Hi guys, Calborghete here, how are you all? I hope everyone is doing well.
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So now without further ado, enjoy your reading.
"Dialogues"
- Thoughts -
"Radio Talk"
"Self talk."
Liability Note:
Evangelion, its characters and setting are the property of Hideaki Anno. Any brands, movies and series mentioned in this Fanfic are the property of their creators.
(*)
Chapter 18 - The four eyes were right.
A silence prevailed in the room, they both stared at each other for what seemed like a great eternity, Asuka was standing holding her arms in the middle of Shinji's room, still feeling the anxiety of having done something she qualified as extremely difficult.
Shinji on the other hand was leaning against the wall, his mind still digesting the words he had just heard from Asuka, feeling the weight of it slowly sinking into his unconscious, hitting him head-on with painful memories.
"They don't care."
Shinji closed his eyes as he gave a long sigh, pushing that sentence away, he could see that Asuka was uncomfortable, from the time they both lived together he knew very well that the fiery redhead would rarely apologize, that this was an attitude that could never be imposed on people like her.
Asuka only saw Shinji bow his head and shake it slightly, she could clearly see that he was thinking, his heart was beating hard in his chest, the feeling of panic was beginning to eat her up inside, really her mind was considering just running out of there.
The silence of the room was extremely uncomfortable, only the sound of breathing and the ventilation system could be heard, Shinji wished he could speak, but the words wouldn't come out of his mouth, he only wanted to know one thing, all the others could wait.
"Why?"
Asuka raised her head and stared at him, but her eyes widened when she heard the question, really she had thought it, but her mind never came to a conclusion, she had no answer.
Shifting her gaze to the wall, Asuka thought of an answer desperately. "I..." Asuka stopped to wipe the sweat dripping from her forehead, she was making a great effort to keep her head straight. "I really don't know Shinji ... I just feel like it's the right thing to do."
Shinji only lowered his eyes as he nodded, but his mind still worked, even though his outer posture was cold and rigid, inside he was agitated, he could feel that his hands wanted to shake.
"They don't care."
Again Shinji shook his head, he again struggled to clear his mind, really making a great effort to cooperate with WILLE. "You are apologizing ... But for what?"
Asuka sat down on Shinji's bed, she knew that today would be a day that Mari always classified as putting the ick in the ointment, but that didn't make things any easier, putting her palms together, Asuka propped her arms on her knees as she leaned forward, holding a thoughtful pose. "For everything Shinji ... I want to apologize for everything."
Shinji only nodded, this really sounded good to his ears, but his head refused to believe it. "All right."
Asuka only raised her head and stared at Shinji with wide eyes, this response from Shinji was not what she expected. "What?"
Shinji only had a faint smile on his face, he calmly repeated. "I said it's okay."
This somehow did not go down well with Asuka's ears, feeling anger taking over her body, the redhead closed her fists, she was not going to let Shinji settle things with a simple sentence, too much had happened between them and a simple word would not settle things.
Shaking her head slightly, soon her movements began to increase, Asuka closed her fists very tightly to the point where her knuckles cracked.
Shinji realized this, frowning slightly as he saw the gesture, with a sigh he just closed his eyes, knowing that it was only a matter of time before the crying started.
"It's not okay!" Asuka spoke strongly as she opened her hands and stood up abruptly, she only watched as Shinji remained calm on the wall.
Shinji only saw Asuka's little outburst, he again let out a sigh. "What did you expect Asuka?"
Asuka relaxed a little, those words made her calm down enough to think. "I don't know ... I don't know!"
Shinji watched as Asuka approached him, feeling his body becoming tense with the proximity. "Damn it Shinji! What's so hard for you to get angry about?!" Asuka stopped as she saw that he remained impassive, her mind was worried that Shinji wouldn't notice the situation, she was really worried that he wouldn't take her apology seriously.
Shinji on the other hand was only keeping his outward posture serious, but inside his anxiety was going a thousand per hour, he was listening to everything intently. "Would blowing up help at all?"
Asuka stopped as she heard this, she thought about Shinji's words and let them sink in. "I don't know."
Shinji watched Asuka become downcast, feeling guilty for everything he spoke. "Look Asuka." Seeing her raise her head and soon her eyes locked on his. "I really appreciate your gesture, but you don't have to."
Asuka frowned as she heard this, Shinji was saying that she didn't need to apologize for anything, she felt the guilt for everything she had done to him still plaguing her body. "What!" Asuka retorted indignantly.
Shinji knew this was expected, but the reality was that Asuka had nothing to apologize for, in Shinji's view she had done nothing wrong these days. "You don't have to apologize for things that are not your fault."
