A/N: Yosh!! This is the final chapter. Sorry I couldn't upload it sooner
even though everything was already written long before. XDD
FoLLy & syin Yay!!! More FxE fan!!!!! XDDDDD *hugz hugz* So hard to find FxE fans one!! It's either FxT or Golden Pair.
Folly Oh the full stops are supposed to be 3 dots but after uploading it became one fullstop.. @_@;;; hopefully it works now..
Ikyutakei Happy belated birthday!!! ^o^
*grinz* I have one more angsty FxE fic. See how maybe I'll upload the first chapter soon. XDDD and now on to the final chapter of "Is this Goodbye?" !!!! *bows down* enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eiji lay there in bed under the covers, head buried in his pillow as his hifi forever looped Evanesence's "My Immortal"
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along
His eyes were red from crying again..he felt numb..this song had never held any meaning to him before..he just found it to be a very beautiful song..it had been his and Fuji's favorite song..but now that Fuji was leaving, suddenly, the song held a whole myriad of meanings. It pierced into his very soul as he listened to it. He would not cry..Fuji was better off in London..he would not dwell on this anymore..he couldn't afford to..not with the Zenkoku Tournament coming up..with Fuji gone, there would be a great hole to fill..He would move on..he had no choice..he had to learn to live with Fuji's absence..
He knew he was lying to himself..but if lying lightened the guilt that lay heavily on his heart for chasing Fuji away..he would gladly continue lying to himself. Just then, there was a knock on the door, but he didn't hear it through the music.
"Eiji-kun? Eiji-kun!" he vaguely heard his sister call but ignored it. "Mou..Wait a moment..I'll go get the spare key to his room from mum," his sister said to someone and he simply turned the music louder and took another pillow to cover his head, pulling the covers higher until he was completely buried in the bed.
"Eiji.." Oishi called and shook the lump, that was all it looked like after all, on the bed. No response. "Eiji!" he called again louder and shaking a little harder. The only response he got this time was a very muffled "go away" and a slight movement from the "lump". Taking a deep breath, Oishi threw open the covers. "EIJI!!"
"Nyaaaaa...lemme alone Oishiiiii.." Eiji cried clutching the pillow over his head harder refusing to look at his partner.
"Eiji!!" Oishi shouted in exasperation and grabbed the pillow trying to wrestle it off his head but Eiji kept his death grip on the pillow. "Fuji is leaving tomorrow!!" he continued and fell backwards when Eiji suddenly released his grip.
"Fuji..is leaving...tomorrow...?" he repeated softly, stunned for a moment while Oishi got to his feet. Why was everything happening so fast? There were so many questions racing through his head that he found himself clutching his head, curling up into a tight ball on the bed just, trying to make some sense of everything but, failing badly.
"Eiji please..Fuji already told me what happened but I want to hear why you did it.." he said as he knelt down beside Eiji's bed. "Surely you could tell me."
"Go away Oishi..I already told you it's over..I don't care anymore..just leave me alone.." Eiji replied flatly before turning away.
"You can lie to yourself all you want Eiji but you can't convince me no matter what you say," Oishi snapped back and Eiji fell silent. An uncomfortable silence fell over the two of them but Oishi refused to break the silence. He knew Eiji would give in sooner or later. Finally, Eiji sat up cross legged on the bed and looked down, twiddling his thumbs.
"I..don't deserve Fuji...not then...not now.." he began and found himself pouring everything out to Oishi. Fuji, being the tensai that he was, deserved someone one like Tezuka, not him. He was nothing. The only thing he was good at was tennis. And even at that, he wasn't all that great. He lacked the stamina to do his favorite acrobatic play whenever the opponent aimed for an extended game and usually ended up dragging down Oishi or forcing Fuji to cover for him while he recovered. In class, if not for Fuji, he'd probably be in a lot of trouble with all his teachers. If Fuji had not patiently coached him in all his subjects, he'd probably have failed his class tests and exams. He was the total opposite of the tensai.
Oishi stared at his partner in disbelief for a long time after Eiji had finished his tale. THIS was the reason all this trouble arose?! He couldn't believe it..all this because of his stupidity..
