LISA

I flip through the massive stack of papers. "Can you go into a little more detail about this part?" I ask the representative, pointing to a firmly worded clause. "I'm not yet as familiar as I'd like to be with this state's laws."

I'm currently in a title company office, closing on the first piece of real estate I've bought in North Carolina—a beachfront investment property I hope to rent out to tourists. Lauren sits on the floor near my feet, munching animal crackers and mashing her fingers against the screen of her tablet. After Jennie shot me down so thoroughly last week, I wasn't exactly in a hurry to call her, and besides, this bit of business is easy and fast enough to permit splitting my attention.

"Of course," the closing agent replies. "It just means that you—"

"Look." Lauren tugs at my sleeve. "Dada, look-it."

"Hang on, baby girl, Dada's working. I'll only be another ten minutes." I switch my attention back. "Please continue."

"Daaaaaaadaaaaaaa!" Lauren hollers.

I shoot an apologetic glance at the closing agent, who smiles and looks down at Lauren. "What is it?"

She points proudly at her tablet screen, which displays an array of bouncing shapes in various colors. "Square is red."

"That's right! Very good job. But next time, unless it's an emergency, wait until Dada says we can talk." I turn back again. "Sorry."

The guy chuckles. "I completely understand. I have a nephew about her age. Now, as I was saying . . ."

After I've finished signing paperwork and shaken all the congratulatory hands, I load Lauren and her stuff back into the car. It's been a couple of days since we visited Mom, and we make our way there now.

A new, short-haired nurse in blue scrubs opens Mom's door, one of the three extras I've hired since Mom's accident. "Lisa, right? I'm Dawn. Listen . . ." She lowers her voice to a murmur. "I'm afraid your mom isn't doing well today. She'll need to rest soon."

I nod calmly like the words don't send a little chill squirming around my gut. "Thanks for the heads-up. We'll try to keep things short."

Dawn heads to the corner with a book, and I appreciate the illusion of privacy. As we come in and sit down, Mom does indeed look exhausted and sick.

Lauren clambers into Mom's lap and stares into her eyes, her forehead crinkled with concern. "Gamma need a nap?"

God, even a two-year-old can tell.

"Soon, honey . . . but not quite yet. I can see my two babies for a little while." Mom kisses Lauren on both cheeks, exaggerating the smacking sounds to make Lauren giggle. "So, what have you been up to, Lisa?" Her voice is soft, barely above a whisper.

"I just came here from closing on a beach house. It's a beautiful Victorian style. Great view of the water, not too hard to access from the highway, bay windows, and four bedrooms. It has great potential. I just have to hire a couple of contractors for some repairs and renovations, and it'll be ready to rent out. I think tourists will love it."

"Wonderful. I'm sure it'll be a great investment. You always did have a nose for business. And how is Jennie working out?"

"Uh . . ." As always, my mom zeroes right in on the thing I most don't want to talk about. "Well, we had a little disagreement a few days ago, so I've been—"

She gives me a troubled frown. "That's too bad. What about?"

The idea of telling Mom I tried to ask Jennie out, let alone the reason she rejected me, ranks somewhere between eating needles and catching on fire. "Just a . . . personality conflict type of thing. I was being stupid." That part isn't inaccurate.

Now Mom's frown is one that tells me she knows I'm lying, but she's letting it go. For now, anyway. It's highly likely I'll be grilled again when I least expect it.

"Do you think she'll still look after Lauren for you?"

Oh hell, that possibility hadn't even occurred to me. What if Jennie never wants to see me again after I made her comfortable?

"I really hope so," I say truthfully. Even if there's zero chance of us dating again, I still want her in my life. I'll take being "just friends" any day. I have very few of those in this town after being gone for so many years.

Mom presses her lips together. "I've been turning it over and over in my mind, Lisa, and I think Lauren needs a mother, not a nanny."

I heave out a sigh and glance over to where Lauren's now playing with the lace doilies on the coffee table. "Mom, we've talked about this. I don't have the time and energy to devote to a girlfriend right now, and I definitely don't want to use one as free childcare. That's just where my life is now."