Asuka only stared at Shinji indignantly, and soon memories came into her mind, remembering the time before the third impact, when Shinji had seen her naked by accident getting out of the shower, of all the times she had been cruel to him just for tantrums and pride.
Soon her mind fell into the post-third impact period, where she gradually lost faith in Shinji, the moment he awoke, Asuka remembered him smiling at the sight of her, but her mind refusing to accept this fact, she only repaid his concern in what way? By punching out his happiness.
Then came the battle in central dogma, Asuka closed her eyes as she remembered trying to kill Shinji, still blinded by years of paranoia and anger directed at one person in this world, the one person everyone had to hate.
Feeling his eyes burning as he remembered what happened soon after, the days they had to walk through the red earth, the harsh and cruel words she spoke, remembering his biggest mistake in life.
"Idiot ... You're an idiot!" Asuka shouted at Shinji. "It's not my fault! ... ... I tried to kill you idiot! I treated you like crap! I let myself get carried away by others! I told you that your death wouldn't be felt and it's okay!? It's not Shinji! "
All his reverie was broken when Shinji again spoke, his eyes widening even more.
"I can't apologize to you." Shinji spoke as he lowered his head, his mind soon brought back almost the same memories Asuka had, all the feelings he had long tried to repress came back. "I can't excuse something that's not your fault."
Asuka felt her hand begin to shake, she could feel the anger rising within her, Shinji was not wanting to accept her apology, but before she exploded, Shinji spoke again.
"It is not your fault that you are angry that I ended your life." Shinji spoke with a downcast voice. "I really appreciate what you're doing, but this is all not your fault ... It's not your fault or anyone else's fault that I'm a murderer, I dug my own grave not you, I can't blame you for hating me."
Those last words hit Asuka hard, Shinji talking like that was one of the reasons for her guilt, because one way or another she knows the truth and had not cooperated with anything in this world.
Again a great silence reigned in the room, Asuka closed her fists, feeling the anger in her body, Shinji's words hurt her, knowing that he had never seen these acts of hers as bad, but rather as justifiable and deserving.
Shinji could only see Asuka tense in front of his bed, he felt sorry for her, knowing that he was the cause of having made a person like Asuka who deserved the world, deserved everything good and the best have to be reduced to a victim of his selfishness.
Shinji closed his eyes to control himself, seeing Asuka sad always finished him off, but his eyes opened as he heard her speaking.
"You are not." Asuka spoke in a downcast voice.
"Eh?" Shinji asked confused.
"I told you that you are not a murderer! Your idiot!" Asuka spoke strongly, she could feel her body tense with everything she was about to speak. "When I woke up after the Unit 03 activation test went wrong ... I didn't believe their words about it all being your fault." Asuka stopped as she looked Shinji in the eye. "For a long time I didn't believe it, but time went on, the world hammered that it was your fault and over time it beat me ... Dumbness finally overcame me about seven years ago."
Shinji just stared at her, he was listening attentively.
Asuka moistened her lips as she continued. "When we got you back, we no longer expected to see you ... Wunder needed Unit 01 to function, but when we got the unit back from space, we saw that you were back." Asuka spoke as she remembered receiving the news, the first thing she realized upon receiving the news was there to see it with her own eyes.
"When I saw you after so long, everything I was taught about you overcame reason ... That's why I punched the glass." Asuka spoke as she felt her eyes burning. "I spent so long being taught by everyone that you were the villain ... Gee I'm so dumb."
Shinji let out a sigh as he listened to everything, it was hard to listen.
"That's why I want to apologize." Asuka spoke as she took a breath and approached Shinji, she could see that he was bothered by this. "So baka ... I really am sorry."
Shinji closed his eyes as he heard these words, sounding like music to his ears, that music that had not been heard in a long time, he only lowered his gaze and spoke. "All right Asuka."
Hearing these words Asuka felt her lips trembling, hearing Shinji apologize to her made as if a great weight was lifted from her shoulders, feeling all the energy leaving her body and finally going where it should go.
Soon Shinji heard Asuka sobbing softly, his eyes widened when he saw tears falling on the floor of his room, he felt dejected at the sight, cautiously he approached.
Asuka felt tears tearing at her face, she had her head down and was feeling embarrassed to be crying in front of Shinji, but deep down she was happy that he had eased her conscience, soon she felt a finger from Shinji lifting her face.
He can see his bare eye, he was red from crying, tears were also coming out of his eye patch, with a sympathetic smile he spoke as he wiped the path of tears from his face. "It's okay Asuka."
Asuka only closed her eyes tightly and tried to control her tears, but as she reopened them again, her eyes froze on Shinji's, taking a good look at everything she could.
Shinji noticed Asuka's eyes on his, he only returned her stare, he could see the emotion on Asuka's face.
