Sofia's Choice
It was a dark and stormy night. Sofia lay awake in her bed inside the castle, the rain and thunder booming outside the walls. She was playing Smash while her parents argued in the room just adjacent.
She could hear her dad in a drunken stupor, as he beat her mother. Her screams of pain reverberated throughout the castle walls.
She was a Kirby main, just like her mother. Her father was a Ganondorf main, that sick bastard. Because of that dispute, they were planning to get a divorce since her father also was commiting tax fraud. Also he was a Ganondorf main. Sick bastard.
Sofia remembered something her mother had told her a long time ago.
"My sweet daughter, never forget: If a strange black man with a hat comes out of your closet and offers a handshake, never shake back. That's exactly how I got stuck with your father. That and he had a bomb ass collection of dildos, I wasn't ready."
Suddenly, Sofia heard a noise come from the corner of the room. It was coming from her closet.
"H-hello?"
Sofia walked tentatively towards her door, uncertain if she had really heard something, or if it was just in her imagination. Using the classic defense mechanism, she broke out into a fortnite dance.
"Come… closer…" The voice whispered to her, lulling her towards it. She couldn't help but obey.
Sofia reached out a hand, and opened the closet. A strange black man with a hat jumped out of the closet, immediately offering a handshake.
"Hey pal, you don't look so good. May I offer you an egg in these trying times?"
Sofia scoffed. "That joke is so old. And you're black."
From a young age, her father had ingrained in her the belief that black people were inferior, and should be treated as animals, like the ones in her picture books.
"My daughter," he would say, "Look outside. Do you see those cotton fields? One day, they'll be full of them blacks. As I always say, 'هناك دجال بيننا.'"
"What does that mean?"
"Silence, the daily beating of your mother has come."
He promptly grabbed her mother's shoulders and commenced the daily beating of her mother.
Ending the flashback, the black man continued to hold out his hand out, as if to beckon her over.
"Young one, what do you wish for?" the Black asked, still holding his hand out.
"For you to go away, I'm trying to listen to my Mom getting beaten, it's kind of a sick beat" Sofia said to her inferior, interestingly enough, still holding his hand out.
"C'mon little buddy, shake my hand…" He was holding his hand out, "Won't you shake a poor sinner's hand?" His hand remained out for her to shake. Unbelievable. The audacity.
"Will it make you go away?" She asked to the man with his hand ready to shake. The man with the hand in which she wanted banned, uninvited to her land, according to the plan, pull out the frying pan, The Diamond Minecart Dan, Sans.
"My name is Dr. Facilier." Dr. Facilier said.
"Is there an easier name to call you by?" Sofia responded to the man ready to shake hands.
"The hand-man with an extended hand, ready to shake."
"Sofia, wait!" She spun around, Sid from Ice Age, her favorite childhood movie, holding out his hand, as if HE were ready to shake! "Don't do it!"
"No, you're not real, I really need to keep taking my medicine." She responded to Sid, the kid, the guy that did, just hold his hand out for a reason that was probably mid, lacking a pringle can lid, Monopoly property bid, Science Kid Cid.
"Look, you schizophrenic bitch, do you want to shake my hand or not?"
Sofia looked at the hand-man with his extended hands' hands. He looked up at the hand-man with his extended hands' face, and his hand-le bar mustache. Underneath his hat, were indeed, more hands.
Sofia took her medicine and the hands disappeared, but the real hands were yet to be revealed. As she swallowed the medicine, she realized, her hand was extended (These are the hands that were yet to be revealed), and she had shook her own hands with his extended hands, making them shake their extended hands!
"Holy hands!" Sofia said, in her head, not out loud like somebody who is dead, the
color red, Fred
"Yes... Yes...! ARE YOU REEAAAAAAAADY?" He said suspiciously loud, his hands still extended. "ARE YOU READY?" He said again, hands out, bottom up, red solo cup, my man wassup, little dog pup, Xup. "ARE YA -READY?" He said with a pause between YA and READY, changing the rhythm of the vocal melody he was making. Hand.
Sofia dropped to her knees, suddenly evolved into a totally matured 18 year old woman, gripping at her chest with her new adult, oily hands. Slowly, that totally mature 18 year old woman transitioned into an totally mature 18 year old BOY?!1/11/1/?!1/1?!9/11?!
"Totally mature 18 year old Schlong Alert!" Sid said, reappearing after her transition, the medicine wearing off from the intense time skip that had just occurred.
Now that she was a he, he could put his balls in a sink, becoming the missing link, Peter Pan and tink, cookies in the milk go dink, red is a similar color to pink, you know what I mean wink, Asian people are called ch**k, balls in the sink, yo momma a twink, an unpleasant or contemptible person are called a fink, a small semi aquatic carnivore resembling the stoat, native to North America and Eurasia; the American mink, ka-plink. Dr. Seuss. Bars.
