Dedications: Sirius, man, you may be lost but you certainly are not forgotten. Much love to Mommy Teabag, for encouragement and helping me on the first draft. ;D *huggles* Also, to Chris aka RubeusHagrid. If it weren't for you introducing me about World Idol, without you, this fic would never exist.
ANs: This is purely inspired by the music of Fenrik Lane (Kurt Nilsen's band); "World Idol" himself -- Kurt Nilsen, Will Young, and Guy Sebastian playing in the background on Winamp.
I was downloading music of Kurt Nilsen's to see what he sounded like, and in the process I was desperately trying to find the lyrics of the songs he was singing. In my search, I stumbled upon the official site of his band Fenrik Lane. I was looking through the lyrics, but they were songs done by the BAND, not the ones sung on World Idol. So I checked the downloads section for fun and found the song Ebony, which is used in this fic.
Fenrik Lane - fenriklane.com [add a slash and eng afterwards]
The lyrics seem to reflect much of Harry's mood, even if the song isn't spot on. And the tone and mood of the song work well with the lyrics, along with Kurt's voice, which isn't too strong or heavy. I suggest you download the song from their official website while you read this. It was what I was listening to when I first started writing the fic.
This thing was written and re-written many, many times. It was better than the original version. Lol I was listening to Ebony when I wrote the second version. Sorry if I repeat sometimes, but since it's my first fic in the fandom in so long, I feel a little...rusty lol.
I hope you enjoy my fic!
A word of caution: Please, don't take this fic lightly. When I mean lightly, I mean, you read and skim it and you find a part you don't like (because of Canon reasons) you'll be surprised. Really. Please read it from start to finish. Take my word, if you don't, you might be disappointed at what I do in the middle (or happy, whatever LOL) and what I change in the end.
Thanks for reading this huge arse author's note. LOL I didn't mean to make it so long! XDD
Have a happy reading!
~A-Chan Yuy
The Passing of Night
There was a young man walking the street. It was nighttime, perhaps six o'clock, and the sunset had already passed. He had his hands in his pockets, idly walking alone.
Being in the Dursley household was all too much for him. Reminders of the Department of Mysteries were running through his head again; another troubled night of dreams waiting to haunt him.
Sirius was gone.
How was he to accept that?
The young man didn't know the answer. How was he to know the answer? He felt hopeless, and to blame. It was his fault that Sirius was gone, his fault that he drew him there...Damn him for his curiosity.
He was walking through the alleyway, remembering what happened the summer before. The dementors had been running; eerie in their own way, and they had been cloaked with darkness...darkness that seemed to have ran in their blood; fear approaching at every corner...hiding and tagging them back, like a little boy screaming, "Tag! You're it!" over and over...
Snapping out of his gaze, he looked up, and for a moment, he thought he saw a shadow of a dog.
And in recognition, his eyes slightly opened.
Flashbacks of third year came towards his mind; fears of running from the Dursleys after blowing Aunt Marge up, running from expulsion...the dog. Meeting Sirius as Padfoot for the first time...interest, amazement, curiosity, fear...Why, oh why? All they now were memories, nothing more.
He kept on walking. He started power-walking, trying to walk away from that familiar garage; no more pain, no more Sirius...please don't taunt him with memories of a man he loved so much... Memories kept encompassing him, happiness that he could live with Sirius, times of bonding with him in Grimmauld Place, though with oddly placed guilt and sadness...Sirius, why are you gone?
His feet stopped in front of the swing, this precious little swing, swaying slightly in the wind. He shivered and kept on wondering.
It was yet another miracle; Dudley and his gang didn't bother with the swings anymore, did they? The swing was still there, like last summer, taunting him with the tugs of fear of expulsion again. Who knew what was going to happen anymore. There were going to be more deaths, more pains to come.
He would have to brace it.
He sat down, his shirt clinging to him like a dangling tablecloth. His skinny figure made him look younger than before, and his eyes were hollow. Sure, he was happier than last year, but tonight was not a very pleasant night.