"Stupid.." he finally said causing Eiji to look up in shock. "How could you be so stupid..Fuji would never think that way! If he did, he'd never have confessed to you!" he scolded. Eiji's eyes widened at his words. The thought had not occurred to him. Suddenly he felt like he had been such a great big fool. No wonder Fuji had been so mad at him.. He looked away ashamed.
"But.." he began quietly but stopped.unsure of how to continue.
"But..what?" Oishi asked, sitting down on the bed beside Eiji and putting a hand on his shoulder.
"It's already too late nya..I..wouldn't know how to face him.." he continued after a long pause. "..he probably hates me now..after what I did." he said and buried his face in his hands. There wasn't any point in trying to convince Fuji to stay..Fuji probably wouldn't listen to him anyway..Everything was his fault..Oishi looked at his suffering friend. Everything was all up to him..whether he chose to fight for Fuji or give him up completely. But he knew that, if Eiji gave up Fuji completely..he would regret it for the rest of this life..
"Eiji..it's your decision....I can't force you to go to Fuji to ask him to stay..all I can say is.." he said after a moment and Eiji looked up at him. "Don't live with any regrets..I'll see you on Monday then.." that said he left the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Eiji to ponder his words. Dropping back down onto his bed, hands under his head and staring up at the ceiling.
For hours he just stayed that way with Oishi's words lingering at the front of his mind. He thought about it..what's there to regret? Fuji would train at a top tennis school and probably move on to become a world class player. He was better off there. He was better off if he forgot Seigaku and a certain foolish acrobatic play specialist....there was nothing to regret..It was all for the best..Eiji shut his eyes..wanting to forget everything..wanting to believe that..all this was for the best..
But was it really? His eyes snapped open. He knew he was lying to himself. He WOULD regret it. He would regret trying to push Fuji to Tezuka even though his heart ached. He would regret his foolishness. He would regret not trying to stop Fuji from leaving Tokyo and him. But most of all, he would regret allowing Fuji to leave without telling him how he really felt about him. He sat back up and it was only then did he realize the room was dark.
"Ah nya?" he muttered and turned to his clock only to realize that it was already midnight. He had wasted the WHOLE day away being in a daze. "NYAAAA?!?! It's midnight ALREADY??!!" he exclaimed and immediately covered his mouth, regretting it. He turned slightly and strained to listen for any of his sisters coming to check on him. Hearing nothing, he heaved a sigh of relief. "It's now or never nya.." he had to go now..even if it was midnight..tomorrow would be too late. Quickly changing into a sweatshirt and cargo pants, he opened his door a tiny crack and peered out before slipping out into the passageway and making his way down to the front door where he pulled on his shoes and quietly slipped out. After closing the door carefully he ran all the way to Fuji's house which, thankfully, was only a few blocks away and managed to reach there in slightly less then half an hour.
Stopping to catch his breath, he looked up and a thought struck him. How was he going to get in?! Frantically, he scanned the house looking for a way in. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed Fuji's window slightly ajar.
"Yosh.." he muttered determinedly to himself, jumped the fence and made his way to the house where he easily and swiftly scaled the wall making full use of the lattice. Peering in, he saw Fuji lying in bed under the covers facing the wall. Judging from the steady rise and fall of the covers, he was already fast asleep. But then again, who wouldn't be at 12.30 in the morning. Slowly, he eased the window open wide enough for him to squeeze in comfortably onto the platform just slightly below the window not noticing the row of cactuses and knocking a couple of them down onto the floor. "Damnit!!" he thought to himself seeing Fuji sit up and jumping into action.
"Who's..?!!?" Fuji shouted and turning around just as Eiji jumped forward to grab him from behind and clamp a hand over his mouth. With a muffled cry of shock he began to struggle with his "unknown assailant" and basically making quite a bit of noise. Eiji's ears twitched when he heard the sound of another door opening and footsteps approaching.
"Damn nya..." he thought and out of desperation twisted Fuji's body back and kissed Fuji full on the lips. The action itself caused Fuji to widen his eyes in shock and upon realizing that his assailant was none other then Eiji his eyes widened even further and a slight blush touched his cheeks. He was grateful that the darkness hid it, but what was Eiji doing here, in his room, at this ungodly hour?! Before he could think on it more there was a knock on the door.
