Year Six Chapter Sixteen

After that eventful week, the following few weeks felt rather dull by comparison. Those who'd been working on the Animagus transformation were nearing the end of their month (except Tom, who had a bit longer to wait than everyone else), and there was little for them to do now but wait. The Gray had, in the meantime, switched to working on silent casting, with Tom swearing they'd be doing nothing else until they could cast the spells through their OWLs without speaking. This translated into difficulty for their teachers in the wanded classes, since most of the class improved rapidly, leaving only a couple students at the usual level of progress.

They'd move on to ritual creation and modification in the new year, not precisely because he wanted Hermione to have formal instruction on the topic, but… mainly because he wanted Hermione to have formal instruction on the topic.

If anything were to be said to be interesting, it might be that Lavender Brown asked Ron out to Hogsmeade. Not that that interested Tom, but it seemed to be all anyone else in Gryffindor wanted to talk about.

"She asked you?" Finnegan asked with a frown a few nights later, when word had spread via the Hogwarts rumor mill. "Don't you know the guy's supposed to do the asking? Way to let a girl down."

Ron snorted, glancing at Tom, who continued to frown as he scribbled away in his notebook dedicated to the theory of soul extraction. "I don't see why," Ron said. "Anyway, I said yes because why not, but unless she's planning to study way harder for The Gray, I don't see it going anywhere." He shook his head ruefully, aware that even a year ago he'd have been ecstatic that a girl was paying attention to him at all, let alone one as pretty as Lavender.

Finnegan seemed to be choking. When at last he recovered, he scrambled over to Ron. "No way, a girl like that, you've got to at least get to… I mean, I guess we've all pretty much had plenty of kissing at this point with that bonding stuff, so it's barely even a thing anymore, so even further! You've gotta get under her clothes at least!"

Tom sighed as the conversation finally filtered through. "Let Ron do what he wants," he said flatly, not looking up from the journal before him.

Finnegan huffed, but let the matter go. Even he'd realized long ago that 'Harry Potter' was dangerous, and he was better off obeying the other boy.

From his bed, Neville shifted onto his side and commented, "Speaking of girls… Did you have to tell Susan?"

"You're the one who bonded with them and then decided it'd be a good idea to sleep around," Tom shot back. "Not like I could deny it at that point." Two beds over, Finnegan's eyes bulged and he turned to stare at Neville.

"Yeah, about that," Neville said, suddenly hesitant. "What… You said she was different before. What was she like?"

"Why?"

Neville licked his lips. "I…"

"Mate, don't," Ron interrupted. In the bed next to him, Finnegan looked to be dying. Ron glanced over at Neville with a weak smile. "Everything else aside, she's way older than you."

Neville raised an eyebrow. "You're not objecting to Ginny and, well…"

"It's different and you know it," Ron sighed. "Really, I think I might welcome that at this point," he added under his breath. "But you've got both Bones and Abbott happy to date you. Together even. There's no reason to be going after her."

"I know that!"

Everyone was quiet for a moment at Neville's outburst. The boy's ears reddened at the stares he was receiving. At last, Tom shut the journal, the sound loud in the silence. "If nothing else, you should talk to them properly before deciding," he suggested. "But right now, I've got a ritual to be performing."

"Oh." Neville and Ron both stood, suddenly looking all manner of serious.

Tom let them follow him, as much as the entourage exasperated him. Hermione and Ginny joined them in the Common Room. They made their way to the Room of Requirement, where Luna sat with Astoria. The Ravenclaws had already prepared the circle, and a series of potions sat to the side, ready for whatever situations might arise.

"You're ready?" Luna asked. At Tom's nod, she took a deep breath. "Alright. Everyone else needs to stay back, no matter what happens."

"Is anything really likely to?" Hermione asked, frowning.

Luna shrugged helplessly. "It shouldn't, but the entire point is to summon a deity, and there's no real way to control what happens from there."

"Don't forget to ask about Harry," Neville ordered.

Tom shot the boy an irritated look, but Neville only jut his jaw out stubbornly and stared back.

