I was all-but grabbed by the arms and forced onto my bed. I sat up and rubbed my arms. "Talk about what? Why did you drag me back here? Don't we have to leave?"
Iida pushed up his glasses. "And we will, as soon as we get answers."
"Answers?" I asked incredulously. "Answers about what?"
"Uraraka," Todoroki said in a neutral tone, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
I took a deep breath. "Okay, what about her?"
"We knew you were close, Midoriya but…just how close are you two?" Iida asked.
"What are you, Mina? What kind of question is that? She's my best friend!" I exclaimed. This was getting ridiculous.
"She's ill but she went to the sports festival regardless to see you. She told off Bakugou when he was rude and when you were brought in and unconscious…she was frantic. You missed the worst of it while you were sleeping. She ran down to our room in the hospital, Midoriya. A nurse snapped at her about her heart rate getting too high and being reckless. They brought her wheelchair in, but she refused to leave until you woke up," Iida said.
"It made me sad," Shouto added. "And I knew you were fine."
She really…ran? Just to see me? That girl…
But I was still confused. "I feel like there's more to this than you're saying."
"Are you guys secretly dating?" Todoroki asked, with no trace of joking whatsoever in his voice.
Now I knew they were out of their minds. "What?!"
"Answer the question, Midoriya!" Todoroki said.
I shook my head. "No, we are not secretly dating. We're just best friends."
"So you like her," Iida said.
"What? No—I—" I stammered.
Where was this coming from? And why were they springing all these questions on me now?
"But you stare at her," Todoroki said. I was about to refute his claim when Iida cut me off.
"Yes we know you were surprised to see her but the way you were looking at her though. You were staring at her like she was the only thing in the world that mattered," Iida said.
"You two have been hanging around Mina too much," I said. "Or romance novels. Nobody actually looks at people like that."
I wasn't prepared for this. I wasn't ready for them to ask me questions like that.
Do I like her? How am I supposed to know?
I took a deep breath. While I was unprepared for their questions, they didn't have any ill intentions. This was all new territory and I wasn't all that sure how to respond. There wasn't a truth to tell them, so I said what I considered to be close enough. "I don't have time to like someone right now."
Their expressions dropped.
"I don't think it works like that, Midoriya," Todoroki said.
"I mean, if you don't, we're sorry for pressuring you. But it just really looks like you do," Iida said.
I was starting to calm down from my panic. I supposed this is what friends do, ask about girls and share secrets and stuff. They were trying to support me.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap like that. It's just…I hadn't ever thought of it before. I've been so busy with UA and visiting her…isn't stuff like that something you're supposed to just know?" I asked.
"Not necessarily," Todoroki said. "Sometimes it catches you off-guard and you don't realize it until you're already in-deep."
Iida and I eyed him suspiciously. "You sound like you're speaking from experience there."
He shrugged.
I cleared my throat. "I don't really have any experience with this sort of thing so I have no idea what to expect or look out for. I'll…think about it and let you guys know."
They seemed to accept the answer, nodding thoughtfully and I felt it was finally safe to get up from my hospital bed.
I turned to Todoroki as we started toward the exit. "So what's this about being in-deep?"
So much has happened since the internships I wasn't ignoring Ochako, not purposefully at least. I felt terrible that it had been two weeks since I'd last visited her, but it's been madness and I can barely keep my own thoughts straight. Between end of term exams, Shigaraki cornering me in the mall, the summer camp trip that went horribly wrong and the mission to save Kachan resulting in All Might's final battle, I was stretched so thin that I was about to snap.
The league was in full force and they had taken out our most powerful defense, my mentor, leaving me impossibly large shoes to fill with no time to grow into them. I had barely gotten to where I didn't injure all my limbs to use my quirk and that wasn't nearly enough. I needed to be more. So much more.
It was too much. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't relax.
