"Legolas?"
"Mmh?"
"Tell me the name of a girl you like."
Legolas glared. "Why?"
"Because. Tell me."
"…no."
"Okay, then I'll hook you up with Arwen. How's that sound?"
Boromir chuckled. Legolas rolled his eyes.
"Anyone but Arwen should be OK… wait, why did you ask me that?"
"Because, in the end, the hero gets the girl. So I need to know."
"Umm… can't you make it that the hero stays single in the end? Have the girl jump over an edge or something?"
Boromir chuckled again. "If I were you", he said, "I'd love all that attention."
"What 'attention'?"
"Well, want me to count how many million fangirls you got out there?"
"Please don't."
"No, really, it would be my pleasure!"
"DON'T! Okay, Odeena – how about yourself?"
"You – like me? Come on, elf, get serious."
"No, really! I do!"
"If that's an attempt to flatter me, you failed miserably."
"…darn."
"Time's a wasting, Legolas… Give me a name. That's all I'm asking."
"Okay then--"
"Jennifer Lopez!"
Both Legolas and I turned to glare at Boromir. He glared back innocently, "What?"
"That's just what I was going to say, Boromir."
I chocked, "What?"
"I like Jennifer Lopez. Okay? Now leave me alone, or I won't finish your homework in time."
I shrugged, "Okay. But if you don't like what comes out, remember you asked for it."
Legolas sighed. "Don't remind me."
~
I only had a few more phrases to go, when somebody knocked on the door.
"Boromir…" I muttered absently.
"Yeah?"
"Get the door."
"Oh."
He stood up, went to the door and cracked it. As soon as he did so, my nine-year-old sister burst in, then slammed the door shut behind her. When she saw Boromir staring at her and Legolas sitting at the desk, she stopped dead in her tracks – then, a very smug expression crept on her face.
"I knew it! You got men in your room at night!" she said, her voice filled with satisfaction. "I'm telling mum!"
Drat. This is one thing I didn't need right now. "Laurie, I…"
"No you won't."
Laurie glared at Boromir, a defying expression on her face. "And why not, mister man?"
Legolas chuckled.
"Because if you do, I'll tell your mum just who steals her make-up every time."
Laurie made a face. "Fine! But tell your freaky friend to get out of my bed!"
"Freaky friend?" Boromir and I asked in unison.
"Yes, freaky friend! The one who hisses and smells bad and talks to himself!"
"Gollum?" I asked, startled. "What on Earth is he doing in your bed?"
"How should I know? Just get him outta there, I want to sleep!"
I sighed. "Boromir…"
"Already on it. C'mon, munchkin."
"I'm not a munchkin."
"Yes you are, now shut up."
Legolas and I exchanged a glance.
"He's really got a way with kids", said the elf after a second. "Every thought about marrying him?"
I tossed a pillow at him, "Shut up."
~
"I'm done!"
Legolas, Boromir and Gollum, who had nobody left to bug but the three of us, all snapped their heads up, their eyes glowing with anticipation.
"We wants to hear it, Preciousss! Yesss we do!"
Boromir shifted in his seat to make himself more comfortable. "Well, get on with it!"
"Yeah…" Legolas had the voice of someone who had just been condemned to an eternity of watching Teletubbies. "Get on with it."
"Okay, here goes!"
Lego-Man
"WALL!"
Unfortunately, the warning had come too late, and Gimli crashed into the cold stone wall, face first. Legolas, who was right behind him, chuckled. Arwen carefully brushed the dust off her dress.
"Told you." Legolas leaned against the wall, while Gimli pulled himself together. "So, mister dwarf, now what?"
Gimli coughed, and a small puff of smoke came out of his mouth. "How the hell should I know?" he asked, running his fingers through his scorched hair.
"Well, least you recall, this was your idea", said Arwen, her voice more annoyed than ever. "Let's go to the caves of Helm's Deep, they're great, you'll love it! Yeesh. I still can't believe you two got me into this! I should've stayed home and--"
"Pardon", Legolas cut in, "it was his idea."
"It sounded like fun", Gimli argued.
"Until we ran straight into a dragon."
"How was I s'pposed to know we'd run into one?"
"Well next time you want all three of us to go out, I pick up the spot", said Arwen. "Or better still, I don't come at all! I have four kids and a kingdom to look after!"
"Four kids?" Legolas glared. "Wow, you and Aragorn wasted no time, did you."