"They don't care."
"They don't care."
"They don't care."
"They don't care."
Looking at Asuka with expressionless eyes, Shinji did not notice when Asuka closed the space between them.
She saw Shinji's eyes, but her body was overwhelmed by her emotions and desires, acting on instinct, she closed the space between them, with one of her hands, Asuka pulled Shinji's face to hers.
Feeling her lips connecting with Shinji's, she felt how soft they were, but one thing was not right, Shinji was not kissing back, not a movement in his mouth, not his arms around her body, no emotion at all, it was like Asuka kissing a wall.
Shinji felt Asuka's lips, something he always wanted to, but his body didn't react as it should, soon he saw Asuka's eyes opening, they both stared at each other.
Asuka saw Shinji's gaze on her, she could see his eyes showing nothing, feeling the weight of rejection, soon Asuka slowly turned away.
Shinji noticed the look in her eyes, he could see all the sadness she must have felt, seeing all the emotion he could.
Asuka took a quick glance at Shinji, saw his disdainful look, soon she felt the urge to cry again, but she wasn't going to.
- You won't even hug me? - Asuka thought dejectedly as she remembered the kiss, finally she could open up to someone and that person did nothing.
Feeling nothing short of anger, Asuka turned and started toward the door, feeling as if she had been punched in the stomach.
Shinji just stared at the whole thing, with time moving extremely slow, he thought as he saw Asuka getting closer and closer to the door.
"Isn't this what you always wanted?" His mind spoke anxiously.
"Yes, but ... I don't know." Shinji replied as his eyes locked on Asuka's back, watching as if the world was in idle gear, every millisecond that passed, Asuka's hand moved closer to the door.
"Do something!" His mind screamed again, only this time with more haste.
Shinji began to gasp, feeling the weight of guilt for making Asuka cry again, he remembered all his wishes, listening to the sound of his heart echoing through his head.
"You won't get another chance!" His mind screamed again. "It's now or never."
Shinji only shook his head. "She'll be better off without me ... I don't want anything to happen to her because of me."
"Idiot! You big idiot!" His mind screamed again. "Don't you realize that she can take care of herself? If you waste that opportunity you'll never get another!"
Shinji gasping heavily only felt his hand shaking, flexing his hand, he could still see Asuka's back.
"You know what, fuck." Shinji growled as he already knew what he was going to do.
"Do something!"
"Do something!"
"Do something!"
"Do something!"
Asuka was heading toward the door, feeling the weight of rejection and humiliation, she was scolding herself for doing something so stupid in her view. "He didn't even hold me."
Bringing her hand to the mechanism that opened the door she felt something, a hand was holding her arm, Shinji's hand, Asuka turned and spoke with anger and betrayal. "What are you doing idiot!?"
Feeling Asuka jerk her arm in hopes of getting rid of him, Shinji approached and gently pushed her toward the door.
Feeling the soft thud on the metal door, Asuka was trying to let go of her arm, but this action by Shinji made her freeze the place. "What do you..."
Asuka stopped talking when she felt Shinji's free hand go to her face, closing her eyes to the light caress he made on her cheek, she felt her heart coming back to life with this small gesture.
Seeing Asuka's eyes already closed with the caresses, Shinji took a breath and brought his face closer to hers, he could feel her lips and everything he had ever wanted he had now achieved.
"They don't care."
"They don't ... "
"They don't..."
"They..."
SILENCE.
Asuka felt Shinji release his hand from her arm and soon she realized he had passed it around her waist pulling her into his body hugging her tightly, she felt what she hadn't felt in the first kiss.
They both enjoyed the feelings that had long been locked in their chests, they both felt a great surge of pleasure.
Going from a simple kiss to a completely passionate and hungry one, Asuka thought satisfied with everything as she slipped her arms around Shinji's shoulders and pulled him closer.
- My God ... The four eyes was right. - Asuka thought with a smile as she enjoyed the feeling.
Shinji could tell he was on cloud nine, Asuka's lips were good, soft and delicate, it didn't even seem like her owner was a fiery redhead with a strong heart, feeling Asuka's heart beating hard against his chest, soon he could feel that both of them were now in perfect sync, body and soul.
Breaking the kiss as she felt the need for air, they both pulled away extremely flushed, Asuka felt her cheeks burning with what she had just done, she finally felt a great peace, her shitty life seemed to have no effect on this kiss, feeling its power against her body.
Looking again at Shinji's face that looked down, she could see that Shinji was feeling embarrassed, but he had a smile on his face.
Still with her hands on Shinji's back, Asuka pulled him in again locking her lips to his, she was now claiming ownership, crushing Shinji's lips with her own and soon she found herself pushing him backwards, Shinji did nothing to stop it, this only gave Asuka more courage and determination.
