Trigger Warning: This chapter contains a brief mention of rape. If this content offends you, please take caution and turn back now! You've been warned.
I tip my head back, draining the last of the remaining drink in my glass, slamming it back on the counter on the way down. I exchanged glances with Telma as I looked up, who conveyed a look of silent disapproval and worry as she refilled my cup once more. I ignore her stares, grateful she isn't bothering to ask questions as I tip my head back for another swig.
I'm not in the mood to be interrogated today.
A thick fuzziness hits me as patrons excitedly bellow out behind me, the sound muddling out in my ears.
A sudden flash of the thief leader's lifeless face crossed my mind as my cup refilled once more, drowning everything out by focusing on the burning, overwhelming sensation that slid down my throat.
"Honey," Telma's motherly voice called out to me, "maybe it's time to go home." She gently coaxed, a worried smile etched deep into her face.
I groaned in irritation, partially at the sight of my empty glass as Telma decided to cut me off, and also at her tone, which came off condescending in my annoyed, drunken stupor. Over these last couple of days, I found I preferred a drink to nurse my problems away over Telma's caring disposition. It felt so much easier to numb everything out with alcohol than to talk through all my problems to someone who cared.
I cradled my head between my hands as the older woman leaned closer. Her mouth opened again to say something else when her head suddenly snapped up as I heard the chair to my right scrape loudly against the floor, spotting familiar raven hair lowering into the seat beside me.
The older bartender straightened herself back out, her lips pressed into a firm line as she passed one last dismayed glance my way before tending to her other patrons, her intervention disrupted.
"So, this is where you've been hiding these last couple of days." Ashei started with an air of nonchalance as she swirled around the contents of the glass that was placed before her.
A few long moments pass. My mind is a hazy maelstrom of heavy emotions that I want to share from the culmination of these last couple of weeks, but my mouth can't seem to move. I don't even know where to begin.
"You look like shit." Ashei commented, breaking me out of reverie.
A small smirk tugged on my lips, finding humor in her blunt words. Most people usually are offended or taken aback by her curt personality, but I didn't mind it. It was her distinctive trait that initially had me drawn to her back in my adventuring days and I've grown to love it, finding my preference of her no bullshit attitude over the flowery, ornate language many formals around me use. It was this same key mannerism that clued me in that Ashei seemed to be doing okay, despite the tragedies she recently went through.
"Hey, uh," I stumbled out, "I've been meaning to say. Thank you for staying by my side and saving my life. Twice. I owe you." I internally cringed, wanting to say more but not knowing how to express it. My words didn't even scratch the surface of how deep my appreciation for Ashei ran, my private love for her recently blossomed to greater heights.
"Don't mention it. Someone's gotta look after you. Besides, you always seem to find new ways to get yourself killed." We exchanged smiles. I took notice of her features in that moment, as it was lit by a warm, orange glow from the lanterns around us. That ceaseless, exhausted and worried look that seemed frozen on her face from Snowpeak has melted away, making her look rejuvenated and beautiful.
"So," Ashei started after a few more silent moments, her tone serious. "Why am I meeting you at a place like this? I don't find you much of a drinker."
Her words sliced through, severing our short-lived intimate moment. My lighthearted smile returned to a tight frown as she threw reality back in my face much too soon for my liking.
"I…." I started, my hands tightening around the stout glass for stability as my heart fluttered. All my emotions for the last year swirled around, covering me in a dark fog. I didn't even know where to begin. But I felt assured that if I was to share my darkest emotions, Ashei would be the person I was to do so with, and she would understand.
"I can't stop seeing his dead face," I said with a heavy sigh. A long pause extended, Ashei's face craned towards my direction once more. I continued. "That thief that I killed back on Snowpeak. His face was the last thing I saw before I passed out and it's been haunting me ever since, Ashei."
Talking about it set me back again, fighting hard against the fresh wave of tremors and assaulting memories.
I gulped, noting my throat was becoming bone-dry, and wishing for nothing more than another drink to calm my rising nerves. "I'm terrified. I keep trying to remember it, but it won't come. I think I blacked out. But since that day, he hasn't left me alone. Goddesses damn them, the image won't get out of my head! I just keep getting sent back to when I dealt the killing blow to Ganondorf, and he had the same lifeless expression!" My voice started to raise by the end as my hands curled into tight fists. Barely catching the intensity of my voice, I took a deep breath, trying to center myself.
