" " : talking

/… / : thinking


Chapter 3:  Explanations

"Wha… WHAT THE HELL?!" Harry roared.

"Harry," Lucius said in a calm voice.

"I… You… Where is my father? What have you done to him?" Harry was shaking now, but whether in fear or anger neither Lucius nor Severus knew.

"Harry," Lucius tried again. "Please, let me explain."

But the young wizard was completely deaf to the man's plea. The only thing that occupied his mind right at the moment was that he was with the enemy of his enemy, which did not mean it was good situation. Voldemort and Lucius Malfoy were both known for being Dark Wizards, but whereas Voldemort showed it clearly, nothing had been found that proved Lucius' culpability.

"You, you… where is my father? WHERE IS MY FATHER?" Harry was now screaming hysterically. His breathing was heavy and his shaking had increased to a point where Lucius and Severus wondered if he was not going to hyperventilate and pass out.

Lucius glanced at Severus who had placed himself behind the teenager without him noticing. Lucius then drew out his wand and before Harry could react, cast a calming spell on him. Harry went limp and fell into the waiting arms of his private teacher.

Severus carried him to a sofa that was near a fireplace Harry had not noticed. He placed the young boy in a sitting position and took a place next to him. Lucius took a seat in front of them.

Harry could not move. His mind was in turmoil but his breathing was back to normal and he had stopped shaking. But he felt very tired suddenly.

"What have you done to me?" he asked in a whisper.

"I only cast a calming spell on you. You were so stressed and panicked that you were going to pass out. Moreover, I need you to be calm to listen to what I am going to tell you," Lucius replied.

Harry could only stare at Lucius, but he moved his hand to reach Severus' arm and squeezed it slightly. Severus squeezed back as a gesture of reassurance.

"Harry… Harry… I'm…I'm your father," Lucius finally said quietly.

Harry said nothing.

"I am Lucius Malfoy, but I am also James Potter."

Harry kept staring at him without showing any sign of emotions.

"I… well, it's complicated," Lucius began.

"You know that the Malfoy family is well known and feared by a lot of people in the wizarding world. We have done bad things for generations now. You also know that I'm currently fighting with Riddle to take power in the underworld.

"When I was a child, I was injured during a fight involving my father as I was having a short walk with him. After that event, he decided to make sure I would not be harmed again. He decided to create a back up for me. Something I could turn to if things did not go in the right direction for me.

It was at that moment that James Potter was born. To protect me, he separated himself from my mother, sending her into the Muggle world with a false identity.

"When I was with my father, I was Lucius Malfoy, his only heir. He taught me everything about our family and the business he was doing _business that he would legate to me after his death.When I was with my mother, I was James Potter, a Muggle-born wizard living  as normally as was possible for a wizard.

"I also went into the wizarding world as James, to be recognized as a full entity, completely apart from Lucius. Under that disguise, I met Sirius and the others. I told him and Remus my secret, making them swear they would never reveal it to anyone. I did not tell Peter though; we were not as close as I was with the two others.

"When I was twenty, I married Narcissa. It was an arranged marriage between our two families. You could even use the word 'contract' in fact. Thanks to it, the Malfoys' wealth grew bigger and Narcissa's  family had their name associated with the Malfoys. Although they were feared, even if nothing has been found about their dark side, the Malfoy family was very powerful in other branches too. In the very first year of our marriage, Narcissa became pregnant with Draco, my heir." There, Lucius stopped to see Harry's reaction. The green-eyed boy was still impassive.

"Well, you must know him through the papers. Anyway, I lived quietly as possible for someone like me. I kept on using the identity of James Potter in the Muggle world for my business. My wife and son never knew of it and still don't know.

"By the age of twenty-three, I had become quite famous in the Muggle business world. One day, my personal secretary fell ill and I had to find a substitute for her. That was at that moment that I met your mother. She was very well-qualified. Her CV was impressive, so I decided to call her for a meeting. At first sight I knew she was a witch and she knew I was a wizard. We looked at one another for few minutes and then I said, 'you are hired.'

"At first, we just talked about work, but one Monday morning she asked how my weekend had been, and from then we began to talk about our lives a little. The more I knew her, the more I was attracted to her. I first thought that it was just lust, but I quickly discovered that it was love. I was torn. I wanted to tell her about my true identity but I was afraid to lose her.

"Then, one day, as I was walking her back to her house, she told me she was in love with me. I was completely dumbstruck. I could not believe it, however, and told her about my feelings, too. From that day, we began to see each other frequently until the day I revealed the truth.

"After a lot of shouting and crying, she accepted remaining as my… mistress. But I hated that word. For me, she was the only wife I wanted to have. So we decided that when we were together, my other life would completely disappear and for the world, James and Lily were a married couple living peacefully together.

