Alucard: *Is walking with Celes down an old country road*
Celes: Master what are we going to do? Were fugitives! On the run from the law with no place to go.
Alucard: Actually were on perfectly legal sick leave.
Celes: Still we have no place to go.
Alucard: Actually I have an old place around here that we can stay at while our condition clears up.
Celes: Well where is it?
Alucard: Were almost there, it's up ahead. If we keep walking we should be there by night.
Celes: *Sigh* How did my life come to this? -_- Oh wait now I remember.
Alucard: I said I was sorry. I never knew that this would happen, besides it's not like I'm enjoying myself either.
Celes: Your not a poodle.
Alucard: Ok I'll give you that, but I'm still stuck with the same problem as you more or less.
Celes: Yeah I know, sorry. I just miss gnawing on Walters leg to relieve stress.
Alucard: Is it really that therapeutic?
Celes: I guess, I think it has something to do with being in this form though.
Alucard: Hmm I'll have to try it sometime then.
-Later-
Alucard: *Walks along the road with an exhausted Celes draped over his back* Police girl, wake up were here.
Celes: *Falls off and wakes up* Huh?
Alucard: Were here.
Celes: Where is here?
Alucard: That place I told you about.
Celes: *Looks around* Oh you mean that spooky mansion on the hill surrounded by that cemetery.
Alucard: No the building to the left of that one.
Celes: 0_0 The "Cute Chibies Kindergarten Center"?
Alucard: Your other left.
Celes: Oh you mean the perfectly normal looking white suburban row home?
Alucard: Yeah that's the one.
Celes: You do realize that it's perfect normalness is ruined by the fact that it's part of a line of row homes out in the middle of no where.
Alucard: Yeah, when I bought the place they said they were going to build more. Apparently they never got around to it though.
Celes: Exactly how long ago did you buy this thing?
Alucard: About twenty years ago. A little before I was put into imprisonment by Integrals family.
Celes: Wow, now out of curiosity what would possess you to buy a house like this.
Alucard: I figured that there might come a time when I would need a place to stay or hide things away other than the mansion. So I got this place. After all who in their right mind would think to look for me or my things in a place like this.
Celes: Good point, so if this place is so out of the way would you care to explain why all those men in uniforms are standing around it?
Alucard: What? *Looks and sees a bunch of men in uniforms around the house* Hmm well their not Hellsing soldiers, wonder who they are. Let's go find out.
Celes: Were just going to walk over there and ask them? Were dogs.
Alucard: No were going to walk over there and wait till one of the loud mouthed humans decides to talk about what their there for. It never fails.
Celes: Won't they notice something odd about two dogs hanging around eavesdropping?
Alucard: Police girl, going on your knowledge of recent human culture, what would happen if a human complained to another about eavesdropping dogs?
Celes: Oh I see your point, still they might notice a dog with to many eyes.
Alucard: I can close the extra ones.
Celes: And if the humans are smarter or quieter then the average ones? What do we do if they won't talk.
Alucard: *Shrugs* I've gotten enough of my power back so far that I can control a human for a few minutes. If worse comes to worse I can just make one of them ask some rather stupid questions about things he was already supposed to know about.
Celes: Does Integral know you can do that?
Alucard: Yes, she was trained as a vampire hunter remember. Her mind is not so unhinged as those people over here. For one thing she actually acknowledges the existence of the undead.
Celes: So in other words you tried it on her once and after she filled your face full of lead she ordered you never to do it again.
Alucard: No that's completely untrue
Celes: Uh huh...
Alucard: It was mercury bullets, not lead.
Celes: Ah I see.
Alucard+Celes: *Go over to the house*
Random person: Well were finished up here let's go.
-Everyone leaves before Celes and Alucard can do anything-
Alucard: Somehow I did not foresee that...
Celes: Hey looks at this on the door, it's a notice.
