Legolas and the Really Messed-Up Fanfic!
by Odeena Skywalker
Chapter 8: The Secret Crush of Legolas, part two… well, sort of XD
With my latest fanfic, I got what I wanted - that is, getting back at Legolas for reading the Faramir-and-the-cake story to Boromir & co. Now, seeing the elf's miserable expression as he watched me writing, I began to feel a little sorry for him. Just a little. I was still mad at him enough to finish the fanfic. But this time, I decided to go easy on him.
…Well, that, and to ask Boromir & Co. for ideas, so that later on I could place the blame on them if Legolas went ballistic. So…
"Boromir, Faramir, Gollum - I need ideas."
Boromir stopped laughing long enough to give me a bemused look; then, he whispered something to Faramir, and they both cracked up.
"All right then, how about you have the two fall in love and run away with your brother's car?"
"--and have your brother in hot pursuit because he forgot his latest issue of Playb--I mean, Vogue on the backseat of the car, and he's an avid collector."
"And then the two think Scott is out to get them and run to Mexico."
"And then they get to Area 31 and meet a bunch of aliens from the planet Gor."
"And then--"
"Whoa, whoa, hold it you two!" They both glared, and I gave a little sigh. "That - that will do, thank you."
"You're really going to write that?"
I turned to Legolas. "No, elf. Of course not. I'll just have you drive over an edge instead." Me and my sarcastic sense of humor… By the next day, I would probably have a mob of Legolas fangirls chasing me with torches if I did that. Not to mention that I would have to suffer from a guilty conscience for the rest of my life. Contrary to what some people may think, I'm not a murderer. Although sometimes I tend to act like it.
"Okay… Listen, I got an idea."
"Amaze me."
"I know I suggested this before, but - what if I'd fall in love with you instead of her?"
I chuckled. "You - and me? You must be getting desperate."
"I am!"
"Sorry. I never write romance fics about myself."
"Why not?"
"Because they either come out lame, corny, or both."
"I read some of them, and they're pretty good. Really, they are! Especially the one with you and Bor--"
"Shut up!" Thankfully, Boromir hadn't noticed it; Faramir, on the other hand, was goggling at me. I made a face at him, then shushed desperately at the elf.
"Legolas… Exactly how many dirty secrets on me do you hold?"
"Enough to give the Fellowship stuff to gossip on for days."
Oooooh shit.
Then again…
"And how many fanfics do you think I can write?"
"Enough to give the Fellowship stuff to laugh at for weeks", Boromir interjected. "Give it up, Legolas. You're out of your league."
Legolas sighed. "Look, I really, really didn't want to come to this… but what if I fall in love with you in real life? Will you drop it then?"
"No, because that can't be."
"Why not?"
"Because it simply can't be. I mean, come on, you and me? Me and you? No. Doesn't sound right. No way."
"Why not?" Faramir cut in. "You are single, you hate your ex - here's a chance to make him jealous! Go out with the most adored guy on the planet!"
"You'd make a nice couple", Boromir added. "And you'd leave the rest of the Fellowship jaw-hanging, too."
"Yeah, c'mon - please?"
What could I do? I shrugged, then I set aside my pen and clipboard. "Three against one… you win… okay."
Faramir and Boromir exchanged a high-five. "Well, you two will probably have a lot of things to talk about, so we'll be leaving…" Boromir half-dragged Golum towards the door, and Faramir waved. "Bye, have fun!"
For a few moments, I stared at the door, then at Legolas. "Did what I think that just happened - happen?"
"I guess so."
"You really mean it?"
"Like I have a choice."
"Don't get me wrong, elf, I never actually meant to--"
"You don't have to say anything. Look, as your boyfriend…" he sighed, "I never thought I'd actually… oh well… Listen, I… you… okay, I know you never kissed anyone before, right?"
"And I don't intend to."
"You don't know what you're missing."
"Legolas…"
"Come on, it can't be that bad! Just - trust me, okay?"