Ashei remained quiet, giving me space and further encouragement to keep going.
I opened the palm of my right hand, staring at it. "I took a life… I killed someone and the regret is eating me alive! I'm scared of myself. I'm scared of my own anger! Despite what crimes both this man and Ganondorf have committed, I can't help but feel deep guilt gnaw. It always seems to come after my tremors, and it leaves me confused."
I glanced to my right at my companion who met my gaze, searching deep into her bronze eyes for an answer. "Why am I feeling this way for those who clearly deserved their fate? Nothing is making sense anymore, Ashei!"
I felt her arm snake around my shoulders, which drooped slightly under the rare display of expression, knowing she isn't normally a touchy-feely person. I momentarily felt a sense of triumph at her action as I felt like I was slowly breaking down her walls. Regardless, I found great comfort in her simple contact, fighting back the craving to lean fully into her arms. "Link, don't beat yourself up. You went through a lot this last year and experienced things people normally shouldn't have to go through." She gave my shoulder a little squeeze. "It's okay if you don't know the answers right now. I'm right here beside you."
I smiled, my heart lightening a touch. I lowered my head, staring at the table before me as a tense uncertainty washed over me. I bit my lower lip in deep thought, treaded carefully as I hesitated at my next words. I wavered for a second but began to feel encouraged as I felt the heavy burden being released off my shoulders sharing this with Ashei.
I continued, pushing past my fear. "Before he died, the thief told me about rumors of the Triforce of Power, that it was somewhere near here… I was thinking of finding it for myself, that maybe it would hel–"
Stars danced in my sight as my right cheek was suddenly aflame. The front of my shirt was jerked forward, our faces now inches apart. A furious rage was apparent on her face as my head swam in confusion. Her reaction promptly crushed the reserved hope that she would understand me.
"Are you an idiot?" She yelled, the sudden vehemence of her voice making me withdraw and immediately regret my words, never hearing her get this riled up before.
"Link, you just eradicated this world's most dangerous evil who used that very same relic and now you're telling me you want this power for yourself?" The intensity of her glare pinned me in place as she huffed. "I don't care how much you feel like a failure inside! Searching for something like that will not ease your pain!"
I gaped, unable to process what was happening or able to focus on her chiding words, instead my attention focusing on her features. Being this close to her forced me to suddenly confront my love for her that I've repressed down for years, too scared to say something before. I couldn't bear to see her this angry–this riled up–especially knowing that I was the one to blame. A sudden yearning to fix things, to quell her anger, to show her how much I care about her took me over.
Without a second thought, I threw myself forward, my lips catching hers in a hasty kiss and cutting off her biting words. I put all the mounting affection I held for her over the last year into this single gesture, silently hoping she would understand everything I was trying to convey. My heart thudded wildly in my chest. I felt like I was floating. My biggest weight was finally released off my shoulders as I boldly confessed how I truly felt towards her. I wanted her to see the depth of my feelings for her, how much I cared and needed her in my life. It all just felt right.
We separated after a long moment, with Ashei freeing me from her iron grip. I held my breath as her face flattened into an unreadable mask, which sent my heart into a frenzy as she looked me over. The stretch of silence between us became suddenly unbearable.
"Link, I think you need to go home. You're drunk and clearly aren't thinking straight."
Instantly, I felt my world shattered into scattered pieces, feeling like the floor just gave out under me, sending me deeper into a dark spiral of shame. Disbelief at her words rendered me speechless. My jaw clenched tight as I recognized that she mistakenly brushed off my feelings for her as a moment of intoxication. My lips quivered, twisting in a snarl as the harsh sting of rejection bit in deep. I suddenly felt humiliated and disgusted with myself in her presence.
My curled fists harshly slammed down on the wooden table we shared, the only vocalization of my emotions I could muster. I spotted Ashei flinch from the unexpected impact accompanied by our glasses with a loud click as they landed on their sides. I quickly rose from my chair. I spun around, hurriedly stumbling my way to the exit of the bar as I felt the suffocating, rising need to escape, almost tripping on a chair on the way out while ignoring Ashei's calls after me.
