Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten

by IceTrae31

This is my first fanfic! I wanted to rewrite Total Drama All-Stars my own way, considering all the flak it got from fans and critics. This fanfic series started development in October 2019 and was completed in January 2022. Characters from all 3 generations will compete in more episodes, more challenges, and more drama for one million dollars! Enjoy!

14. Episode 14: You Regatta be Kidding Me

Total Drama All-Stars Rewritten: Episode 14

RATED TV-14

This episode contains material that may be inappropriate for viewers under the age of 14. Viewer discretion is advised.

You Regatta be Kidding Me

(Recap)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama All-Stars, the Heroes and Villains teams were officially dissolved, meaning every challenge from here on out is every camper for themselves until there's only 2 left in the final episode. Samey from Pahkitew Island and Izzy from our original cast have joined the fray by winning the second chance challenge on the aftermath. And our challenge was decked with repulsive and disgusting meals like expired juggy chunks, live jellyfish and insect pizza, earthworm spaghetti on the menu, and a whole lot of puking all over! Glad I didn't have to clean up that mess! Heh heh heh! In the end, it was Courtney whose stomach was strongest of them all, scoring her a night in luxury. Will Samey make a name for herself on her own and step out of her sister's shadow? Will Izzy not blow anything up while she's here? And who is willing to go the extra mile to survive the grueling challenges and their desperate peers as we head into the big merge? Find out right here, right now on...TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!

(Theme song)

Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine

You guys are on my mind

You asked me what I wanted to be, now I think the answer is plain to see

I wanna be famous!

I wanna live close to the sun

Well pack your bags 'cause I've already won

Everything to prove nothing in my way

I'll get there one day

'Cause I wanna be famous!

Na, na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na, na, na-na-na-na

I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!

I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!

(Whistling)

(the next morning in the spa hotel, Courtney and Scott are waking up)

Scott: (wakes up/yawns) I wish I could stay here always! I slept on a pillow! Filled with feathers!

Courtney: (sits on Scott's bed) Yeah! They're soft beds alright!

Scott: Yeah! Back on the farm, what we used as a pillow was a burlap sack full of small animals!

Courtney: Oh my gosh! Those animals weren't alive, were they?

Scott: Nope. They were dead.

Courtney: Yuck!

Scott: Damn right yuck!

Courtney: I think if you win the money, you wouldn't have to worry about that.

Scott: Yeah.

Courtney: Hey, I've been thinking, maybe you, me, Duncan and Gwen should all go to the final 4! What do you say?

Scott: Hmm, your best friend and her boyfriend plus us two...sounds good to me! Wait...but Duncan is your ex, isn't he?

Courtney: Yes, he is my ex. Is there something wrong about that?

Scott: Wouldn't being in an alliance with your ex be...you know, awkward?

Courtney: (laughs) Oh, you silly! It won't be awkward! Duncan and I had a good talk about everything and he and I agreed to be the best of exes. (smiles)

Scott: Well then, I guess that checks out! I'm in!

Courtney: (confessional) Yes! My best friend, my best friend's boyfriend, me, and my crush all going to the final 4! (pause) Wait, did I say crush? I didn't, that wasn't...Scott and I are just friends. (she still smiles big as she thinks about him)

Scott: (confessional) Whose stupid idea was it to have a second chance challenge on the after-show anyhow? Izzy's a lunatic who's been smoking way too much devil's lettuce and Samey is too shy for me. If I was back home right now, I'd be barricading myself in the cellar with enough potatoes and toilet paper to last to the next millennium!

(in the cabin, the girls are waking up)

Sammy: Okay, these beds are worse than the ones we had in the treehouse.

Gwen: They kinda take some getting used to after a while.

Izzy: I'm so happy to be back! Everything is the same as I remember! It's just a major bummer I couldn't be here with Big O!

Jasmine: You mean Owen?

Izzy: Yeah! Owen! He's always a barrel of fun!