At last, Tom stepped into the circle, lit the candle in the center, and closed his eyes. "Te auxilium rogo," he murmured. There was a pause. Just as he was about to decide it hadn't worked, light raced along the lines of the circle, the candle went out, and Tom felt a dizzying sensation as the world disappeared into smoke.

"Hello?" Tom called after a moment. He wondered how much the aesthetics of this place were influenced by his own expectations. It was appropriately mysterious for a meeting with a deity, but surely no being would spend all their time in such a dull world.

A figure emerged from the mist. They had long, dark hair that shimmered as though diamonds hid underneath and silver eyes that made him shudder to look at. They appeared neither male nor female and wore robes that were both colorless and also filled with shifting, iridescent rainbow hues. And yet…. Despite the strangeness of the being, They were also familiar. This was the being he'd felt while he'd been dead. Tom swallowed hard.

"Tom Marvolo Riddle," They said. Their voice echoed through his head as though it came from within him. "Not so long ago, you paid much to avoid my hand, yet now you summon me." Their tone was amused, which might or might not bode well.

Tom nodded jerkily. "Are you Death then?"

"Always so curious, aren't you?" They smiled. "In a manner of speaking, I suppose I am."

"What does that mean?" Tom demanded.

"Oh, Tom Riddle, for all that you've tried to become otherwise, you remain mortal yet. I'm afraid that to speak my name here and now would be to kill you." They tilted their head to the side thoughtfully. "Although perhaps… Yes, why not. I am your Death. I am also Luck and Fate, Jupiter and Hades, Quezacotl, Osiris, Ra, Allah, the One True God and yet no god at all, Yaoyorozu no Kami and Shiva and all else that has come before and all that ever will be. I am -"

Lightning burned through Tom's skill. He gasped, but there was no air. All sound and light disappeared. He was slipping into the abyss again, but it wasn't just his body but his soul that was dissolving. His heart pounded one slowing thud after another until it seemed it'd stopped… then it began again. Hearing and sight returned, air flooded into his lungs, and the only remnant of what had happened was the coppery tang of blood and a surety that the Cruciatus and Killing Curse were nothing more than pale imitations of what he'd just experienced.

They smiled. It wasn't a cruel look, but it would have been more comforting had it been. "Well. Mortal still, but perhaps less so than you might have been. Now tell me, why have you summoned me?" Though They asked, the tone was knowing.

Tom swallowed, gasping, and tried to straighten back up from the partial collapse he'd fallen into. "I have two requests for you," he said at last, when he no longer felt like falling apart at the seams.

"I am willing to entertain many requests. What truly matters is whether you are willing to pay the price to see them fulfilled."

Tom fought to keep the irritation off his face. "I want to become immortal."

"What of your horcruxes? Do you not believe in their power any longer?"

Tom glanced away. "Voldemort made several, and looking at him… It seems as though breaking my soul apart was a mistake I'd rather not repeat. Immortality that comes at the price of my sanity is no better than dying."

The deity laughed. "Indeed, your current clarity is a miracle you cannot expect to happen twice. Still, you ask for no small thing. And your second request?"

"I want a means of restoring Harry Potter, as per my agreements with Severus Snape and Hermione Granger."

"I see." They stepped closer and touched him, hand cupping his cheek. Their touch burned like ice. "No. I would have you choose just one."

Despite the unfairness of the demand, Tom's fear kept his frustration in check. This left him with a choice he'd rather not have to make. On one hand was his immortality, what he wanted more than anything. On the other was Potter, whom he couldn't care less about past the requirements of his vows, which did not require this of him. He'd considered it again and again, in case just this situation occurred. It shouldn't have been a decision at all.

Tom grit his teeth and shut his eyes, fists clenched in aggravation. "Potter," he said, voice bitter.

"Oh? Are you sure?"

Tom scowled at the humor in that voice. "I said Potter. How do I get him back?"

"Why?" They asked curiously.

Hatred and disgust almost made him change his mind, but at last he managed to bite out the words. "For them." He hated the weakness he'd uncovered in himself. He felt nothing but disgust at discovering he'd make this choice.