And after everything Jennie has told me about how my dumbass behavior has made her feel, on top of how things went with Lauren's mother, I'm starting to doubt whether I'm even cut out for long-term romantic relationships at all. The evidence would point to no.

Fuck.

"Lalisa." Despite the fatigue in her voice, Mom's voice sounds the sharpest I've heard from her in years. She rests her hand on my arm, locking eyes with me. "Get your act together. Take your time, do things right, but remember you have a daughter to think about."

I stiffen. "That's exactly what I'm doing. She always comes first. That's why I—"

Mom yawns hugely. "Oh dear, pardon me. I'd love to talk more, but I'm afraid I'm fading . . . naptime really sneaked up on me."

I nod, my jaw muscles tight. "That's fine, Mom. Rest. We'll see you again soon. Tomorrow, if you're feeling up to it."

She nods once.

I pick up Lauren and head to the door, glancing at Dawn, who is putting on a very convincing show of being totally absorbed in her book. I feel angry all over again at airing our dirty laundry in front of a stranger.

At the last moment before I go, I turn back to say, "Feel better soon, Mom."

She nods and raises her hand in an attempt at a wave. "Thank you, sugar."

My mind buzzes with somber thoughts as I drive home, too many things crashing over and over one another and making my blood pressure rise. I don't know what to think anymore. Trying to figure my life out by myself isn't working. I need someone to talk to. I'm not sure if what I need is a distraction or a serious hashing-out session or what, but I need something.

Shit—I realize I've hardly talked to Hanbin since I came here. I completely forgot to follow up with him, let alone hang out. And if anyone can give me an insider's perspective on Jennie, it's her brother.

When we get home, I get Lauren set up with her favorite toys and call Hanbin. It only rings a few times before he picks up.

"What's up, Lisa?"

"Hey, man, sorry I took so long to get back to you. I was wondering if you wanted to come over for a beer."

"Sure, I'm not doing anything right now. Or if you want, we can have a few rounds on the house at Hanbin's Place—I know the owner pretty well."

I snort. "I have to watch Lauren. I can't take a toddler to a bar, even if it is yours."

"That's cool. I wanted to see your new place anyway. You free now?"

"Yeah."

"Be there in twenty."

"Cool. See you soon." I hang up.

By the time I've cleaned up the kitchen and picked up the mess of books Lauren dumped into the middle of the living room floor, there's a knock on the front door. Lauren toddles over with Flapflap in tow, but when I open the door to Hanbin, she glues herself to my leg.

He sets down his six-pack and squats, smiling at her. "Hey there, sweetie. You must be Lauren. My name is Hanbin."

"Hi," she says in a tiny voice, then immediately hides her face.

"It's all right, love bug. Hanbin is Dada's oldest friend." I stroke her hair soothingly. "Do you want to watch Totoro?"

That does the trick. She detaches with a yell of "Monsters!" and runs to the couch, scrambling up onto it, then grins expectantly at me.

Hanbin laughs. "Funny kid."

"Yeah, she likes just about any weird creature or flying thing. That bat she's dragging around is her all-time favorite toy." I start the movie and put Hanbin's beer in the fridge. "Let me show you around."

I try to make the tour quick to get my eyes back on Lauren sooner, though I can't keep myself from expounding on the features that originally made me want to buy the house, like its large, sunny bedrooms.

Hanbin gives me a knowing grin. "You sound like you're trying to sell me this place."

"Yeah, it's a habit." I take him back to the breakfast nook, then snag a couple of his beers from the fridge. "By the way, you didn't have to buy beer. Not that I'm complaining, but I already had some here."

"I figured, since you didn't ask me to bring anything, but I wanted you to try this. It's local, small-batch . . . we just started serving it at the bar, and I've been pretty excited about it."

I raise my eyebrows and smirk as I hand him a bottle opener. "Wow, you've turned into a connoisseur. I remember a time you'd drink any slop you could get your hands on."