Arwen slapped him on the back, "Shut up."
Legolas chuckled. "Okay, okay. Anyway, I didn't ask you to come, Gimli did."
"She came on her own", Gimli protested.
"Did not."
"Did to."
"Did not!"
"Did to!"
"Alright already, shut up!"
Gimli and Arwen glared at Legolas. "What's with you?"
"We have to get out of here. The sooner, the better."
"We need a plan."
"Arwen said a smart thing…" Gimli muttered under his breath. "It's the end of the world."
"You don't like Arwen, do you?" whispered Legolas, while Arwen begun to brush her hair carefully.
"Nope."
"Neither do I. Why did you ask her to come with us in the first place?"
"I told you, she wanted to. In fact, she followed me all the way down here and I didn't even know it until we were actually inside and she stepped on that dragon's tail."
"And then the dragon nearly turned us into a pile of ash."
"Yeah."
"Excuse me… Are you guys gonna sit here in the dark and blab about God-knows-what, or are you going to find us a way out of here?"
"Well… I think I have an idea. Hang on, I'll be right back."
"What? Where—" Arwen begun, but the elf had already vanished in the dark. "Great", she muttered. "Now it's just me and you."
Gimli inched away, "Don't even think about it."
"Think about what?"
"Um… never mind."
It was a few hours later, when some cheesy music begun to play, then a masked figure appeared out of nowhere. He was a tall man, had long, blond hair, wore a green spandex suit with a yellow 'L' on the chest and had a long green cape.
"Fear not!" he shouted, and his voice boomed across the cave. "For Lego-Man has come to your aid!"
"Really." Arwen crossed her arms. "And how exactly are you supposed to help us?"
"Like – this!" Lego-Man snapped his fingers, and suddenly all three of them were standing outside the entrance of the caves of Helm's Deep.
"Whoa…" Gimli and Arwen said in unison.
"And now, if you'll all excuse me…"
"Wait! Don't you want a hero's kiss?"
Lego-Man glared at Arwen. "Well, I – not really."
"Oh, come on!"
"No!"
"Pleeeease?"
"For crying out loud…" Lego-Man then used his magical powers and turned Arwen into Jennifer Lopez. "That's better."
"All right, you hottie… come over here…"
"Didn't see that coming", Gimli muttered as he turned his back on the kissing pair.
Then, with a flash of light, Lego-Man was gone, and Arwen was Arwen again as well.
"What a ride", she said dreamily.
"Yeah… Hey, where's Legolas?"
"Um… here he is!" Arwen pointed to the elf who had just run out of the cave.
Legolas came to a stop in front of the two, then waved. "Hi, guys! Did I miss anything?"
"Umm, no… not really", said Gimli.
"Okay then, let's go home."
"I'll say! I never want to see any of you every again!" Arwen strode off, not caring if the two were following her or not. Gimli and Legolas set off as well.
"So, what took you so long to come and rescue us?" asked Gimli after a while.
Legolas grinned, "I couldn't find a phone booth where to change my clothes."
~ The End ~
"Lego-Man…?"
Boromir cracked up. As for Gollum, he was rolling on the floor with laughter. Legolas glowered at all three of us in turn, then stood up.
"Where are you going, elf? You still have a homework to do!"
"I'll be right back", he said, with a somewhat menacing tone in his voice. "With something special for all of you…"
"If you mean you'll get a bow and shoot us, you're in for a surprise. I hid your bow and arrows in the attic. You'll never find them."
"Very smart of you, Boromir. But no, it's not that. It's just a lil' story 'Deena wrote one day, when she was getting bored. It's about you, Faramir and a cake."
I stood up. "You wouldn't!"
"Wanna bet?" Before I could stop him, Legolas was already out the door.
I collapsed on the bed and hid my head under a pillow. "I am so dead…"
__________
A/N: Wow, I updated! It's been – how many months? Anyway, I blame it all on school My life is a bit messed up… hopefully I'll recover in time for the next chap… Anyway, thanks for reviewing go to:
Hael: I updated again! Hope you like the new chap! By the way, where can you get an Evil Trig Book of Doom? They didn't have it in the scool library!
Chanra: Really? I was wondering why Haldir had been so careless as to get killed by an orc… Anyway, let's hope that won't happen to Leggy, too. I'd hate it!
PS: Sorry if I didn't answer to all my reviewers, but somehow I just can't get into the 'reviews' page of this story right now… Sorry again!