Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 13
RATED TV-14
This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.
Brunch of Disgustingness II
WARNING: This episode contains lots of puking.
(Recap)
Chris: Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, everyone was balling about in our first annual Total Drama Kobe Bryant memorial basketball challenge. There were gnarly crossovers, high flying dunks, and a lot of trash talk! Heh heh heh! The Black Mamba would be so proud to know that the greatest game show around utilized his legendary mamba mentality to play an outstanding game. Just when it looked like it was over for the Heroes, they mounted an epic comeback which led to a legendary game winning shot by Lindsay, saving her team! And the Villains said goodbye to Scarlett, who hopefully has learned her lesson to not hijack an entire island and demand the prize money while using deadly force. Only 13 players are left, who will win? Who will lose? What other surprises are lingering out there? Find out right now on tonight's episode of...TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
(Theme song)
Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine
You guys are on my mind
You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous!
I wanna live close to the sun
Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won
Everything to prove nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
'Cause I wanna be famous!
Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!
(Whistling)
(the following morning, everyone is just waking up. Suddenly, Chris makes an announcement on the loudspeaker)
Chris: (loudspeaker) Good morning campers! Everyone meet me in the mess hall in 10 minutes! It's almost challenge time!
Lightning: Now? But Lightning hasn't had his breakfast! Or his DPA!
Duncan: What?
Lightning: Daily Protein Allotment! Duh!
(everyone enters the mess hall where Chris and Chef are waiting. They all sit at the 2 tables with their teams)
Brick: Permission to speak, where is breakfast?
Chris: Don't worry, there will be plenty of grub later on! (he and Chef chuckle)
Courtney: (stern) Care to tell us why you're so giggly today? (Chris and Chef keep chuckling)
Alejandro: Spit it out dammit!
Chris: Fine! Now pay attention campers, I have a very important announcement.
Scott: (sings/teasing) Announcements, announcements, ANNOUNCEMENTS! When you're up, you're up! When you're down, you're down! But when you're only halfway up, you're neither up or down! Announcements, announcements, ANNOUNCEMENTS! Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb! Mary had a little lamb and threw it out the window! The window! The second story window! With a heave and a ho and a mighty throw, she threw it out the window! Announcements, announcements, ANNOUNCEMENTS! Here comes Peter Cottontail, hoppin' down the bunny trail! BOOM! He's dead! I shot him in the head!
(Courtney can't help but giggle. Lindsay laughs. Everyone else is confused)
Courtney: (confessional) Okay, that was kinda funny. (giggles) (pause) (she bursts out laughing) Oh Scott!
Chris: (impatient) Are you finished, Scott?
Scott: Yeah.
Chris: Good. Now, there are only 13 of you left on Total Drama All-Stars. Which means as of right now, the teams are officially disbanded! Welcome to the merge! (everyone cheers!)
Brick: (confessional) Yes! I did not reach the merge in season 4, but this year is my year! I can feel it deep in my bones!
Sky: (confessional) Awesome! I made it to the merge again! Get ready for the first 2 time million dollar champion!
Mal: (confessional) Oh, this game just got a whole lot easier. Now that the teams are no more, I can focus on getting rid of everyone! And Zoey is the first to go! (laughs evilly)
Zoey: (confessional) Meh, whatever. I don't care about the money. All I care about is defeating Mal and saving Mike. I'll take my boyfriend over a million dollars anytime.
Chris: Every challenge from now on will be individual challenges until there's only 1 person left.
Chef: Every slime bucket for themselves!
Chris: Pretty much.
Zoey: (determined) Fine by me! Bring it on!
Chris: Then get ready for this!
Chef: Last time on the After-show, they had the second annual second chance challenge, and now the 2 winners have won spots in the game. (everyone gasps!)
Chris: Yes, you heard him right! He said 2! First up, from Pahkitew Island, one half of the famous reality show twins, it's Samey!
(Sammy enters the mess hall and smiles shyly. Jasmine and Sky are happy to see her)
Sammy: (shy) Uh, hi.
Jasmine: G'day Samey! Nice to see you again!
Sky: Hi Samey!
Sammy: Sky! Jasmine! (they take turns hugging Sammy)
Brick: (salutes) Welcome to the game, ma'am! Brick McArthur, at your service.
