Chapter four:
We sat there, the both of us, for a very long time. Leaning against the trees. I wasn't sure what he was thinking, probably meditating on something much more complicated and deep than I could possibly think of.
I stared at him, at his eloquence, at the fire that seemed to dance in his eyes. It betrayed his cold stature he kept with everybody else except me. It told me that his feelings for me were unfathomable. More than I would ever know.
I was ashamed of my feelings for him. I knew they were wrong. That a brother's love should only go so deep. But when I was with him, like this, it didn't matter.
All that mattered was us.
I don't how long it was before I fell asleep. I always hated falling asleep because I knew once I woke up that he would be gone. That he would once again be gone from me. And the pain would return. Each time fiercer than before.
Once I woke up again, my eyes only taking in so much at a time, I saw the sun going down through my half closed lids.
I immediately shot up searching frantically around for him, knowing I had fallen asleep again and I couldn't stand it.
I hated the emptiness I felt, the wanting the need the desire.
He controlled me and I knew it and I accepted it. It was unreasonable to think that everyone is always obliged to something.
But then I saw him. Leaning up against a tree farther to my left. I walked over to him and knelt in front of him. I could feel the corners of my mouth upturn into a smile. I brushed the bangs out of his face and before I realized it, I had leaned in to kiss his forehead.
He stirred beneath me, whispering and groaning, as if trying to figure something out in his subconscious.
Maybe he needed me.
Maybe he didn't.
But I sat next him, on the other side of the tree. Taking one of his hands to hold in mine. I wasn't sure if he was awake or not, but he gave a faint squeeze as I placed our clasped hands on the ground. I let my head fall back against the trunk of tree.
What did I deserve to have this. What did I do in my life that allowed me to be happy. I was cursed to bring unluckiness to anyone who decided to get close to me.
I can't even count on my fingers and toes how many times I hurt Kagome.
Even Kikyo had died in pain and been reborn in it, because of the love we shared.
I don't know how long this is going to last, but I can only hope.
Hope.that I can be happy for a little bit longer.
We sat there, the both of us, for a very long time. Leaning against the trees. I wasn't sure what he was thinking, probably meditating on something much more complicated and deep than I could possibly think of.
I stared at him, at his eloquence, at the fire that seemed to dance in his eyes. It betrayed his cold stature he kept with everybody else except me. It told me that his feelings for me were unfathomable. More than I would ever know.
I was ashamed of my feelings for him. I knew they were wrong. That a brother's love should only go so deep. But when I was with him, like this, it didn't matter.
All that mattered was us.
I don't how long it was before I fell asleep. I always hated falling asleep because I knew once I woke up that he would be gone. That he would once again be gone from me. And the pain would return. Each time fiercer than before.
Once I woke up again, my eyes only taking in so much at a time, I saw the sun going down through my half closed lids.
I immediately shot up searching frantically around for him, knowing I had fallen asleep again and I couldn't stand it.
I hated the emptiness I felt, the wanting the need the desire.
He controlled me and I knew it and I accepted it. It was unreasonable to think that everyone is always obliged to something.
But then I saw him. Leaning up against a tree farther to my left. I walked over to him and knelt in front of him. I could feel the corners of my mouth upturn into a smile. I brushed the bangs out of his face and before I realized it, I had leaned in to kiss his forehead.
He stirred beneath me, whispering and groaning, as if trying to figure something out in his subconscious.
Maybe he needed me.
Maybe he didn't.
But I sat next him, on the other side of the tree. Taking one of his hands to hold in mine. I wasn't sure if he was awake or not, but he gave a faint squeeze as I placed our clasped hands on the ground. I let my head fall back against the trunk of tree.
What did I deserve to have this. What did I do in my life that allowed me to be happy. I was cursed to bring unluckiness to anyone who decided to get close to me.
I can't even count on my fingers and toes how many times I hurt Kagome.
Even Kikyo had died in pain and been reborn in it, because of the love we shared.
I don't know how long this is going to last, but I can only hope.
Hope.that I can be happy for a little bit longer.