You and I were made for this. I was made to taste your kiss.
Emily's eyes were swollen and sore when she woke the next morning. She'd cried for a long time before finally falling asleep. She couldn't stop bouncing back and forth between angry and sad. She wanted to punch Craig in the face and never see him again.
She made herself get up and start the day. It was early enough that both kids were still sleeping. She didn't see Lee on his pull out, so she felt curious as to where he'd be and went looking. She checked the garage first, and she found him leaning his hands on the hood and looking down at Charlie's car he'd been working on.
"Hey," she said, making him look at him. "Did you fix it finally?"
"Yea," he answered. "It's done."
"Wow. It looks great."
"Yea," Lee said absently. Then he pushed himself up and came towards her slowly. "How're you doing?"
"I'm fine," she said automatically.
"Em, be honest," he said tiredly. She bit her lip, knowing she had to in order to move on from it all.
"Okay, I'm really hurt, but I'll be fine eventually."
"Thank you. Was that so hard?"
"It was," she answered, hugging herself. She looked at him and saw how tired he was. He must not have slept much last night. "Come on. The kids are still sleeping. You should get some shut eye before they wake up."
"It won't be very long."
"That's fine. As long as it's something." She gestured for him to go by, so he did. He cleaned his hands and arms up while she went to the pull out and sat on her side. She wasn't really sure what she was doing if she was honest. She just wanted to be with him right now. It was making it hard for her to feel angry at Craig when she was also having a wandering eye. She never would have acted on anything, though, without ending things with Craig first...if she even wanted to act on whatever this was she was feeling. She still doubted it was real...figured it was just misplaced feelings.
"Oh, God," Lee groaned, sitting down on his side and resting on his back. He exhaled slowly, trying to relax. Emily folded her hands on her lap, staying quiet.
...
Lee was curious as to what she was doing, but he didn't say anything. He lay there feeling tired but couldn't close his eyes. He waited her out, and eventually, she spoke again.
"Why don't you sleep well?" Emily asked, holding his gaze.
"You don't wanna know," Lee replied, looking away. Flickers of memories trickled through his mind in that moment after that question.
"I found your Victoria Cross," she said softly, and he tensed. Then he looked at her again. She looked a bit sheepish.
"How?" he asked.
"I saw it amongst your things yesterday in the office. I...I didn't know," she said, and he felt slightly aggravated. He didn't even know why he carried that damn thing around. What good was it for? To remind him of the ones he hadn't been able to save?
"I don't even know why I accepted it," he said. "I think, honestly, I was too in shock still."
"What happened?" she asked. "If you want to talk about it, I mean. I understand if you don't." She kept looking at him, and he drew in a long, shaky breath. He hadn't talked about it with anyone except Charlie.
"It was an ambush," he started slowly, running a hand over his head before letting it rest on his chest. "I don't even know why we were there. I just knew I had to get everyone out...so I did."
"Wow," she said. "You must have been so scared."
Lee felt the kick of emotion at this statement. Whenever he told someone he was former SAS, they always went on how brave and strong he'd been. She was the first one to ever hit on one of the biggest emotions he'd felt during that time.
"You're right," he agreed, nodding. "I was. A lot."
Now she was the first one to know this truth.
"I'm guessing you lost some that day," she said, reaching to put her hand over his on his chest. He said nothing for a moment as her fingers intertwined with his. He could still hear the pleading from one of his fellow soldiers as he lay dying in Lee's arms.
"I did," he confirmed after clearing his throat. "I got them out, but I was too late." He met her eyes and saw nothing but compassion there. There was no "poor you" about it. She was just there in the trenches with him.
"Were Barney and the other guys with you there?" Emily asked. "I didn't want to say it, but I'm not blind. They're soldiers too, right?" He drew in another breath. He felt like now was the time to tell her. He didn't want to hurt her later on down the road.
"No," he answered. "They're my team from after the SAS."
"After? What do you mean?"
"We do work for the CIA or other private agencies. We take down terrorists, extract kidnapped victims, interfere with drug runners...you get the idea."
"I see," she said. "So, you're still in the military?"
"I'm a mercenary," he corrected. "We all are."
"Oh."
He held her gaze still, and she looked like she was taking it all in and processing it. She didn't look frightened by it so far.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner," he said next. "I...I didn't want to freak you out."
"It explains the tattoo," she stated. "You've all got one."
"Yea. Barney's idea."
"Are you still doing jobs?" she asked after a moment.