Looking down, he started to swing himself; imagining how it would feel being a little kid again, maybe with companions this time, laughing and giggling...and there would be his parents, smiling, and when he was done, he'd run and hug his parents tightly, in happiness...Dreams of a better life before the Dursleys, without them...Oh how the past just creeps on you...
He heard a rustle come out of the bushes near by. Alert, he saw a shadowy figure move toward him.
A person? That couldn't be a dementor...it was too calm...
The approaching creature headed towards him; a distinct shape starting to form in the moon light. Darker, and bigger, an animal...and as soon as it was a few feet away, he couldn't believe his eyes.
A bear-sized black dog...staring at him in a familiar way...
And before he knew it, the dog was right in front of his legs, perched on the ground, looking up at his face.
He uttered words to the silence, "Sirius...? Is it really you?" At that, he placed his hands towards the dog's face, feeling its soft fur under his hand. He started rubbing the dog's ears, in happiness. He was alive, right? Or was this really a dream...?
Harry pinched himself, twisting the flesh slightly. Nope, this wasn't a dream. But, how...?
He started talking to the dog.
"Sirius? Or should I call you Snuffles? Well...I suppose...you are Snuffles...right?" He eyed the dog, as if it were able to give him the answers.
The dog didn't recognize any of the names given to him. But, he accepted the boy's affectionate petting wholeheartedly, regardless if it was for him or not. He did not mind.
The boy stared into the dog's eyes, searching in longing. Suddenly, his hand stopped moving.
The dog, sensing something wrong, lifted himself from the ground and placed his paws on the boy's knees, licking his face. He needed some kind of love, right? He looked so alone...
The boy broke into smiles, and his eyes were weary, but twinkling, as if contemplating this happiness...He held the dog tightly, not wanting to let go. Please don't let this be a dream, please don't let him be imagining....
"I'm sorry, Snuffles," sobbing. "It was entirely my fault...if it wasn't for me...if I'd listen and did what I was supposed to have done, or if I didn't involve you...If only I didn't go to the Department of Mysteries and managed to drag you to save me...if only...I'm sorry, it's my fault, Sirius, all my fault..."
The pain was welling up in his chest, blinding his vision, and ruining his glasses. Sobbing into the fur, the dog licked him once again, to console him...
This summer he had been in denial. Always denial... The realization of the truth hit him like a pile of bricks; plummeting him back to the ground...and it hurt. It hurt, but the road of acceptance is always hard, wasn't it?
Sniffling, he let go. He removed his glasses from his face and wiped it away using his sleeve. There. He got it off his chest, the guilt...the guilt...
The dog gave him a glance. Was he ok? The creature did not want to leave; this boy needed so much love...
As if for approval, he kept his stare. But he could tell the boy was staring out of him, not at him. He was lost in his thoughts once more. And slowly, he walked away, hoping he would be alright.
But he didn't want him to leave. No, never. Before he could do anything, the mysterious hound was disappearing into the darkness once more.
It wasn't too long before Harry started to get up and walk away from the swing. There wasn't much more to do here, he might as well go back to Privet Drive. And so, he started walking; hands in his pockets once more.
Approaching the door, he stepped into his room. There wasn't much, he supposed, but it was alright. He, then, noticed Hedwig had a letter attached to her leg. He walked over and untied the string.
The familiar script stared out at him, mocking him of what tortures had plagued him for so long.
It was Sirius' handwriting. Was Padfoot really alive tonight?
So, Harry proceeded to read.
Dear Harry,
My dear, dear Harry...How am I to say this? Don't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault, no, not at all. I love you, Harry. Don't blame yourself. Don't blame anyone else either; no one is to blame. I love you, and I want you to move on. Be happy. Move on, and forget about me. I'm alright. I'm not going away anytime soon. I'll meet you when the time is right, count on that.
I love you, Harry.
Farewell.
