Remember that flashback from chapter 6? This is kind of a direct continuation of it (happens 3 days later) and, while it doesn't have anything typically CW worthy, just keep in mind it's the same (or worse) vibe as that flashback.

Also, if any of my hispanic readers is here: Im gonna update in Spanish too, I promise! I had all of these in english already and Im lazy to sit down and translate jdssdf

After days of falling into the disappointment that reality meant, sitting down to practice watercolors was a good idea. A good way to empty Elsa's mind of constant negative thoughts and focus on what she was doing at the moment. On controlling the amount of water on the brush so she wouldn't make a disaster on the paper. It took a few tries, color wheels, shade tests and simple drawings from Youtube tutorials, until Elsa felt she could try something with a higher level of difficulty.

Elsa didn't go out of the house for the past few days. She didn't feel like going out after last Sunday, if she was being honest. Going out with friends (as she did that day) meant pretending everything was fine, or having to make up excuses in case they realized she wasn't okay. Something like an argument with her parents over not wanting to take her to a specific place for vacations, or that they didn't want her to go to a concert, or buy her the latest Iphone. Banal things. Things that no one cared about.

Cati was the only one that noticed, because Elsa didn't answer any of her messages until a day and a half later. And she was lucky her best friend was in Punta del Este, or she would already have knocked on her door with the police. All because Elsa answered "I'm back home."

This thing of sharing personal secrets was supposed to lift a responsibility off her shoulders, yet until now, it was the other way around.

That's why she muted her phone and went for a walk with Airpods on and a Gatorade bottle. Elsa felt like she needed to pretend she hadn't lost anything, that it was all due to tiredness of having too much peace and nice vacations. That it was a casualty that the nap she took later lasted hours, instead of trying to recover from nights where sleep was hard to come by.

Hence why watercolors helped, in its new form of entertainment and mental distraction. Her laptop had both the photo she was trying to replicate and the tutorial in case she forgot a step. Plus music to get in the mood. A Spotify playlist of pop songs to hum unconsciously. Just not too loud, nor with headphones. Forgetting about the world for a while didn't mean forgetting to be careful, not knowing always set her more on edge than just taking necessary precautions. Better to know when and not get surprised.

So she wasn't surprised when she heard steps on the corridor. The ones that made this deep, kind of muffled sound against the wood, more elongated per se, and confident. Both of their parents' footsteps were always confident. Hers were like that too, probably, when she wasn't in this state.

Elsa wasn't surprised to hear them because this was a house, and its inhabitants moved to get one thing or the other when they were in a house. It wasn't uncommon to hear them come and go.

It wasn't uncommon to stop right by her room and open her door. Without knocking, as her privacy was an abstract concept, it seemed.

Of course the slight squeak sound in the second hinge had been oiled. If Elsa weren't paying attention she would have even missed the little metallic sound of the inner working of the handle.

But Elsa was paying attention. So she knew. And her body started freezing, just in case. And the door closed slightly on itself.

She knew.

Elsa still kept trying to pretend she didn't, as always. Kept doing her thing, trying not to mess up the clouds. No matter if the cold dyed her nails a more urgent purple than usual, or her hands started to tremble slightly. She took all the more effort to keep painting and making sure the tone was the one she intended. The cold wasn't going to stop her, it was going to help her numb the pain.

Elsa prayed not to have to reach that point.

"Is that a new Aquarell set?" her dad commented, genuine curiosity lacing his voice. Elsa felt his presence loom over her, but just a bit. So she just sat straight by her chair and let him see what she was doing.

Maybe she could hope, this time.

"Ja, ein Weihnachtsgeschenk meinen Aunt und Uncle, mit dem Notizbuch. I told you the other day, remember?" Her left shoulder started to burn. The air turned cold around her hands. The one that was holding the brush stopped its slow motion against the paper.

Elsa tried to breathe through her nostrils, subtle, so she wouldn't show that she actually needed big chucks of air to feel like it really was reaching her lungs.