"No," he replied. "I haven't since I moved in here."
"Was Charlie...?"
"No. His father was."
"That's why you think Charlie and Monica were murdered," she said, getting it.
"Yea," he agreed. "There's just nothing coming up to prove it, though."
"Hmm," she said, playing with his fingers. It sent jolts of energy through him. He never wanted her to stop.
"You're not scared?" he asked her, and she looked at him again.
"Scared?" she repeated.
"Because of who I am?"
"No," she said after a moment. "It's you. I see it now, and it makes sense. I was trying to figure out what you did for work or how you had so much money, but I get it now."
"Most people run screaming when they find out who I am," Lee reasoned. It hardly seemed true, that she was sitting there accepting him for everything. He moved to sit up so that he was shoulder to shoulder with her. Her hand was still in his.
"I'm not like most people," she advised.
"I see that," he said quietly. He looked at her intently, feeling that pull again. She went slightly red in the face and turned her head away, letting her hair hide her a little. She didn't let go of his hand, though.
"Teddy had a good day yesterday," she said, changing the subject.
"He did."
"Was everything alright with Connie? She left in a hurry," Emily said next, meeting his eyes once more.
"We have paused our relationship," he confessed, and he noticed something in her eyes. If he wasn't mistaken, it looked like relief.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"It's okay. It's probably for the best."
"I see." She looked at their hands as he smoothed his thumb over her palm lightly. Lee felt like he wanted to make a move, but he didn't know if he should. He didn't want to push her away.
"I'm going to go for a walk," she said finally, not addressing the tension between them, which disappointed him.
"You want company?"
"No, it's okay."
She let go of his hand now, getting up. He stayed put, trying to figure out what to do or say next. In the end, a knock on the door changed the direction of the moment, and Emily went to find Barney standing there.
"Oh, hey," he said. "Lee up yet?"
"In here," Lee advised, and Barney came through the door and went towards him. "Why are you here so early?"
"Couldn't sleep," Barney dismissed. "I, uh, did some negotiating a few hours ago, and the problem we were dealing with is now solved."
"That's good," Lee said, understanding.
"The boys wanted to take Teddy out today for a bit," Barney added. "If that's alright."
"That's fine."
"Nothing crazy," Emily warned, and Barney smiled innocently.
"Nothing crazy," he confirmed. "We can take Jenna too. Give you two a break for a few hours."
Lee knew exactly what his friend was up to, and he appreciated it. He didn't think anything was going to come out of it, though.
"Are you sure?" Emily asked. "That's nice of you."
"We love 'em," Barney said, looking at her. "Charlie was our family too."
"I get it," Emily said softly.
"You okay to stay with them while I help Em with something?" Lee asked.
"Yea, sure."
"Oh, it's okay," Emily started, but Lee was already steering her to the door.
...
Emily hated that Lee had been right. She hated that she had let herself trust Craig only to get screwed over by him. She hated herself for pining over Craig so much.
But her hatred was being buried under other feelings, and these ones were for Lee. These ones were unexplainable and surprising. When had she started to fall for him like this? Were these feelings even real? Or were they a projection? It didn't make sense.
"What are we doing?" she asked as they headed for the garage, her hand in his.
"Facing our fears," he answered. "I've been afraid to drive this car after fixing it because of how it would make me feel, but I'm doing it now."
"And what am I doing?"
"You'll see."
She had an inkling, but she kept quiet. She watched him struggle for a moment before turning the engine over and putting the car in gear. He drove her to the park.
"Oh my God," she said when he parked and they got out. "No, I can't."
"Of course you can," he said simply, reaching for her hand again. She let him take it, feeling charged by his touch in that moment more than usual. It took over her feelings of angst she was having about what she was about to do. It was early enough in the morning that no one else was there. They headed for the swings, and she felt like she was five years old again when she sat down on the seat. It made her heart ache, but the pain did not swallow her whole like she'd been afraid of. She took some breaths and closed her eyes, reliving the memory of her father and finding herself feeling a tiny bit of happiness from remembering his laughter and goofiness about jumping off the swing.
"Well?" Lee asked. She opened her eyes again.
"I'm okay," she answered.
"Good," he said, sitting in the one beside her.
"Oh my," she said, starting to swing slowly. It had been so long. She remembered how much she loved it. She let the happy memories come up instead of the sad ones. She made Lee laugh by whooping every so often when she went back up.
"Now," Lee said after a bit; they were in sync. "Teddy said something about flying..."