Alucard: *Jumps up and pulls it down* Hmm...WHAT! They're tearing down my house! Not if I have anything to do with it.
Celes: Why are they tearing it down?
Alucard: Says here it's some kind of weird real-estate code. If a house is vacant for over thirty years with no contact from the owner then it's re-possessed by the real-estate company as it is assumed that the owner has died.
Celes: *Shrugs* Well you can get another house right?
Alucard: Yes I suppose I could, but the problem is this house has been my dumping area for a lot of the magical artifacts I've gotten over the years. If they tear it down it will cause the supernatural equivalent of an atomic bomb going off.
Celes: Ouch.
Alucard: *Nods* But it says here that if the original owner would like to get their house back they can buy it again for half price.
Celes: Well how much will that cost.
Alucard: One thousand dollars.
Celes: Well...I think I have five bucks I can spot you, except my pockets are currently fur and the money is god knows where right now.
Alucard: I'm completely broke. I never had any use for human money. I mean it's not like they sell blood and I could just take anything else I ever wanted. ^^ It's amazing how often security cameras overlook fog as a possible suspect.
Celes: So where are we going to get the money?
Alucard: I have no idea.
Celes: Hey hold on look at this. *Tears something off a nearby telephone pole* Hmm...
Alucard: What is it?
Celes: It's an advertisement for a dog show, and look the first prize is a thousand dollars!
Alucard: No Celes.
Celes: But...
Alucard: I said no.
Celes: How else are we going to get the money in time.
Alucard: I don't know but were not going to do it that way.
Celes: Master...
Alucard: Celes I'm telling you right now there is no way I'm going to enter that dog show!
-In front of the dog show building-
Alucard: -_- I can't believe I'm entering this dog show.
Celes: Be quiet, were supposed to be well bred dogs remember. Besides your not even going to be in the show, all you have to do is get some human to act as my handler, I'll be doing all the work.
Alucard: *Sigh* Fine I guess I can live with that. So what unsuspecting fool should we use as our cover?
Celes: Hmm well it has to be someone who looks well off enough to actually own a prize winning dog...
Alucard: Namely you.
Celes: Exactly, but they also need to have a weak enough mind to be easily controlled for long periods of time, we can't have them waking up from your spell during the middle of the show.
Alucard: So we need a rich weak minded person and all we have to work with is the people who show up at dog shows, gee however will we do this.
Celes: How about we just pick any old person out of the crowd.
Alucard: You read my mind. Good job, I didn't think you could do that yet.
Celes: Uh huh thanks, just make sure that they don't already have a dog and that they're not one of the judges or anything.
Alucard: How about that one over there, the lady with the opera glasses.
Celes: The one with that ugly pink boa around her neck, no wait... I just saw a judges pin on her.
Alucard: She's going to be one of the judges?
Celes: I guess so.
Alucard: -_- And people wonder why I think humans are pathetic.
Celes: Yeah well these aren't exactly what I would call normal people. Oh wait how about that guy over there, the one in the business suit. No judges pin and he doesn't have a dog.
Alucard: Yeah I can work with him, alright now we have to get him away from these people. I didn't mention it before but I sort of have to be touching the person to control them.
Celes: Touching? Master the handler has to be with their dog at least some of the time, I doubt we'll be able to explain to the judges why he has a huge black hell hound attached to him.
Alucard: Relax I still have some all of my former abilities in this form. I can keep attached to him by a very small thread of my power, biting him or something like that would do the trick. Then I can just stay out of sight and control him from there.
Celes: Oh, sort of like a remote control car. Except in this case it's a remote control person.
Alucard: Right. But we still need to get him away from that crowd for a minute.
Celes: Were in luck then he's coming this way.
Alucard: So should we do this the easy way or the hard way.
Celes: What's the hard way?
Alucard: I ambush him and drag him away before anyone can see.
Celes: Let's go with the easy way.
Alucard: Oh fine, ruin my fun.
