It's done. This is the last part unless my muse starts in on the diet coke again. Thanks for coming along for the ride. It's all downhill from here.

K - a Mary-Jane, as I know it, is a fic where a non-canon character is introduced to be one of the main character's love interest. She's usually pretty, finds out the secrets faster than anyone else, doesn't annoy anyone too much and has a tragic past. (Hence Betsy so not being a Mary-Jane by any stretch of the imagination.) If anyone knows a better definition, please tell me.

I still disclaim. I still don't like it.

Segment 9

I want to tell you a story,

And I want you to listen good

It's about what happens to a man

When he trips into love

And tumbles headlong

Falling forever right into

This god-awful song

*******

Young once, I loved a girl

When she was young too

And then she was beautiful

And so I thought, you see

That stars bejewelled her hair

And the sun rose in her eyes

And set on her lashes

And moonbeams danced there

In my utter stupidity

*******

I have a cow called Betsy

Creamy is her milk

Her eyes as wide as marigolds

Her tail as soft as silk

And of all my possessions

I loved my Betsy best

*******

I loved my girl and Betsy

Like a sinner loves his sin

And of the two I couldn't tell

Whom I loved the better

My sweet lady mooned

Over yellow buttercups

While my Betsy made the butter

*******

But though she knew my Betsy

Knew how much milk she'd pour

And though she was my only

And knew I loved her so

She wanted me to take Betsy

And make hamburgers for four

*******

And though I loved her dearly

And though I needed her more

And though I wished for her only

That woman left me poor

*******

But she was so gorgeous

She made my heart pound

And even now as I drink more

I can still hear the sound

Of my heart cracking

As she trod it on the floor

*******

The grass was so green that day

Greener than my best friend's eyes

The sky is grey today

And it won't ever be blue

So give me back my heart, I pray

And I'll give you back your shoes

*******

So now it's just me and Betsy

My faithful milking cow

If you ask me what's the difference,

Between your gorgeous girlfriend

And your favourite Guernsey cow,

I'll tell the truth of love and how

That my girl was my great love

That my Betsy is my friend

And of the two

I'll always choose

The cow that gives creamy milk

Not the cow that moos