Until then,
Yours,
Sirius
Harry started to cry. Sirius was alive, but yet...not alive. Move on? Forget about Sirius? Was he crazy? How could he? HOW?
He remembered about Sirius in the park. What was that then? It was real, he knew that. Maybe, maybe--he was kidding himself--this was so Sirius could stay undercover...so no one would suspect he was alive. That's it! Maybe, if he went to the park tomorrow, he could see Sirius again!
Harry went to sleep with this thought on his mind.
Now, he was at the park, sitting on the swing, just like yesterday. Sirius wasn't here. Maybe he could only meet on certain days...and this routine kept on for days on end...day after day after day...he couldn't accept it. No, he couldn't.
On the fifth day, Harry stopped trying. He was really and truly gone. Harry clutched the note, and re-read it one last time.
"Move on, and forget about me."
The note fell out of his hand and cried; for the first time since that night...silently, he cried...he was alone; no one to witness what he was feeling, what he was seeing...
The moon's glow eerily shadowed on his skin, making him paler, and younger, yet again. His lanky frame made this even more convincing. No more...no more...
But not too far out of view, outside on the sidewalk, was a dog staring up towards the window. If only Harry had seen him looking up, waiting for someone to greet him one last time...
Turning its head, the dog started walking away, turning into shadow once more.
Ebony... These are the ways of society. Reach for the sun.
There is no sun, you are the lonely one.
Ebony... These are the facts, this is reality.
They'll drag you down. They'll break your heart and turn your world around
Ebony, say you will always find a friend in me.
But you must do whatever I say.
Now lay down and dream, someone will come and set you free.
Though you know in your heart that you are here to stay.
The dream that died - was it murder or was it suicide?
It left you cold, made you feel so used and old.
Ebony, now there is nothing to look forward to.
But you may still have to suffer and fight.
Now lay down and dream, someone will come and set you free.
Though you know, in the end you'll see no light.
Ebony, you'll never be what you want to be.
Your hopes are gone, you'll never ever trust another one.
Ebony, say you will always find a friend in me.
But you must do whatever I say.
Now lay down and dream, someone will come and set you free.
Though you know in your heart that you are here to stay.
Ebony ~ Fenrik Lane
ANs: This is purely inspired by the music of Fenrik Lane (Kurt Nilsen's band); "World Idol" himself -- Kurt Nilsen, Will Young, and Guy Sebastian playing in the background on Winamp.
I was downloading music of Kurt Nilsen's to see what he sounded like, and in the process I was desperately trying to find the lyrics of the songs he was singing. In my search, I stumbled upon the official site of his band Fenrik Lane. I was looking through the lyrics, but they were songs done by the BAND, not the ones sung on World Idol. So I checked the downloads section for fun and found the song Ebony, which is used in this fic.
Fenrik Lane - fenriklane.com [add a slash and eng afterwards]
The lyrics seem to reflect much of Harry's mood, even if the song isn't spot on. And the tone and mood of the song work well with the lyrics, along with Kurt's voice, which isn't too strong or heavy. I suggest you download the song from their official website while you read this. It was what I was listening to when I first started writing the fic.
This thing was written and re-written many, many times. It was better than the original version. Lol I was listening to Ebony when I wrote the second version. Sorry if I repeat sometimes, but since it's my first fic in the fandom in so long, I feel a little...rusty lol.
I hope you enjoy my fic!
A word of caution: Please, don't take this fic lightly. When I mean lightly, I mean, you read and skim it and you find a part you don't like (because of Canon reasons) you'll be surprised. Really. Please read it from start to finish. Take my word, if you don't, you might be disappointed at what I do in the middle (or happy, whatever LOL) and what I change in the end.
Thanks for reading this huge arse author's note. LOL I didn't mean to make it so long! XDD
Have a happy reading!
~A-Chan Yuy
There was a young man walking the street. It was nighttime, perhaps six o'clock, and the sunset had already passed. He had his hands in his pockets, idly walking alone.
Being in the Dursley household was all too much for him. Reminders of the Department of Mysteries were running through his head again; another troubled night of dreams waiting to haunt him.