(*)
Misato's Office - Wunder
Misato was at her desk, her eyes were on the reports on Shinji's condition, knowing that he may be feeling fine, but the condition of his lungs was delicate.
"How is he doctor?" Misato asked professionally, soon her eyes left the papers and landed on Sakura who was near the door, Misato could see all of Sakura's anxiety.
Sakura swallowed dryly as she opened her tablet, looking at the exams she had taken, she was praying that the medication against red dirt contamination might have had some effect on Shinji's body.
"Stable." Sakura spoke nervously as she read the scans. "But the medicines are only treating the symptoms."
Misato lowered her head and gave a long sigh, they had to find a way to clear Shinji's chest, if not it was only a matter of time before he had another attack, closing her eyes as she remembered Shinji on the floor of his room.
"Ritsuko?" Misato spoke as she turned her head to her oldest co-worker. "What can we do?"
Ritsuko was smoking a cigarette next to Maya, having tirelessly researched a way to get Shinji's lungs clean, but her research was getting nowhere, Wunder didn't have the materials needed to do the job and the proper research.
Letting out a cloud of smoke, Ritsuko spoke wearily. "I don't know ... The only option is Sakura's idea."
Maya made a face of discomfort upon hearing this, having already read Sakura's project about clearing Shinji's red earth, she was not comfortable with it. "But that's going to hurt."
Sakura lowered her gaze to the ground as she learned of the consequences of her idea, feeling afraid knowing that even Ritsuko hadn't found a better idea. "I'm sorry Shinji." Sakura whispered downcast as she imagined the suffering he was about to receive.
Mari saw Sakura lower her head, she knew the young doctor was feeling guilty for everything Shinji was about to receive, breathing in softly she spoke. "Hey doc, don't be like that."
Sakura looked at Mari with red eyes from unshed tears, Mari seeing this spoke with a warm smile. "You will save his life."
Sakura only bowed her head as she heard this, her mind screaming at her to go back to her room and study more about this, she didn't want to cause Shinji any more pain. "The pain he's going to feel..." Sakura spoke as she felt some tears want to come out, soon her voice broke slightly, enough for everyone in the room to notice.
Mari approached Sakura and put her hand on her shoulder, seeing the young doctor about to break down in front of her, Mari spoke with a serious face. "Sakura look at me."
Seeing Sakura lift her face and staring into her eyes, Mari continued seriously. "Shinji is a tough guy and smart, he'll hold out ... He knows we're looking at all the alternatives and if that's all that's left he'll understand."
Sakura nodded faintly, she knew they had no option regarding this, the red earth had to come out. "I know but ... I can't be okay with it."
"Sakura thinks so." Ritsuko spoke as she entered the conversation, her voice maintaining her usual professionalism, she spoke as she lit another cigarette. "If we rule out that idea, our only option is surgery."
Soon Sakura's eyes widened, she knew what kind of surgery she was going to perform on Shinji, she quickly spoke in an anxious voice. "No, no."
Mari swallowed dryly, she didn't know what kind of surgery this would be, but judging by Sakura's expression it wasn't good. "Surgery?"
Ritsuko was about to explain, but Sakura spoke first. "We would open your chest and an incision would be made in your lungs." Sakura paused as she wiped the sweat from her forehead, she could see Mari's eyes on her. "We would insert forceps and the scraping of the earth would be done."
Mari shuddered as she imagined the procedure, shaking her head now at what the post-surgery of such a procedure would be like. "It's ... Better not."
Misato nodded, soon her eyes returned to her colleague. "If we do Sakura's idea, what are the chances?" Misato stared at Ritsuko expectantly.
Ritsuko let out a sigh as she brought the cigarette to her mouth again, having already thought about the odds of that happening, looking at Maya she spoke as she took a drag on the cigarette. "Maya..." Ritsuko stopped as she pulled the cigarette from her mouth and spoke. "Tell her."
Maya was a person who had changed during the third impact, having gained more courage to stand up for herself and lead, but the presence of people who worked with her at NERV made her feel like the old days, her personality regressing a bit when she was in Misato's presence.
Her admiration for Ritsuko always remained the same, having learned a lot from her, the intimidation and leadership techniques that her Senpai had taught her made Maya the woman she was today a more confident person in her work.
Grabbing her notebook, Maya flipped through the pages until she found the information she wanted, Ritsuko gave a smile as she saw her former protégé looking through her notebook.
"Here." Maya spoke as she found what she wanted. "That is our best choice, as Suzuhara reported, Wunder can handle burn damage better than Shinji's current situation, if the solvent removes much of the red dirt, his chances are good for recovery."