They hummed thoughtfully. "This is a surprise. It seems you have changed, Tom Riddle. Not much, perhaps, but what little change has occurred is significant." They smiled then. "Very well. I grant you this stone." They held out Their cupped hands, then closed them together. When They opened them again, a translucent emerald crystal lay there. "Extract Harry Potter's soul into this, and it will keep until such time as you see fit to grant him form."

Tom took the stone and examined it. It seemed utterly ordinary, but then the Philosopher's Stone was said to appear to be nothing more than a ruby. "And the payment?" he asked wearily. The choice had been made. There was no changing it now.

They laughed and put a finger under his chin, Their other hand splayed against his chest. Tom felt a glimmer of the same pain as he met Their silver eyes, and something tugged on his soul making his breath catch. "A payment and gift in one." Cold breath puffed against his face, stinging him. "Become my Avatar. Gather the requisite items and serve. Then you will find both requests answered."

Tom blinked. "What -" Suddenly a wind blew, and the mist that filled the area disappeared. Tom had to shield his eyes against it, and when he lowered his arm, he found himself back in the Room with a fist-sized green gem. A voice echoed through his mind as he stared into Luna's silvery eyes.

Continue to entertain me, Tom Riddle. I look forward to your service.

"Tom?" Luna asked, alarm threading through her voice. "Are you alright?"

Tom nodded dazedly, "Ye-" He broke off into pained, wet coughs, prompting Luna to begin shoving healing potions into his hands. He realized belatedly that his mouth tasted of blood, and when he wiped at his face, his sleeve came away bloody as well. He collapsed, vision graying momentarily before he lifted the first potion to his lips and downed it. A blood replenisher. He looked down drunkenly at the wet floor and realized how close he must have been to dying.

"What happened?"

The voice was surprising. It was Bella, clinging to Neville's leg. It was then that he noticed Severus standing in the corner, looking for all the world as though he'd been dragged from the middle of brewing.

Tom frowned and tried to get his thoughts in order. "When -"

Neville shifted. "At first, everything seemed fine, but then there was blood coming out of everywhere, and I guess everyone could feel you nearly die again."

Tom glanced at the girls who, now that he was looking for it, all looked to have been crying recently. "I see," he muttered. "That must have been when They said…" Even just trying to remember it made him feel faint, so he instead dropped the thought and took the next potion.

"What's the rock?" Astoria asked after a long moment.

Tom held it up, examining it in the light. It was the same color as his eyes, and the same color as the Killing Curse. "Apparently, something I need to keep Potter's soul intact between the Dementor and his new body."

Neville started. "I thought you were going to ask about immortality," he said, sounding almost offended that Tom wasn't as purely selfish as they'd both expected.

Tom glared back. "They said I could only ask for one or the other." He tried to keep calm, but he could feel the heat rising in his face. He shook himself and turned back to Luna. "They told me to become their Avatar. Do you know what that might mean?"

Luna blinked slowly. "An avatar," she murmured. "What else did They say?"

As Tom went over the conversation with her, a faintly nagging feeling that he should know the answer already tugged at his mind.

"Who was it?" Luna asked, still occupied with her own thoughts.

Tom started to shake his head, not wanting to relive that headache, but stopped. "Death," he said instead. "More or less."

Hermione was the one to bring up the next most obvious question. "They said they'd grant both requests? I don't understand. Why make him choose just one first? Why change their mind? Why make Tom immortal at all? I would think that Death would hate the idea."

To their surprise, Bellatrix was the one to answer that. "To kill Dementors," she said. At everyone's questioning glances, she laughed and sang, "Devoured souls are no souls at all, and Death can deal only in souls that heed its call."

"In other words," Hermione said slowly, "Tom becoming immortal might be against the natural order of things…"

"... but Dementors are even more so," Severus finished. "I find myself more concerned what form becoming an Avatar might take."

No one had an answer for that.

Astoria brought up the next question. "Is immortality really a gift?"