Sirius was gone.
How was he to accept that?
The young man didn't know the answer. How was he to know the answer? He felt hopeless, and to blame. It was his fault that Sirius was gone, his fault that he drew him there...Damn him for his curiosity.
He was walking through the alleyway, remembering what happened the summer before. The dementors had been running; eerie in their own way, and they had been cloaked with darkness...darkness that seemed to have ran in their blood; fear approaching at every corner...hiding and tagging them back, like a little boy screaming, "Tag! You're it!" over and over...
Snapping out of his gaze, he looked up, and for a moment, he thought he saw a shadow of a dog.
And in recognition, his eyes slightly opened.
Flashbacks of third year came towards his mind; fears of running from the Dursleys after blowing Aunt Marge up, running from expulsion...the dog. Meeting Sirius as Padfoot for the first time...interest, amazement, curiosity, fear...Why, oh why? All they now were memories, nothing more.
He kept on walking. He started power-walking, trying to walk away from that familiar garage; no more pain, no more Sirius...please don't taunt him with memories of a man he loved so much... Memories kept encompassing him, happiness that he could live with Sirius, times of bonding with him in Grimmauld Place, though with oddly placed guilt and sadness...Sirius, why are you gone?
His feet stopped in front of the swing, this precious little swing, swaying slightly in the wind. He shivered and kept on wondering.
It was yet another miracle; Dudley and his gang didn't bother with the swings anymore, did they? The swing was still there, like last summer, taunting him with the tugs of fear of expulsion again. Who knew what was going to happen anymore. There were going to be more deaths, more pains to come.
He would have to brace it.
He sat down, his shirt clinging to him like a dangling tablecloth. His skinny figure made him look younger than before, and his eyes were hollow. Sure, he was happier than last year, but tonight was not a very pleasant night.
Looking down, he started to swing himself; imagining how it would feel being a little kid again, maybe with companions this time, laughing and giggling...and there would be his parents, smiling, and when he was done, he'd run and hug his parents tightly, in happiness...Dreams of a better life before the Dursleys, without them...Oh how the past just creeps on you...
He heard a rustle come out of the bushes near by. Alert, he saw a shadowy figure move toward him.
A person? That couldn't be a dementor...it was too calm...
The approaching creature headed towards him; a distinct shape starting to form in the moon light. Darker, and bigger, an animal...and as soon as it was a few feet away, he couldn't believe his eyes.
A bear-sized black dog...staring at him in a familiar way...
And before he knew it, the dog was right in front of his legs, perched on the ground, looking up at his face.
He uttered words to the silence, "Sirius...? Is it really you?" At that, he placed his hands towards the dog's face, feeling its soft fur under his hand. He started rubbing the dog's ears, in happiness. He was alive, right? Or was this really a dream...?
Harry pinched himself, twisting the flesh slightly. Nope, this wasn't a dream. But, how...?
He started talking to the dog.
"Sirius? Or should I call you Snuffles? Well...I suppose...you are Snuffles...right?" He eyed the dog, as if it were able to give him the answers.
The dog didn't recognize any of the names given to him. But, he accepted the boy's affectionate petting wholeheartedly, regardless if it was for him or not. He did not mind.
The boy stared into the dog's eyes, searching in longing. Suddenly, his hand stopped moving.
The dog, sensing something wrong, lifted himself from the ground and placed his paws on the boy's knees, licking his face. He needed some kind of love, right? He looked so alone...
The boy broke into smiles, and his eyes were weary, but twinkling, as if contemplating this happiness...He held the dog tightly, not wanting to let go. Please don't let this be a dream, please don't let him be imagining....
"I'm sorry, Snuffles," sobbing. "It was entirely my fault...if it wasn't for me...if I'd listen and did what I was supposed to have done, or if I didn't involve you...If only I didn't go to the Department of Mysteries and managed to drag you to save me...if only...I'm sorry, it's my fault, Sirius, all my fault..."