"I am not jumping in heels," Emily warned, shaking her feet.
"Then take them off," he suggested. She looked at him, and he was smirking back at her.
"Alright," she said. "But I must warn you, I am very good at jumping."
"We'll see," he taunted playfully. She kicked off her shoes and pumped harder. She dodged his hand that was reaching out to slow her down, laughing as she smacked it back with hers. Then she jumped, landing hard on her feet in the sand and instantly toppling over onto her side. She rolled onto her back just as Lee jumped.
"Ah!" she yelped when he crashed down next to her, jerking out of the way.
"Ow," he said as he caught his breath. "That hurt more than I remember." Emily was giggling and looking at him as he rolled onto his back next to her.
"I believe I won," she commented.
"Barely."
"It was more than an inch!" She was still laughing, as was he.
"Look at us," he said after a moment. "Conquering our fears."
"Feels good," she admitted. She felt something inside, something that made her want to kiss him, but she was afraid to. She didn't think she even should, that it was too risky.
Then she started thinking about her parents.
"What are you thinking?" he asked. She swallowed.
"I used to think that maybe my parents could send me a letter after they died," she said softly, the memory suddenly coming forth from nowhere. "I'd check the mail every day, just to see if they'd tell me they were okay. Then I thought maybe it would come from above since that's where they were. I got laughed at for it...cos you know, how could letters come from the sky?" She gave a forced laugh and sat up slowly. "My foster mother wrote one as a joke to tell me they weren't actually up but were down..."
"What?!" He sat up, too, with a jolt.
"I guess she thought it was funny," Emily said. "She put in there from my parents that I had to listen to her or else I'd go to hell too."
"You want me to kill her for you? I'll do it," he promised. She scoffed.
"She's not worth it." She clenched her jaw, trying to forget it. She didn't even know what had made the memory surface. She sniffed and wiped at her eyes, giving him a fake smile.
"Em..."
"It is what it is," she said. "It's okay. Really." She looked at him, and the desire was back, but she decided to just forget it and got back up, dusting as much sand off of her as possible. She sat back on the swing but didn't move. Lee got up as well and came over to her. Emily felt her heart race a little as he stopped in front of her, wrapping his fingers around the chains and bending so that his face was level with hers.
"How can I help?" he asked.
"I don't know," she answered honestly. She wasn't sure what she was doing here. He was looking at her intently. She didn't say anything as he slowly pushed her back in the swing until she was level with him. She pressed her knees against his sides to steady herself.
"I'm not sure if we should..." she started.
"Don't," he cut her off. "Don't overthink it."
"Just do it," she whispered, finishing the sentence. He was very close against her at this point. She closed her eyes when his lips finally touched hers. She felt the tentativeness of it and kissed him back to reassure him it was okay. She immediately liked his kiss and the way he did it. It made her swoon.
He stopped for a moment, reaching to touch her cheek lightly with his fingertips and take her in. Then he brought her back down so her feet could touch the ground, and she stood up and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him again. They stood there for a while, kissing slowly and then intensely, sweetly and then ravaging. It was everything that had built up between them since the beginning. Emily felt herself wanting more, but she didn't want to ruin this moment. She didn't want to ruin the relationship they had currently. Was this going to ruin their relationship? Was this going to end badly? The doubts and fear were trickling in slowly.
"I could do that forever," he admitted after another pause. They were both breathing a bit hard.
"Lee," she said, dreading saying it. "We can't do this."
"What do you mean?"
"If it goes wrong...if we fall apart and hate each other...the kids pay the price," she reflected, biting her lip. Those kids would have even more trauma and feelings of abandonment. She could see him wavering too as he thought about it. She could see he understood.
"I don't know if I can go back," he confessed.
"Back?" she repeated.
"Back to just friends," he said.
"We...we have to," she said slowly. "I just...I don't want to cause anymore hurt to Jenna or Teddy. If we don't make it, they'll lose another set of parents. I can't do that to them." She felt really bad, but she knew she was right. This wasn't a good idea. He exhaled roughly and pressed a hand to his face.
"I'm sorry." She pulled out of his arms now, feeling guilty and bad. He gave her a sad look in return.
"Alright," he conceded. "We don't do this."
"I'm sorry," she said again. He shook his head.
"Don't be," he told her. "Now we know. It was a nice idea."