"Syusuke? Are you alright?" his sister called out worriedly and Eiji broke away much to Fuji's despair. His lips had felt so..right..against his own..
"Ahh..I'm alright! Sorry sis. It was just a little nightmare!" he called back to her.
"Really? Alright then.get some sleep okay? You have a long day tomorrow. Good night!" she said and walked away. Fuji breathed a sigh of relief before turning around to face a sheepish looking Eiji.
"What are you doing here at this time?! HOW did you get in?!" he said in a harsh whisper. Yes he was annoyed even after that impromptu kiss. He didn't know what was going on in Eiji's mind but it had BETTER be important for having to sneak into his room and "assault" him at 12.30am.He DID have a flight to catch that morning after all.
"...ehto..I.." Eiji stammered, unsure of how to begin. The speech he had carefully composed in his mind on his way here had crumbled away into nothingness after that kiss. He had no idea what had made him do that in the first place. He could've easily whispered to Fuji that it was him and save them both the embarrassment but his body had reacted before his mind and there was nothing he could do about it now. "I..climbed up via the lattice..I just..ehto.." he continued unsure of himself.
"Why are you here.." he asked one more time struggling to keep the frustration out of his voice.
"Ehto..ano..Please don't leave me Fuji!!" he finally blurted out. Not what he wanted to say exactly but still, it was a start. His heart was beating fast and his eyes were wide as he looked at Fuji pleadingly. Fuji's eyes widened for a moment before narrowing.
"Don't?" he said in disbelief. It was past midnight, he had been rudely awakened by Eiji's intrusion and he was NOT in a tactful mood now. "Eiji..just what exactly are you up to?! First you try to push me away like I'm some THING to be given away freely to others and now you come here in the middle of the night asking me not to leave?! Just what do you..?!" and found himself silenced once more by a kiss from Eiji who had jumped forward causing him to fall flat on his back, eyes wide in shock when he saw the tear at the corner of his closed eyes. The kiss lasted slightly longer this time before Eiji pulled away, still hovering over him.
"Fuji..I..really love you..!" he blurted out at long last, his voice shivering, the tears falling freely, cascading down his cheeks. The words came freely through the sobs now..like a dam that had burst."I've liked you ever since I first laid eyes on you..But I was afraid..I was afraid you didn't feel the same way about me..Then when you confessed to me..I felt like I was in a dream...but...I wasn't sure.I wasn't sure we should be together..I thought you deserved someone better..like Tezuka..not someone like me.."
"Eiji.." Fuji stared up into Eiji's tear stained face in shock. He didn't think that Eiji had been feeling that way all this while. Suddenly he just felt like taking Eiji in his arms.
"I thought I died when you said you were leaving..please..Fuji..don't leave..please..I don't want to lose you..I'm really sorry..I never meant to push you away like that..I really loved you..It tore at my heart every time I tried to match you with buchou..." he continued, his body racked with sobs. "Please Syu-chan...I really love you..please..don't leave me." he said pleadingly, looking Fuji straight in the eye. Fuji just stared at him dumbstruck for a moment before lifting a hand to wipe away Eiji's tears.
"Stupid..really stupid..Eiji-kun.." Fuji whispered softly and smiling up at him before lifting his head slightly to plant a kiss of his own onto Eiji's lips. Eiji's eyes widened for the briefest of moments before slowly closing and retuning the kiss fiercely, their tongues waging battle within the crevices of each of their mouths. Encircling his arms around the other, Fuji easily twisted him around so that he was now on top of Eiji as he flicked his tongue across his neck, and nibbling lightly on his earlobe drawing a soft moan from Eiji as his hand traveled slowly down, stopping at his pants and slowly undoing the button.
"Nya..Fu..Fuji??" Eiji cried out in shock and Fuji smiled at him mischievously.
"No?" he asked sweetly, hand still hovering over his zip and Eiji could not help but blush furiously.
"Yes..nya.." he whispered and leaned forward to kiss his lover fully again tasting the sweetness of his lips....