Lindsay: Anyone have an extra tube of lip gloss? I'm starting to run out.

Sammy: Oh, I have one. Here. (she gives Lindsay a tube)

Lindsay: Thank you Samey!

Sammy: Uh, it's Sammy.

Lindsay: Oops! Sorry! (confessional) I like the new girl! She's super cute and has an amazing sense of style! She could seriously be my next BFF!

Sammy: (confessional) Okay, that girl Lindsay with the blue eyes is really sweet! And the rest of the people here seem really nice! I hope they all like me...at least Amy's not here to be a pain in my ass anymore! This is my chance to stand on my own 2 feet and be the person I want to be! Me!

(Duncan is sitting on the porch of the cabin when Gwen comes over and sits by him)

Gwen: Hey babe.

Duncan: Hey doll face.

Gwen: (giggles) You know, it's such a relief that our whole love triangle scandal is resolved now, don't you find?

Duncan: Oh, totally. Courtney mended the bridges with me, and to have you as my woman, I wouldn't want it any other way.

Gwen: Aw, me too. (she kisses Duncan's cheek) I love it when you sweet talk to me.

Duncan: I don't sweet talk, okay?

Gwen: (teasing) Yeah, you do! (giggles) I love you Dunky!

Duncan: Ditto babe. (they kiss)

(Zoey is sitting on her bed, gathering her thoughts)

Zoey: (confessional) Maybe I have flipped the (censored) switch too far. Now the others are seeing me as a threat instead of the real threat, which is Mal. As long as I have Duncan as an ally, I shouldn't have to worry about holding onto my spot in the game by a thread. Right? Hmm, who else could I have join me in my quest?

(outside the cabin, Sky, Brick and Lightning are working out together. They are lifting and doing push-ups and sit-ups. Zoey comes over)

Zoey: Hey Sky? Could I have a word with you?

Sky: Oh, hey Zoey! Sure!

Zoey: Forgive me for interrupting, but this is serious.

Sky: No problem. What is it?

Zoey: I feel like I'm taking my commando thing over the top. Most of the others here think I'm the next to leave instead of Mal. He's the real danger.

Sky: (hugs Zoey) It's cool. You probably did what you did because you were determined and didn't want to show any weakness. But in some cases, if you appear to be scarier than whatever is scaring everyone else, that could land you on the chopping block. Savvy?

Zoey: Hmm...

Sky: You can be strong and fearless and still be you.

Zoey: (thinks for a second, then she smiles) You're right. (she takes off her bandana and wipes off her war paint from her face. She and Sky hug. Then, Zoey tells Sky all about Mike)

Sky: (confessional) I'm more than happy to help Zoey. And man, Mike is a rare case alright! And for Mal to hold him hostage in his own subconscious like that, that's dirty.

Zoey: (confessional/happy) It was sweet of Sky to help. Now that she's in the alliance, we outnumber Mal 3 to 1. And now I'm back to the way I was! But I still haven't lost sight of my goal to save Mike. He is still in grave danger! And I will rescue him if it's the last thing I do! (she steps out of the confessional feeling more confident than ever. Unknown to her, Mal was listening in on the whole thing!)

Mal: Or will you? (snickers evilly)

(Shortly after, Chris comes onto the loudspeaker and makes an announcement)

Chris: (loudspeaker) Attention campers! Please report to the front of the cabins! It's time to kick it into high gear for today's exciting challenge!

(everyone meets up with Chris)

Chris: Welcome players! You guys ready for a little fun?

Duncan: Uh oh. (confessional) When Chris says fun...

Gwen: (confessional) ...he means we're in for a heap of trouble.

Sammy: (confessional) I don't like the sound of that...(gulps nervously)

Chris: Today you guys will be embarking in a- (his cell phone rings) Oh, I have to take this. It's my stylist. (he answers his phone) Yeah, how come my socks don't match my shirt?