No matter what I did, it wasn't enough. If I focused on one thing, I was letting down someone else. If I trained, I neglected my studies. If I studied, I was neglecting my training. If I spoke with one friend, I was ignoring another.
Even the weekends when I could finally see my mother couldn't bring me peace.
"Honey," mom said one early afternoon. "Is everything alright?"
No. It's awful.
"I'm fine. Just a lot going on."
She gave me a look like she knew there was more, but she sighed. "I know you have a lot going on and goodness, I think it's far too much for someone your age,"
She didn't even know about One for All. She barely knew any of it.
"But maybe you should talk to Ochako about it."
Ochako?
"I don't want to bother her with my troubles," I said. "She has enough going on."
"I don't think she appreciates you holding back on her account," mom said. "She's sick and it's hard on her, yes. But don't you think she's the kind of person who feels better when she can help someone? Don't forget she wants to be a hero just like you."
Mom was right, but something about the way she said that made me worried. Like she was holding back information from me.
"Have you seen her recently?" I asked.
She nodded. "I see her every Sunday, dear."
"Did she say anything concerning?" I asked.
"I remember when she came over and was so excited about those pajamas I bought you two," she said, ignoring my question.
She walked over to the picture we'd taken together and I couldn't help but stare at it too. Her face was a lot fuller and her smile, gosh her smile was so bright there. Our first and only sleepover. Watching movies and eating pizza until she fell asleep. That was one of my fondest memories.
I looked over at mom about to ask her again when she got a sad look in her eye, her smile morphing into a deep frown. "Just…go see her soon. I'm sure it'll help you feel better too."
Go see her soon? She wouldn't just casually say that. And if she wasn't going to tell me, I would talk to Ochako about it. I all but ran out the door and made my way over to the hospital. The receptionist and nurses smiled seeing me again, after all this time they knew me by name and I stopped short just outside her room where Ochako's mom came out.
Mrs. Urarka had tears in her eyes.
"Is she okay?" I asked, panicked. My mind started to jump to dark and horrible conclusions.
The older woman did her best to smile, but it didn't quite meet her eyes.
"Oh sweet boy, I cry almost every time I leave," she said. "Don't tell her that though. Even if I think she knows already. Go on in, dear. She'll be so happy to see you."
Because I haven't seen her in two weeks.
I shoved down my feeling of guilt and anxiety that something was wrong and opened the door. Her smile was immediate. It almost made me forget how guilty I felt. Almost.
"Izuku!" She said, sitting up in her bed. The fact that she was in bed on a day she would normally be up at least in her wheelchair was a huge red flag.
I walked over to her quickly before she got any silly ideas about standing up. I hugged her over her bed.
"Hey, Ochako," I said with a small smile. "I missed you."
I felt her smile against my shoulder, making my stomach sink. "I missed you more! I heard about some of the stuff that happened in UA, you're okay, right? No major injuries? I heard you snuck out of the ICU when I was in the ED. I'm sorry I—"
I stopped her right there.
"You were in the emergency department?" I asked, pulling away and grabbing her shoulders. my heart nearly stopped.
Her eyes went wide and she covered her mouth like she didn't want to share that with me. Since when did she want to keep secrets from me? I suppose I had no right to speak since I hadn't wanted to talk to her about my issues, I hadn't been in to see her, and then there was One for All—
"You're rambling," she said softly. "I-um, had another heart thing. But I'm okay!"
"You're still having issues with your heart?" I asked. "Shouldn't your treatments help with that?"
She flinched and wouldn't meet my eyes. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself to talk to her properly. I gently reached for her hands and sat on the bed with her. Startling her with my panic wasn't going to help. "Ochako, what's going on?"
In a second, her smile was back and if I didn't know her like I did, I would assume that it was no big deal. But this wasn't a smile she gave when she was happy, it was one she gave when she didn't want you to worry.
"I haven't had any chemo in two weeks," she said.
Oh.
"Is your bloodwork weird again?" I asked.