I pushed down a choked sob that clawed it's way up as soon as I shut the doors of the bar behind myself, immediately setting my goal to return home to be alone with my feelings.
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
How could I think that Ashei would ever reciprocate my feelings?
I swiped a fallen tear away with a brush of my palm, wanting nothing more than to return to my home. I kept one hand on the wall beside me, trying to keep myself balanced as I traversed the late night alleyways through blurry, wavering vision.
"Hey there, Hero." I heard a sweet voice call out in the near distance.
I stopped in my tracks, trying to make out where the voice came from.
A woman suspiciously appeared from the shadows before me. She had to be at least two or three feet taller than me. A thought quickly passed that she seemed much too tall for someone living around here. She sported mid-length red hair which was pinned up in a bun, held by a fancy pin and darker, tanned skin, though it was hard to make out under the dim light. A strong yet sweet scent wafted from her almost immediately, drawing me in. Regardless, her beauty caught me in place, catching me off guard as I've never seen someone like her before.
My eyes narrowed, my memory not recollecting if I knew her. I remained still.
"Are you okay? I heard someone sniffling." The girl bent forward, taking a better look at my face. "You don't look so good." I attempted to compose myself, suddenly feeling my cheeks flush with embarrassment that she caught the Hero at such a bad time.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to go h–"
Her lips crashed down onto my own and after a moment of surprise, I accepted the touch, not bothering to care whose lips it was. I found it a nice distraction, getting lost in the moment and allowing me an outlet to redirect all my piercing shame and self-hatred to this stranger. I put my all into this kiss that was really meant for another, dulling out the edge of stinging rejection and the crippling fear that I might have irreversibly damaged the relationship Ashei and I shared.
I didn't want to think about it.
Everything in my life felt wrong and Ashei's words were just another nail in the coffin. To prove to me that I could never make anything right, no matter how much I wanted it.
I deepened the kiss, our tongues intertwining in a passionate dance. Our touches became much more heated. It felt good to be loved, to be wanted, to have some semblance of control over something in my life that tends to slide through my fingers like grains of sand.
We broke away, my cheeks feeling flushed and out of breath. Suddenly, the girl threw her arms out at my chest, roughly pushing me back against the wall. I stumbled and lost my footing on the way, my head smacking harshly against the brick wall. An inkling of deep fear traveled up my spine as I tumbled to the ground, noting that her push was a little too forceful.
A cold fear washed over me as I felt the frigid touch of metal suddenly brush against my neck. I slowly shifted to a setting position against the wall, utterly confused at the abrupt turn of events, my drunk mind not able to keep up.
My gaze was locked into the girl before me, who then crouched to my eye level, a sadistic smile stretched across her face which made chills explode all over my body. "So, what does Mr. Hero here have to offer me?" She asked aloud in a sickly, playful tone, her previous concerned one gone altogether, leading me to quickly believe it was all an act.
My breathing hitched, instantly regretting my choice to leave behind the Master Sword back at my house. "N-Nothing! I don't have anything!" I managed to prattle out.
"Oh really?" She chimed out with a giggle. "I don't believe that for one minute." Her elongated hands ran over my body, searching pockets and under my clothes, anything she could get her hands on. "Your pretty face has got to have something for me." She snarled out.
She pulled her hand away, her face twisting into a disappointed grimace, finding my words true as her search came up empty. I released a shaky breath, hoping she would leave now. To my horror, her face returned into that same sickly smile. I felt my face drain with color as a devious plan formed in her head. My world spun before me, both from the alcohol and my hitting my head. I was utterly terrified but I found I didn't have the strength to get up.
"Well, Hero, there is one thing you can offer to me," She purred, removing her blade from my neck and playfully trailing it down my chest, stopping right at my pelvic area.
I attempted to scrunch closer to the wall, catching onto what she was suggesting. "No! S-Stop it!" I yelled.
I quivered as the girl chuckled darkly, finding delight in my fear. She yanked me hard, dragging me towards her by my shirt. I protested by using my legs to kick her the best I could, realizing quickly that I didn't have any strength to put any force behind my kicks. I felt my belt being tugged off and my pants roughly shoved down to my feet in haste, despite me fighting her every step of the way. The girl now stood above me, ready to descend. I whimpered loudly in helpless fear as she forced herself on me, moaning in pleasure.
