I do not own Red Dwarf or any of its characters
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Though he couldn't feel it, he could almost sense the relief of the cold metal ship against his hot holographic skin. How a hologram could even get sick was beyond him but now it didn't matter. His knees sat up to his chest as his arms cradled his torso. His trembling head leaned against the wall as he sat on the grated steel. Shaky breaths echoed down the red and gray corridor.
"Hol where the smeg is Rimmah? He hasn't been round in a bit and he's supposed to fix one of the scuttas. It keeps bangin into the wall annoyin the heck outa me.", said Lister somewhat annoyed as he ate.
"Sorry I dunno.", she replied.
"What do ya mean ya don't know? How can ya not know where he is ya know everythin.", said Lister.
"I'm not supposed to say.", replied Holly.
"Fa pete's sake Hol if it's somethin embarrisin I won't tell anyone.".
"It's not that.".
"Well what is it then?".
"He just asked me not to say.".
"Oh brother okay Hol I don't care.", said Lister giving up as he went back to his sandwich.
"Well maybe I should tell you.", she began.
Lister rolled his eyes as he often did. "Will ya make up ya mind Hol?".
"Well it's just that it may be an emergency."
Lister stopped as he looked up. "What do ya mean an emergency?".
"Well he seems ill, he's in one of the engineering corridors.", replied Holly.
"How can he be ill he's a bleedin hologram. And what's he doin up there anyway?", asked Lister.
"He said somethin about no one caring anyway or not wanting to look like a stupid git or somethin, he was a little incoherent though.".
"Oh brotha I betta go find him.", said Lister as he grabbed his sandwich and walked down the hall.
He got to the engineering corridors as he looked around at the dimly lit red metal stairs and platforms. His sandwich was long gone and he was fueled more by curiosity and obligation than annoyance.
Finally there was Rimmer in his night apparel of a white t-shirt, boxer shorts and socks as he sat on the platform ahead leaned against the wall with his knees upright. His skin was almost the same shade as his shirt and his ruffled hair hung over his forehead wet with sweat. He shook horribly and wore a face of agony. It was a foreign look to Lister he'd never seen on the mans face.
"Jeez Rimmah what have ya done to ya self?", said Lister with surprise.
Rimmers eyes were glassy and unfocused, bloodshot with red rimmed waterlines to match.
"Rimmah?", sort of yelled Lister just to get his attention.
Rimmer looked up at him unsteadily with an unreadable unfamiliar expression.
"Come on, we've gotta go to the medical unit.", said Lister with an annoying worried feeling knawing at him.
"No just go...leave me alone.", replied Rimmer quietly and slurred.
Once again Lister was surprised and wondered if he should reply. He decided not to figuring Rimmer probably wouldn't even hear or comprehend his words.
"Well it doesn't look like ya comin with me on your own mate.", said Lister as he reached into Rimmers torso to grab the little box that carried his life. Lister hissed almost dropping the box surprised at the heat eminating from it.
Soon enough they were there as Lister put the box on the bed and Rimmer once again appeared.
"Well?", said Lister.
"Who are you talkin to?", said Holly.
"You ya half-wit.".
"Oh sorry."
"Well?".
"Well what?".
"Fix him for the love of all that's smeggin holy!".
"I can't.", replied Holly.
"Why can't ya?", said a frustrated Lister rubbing his face.
"Well he has a holo-virus. It just has to run through and pass, theres nothin we can do.", she replied casually.
Lister anxiously looked at Rimmer who seemed miserable, shivering and curling his arms around his torso. His weary eyes drooped as he stared at nothing.
"Go to sleep mate, ya knackered.", said Lister with a pat on Rimmers head.
Rimmer obeyed letting his eyes close greatfully.
Lister found a seat as he lit a cigarette and put his feet up on the desk.
Night came as Lister shuffled in his chair. He was ready to clobber whoever was making a racket and waking him up before he opened his eyes to find a feverishly distressed Rimmer. He tossed and turned on the bed with restless beads of sweat rolling off his trembling skin.
Listers shoulders relaxed as he ran his hand through his hair contemplating what to do. What could he do even if Rimmer could be touched. There was no doctor around and certainly not one with a specialty in holograms.
An idea popped in his head as he left the room. He quickly returned with a few gizmos and a tv monitor. It was the dream recorder though in this case Lister wanted to see the nightmare Rimmer was experiencing.
After a few seconds the black screen turned into colors of beige and faded gray.
"Hey what's happenin guys! I just finished my annual ten day tuna binge and now I'm ready for some curry and poker!", said Cat as he strode into the room.
"Shh! Rimmahs sick with a holo-virus. I'm watchin his nightmare.", said Lister.
"Hey I wanna watch too! Got any popcorn?", Cat asked only receiving an eye roll from Lister.
A depressed frigid home painted the screen with a sagging ceiling and beaten walls. An older man looked forward with an empty frightening look in his eye. He sat across the table from Rimmers point of view. The dim light coming through the one window and food on the table indicated it was dinner time along with his three brothers and mum on either side.