(Zoey rounds up her allies)

Zoey: Welcome aboard, Sky.

Sky: Sweet!

Duncan: Rad. So we're all in against Mal!

Zoey: Yep! We're doing it for Mike!

Sky: For Mike!

Duncan: Yeah, whatever. For Mike.

Sky: Huh?

Duncan: I'm not known for rescuing people. I thrive more in beating people up.

Zoey: That's fine with me. As long as Mal knows what he's up against, he stands no chance against 3 bruisers!

(they all high five as Chris hangs up the phone)

Chris: Mhm. Yeah. Guy thinks I'm colorblind. Yeah right! Anywho, this week's challenge is a regatta around the island!

Lindsay: A re-whatta?

Alejandro: A regatta is a boat race.

Lindsay: Ohhhhhh! Wait, how can a boat be made for racing?

Jasmine: Speed boats.

Lindsay: Ohhhhh!

Izzy: Yay! Fun!

Geoff: Sweet! Time for us to catch some white wash!

Chris: Yeah. Here's how this boat race works. Some of the boats are built for speed. Others won't even float in a kitty pool. They're all first come, first serve. So you should move your molasses before your opponents get the boat you want! (everyone starts to run towards the dock, but Chris stops them) Whoa! Hold your horses! I'm not done yet! (everyone comes back) Now, as I was saying, get to the boats fast so you can call dibs on the good ones. The first person to circumnavigate the entire perimeter of the island wins invincibility and a night at the spa hotel. The person who comes in last will be sent home tonight. No bonfire, no voting, no marshmallow. (everyone is nervous) But that's not all! There are some obstacles that will stand between you and the finish line. Like, crocodiles, man-eating sharks, and who knows what? (everyone is more nervous, but Izzy is excited)

Chef: Prepare to meet your DOOM!

Izzy: WOO HOO! Fun!

Jasmine: You call this fun? We're putting our lives on the line!

Izzy: That's what's fun about it! And they'll never catch me! (laughs)

Chris: So you guys got it all? Cool! Splash or crash! Cruise or bruise! Float or...WATCH OUT! Anywho...On your marks, get set, GO!

(everyone takes off running towards the dock to call dibs on the boats! Geoff and Alejandro are neck and neck!)

Geoff: Not on my watch, dude!

Alejandro: (sighs) Just another nuisance in the way. (confessional) The poor man still has not let go of what happened to Bridgette in the Yukon. What a pity.

Geoff: (confessional) I don't care how long it takes! I will avenge you Bridge! I will!

(Bridgette is watching on the Aftermath)

Bridgette: I know you will schmoopie boo! Love you! (blows a kiss)

(Courtney and Gwen are running together)

Courtney: Partners?

Gwen: Partners!

Zoey: So glad to see you guys getting along again!

Gwen: I know! Isn't it great?

Zoey: I'm so happy for you!

Courtney and Gwen: Thanks!

Duncan: (to Zoey) Need a partner?

Zoey: You bet!

Sky: I'll come too!

Chris: Hmm, we have some people teaming up, despite the whole "only one person wins" thing. Interesting, eh?

Lindsay: (to Sammy) Wanna row together, BFF?

Sammy: Sure!

Jasmine: Count me in too, mate!

Lindsay: Oh! Hi Bindi Irwin!

Jasmine: Uh, it's Jasmine.

Lindsay: Oops, sorry!

Lightning: Ain't nobody teaming up with the Lightning! Lightning is in it for the Lightning alone! Sha-BAM!

(Geoff and Alejandro are the first ones to the boats. They start them up and speed away! Courtney and Gwen pair up on a boat and they speed away too!)

Mal: (confessional) A regatta sounds entertaining indeed. For a normal competition anyway. But normal is too boring for me. It's time for some sabotage.

(Mal reaches the boats and starts breaking them and damaging them before taking one for himself!)

Zoey: Hey you! I saw that, you twit!

