Disclaimer: Anything you recognise belongs to J.K. Rowling. I own nothing, make no money from anything, and am writing this purely for personal enjoyment.

Ruhgozler: Apologies for doing that to your head :) In return, Crookshanks will do his best, but...

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"She was defending herself against Potter, Headmaster! I saw the whole thing!"

"Ah. Well, it seems to be over now, so perhaps you should all be going into lunch. Mr Malfoy, Harry, Miss Puddleswamp."

"Come sit with me, Selena!" piped up Malfoy.

"Serenity!"

"Of course, Serenity," he replied with puppy dog eyes, gallantly taking her arm.

"Dwaccy! It was bad enough you mooning over the tart during lessons, but this is just taking things too far!" (A/N: 'cause like, 'Mione and Draccy-baby have been havng a sekrit luv relashunship 4 the last 2 munths.)

"Don't be such sour grapes, My-Ninny. You knew our forbidden love affair could never last!"

"Malfoy? And Hermione?" asked Ron in horror.

"Not any more, clearly."

"You rapscallion! Slap!" (A/N: she slapped him, she didn't actually say 'slap' ^_^)

"What are you all doing in the corridor? This isn't a bus shelter, children! Move along!"

Too upset to eat, Hermione rushed upstairs to her dormitory. She stood staring outside, when she noticed Serenity's pet hovering outside the window. She leaned out to try and catch it. Frightened by her enraged visage, the fire-lizard tried to go between.

"Oh no you don't! Stupefy! Accio!"

Holding the little body in her hands, Hermione began to laugh evilly.

"This will show her. Think she can take my place with darling Dwaccy? Oh Crookshanks, here, girl!" (A/N: I know Crookshanks is supposed to be male, but she just feels like a she-kitty ^_^)

Crookshanks smirked evilly, and gobbled the little pet down in three quick bites – chomp, chomp, chomp. Just as the little twitching tail disappeared into Crookshanks cavernous maw, a wind started whistling, and a portal opened up in the middle of the quidditch pitch. Out fell two blond creatures.

"Oh bloody hell, not again," whined the one with short gelled hair (A/N: Spike!)

"Whyfor hast thou summonest me?" asked the one with long plaited hair (A/N: Legolas!)

The headmaster made his was to the two beings.

"Ah. One of the prophecies has come to pass then. Sauron has been released into our world now, and you two were sent here as protectors of the peace."

Legolas looked horrified, but Spike just looked irritated.

"Oh great. Save the world again. Well, I can tell you this is the last bleeding time. After this I don't care if the world is infested with cute little rabid pink bunnies, I've had enough of this lark."

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(A/N: Dumbledore explains the situation to them, and calls for additional help – Serenity's best friend Ketchup, in America, who's a telepath, a distant viewer, and gay.)

Ketchup walked into Hogwarts and looked around for his closest, bestest friend. Serenity spotted him first, and ran over screaming:

"k37chup!!! 1'm 50 9l4d u c4m3!!1! wtf 1v3 l1k3 833n dyn9 h3r3 4ll 4l0n3 !!11!!"

"53r3n17y!!1! r 7h3r3 4ny h4ww7 9uy2 h3r3 ph0r m3 2 lu57 0v4h??!11"

"0 y32!!!!1! l0l 7h3r3'2 7h12 ku73 3lf nm3d l390l42."

"OMG 73ll m3 m0r3 l0l!11!!!1!"

Ketchup and Serenity continued talking as they walked away from the others.

"Umm… Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"What language are they speaking?"

"I'm not sure. I didn't even know that humans could make sounds like that."

"!!!" repeated Ron experimentally.

"Ron! Stop that."

"Yes, Hermione."

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PLSE REVIEW! If I get 5 more revies, I'll make chp.3. So just clik on the buttan!

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