Hope and eskimosgg, thank you for your reviews. Honestly, as long as the two of you keep reviewing, I will keep posting :) Your feedback makes me super happy, thank you so much for reading. We get to hear more from some other characters this time, and I hope you enjoy it! xoxo
They had never been alone together, not since she'd spent months secluded in France, with no one but the baby in her belly to talk to. The baby she would soon have to give up. Sometimes she pretended she would get to keep him, that she would bring him home to Rufus and they would make it work. They'd traveled the world, had lived more life than her mother could conceive of. Who was Cece to decide what kind of parents they would be? But then she remembered they had no money to raise him, and what if Rufus was angry at her for keeping it a secret for so long? She'd heard he already had a new girlfriend, an Alison, and so she convinced herself it was easier to obey Cece, even though giving up that baby, their baby, continued to be the hardest thing she'd ever done.
And now, twenty-three years later, it was just the two of them. Serena was at work (an internship at a PR firm, one she had gotten without any help, officially top of her class), Jenny and Eric were at school, Rufus had taken Evelyn to some baby music class, and Dan was away with Blair. A trip he forgot to tell Scott about, so when he showed up at the loft and found the door locked, he headed uptown to get the spare key from Rufus. But it seemed no one was checking their phones, especially not Lily as she took advantage of her increasingly rare alone time to edit the photos she had taken during their last visit to Dumbo, Brooklyn proving to be surprisingly photogenic.
When the elevator doors opened and she was faced with her eldest son, she felt her stomach drop. Not because she wasn't happy to see him – having Scott back in their lives made her as happy as Evelyn did when she said her first word ("Mama", for the record). Her stomach dropped because she was terrified she would fuck it up. She wasn't sure she had forgiven herself for giving him up, how could he have possibly forgiven her? What if she said the wrong thing? If she crossed some unspoken boundary? She still didn't know how to behave with a son that wasn't fully hers.
"Scott! What a lovely surprise." She kissed him on the cheek, her heart leaping in that moment, her body happy to be near his. His smile was wide, and seemingly genuine. She took that as a sign that she hadn't fucked this up yet. Scott had grown up in different circumstances than her children. He took the bus when he visited, refusing her offers of chauffeurs. She knew her elegance could feel impenetrable, even cold. It was another barrier between them, one that didn't exist between him and Rufus. She toned down her jewelry when she saw him, wore jeans, made sure to avoid fancy updos. But today she'd had no time to prepare, and now she was caught in one of her fancier dresses, a dress she'd decided to put on once she was certain she wouldn't be near any spit up for at least the next few hours.
"Dan forgot to leave the key for me, so I figured I should head here."
"Of course, you know you're always welcome. I'm just sorry you missed everyone. You'll be stuck with me for the next few hours." Her smile was tight, apologizing for her existence with the corners of her mouth.
"You make it sound like that's a bad thing." Scott liked Lily. He found her fascinating: the beauty of this woman who was his biological mother, the warmth she exuded when she was with the people she loved. He still felt undeserving of that warmth, didn't understand how someone so special could love him, a relative stranger. He didn't blame Lily for giving him up, if anything, he felt bad for her. Cece was the one family member he had no interest in meeting, and Lily wholeheartedly backed that decision. She felt protective over him, refused to give her mother an inch. She knew she would find some way to criticize Scott, to make it seem like giving him away had been the right thing to do. Which maybe it had. Maybe he'd been better off with a couple in their thirties who were settled and ready to be parents than a teenaged groupie cut off from the money she didn't know how to live without.
"It's not a bad thing. In fact, I can't imagine a more wonderful thing than spending time with you." He grinned, the primal need for his mother's approval ever present in his body.
"What are you working on?" He leaned over her shoulder, taking in the pictures she'd taken, the art she had so effortlessly created.
"Dan and Blair hosted brunch and I took advantage of Evelyn's naptime to explore the neighborhood." He scrolled through the images, increasing amazed by what he saw.
"When did you stop taking pictures?" He caught the look of sadness that flashed across her face, acutely aware that some kind of tragedy had just entered the room.
"After you were born." She paused, trying to control the tears that were brewing. "The last picture I took was of you." He froze, and the tension that seized the muscles in his back broke her heart. This pain that existed between them, she wished she could get rid of it. Make it all better, how much they hurt.
"Do you have the picture?" They locked eyes, and she nodded. He followed her when she got up, heading to the bedroom he'd never been in, watching as she pulled a box out from under her bed, a box only Rufus knew about, that she had shared with him after they were told their son was dead. They sat cross-legged on the floor, and as they looked at that picture, at all the pictures she had taken during her pregnancy, the only thing she'd had to remember him by for all these years, that final barrier between them was finally lifted.