Mal: It's getting hard to see you back there! (he laughs evilly as he speeds away!)

Zoey: Dammit! There! Take that one! (she, Duncan and Sky hop in another boat and try to start it, but it sinks!)

Duncan: Okay, that was a bust.

Sky: Looks like we have no choice, but the raft! (they hop on and Scott joins them)

Zoey: Scott?

Duncan: What are you doing here bro?

Scott: Thought I'd come along for the ride! 4 heads are better than 3!

Sky: Uh, okay then.

Zoey: (points ahead to Mal) There he goes! Come on! After him! (they start paddling as hard as they can. Lindsay, Sammy and Jasmine arrive and take a boat)

Jasmine: Full speed ahead mate!

Lindsay: (confused) How do you start the boat again?

Sammy: Here, like this. (she starts the boat and they set off)

Lightning: Lightning strikes! (before he can take a boat, Izzy jumps onto his shoulders!) What the...?

Izzy: WOO HOO! Let's ride!

Lightning: Crazy girl? How did you get here?

Izzy: Vroom! Vroom! (she starts the boat and they speed away after the others! Brick arrives and takes a boat)

Brick: Permission to commandeer this vessel, sir! (he speeds after the others)

(out in front, Alejandro and Geoff are neck and neck and ramming each other's boats! Suddenly, Alejandro's boat comes to a complete stop!)

Alejandro: Ay carramba! (he tries to start it again, but fails) Come on, come on!

Geoff: (laughs smugly) Adios, amigo! (he speeds ahead) Ha! So much for him!

Chris: And Geoff has now taken the lead!

Geoff: WOO HOO!

Chris: But beware of coconut alley!

Geoff: Coconut alley? What? (from a hovering hot air balloon, Chef drops coconuts down to him! Geoff swerves out of the way and speeds ahead! Coming up behind, is Courtney and Gwen! Chef drops the coconuts from above!)

Courtney: (looks up) Gwen! Look out! (the coconuts crack their windshield! One hits Courtney on the head! She almost falls overboard but Gwen saves her!)

Gwen: Courtney! Hang on! I got you! (she pulls her friend back into the boat)

Courtney: Phew! Thanks Gwen! That was a close one!

Gwen: Anytime!

Chris: (radios to Chef) Is that the best you can do?

Chef: (radios back) No. But you'll see in a minute. (chuckles evilly)

(meanwhile, Alejandro is trying to repair his busted motor when Lightning and Izzy pass him)

Lightning: Sha-bye-bye, sucker! Ha ha ha!

Izzy: Oh oh oh! That's Al! Hi Al!

Lightning: Girl, you're crazy!

Izzy: Nah, I'm psychotic! (laughs)

(Lindsay, Sammy and Jasmine pass Alejandro)

Chris: Alejandro, dropping behind!

(as Jasmine drives the boat, Lindsay looks at the controls)

Lindsay: (scratching her head) You know, this would be a lot easier if it were scratch n' sniff.

(Jasmine and Sammy look at each other like, what?)

(Zoey, Duncan, Scott and Sky row up behind Alejandro)

Duncan: (smug) Boat trouble, Alejandro?

Alejandro: Not anymore! (he speeds away, splashing them!) Hasta luego!

Sky: If only we had a motor or something similar to propel us forward at high speed!

Duncan: (gets an idea) Light bulb! (he pushes Scott into the water)

Scott: Hey! What's the big idea?

Duncan: All part of the plan, sharkbait! Hoo ha ha!

Scott: What? Oh no! OH NO! OH NO NO NO NO NO NO! (Fang is approaching!) AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sky: Duncan! Are you crazy?

Duncan: Nah, I'm b-b-b-b-b-bad to the bone! (laughs)

Zoey: (confessional) To be fair, Scott was an asshole in season 4. So, I'm okay with this. As long as Mal is our main target.