"Ah, true, you told me the other day. Sorry, sorry, your old man is tired."

The cold was taking too long to put distance between her skin and the rest of the world, and the affectionate little squeeze on her left shoulder felt as if it was burning up in flames.

Was it necessary, to torture her with uncertainty? Or this was a genuine conversation or there was another motive. No in-between. The only thing she asked for right now was clear signals.

Not like there usually were any signals. Sometimes you have to really pay attention to every movement to notice. Every detail.

"Too much work?" She tried to go back to pretend this was a casual conversation, adding a little bit of water to the brush then taking off a bit of the excess with the edge of the jar, and then retouching the pigment for her second layer of clouds.

Perhaps she should stop fooling herself and admit that she was just being stupidly hopeful. People won't change because you left for a month. Last Sunday was proof enough.

Elsa herself was proof enough.

"So etwas. There are too many things going on at the moment."

She almost wanted to ask him to delve further into that, out of curiosity, but bit her tongue instead. Since she came back, her parents have been more distant with each other than usual. It made her wonder if the divorce truly was a mutual decision.

"Oh," was what she said instead. This wasn't the right moment, it won't help her get out of this. Plus, not like they would ever tell her what was actually going on. You kept your problems on a leash and unless they got loose nobody was to find out about them. "Right."

Another brush stroke, a little bit uneven but easy to fix then–

"Why don't you take a break? It's almost seven, did you eat something?"

Of course. Of course.

This happened because she was stupid. Like always. Stupid little Elsa with her stupid little hopes. Where did she keep getting them from, again? A Disney movie?

She forced herself to nod.

"I had tea." It wasn't enough even if it was true. Nothing was ever enough. "Where's mom?" Elsa hoped her murmur didn't give away her fear. Her disappointment.

"She had a meeting with her lawyer after work." Conceal, don't feel. Don't feel. Don't feel. "Püppchen…"

Don't feel.

Don't. Feel.

Don't feeldon'tfeeldon'tfeeldon't-

"I'm almost done with these clouds, I'll take a break then."

It was stupid, she knew. She knew, she knew, she knew.

The cold was nipping around her eyes.

"You can finish them later, Elsa, they won't go anywhere."

Elsa was about to argue that yes, maybe they will. Just like the little peace she had until now. But there was no point in doing so. This conversation was never meant to be two sided. Never meant for Elsa to win it.

Bile rose quickly through the esophagus up to the throat.

She saw her hand go dead at the side, after noticing the brush malforming some parts of the clouds she had been working so hard to get right.

Her nose started to ache as the cold turned her muscles into ice, frosted her tears.

And Elsa, stupid, gullible Elsa, let the fire scorch her all over, burn her from the inside to the outside, turn her bones into ashes.

At the end, the only thing left was rage.

The stars on the ceiling never stopped looking blurry that night.

Elsa couldn't remember the last time she woke up by throwing up. Months for sure. She would dare say years, even, but it was hard to tell with some of her memory gaps. It certainly won in the most uncomfortable ways of waking up, and Elsas did have bad ones, harrowing ones, even. Like those were she thought she was having a nightmare, but then opened her eyes and realized she was living it, that it was pure reality. Like when she dreamed about choking up on smoke, or that something stabbed her chest, but then she woke up not being able to breathe in the middle of the hospital due to pneumonia. Or the ones where she had this weight on top of her and felt like she just couldn't m–

Her stomach lurched again just thinking about it. Elsa took a deep breath. Told herself to control it. Cover it up. Don't feel anything. It should have gone away, as this was all done and over with. Yet of course, the more she tried to move on, the more her mind would make her remember. It shouldn't be that hard, now that she moved out of that house for once, instead of letting silly things take control of her life and the humid cold to sabotage her sleep.

Elsa hated herself for being so stupid. She hated herself even more for letting her closest family, her aunt and uncle, her sister, to see her like that.