Sammy: (blushes) Oh, thank you.
Chris: And now, our second winner, from our original cast, went from number 8 to number 1 on the RCMP's most wanted, it's Izzy! (everyone gasps! Izzy hand springs into the mess hall with joy!)
Izzy: Hi everyone! Hi! It's great to be back again! (just as she entered the room, Alejandro is in disbelief!)
Alejandro: (confessional/angry) ¡Maldita sea! ¡No puedo creer esto! ¿Qué está haciendo esa (censored) aquí? (censored) ¡Qué estupido idiota! (censored) ¡Incompetente! (censored) (censored) (censored)!
Lindsay: Hi Izzy!
Izzy: Hi Lindsay! (they hug) Oh my gosh! Hi Al! (Alejandro is annoyed and his eye is twitching)
Alejandro: (annoyed) Hola.
Izzy: (playfully boops his nose/laughs) You're silly! (Alejandro growls)
Geoff: (to Izzy) So, Izzy, you made it here without the police chasing you?
Izzy: Actually, I did! The RCMP was everywhere! Squad cars, helicopters, canine teams, the whole 9 yards! But I was too smart and too fast for them to capture me! (laughs) Oh my gosh, the funniest thing happened! I stopped at a farmer's market on the way here and grabbed a banana! After I ate it, I dropped the peel on the ground and one cop slipped on the peel! And the rest of the cops piled up on top of him! (laughs) It was so funny! I was laughing so hard, you have no idea! (laughs harder) So, how are you guys doing?
Duncan: (confessional) A banana peel, eh? Wish I had thought of that when I ran from the popo!
Chris: AND, intros are over. Today's challenge is going to really come down to desire. How much, how long, and how hard you'll be able to go in order to win. Now, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, this is a reward challenge. So there will be no elimination tonight! (everyone cheers) And on top of that, as a mini reward for making it to the merge, there will be no Boney Island for any of you tonight! (everyone cheers) Now, the bad news is, that this challenge is a nod to the Brunch of Disgustingness from season 1, and the Chinese lesson challenge from season 3. (everyone gasps!)
Gwen: (confessional) Uh oh.
Courtney: (confessional) Gross eating? Pffft. I can handle it. I have a strong stomach. A VERY strong stomach.
Alejandro: (confessional) I've always dreaded eating challenges. At least there is no elimination, so I mustn't worry too much.
Jasmine: (confessional) If we have to eat those repulsive chunks again, I don't know what I'll do!
Chris: Here's how the challenge works. You have to eat each dish of food in order to stay in the game. You will not know if the next dish is nastier than the last, not as nasty, or just as nasty! Just that it will likely be...nasty!
Chef: The dirtbag who can stay in the game the longest wins a night at the spa hotel with one player of their choice. And...
Chris: They will be given medicine to help them recover from anything they may have caught while participating. Now, if you're the last person to finish a dish or if you puke, you're out.
Mal: (confessional) Hmm. Sabotaging these peons in an eating challenge is going to be tough. And Mike's personalities will be of no use to me. Svetlana is a vegetarian, Vito is a carnivore, Manitoba despises carbohydrates, and Chester would gripe about there being too much sauce and condiments. What a whiner.
(in Mike's subconscious, Mike, Chester and Svetlana are walking along the vast and flat brainy landscape towards Mal's HQ tower)
Mike: I think Mal is weakening.
Chester: Ehh, so am I. I gotta sit down.
Svetlana: Sitting is for after Mal meets his demise!
Chester: (sarcastic) Who asked ya, COMRADE? (Svetlana blows a raspberry at him)
(they come to a stage with a curtain)
Mike: A stage? What the hell?
Vito: Finally! An audience! (as the curtains open, Vito is chained to a Boulder and has a Mal puppet named Dominic) Yo Dominic! I hear your dog has no nose! How does he smell?
Dominic: Terrible! (Ba dum tss)
Chester: (laughs) Classic! Give him a nickel!
Vito: I got another one! What animal can jump higher than a house?
Dominic: Any animal! A house can't jump! You idiot! (Ba dum tss)
(Chester laughs)
Chester: Give him another nickel!