"It was," she whispered, hugging herself. He smiled and started walking to the car. She already regretted saying no. She wanted to kiss him again. She wanted to do this, but she just didn't know how. She followed him to the car, and he opened her door for her like usual.
"Do you mind driving me by the office?" she asked. "I need to grab some files."
"Sure." They drove to her office where she got out and went inside. He followed quietly, taking it all in as they walked.
"It's nice in here," he said.
"Yes, it is," she agreed, feeling relieved that he was still talking to her normally. She'd been afraid he would close off to her. She found the files she was looking for and tucked them under her arm.
A sound in the hallway made her look to see Craig standing there. She tensed, feeling her anger rise quickly.
"Emily," Craig said, and that's when she saw his face was bruised a bit.
"What happened to you?" she asked, unable to help herself. He just shook his head.
"Don't worry about it," he replied. "Look, I've been trying to call you."
"I don't want to talk to you," Emily started.
"But I need to talk to you," Craig interrupted. He came closer to her. "I didn't show up the other night because my sister was having her baby and her husband was stuck out of town for work. I was all she had until my other sister managed to get here."
"W-What?" Emily asked. He had sisters? She felt so stupid for not even knowing that information, but when had they actually talked about their families?
"That other woman Andy photographed me with? That was my other sister," Craig went on. "She'd gotten there a bit late, but it was the two of us helping our sister with her delivery as best as we could. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but my phone died and you know how terrible I am at remembering phone numbers if they're not programmed in my phone."
This was true. Emily did have experience with that.
"You were at the hospital with your sisters," she echoed, feeling stupid now. All her angst towards him slowly started to melt away. He nodded.
"For almost 15 hours. Emily, I'm crazy about you. If the visit from the Goon Squad didn't prove that to me, then me feeling such angst inside at the thought of losing you did. I want to be your boyfriend. Can we try? Please?"
"I..." Emily noticed Lee was backing away now, a broken look on his face. She felt bad, but they'd just figured out they couldn't (and shouldn't) make things work, and she did still like Craig.
"Em?" Craig prompted.
"Okay," she agreed, nodding. "We can try."
"I won't let you down," Craig said, moving to kiss her and hug her. Emily wasn't sure what she felt. She'd wanted this for so long, and now it was happening. If only she could stop feeling so bad about Lee.
"I have to go," she said after.
"I know. I have to pick up my brother-in-law from the airport," Craig advised. "Oh, I almost forgot." He pulled out his phone to show her the picture of him holding his nephew. Emily found it to be a very endearing picture. Babies looked good on him.
"He's adorable," she said.
"I know. I can't wait for you to meet him," Craig said with a smile. He kissed her again. "I'll call you."
"Okay."
When he was gone, Lee slowly came back into view with his hands in his pockets.
"So, that happened," he said.
"What did they do?" she asked him.
"Who?"
"Barney," she said. "That's what he meant when he said the problem was solved, right? He did this."
"He just paid him a visit is all," Lee advised. She scoffed.
"And beat him up," she said.
"No. He wasn't supposed to do that."
"Who did it then?"
"I don't know," Lee said. Emily didn't entirely believe him, but she let it go for now. She walked to the exit, thinking about Craig and starting to feel excited slowly. Maybe they could work out. Maybe she hadn't been pining for nothing. Then she looked at Lee, and she felt bad all over again. But...there was no future there. They'd just established that. Was she to be alone forever because they couldn't make it work? And maybe her feelings for Lee really had been a rebound or a longing for something that Craig was now offering to her?
She watched Lee look at his phone, and he told her that Barney had texted stating Jenna was having a bit of a freak out. It was the first morning where they both hadn't been there after all.
"I'm sorry," she said to him as they walked back to the car. She stopped by the door, her hand on the handle, and Lee stopped next to her. She could see the desire to kiss her again, and she wished things were different, but they weren't.
"It's okay," he said, reaching to touch her cheek lightly. "We'll always have the swings." She felt like she might cry, but she swallowed hard and nodded. Sometimes, things didn't work out. Sometimes, that was for the best, even if it didn't feel like it right away. Then he went to the vehicle and got in, and she did as well. They drove back to the house in silence, and she desperately wanted to know what he was thinking. She put on her best fake smile for Barney and the kids when they got there. She busied herself with chores and Jenna, avoiding looking at Lee as much as possible. She didn't want to see the hurt on his face.
...