"It's over, little girl! Or should I say... boy?!" Dr. Hand-man with an extended hand for a handshake turned around, laughing all the way to the door,
Sofia's vision turned dark. Darkness encompassed her vision and the room around her went dark. She tried to look around, but she couldn't see due to the darkness around her. It was dark.
Her mind went dark, thoughts of third degree suicide immediately flooded her mind similarly to the suicide rate of many transgender people in the world today.
The extended hands man threw a cranberry sprite at Sofia with his hands, smacking her in the head.
Suddenly, a woman bust through the door, dark skin, a suit, and long black hair. "Wait!" She shouted after the extended hands man with an extended hand for a handshake, but it was already too late. He had left, with the cranberry sprite at all. There was toothpaste in his butthole. "Dang-diggity-nabbit!"
"Who are you?" Sofia asked, surprised by her own deep ass voice, like she was Morgan Freeman.
"Will Smith is my name. I was a victim of the extended hands man with an extended hand ready for a handshake man. I assume he already got to you?"
Sofia looked around the room, and felt something weird around her no-no place. It wasn't smooth, but instead had a fat juicy lump on it. Was it a cancerous?
She gasped, and realized that she was now a he.
"ARE YOU READY?"
Sofia heard the wonderful chorus repeat in her head. It made her want to do the oppa-gangnam style. She ran to her window, scanning the outside of her now clear-skied castles. In the cotton fields, sat a female black hedgehog, the extended hands man with an extended hand for a handshake laughing as he ran away. "ARE YOU READY?!"
"Another victim!" Sofia shouted, beginning to climb out the window. She took out a slingshot from under his dress (still trying to get used to her weenor, sorry Sofia, have you come up with your new name yet?) and loaded the slingshot with a banana, taking aim at the unsuspecting female black hedgehog. He was gonna make his father proud; her first kill. "I have to remember what my father teach me...! هناك دجال بيننا...!"
"Is any of this even real?" Sofia thought to her-himself, trying her-his best to assess the situation. (I'm still working on it Sofia, my apologies, this is a big change)
"Damn..." She held his own head, staring into the clear sky. Her head was clouded with thoughts. On one hand, he hated black people. On the other hand, she wanted to know how to get out wherever he was.
"This strange man, appears to me in a closet, right as I'm trying to play my favorite game, Super Smash Brothers Melee. How did I even get here? How could I have become a Boy so fast?" The gender dysmorphic thought to himself.
"Sofia, it wasn't your fault." Sofia turned to the reassuring Will Smith, watching with her eyes half-closed as he stared somberly into the distance. "You can't bring back the dead. You can't play God. It just isn't possible..."
"I know Sofia, the hardships you're encountering are things not many people have to go through. Just understand that whatever happens, I'll be here, waiting for you.
This was serious. Super serious. She looked at the serious slingshot in her serious hand, a serious expression on her serious face. He looked down at her serious feet seriously. He seriously couldn't believe what he almost just seriously did.
(We're losing the seriousness Sofia, hold onto it!)
Suddenly, Sofia heard someone yell. "Yahhhhhh! That's hot!" As Will Smith flew by her window, absorbing the hit of the banana, protecting genderbent Shadow.
"Silly Smith! What are you doing?!" Sofia jumped from the window, doing a serious quadruple backflip double axel among-us sexual style creeper platonic kanye slam, then pulling out her paraglider and landing safely in the cotton fields.
"Sofia... This isn't the path for you to go down..." Willy Smilly coughed up blood, but it was actually sprite cranberry, hence making it not blood. You were lied to.
"Dang, this is gonna be hard, because I'm a boy, and I have a weenor, it's hard, the weenor is hard, I'm not used to this because I used to be a girl, and I'm also not used to being 18 years old, because puberty effects how this thing works. Hard times, hard thoughts. Also I don't want you to die." Sofia thought to himself, trying to come up with a new name… "Will Smith! Before you die... please... bestow upon me a name!"
"Sofia..!" Will Smith said in his dying breathes, but Sofia mistook his words to the name Sophia.
"Sophia! A perfect name!" Sofi-I mean Sophia said.
He looked deep into Will Smith's eyes. In only a second, his entire life-being was transferred into his memory. Sophia was Will Smith, but also now, Sophia. Memories began to flood her brain. (his, sry typo, can't remember who has peen or not) He saw images of twerking amongus characters, an entire dimension of nothing but hands, and being a cuck to his bitch of a wife, and finally a massive JPEG of danny devito with cocks for hands.
(That became vulgar, I apologize Sophia, your young mind should not be hearing these things… Wait, you're a totally mature 18 year old though…)
Sophia hesitated for a moment. After years of abuse and torment from her biological family, her muddled mind was finally clear. Will had been the only one who'd ever cared about her; not her bigot father, or even her submissive cuck of a mother. It was always Will Smith.
