He's still holding me, and I can't say anything.
"I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he says, looking regretful. But it doesn't change what he did. "Hearing you talk like that pisses me off because you know damn well how much Bruce suffered when you died and how painful it was when you came back doing that pile of shit, you at least should have known."
Even though I know he's right, I don't regret a thing. Well, maybe not taking the chance to kill the clown myself.
"The Joker is still breathing… that's how I know it."
I'm still crying, so I bring my hands up to my face to hide. I don't want to feel even more pathetic for crying in front of him like a little girl.
"I don't even know what to do with you…" He ruffles his hair and huffs in frustration.
"Don't worry, as soon as I can stand, I'll be gone," I say sincerely.
If my body cooperated, I would have jumped out the window by now (I don't even mind being in my underwear) and staggered through the streets until I managed to get home. It would not be the first time. And not the last one, I'm sure. Maybe I have a talent for getting into trouble.
"Apparently you won't be leaving anytime soon."
He lets go of me and at the same time I lose my balance, I'm about to fall when I feel his arms wrap around me again,
"Enjoy it while you can torture me because it will come back to bite you."
If there's a reputation that I'm proud of, it's being a vindictive person. And I'm creative when it comes to getting back.
So, enjoy it, Grayson, because your nocturnal ass will still have its mercy!
"That's right. Since I must enjoy it while I can, I think I'd better give you a bath at once. I was going to do this in the morning, but since you're already awake..."
I look at him in disbelief. I even stop crying with surprise. What does he think I am? A child?
"Oh, but you won't!" I try to escape from his arms, but besides I don't have the strength to do it, he squeezes me tighter against his body. Idiot! "I'm no baby! I can handle myself!"
"Man, you stink, and my nose can't take it all night." He lifts my legs far more easily than I'd imagined and I'm carried unwillingly through the cubicle he calls home.
I might even try to bite him to escape it, but I don't think falling to the ground in my condition is a good idea. I can't believe I'm going to have to go through this!
"Just throw me in the tub and I'll do it myself," I plead with a last-ditch effort.
I feel my face heat up with embarrassment.
"You think I'm rich?" Dick swivels my body around so I can see the deplorable bathroom he has, barely room for the shower, the toilet, and the tiny sink.
"Since when are you poor?" I ask mockingly.
It's not possible that after all these years of living in that cursed mansion he can now live in such a... precarious place.
"When you decide to step out from under Bruce's wing, that's what happens. What I barely get for rent and food," he replies, looking embarrassed.
"I don't even work, and I have a much better place than this..."
Technically, it's true. I have a lot more money than I could ever spend in a lifetime (where it came from doesn't matter).
"And how much of your money came from trafficking or assassination contracts?" He raises his eyebrows suspiciously. "If you have any money left."
"Your morality annoys me." I roll my eyes, but even that hurts.
Which is better, having all the money you need or working yourself to death without having enough? So, what if a lot of people died or fucked up so I could have my money? They deserved it! Better with me than funding the arms or drugs trade!
Dick puts me down gently and makes me lean against the wall. He pulls away just to get some soap, then he walks over to me and takes his hand to my boxers. The moment he tries to lower it I stop him. This is already too much!
"No need to take it off," I say, almost whispering. I never thought I would feel so vulnerable or ashamed like this.
"Relax, there's no need to be embarrassed. It'll be a quick shower and then I'll give you some pain killer."
He says it so naturally it annoys me. Not everyone looks good taking off their clothes in front of others! At least I don't!
"Then take your clothes off and see if you're comfortable…" I suggest, thinking this will change his mind.
Only... no. There's Dick Grayson taking off his uniform like it's no big deal! Okay, he's got a nice body and if I had such a defined six-pack, I probably wouldn't be shy about showing off either, but... it's embarrassing to me!
I look away as he tosses his underwear away.
"Ready? I also need a shower, so we save time."
My boxers are pulled down and this time I can't resist, I'm not in the mood to argue, better get this over with.
He turns on the shower before I can protest. I'm still trying to decide if this is even a good idea, I even agree that I must not be smelling good, but I don't think I've ever been in such an embarrassing situation before.
The first drops fall icy and make my back tingle with the thermal shock. I end up hugging myself in his body because of the fright. I'll never admit it out loud, but I'm scared, even though I know it's contradictory to what I've been feeling. I'm terrified.
Not with the idea of dying, that would be no problem. But I'm afraid I'll spend the rest of my days drowning in misery, doing the exact same thing every day (drinking and fighting and bittering myself in resentment) while the world goes on and I'm forgotten.
Because that's how it works, isn't it? People forget you quickly, even the ones you love the most. Look at Bruce... it's like I don't even exist for him. Even if one day he took me in as his son.
I still don't know what I'm going to do, but things need to change for me. I want to at least be able to stay awake without having to be drunk or go to sleep without having to anesthetize myself.
I feel Dick's arms move behind my body and the temperature of the water changes. First it gets too hot, then it gets too cold, but he finally manages to find a nice middle ground and gets closer to me.
I don't know what is bothering me more right now, the water washing my wounds or if it's feeling the heat of his body. Maybe it's the smell he gives off too, I end up sniffing a few times near his head just to be sure and I feel ridiculous for that.
Dick then starts rubbing my body, lightly, but I still grimace every time he touches one of my bruises and the soap makes the wounds sting.
His hands roam over my body, seem to be counting my scars, if that's what he's going to be here all day, I haven't exactly been careful lately.
Despite not wanting to, I feel my body react to his touches, a specific part it shouldn't, and my shame grows even stronger.
