"You're quiet," Kisame commented as they sat around a warm fire. The cool breeze of the night left Itachi's back cold while he faced the flames. He was tired. Tracking down the tailed beasts was challenging.
"I just need to rest. That's all." He knew he could tell Kisame nearly anything. Regardless, he had no intention in doing so. He couldn't even sort out his own thoughts. How could he begin to explain them to someone else?
Kisame only nodded. "I'll take first watch. Get some sleep."
Itachi moved from where he sat by the fire to lay on the blanket near him. He was still close enough to feel the heat and he watched the flames dance as he let his thoughts consume him.
"What did you do?!"
He had never heard Kakashi so angry, and certainly never directed at him.
"What I had to."
"That's bullshit and you know it! Do you know what they're saying? You killed your entire clan. Tachi…," his anger broke and his tone was pleading now. "Please… tell me they're wrong."
"And what is it to Kakashi the Friend Killer? We put our missions above lives. Or did you forget that? You've gone soft."
At that, the white haired shinobi tore off his hitai-ate. "You made a mistake coming here. I'll take you to the hokage, dead or alive."
Itachi smirked, showing a confidence he didn't have. He knew he could take Kakashi in a fight. He hadn't enjoyed what he had done, though. And he had never wanted Kakashi to look at him this way, as if he didn't recognize the boy in front of him.
"I was just coming to say goodbye." That wasn't true. Not entirely. Kakashi had been his last connection here, aside from his brother. Unfortunately, his brother needed the village. Kakashi, on the other hand, was like him. Kakashi had no one. Except Itachi, of course. Would he leave with him if Itachi was allowed to explain himself? Could they escape together? Start a new life? Start over, somewhere they didn't have to kill for a living. A place they could just be. Enjoy their nights watching the stars or learning to cook or… his chest tightened painfully. The future he had hoped for, knew he didn't deserve but desired anyway, flashed before his eyes and washed away just as quickly. Kakashi had made it clear. No matter the reason, Itachi was the enemy now. Why had he even tried to come talk to him?
Kakashi ran at him, but Itachi was gone. "So you won't hear me out?" He called from a branch above his closest friend.
"There's nothing you can say! The village above all else, Itachi!" His full name? Yeah, he was pissed.
Could he explain it all now? Could he convince Kakashi? Even if he told him everything, he already knew the answer. This had been a waste of time. There was no way Kakashi would come with him. He'd burnt this bridge along with every other one leading him back to Konoha.
"You're right. I'm sorry, Kakashi. Maybe one day you'll understand. Until then," he stood on the branch, ready to make a quick exit, "please watch over Sasuke."
And then he was gone. Leaving a fuming Kakashi behind.
———-
Thinking about it now hurt his chest all over again. The one person he thought could understand him, could see his true self and intentions even when he struggled to see himself… that person despised him.
He hasn't realized he had tears forming in his eyes until he felt them fall. He knew how pitiful he looked, laying beside the fire crying. The great Itachi, a formidable Akatsuki member, nothing but a mess of a person.
He heard Kisame stand and suddenly felt him lay behind him on the blanket. "Hey," an arm wrapped around his waist as a gentle kiss was planted on his cheek. He could sense Kisame propping himself up behind Itachi on his other arm. "It's gonna be ok."
"I'm sorry, Kisame. I shouldn't be so weak-"
"You're not weak. You're the strongest person I've ever met." He removed his hand from Itachi's waist and brought it up to run his fingers through Itachi's hair, grooming the stray strands back towards the nape of his neck. "People like us don't leave home because we've led happy lives, Itachi. I don't know everything you've done or seen, but you've had my back countless times already. You've already shone me everything I need to see. You're strong and you're loyal. So if you need a moment to break down once in a while, I've got your back. Ok?"
Itachi felt the tears coming easier now. He had barely been holding back and Kisame's kind words had done him in. He turned and curled into his friend, sobbing as he clutched the Akatsuki robes that matched his own. Kisame would never tell anyone. And Kisame wouldn't judge him. It hurt. Being alive hurt. And Kisame knew that.
Danzo looked up at him with a wicked grin. "You're a wanted man, Itachi. You should leave."
"So you've heard? It's done." After his failed meeting with Kakashi, the Uchiha had one more stop to make.
"Yes. And now you leave. Thank you for your service to Konoha," he said sarcastically.
"I have some demands first."
"You don't get to make demands."
"I could dismantle your secret organization. Better yet I could murder you where you sit. You know I could. So let's not pretend I don't have the upper hand here."
His smile fell and he sneered. "What do you want?"
"If you ever lay a hand on my brother, you're dead. You never tell him the truth and you protect him. No matter what. Understood?"
"Fine. Now go."
Itachi shook his head. "One more thing." He felt the tightness in his chest again, but he pushed past it. "Remove Kakashi from ANBU."
Danzo had the audacity to scoff at that. "Absolutely not. He's a cold blooded killer. He's perfect."
"Exactly. He's had everything taken from him. He was forced to grow up too quickly. He's known nothing but loss. If you keep pushing him, he will eventually snap. He's given more than enough of himself to Konoha and to you. He deserves to have a chance at a normal life now."
"What would you suggest? Make him a squad leader for genin?" Danzo laughed at the notion, but Itachi didn't care where they put him. Anywhere was better than ANBU. "That would destroy him. He's a killer. He needs-"
"I'm not here to negotiate. These are demands, Danzo. Take Kakashi out of ANBU."
Danzo narrowed his eyes at the Uchiha before finally muttering, "fine. That's it, though. You're out of favors."
Itachi smirked. "Yeah, yeah. I could kill you in an instant. Keep playing the tough guy act. Now that there's no army of Uchiha's out there, you're getting a little cocky. Might want to keep that under control."
"I don't need advice from the likes of you."
Itachi waved his hand dismissively. "It's fine. I'm leaving anyway. If you break those promises, though," his eyes shone dark red, "I promise I'll be back."