Everyone nodded at Maya's words, Misato gave a long sigh as she adjusted herself in her chair, the final decision would be hers and that was what made the situation difficult for her, her decision would cause Shinji great pain, exactly the opposite with what she promised herself. "Damn."
All eyes were on Misato waiting for her order.
Misato raised her head and her eyes fell on each occupant, she knew that everyone there or at least most wanted Shinji's well being, mainly she wanted him to no longer have to suffer because of the mistakes of others, Misato wished with all her heart that Shinji could have a good and peaceful life.
Knowing that everyone expected an answer, Misato cleared her mind and spoke with confidence. "We'll do it." Everyone nodded, she could see the anxiety in the eyes of everyone in the room. "It's going to be tough, but we have to do something ... We can't have the luxury of one of our pilots becoming incapacitated in this war."
Misato wished she could say other words, but she knew they had people plotting the downfall of Wunder and WILLE, even though she trusted her crew wholeheartedly, she knew she couldn't say the words she would always keep when it came to Shinji.
Everyone nodded at Misato's words, they knew that she wished she could say more, but this was information that only Misato would know, the words she really wanted to say would stay forever in Misato's mind, that these words did not carry Misato's real feelings about Shinji.
A silence prevailed in the office, soon Misato came out of her reverie with the sound of a beep coming from Ritsuko, soon her eyes like everyone else's fell on the fake blonde.
Picking up her tablet, Ritsuko frowned as she looked at Shinji's vital signs, as his breathing had quickened and his heart went along, the DSS choker was serving more to monitor Shinji's vital signs than restraint.
"What is it?" Mari asked curiously.
"Shinji's vital signs have skyrocketed." Ritsuko replied thoughtfully.
"Is it another attack?" Maya asked worriedly.
"But Shinji was fine when I released him into the room." Sakura retorted as she felt her hands shaking, already beginning to believe she had made a mistake.
"Calm down." Mari spoke as she raised her hands, she could see that all the women began to get anxious, soon her eyes fell on Misato who was already picking up her communicator to talk to Shinji about this, but before she spoke, Mari stepped forward. "Misato ... You have a camera in his room, let's take a look, because how are you going to explain that we can monitor his vital signs?"
Misato nodded as she heard this idea, she knew that until now she had not told Shinji about the camera in his room.
"There's a camera in his room?" Sakura asked shocked, but soon a thought fell into her head, with a worried look she covered her breasts, this was noticed by Misato and Ritsuko.
"It's just in case." Ritsuko spoke as she saw the discomfort in Maya and Sakura's eyes. "It's just in his room."
"But ... This is too much, he deserves some privacy." Maya spoke as she held her arms as she felt uncomfortable knowing that Shinji was monitored even in his most intimate moments.
"That's provisional." Misato spoke as she typed into her computer, soon she noticed a progress bar pop up on her screen, she wished she could explain more about it, but her mind was focused on Shinji, she wanted to make sure he wasn't having another attack.
Soon the images appeared on the screen, Misato's eyes widened, now she saw the explanation about how Shinji's vitals trigger.
Everyone saw Misato's shocked and flushed face, with a confused and curious look on her face, all the women went to the other side of Misato's table, each one had a reaction when seeing the image on the screen.
As the surveillance program worked more slowly, the sound was activated a few seconds later.
"What was it that shocked so much? The puppy is having fun... Oh my God!" Mari spoke as she saw the contents of the screen, soon the moaning sound was the only thing that was heard in the room.
Mari put her hand to her mouth to contain the laughter that wanted to come out, her eyes went from the screen where Shinji and Asuka demonstrated how children come into the world to Misato's shocked face.
Maya was paralyzed, her face was redder than a ripe tomato, Sakura was paralyzed with her mind broken by what she was seeing, Ritsuko had her eyes locked on the screen, she was the only one who managed to keep control, but that didn't stop her from blushing.
Mari looked at the screen again with an amused look on her face, looking intently at Shinji's naked body in action, nodding at what she was seeing she spoke smiling as if watching a movie. "The puppy's hips are loose ... Impeccable technique." Mari stopped as she tilted her head to the side.
Misato finely recovered from her state of shock, with a flushed face she saw Mari looking at the screen with a smile on her face, Mari was watching everything as if it was the most normal thing in the world, all that was missing was the popcorn. "The princess likes to bite and scratch."
Looking at the screen again, Misato soon returned to rational thinking as she pressed a few keys terminating the video feed, again the black monitor screen remained.
"Hey." Mari spoke indignantly, as if her favorite movie had been cut.
"Hey nothing." Misato spoke clumsily as she gathered the sheets of paper together, still controlling the blush that appeared. "I ... I guess everyone has work to do."