Lee felt gutted. He sat in the kitchen while Barney entertained Teddy and Emily was with Jenna. It was the first moment alone he'd had since they got back, and the others were coming soon, so he wouldn't get another chance for a while. He pressed a hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. He felt her kiss still...could feel her in his arms. He wished she wasn't so afraid to take a chance, but he had to respect her reason why.
He didn't want to hurt Teddy or Jenna either.
If they tried and it broke down with them hating each other, they would just cause those kids more heartache and pain, and they didn't deserve that. Lee tried not to think about the outcome where things did work out because that just made him hurt more than he already did.
Then there was Craig. He professed his feelings to Emily strongly, and he could see that she'd wanted it for a long time. Since they weren't going to take the chance, why wouldn't she accept Craig's offer? Lee wished things were different, but they weren't. He was going to have to get over it.
He thought about Connie next. He honestly didn't think he would proceed with it. He knew she had figured that out, but it still bothered him to think he'd somehow hurt her during this whole process. He really hadn't meant to.
Lee exhaled long and rough. He didn't know what to do, but he knew he couldn't be in another relationship if he had such strong feelings for Emily still. He had to work through that before moving on.
"Why so glum, chum?" Barney asked, joining him now after taking a break from the kids. Lee could hear the sound of a car and men's voices outside, signaling the arrival of the others.
"Nothing," Lee answered. He met Barney's eyes, and he was aware his friend knew he wasn't being truthful, but thankfully, Barney let it go for now. He rested a hand on Lee's shoulder instead, giving it a squeeze, before going to greet the others as they traipsed inside. Lee sat there, trying to motivate himself to get up when Emily came in with Jenna on her hip. She paused slightly at the sight of him, and they held eye contact for a moment until she bowed her head and went to the fridge to get Jenna something to drink. Lee ached with wanting to hold her again, but he hardened his resolve. He stood and went to join the others, doing his very best to stop thinking about what he wanted and couldn't have.
...
Emily's face hurt from smiling so much. It wasn't even a real smile, just the fake kind. Lee's team were nice and funny, and Teddy adored them, but she was having a hard time keeping it together. It didn't help that Barney kept stealing looks at her, so she figured he knew what had happened. She felt like such a tease, but she knew Lee wouldn't think that of her. For a moment, they'd allowed themselves to imagine what it would be like to be together, and the worst case scenario had scared her too much. She was doing it for Teddy and Jenna. That's what she kept telling herself. If they weren't in the picture, she'd give it a try, and if it burned out, it wouldn't matter. In this case, it mattered.
And then there was Craig, who decided he needed her after all. She owed it to herself to see if it actually went anywhere after pining for him for so long.
She was surprised to see Andy. The men were outside playing tag or Midnight Monster or something. Emily wasn't sure and had lost track. They were taking the kids out after lunch, which she was looking forward to.
"Hi," she said. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm just checking in," Andy answered. "Are you okay?"
"Yes. Andy, I saw Craig today."
"Oh, and?"
"He said the woman was his sister, that they were supporting their other sister, who was giving birth," Emily explained.
"Oh," Andy said, looking a bit guilty. "I guess we really jumped to conclusions didn't we?"
"Yea."
"So...you're back together?"
"Yes. He said he wants to be with me," Emily said.
"And does that make you happy?" Andy asked.
"Yes," Emily answered, but she wasn't entirely feeling sure now.
"Hey, Emily," Toll said now, coming in the back door. "You got Jenna's sippy cup handy?"
"Yea," Emily replied, going to get it. When she came back, she found Andy blushing and talking to Toll in between giggles. She faltered, staring. What the heck was happening here?
"Here," she said after a moment, holding the cup out to Toll, who took it.
"Thanks," he said back. Then he looked at Andy again. "Nice to meet you."
"You as well," Andy said faintly. Then he went back outside, and Andy turned to face Emily once more. "Who is that?!"
"Lee's friend," Emily answered, lifting a brow. "Why?"
"He's hot," Andy confided. "And cute. And funny. Is he single?"
"I have no idea."
Andy went to look out the back window, and Emily almost started to laugh. Who knew that Andy would crush on one of Lee's friends? Lee caught her gawking when he came inside, and Andy jumped back wearing a sheepish expression. Lee gave Emily a quizzical look, and she just shook her head in return, a smirk on her lips.
"Hello," Lee said to her.
"Hey," Andy said back.
"You like what you see?" he asked, teasing her, and she flushed scarlet.
"I was looking at Jenna walking," she said a little defensively.
"Uh huh," Lee said, slightly sarcastic. He shook his head and chuckled as he went down the hall and out of sight.