Tears raced down my cheeks, my snivels getting louder. I didn't want this. My thoughts returned back to Ashei, my fantasies shattered into a thousand broken pieces as in my own mind, I set Ashei as the one I wanted to do this with for the first time, realizing with a deep pit of sadness that that dream was cruelly ripped away from me.
I broke out into panicked sobs, which furthered into hyperventilating as I was reduced to feeling useless as the girl swayed mercilessly from the alcohol running through my veins. I stretched my arms out in an attempt to wrench her off me but finding it hard as I could not pinpoint where she was. I wanted nothing more than her off of me. I didn't want this!
"Get off of him!" I heard someone yell.
Suddenly the girl's shirt was gripped and she was yanked forcibly upwards and away from me. I stared off, in a daze as I tried to process what just happened. I heard two voices, clearly heating in some kind of argument. It went on for some time as the other, deeper voice was overpowering the girl's shrill voice, distressed.
"But he looked like he needed it," was the last thing I heard by the shriller voice before it quieted down, not before I heard I heard a voice cry out as a dull thud flesh met flesh.
I vaguely registered my pants being pulled back up as Ashei came into range.
"C'mon, let's get you home."
Ashei hoisted me up, letting my weight lean on her as we walked back to my house, my vision nothing but a blur of lights.
After some time, we arrived together at our destination. She led me to my bed, gently lowering me down to sit. She crouched before me, lowering to my eyesight, brushing my unkempt bangs out of my eyes. "You need to get a hold of yourself, Link. You're a mess." She said firmly. She remained still for a while, patiently waiting for a response from me. I felt her finger tuck under my chin after a moment, gently lifting my head up to meet her gaze as her warm, callused fingers entangle into my own, squeezing tight. After a long pause, she spoke again, her tone gentler. "Despite how you feel inside, you are the strongest person I've ever known. You are my hero." When nothing came after, she sighed, dejected. With a tender kiss planted on my forehead in finality, she made her way out.
A few more minutes passed as I felt the silent, cold darkness of my house envelope me, welcoming it. I laid back on my bed, kicking my knees deep into my chest.
My lip trembled, and with a sharp inhale, I felt the tears cascade down my cheeks, unable to bite them back anymore. My mind raked over the events of tonight's events, which suddenly came in full, harsh clarity. I cried out loudly, the feelings of embarrassment and shame suffocating me and picking me apart relentlessly.
My chest shuddered heavily, my cries developing into deep, wrenching wails that left me barely able to recover my breath as my thoughts turned to my life in general. The wall that I built inside myself to hold back all my mounting sorrow broke through all at once, curling my body further into itself, gripping my knees as if it was my only anchor back to the surface as I helplessly drowned. The result of years of raw anger, resentment and frustration building all came out at once, reminding me how painfully trapped I felt in the role of the hero which slowly but surely chipped away at my stoicism. My breathing hitched, sending me into a new wave of loud howls as the constant feeling of being smothered and claustrophobic that followed me in every waking moment flared to new, unimaginable heights, leaving me desperate to do anything to ease my pain as I faced it all over and over again.
I remained like that for what felt like eternity until there was nothing left to give. My wracked body slowed as the loud sobs died into small sniffles, my cheeks sore and raw as I was overcome with a sudden heaviness, giving into it with no hesitation as my world slipped to black.
A/N: So, I was a little nervous about uploading this chapter due to its explicit content. This chapter is one of the few in this fic that deem it's M rating. I'm really sorry for that one part, I still feel uncomfortable knowing it's there, but I promise that scene was definitely written with a purpose as a way to show Link's emotional wounds and how broken inside he is, falling deeper into the black. I tried to approach it as gently and briefly as possible to avoid triggering others.
This chapter is a really bleak and depressing one for our poor hero (I seem to keep putting him in terrible situations), but I always think it's interesting to explore sides of Link that we never get to see within the games.
There is a little light at the end of the tunnel with some Ashink fluff, though. Do you think Ashei reciprocates Link's feelings? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z!
On another note, updates might be a bit slower currently for the next chapters. My life has turned upside down as of late and I haven't worked on this story in about 3 weeks now, so I got to kick my butt back in gear.
As always, much love for any support and any responses I may receive! I deeply appreciate it all!