~~~~~owari
FoLLy & syin Yay!!! More FxE fan!!!!! XDDDDD *hugz hugz* So hard to find FxE fans one!! It's either FxT or Golden Pair.
Folly Oh the full stops are supposed to be 3 dots but after uploading it became one fullstop.. @_@;;; hopefully it works now..
Ikyutakei Happy belated birthday!!! ^o^
*grinz* I have one more angsty FxE fic. See how maybe I'll upload the first chapter soon. XDDD and now on to the final chapter of "Is this Goodbye?" !!!! *bows down* enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eiji lay there in bed under the covers, head buried in his pillow as his hifi forever looped Evanesence's "My Immortal"
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along
His eyes were red from crying again..he felt numb..this song had never held any meaning to him before..he just found it to be a very beautiful song..it had been his and Fuji's favorite song..but now that Fuji was leaving, suddenly, the song held a whole myriad of meanings. It pierced into his very soul as he listened to it. He would not cry..Fuji was better off in London..he would not dwell on this anymore..he couldn't afford to..not with the Zenkoku Tournament coming up..with Fuji gone, there would be a great hole to fill..He would move on..he had no choice..he had to learn to live with Fuji's absence..
He knew he was lying to himself..but if lying lightened the guilt that lay heavily on his heart for chasing Fuji away..he would gladly continue lying to himself. Just then, there was a knock on the door, but he didn't hear it through the music.
"Eiji-kun? Eiji-kun!" he vaguely heard his sister call but ignored it. "Mou..Wait a moment..I'll go get the spare key to his room from mum," his sister said to someone and he simply turned the music louder and took another pillow to cover his head, pulling the covers higher until he was completely buried in the bed.
"Eiji.." Oishi called and shook the lump, that was all it looked like after all, on the bed. No response. "Eiji!" he called again louder and shaking a little harder. The only response he got this time was a very muffled "go away" and a slight movement from the "lump". Taking a deep breath, Oishi threw open the covers. "EIJI!!"
"Nyaaaaa...lemme alone Oishiiiii.." Eiji cried clutching the pillow over his head harder refusing to look at his partner.
"Eiji!!" Oishi shouted in exasperation and grabbed the pillow trying to wrestle it off his head but Eiji kept his death grip on the pillow. "Fuji is leaving tomorrow!!" he continued and fell backwards when Eiji suddenly released his grip.
"Fuji..is leaving...tomorrow...?" he repeated softly, stunned for a moment while Oishi got to his feet. Why was everything happening so fast? There were so many questions racing through his head that he found himself clutching his head, curling up into a tight ball on the bed just, trying to make some sense of everything but, failing badly.
"Eiji please..Fuji already told me what happened but I want to hear why you did it.." he said as he knelt down beside Eiji's bed. "Surely you could tell me."
"Go away Oishi..I already told you it's over..I don't care anymore..just leave me alone.." Eiji replied flatly before turning away.
"You can lie to yourself all you want Eiji but you can't convince me no matter what you say," Oishi snapped back and Eiji fell silent. An uncomfortable silence fell over the two of them but Oishi refused to break the silence. He knew Eiji would give in sooner or later. Finally, Eiji sat up cross legged on the bed and looked down, twiddling his thumbs.
"I..don't deserve Fuji...not then...not now.." he began and found himself pouring everything out to Oishi. Fuji, being the tensai that he was, deserved someone one like Tezuka, not him. He was nothing. The only thing he was good at was tennis. And even at that, he wasn't all that great. He lacked the stamina to do his favorite acrobatic play whenever the opponent aimed for an extended game and usually ended up dragging down Oishi or forcing Fuji to cover for him while he recovered. In class, if not for Fuji, he'd probably be in a lot of trouble with all his teachers. If Fuji had not patiently coached him in all his subjects, he'd probably have failed his class tests and exams. He was the total opposite of the tensai.
Oishi stared at his partner in disbelief for a long time after Eiji had finished his tale. THIS was the reason all this trouble arose?! He couldn't believe it..all this because of his stupidity..