Tom raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

The girl huffed. "Aside from possibilities of like, you know, having a horrible existence, because I can't believe you've forgotten that kind of gift giving in myths," she said, tone giving the distinct impression she thought he had, in fact, forgotten such a thing, "would you really want to live forever in the first place?"

Tom bristled. "Of course."

"Would you?" the blonde demanded. She crossed her arms. "Think about it. It's a thousand years from now, and you've learned everything there is to learn and done everything there is to do. You're tired of existing, but you don't have any choice because you can't die."

"I'd take that over nonexistence," Tom retorted. "And if we instead assume that an afterlife exists, does anyone doubt how unpleasant it would be for me?" He shook his head. "Religion speaks of eternity as well, and neither an eternity of peace nor an eternity of torment interest me in the slightest." Not that, in the exceedingly unlikely case of Heaven and Hell existing, he'd be finding himself in the former anyway.

Astoria blinked. Then she nodded, slowly, grudgingly. "Alright, fair enough," she allowed. "I just wanted to be sure you'd thought it through. But I also want to know what happens to us," she added, gesturing to those bonded to Tom. "After that poisoning, it seems clear that this bond does a bit more than just give us an interesting connection. I don't want to live forever." And he felt the truth in that, the sheer horror she felt at the idea… and a disturbingly desperate wish for death.

Tom grit his teeth. "I think we have another century or so before we really need to worry about that." As soon as he felt able, he left, feeling raw and still out of sorts from the ritual and in no mood to entertain the questions of a child. Rather than return to Gryffindor Tower, he made his way to Severus's quarters. When Severus arrived a few minutes later, Tom was already curled up on the couch, the sheets from the man's bed wrapped around him.

He heard his servant pause beside him, but other than a soft exhale, the man said nothing. Tom listened while Severus prepared for bed, the routine sounds doing more to relax him than anything else he could think of. The last thing he heard before falling asleep was Severus calling for a house elf to replace his bedsheets.

In the morning, Tom returned to Gryffindor Tower to get changed. To his surprise, Hermione and Ginny were still asleep in his bed, legs and arms tangled together. It looked supremely uncomfortable. Tom's lips twitched, a smile threatening to slip out. Then he shot Stinging Hexes at both of them and left to get ready while they yelped and fell out of the bed.

It was the weekend, so once Hermione and Ginny had stopped sulking (or attempting to pay him back, which amounted to about the same in Tom's mind), they joined Ron and Lavender and headed to Hogsmeade.

"Do you want to go to Madam Puddifoot's?" Lavender asked as they sat in the carriage.

Ron shrugged uncomfortably. "Isn't that, you know, the real fancy place?"

"Yup!" Lavender beamed for a second then, noticing Ron's lack of enthusiasm, glanced over at Tom. "Harry, you'll be taking Hermione… and Ginny? there, right? I mean, you guys haven't really had a chance to have a proper date." Her curiosity was clear: at no point had any of them confirmed or denied their relationship status. Rumor had him dating and/or having sex with one or both of them, with Luna and even Astoria sometimes added into the mix.

Ron coughed, while Hermione and Ginny glanced at each other in bemusement.

Tom, who'd been staring out the window, said nothing. His mind was a thousand miles away, still thinking about Astoria's question. Hermione shook her head and answered for him. "I think T- that we'll just browse through some shops before heading back."

"No." The carriage stopped while everyone was looking at Tom curiously. He shook his head. "You four go on. I'm going back up to the castle. There's something I need to know."

Lavender frowned at the lost chance to observe the three, but nodded slowly. "Yeah, alright. Well, in that case, do you guys want to head to the Three Broomsticks instead?"

Though it was with some reluctance, Hermione and Ginny agreed to go, unable to turn down the girl's attempt to include them. Ron, however, appeared much more pleased. Tom just shook his head and waited for the carriage to make its way back up the path to the castle, where he continued through the doors and up the stairs to Ravenclaw Tower. Padma was just leaving, and she rolled her eyes and held the door open for him. "Get your own dorm," she snarked as he passed.