Chris: And everyone is still strong! Can they keep fighting? Or will some obliterating surprises blow them out of the water? Stay tuned, there's more waves to catch after this break.

(Commercial break)

(Scott is tied to a pole and used as live bait!)

Duncan: Here sharky sharky! (laughs evilly)

Scott: When I bust out of here, I will most surely lodge a complaint at city hall!

Duncan: (smug) Yeah, good luck with that. Sky, tie this to the pole!

Sky: (ties a lasso to the pole) I don't like this! Not one bit!

Duncan: Trust the process! (Fang is now in the lasso and tries to bite Scott, like a horse being tempted with a carrot! They go really fast! Scott panics!)

Scott: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Duncan: (chanting) Ha hu wa hee ha ho ho ho! Ha hu wa hee ha ho ho ho! Ha hu wa hee ha ho ho ho! Ha hu wa hee ha ho ho ho!

Sky: Is that really necessary?

Zoey: Hang in there Scott! You're doing great!

Sky: (confessional) I'm not sure if I approve of Duncan's antics. I mean, the guy is a criminal. But if Zoey says he's the guy to help beat Mal, then I trust her.

Zoey: (confessional) Duncan might be taking the sharkbait thing a little too far. I mean, that tribal chant? (shudders) That's unsettling.

(Brick is speeding up from behind the pack, and he moves up a few spots! Lindsay, Sammy and Jasmine are barely ahead of him as Chef drops coconuts down on them!)

Jasmine: Heads up! (they dodge the coconuts and Chef growls)

Lindsay: (points up to him) Look! Up in the sky! It's a complete maniac!

Jasmine: Go go go! (they go faster to evade Chef)

(Gwen and Courtney are going fast when Chef drops a stick of dynamite down on them)

Gwen: Uh oh! (the dynamite explodes, and their motor is busted!)

Courtney: (censored)!

Gwen: Our motor! Ugh! The insurance company is never gonna go for that one!

Chef: (shouts down to them) Reset your boat so I can do that again! (laughs)

Gwen: Drop dead, King Kong! (Courtney is trying to fix the motor, but it's no good!)

Courtney: Come on, come on!

Gwen: Leave it to me! (she grabs an oar and gets rowing)

Courtney: Phew! Good thinking!

(Lightning and Izzy are speeding along fast when Chef drops dynamite down to them)

Lightning: Crazy girl! Look out!

Izzy: Ooooh, dynamite! (evilly) BOOM BOOM!

Lightning: No! (he grabs the dynamite and throws it underwater! It blows up in the water)

Chef: (confessional) How did they do that so quickly? (growls) I'll get you next time!

(Chef drops dynamite down to Mal, but he catches it and throws it back at him! His balloon blows up and he crashes into the water!)

Chris: Looks like someone has quick reflexes, eh? Heh heh heh! (Chef growls as he is all wet)

(Geoff is out in front, enjoying himself)

Geoff: WOO HOO! Riding the waves yo!

(suddenly, he approaches crocodiles!)

Geoff: Whoa! Crocs! TURBO BOOST! (he cranks his boat to full throttle and speeds through the crocs unscathed, as Brick is coming up behind)

Brick: Code red! Reptiles at 12 o'clock! (the crocodiles jump out of the water to attack, but Brick is swinging his fists and his boots at them to defend himself! He makes it through)

(Lindsay, Jasmine and Sammy are going really fast until...THUD! They get stuck!)

Sammy: Hey, what just happened?

Jasmine: I think we caught on something! Now what are we gonna do?

Lindsay: (raises her hand happily) Oh! Oh! I know! Notice the tranquil, harmony of the flowing water as it-

Jasmine: (interrupting) As it flows right by us because we're jammed! Lodged! Snagged! As in, NOT MOVING! Sheesh!

Sammy: I have an idea! Maybe we could rock the boat by running back and forth! We can throw our weight around! You know, to shift the boat!