She watched as Sakura ran out of the office with her face extremely flushed, this movement was followed by Maya who returned to engineering with a shy smile on her face.
Soon Misato saw Ritsuko light another cigarette and slowly leave the room, but not before he heard her speak.
"I hope they were careful."
Misato finally locked his eyes on Mari, both exchanged a quick glance, Mari as always had a smile on her face, a look that showed she had just won the lottery, Misato's were shocked, but a smile began to grow on her face.
"Oh my God!" Misato spoke as he sat down in her chair, a giggle began to come out of her mouth. "I can't believe what I just saw!"
Mari started laughing along with Misato, both girls laughed as if they were watching the best comedy in the world, they both enjoyed the moment they had.
Everyone on Wunder's bridge saw when a group of blushing and shocked girls came out of Misato's office, everyone was curious about what had happened inside that room, but soon they heard Misato and Mari's laughter.
(*)
Shinji was lying on his bed, his eyes were locked on the ceiling of his room, seeing the pattern of colors he had, he didn't know why, but whenever he stared at the ceiling somewhere he thought about his life.
Closing his eyes and giving a sigh, Shinji soon began to think about his life, about everything he had been through, all the fights in prison, all the times he was recognized by one of the criminals, all the injuries he received, all the pain he suffered.
With a sigh, Shinji tried to clear his mind of these memories, he didn't want to have to ruin the moment he had with Asuka, reopening his eyes soon they traveled downward, seeing a mane of red hair that was on his chest, rising and falling with the movement of his breathing.
Looking at Asuka's head, Shinji's eyes widened at the memory of what they had done, having remembered every detail that was possible. But that wasn't what was bothering Shinji, it was who he was and who he had done it with, again he felt the weight of guilt, not regretting showing how much he cared for Asuka, how much she meant to him, but again Shinji didn't want anything to happen to her or Misato because of him.
His mind soon fantasized about situations, where people in this godforsaken world put their hands on these people, his mind could hear the screams, the screams of Asuka and Misato being punished for actions he had caused, being punished for being merciful to a monster, again Shinji closed his eyes.
Asuka was lying with her eyes closed, feeling and listening to Shinji's heart beating, the sound was very relaxing, soon she was feeling calm, she was peaceful and relaxed, but that was short lived, her pillow became stiff, judging that Shinji must have woken up, reopening her eyes, Asuka spoke in a calm voice.
"What?"
Shinji looked at the back of Asuka's head, his mind still pushing thoughts from his head. "Did I wake you?" Shinji spoke as he stroked Asuka's head with one hand.
Asuka closed her eyes again as she received the caresses, they were being very good for Asuka's tired mind and body, but soon she remembered the question. "No ... But I am comfortable and I can see that you are not."
Shinji only nodded as he stroked Asuka's soft hair, he was far from well, his body was sick, his mind even worse, making the character of Shinji tough took a lot of energy from him.
"I'm fine." Shinji lied, he didn't want to have to talk about him, this was something that couldn't be helped, it was only a matter of time before he broke, his mind, his body was like a thin sheet of glass and with each passing day, more of a weight was put on it and like any glass it had a limit.
Asuka lifted her head, using her arms to stand up she turned and using only her eye patch stared at Shinji, they did not convey anger or resentment, but rather curiosity.
"Why don't you talk to us Baka-Shinji?" Asuka asked in a calm and welcoming voice, she wants to be able to help Shinji recover, even a little, being able to see that he was carrying some pretty heavy baggage.
Shinji shifted his eyes in direction, his mind working to formulate the answer Asuka wanted to hear, with a sigh he spoke. "I don't want you to waste your time."
Asuka frowned at this, she had been annoyed by this answer, but before she could say anything, Shinji spoke again.
"I don't want you guys to worry about something that's not your problem." Shinji spoke as he stared into Asuka's eyes again, soon his eyes fell on her eye patch, remembering how she must have received that kind of injury.
Asuka noticed Shinji's gaze on her eye patch, she hated that people stared at her because of him. "Baka-Shinji, why don't you trust us?"
Shinji again faced Asuka. "I trust." Asuka frowned slightly in confusion, Shinji then continued. "I trust you and Misato."
Asuka smiled as she heard those words, feeling that the mood was light, she spoke without thinking, "Now that we can trust each other, I'm sure you won't make another impact." Soon Asuka lost her smile as she said this, deeply regretting it, they had shared a beautiful moment not long ago and she was spoiling it.
Shinji only watched Asuka lose her posture, his mind knew that she didn't mean that he would mess up, that she only used the wrong words. "Don't worry about it, it won't happen."
Asuka lowered her gaze in guilt for having spoken a foolishness. "Look Shinji I don't..."
"I know." Shinji spoke with a small smile on his face, but soon he remembered he was wearing a DSS choker around his neck, Asuka looked down at her.