"You were right there drinking it with me," Hanbin says, cracking his beer open. "And it was high school. Of course we weren't gonna be picky. We didn't know any better."

"Speak for yourself. I knew it was horrible, I just wanted to get drunk more than I wanted to save my poor taste buds." I open mine and take a drink. "You were right, this is good. Hey, you know what talking about bad beer reminds me of? Playing basketball with the guys in the parking lot on Sycamore."

"Oh man, I haven't thought about that in years. Yeah, we'd go there with Kyle and . . . Chet or Chad or whatever his name was, and all their brothers, and play until we got too sunburned and hungry to keep going. But we didn't drink there."

"We drank with them at the summer bonfires. Like the time a certain person crashed us all into the side of a building."

He lets out an uneasy chuckle. "Don't remind me. I was sweating like a pig when I bought that building from Mr. Gibbs, hoping he didn't recognize me."

"No sh—stuff? That's where your bar is?" I laugh. "Okay, now I really do need to fit a visit into my schedule. See if I can find the dent in the wall."

"Dick. Maybe I should rethink those free rounds." He takes another drink. "Why're you talking like it'll be hard to find the time? Just ask Jennie over here for a few hours."

"That's . . . true." I can't get into how complicated things have become, and all the doubts Mom inspired in me, without revealing too many secrets that he might murder me over. "So, she's mentioned that she's been nannying Lauren?"

"Oh yeah. Jennie really seems to like her."

"Lauren likes her too. It's been going really well."

Except for the last time when I fucked it all up.

Hanbin smiles, obviously pleased. "Great to hear. I knew she'd be the perfect fit for the job."

"By the way," I say, trying to sound as casual as possible, "what's she been up to since I left? We haven't gotten much chance to shoot the breeze while she's busy with Lauren."

He shrugs. "Not much. Working, hanging out with Jisoo, helping me out at the bar sometimes. Her job demands a lot of her time, but she loves it."

"That's good. She always wanted to teach, and I'm glad it panned out for her. Lots of people, they dream about a job and then it turns out nothing like they expected." I drink while deciding whether I dare to push further. "Does she . . . have a boyfriend or anything?"

"You're asking if my sister is single?" Hanbin shoots me a confused look.

My heart rate picks up. "Just making conversation."

"Gotcha," he says slowly, but he still sounds thrown off. "I'm kinda glad. You and Jennie together is a pretty bizarre mental picture." He laughs as if the idea is totally ridiculous.

I can't help being offended. "Why? What's so weird about it?"

"Isn't it obvious? We're like brothers, dude—that'd make her your sister." He grins at me. "What's all this about? Has playing house together made you catch domestic feelings?"

He clearly thinks he's just messing around.

I take the plunge and, straight-faced, shatter my shield of plausible deniability. "Would that be a problem if I did?"

Hanbin blinks at me for a second, then chuckles again, but it sounds uneasy this time. "Your sense of humor sucks, man."

I level my gaze at him, keeping a neutral expression. "Then I guess it's a good thing I'm not making any jokes."

Another stare, much longer and more frowning this time. "You're serious."

"That's what I've been saying," I say testily.

"Why the hell are you asking me about Jennie?"

"It's just a question, Hanbin. We're all adults here." I shrug, trying to act casual, but my heart is pounding.

"No offense, Lisa, but I'm not sure how much faith to put in that. You don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to women."

It's a low blow. Yes, I spent my twenties fucking around and ended up with a kid I never planned on, but fuck.

"I like to think I've done right by Lauren." My voice is low, dangerous, challenging.

"You have. But caring for a two-year-old isn't the same thing as having a successful relationship. I think you know that and you're playing dumb on purpose just to—" Hanbin abruptly gets up and sets his still half-full bottle on the table. "Sorry, I should probably go. My shift starts soon."

"Thanks for the beer," I reply flatly.

When he's gone, I lock the door behind him and pour out his beer into the sink, feeling more agitated than ever.

Well, that little chat didn't fucking help.