"I won't ask again Arnold. What is the maximum speed of light for a first class cruiser in a gamma radiated nebula in the pegasus galaxy when theres a black hole field within two hundred thousand meters?", said the man whos cheeks sagged with silver stubble.
"Well hello sirs! I was just passing by when I heard-", started Kryton as he walked in.
"SHH!!", said Lister and Cat in unison never turning their attention from the screen.
"Sorry gentlemen. Holly fill me in would you?", whispered Kryton.
"Um w-well uh the um", nervously started the young Rimmer not more than eight years old.
"He doesn't know!", said one of the brothers with a cruel smirk.
"Yeah dad why do ya even ask him!", teased another as he took a large bite of a drumstick.
"I'm disappointed Arnold! No dinner for you as usual.", said the man slamming his fist to the table on the word disappointed making little Rimmer jump. The boy left the table softly putting his trembling napkin on his empty plate.
He stared only at the frayed blue floor as he walked down the thin hallway hearing his father's continued beratements.
"And if you expect breakfast tomorrow you're out of your little pathetic bodged brain! If you have one that is! And if the floors aren't scrubbed till they shine than no lunch either you hear me child!", the man continued until Rimmer shut the door behind him in his bed room.
The room was quaint with little belongings but for a small bed and a chest.
Rimmer curled up on the bed that he'd outgrown and held his knees to his chest. He cried into his arms as tears stained his sleeves. The whimpers of the thin unloved boy and stomach growls echoed in the hollow gray room.
The nightmare faded into blurry colors as Rimmer somewhat relaxed in his sleep.
"That was awful.", said Lister running a hand down his face.
"Yeah. I mean I always cry at the movies but this was just sad.", said Cat.
"That wasn't a movie Cat it was a nightmare or a memory or both I dunno. Poor Rimmer.", said Lister shaking his head.
"Indeed sir.", said Kryton with a frown.
Rimmer coughed harshly with a rough grip around his artificial lungs. It sounded painful, like sandpaper scraping together. Though it didn't seem possible Rimmer looked worse. Dark rings sat under his eyes mimicking the way his bones drooped wearily. He groaned quietly in his sleep as he twitched restlessly always wearing a helpless face of pain.
To their surprise Rimmers eyes suddenly cracked open into small slits. He sort of whimpered from his hourse throat as the hands around is torso shook uncontrollably. The soft whimper was like a scratchy beaten cry perhaps just to express the pain. It was hard to tell whether he even knew they were there.
"Holly give him water.", said Lister with quiet sympathy. A cup appeared in Rimmers hand and though he was pretty out of it he seemed to find his mouth and drink the mending liquid.
They collectively winced at each cough and fidget of the uncomfortable fever.
"There's gotta be somethin we can do Kryten?", said Lister.
"I don't know sir.".
The boys just sat for a while playing cards subtly watching over their ship mate.
"I'm kinda curious about how it worked out. With Rimmah and his family I mean.", said Lister as he laid down a card.
"Yeah me too. I wanna see if the old man gets it and those other jerks too. Maybe in the sequel.", joked Cat.
"Hey why not check it out? Let's look at a memory what do ya guys think?", proposed Lister.
"Well sir it might be an invasion of privacy. Though I must admit I am quite curious.", said Kryten.
"Hey that's never stopped us before.", said Cat.
"True.", they all said in unison.
Lister picked a random memory out of the bunch as the boys once again gathered round the screen.
Rimmers view showed what appeared to be a studio apartment with a large window, a radiator, a bed, a desk, a small closet and a very used punching bag hanging from the ceiling.
The bag was frayed and falling apart though he continued to punch it with determined strategy. His stamina was surprising and his technique was tight. White cloth wrapped his hands though they weren't doing much being stained with red. His breath left him in vapor as it disintegrated within the cold room. After a few minutes he stepped back almost in a stumble, breathing heavily. He turned and walked into the small bathroom behind him.
His shaky fingers turned on the creaky faucet as he put a hand on each side of the sink. He looked up at himself in the mirror as he steadied his breath, slowly unwrapping his hands. A young teen version of the Rimmer they knew looked into the mirror with pale cheeks and vibrant eyes. His nose and lips were red from the cold and his hair was ruffled and uncombed. His cheek bones cast a tired gray shadow and his irises looked weary. His bones hung thin, used to hunger.
The now hot water poured into the sink making a cloud of steam that hugged his goosebumps. Rimmer slowly ran his stiff hands under the faucet as he hissed. But then his shoulders relaxed at the warmth while the blood was washed away from his tortured knuckles.
He bent forward cupping his hands as he washed his face. He grabbed a nearby rag gently drying his face and hands.
As he exited the bathroom he grabbed a sweatshirt and opened the front door. The sky was dim with soft dark gray clouds letting fall large snow flakes that descended with ease.