Vito: Okay okay! I got one more! What kind of animal should you never play cards with?
Dominic: A cheetah! (Ba dum tss)
Chester: (laughs) That's too clever! 3 nickels!
Mike: (rolls his eyes) Very funny. Come on Vito, ditch the puppet and let's move! We need you if we're going to beat Mal! (Vito takes a sip of water)
Dominic: Defeat Mal? Impossible! (Vito spits out his water! He is shocked!)
Chester: Whoa, Vito is a ventriloquist! Who knew? Are you sure you're not Jeff Dunham?
Vito: Uh, that wasn't me.
Mike: Then who?
Dominic: (now possessed by Mal) Me! (he laughs evilly and Mike and the others are in shock!) You'll never beat me! (Mike grabs the puppet and smashes him against the Boulder) Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! (the chain breaks, and Vito is free!)
Mike: There you go Vito! Now come on! We gotta move! (he sets off for Mal's HQ with Chester and Svetlana)
Vito: Sure! Hey fellas, wait up for me! (he follows them)
(everyone is seated at the 2 tables. The guys on one table, the girls on the other)
Courtney: (smug) It's in the bag!
Geoff: It's cool! I can scarf most things! But you haven't seen my bud Brody!
Chris: Okay, get ready for course number 1! (Chef serves everyone the first dish, donkey meat)
Duncan: Hey, that's...
Chris: Yep, it's donkey meat!
Chef: A Chinese delicacy.
(Most of the players gag, but some don't)
Sammy: Donkey? Blechhh!
Izzy: Aw, it's not that bad! Just close your eyes and pretend it's something else! (she eats it and swallows) See?
(Courtney eats hers easily)
Courtney: Hmph. That was nothing.
(Alejandro looks at his dish and struggles)
Duncan: Bacon double cheeseburger...(swallows)
Lightning: Ugh! Sha-nasty!
Brick: We never get served anything this disgusting back at cadets. We get REAL food.
Jasmine: Meh, I've had worse.
(everyone finishes their dish, except Alejandro)
Chris: Alejandro, looks like you're out. Hit the loser bench over there.
Alejandro: Ay carramba. (he sits out)
Chris: Okay, most of you made it through that one. Impressive! Time for the next course! Pizza!
(Most of the players are excited, but others aren't fooled)
Chef: With tangy jellyfish sauce, live grasshoppers, and live anchovies!
Lightning: Sha-what? (confessional) Congratulations Chris! You ruined pizza! First the Hawaiians, and now you!
Lindsay: (confessional) I remember what Bridgette showed me last time. It helped me out a lot.
(Lindsay sits on the table and meditates as she eats her slice of pizza)
Sammy: Hey, cool! You didn't even gag!
Lindsay: It's a little thing called yogic meditation! Wanna try?
Sammy: Sure! (she meditates too and eats her slice of pizza no problem)
Lindsay: Yay! You did it!
Sammy: I did! Yay! (they hug)
Zoey: Big whoop. I've seen nastier things from men's pits. (she eats her slice easily) Yawn. You could have put in a little more effort. (Chef facepalms)
(the guys are easily eating their pizza. Brick and Lightning are having a hard time. Finally, Lightning eats his slice of pizza)
Chris: Sorry Brick, you're out. Loser bench.
Brick: (sighs) Mission failed. (Sky feels sorry for Brick as he takes a seat next to Alejandro. Sky comes over)
Sky: (comforting) It's okay. You did your best. (she hugs him)
Brick: Thanks.
Chris: 2 meals down, 13 players to go!
Chef: May I?
Chris: Sure, go ahead.
Chef: Who's got guts of steel and who's gonna blast a Barf bomb? It's a throw up throw down when we return, to TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!
Chris: Impressive! You're catching on dude!
(commercial break)
Chef: It's about time I got more camera time around here! I didn't get any last season!
Chris: That wasn't my fault! Go complain to the network. Hell, you can sue if you'd like.
Chef: That or I could start my own cooking show!
Chris: I know before you were trying to steal my job in season 2, but you've worked your way up to worthy hosting status!
Duncan: Uh, guys? Hate to interrupt your little guy chat, but some of us are trying to win a hotel check in over here?
