I do not own Once Upon a Time

Chapter 20 Present Realities

They had found a secluded area, not that they really needed to, the beach itself was almost completely devoid of people. They had rented out the entire ensemble, and Rowland had spared no expense to make their stay comfortable. He had worried that he wouldn't be able to keep up with her and her desire to take in every sight of their surroundings, but Belle had assured him that just being there was an adventure in and of itself.

Trains were all the rage, and quite convenient too, but trains meant people, and Rowland wanted to see such people as little as possible. So they had taken their own carriage filled with their own comforts from home, and had set out on the trip that would take some hours. Belle had worried for Rowland, and it was true his leg was stiff-he had almost fallen from the steps, attempting to get down. He cursed, to Belle's raised eyebrows, though she said nothing when he was in such pain. He then lamented that he could not be a proper gentleman when it came time for Belle to descend as he was gathering himself on her turn.

Rowland had rented an entire home for the couple of weeks they were there, and had insisted on only a couple of servants to do any attending. Now, after an entire morning of rest, she had been allowed to be leaned on, and he limped heavily to the rugged area that would be their spot for the rest of the day. A large umbrella kept them mostly out of the sun, and two heavy wooden chairs with striped cloth seats were set up for them.

Belle looked over at him, her book not yet needed, as she was taking in all the sounds and smells of the sea, and watching with curiosity the handful of people there. It being so close to autumn and nearly being too cold for their excursion, dampened the normal throng of visitors, much to Rowland's satisfaction, but there was the occasional walker, and Belle enjoyed looking on immensely. When she looked over at him, he was actually staring at her. He wanted to look away at first but then smirked.

'What are you looking at, Rowland?' Belle seemed curiously amused.

'At your hat, dearest, it's as big as you are.' He reached up and touched the edge of her large brimmed hat, all the fashion of a beach going lady, she would have him know.

'Is that a slight on my hat or my stature, hmmm?'

'You know I would never criticize your height…but the hat…' His playful smile had her giggling.

'You wouldn't want me to get burnt and brown, now would you? I think you'll be glad I brought the hat after all.'

'Alright then, I'm convinced.' He laughed and then diverted his eyes at last, taking in the sea.

His look got considerably more somber-something that only happened these days when he was thinking about…

'Are you thinking of Bae, now?'

'I'm sorry, I know I should be living in this moment but I was thinking of how much he would love to be here with us.'

She reached out and grasped his hand.

'I miss him too. This only means that we will have to bring him with us next time, yes?'

'Mmmm, I just know he would love it-although the only time we can bring him is summer holidays, and I don't even want to think of how many people will be here then.' he groaned.

She rubbed circles on his hand. She would not comment and tell him that he worried too much about what others thought of him-she was determined to show him instead. He had hardly left his home over the past decade, and the fact that they were sitting, in a relatively public place, staying in a house they weren't accustomed to, having traveled further than she had even hoped. He was doing so well, perhaps as the months went on he would see a little of what Belle saw in him.

The last few months had been a flurry of wonderment, busyness, and anxiousness. As much as they had enjoyed the quieter moments with each other, they also knew that they had only a couple of months before Bae would be off to school, and Heaven knew that the time would seem insurmountable before they would see him again.

She had put heart and soul into making sure that Bae would be able to communicate with them once he got to school. His penmanship had come a long way, and though tears were shed when he left, and Rowland had been a silent mourner for a while before he brought Belle into his arms so that they could sink into the horrible silence that an absent Bae represented, together-they were very happy and excited to see that first letter in Bae's scrawling print.

'Papa and Mama,

I am well. The school is very large and there are ever so many boys here. I've made friends with a few, Augustus is a big boy of eight and a half and is an entire head taller than me. He knows everything! He does get in trouble a great deal, so I shall try my best to help him. Don't worry Miss French (There was an obvious cross out here, where he hadn't wanted to get out new paper to begin again. He had been apt to call her so when they were well into their lessons) Mama I haven't gotten in trouble once! I like most of my teachers but none are as nice as Mis-Mama.

August wants to play. All my love-

Your son,

Benard Gold (Teacher says I have to sign with my real name when ending a letter. Do I really have to, Mama? You know it's Bae anyway)'

They had both laughed and cried and Christmas had never felt so far away as it had at that exact moment.

'I'm so glad you're here, Belle.'

She had pushed her chair in his study close to him and had leaned over onto his chest. She snuggled up closer at his words and hummed in reply.

'I-I don't think I could have gotten through this without you here. Bae has always been everything to me. I saw him leaving for school akin to death. I held such resentment against you when you first came and it turns out you were the greatest blessing that could have happened.'

She allowed herself to get wrapped up in his embrace.

'Mr. Jeffrey would love to hear you say that-I think he feels that our happiness was entirely his doing.'

She heard him chuckle.

'Jeffrey's head is big enough already, he doesn't need my words to make it even bigger.'

She pulled up a bit to turn and look at him.

'I've always wondered how you and he are friends. You seem so dissimilar.'

'What you mean is that he's jovial and easy going while I'm a crotchety bear.' He spoke rather seriously-but his eye sparkled.