"You know you've met Toll before, right?" Emily asked.
"When?"
"At the funeral..."
"Oh. Yes, that's right! I, uh, I didn't fully notice him obviously. I don't even think we introduced ourselves."
Emily crossed her arms and gave Andy a look, which made Andy let out a nervous sound in her throat. She didn't know how to feel about Andy wanting to date one of Lee's friends.
"Do you think we should try those investors again?" Emily asked. "Or find a different one?"
"No harm in calling them," Andy said. "Makes us look eager."
They both watched Lee walk past and head back outside. He turned briefly to look at Emily before stepping outside and closing the door behind him.
"Wow," Andy said. "What did you two do?"
"Excuse me?" Emily asked, affronted.
"I know tension when I feel it," Andy said, gesturing. "You two reek of it. What happened?"
"Nothing."
"Emily, Emily, Emily," Andy chanted, shaking her head. "Don't lie." She held Emily's gaze, and Emily felt herself starting to break down. Seeing the tears, Andy moved to steer Emily to another room where they could be alone. Emily did her best to erase the tears and be fine, but it was proving difficult, especially with Andy giving her such an empathetic look.
"What happened?" she asked softly.
"I...I thought for a moment that we could do it," Emily said, her voice wavering.
"Do what? With who?"
"Lee," Emily replied. "I thought we could do it...be a couple. I...I let him kiss me today."
"But you changed your mind?" Andy asked, sensing this was coming.
"I did," Emily confirmed. "I just...what if we fail? I can't let Teddy and Jenna lose another set of parents. That's not fair to them at all."
"But is it fair to you to deny yourself something that could be wonderful and amazing?" Andy prompted.
"What if it's not? What if it's just a disaster?"
"Em, I think you're assuming too much here."
"I'm being responsible," Emily argued. "I'm putting those two kids first instead of me. Isn't that what you're supposed to do?" She could tell Andy was stumped by this; she sighed.
"So you're just gonna live together with this burning passion boiling between you forever? That's not good either."
"We'll be fine," Emily insisted. "And it's not burning passion..."
"Nuh uh," Andy said with a shake of her head. "I saw it in his eyes. He's in love with you, Em. That's not just going to go away overnight."
Emily fidgeted with her fingers. Was Andy right? Were Lee's feelings more than just that? Did he love her? No. No, he couldn't love her. That was impossible. She wasn't someone that people loved. She met Andy's eyes again.
"The worst part is I have no idea what he's thinking. I mean, what if I ruined the relationship we had by doing this and taking it back? By getting back together with Craig? What if he already hates me?" she asked.
"Em, I don't think he hates you or could hate you..."
"I just need to know where we stand," Emily said.
"So talk to him later," Andy urged. They were interrupted, unfortunately.
"Auntie Em?" Teddy's voice called from the other room.
"I can't deal with this right now," Emily said, moving to leave. "Stay or go, but I'm done talking about this."
"Okay."
"Hi, baby," Emily said, spying Teddy in the living room. "What's up?"
"I'm hungry."
"Okay. Let me make you some lunch then." She went to the kitchen, noticing Andy going outside to join the others. She put her focus onto the task at hand, trying to get the image of Lee's haunted eyes out of her mind.
...
Lee watched Andy come out and join them, making a beeline for Toll. It was obvious there was chemistry there, and it made Lee feel slightly jealous. It looked so easy, and here he was with strong feelings for someone but unable to act on them because of the complicated situation they were in and the fact another man had swooped back in like a big dumb dull dud. If he and Emily had met somewhere else, there'd be no doubts about dating each other. They'd just do it. He wished she could remember the spark between them seven years ago when they'd met at the wedding, but she didn't seem to, and he knew why.
"She's cute," Tool commented, sitting down beside Lee now. They watched Andy and Toll talk for a bit before Lee cleared his throat and shifted in his seat.
"Where's your girlfriend?" Lee asked, referring to Brenda.
"That was just a one time thing," Tool replied.
"Does she know that?"
"What am I, an animal? Of course she knows that. It was her idea," Tool said, affronted.
"Oh..." Lee frowned. He'd known Tool to have little flings here and there.
"She's a spicy lady that one," Tool advised, waggling his eyebrows.
"Alright, that's enough," Lee warned, holding up his hand. He didn't want to start visualizing Brenda with Tool. He still liked her as a babysitter and neighbor.
