Chapter 2: Fanfic #1

"Are you done yet?"

"No, are you done yet?"

"No."

"Okay."

I looked at Legolas. He looked at me. Then, we both went back to our respective business: me – writing him into a story, and him – doing my math homework. I only had a few more lines to go… three… two… one… okay, done.

"I finished."

"Wha'?"

The elf stared at me for a second, not getting the point, then he beamed. "Really? Let me read it already!"

"Hold it, elf. I'll read it."

"Why?"

Dumb question, really. "Because you can't understand my handwriting. You said so yourself."

He reluctantly sighed, then said, "Okay."

"And I want no interruptions."

He glared at me. "This is bad, isn't it." It was more of a statement than a question.

"You have no idea."

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, then Boromir came in, this time bearing a tray of cookies. "Thought you may be hugnry", he said with a grin.

"Thank you, Boromir."

Legolas rolled his eyes. For a second, I felt a strong impulse of giving him a noogie, but then I thought of something even better. "Boromir, care to hear a story?"

"About what?"

"About Leggy here."

Legolas coughed. Boromir raised an eyebrow. "Okay?" He sat on the bed next to me. "Let's hear it already!"

"Okay." I cleared my throat. "Be quiet, here it goes."

Delusions of Craziness

Legolas Greenleaf, son of Thanduil, Prince of Mirkwood, was having a very crappy day.

The day before had been his 485th birthday, and therefore all of Mirkwood had been in celebration. And now, sure enough, the prince was having a hangover. Currently, he was lying on his bed, trying to ignore his aching head and his tormented stomach.

"This is the last time I drink wine", muttered the elf. "From now on, total abstinence. Oh yes. No more wine ever again. And I'll ask my father to banish it from Mirkwood for ever and ever and ever…"

The door opened, and an older elf came in. "Legolas? Are you all right?"

Legolas growled. "No, I am not—what are you doing?" he asked, as the older elf bent over so he could look under his bed.

"You were talking to someone", came the somewhat muttered answer. "I want to know who it is."

"Talking? I wasn't talking to anyone!" That was only half true, but Legolas was in no condition of explaining it to the older elf. "Get out of there."

The older elf did so, but then he begun rummaging through Legolas' closet. "I know there is someone here. Tell me who it is."

"There is no-one here!" Legolas' temper was rising. "Nobody!" His voice was now higher than usual.

"I don't believe you!"

"It's true! I was talking to myself, okay? Now go away!"

The older elf glared. "Talking… to… yourself?" He put a hand on Legolas' forehead. "You have fever, Legolas. Big time."

By now, Legolas had practically steam coming out of his ears. "I—do—not—have—fever", he hissed.

The older elf looked terrified. "Then—you are—insane! By the Valar!"

That was the final straw. With a battlecry, Legolas launched himself at the elf, which barely had time to escape and slam the door behind him. Legolas punched the door with frustration, then screamed. Finally, seing as there was nothing else he could do, he flopped back onto his bed and tried to go to sleep. But, before that, he carefully locked the door.

The end.

"Well? Whaddya think?"

For a second, both Legolas and Boromir stared at me. Then, Boromir cracked up.

"Ahahahaha!!! Legolas having a hangover!!"

The elf just kept staring at me. Boromir laughed on.

"I don't drink", Legolas said finally. "I don't have hangovers. I don't talk to myself. I don't attack my elders. And I definitely don't punch doors or scream after I've done it."

Boromir was in hysterics.

"Well, I kept my end of the deal. How's your end looking?"

"I'm not done yet, but--"

"Good! Then I'll write another story while you finish my homework! Suddenly, I got these really evil ideas…"

Legolas sighed. "I asked for it", he muttered. Then he went back to my math notebook. Boromir cracked up again.

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A/N: Okay, here's the evil fanfic! What do you think? Should I go on? Review, please! And thanks go to:

ElfWarrior6: Thanks for reviewing!

Kathy: Well, the 'Faramir-and-the-cake' story is something I wrote one day when I got bored… maybe I'll post it as a chapter of this story. Just maybe. It's really messed-up. J Thanks!