Chris: Oh, right! Bring on the 3rd course!
Chef: It's spaghetti! Except it's actually earthworms covered with snail slime sauce and hairballs. It's my own signature recipe. Zoey: (disgusted) Uh, ya don't say!
Sky: (confessional) Okay, that is so gross! But if I can eat an entire cup of rotten food that's been expired for 40 years, I think I can handle it. After all, I have really strong abs and a strong diaphragm. You saw how powerful my belches are!
Courtney: (confessional) Please. I ate Chinese delicacies while keeping my lunch down. For a long time.
(the guys strap on blindfolds and plug their noses)
Geoff: (confessional) The blindfolds totally worked with the worms last time. We figured we'd try it again to not spew everywhere.
(Sammy is struggling)
Sammy: (gags) Ehh, I can't do this!
Lindsay: Here, let's meditate again! (they meditate again, and they eat the worms, but they both gag) Where am I?
Sammy: (confused) Uh, what?
(Chef rolls his eyes)
Chef: Ugh.
Scott: This is a cinch. If I can eat dirt back on the farm, I can stomach earthworm spaghetti.
(everyone else eats the worm spaghetti, but Sammy just couldn't keep her lunch down. She pukes!)
Chris: And down goes Samey. Hit the bench. (she takes a seat with Alejandro and Brick)
Sammy: (confessional) I just can't eat something so revolting! It's...it's...oh no...(she pukes all over the confessional!)
Chris: Okay, on to course number 4! (everyone is served some kind of brown sludge)
Sky: Yuck! What is it?
Chris: This is prison food from the prison movie challenge from season 2.
(everyone gags! Lindsay takes the first bite, and she remembers how good it tasted before)
Lindsay: Wow! That's delicious! (everyone is surprised! Even Chef)
Chef: (confessional) There isn't any of DJ's spice in that recipe, is there?
Sky: How can it be?
Lindsay: Try it! It's like it was made by angels! (she chugs the whole thing)
Duncan: (sarcastic) Try a big ugly overbearing gorilla with an inferiority complex. (he laughs and Chef grabs him by the head! He holds him up high!) Hey! What are you doing?
Chef: (threatening) Nobody talks about me like that...NOBODY! Do you understand soldier?
Duncan: (sarcastic) Sure, whatever. (Chef growls) Er, I mean, yes sir! (Chef throws Duncan back in his seat with overwhelming power!)
Courtney: (confessional) Wow! Chef must be a powerlifter in his spare time! Did you see that? He threw Duncan back in his seat like he was a rag doll! Damn!
Gwen: (confessional) The only reason I didn't puke during the prison food challenge was because Lindsay projectile vomited right in my face. It was nasty. All because Beth put her nasty retainer back in her mouth, after I put it inside mine! (gags) Gross.
Lightning: I hope there's protein in here somewhere! (he takes a bite, then he gags!) Sha-(pukes)
Chris: Ooooh, Lightning is down and out! Loser bench!
Lightning: Aw come on!
Lindsay: Oh no! Tyler!
Lightning: Girl, you're talking to the Lightning!
Lindsay: Oh yeah! I keep forgetting! (laughs)
Lightning: (confessional) How can that girl be that dumb? She probably can't even remember her own name!
(everyone else barely manages to finish the prison food. Lightning takes a seat on the bench)
Chris: Okay, we got more revolting courses to go! Bon appetit!
(A montage shows the next meals. Live meal worms from China, and Lindsay gags and pukes!)
Lindsay: (confessional) That was so gross! I would not eat them on a boat, not with a goat! Not in the rain, not in the dark, not on a train! Not in a car, not in a tree! I would not eat them, you see! Not in a box, not with a fox! Not in a house, not with a mouse! I would not eat them here or there, I would not eat them anywhere! I do not like meal worms, they give me microscopic germs!
(The next meal is from Humpty Dumpty's meat shack, and Zoey pukes!)
Zoey: (confessional) I didn't make it through Chef's cooking challenge in season 4. Scott put poison ivy in my salad! Weasel!