"Stupid.." he finally said causing Eiji to look up in shock. "How could you be so stupid..Fuji would never think that way! If he did, he'd never have confessed to you!" he scolded. Eiji's eyes widened at his words. The thought had not occurred to him. Suddenly he felt like he had been such a great big fool. No wonder Fuji had been so mad at him.. He looked away ashamed.
"But.." he began quietly but stopped.unsure of how to continue.
"But..what?" Oishi asked, sitting down on the bed beside Eiji and putting a hand on his shoulder.
"It's already too late nya..I..wouldn't know how to face him.." he continued after a long pause. "..he probably hates me now..after what I did." he said and buried his face in his hands. There wasn't any point in trying to convince Fuji to stay..Fuji probably wouldn't listen to him anyway..Everything was his fault..Oishi looked at his suffering friend. Everything was all up to him..whether he chose to fight for Fuji or give him up completely. But he knew that, if Eiji gave up Fuji completely..he would regret it for the rest of this life..
"Eiji..it's your decision....I can't force you to go to Fuji to ask him to stay..all I can say is.." he said after a moment and Eiji looked up at him. "Don't live with any regrets..I'll see you on Monday then.." that said he left the room, closing the door behind him, leaving Eiji to ponder his words. Dropping back down onto his bed, hands under his head and staring up at the ceiling.
For hours he just stayed that way with Oishi's words lingering at the front of his mind. He thought about it..what's there to regret? Fuji would train at a top tennis school and probably move on to become a world class player. He was better off there. He was better off if he forgot Seigaku and a certain foolish acrobatic play specialist....there was nothing to regret..It was all for the best..Eiji shut his eyes..wanting to forget everything..wanting to believe that..all this was for the best..
But was it really? His eyes snapped open. He knew he was lying to himself. He WOULD regret it. He would regret trying to push Fuji to Tezuka even though his heart ached. He would regret his foolishness. He would regret not trying to stop Fuji from leaving Tokyo and him. But most of all, he would regret allowing Fuji to leave without telling him how he really felt about him. He sat back up and it was only then did he realize the room was dark.
"Ah nya?" he muttered and turned to his clock only to realize that it was already midnight. He had wasted the WHOLE day away being in a daze. "NYAAAA?!?! It's midnight ALREADY??!!" he exclaimed and immediately covered his mouth, regretting it. He turned slightly and strained to listen for any of his sisters coming to check on him. Hearing nothing, he heaved a sigh of relief. "It's now or never nya.." he had to go now..even if it was midnight..tomorrow would be too late. Quickly changing into a sweatshirt and cargo pants, he opened his door a tiny crack and peered out before slipping out into the passageway and making his way down to the front door where he pulled on his shoes and quietly slipped out. After closing the door carefully he ran all the way to Fuji's house which, thankfully, was only a few blocks away and managed to reach there in slightly less then half an hour.
Stopping to catch his breath, he looked up and a thought struck him. How was he going to get in?! Frantically, he scanned the house looking for a way in. His heart skipped a beat when he noticed Fuji's window slightly ajar.
"Yosh.." he muttered determinedly to himself, jumped the fence and made his way to the house where he easily and swiftly scaled the wall making full use of the lattice. Peering in, he saw Fuji lying in bed under the covers facing the wall. Judging from the steady rise and fall of the covers, he was already fast asleep. But then again, who wouldn't be at 12.30 in the morning. Slowly, he eased the window open wide enough for him to squeeze in comfortably onto the platform just slightly below the window not noticing the row of cactuses and knocking a couple of them down onto the floor. "Damnit!!" he thought to himself seeing Fuji sit up and jumping into action.
"Who's..?!!?" Fuji shouted and turning around just as Eiji jumped forward to grab him from behind and clamp a hand over his mouth. With a muffled cry of shock he began to struggle with his "unknown assailant" and basically making quite a bit of noise. Eiji's ears twitched when he heard the sound of another door opening and footsteps approaching.
"Damn nya..." he thought and out of desperation twisted Fuji's body back and kissed Fuji full on the lips. The action itself caused Fuji to widen his eyes in shock and upon realizing that his assailant was none other then Eiji his eyes widened even further and a slight blush touched his cheeks. He was grateful that the darkness hid it, but what was Eiji doing here, in his room, at this ungodly hour?! Before he could think on it more there was a knock on the door.