When Rufus brought Evie home, Scott and Lily were attempting to make pasta, laughing as they discovered that a lack of culinary proficiency was something they shared. As he kissed his wife hello, she mentioned that Scott would be spending the night in Eric's bedroom so casually he wasn't sure he'd heard her right. The ease that existed in that apartment between him, his wife, and their children, it was a joy that no song could contain, that his lyrics could never express. He just let himself bask in it, watching as Lily and Scott discussed the many things they had in common over dinner. Even the inedible pasta was absolutely perfect.
A week later, when Lily edited the pictures she had taken of Scott that weekend, it hit her she might have the perfect subject for her first exhibit. And when she called her son to ask for his approval, she was thrilled that he agreed without so much as a hesitation. She was even more thrilled that he spent an hour on the phone with her, asking her questions about the past she was all too happy to answer.
Jenny was doing well at school. Very well. She was in her second year and some teachers had even suggested they would help her if she decided to run her own label, not that they suggested she do so. They were supposed to hammer in how vital school was, but truthfully, they were stunned by this girl, by her eye, by skills they hadn't encountered from a student since a young Marc Jacobs had entered their classrooms. Lily had already offered to invest, provided she finish her schooling. A stipulation Rufus had insisted on.
And so she was mulling over ideas, paging through hundreds of sketches in a coffee shop near campus, when Nate Archibald strolled in. She still couldn't see him without hearing his last name, that epic figure from her past. Nate. Archibald. Her biggest crush. A crush that had been thoroughly eliminated in therapy, once she processed that Nate had remained best friends with Chuck despite knowing what he'd done to her.
Nate smiled when he saw her, pulling up a chair, wordlessly assuming she would be happy to see him. She barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Gone were the days when she was desperate for Nate's approval. She knew exactly what she was worth, and it was a lot more than his pretty blue eyes could offer.
"Jenny! It's great to see you."
"Hi Nate." She took a sip of her cappuccino, avoiding his puppy dog gaze, eager for this encounter to end as soon as possible.
"I was just with your brother. Don't tell Blair, but NYU is near way better restaurants than Columbia." Jenny nodded, feeling so very awkward. She was trying to be polite, she really was. But she had work to do, and she didn't want to waste any more time on Nate Archibald. "They've been together for a while now."
"Eight months. It's easy to remember their anniversary, it's the same day as Evie's birthday."
"What's it like, being a big sister?"
Jenny wrinkled her nose, her true feelings coming through. "Weird. Better now that Lily got us white noise machines – that kid has an impressive set of lungs on her." Nate chuckled, and Jenny hated how her body was betraying her, how a part of her still found him oh-so charming. "But it's also kind of the best thing ever. She's been a great model for my baby line. And it means I get to see Scott and Eric more."
"Blair mentioned Scott's been visiting pretty often."
"Like once a month? Though Lily mentioned he's coming for Thanksgiving next week." Nate was the one nodding now, and Jenny knew it was her turn to ask him questions about his life, but she was so very uninterested. The only thing they'd ever had in common was a love of Guitar Hero, and that was a habit she successfully kicked once she left for Hudson.
"Hey, so I wanted to apologize." Those were words she hadn't been expecting to hear. Not today, and certainly not unprompted. She had spent a month in therapy debating whether it was worth confronting Nate only to decide it kind of didn't matter since she had no interest in having him in her life. "I really fucked up. With Chuck. Blair and I have talked about it, how shitty I was after the hotel thing."
"You mean Chuck selling her to the man who tried to rape Lily?" Jenny wasn't one for mincing words, not anymore. Softening what had happened, prettying it up, it didn't help anyone.
"Right. Sorry."
"And with me you want to apologize for what exactly?"
"I always chose to believe Chuck's version of events. It was easier. But when he talked about that night with you… deep down, I knew he'd done something unforgivable. And I never confronted him about it. I let him get away with a lot. I was his best friend, I could have said something. I could have let him know the way he talked about women, the way he treated them… it wasn't ok. But Chuck was good to me when my Dad got arrested and I just… I chose to focus on the good parts of him. But that didn't help you, or Blair, and honestly, it didn't help him. Blair told me it's called enabling? And then that night, when you came to our place… I'm sorry I wasn't home, Jen. I'm sorry I didn't even confront him about it. I've been a really shitty friend to you."
jenny smiled. Friend. She liked that word. There wasn't a shot in hell anything would happen between them romantically. But his easy, dependable friendship she had kind of missed. "You're right. You really have been." She said it with a smirk that let him know he'd been forgiven, or at least partially forgiven. He knew he'd have to work to earn the rest. Serena… that was an apology he was still working on, words he didn't know how to string together yet. But this was a good start.