Celes: Save your energy for when we get to The Vatican section thirteen.
Alucard: ^ ^ Oh right I almost forgot about that.
Celes: Well whatever your going to do, and I hope your plan contains some subtlety, you'd better do it now, the guy's right there.
Alucard: Right. *Goes over to the man*
Celes: *Hides* I'm almost afraid to watch. *Hides her eyes behind her paws, then peaks thru with one eye*
Alucard: *Follows the man away from the crowd*
Man: *Stops then turns around* Hello? *Shrugs* Must be my nerves.
Alucard: Excuse me Sir.
Man: *Looks all around* Now who said that?
Alucard: Down here.
Man: *Looks down* What the?
Alucard: Hi
Man: *Kneels down next to Alucard* Oh very funny. *Feels over Alucard* Alright boy where's the speaker they put on you?
Alucard: No speaker, sorry.
Man: Oh yeah right, I suppose your going to enter the show as the amazing talking dog.
Alucard: No, actually. I'm really a vampire who's stuck in ths form because I ate to many low level vampire and lost my power. But don't worry I've got a drug in me that's slowly getting my powers back. In any case it won't be me who's in the show it will be Celes over the. *Points with his paw*
Man: *Looks over at Celes*
Celes: *Waves her paw shyly* *Thinking* Well so much for subtlety.
Man: Well Mr. Vampire Dog your friend is a very nice poodle. I'd say she has a good chance of winning.
Alucard: Thanks, you seem like a very reasonable man.
Man: Why thank you.
Alucard: May I ask your name.
Man: Certainly, I'm Nicholas Maxwell the third.
Alucard: Yes well Nick, sorry about this. *Jumps up and bites his arm*
Nick: Ah what are you...bad...doggy...no biting...me *Collapses completely out cold*
Alucard: *Drags him over to Celes and out of sight*
Celes: So what now? He's out cold.
Alucard: *Eyes closed* Give me a second, I'm getting the hang of him. I'll have him up in a minute. It's just that this is like my mental self is water and he's an already soaked sponge, I can get in but it's a really tight fit.
Celes: You can do it though right?
Alucard: Of course I can, but I might need to dump a few of his memories to make room.
Celes: Is that really right?
Alucard: Oh don't worry I won't get rid of anything important, just things like where he left his car keys and the phone number of his third cousin who he never calls. Stuff like that, I doubt he'll ever miss it.
Celes: Well alright...
Alucard+Nick: There I'm in.
Celes: Ok that was creepy, so which one of you is the real Alucard?
Dog Alucard: I am, the me that's in Nick is just a small bit of my power that I'll use to control him with.
Nick: *Sniff* Oh sure, don't care about me. I don't care.
Alucard: -_- The effect of having a small part of me in someone else's mind also gives me a certain level of split personality.
Celes: Well that has to be annoying.
Nick: My preccccccioooooouuuuuus where is my preccccioooooouuuuus!?
Alucard: -_- Stop that right now.
Nick: ^ ^ Sorry I couldn't resist.
Celes: This is the side of you that you don't let out much.
Alucard: -_- Yeah and now I remember why I do that.
Nick: Hey I'm not so bad you know.
Alucard: Yeah I suppose you'll do. Now go over with Celes and get registered for the contest.
Nick: Okay *Fits a leash around Celes and walks off*
Alucard: *Watches them walk off* Well at least this will be interesting.
-In the line to sign up-
Celes: *Sigh* I can't believe I'm doing this.
Nick: You're the one who suggested it remember.
Celes: Don't remind me.
Nick: Don't take this the wrong way but shut up.
Celes: What? Why?
Nick: I've been blocking this conversation from the minds of the people around us so they won't notice dog talking but it's draining what little power I have in this body. So please just stay quiet, if I'm going to keep this body for the whole show I need to conserve my energy.
Celes: Oh sorry.
Random Woman: My what an interesting poodle, the color shade is most interesting. Might I inquire upon the breed?