But who can blame me? I've been dry for so long and... Dick's a hot guy and all. Even though it's not my thing and, he is being a real asshole, I recognize that in the beauty department he leaves nothing to be desired.
He turns my body onto my back, now I'm looking at the wall. On the bright side, he doesn't see my erection forming. The downside is that it got a lot worse for me.
I feel his hands moving down my body, rubbing me gently until they reach my ass. I think he's going to stop there, but no; he keeps going and... I kind of like that.
Don't get me wrong, I've never done it and never thought about hooking up with another guy before. However, this is the first time in months that I've felt anything other than pain and sadness, and that's good.
I want to feel, I need, something good. So even I must be with the damn Dick Grayson. His touches are making me feel alive for the first time in a long time, and I know from my body's reaction that I need more than his hands roaming my body.
Maybe I regret what I'm about to do tomorrow. But it does not matter. Today, I need this.
"Make me feel something, Grayson…" I plead. I take one of his hands so he can feel how hard I am because of what he's doing to me. "Please... I need this..."
It's pathetic, I know, but I can't care less about it. I turn to him and see his eyes wide at the idea. But he still hasn't let go of my erection, in fact, he's moving slowly, kind of jerking me.
I close my eyes and focus on the pleasure of the sensation; this is so much better than when I do it before bed watching some random video.
I let out a few moans, even trying to fight it. But that only seems to spur him on more, as he speeds up his movements and brings our bodies closer together, pressing me against the wall.
Maybe between a moan or another I asked for more or something, but now it's hard to have cohesive thoughts, I just know that feeling his dick in my ass isn't as weird as I thought it would be and... maybe I want to. More than that.
A while ago I never imagined that I would find myself in such a submissive position I also didn't imagine that I would die and be brought back by a magic pit, or that I would want a guy to fuck me.
I put aside the shame and even the pain to focus on the pleasure I'm feeling. I bring my right hand to his erection and fit it right at my entrance.
I feel like it makes him pause for a moment, as if he's curious what I'm doing, but Dick doesn't pull away.
Until then, I never thought about using my ass for that purpose, and I know it must hurt to get in. But pain and I are already old friends, so I'm going to focus on the pleasure and relief it can bring me.
I take a deep breath, work up the courage, and then do the most humiliating thing possible: I start rolling around on his cock and pushing my hips in hopes of being penetrated.
It's ridiculous, I know, but I'm a needy man. I feel his glans rubbing against my sphincter, but none of it enters, I don't think that stupid guy is doing his part!
"You don't have to do this, Jay…" he says, but his voice is shaky with tension. "I'm sure it's going to hurt like hell ... we can just be like this..."
"Shut up and fuck me, Grayson! I'm used to the pain. And if I wanted your opinion, I would have asked!" I growl, determined.
I try once more to push myself back, but he stops me. I'm about to complain about him pulling away when I feel him pushing into me in a single thrust.
All right, he was right. It hurt like hell!
"Fuck! You bastard!" I roar in pain and then punch the wall as hard as I can to distract myself. Not that much further.
"I warned!" He says with a smug air and almost takes his dick out of me, but I don't let him, I know that if he does that, I won't have the courage to let him put it back.
"N-no... I didn't tell you to stop..." I try to move my hips, but I still can't control my body as much as I need to, and the pain I'm feeling isn't cooperating either.
Dick seems to realize this and goes back to masturbating me. Okay, maybe that's not so bad. As he moves—his hands and cock inside me I begin to feel intense pleasure wash over my body, enough to forget all other pains.
I can't believe I'm going to say this, but... I'm enjoying being fucked.
That's it! Now there's a fucked-up guy who likes to take in the ass! I don't know exactly what that makes me, but what the hell! I just want to feel it as long as possible.
I'm with my eyes closed and concentrating on the sensations. I lose track of time, of who I am or how I ended up here, all I know is that when my orgasm comes my legs go wobbly, my eyes roll, and I let out a moan of ecstasy that would have killed me with embarrassment in other situations.
That was the best thing I've ever felt!
But then... why didn't anything improve? Why do I keep feeling like shit? Oh yes. Because the sex didn't fix anything, it just distracted me, just like the booze.
Dick is still going in and out of me, he groans, seems to be enjoying eating me. That's cool and all, but I can only cry.
I lean my head against the wall and let him finish, after all I was the one who started the game. It wouldn't be fair to interrupt him just because he lost the fun for me.
He grips my waist tightly and I protest with an aching groan. Suddenly he thrusts harder, and I feel warm inside, I think he just came in my ass. At other times I might have laughed if someone told me this would one day happen, but now I'm just glad it's over.
He comes out of me slowly and let go. I collapse on the wall at the same time and give in to tears once and for all.
He turns my face and forces me to face him. I hate the pity look I'm getting; it just makes me feel even worse!
"Forgive me, I hurt you…" Dick is worried, of course he is. He must think he's to blame for all this, and for once, he's wrong.
He takes his hands to my ass, as if she's the problem and not my heart torn apart by grief.
"That's not why," I say, to reassure him. "Not even that was enough... what's wrong with me? Why can't I feel anything?"
I question, I don't even care anymore if he's going to laugh at me later. I just need to say it out loud. Maybe some force in the universe can answer me, or maybe erase me from existence.
He doesn't respond, just hugs me, tightly. I feel the heat of his body next to the water and it's almost comforting.
His hands start to caress my head and I allow myself to cry all I've been trying to drown with alcohol. All this sadness needs to get out, and right now, I'm happy to be in someone's arms, even if it's a guy I loathe who just fucked me.
Yeah, maybe I'll really regret it tomorrow. But not today.