"Are those your designs?" She nodded, and instead of watching him play video games, they sat there for hours as Jenny showed him her work, work he'd believed in since they were in high school, when he'd been taken in by her talent and kindness. Jennifer Tallulah Humphrey. A friend he had missed, that he was grateful to have another chance with.
They'd fought about Thanksgiving for months. Should Lily really have to host when she had an eight-month-old baby to take care of? The Waldorf home could easily fit everyone, and she was officially twenty-two now, more than responsible enough to take over the reins from her mother, who would be remaining in Paris this holiday season. She refused to do the cooking though, and didn't understand why Dan put up such a fight when it came to hiring a chef. He'd been wealthy for four years now, surely he understood this was how these things worked. But a home cooked Thanksgiving dinner was just that important to Dan, and to his stubborn father, who seemed determined to make the holiday as difficult for himself as possible. So the van der Humphreys would be hosting, with Blair bringing pies she would have to stay up all night baking. For all Dan's insistence on cooking, he was utterly inept in the kitchen. He prided himself on his dishwashing skills, and she pretended that was helpful. As though Dorota wouldn't have to rewash them all after he was done.
It was when she was kneading the crust for Harold's renowned pumpkin pie that he broached the subject. They were in their final year of school: he already had a job at The New Yorker lined up, and she'd been approached about an opening with The Costume Institute at The Met. They spent most of their nights together, especially now that they'd gotten over that initial sexual hump. After three months of enjoying that part of their relationship, she officially understood why someone like Oliva Burke had deigned to date him. Looking back, Serena had undersold Dan when it came to that department. Maybe because she wanted to avoid a situation exactly like the one they found themselves in.
She loved her apartment, and he loved his. But the commute from Dumbo to Columbia was less than favorable, and Dorota needed to work on being more welcoming during the nights he slept over. She was no longer a fan of Mister Chuck, but she couldn't get over the Lonely Boy from Brooklyn thing. Occasionally they'd booked a hotel room in Soho, and the absurdity of that choice when they had two empty apartments at their disposal was not lost on them. It wasn't a bad idea, and it was one she'd occasionally pondered, but she still dropped her rolling pin on the floor when he spoke the words aloud.
"Should we move in together? After graduation?"
She passed the now filthy rolling pin to Dan, her foot tapping impatiently as he slowly washed it. "I don't know Humphrey. Should we?"
"Why are you upset?"
"Because you made it sound like some sort of obligation. An item on your to-do list."
"I'm not exactly going to pull a Nate and get an apartment without talking to you about it first."
"Which is why I'm dating you and not Nate." She placed the pie crust in the oven to prebake, getting to work on the filling in the meantime. She'd agreed to make three pies for the various people in attendance. Nate had scored a last-minute invite, Scott was ditching his adoptive parents, and Eric was bringing the college boyfriend they'd spent the past year hearing about.
"Blair. I would really like to live with you. is that better?" He placed his hands around her waist, and she wrinkled her nose, certain the Tom Ford shirt she'd bought him had just been stained by the flour on her apron.
"Stop distracting me. It's your enormous family I have to cook for because you're all so traditional." Truthfully, Rufus' insistence on tradition was the one thing she liked about him. It was nice to know she wasn't the only one who felt that way, who enjoyed having a home cooked dinner to look forward to. She missed Harold's cooking, and she appreciated the way her boyfriend's father insisted on all these brunches and dinners and holidays with minimal staff involvement. Though she also knew Lily would need plenty of help with Evie tomorrow, since she'd essentially been single parenting it as her husband spent the past few days trying out several different gravy recipes.
"Would you like to live with me? Because it's ok if the answer is no." She looped her hands around his neck, letting herself enjoy this moment.
"I didn't say that either."
"It can't be the loft. Or here."
"I know that."
"And Dorota can't come with us."
"Shh. She hears everything. I'm not unconvinced she doesn't have this room wired."
"I'm willing to do Manhattan. Just not so… high up."
"We can discuss logistics. Cyrus could even iron out a contract."
"A contract would be helpful."
"September 2013 then? I imagine we'll spend the summer travelling."
"Naturally."
And they stayed like that as her crust finished cooking, sometimes trading kisses, sometimes trading barbs. At one point she even pushed him away ever so gently, and he retaliated by sprinkling her with flour. And when they showed up at the penthouse the next morning, three beautiful pies graciously transported by Dorota, Blair was certain this tradition, of cooking pies with her boyfriend Dan Humphrey, was one she would enjoy even more in their new apartment.