Jasmine: Good idea! Let's try it! (they rock the boat and it works! They get free) It worked! Samey, you're a genius!

Sammy: (bashful) Awww! (suddenly, they hear a growl)

Lindsay: I think these might be alligator infested waters!

Jasmine: Don't be silly! Alligators are indigenous to the humid, mucky swamps of Florida. Now, these tributaries must be home to- (crocodiles jump and thrash all around them!)

Lindsay: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Sammy: CROCODILES!

Lindsay: Get us out of here!

Jasmine: On it! (she speeds them away from the crocs!)

(With Duncan, Zoey, Sky and Scott on the raft, Duncan is still chanting the tribal chant)

Duncan: (chanting) Ha hu wa hee ha ho ho ho! Ha hu wa hee ha ho ho ho! Ha hu wa hee ha ho ho ho! Ha hu wa hee ha ho ho ho!

Scott: (panicking) YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, YA HEAR ME?!

Zoey: It'll be okay Scott! You're doing great!

Sky: Can you see Mal?

Zoey: No! He's too far ahead! (however, she spots another boat ahead! It's Alejandro!)

Sky: Look! I see something! It's another boat! Who could it be?

Zoey: It's Alejandro!

(Alejandro looks behind him and sees the raft speeding towards him!)

Alejandro: Hmm. Not bad, amigos. But not good enough to beat me! Adios! (he pushes his boat to full throttle and speeds ahead! Then, they see something green in the water!)

Sky: Uh oh!

Zoey: What?

Sky: We got company! (Crocodiles leap out of the water all around them! They duck left and right to avoid the crocs!)

Zoey: (angry/grabs a croc by the tail) NO! I DIDN'T MAKE IT THIS FAR IN THE GAME TO BE BREAKFAST! (she fights the crocs as they speed through! Meanwhile, Courtney and Gwen are far behind. Gwen is getting tired and Courtney is still trying to get their boat working again)

Courtney: Come on you piece of crap! Start! Start!

Gwen: (tired) I can't do this anymore. My arms hurt.

Courtney: Then let's switch! (the girls switch places. Gwen tries to repair the boat and Courtney rows)

(Lightning and Izzy are going smoothly until their engine dies!)

Lightning: What the hell? Come on boat! Don't quit on the Lightning! Quitting is for quitters!

Izzy: Oh oh oh oh! I know!

Lightning: Don't even think about it girl!

(Izzy pulls out a lit bomb)

Lightning: AAAHHHHH! (he grabs it and throws it far ahead like a football! It lands right on Mal's boat!)

Mal: Huh? (KA-BOOM! It blows up, and Mal's boat is busted! He growls viciously)

Izzy: I think we slowed down the competition! WOO HOO! High five!

(Lightning is uncomfortable)

Lightning: (confessional) What is this girl smoking?

(As Mal's boat is crapped out, more boats pass him! Including Alejandro, Brick, Team Lindsay, and the raft!)

Mal: No! It will not be me who is bested by a bunch of morons! GRRRR! (he tries to repair his boat, but it doesn't work!)

Sky: Hey! That was Mal back there!

Zoey: Ha! Hasta la vista, jerk!

(as Geoff spots the finish line, Alejandro appears alongside him!)

Geoff and Alejandro: YOU!

Geoff: Oh no you don't, Al!

Alejandro: Try me! (they ram into each other repeatedly as Chris and Chef are at the dock, on pins and needles to see who will win!)

Chris: Man, can you sense the anticipation?

Chef: Oh, I sense it alright.

Geoff: (to Alejandro) You're not gonna win, bro!

Alejandro: Hmph. Your skill does not match your fortitude. (he goes faster and crosses the finish line first! Geoff takes second)

Chris: Ooooh, what a close finish! But Alejandro takes first! And Geoff comes in second!

Geoff: (confessional) Crap! I didn't beat Al, but at least I'm safe from elimination tonight. So I stay another day Yo! WOO!