"Uhh… I don't know…"
'Take it! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! Don't be an idiot!' a small voice at the back of my head was screaming. I shook my head. "Okay, elf. Let's see what comes out of it."
A few moments later, we stood in front of each other, and I stared intently at the tips of my toes.
"I suppose I have to hold you…" He wrapped his arms around my waist, and I gave a small shudder at the sudden contact. "And you have to hold me."
"Do I really have to…?" I asked in a small voice.
"Yeah."
I wrapped my arms around his neck, then closed my eyes.
"You ready?"
I gave a small not, and held my breath. He leaned in, and for a second I felt his breath on my lips - and the rest is history. All I can say is that it wasn't at all as bad as I had expected it to be… and it wasn't that short, either.
"Aaaaah! Odeena is kissing a man! I'm telling mum!!"
"Huh?"
"Oh, no…"
Surely, my hell-spawned little sister was standing in the doorframe, eyes bulging, a wide grin on her face. Then, she turned and ran off.
"I'm dead", I said, sitting down on my bed. "It's been fun, elf, but--"
Legolas shrugged. "Just pretend nothing happened."
"Huh?"
"Turn the light off, get in the bed, and when your mum comes play innocent. She'll never know."
I obliged, then pretended to be fast asleep. Legolas hid behind a curtain. A few minutes later, I heard small voices outside my door.
"I'm telling you, Mum, she was sitting in the middle of the room, and she was holding him, and they were - kissing!"
"Laurie, honey, are you sure? There's no light…"
"And she had men in her room! And one of her friends was in my bed!"
"Now that can't be. Come on, honey, you had a bad dream."
"But they were there! They were there I tell you!"
"Go to bed."
"Mum…"
"Now."
I snickered evilly. "Bright plan, elf", I whispered.
Legolas came out from behind the curtain, grinning. "Thank you. Here's another one: go to sleep. It's almost morning."
I yawned. "If you say so…"
He tiptoed across the room, but I stopped him with a gesture. "Elf…"
"Yes?"
"Aren't you going to give me a good night kiss?"
"Now you're acting like a spoilt little girl."
"Oh come on, pleeease?"
"Okay, okay…" He kissed my forehead lightly. "That's all you get. Good night."
"Good night…" And before I knew it, I was fast asleep.
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A/N: Lotsa reviews again… this time, I didn't have a "fic-in-the-fic", and this is mostly because of my reviewers… *points around* this means you guys. Since all of you sympathize with the elf, I couldn't have him suffer even more - and so I had to improvise instead. Hope you like what came out! And for the record, for this fanfic I crossed the most important principle I have: never write a romance fic with me and a guy who is adored by at least ten thousand fangirls. Oh well… Here come the review responses:
Stewardess of Gondor: Ooh, right! Figures… So, how'd your sister like Gollum? *snicker* You can borrow the rest of the fellowship if you want, but be sure to have them back by February 1st, when I'll begin the sequel to this fanfic. Have fun!
Samus: Don't worry, I didn't feel offended. I know my fanfics aren't 'best-of-the-best' either. Sorry about the bloopers… that one must've slipped out.
Ellemire: Thank you! By the way, nice name!
ApocalypticPyro: You're right… therefore, in this chapter, Legolas didn't suffer any more… Stay tuned for the sequel though, it's going to be even better than this fic!
Jeni: I'll get ROTK on CD as soon as I get the chance. Because here it'll only come in theaters in June. But - there are other ways! *huggies her fave CD pirate guy*
KnowInsight: Thanks for all your reviews! You're really sweet! And Laurie turned 9 on December 29
kaya: Lessee, do you think me to be foolish now? *grins* Anyway, I just hope that my first real life kiss will be just as good … XD
jUsSTeeNh: You're right too! I'm not that cruel, really, I'm just playing…
Elly And The Gundam Wing Fan: Thank you! ^_^
Musicgrl: Ooh, so you're the cake lover! I love cakes too XD! Anyway, thanks for reviewing!