"If it gets ugly out there, she won't let it go too far." Shinji spoke as he touched the choker with his fingers, closing his eyes as he remembered her detonating and killing Kaworu.
"If it were up to me she would come out." Asuka spoke as she touched the choker with her fingers.
"Even if Misato wanted to remove it, I wouldn't let him." Shinji spoke as he stared at the ceiling, he didn't see Asuka's gaze locking on her with a small scowl on his face, before she said anything else he continued speaking with a dark look on his face. "She is the guarantee, the symbol of my punishment and distrust ... The brake in case things get ugly again."
Asuka lowered her gaze to the bed, she spoke dejectedly, not liking the way Shinji was talking, it seemed that even he didn't trust himself. "I would stop you, you don't need a silly choker, I would remove you from the plug."
Shinji stared at her with an amused look on his face, sensing that the mood was quickly cooling, with an amused smile on his face he spoke, provoking Asuka's pride.
"What?" Asuka spoke as she smiled, she caught Shinji's gaze, completely ignoring that she had her breasts on display.
"You already tried once and didn't succeed." Shinji spoke with a smile on his face, he was teasing Asuka's strong pride in hopes that he could change the subject.
Asuka remembered the moment in question, she wasn't proud of it, but she realized that Shinji was talking with a smile on his face and that he was teasing her, getting into the joke she spoke with fake annoyance. "Hey that time doesn't count ... I wasn't even trying."
"I know." Shinji spoke with a smile.
"Seriously, if we ever face each other, your Unit 01 will be no match for the mighty Unit 02, the real fighting Evangelion." Asuka spoke proudly as she proclaimed herself.
"Your unit? I saw how she looks, I bet she must be good at making popcorn." Shinji spoke up laughing.
Asuka gave an indignant look upon hearing Shinji mocking her unit 02, anyone who said that would regret it, but hearing her laugh, it all seemed meaningless, but she wouldn't let that go unpunished.
Pinching hard at the skin of his chest, Asuka smiled triumphantly as she saw Shinji groaning at her pinching, they both looked at each other strongly with affection on their faces, Asuka spoke as she lowered her gaze and laid her head on Shinji's chest again. "Shinji please."
Shinji only saw Asuka's head on his chest, he thought about Asuka's request. "What?"
Asuka closed her eyes as she heard the sound of Shinji's heartbeat. "Please never stop holding me, never leave me again."
Shinji looked up at the ceiling of his room as he thought about Asuka's request, with each passing day, plan E in his notebook seemed more meaningless and distant, he only spoke what was on his mind. "Whatever depends on me I won't go."
Asuka felt Shinji hugging her, feeling all the protection he was giving at this moment, she just closed her eyes as she felt everything, with a smile on her face she thought of nothing else.
But that time was short lived, the sound of someone knocking on the door took them both out of their world, Asuka growled as she raised her head and spoke annoyed, but whispering so no one would hear. "Who's the idiot?"
Shinji only shrugged, but soon the intruder spoke again, Asuka's eyes widened, she didn't expect this person to find out where she was.
"I hate to spoil your post-orgasm, but Misato wants to talk to her puppy!" Mari shouted from the other side of the door.
Asuka's eyes widened even more, she stood up and quickly started putting on her clothes, feeling panic at not knowing what to do, she watched Shinji calmly putting on his clothes, her mind wondering how he could be so calm.
(*)
Mari was on the other side of the door, she was leaning against the wall looking at her nails, with a sound of wind the door opened revealing Shinji, he as always had a cold posture, but Asuka was another c oisa.
"Hello princess." Mari spoke with a smile on her face, soon her eyes fell on Shinji who was maintaining his pose, but she could see that he was embarrassed.
"Speak right up four eyes!" Asuka spoke extremely embarrassed at being caught.
Mari only faced the two, looking at Shinji with hungry eyes as she remembered what she had seen on camera, speaking smiling like a cat she spoke. "Finally someone has tamed the beast, how's your back puppy?"
Shinji was startled by Mari's posture and how she knew about the things they had done. "Well, better impossible."
"Mari!" Asuka spoke blushing as she remembered what she had done to Shinji's back, her mind screaming to get the information on how they knew.
Mari only smiled, she had material for a whole year.
(*)
In the EVAS cage, all the girls were waiting to do Sakura's procedure, Misato already wanted to do it so they didn't waste any more time.
"You know it's evil to interrupt what they were doing." Ritsuko spoke as she smoked a cigarette, Maya was with Sakura at the consoles.
Misato only turned her head and spoke, blushing as she remembered seeing Shinji and Asuka having sex on camera. "I gave them four hours! That's more than enough to finish and do it again."