Rimmer started walking with his hands in his pockets. A block later he looked up and slowed, a girl was walking towards him.
"I was just coming to see you.", he said with a small smile.
"Really? That's nice to hear. I missed you.", she replied sweetly.
"I missed you too.", he replied.
She moved her head down to meet his downward tilted gaze. She cupped her hand on his cheek as he leaned into it closing his eyes.
"What is it?", she asked quietly.
He slightly shook his head in the way that said it was nothing. Her eyes said she knew better but let it go for him.
He didn't think as he put his hand over hers. She looked at it with worried brows, finding both his hands as she held them gently in hers.
She looked at their damaged surface and back at him.
"You know you have nothing to prove. Your father and brothers are back where you left them, why do you still let their crazy expectations haunt you?", she asked with only love in her words and concern in her eyes.
"I just...", he started not knowing how to finish. She wouldn't make him try.
"Let me help.", she said.
"Okay.", he replied quietly.
They walked back the direction he came as his arm sat over her shoulders. Her head sat comfortably in the crook of his neck.
"Have you eaten today?", she asked.
"No but I'm not hungry.", said Rimmer.
"You're lying.", she replied with a worried smile.
"I know but I ate my last can of soup yestaday.", he said with a smile that told her not to worry.
They were soon at the apartment as she told him to wait on the steps in front. A few moments later she came back out as she sat beside him. She slowly bandaged his knuckles with tenderness in her warm fingertips.
"I leave in a week Mariette.", he said as she stopped and looked up.
"For training?", she asked with a scared look she tried to hide. He nodded.
"It was always because of my dad that headed me towards The Space Corps. Then I sort of got used to the idea and I had no other plans or things to head for so I just stuck with it. You're the first thing to ever make me doubt that plan. Maybe...maybe I should stay.".
She looked down as a silent tear rolled off her cheek. "You can't. You have to go. You deserve better than this Arnold. They'll feed you and take care of you. Better than I could.", she replied shakily.
He shook his head as he took her hand.
"As long as we had each other it wouldn't matter. I could find work.".
"It's too late. You know you can't un-enlist. If you tried to run they'd arrest you.".
The tears flowed harder now as he wiped her cheek and settled his hand on her chin. He lifted it gently.
He brought her in for a kiss that was perfect in every way. They hugged with scared desperation as the snow and tears fell in slow unison. They closed their eyes concentrating on each others presence and warmth as the screen faded to black.
The three boys stared at the empty screen with speechless shock. The boys who always had something to say, some joke to add or comment to make suddenly had no words. They sat looking at Rimmer knowing they were all thinking the same thing. They had really thought they had the man pegged.
A few hours passed as Rimmer seemed more relaxed and started coughing less and less. His cheeks had a little more color in them and his breathing sounded less inhibited than before.
His eyes cracked open as he tried to sit up a bit. He rubbed his stiff lethargic face as he propped himself up on his elbow. He almost jumped seeing Lister, Cat, and Kryten staring at him. They chuckled at that of course.
"What on earth are you three doing here? What am I doing here for that matter?", asked Rimmer with a raspy voice. The scratchiness and tiredness caused his usually cross words to lose their course effect.
"Well mate you have a holo-virus. We had nothin betta to do than sit here and watch ya be miserable.", said Lister with his usual smirk as his feet were propped up on the bed.
"Yeah and besides we had entertainment.", said Cat as both Lister and Kryton nudged him to shut up.
"What do you mean?", asked Rimmer genuinly.
Lister sighed deciding to just spill it.
"Well Rimmah you had a fevah and you were havin a nightmare and I was curious so I used the dream recorder to watch and then Cat came in then Kryton and it was about you and ya family and then we were curious so we watched one of your memories and it was about a girl and now we're still curious.", explained Lister.
Rimmer didn't seem angry like they suspected but more in thought.
"I remember the nightmare, though it was more like a memory. You watched the whole thing?", he asked.
They nodded in reply not sure how to respond to his underwhelming reaction.
"Which of my memories did you watch?", asked Rimmer.
"It was you as a teenager sir.", started Kryton.
"Yeah and a pretty girl was there too!", added Cat.
"Why didn't you ever tell us about her?", asked Lister cautiously.
Rimmer sighed as he pushed himself up a tad more.
"Mariette was the only steady girl I ever had. When I went into The Space Corps we had to part. She always said she'd wait for me and I always told her I'd come back for her. I didn't hear from her in a while then one day I got word that she died from some illness. I was left with a million questions and what if's and regrets. I was completely broken I didn't know what to do with myself. I just drowned myself in work and became utterly bitter. I think about her often still. What we could have been. I dunno.", said Rimmer with sincerity.
Rimmer was cast in a whole new light now and they didn't know what to think of it. He had always been a guy who was easy to disect and figure out. But everything they'd thought of him was wrong. Well maybe not wrong but the reasons for his ways changed things. Every harsh word and snub was because he'd lost the one bit of good he'd ever knew in the world. That would make any man turn against humanity.