Nick: She's a er...London red hair. Very rare breed.
RW: Ah I see, well good luck. *Thinking* Mangy mongrel has no chance against my Fluffy.
Celes+Nick: -_-
Celes: I know I'm supposed to be quiet, but can I bite her?
Nick:...Later...
Celes: *Nods*
-Back where Alucard is hiding-
Nick: Well were registered, but there's another problem we have to deal with now.
Alucard: What now?
Nick: The contest doesn't start until tomorrow night and I don't have enough energy to keep control of this body thru the day and all during the contest.
Celes: *Sigh* So what do we do now.
Nick: What CAN we do, I doubt Nick here will want to stick around once he get's his body back.
Alucard: There's one way...
Nick: What?
Alucard: At the house, we can stay the night at it and I have an artifact there that might help.
Nick: How is it that I don't remember anything about this thing.
Alucard: Cause I had to get rid of a lot of my own memories along with Nicks to fit you in there.
Nick: Ah I see.
Celes: Well it's a long walk to the house, might as well hurry.
-At the house-
Celes: Well were here.
Nick: So how do we get in, that place is locked up tight.
Alucard: Maybe to humans, however if you notice the small chimney on the roof.
Nick: I really don't like the way this is going.
Alucard: It's to small for a human, however a dog would fit thru.
Celes: But Master even in your dog form your to big to fit thru, the only one here small enough to fit thru is...
Alucard+Nick: *Looks at Celes*
Celes: -_- Oh I see. But how do I get up there.
Nick: *Picks Celes up and throw her onto the roof*
Celes: AHHHH *Hits the side of the chimney*
Nick: Err sorry about that.
Celes: -_-
Alucard: *Is trying not to laugh*
Celes: *Goes over to the chimney* Oh good I get to be Santa Celes. *Jumps down the chimney*
-A huge cloud of ashes comes up out of the chimney-
Celes: Ugh Master didn't you ever clean this thing.
Alucard: Yes but I've been rather busy for the last couple of decades.
Celes: You could have at least warned me.
Alucard: Must have slipped my mind.
Celes: *Unlocks the door*
Nick: *Opens the door*
Celes: *Has been turned gray with ashes* -_- I don't wanna hear one word from either of you until I can find a bath.
Alucard: The bathrooms thru that door.
Celes: Thanks *Walks into the bathroom, soon running water is heard*
Nick: So where is this artifact you were talking about.
Alucard: See that picture on the wall, take it off the wall.
Nick: *Takes the picture of the wall to reveal a high security vault* Well at least your not against new technology, what's the combination?
Alucard: 1 right, 3 left, 19 right, 87 left.
Nick: *Enters the combinations and opens the vault* Holy! There's an entire room thru here.
Alucard: Yes I know, now watch out I need to look for the amulet.
Nick: Amulet?
Alucard: *Pawing thru a large pile of treasure in one corner of the vault room* Yeah, it's a useful little trinket I picked up back in my youth. I was only about a hundred and fifty at the time and I didn't fully understand how it worked.
Nick: So what does it do?
Alucard: The artifact is actually two amulets, as long as I wear one and you wear the other I should be able to sustain your power with my own.
Nick: That works.
Celes: *Comes up of the bathroom sparkling clean and perfectly groomed* So did you solve the power problem?
Alucard: Yeah.
Celes: Alright let's get to bed then, we have a long night ahead of us tomorrow.
Nick: About how long did it take you to get used to saying times like that?
Celes: A couple of weeks. You really don't remember a lot about being Alucard do you Nick.
Alucard: I told you I had to get rid of almost all the un-needed memories in both of us.
Nick: Yeah it's rather unsettling, I'm more Nick then Alucard to tell the truth.
Alucard: Hey, at least with me in you your not some snooty well bred upper class noble.
Nick: Which makes me rather happy I have a lot of Nick in me.