Aunt Gerda had to help her calm down enough to get up to the bathroom and get the stench of vomit off herself and her pajamas. Elsa even had to accept the help to take them off, as her stability (in all senses of the word) was as okay as her shaking. Only the first layer of clothes, though, and it wasn't lost the small frown in Gerda's face when she refused so quickly for the second layer. So Elsa apologized a hundred times, scared her aunt thought something was up. Which probably didn't help her case, now that she could analyze it with a clearer mind.

Elsa couldn't risk someone else finding out about her scars, the ones Elsa made when she was feeling especially hateful of her body. It had been bad enough with her parents after the nurse at the hospital told them. And her ex finding out and teaming up with Cati, who knew of the old but not of the new, for a supposed intervention on nothing.

Elsa couldn't risk having all bad things happening one after the other, all over again. It was supposed to be better, now that there was closure.

There was supposed to be some type of closure, someway, somehow.

Yet her mind couldn't escape the cynical thought of not having to worry, if her father found her like that. He wouldn't have judged her.

He never really judged her, nor said anything about the scars. The few times he did try, Elsa found a way to skip around the topic or to imply it was his fault, so he eventually stopped trying altogether, letting Elsa have the upperhand on this. The only thing she had the upper hand on.

The only time Elsa could say she won.

It was a fact she hated with a passion that burned her chest, but it was the truth. Why would you ask the questions, when you're the one that has all the answers? Better to just give her a clean pair of pajamas, make her some herbal tea to calm down her nerves or something. Let her take long, comfortable baths. Spoil her with a little something the next day, or let her lower the A/C as much as she wanted so she could pretend it was winter time and sleep under a hundred blankets. Give her the hollow apologies and the uncomfortable hugs that helped sustain Elsa's own lies.

Not wanting her mind to keep going that way, Elsa snuggled further into the bed when she heard sounds coming from other parts of the house. It seemed to be Anna, judging by the jingle of her three keychains and the fact that the steps came all the way to the bedroom.

"Good afternoon, Sleeping Beaut- damn, I thought you would raise the blinds at some point." Anna unceremoniously dropped her backpack by the desk chair and went to do so, Elsa hiding her head under the blanket until her eyes got used to the light, filtered by the blanket. "Did you ever get up, besides to, you know, steal my bed?"

Elsa shook her head, lowering the blanket.

"I slept until now." After some chamomile tea, and the knowledge that she'll be alone for a good while. Not having to be on high alert for sounds was the most relaxing thing ever, after things like this. "And it was… available."

Anna's bed was more comfortable, it probably had to do with the bed sheets. These were like the ones she had back home. Some high quality with a hundred and something cotton threads, because if she was gonna have her sleep disturbed, then it'd rather be compensated with good quality.

"Ok, ok, fair. I'll allow it just for today."

But these weren't the ones she had back home, which made it all the more comforting. She didn't want to bring her bed, even if it was a sommier, nor her desk, or her chair nor any furniture that could resemble her old room. Besides, Kai suggested getting a customized double desk so both of them would have their own space but it didn't have to come with the cost of not having space in the room. Elsa was good with it, changes were good. Helped her move on.

"Oh, hey! Look what I got!" Elsa moved to the side, against the wall, to leave space for her sister to lay on top of the blankets with a white plastic bag. She pulled out two fluffy headbands, a white one with bunny ears and a pink one with a gigantic bow and white polka dots, just like the ones everyone wore these days. "I've wanted these for a while and they were two for like, seven hundred. Plus it was the perfect excuse to also try these animal face masks."

"Sure, they look cute." Elsa nodded, forcing the corners of her mouth upwards only for her sister's enthusiasm. "You went to, um, Chinatown?"

Anna wasn't exactly there when Elsa woke up, but doing something else, already up with a cup of tea in her hands when her eyes met her sister's with a type of worry Elsa recognized all too well.

"Nah, this was a bazaar near where I'm, uh, taking math classes, actually."

Better to avoid touching that topic of conversation as long as possible.