Shadow watched helplessly as Will took his last breath. Apparently, he was a friend to more than just her. Perhaps... a lover...?
"Will, please… don't leave me here. Please."
Sophia held Will's lifeless body, crying into his chest, her tears staining his suit. Shadow, still in chains, fell to her knees, broken. Her sorrow soon turned to seething rage, as she balled her fists, shaking uncontrollably. They had treated her like an animal, chaining her to a rock; feeding her nothing but scraps. "As I fought off the soldiers who sought to take Maria's life, I felt my hatred for humanity return."
"What?"
"What?"
Suddenly, even more flashbacks of Will Smith's affected lives came to Sophia.
Roll call please!
There was Shinji, Leo, Piper, Jason, Frank, Annabeth, Hazel, Percy the Jackson, Nico, Will, Ryman, Raphael, Clarisse, Drew, Luke, Thalia, Bianca, Michiru, Mamoru, Ami, Nino, Sidon, Andy, Asuka, Mari, Azzad, Janja, Bunga, Sepiroth, Seto, Kaiba, Joey Wheeler, Alan, Brock, Alana, Grace, Gary, Luka, Juleka, Rose, Jasmine, Quasimodo, Pocahontas, Pheobus, John Smith, Thomas Paine, George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Gabriel, Nathalie, Zack, Aeris, Tifa, Usagi, Rei, Amy, Minako, Haruka, Alan, Zelda, All the games, there's a lot of them, Mipha, Revali, Link, Midna, Mulan, Esmeralda, Merida, Nala, Simba, Fuli, Jasiri, Tiifu, Zuri, Vitani, Kiara, Kovu, Kion, Bala, Rani, Gaston, Belle, Ashoka, Anakin, Obi Wan Kenobe, Padme, Leia, Han, Luke, Djn, Sabine, Ezra, Sakura, Ino, Mimi, Soora, Tai, Matt, Ash, Gary again, Jessie, James, Misty, May, Serena, Phillip, Aladdin, Scar, Tiana, Naveen, Selina, Bruce, Dick, Balls, Tim, Jason again, Clark, Diane, Clint, Wanda, Korra, Asami, Katara, Sokka, Nya, Skylor, Kai, Jay, Zane, Cole, Lloyd (Luh-Loyd), Mario, Luigi, Rosalina, Peach, Daisy, Rouge, Blaze, Amy again, Silver, Sonic, Tails, Shadow, Godzilla, Rodan, Gidorah, Mothra, Adora, Benjamin, Quincy, Gwendolin, Striker Jones, Sauda, Etienne, Catra, Yugi, Mai, Joey, Kaiba again, Tea, Naruto Sakura again, Sasuke, Adrian, Marinette, Alix, Alya, Chloe, Nathaniel B, Mart Marc, Kim, Kagami, Lila, Draco, Harry, Harmoine, Ron, Ginny, Hiccup, Astrid, Dak and Layla, Paul, Alain, Clemot, Bonnie, Aang, Zuko, Azula, Suki, Mai, Toph, Ty, Lee, Dawn, May, Iris, Cilian, Gamora, Rocket Racoon, Peter Quill, Peter Parker, Carol Danvers, Tony Stark, Steven Rogers, Bucky Barnes, Natasha Romanoff, MJ, Loki, Thor, Bruce Banner, Mantis, Drax, Cinderella, Aurora, Snow White Cruella De Vil, Prince Eric, Kristoff, Judy Hopps, Nick Wild, Sofia the Second, Elena of Avalor, Isabel, Naomi, Mateo,Gabe, Esteban, Francisco, Luis, Prince Alonso, Amber, James, Cedric, Queen Miranda, King Roland, Hildegard, Clio, Desmond, Ivy, Hugo, Lucille, Hans, Elsa, Anna, Ryder Honeymaren, Lucinda, Rapunzel, Cassandra, Eugene or Flynn Ryder, Varian, Belle, Adam, Jane, Tarzan Meg, Hera Hercules, Ariel, Luz, Amity, Willow, Gus, Eda, Lilith, Hunter, King, Boscha, Ed & Em, Odalia, Alador, Skara, Mattholomule, Viney, Ann, Sasha, Marcy, Edric, Emira, and every single Mega Man character, except they're all genderswapped.. Will Smith inspired all of them to transition to their true selves. It took time for this to happen, Splash Woman was the first. It was the slap that was felt round the world, the most dysmorphic slap there ever was.
THE END
Because this whole time, you were too busy to realize that Will Smith was the main character the whole time! He spoke and acted through the perspective of our hero Sophia, but the whole time, it was about Will Smith! You didn't even realize it! You idiot! You moron! You fool! You dumbass! You buffoon!
This concludes the fr on god moment.