"Syusuke? Are you alright?" his sister called out worriedly and Eiji broke away much to Fuji's despair. His lips had felt so..right..against his own..
"Ahh..I'm alright! Sorry sis. It was just a little nightmare!" he called back to her.
"Really? Alright then.get some sleep okay? You have a long day tomorrow. Good night!" she said and walked away. Fuji breathed a sigh of relief before turning around to face a sheepish looking Eiji.
"What are you doing here at this time?! HOW did you get in?!" he said in a harsh whisper. Yes he was annoyed even after that impromptu kiss. He didn't know what was going on in Eiji's mind but it had BETTER be important for having to sneak into his room and "assault" him at 12.30am.He DID have a flight to catch that morning after all.
"...ehto..I.." Eiji stammered, unsure of how to begin. The speech he had carefully composed in his mind on his way here had crumbled away into nothingness after that kiss. He had no idea what had made him do that in the first place. He could've easily whispered to Fuji that it was him and save them both the embarrassment but his body had reacted before his mind and there was nothing he could do about it now. "I..climbed up via the lattice..I just..ehto.." he continued unsure of himself.
"Why are you here.." he asked one more time struggling to keep the frustration out of his voice.
"Ehto..ano..Please don't leave me Fuji!!" he finally blurted out. Not what he wanted to say exactly but still, it was a start. His heart was beating fast and his eyes were wide as he looked at Fuji pleadingly. Fuji's eyes widened for a moment before narrowing.
"Don't?" he said in disbelief. It was past midnight, he had been rudely awakened by Eiji's intrusion and he was NOT in a tactful mood now. "Eiji..just what exactly are you up to?! First you try to push me away like I'm some THING to be given away freely to others and now you come here in the middle of the night asking me not to leave?! Just what do you..?!" and found himself silenced once more by a kiss from Eiji who had jumped forward causing him to fall flat on his back, eyes wide in shock when he saw the tear at the corner of his closed eyes. The kiss lasted slightly longer this time before Eiji pulled away, still hovering over him.
"Fuji..I..really love you..!" he blurted out at long last, his voice shivering, the tears falling freely, cascading down his cheeks. The words came freely through the sobs now..like a dam that had burst."I've liked you ever since I first laid eyes on you..But I was afraid..I was afraid you didn't feel the same way about me..Then when you confessed to me..I felt like I was in a dream...but...I wasn't sure.I wasn't sure we should be together..I thought you deserved someone better..like Tezuka..not someone like me.."
"Eiji.." Fuji stared up into Eiji's tear stained face in shock. He didn't think that Eiji had been feeling that way all this while. Suddenly he just felt like taking Eiji in his arms.
"I thought I died when you said you were leaving..please..Fuji..don't leave..please..I don't want to lose you..I'm really sorry..I never meant to push you away like that..I really loved you..It tore at my heart every time I tried to match you with buchou..." he continued, his body racked with sobs. "Please Syu-chan...I really love you..please..don't leave me." he said pleadingly, looking Fuji straight in the eye. Fuji just stared at him dumbstruck for a moment before lifting a hand to wipe away Eiji's tears.
"Stupid..really stupid..Eiji-kun.." Fuji whispered softly and smiling up at him before lifting his head slightly to plant a kiss of his own onto Eiji's lips. Eiji's eyes widened for the briefest of moments before slowly closing and retuning the kiss fiercely, their tongues waging battle within the crevices of each of their mouths. Encircling his arms around the other, Fuji easily twisted him around so that he was now on top of Eiji as he flicked his tongue across his neck, and nibbling lightly on his earlobe drawing a soft moan from Eiji as his hand traveled slowly down, stopping at his pants and slowly undoing the button.
"Nya..Fu..Fuji??" Eiji cried out in shock and Fuji smiled at him mischievously.
"No?" he asked sweetly, hand still hovering over his zip and Eiji could not help but blush furiously.
"Yes..nya.." he whispered and leaned forward to kiss his lover fully again tasting the sweetness of his lips....
~~~~~owari