"Everything okay with you?" Tool asked, looking at him. Lee never could hide his emotions very well, and if he tried, Tool and Barney were the only two that were good at noticing and ripping it out of him.
"I don't even know," Lee replied honestly. "I crossed a line and I can't go back, but I have to."
"With Emily," Tool confirmed.
"Yea."
"Well, brother," Tool said, reaching to grip Lee's shoulder fondly. "Maybe just put the time in for now and see what happens."
"I don't see it changing," Lee insisted. "We will always worry about breaking up and hurting the kids. That's not going to change."
"Maybe you need to get to know each other that much deeper before you decide to do anything," Tool advised. "That way, you know each other's secrets and pain and talents or whatever it is you're keeping to yourself. Once you know everything about each other, including how you fight and how you make up etc., I think you'll both see that you can make this work. Relationships are constant work, you know. It's not like you jump in and then that's it forever. Things change, and you have to adapt and change with it...you either do that together or apart. If you do it together, you'll be better off."
"So you're saying date her," Lee said, trying to understand. "That's what you do when you date people. You get to know them."
"Yea, but leave out the physical stuff," Tool suggested. "That can just muddle things up and bring forth other emotions that don't need to be there right now."
"So be friends," Lee said.
"Your soul mates are your friends, Lee," Tool commented. "You can't really have a good romantic relationship with someone without being friends with them."
"Okay," Lee said slowly, watching as Emily came out and offered drinks to the others now. "So you're saying spend time with her and get to know her but keep my hands to myself."
"That's right."
"For how long?
"As long as it takes. Until it feels right," Tool said. "She'll either feel it too or she won't."
"Do I tell her that's what we're doing?"
"Up to you. You live with her, so you spend time with her a lot already. Use it wisely."
"And what about the boyfriend?" Lee asked.
"Ah, I think that'll fizzle out," Tool mused. "She'll come to that conclusion soon enough."
Emily had finished and was going back inside now. She briefly looked at Lee but not long enough to share any hidden messages in her eyes.
"How do I stop the strong feelings?" Lee asked, looking at Tool again. "Every time I'm around her, I just want to kiss her or something."
Tool reached over and slapped him on the face. It wasn't hard enough to hurt badly, but it still stung a little.
"Argh!" Lee yelped. "What was that for?!"
"You still wanna kiss her?" Tool asked.
"Well, yea..."
Tool smacked him again, and Lee got to his feet.
"What the hell are you doing?" he demanded.
"Reverse Pavlov's Dog," Tool answered.
"What?!"
"Instead of rewarding you for doing something good to repeat the behavior, I'm giving negative punishment for something you're not supposed to do to make you stop. Or maybe it doesn't matter if it's positive or negative reinforcement for conditioning...maybe it's all under the same umbrella. I dunno. I'm not a therapist."
"I'm so confused," Lee said.
"I'm conditioning you to expect pain every time you think of kissing Emily so you'll stop," Tool explained.
"Well, stop it," Lee ordered.
"Is it working already? That was fast," Tool chortled, stroking his chin thoughtfully.
"What the hell is going on over here?" Barney asked, joining them. Loud, raucous laughter from Gunner, Toll, and Caesar made the three of them look over briefly where Andy was grinning and Yang was just shaking his head.
"Just doing some training," Tool answered with a smile.
"You doing that damn Pavlov dog thing again?" Barney asked.
"Hey, it works," Tool said with a shrug.
"Bunch of hooey," Barney snorted, shaking his head.
"Be a dear and get me another beer, will you?" Tool asked him.
"You're lucky I was going to get one anyway," Barney replied, starting to walk away.
"Have a Werther's!" Tool called, tossing him one. Barney caught it and popped it into his mouth after unwrapping it, still shaking his head. Lee looked at Tool, who was smirking. He totally understood what had just happened, and he wanted to laugh.
"Uncle Lee," Teddy said, coming over to him now. "Are you gonna get the pool ready soon?" Lee looked over at the in ground pool off to the side of the yard. Charlie had always loved doing laps every day. Lee never understood the thrill of running through the cold to jump into a warm pool to do laps in winter, but his friend liked to do it. Lee had figured out how to maintain it, and Teddy had been pestering to use it since. Now that summer was around the corner, he figured it would be okay.
"I guess we can use it," Lee said. "I'll get it ready for later."
"Yippee!"
"You almost ready to go?" Barney asked him, having returned and tossed Tool his beer.
"Yea," Teddy agreed.