Tom ignored her.

He made his way to the fourth year girls' dorms and opened the door. Inside sat Astoria at her desk, alone, reading. She glanced up at him, sighed, and closed her book. "Yes?"

Tom shut the door behind him. "Do you want to die?" he asked.

"No," she said. She didn't sound surprised though.

"Are you sure?" Tom asked, raising an eyebrow. "You certainly act like it. Saying you don't want me to save you and complaining about my search for immortality." His expression grew hard. "You forget that I can feel your emotions too."

Now Astoria flinched, and she set the book down and stood. "Well you're wrong. I don't want to die. I just -" Her lip trembled, and she glared at him. "I can't understand you. Why would you, of all people, want to live forever? Life is only tolerable because it ends!" She took a breath to calm herself. "I just wish I had never existed in the first place. That's all," she said as though it was a perfectly reasonable position to take.

"Why?"

The girl fisted her hands. "Because, in case you haven't noticed, I make everyone's lives worse. Daph takes Calming Draughts with her everywhere, Mother drinks herself into oblivion every night, and Father's just about bankrupted the family trying to cure me. He cries all the time, and of course proper Pureblood men aren't meant to cry, so he's always hiding away so none of us will see. And I know that dying now that I've existed will only hurt them more, so it's not like suicide is any kind of fix. But that's only because people are raised with this - this idea that when someone close to you dies, you have to be sad. You have to be miserable, even if you hated them. You have to wonder if there were any signs of it coming or if there was something you could have done or why the deceased never said anything. You have to go on feeling that way for the rest of just about forever, because that's what good people do." At some point, her voice had become mocking, and he felt the self-loathing that filled her like poison.

Tom stared at her and said nothing.

At last, Astoria shook her head. "Well?" Her voice was challenging, but Tom could feel dread and fear through the bond. "Now's when you tell me I'm wrong, isn't it? I'm overreacting or overthinking or over-something or other-ing. Or, I guess since it's you, you might just tell me to get over it."

"I don't understand you either," Tom said instead.

Astoria snorted.

Tom shook his head. "You're right. Had you never existed, your family's lives would be different. Better, most likely." The bond shared her vindication and despair at having her beliefs confirmed. "Mine would, of course, be worse, but I assume you don't count that as a good thing since I, too, have made every life around me objectively worse through my very existence."

Astoria froze. Perhaps she'd thought him to self-unaware to realize that.

"I'll cure you," Tom continued. "Your sister won't have to marry that man, and your parents can work on rebuilding their lives around two healthy daughters. Then, when I rule everything, you will be one of my Inner Circle, my chosen, and your family's status will be elevated because of you." He sighed. "And, if after all of that, you still feel the same, I will feed you Draught of Living Death and transfigure you into a charm, just as I did Bella before. You will, in effect, cease to exist, just as you desire."

The blonde stared at him. At last, blinking rapidly, she looked away, swiping at her eyes with her sleeve. "I… okay," she said, sounding bewildered. Tom was just about to leave when she asked, "You've never felt like this?"

Tom cocked his head questioningly.

Astoria flushed. "I mean… you're right. That's why I didn't know why you… I mean, you've made far more people miserable than I ever could. You've never felt like it would be better if you'd never existed?"

Tom stared at her. "Like I said, I don't understand you." He left.

Luna stood outside the door. "Liar," she murmured, taking his hand in hers.

Tom didn't reply at first. He remembered being a child, pulled into a cave and shoved under the water, trying to hold his breath until his vision went dark and his magic lashed out. He remembered being older, a bit, and hiding and listening to sirens while the muggles did their best to end the world. He remembered wishing his mother had never been selfish enough to bring a child into the world when ultimately that child's fate would be death. "That was different," he said eventually.

Luna hummed consideringly. "Perhaps."

AN: I think the KatiexHarry fic was called something like The Family That Chooses You? I'll try to remember to search for it, but writing this now in case I forget.

Also, I totally forgot that the mandrake leaf business requires a full moon thing, so…. Let's just pretend that's not a part of it.