(the next meal is Jimmy's beaks and feet. Mal doesn't even bother and he is eliminated. Followed by the petting zoo barbecue, and Geoff is eliminated)
Geoff: My bud Brody would probably make it all the way to the end. That guy is a human trash can! He'll eat anything!
(The next meal is starfish on a skewer, and Duncan is eliminated)
Duncan: I couldn't stomach that in China. It was pretty nasty.
(The next meal is French Bunion soup with hangnail crackers, and Jasmine is eliminated. She pukes!)
Jasmine: (confessional) Just...why?
(The next meal is Hawaiian Italian fusion casserole. Gwen can't eat it and she pukes! The next meal is Spoily's second hand food emporium. This time, Sky can't finish and she hits the loser bench)
Sky: (confessional) At least I didn't have to eat the juggy chunks, right?
(The next meal is Chef's Total Drama yum yum happy go time candy fish tails. Scott gives up)
Scott: (confessional) Not the worst thing I ate. But still, it was horrible. Like eating a pile of dirty socks.
(Finally, Courtney and Izzy are left. And only one meal to go)
Chris: Wow! What a day of eating, eh campers? Heh heh heh! (everyone else is feeling sick to their stomachs, even Izzy and Courtney) Well, this is it! One meal to go! Whoever wins gets to spend the night at the spa hotel! Chef, the final meal please! (the final meal is juggy chunks!)
Sky: (confessional) It sucks that I didn't win, but phew! I dodged a bullet today!
Courtney: What the hell is this?
Chef: Juggy chunks! Served during the merge challenge from last season.
Chris: Yeah, they're mostly meat, eggs and Mayo. And I kept them somewhere very warm. VERY warm. (Courtney gags)
Courtney: Okay! That was too much information!
Izzy: Ew! I'd rather have a gourmet pizza!
Courtney: Oh well, here it goes! (she starts chugging the cup of chunks, and she feels like she's going to pop. Izzy just chugs it too! They are neck and neck until...Courtney finishes hers before Izzy! The girls drop to the floor, feeling nauseous)
Chris: And Courtney wins! Congratulations!
Courtney: (sick) Awesome. (she feels rumbling in her stomach) Oh no...I don't feel very good...(she pukes everywhere! Everyone else pukes all over the place! Chef groans dreadfully knowing he has to clean it all up! Then, Chef and Chris gag too! They puke! The mess hall is a mess!)
(That night, everyone is at the campfire pit)
Chris: Courtney, you win invincibility. The spa hotel is yours along with a player of your choice.
Courtney: I choose...(everyone excitedly waits for an answer) Scott.
Scott: Alright! I mean, great choice. Heh heh heh!
Chris: And as promised, here's your medicine and antibiotics to help cure your stomach sickness you caught while participating in today's challenge!
Courtney: Thanks. Cuz I'm gonna need it. (she holds her stomach, as she still feels a little nauseous)
Chris: And no need to vote tonight campers! Tonight there is no elimination, and no exile! You're all dismissed!
Alejandro: I assume the rest of us sleep in the cabin?
Chris: Correctomundo! Remember, only winners of challenges are allowed in the spa hotel! Heh heh heh! (to the camera) And that's a wrap on the first day of the big merge! How will the players tolerate being crammed inside the cabin like sardines? What grueling disgusting foods will Chef possibly think of next?
Chef: I got many more tricks up my sleeve! Heh heh heh!
Chris: There's our answer right there! Who will be the next person to walk down this crappy dock? For real next time! Find out on an all-new episode of TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS! McLean out!
(epilogue)
(in the spa hotel, Courtney and Scott are getting settled in for the night)
Courtney: (nauseous) I might need a long break from eating after today.
Scott: I hear ya. I'm capable of eating dirt and tolerating it, but not to this degree.
Courtney: Yeah. Here, borrow some of these pills.
Scott: Thanks. (he takes some stomach medicine. He and Courtney smile at each other as they go to sleep. Later that night, a shadowy figure emerges from the water! The figure looks like a familiar contestant! The figure scurries off into the woods!)
(credits)
ELIMINATION ORDER
PRE-MERGE
24th: Sugar
23rd: Max
22nd: Jo
21st: Sierra
20th: Owen
19th: Cameron
18th: Heather
17th: Shawn
16th: Scarlett