"We'll be back for five," Barney told Lee, who nodded. That gave him and Emily five whole hours to talk about what happened that morning.
"I'll see you later," Andy said to Toll reluctantly.
"You're welcome to come along," he offered, and her face brightened.
"Really?"
"Yea, sure," he said with a smile. By this point, Lee went to uncover the pool to take a look at it. Andy gave a slight shriek at the sight of something furry floating in the middle of it.
"Poor chippy," Gunner commented while Lee scooped it out with the net. Andy hid her face behind her hand as Lee tossed the dead chipmunk into the bushes.
"So gross," she moaned.
Toll caught Jenna as she tried to walk towards the water. She squealed as he tossed her in the air and then hung her upside down, making her giggle and laugh.
"Alright," Barney said. "Let's get moving." He corralled the men to the house and out to the car out front. It left Lee alone, and he was checking the temperature of the water with his fingers when a hand shoved him from behind, and he landed face first into the pool. He came up spluttering, jerking his head to look behind him and getting ready to let them have it when he saw Emily standing there and wearing a smirk on her face.
"You," he said, jabbing his finger at her. "You're dead."
She only smirked a bit wider until he pulled himself out and ran after her, to which she started to yell and shriek playfully as she ran away from him. He eventually cornered her by the fence.
"No, no, no," she begged as he hauled her forward and went to put her over his shoulder. "Lee, please!"
"You started it," he said, heading back to the water.
"No!" she half-shrieked, half-laughed. She fought him the whole way, but he won in the end by jumping in with her in his arms in the deep end. She laughed when they surfaced, and he did too. He suddenly just felt like he needed to clear the air.
"We good?" he asked her, and she calmed down and held his gaze, understanding his meaning.
"Yea," she answered. "We're good. You're not mad at me?"
"No," he replied, shaking his head. "It was a moment, and I'm glad we had it."
"Me too."
"If Craig makes you happy, then I'm happy for you," he added, although he didn't mean that 100%.
"I'm going to find out," she said.
He thought about kissing her, and he could feel Tool's hand hitting him. It startled him how quickly that conditioning was working.
"Yoo hoo!" Darla's voice called, and Lee flinched hard.
"Oh no," Emily moaned.
"Hang on," Lee said, moving to pull the cover of the pool over the section of the deep end. Then they went under it. Emily held onto the edge with her fingers, keeping herself as low as possible, the water just over her chin. Lee mimicked her.
"Hellooo!" Darla called. "I heard voices!"
Lee could hear her clacking around on the deck searching for them.
"We're so mean," Emily whispered.
"Shhh," Lee ordered, putting a finger over her lips. She didn't say anything else, just held his gaze.
"Where did everybody go?" Darla said to no one. Lee was happy to wait her out. He just wasn't in the mood. When he heard her leave after calling and pacing for a while, he still waited a few minutes just to make sure.
"I think the coast is clear," Emily said. She swam out, and he did too. She walked up the steps with him behind her, and she paused on the second last step to turn and face him. He joined her on the same step, watching her carefully. Her clothes were clinging to her and dripping all over the place, as were his. He wasn't sure what was happening here, but he didn't want to do or say anything in case it scared her off. He stood very still as she reached to cup his right cheek with her hand, but then she just kissed his other cheek.
"Thank you," she said. She didn't wait for his response before letting him go and heading inside. He followed, trying not to get lost in his thoughts.
They spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning the house. Barney brought Teddy and Jenna back alone, having dropped the others off at the hotel to pack before he picked them up again and headed for the plane.
"Thank you, Uncle Barney," Teddy said, hugging him. "It was so much fun."
"You're welcome, kid," Barney replied, ruffling his hair with his free hand. He set Jenna down, and she toddled over to Emily, who picked her up and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.
"Safe travels," Lee said, standing in the doorway as Barney got ready to leave.
"Thanks. Keep in touch."
"I will."
"No news, still, about anything," Barney added, lowering his voice. "Tool's still looking. We're all trying to figure it out."
"I appreciate it."
"Take care."
They clapped shoulders, and Barney was walking to his car while whistling a tune. Lee shut the door and listened to Teddy share about his day. Emily ushered him to the kitchen with Jenna still in her arms, and he heard her starting to prep for supper a moment later. Lee was mentally preparing for the week, feeling glad that school was almost over for the summer, when the doorbell rang. He scoffed, going to pull it open.
"What did you forget this time?" he asked.
But it was not Barney standing there.