She shrugged. "I think that's always weird. But Izuku, I wouldn't be back here if they didn't think I was okay."
I sighed, she was right about that. But still. If something had happened to her while I was away I didn't think I'd forgive myself. Is this why mom wanted me to visit her?
"Anyways, Inko said you've been really stressed lately. Do you…want to talk about it?" She asked.
I wanted to tell her I wasn't. I wanted to say that I was fine and that she had nothing to worry about. But mom was right, Ochako isn't the kind of person who takes well to that. It doesn't matter how heavy her burden is…she wants to help make it lighter. She wants to help. And if I was going to be a good friend I needed to accept that friendship goes both ways.
"Actually, I kind of do," I said, staring down at her bed. "It's a lot though. I'm sorry I haven't been around much and that I haven't been telling you everything."
She just smiled. "I understand that you're busy and really, it's okay when you can't come by. But I really do want to be there for you. You make me feel like I'm doing something good when I'm stuck here and can't do anything."
"I'm sorry," I told her again.
"I just said it was okay, Izuku!" She said, chuckling. "Come here and tell me about it."
Ochako reached for me and for a moment I had no idea what it was that she wanted me to do, I just simply let her guide me. She reached with one hand and adjusted the bed to a more upright position. She leaned against the bed and guided my head to her shoulder.
I'd been close to her before but this felt… intimate. I was extremely aware of how close my head was to her chest and how our bodies were pressed together. But she didn't let my thoughts spiral about how close we were. Her hand reached up into my hair and started combing her fingers through my scalp. Her fingers were so soft, my panicked thoughts from being close to her melted away and was replaced with warmth.
"Start from the beginning, whenever you're ready."
I could tell her…everything right? I'd debated telling her about One for All for a while but every time I'd see her we'd be distracted by everything else. All Might had said that it was my power now and I could do what I pleased.
It would be nice to be able to talk to her about it.
So I started telling her about the day I met All Might. I told her about saving Kacchan and being asked to be All Might's successor. I spoke about One for All and how I really was quirkless right before I met her. Then I told her about the league of villains and how stressed I've been trying to learn One for All while still keeping up with UA and now step up as the next symbol of peace. I vented about how I needed to be stronger and how inadequate I've felt. How sometimes I didn't feel worthy of being handed a quirk like that. Things I haven't told All Might or anyone else.
The entire time she remained silent, her hands stroking my hair was the only indication of her listening. When I stopped talking, her hands never stilled.
She stayed silent a few more moments before speaking. "I know me being here like this isn't very helpful for you either. Thank you, for confiding in me. I promise your secret is safe. This may not be much of a consolation but…I think All Might picked the best person in the world to be his successor. But you have too much going on. Do you really…have to do it all alone?"
I turned my head up to look at her and she looked back at me with a smile. "Your friends and the other pro heros…can't they help while you're mastering One for All?"she asked.
To be honest, I felt like it was all resting on my shoulders. My burden to shoulder. But…was she right? Was it okay to rely on others like that? Even if they didn't sign up to be symbols of peace like I did?
"But isn't that…putting people at risk?" I asked. As much as I'd like to not do it all on my own, I couldn't purposefully put anyone in danger.
"Izuku, we could die any day. In fact, we are going to die eventually. When you sign up to be a hero…you don't want to die but you're willing to fight for peace, with everything you have," she said. "Your friends and all the pros…they don't want you carrying everything either. They want to help."
She was right. She was absolutely right but it was still a hard message to take. I'd been running on the idea that I needed to become strong enough so that others wouldn't have to worry. That if I pushed myself enough, it would all somehow work out. It was what All Might did. But maybe I can go a different path.
"Thank you, Ochako," I said, sighing into her shoulder. "I should have talked to you so much sooner. I feel…so much lighter now."
"I'm here for you anytime, Izuku."
For the first time in weeks, I felt weightless.