The pain was welling up in his chest, blinding his vision, and ruining his glasses. Sobbing into the fur, the dog licked him once again, to console him...
This summer he had been in denial. Always denial... The realization of the truth hit him like a pile of bricks; plummeting him back to the ground...and it hurt. It hurt, but the road of acceptance is always hard, wasn't it?
Sniffling, he let go. He removed his glasses from his face and wiped it away using his sleeve. There. He got it off his chest, the guilt...the guilt...
The dog gave him a glance. Was he ok? The creature did not want to leave; this boy needed so much love...
As if for approval, he kept his stare. But he could tell the boy was staring out of him, not at him. He was lost in his thoughts once more. And slowly, he walked away, hoping he would be alright.
But he didn't want him to leave. No, never. Before he could do anything, the mysterious hound was disappearing into the darkness once more.
It wasn't too long before Harry started to get up and walk away from the swing. There wasn't much more to do here, he might as well go back to Privet Drive. And so, he started walking; hands in his pockets once more.
Approaching the door, he stepped into his room. There wasn't much, he supposed, but it was alright. He, then, noticed Hedwig had a letter attached to her leg. He walked over and untied the string.
The familiar script stared out at him, mocking him of what tortures had plagued him for so long.
It was Sirius' handwriting. Was Padfoot really alive tonight?
So, Harry proceeded to read.
Dear Harry,
My dear, dear Harry...How am I to say this? Don't blame yourself. It wasn't your fault, no, not at all. I love you, Harry. Don't blame yourself. Don't blame anyone else either; no one is to blame. I love you, and I want you to move on. Be happy. Move on, and forget about me. I'm alright. I'm not going away anytime soon. I'll meet you when the time is right, count on that.
I love you, Harry.
Farewell.
Until then,
Yours,
Sirius
Harry started to cry. Sirius was alive, but yet...not alive. Move on? Forget about Sirius? Was he crazy? How could he? HOW?
He remembered about Sirius in the park. What was that then? It was real, he knew that. Maybe, maybe--he was kidding himself--this was so Sirius could stay undercover...so no one would suspect he was alive. That's it! Maybe, if he went to the park tomorrow, he could see Sirius again!
Harry went to sleep with this thought on his mind.
Now, he was at the park, sitting on the swing, just like yesterday. Sirius wasn't here. Maybe he could only meet on certain days...and this routine kept on for days on end...day after day after day...he couldn't accept it. No, he couldn't.
On the fifth day, Harry stopped trying. He was really and truly gone. Harry clutched the note, and re-read it one last time.
"Move on, and forget about me."
The note fell out of his hand and cried; for the first time since that night...silently, he cried...he was alone; no one to witness what he was feeling, what he was seeing...
The moon's glow eerily shadowed on his skin, making him paler, and younger, yet again. His lanky frame made this even more convincing. No more...no more...
But not too far out of view, outside on the sidewalk, was a dog staring up towards the window. If only Harry had seen him looking up, waiting for someone to greet him one last time...
Turning its head, the dog started walking away, turning into shadow once more.
Ebony... These are the ways of society. Reach for the sun.
There is no sun, you are the lonely one.
Ebony... These are the facts, this is reality.
They'll drag you down. They'll break your heart and turn your world around
Ebony, say you will always find a friend in me.
But you must do whatever I say.
Now lay down and dream, someone will come and set you free.
Though you know in your heart that you are here to stay.
The dream that died - was it murder or was it suicide?
It left you cold, made you feel so used and old.
Ebony, now there is nothing to look forward to.
But you may still have to suffer and fight.
Now lay down and dream, someone will come and set you free.
Though you know, in the end you'll see no light.
Ebony, you'll never be what you want to be.
Your hopes are gone, you'll never ever trust another one.
Ebony, say you will always find a friend in me.
But you must do whatever I say.
Now lay down and dream, someone will come and set you free.
Though you know in your heart that you are here to stay.
Ebony ~ Fenrik Lane