Alucard: -_- Uh huh well let's just get some sleep.
Nick: Fine, I am really tired. *Goes over to the fire place and soon has a blaze going*
Celes: *Curls up in front of the fire* Mmm toasty! *Falls asleep*
Alucard: *Goes off into the shadows*
Nick: *Lies down on the bed*
-The next night, at the dog show-
Nick: *Is walking Celes thru her performance at the show*
Celes: ^_^
Judge A: Hmm perfect demeanor, very nice posturing, and an interesting breed.
Other Judges : *Nods*
Celes: What are they saying?
Nick: I have no clue but I think it's something good.
-Later-
Celes: *Runs over to Alucard* We won second prize, five hundred dollars.
Alucard: Yes I know, but we still need the other half of the money. Maybe they can accept the five hundred as a down payment or something.
Nick: Wait you mean it's money your after?
Alucard: Why else would we go out of our way to enter this contest, I need to keep my house from being torn down until I can get my magical possessions out of it.
Nick: -_- You do realize that I happen to be in the body and mind of a very rich man. *Reaches into his pocket and pulls out another five hundred dollars* Here.
Celes+Alucard: 0_0
-Later back at the house-
Nick: -_- I gave you the money, and you never actually told me that that's what you were after. You didn't have to bite me.
Celes: Yes I did.
Alucard: *Packing the last of his stuff up in a doggy bag* (Sorry I couldn't resist the pun)
Nick: Well I'll see you all later, I want this guy to be far away from you people when he wakes up. *Leaves*
Alucard: Alright I'm finished, let's go.
Celes: You know after all of this I have the odd feeling that we've forgotten to do something.
Alucard: Of course you do, we still have some un-finished business to attend to.
Celes: Oh? What's that?
-Later at the Hellsing manor-
Integral: *At her desk thinking* That idiot Alucard, I make one joke about getting him fixed and he runs off. We've had a swarm of freaks and without him these idiot soldiers of mine are barely keeping the problem contained. I will never forgive him for this.
Phone: *Rings*
Integral: *Picks it up* Hello?
Maxwell: INTEGRAL, Your heathen dogs are attacking me! Get down here and help me! ARGHH No please get off my leg! *Sounds of crashes and growls heard*
Integral: *Hangs up* ...he's forgiven.
-A few weeks later-
Alucard: *Finally human again, enters the Hellsing agency*
Integral: So your back.
Celes: *Comes in behind him* Hey I'm here to!
Walter: *Comes over* Ah so you two are back, can I get you anything?
Celes+Alucard: *Look at each other*
Celes: Actually...
Alucard: Since we sort of had to bite Maxwell in the rear end, do you think we could have some mouth wash...
Celes: LOTS of mouth wash.
-At The Vatican sec 13 headquarters-
Nick: It was so odd Uncle Maxwell, this dog started talking to me and I swear it had eight eyes, then the next thing I remember I'm walking around down some country road and someone had robbed me of five hundred dollars. I was also wearing this weird thing around my neck *Toys with the amulet*
Maxwell: -_-; Eight eyes...I see...
Nick: . Out of curiosity Uncle, why is your err...posterior bandaged like that?
An apology to all those who like or participate in dog shows. I honestly have nothing against any of you but the whole dog show stereotype was simply to perfect for this fic to resist using it.
I know that I didn't exactly put in much about what actually happened at the show. I have almost no knowledge of what happens at dog show, a few of my friends have filled in the details but I need to do the research myself to understand it. Most likely I will take this fic down at a later time and add more to it, then re-post the improved version.
Also to everyone who commented about how this fic is in script format, I would like everyone to know that this was originally supposed to be part of the Chibi Hellsing Moments comics. However the plot got to big and I made it into a separate fic. So please stop commenting about the script format, I understand that many of you do not like fics written in that style and have taken it into account. However it is the style I write comic scripts in so please just deal with it. ^_^