(Brick is approaching the finish line!)

Brick: Final stretch dead ahead! (he crosses the finish line)

Chris: And Brick comes in third!

(just when all seemed lost for Courtney and Gwen, their motor starts working again!)

Courtney: Phew! We're back in the game!

Gwen: Awesome! Let's motor!

(As Lindsay, Jasmine and Sammy approach the finish line, their boat stalls!)

Lindsay: Uh oh!

Sammy: What now? Jasmine, do something!

Jasmine: I am! Lindsay, hit the emergency button!

Lindsay: (confused) How do you spell it again?

Jasmine: UGH! Just push something!

Lindsay: Ooooh, how about this red one?

Jasmine: No! Not that! (she presses the red button! Their boat goes at maximum speed! The girls hang on for dear life! They cross the finish line, but they don't stop!)

Chris: And Jasmine, Lindsay and Samey tie for 4th! And it looks like they have a problem! (They are still going around the island at very high speed!)

Lindsay, Jasmine and Sammy: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (suddenly, their boat lifts off out of the water and onto the dry land! It skids across the dirt and grass all the way up to the top of the diving cliff before coming to a complete stop!)

Jasmine: Phew! Is everyone okay?

Sammy: That was so scary!

Lindsay: I nearly pissed myself! (Looks around) Hey! You can see the whole island from here! (suddenly, their boat starts to tip over!)

Sammy: Oh no!

Jasmine: Hold on!

(their boat falls off the cliff!)

All: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Lindsay: MOMMY!

(SPLASH! The boat lands HARD in the water and it breaks apart on impact! Luckily, the 3 girls are alright!)

Jasmine: Lindsay? Samey? Are you okay?

Lindsay: That was totally scary! I saw my life flash before my eyes! It looked like the lake!

Sammy: I swear I'll never ride another boat again! (Jasmine carries them ashore to safety)

Chris: (looking through his binoculars) They're alright! They're alright!

(Duncan, Zoey, Sky and Scott are on their way to the finish line when Mal pulls up alongside them!)

Mal: How cute. Live bait.

Zoey: How did you catch up that fast?

Mal: (smug) Something you'll never amount to.

(Zoey gets angry! She lunges across onto Mal's boat and tackles him!)

Mal: You needn't mess with me, for you toy with death.

Zoey: (intimidating) Then let's play!

(They wrestle as Mal's boat slows down because he is not driving! The raft speeds ahead!)

Sky: Zoey! Duncan! We have to help her!

Duncan: I think we'd just be in the way.

Sky: (nervous) Whatever you say.

(Scott is still panicking)

Scott: TOO CLOSE!

(Courtney and Gwen pass them)

Gwen: Hi Duncan! Bye Duncan! (blows a playful raspberry)

Duncan: (playful) I'm coming for you next, sweetheart!

(the finish line is ahead)

Gwen: There it is!

(they cross the finish line)

Chris: And Courtney and Gwen take 5th!

Courtney and Gwen: WOO HOO!

(Lightning and Izzy pass the raft and close in on the finish line!)

Lightning: The finish line!

Izzy: Cool! How about we get some lemonade there? But, this is okay too.

(they finish)

Chris: And Lightning and Izzy are 6th!

Lightning: Sha-WHAT?! 6th?! Lightning needs to be first!

Chris: Tell that to Alejandro. Heh heh heh!

Lightning: (confessional) Lightning will win next time! Lightning swears it!

(as the raft gets closer to the finish line, Duncan and Sky can't hold Scott up anymore! Fang bites Scott in the butt and drags him under! Scott shoots out of the water terrified!)

Scott: (confessional/trembling with fear) Never ever make enemies with a critter who has more teeth than your whole family combined! NEVER!

