspberry)
Chris: Heather for being a pain in the ass-
Heather: (interrupting) Hey!
Chris: Mal for also being a major threat.
Mal: (rolls his eyes) Ugh.
Chris: And Zoey for-
Zoey: (stands up and grabs Chris by the collar) Listen (censored) for brains! No more miss nice girl! My boyfriend is being held hostage and I will not leave him behind! Understand?! Ugh! I have to keep repeating myself!
Chris: (nervous) Which is why you're safe. (Zoey takes her marshmallow, leaving Mal, Heather, Alejandro and Lightning) Mal. (Mal gets his marshmallow and he and Zoey glare at each other. Lightning, Alejandro and Heather are left) Lightning.
Lightning: Sha-sweet!
Chris: And the unlucky Villain going home tonight is... (Alejandro and Heather wait smugly) Alejandro.
Heather: HA! In your face, El Scumbag! Alejandro: (smug) Oh, I'm not going anywhere.
Heather: (smug) And what makes you believe that? Hmm?
Alejandro: (smug/pulls out the invincibility statue) This. I have diplomatic immunity. (Everyone gasps!)
Chris: Whoa! The invincibility statue! Nice!
Heather: (furious) You! YOU! YOUUUUUUUUU!
Alejandro: (smug) At last. Revenge.
Chris: So that means Alejandro is safe, and Heather, since you had the next most amount of votes, you're out.
Heather: (furious) WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOO! THIS ISN'T OVER! YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYERS, YOU PIECE OF (censored)! WHEN I FINISH WITH YOU, YOU'LL BE IN A CARDBOARD BOX UNDER A BRIDGE EATING MICE! (points to Alejandro, he is smug) AND YOU!
Alejandro: (smug) Yes, mi amor?
Heather: (furious) I AM GONNA (censored) KICK YOUR (censored) ASS FOR THIS!
Alejandro: (smug) Oh, don't get too excited. Now that I have avenged the shame you caused me in Hawaii, the slate is clean. We can start fresh. After all, we are a perfect couple.
Heather: (punches him in the face HARD) WE ARE THROUGH!
Alejandro: (smug) Mhm. Sure. (Heather kicks him in the kiwis HARD) AHHHH! Ay carramba!
Chris: Chef? A little help here? (Chef flings Heather over his shoulder and carries her down the dock)
Heather: (furious) PUT ME DOWN YOU DAMN DIRTY GORILLA OR YOU WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES! THIS IS NOT DIGNIFIED! PUT ME DOWN! (she is kicking and screaming as Chef drops her onto the boat and locks her in shackles and chains to restrain her. The boat of losers takes her away) I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU! YA HEAR ME! (she disappears into the night)
Alejandro: (confessional) She'll come running back to me in no time. Just watch.
Chris: Phew! I'm glad that's over. Now, Heroes, which of you is heading to exile?
(Sky raises her hand)
Sky: Me!
Chris: Done! Chef?
Chef: Come on girly!
(Sky follows Chef and he takes her to Boney Island)
Chris: Wow, Heather did not go down quietly tonight, eh? Heh heh heh! Will she and Alejandro kiss and make up? What will the future hold for Courtney and Scott? Will Zoey ever return to normal? Will she stop Mal? Find out next time on an all-new episode of TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(epilogue)
(after the teams went to the cabins to go to bed, Courtney and Scott met up outside)
Courtney: Hey.
Scott: Hey. Congrats on the win.
Courtney: Thanks. Call me crazy, but...I actually kinda missed having you as a teammate.
Scott: Really?
Courtney: Yeah. You're kinda smelly and dirty sometimes, but...you're kinda...cute.
Scott: You know, I kinda missed having you on my team too. Sure, you can be imperious and grumpy sometimes, but I can...see through that.
(Courtney blushes)
Courtney: Maybe we could be allies when we merge? I know it's kinda tough to form an alliance with someone on the opposing team, but what do you say?
Scott: Uh, sure! I'm in!
Courtney: (jumps excitedly) YAY! (covers her mouth) Oops. I mean, great!
(they smile at each other)
Courtney: (confessional) I hope nobody else saw that...(squeals happily)
Scott: (confessional) If Courtney and I end up dating, I hope she can tolerate my imperfections. The only advice my pappy ever gave me about relationships is, if you're ever in Holland, go Dutch. Oh, I get it! Heh heh heh! I'll keep that in mind.
Courtney: Well, I'm off to bed now.
Scott: Me too. Night.
Courtney: Goodnight.
(credits)
ELIMINATION ORDER
PRE-MERGE
22nd: Sugar
21st: Max
20th: Jo
19th: Sierra
18th: Owen
17th: Cameron
16th: Heather