'Now those are not the words I would use to describe you at all!'

'Use whatever words you will, that is what you would mean-it's not like I've never heard them before, you know.'

'No, not at all, and I do believe you are trying to distract me from my question. You must know I hold you in the highest esteem, my dear Rowland. I don't want you to be Mr. Jeffrey, any more than I would want him to take a more serious stance on life. His optimism is rather pleasant, if not a little unrealistic.'

'I suppose I don't see much of a slight there.' They both formed twin smirks at his words.

'And?'

'And…'

'You were going to tell me about your friendship.'

He sighed in playful resignation.

'I suppose it was one of those things of merely being in proximity together. His father was a friend of my father-though those two were even more opposites than Jeffrey and I. We played together as youth, then when we began business, our circles crossed more than once. I think I find his sheer ability to take every situation and assume it is better than it is, rather comforting. He doesn't mind my bluntness, and has never been afraid of me. I can't see why he is friends with me-he likes Bae, I suppose, but I've given you my side of things, anyway.'

'Can't you though? Can't you see what he must see?'

His forehead wrinkled.

'You have fierce, loyal love that you give to those dearest to you. To take Mr. Jeffrey with all his oddities of manner and like him despite being so different from you. You became both father and mother to Bae, and cared for him when you could have so easily left his care to others.'

'But I couldn't…'

'I know you couldn't do something like that, and that's what makes you so wonderful. Your love for Bae is so evident, and then, well, you seem to be quite fond of me, and love me quite more than I think I deserve, sometimes.'

She had leaned in close enough that he could wrap his arms around her.

'I do love you, Belle, so much-you deserve every bit of what I can give you-and moreso.' He whispered.

'Well then' she swallowed. 'I've discovered the great mystery. You like and tolerate Mr. Jeffrey because he keeps things lighthearted and doesn't shy away from telling you what he thinks. Mr. Jeffrey likes you because you are more loyal and steadfast than blood, and he dearly misses the family he lost.'

'Mmmm he does that. He was devastated at the loss of his parents. I-you know I remember him speaking of meeting your parents during that time. I had no idea who they were, and by that time, I had little care for the community, I was so deep in my own familial affairs.'

Their conversation moved into lighter topics, Belle anxious to keep his mind on more pleasant things. She also made sure to pen a letter assuring Bae that his teacher had been right if he was writing a formal letter, but when writing to them, he could sign with the name they called him.

After the initial couple of weeks separation from Bae, Belle then readied things for their upcoming trip. She was a bundle of anxious energy, helping to oversee details and to help make their plans. It gave her some focus, somewhere to put her efforts. And here they were now, listening to sea gulls, tasting the salt in the air, and speaking about anything and everything. They had both brought books to read to each other. Belle thought it would be sad indeed if they had come all this way for a honeymoon and spent the entire time buried in their own books. There was no audience to annoy so they could read aloud to their heart's content.

She would break from time to time to collect sea shells, and she lifted her skirt ever so slightly, looking over to make sure there were no onlookers, a smirk was plastered on Rowland's face, she just knew it, and she dipped her toes in the water before scampering back up and gasping from the coldness of it.

Rowland simply laughed at her, and balked at her ideas of him doing anything so inelegant.

She did manage to get him to walk along the shore as much as his leg would allow at least a handful of times while they were there, and she felt truly and wonderfully happy.

It wasn't until they had returned home and she had unpacked her things-telling Mary she could and would do those things herself-that she realized something quite alarming.

She had known her role as the clergyman's daughter. She was educated and she helped to entertain guests, and then as the woman of the house. She had known her role as governess, or rather she had come to realize her place and role, and had grown to love it. Even for the first three months after marriage, she was busy with Bae, or busy with planning, or simply enjoying the holiday. Now that she was back, she had no idea what her purpose was. She knew she was Rowland's wife, but what did that exactly mean? She was no social icon in the community as she might have been if Rowland wasn't such a recluse.

Her husband was now working on matters of business down in his study, Mrs. Lucas seemed to have things well handled, and she had walked into her schoolroom, now parlor and stood there for a good half hour, perplexed that she was no further use to anyone.

Author's Note:

Another chapter with some flashbacks, but I should switch back to chronological after this. I had been studying pictures of Victorians at the beach and decided that's how I wanted to start things. Again, I hope it's not too confusing.
Thank you for all the comments! I love hearing your thoughts (even if they were more on the 'constructive criticism' side, I promise-the fact they have been so positive is just a huge bonus!)

There are a few Victorian notes, if you are interested:
Victorian beach holidays became quite popular, even more so than they were in the Regency period (thinking Lydia in Brighton) due to the convenience of train travel. This meant that beaches became more populated and wealthier people would travel outside of the country for more private places to go. Because it was colder, I thought that perhaps when Belle and Rowland go, it would be much quieter, and of course, Rowland would have known the most secluded place to go.
I found a picture of the sun hats that the Victorians wore and had to put one on Belle. I am of a similar stature to Belle (I don't even reach 5ft!) and thinking about how ridiculous it would look, I just had to talk about it!