(Scott lands on the raft and glares at Duncan)

Scott: LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT! (he shoves Duncan off the raft and into the water!) Sharkbait, hoo ha ha! Ha hu wa hee ha ho ho ho! Ha hu wa hee ha ho ho ho! (Fang refuses to eat Duncan and swims away) Seriously? Ugh! Guess he doesn't eat jewelry. Keep paddling!

(meanwhile, Zoey and Mal are still fighting with each other! Mal's boat is slowing down until it stops! Giving the rafters a chance to cross the finish line!)

Chris: And Sky, Duncan, and Scott take 7th! Now it's down to Mal and Zoey!

(Mal realizes his boat stopped! He reaches for the controls, but Zoey stops him!)

Zoey: (struggling) Oh no you don't! Get over here!

Mal: (struggling) Unhand me this instant!

Zoey: (struggling) Never! (Mal starts the boat again and it moves towards the finish line!)

Mal: Fine! Then have a nice swim! (he shoves Zoey off his boat and into the water! Before Zoey could react, it was too late! Mal had crossed the finish line!)

Chris: And Mal comes in 8th! And Zoey comes in last! Which means, it's dock of shame time, baby!

Zoey: NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(Mal grimaces evilly)

Mal: (confessional) Too easy.

Sky: Oh no! Zoey!

Duncan: No!

Chris: As the winner of today's challenge, Alejandro wins invincibility and a night at the spa hotel with one person of his choice.

Alejandro: As much as I would love to bring you all, I cannot play favorites and break all of your hearts.

Chris: Meaning?

Alejandro: I'm going it alone.

Chris: Suit yourself. The spa hotel is yours.

Alejandro: Gracías.

(Geoff glares at him)

(that evening, Zoey is walking the dock of shame and saying goodbye to everyone)

Zoey: Bye everyone! Take care! (Brick salutes and she salutes back. She gives Brick a big hug)

Gwen: Sorry you lost Zoey.

Zoey: It's okay. I know we didn't hang out much, but you're amazing Gwen. I'll miss you! (she hugs Gwen)

Gwen: (hugs her back) Me too.

Courtney: It's been fun Zoey.

Zoey: Thanks Courtney. See you at the finale!

(Zoey hugs Sky)

Sky: You played an amazing game Zoey.

Zoey: You too! Take care Sky!

Duncan: Later toots.

(Zoey gives Duncan the biggest hug of all)

Duncan: (choking) Zoey...choking...not breathing!

Zoey: (hugging) Awww, I think I'm gonna miss you the most! (she kisses him on the cheek! Duncan is shocked!) Kick Mal's ass for me!

(Duncan is speechless from her kiss!)

Zoey: (to Mal) I hope you get everything your karma owes you, you weasel!

Mal: Hmph. Your little commando stunt only evoked pity, not fear.

(Zoey growls viciously! Then, she looks deep into Mal's eyes)

Zoey: Mike! I know you're in there! I may be eliminated, but we won't give up on you! You'll be free of his malice!

Mal: (evilly) We? Is your mother joining us? (Without another word, Zoey punches him in the face HARD!)

Zoey: f-(censored) you, Mal. Wow, that felt good. Okay, I'm ready. (she boards the boat of losers and sails away into the sunset. Everyone waves goodbye to her)

Chris: Now, before we wrap up, who will be heading to exile?

Alejandro: Izzy.

Everyone: Definitely.

Izzy: Ooooh, sounds fun!

Chris: Chef, take her to the island.

Izzy: You'll have to catch me first! (she laughs and runs away! Chef chases her in circles!)

Chris: And in a stunning turn of events, Zoey is gone! How will Mike be rescued without the aid of his girl? Who will walk the dock of shame next? Find out next time right here on...TOTAL! DRAMA! ALL-STARS!

(credits)

ELIMINATION ORDER

PRE-MERGE

24th: Sugar

23rd: Max

22nd: Jo

21st: Sierra

20th: Owen

19th: Cameron

18th: Heather

17th: Shawn

16th: Scarlett

POST-MERGE

15th: Zoey