Chapter 58

TW: Death of someone very young (trying to avoid spoilers lol) and self harm mentioned in this chapter.

Cersei Lannister POV

I wake up one day and immediately head to the bathroom. I have to pee constantly now, which is quite fun. I still haven't been to the doctor, which I know is bad but I can't bring myself to go. My guess is that I'm about 4 months along since it's late April now. My back really hurts.

When I go to the bathroom, I see blood in my underwear. It's not just a little bit, it's like if I got my period while I was asleep. I'm scared, so I knock on Jaime's door.

"Jaime?" I ask. I hear a groan from inside. "Can I come in?" He groans again so I just walk in.

"What's up?" He asks, coming out of his state of grogginess.

I sit on his bed. "I'm bleeding," I say quietly. "I just noticed when I went to the bathroom. My stomach and back really hurt." Jaime shoots up, I think that woke him up enough.

"What do you want to do?" He asks. "Should we go to the hospital?"

"I don't know," I respond. "Spotting can be normal sometimes, and it'll make us late for school. I just wanted your input." When I start to get up, there's a blood stain on his sheets.

"That's not spotting, Cersei. We're going to the hospital." He gets up and gets dressed. I start tearing up.

"I can't Jaime," I say. "If I go, it'll make this whole thing real and I'll have to face that I'm having a baby."

"Cersei, you're bleeding way more than you should be. We need to go."

I wipe my eyes and pause. "Okay," I say. "I want our baby to live." He hands me one of his sweatshirts that will go below the part where I bled on my pants. I put it on and he guides me to the car.

Jaime Lannister POV

We get to the hospital, and they immediately get Cersei in with how much she's bleeding. They won't let me come into the room, even though I'm fighting to try to get my way in there.

"No one else is allowed in the room," one nurse says to me. "Only the patient."

"But I'm family," I say loudly. "Please let me in!"

"Only the patient." I'm made to sit in the waiting room, which honestly feels like hell.

That's the love of my life, that's my baby. I need to be with her, but I don't want to make things worse and get kicked out. I definitely can't tell them I'm the father. I sit down and I call father.

"Where the hell are you?" He says when he answers. "I just got a call from school saying that you and Cersei aren't there."

"She started bleeding, so I took her to the hospital," I say, cutting him off. "I'm making sure she and the baby are okay."

"Oh, okay," father says, acting surprised. "Let me know, just pay for it on my card." He hangs up.

After a while, Cersei is rolled out in a wheelchair to me. I can tell she's been crying, and she looks exhausted.

"Are you okay?" I ask, immediately getting up. "Is the baby okay?"

The doctor sits down next to me. "The baby didn't make it," he says. I put my face in my hands. "We did a procedure where we took what was left of the fetus out. I've perscribed some pain meds, and she should be able to go back to school and work next week. I'm very sorry. I've given her some pamphlets for resources for psychological help."

It all sounds very clinical, like he gives this speech all the time. I'm devastated, and I feel like this is my fault. If I had pushed her to go to the doctor, or to tell father sooner, then maybe we wouldn't be here.

"Do we know what caused it?" I ask.

"Something caused her body to reject the pregnancy," he says. "It's unclear what it was, but we think it was some kind of genetic deformity that wasn't treated early enough."

Of course it was genetic. I didn't even think it was possible for me to get her pregnant, and now I really wish we had gone to the doctor sooner. I wish we had taken more precautions, but I didn't think we needed to. We get checked out and I help Cersei into the car. She falls into my arms, crying.

"We'll be okay," I say. "I promise." After hugging, we drive to the pharmacy and then. home. She cries the whole way.

Cersei Lannister POV

I got a doctor's note so I could stay home from school. They said I can go back next week if my pain or bleeding doesn't get worse, but I think I'll go back before that. I'll need to distract myself. Jaime said he'd stay home with me today. It means a lot to me, I don't want to be alone with father and Tyrion.

Jaime and I have been mainly locked in his room all day. I've been alternating between reading, watching TV and crying. Jaime told father what happened, and I think he was more relieved than anything else. Daenerys texted me asking where I am, but I didn't respond.

Once the evening hits, I feel like I'm going to die from how sad and angry I am. I need something to release this emotion. I go into my bathroom and just cry while staring at myself in the mirror for a bit. I then grab some razor blades from the drawer, and before I know what I'm doing I just start slicing my arms up. I've self harmed before, it was basically my only way of coping with my anger when I was 12-14. I only stopped because Jaime didn't like it, and he worried about me.

Once I wash my arms off and get the bleeding to stop, I just keep crying. I don't feel any better from cutting myself. My hair is tangled, and there's blood in it. God, I feel so disgusting. To rid myself of all my emotions, I pick up the razor again. I don't keep cutting myself, though. This time, I take the razor to my hair and chop at it. I keep going until my hair is basically a pixie cut.

The gravity of my actions doesn't even occur to me until after I'm done. I look down and there's hair all over the floor. God, what have I done? I need to call someone, my best friend is the only one who can help.

I call Dany, and she immediately picks up. "Hey," she says. "Where were you today?"

"Can you come over?" I say between sobs. "I had a miscarriage and I just did something stupid."

It's silent for a few seconds, I think she's in shock. "Yeah, I'll be right there," she finally says.

Daenerys Targaryen POV

I drive over to Cersei's house after cheer practice, I can't believe she lost her baby. I'm sure she's devastated, but I can't help but think part of her is also relieved. I walk in and Tyrion tells me Cersei is upstairs. I go up and knock on the door to her room.

"Cersei?" I ask.

"Come in," she says, sounding hoarse. I walk in and I'm completely shocked when I see her short hair. I let out a gasp. "What did you do?"

"I snapped," she responds. "Before I know what I was doing, I was cutting it all off. I was hoping you could help me even out the ends."

"Yeah of course, but you know I'm not doing cosmetology anymore." Maybe I'll go to cosmetology school after I get my degree, since it's what I really want to do. My dad thinks it's better for me to get a business degree, and I want to make him happy.

We go to her bathroom, and she sits on the stool that she brought in. "Why did you do this Cersei?" I ask her. "You loved your hair."

She starts crying again. "I felt like I needed to chop off my hair to get rid of this pain," she says. "I don't know why. It was something to distract myself."

"Are you okay?"

"As okay as I can be. I really thought this baby could be something positive for us, for me. But now I have to move on, focus on getting the hell out of here and going to school."

There's a long pause as I'm trimming up her ends. I feel like there's nothing I can say that will help, so I just say the only thing I can think of. "You know you can rock a pixie cut."

A/N: I'm sorry if this wasn't written well, I tried my best with my limited knowledge. I always planned for Cersei and Jaime's storyline to take this direction, and I hope it turned out okay. :)