"Wait. You failed a subject?" Anna nodded, in her kind of sheepish but still trying to play it cool. "Anna? Anna Sofia Telani de Arendt?"

Her sister rolled her eyes, annoyed to hear her full name. Maybe Elsa was doing too much of an effort.

"Yes. Elsa Belén, I did, it's not that big of a deal. The plan was to take the exam back in December but I didn't make it, so I settled for February but with uh, you know, I'm preparing for March." There was a pause, then: "…Unless it is, to you?"

"No, no. It just surprised me, the only time I knew you failed was in fourth grade, and only because you had a fever." She remembered her sister crying so hard because she knew she failed. Anna wasn't used to failing tests, or subjects, or anything for that matter. Elsa wasn't used to her sister failing at anything, either, she was the type of person that naturally excelled at school. "Is it to Kai and Gerda, though?"

Were their aunt and uncle like her parents, always asking for a grade above eight at the very last? Because it was the only responsibility they had, having everything served on a silver platter. Not having to take a part time job, nor prove anything, and they got the best education their parents could pay. Which was a lie, as Elsa never asked for certain things she got, yet she still paid for them. That's how it worked, nothing was free.

"Nah, they're not gonna, you know, sit you down and start a rant just because you barely passed with a seven." Well, that took some of the pressure off, at least. Great. "I was so paranoid they would, tho. But last year was kinda a mess and the teacher hates me for no reason, so they let it slip. Not like this year is starting super great but… you know."

Elsa nodded. She too supposed this year was going to be different. In the easier sense, with her parents divorcing and doing her last year at public school, even if she had a hundred different exams to take like the German one and the I.B. ones. Yet so far everything looked uncertain in every single aspect.

One step at the time, right?

"Ok, enough beating around the bushes. How you feeling?"

Well, crap.

"Uh, better, actually, now that I've slept and the nausea is gone." Elsa tried her best to play it dumb, casual. Until she was met with an unreadable expression. One that made her nervous. "...What?" She ventured to ask.

"You don't have to treat me like a little kid, Els. I know."

What could she know? It was at comments like this that Elsa prayed her sister didn't know what she was talking about. Anna was being so cryptic lately with her ways of talking, that it made her stomach churn in all the wrong ways.

"What do you mean?" Elsa hid half her face with the blanket, still pretending. Anna rolled her eyes, but didn't truly seem annoyed.

"That you had a nightmare so shitty you... reacted like that." Her sister wasn't judging her at all, she could tell by her tone. It was more sympathetic, more understanding of her situation, which made Elsa want to bury herself in a hole and stay there for the rest of her life, but she had to content herself with smothering her face against the pillow.

"No, I didn't." So much for concealing her feelings.

"Yes, you did, Elsie." Even with her insistence, Anna knew when to be soft spoken and kind, this girl. Starting to play with her hair, giving Elsa these very nice chills and warm sensation that she wasn't about to admit she really needed right now. "...Do you wanna talk about it?"

Elsa shook her head no.

"You sure?"

A nod.

"I'd rather forget it," was her muffled answer. Talking about it would only make it worse, besides her sister was the least person she needed to talk this with. Her burden was hers alone.

"Okay, no pressure." A soft mumble, perhaps out of disappointment. Or perhaps Elsa was just overthinking and her sister really didn't want to pressure her with–

"...What if rocks are actually soft but they get tense when we touch them?"

Elsa had to take a moment to process what she just heard.

Her chest started contracting and expanding on itself as laughter came to her, face still buried against the pillow.

"What the hell was that?" She managed to say at last, after lifting her head to breathe actual air instead of cotton fibers from the pillow cover.

"I don't know! Read it on the internet the other day, and it kinda makes sense but-" Anna snorted. "It sounded more serious in my head."

"It's the most ridiculous thing I've heard."

"Hey now! At least it worked."

"At what?"

"Making you laugh."

Elsa smiled.

Perhaps it did.

...We're only at the top of the rollercoaster :^)