"You were locked up with Kaji for a whole week, that's a hundred and sixty-eight hours." Ritsuko spoke as she raised her gaze from her tablet and faced Misato with an arrogant look.
Misato crossed her arms and spoke professionally, but smiled as she remembered. "They are not at my level."
Maya and Sakura stopped typing as they listened, but quickly recovered, both blushing slightly.
Before Ritsuko could say anything else, Mari entered the room and spoke as she pointed to Shinji and Asuka, Misato tried to control her smile at the sight of the two, but couldn't.
Shinji and Asuka looked around, seeing that even Ritsuko had a smile on her face, both trying to figure out how they knew what they did.
Shinji closed his eyes as he let out a sigh, already thinking that his room must be stapled somehow, he spoke in a neutral voice, "My room is stapled isn't it?"
Asuka lost her color upon hearing this, depending on the answer, everyone could have seen what they did.
Misato only smiled, giving the confirmation Shinji wanted, he only shook his head spoke ashamed, not for him, but for Asuka. "Oh my God."
Asuka was pale, soon she felt Mari's hands on her shoulder. "What's wrong princess? It's normal, you just had crazy sex with your baby boy, you let out that orgasm that has been in store for years."
"Mari!" Asuka yelled as she blushed, knowing they must have seen and heard everything, feeling exposed she attacked to defend herself. "You perverts!"
Everyone was with smiles on their faces, but Misato was the first to lose it, remembering why she had called Shinji. "Alright now, Asuka calm down, you guys were caught doing something normal, accept that."
Asuka was about to explode, but she knew the look on Misato's face, this was no casual conversation, soon she calmed down a bit, she noticed Misato's gaze travel from her to Shinji, a wave of concern went through her body.
"Shinji I want to talk to you." Misato spoke with concern in her voice, Shinji only nodded, he could sense that things would not be good for him.
After Sakura explained what would be done, Shinji felt sorry for the young doctor crying and apologizing for not having found a better solution, telling her not to be bad.
"Then let's do it at once." Shinji spoke as he smiled, he could see the looks on everyone's faces in the room. "It sucks, but to do what?"
After everything was prepared, Shinji was inside the entry plug, he could feel the LCL in his lungs, with his eyes closed he breathed in and out to calm himself.
"Can't we give a painkiller nothing?" Asuka asked as she stood next to Mari, both were nervous, Misato looked to Ritsuko for answers.
"No." Ritsuko spoke as she typed on the console, Maya stood beside her with an uneasy look on her face. "It wouldn't do any good."
Sakura only watched as the final commands were typed releasing the solvent. "Shinji can you hear me?" Receiving the access confirming. "The solvent has been inserted, I won't lie to you, it will hurt."
(*)
Inside the input plug, Shinji was looking at the controls, it was only a matter of time before they started.
"Can Shinji hear me?" The voice and Ritsuko flooded the entry plug. "The solvent has been inserted, I won't lie to you, it will hurt."
Shinji only nodded, he could see the green color of the solvent mixing with the LCL, breathing in and out to inhale, soon he began to feel a burning sensation in his chest, the solvent was in his lungs.
Clasping his hands tightly, Shinji could feel it burning his respiratory tract, with each passing second, the more the pain increased.
After the first minute, the pain was so intense that Shinji could no longer hold back, opening his mouth and letting out moans of pain, but what was giving him strength, was what started coming out of his mouth and nose, he could see the dissolved red dirt coming out.
(*)
In the control room, Sakura began to listen to Shinji's screams, pressing her hands to her ears, his cries of pain were too much for her.
Mari saw this and quickly tried to hold her friend by the shoulders, watching Sakura bury her face in her chest and cry in guilt, Mari only spoke words of comfort. "He'll be fine, he's tough."
Mari was feeling bad for Shinji's screams, she could see the look of discomfort in everyone's eyes, especially the looks on Misato's and Asuka's faces, both making a great effort not to collapse.
Misato watched Shinji's face in extreme pain, feeling her eyes burning with what she had authorized, she only had one thought in her mind, for he would never have become contaminated if it wasn't for her mistake, he would never be in this situation if it wasn't for her, he would never be suffering as he was suffering if it wasn't for her.
Burning with guilt over this, Misato locked her eyes on the monitor where it was showing Shinji's face, seeing his face in pain with each breath he took, she could see the red dirt coming out of his nose, but that wasn't what was bothering Misato, but the suffering that once again she was inflicting on Shinji, she just hoped it would work out, so this hell would end.
"I'm sorry Shinji ... Please forgive me."
Author's Notes: Hello Calborghete folks here, how are you? Did you like it? I hope so. As always be sure to follow and save it to your favorites so you don't miss any future updates.
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