"I never thought I could be happier than I was at that time. I only came back to Malfoy Manor for business and saw Narcissa and Draco from time to time.

"We were so overjoyed together, your mother and I, until the day she discovered she was pregnant with you. That was a miracle because normally it was never supposed to happen. The potion I take to become James Potter does not change my only physical appearance, but also my DNA. So when I'm James, I'm really a completely different person, except for my magical signature; that cannot be changed.

"It was believed that under the potion, conceiving children was impossible because of DNA problems and other things.

"So your arrival was truly a gift from the gods. Moreover, seeing that you looked like James was incredible luck. We decided to never mention it to anyone, well, except for Remus and Sirius, for fear that the wizarding world would take you away from us to study you. Also, as my other identity was a secret, well… And when you were a baby, you showed a great amount of power too, which made us more resolute to not talk about your special condition.

"Until tonight, my life was a heaven. And now…" Lucius finally stopped speaking.

He lowered his eyes down to his hands, waiting for the reaction of his son. When nothing came, he raised his eyes again and looked at Harry's face. Tears were flowing freely on his cheeks and he had a confused air about his expression. He looked as if he wanted to say something.

Harry turned towards Severus who now was holding his hand. When he realized it, the older man dropped it.

"Did you know about it?" Harry asked in a whisper.

"Yes, I did," he replied calmly.

Harry seemed to take a deep breath and said, "Get out. Both of you."

This short sentence rang in their ears as if it had been shouted.

"Harry please…" Lucius tried to say.

"Leave me alone. I want to be alone. I need to be alone."

They both understood and complied. Before leaving however, Lucius said softly, "Please, please my son… Don't hate me."

When the door closed, Harry went over to the bed; he lay down and began to cry as though he would never stop. "It was a lie… My whole life was lie… Who am I? James Potter's son or Malfoy's bastard? A simple human being or an aberration of nature?"

 He cried until he could think of nothing any longer and drifted into sleep.  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Harry woke up from a dreamless sleep, it was the beginning of the afternoon. He felt lost. He just lay there, not moving. Then, he felt something near him. He turned his head and saw Hedwig. She hooted softly and stretched out her leg to which a letter was attached.

Harry reached and took the envelope. His name was written on it. He recognized the handwriting immediately. It was his mother's.

His hands were shaking as he opened the envelope. It was scented with the light perfume she used to wear.

Slowly, so slowly, he took out the letter and began to read.

                                                                                                                        August 2nd, 1980

To my dearest sweet little baby boy,

You are so cute! Awww… You've just yawned with your little mouth and tongue, your little hands balled in fists. Your hair is a mess, exactly like your father's. I can't believe you are really here. My little Wonder Boy.

If you are reading this letter, it means that I have died before your eighteenth birthday, the date your father and I decided to tell you the truth.

I'm so sorry my sweetie, I'm not here for you physically anymore, but I'll always be with you in your memories.

Don't be too sad. At least, you still have your father.

I suppose that by now, you know the truth. Please, don't be mad at your father. He had good reasons for doing what he did, and I know how much he loves us.

I wish you had seen his face the first time he saw you. He was in tears! He is so sensitive! Worse than a woman! Don't tell him I've just said that, or he'll pout for at least a week! Anyway, you must have a lot of questions. I'll try to answer them all.

Why did I continue to see him, after knowing his little secret?

It's simple, because I love him. I love him so much it hurts sometimes.

When he told me he was married, my world turned upside down. The feeling of betrayal was so intense I thought I was going to die. I thought that after saying this he would go back to his family and ask me to forget him. But he did not.

I cried and I shouted, telling him he was disgusting. "Are you satisfied now? You managed to seduce another woman than your 'wife'! You disgust me! You played with me knowing that my feelings were real!!! How much you must have laugh!" I yelled at him.

But he shouted back. "I have never played with you! I really love you! I'm deeply in love you! If I wasn't, I wouldn't have told you the truth! As for my wife, I have never loved her, it was just an arranged marriage between our families! I can't divorce because of the contract."

Then he took his potion and changed.

I was horrified. All I could think of was that I was in love with a Dark Wizard and I hated myself because I knew I would never be able to leave him if he asked me to stay with him.

Which he did. On his knees. Can you picture it? The great and so feared Lucius Malfoy, on his knees, begging a Muggle-born like me not to leave him. He told me he loved me in a way he had never thought he could.

I loved him. I still love him. So I said yes. But I made one selfish request, that he would never show to his other 'family' the love he showed to me. I also asked that when he was with me he would keep his appearance of James.

He told me about the potion not allowing him to have children. I was sad but I resigned myself to that fact. So when I discovered I was pregnant with you, I could not believe it at first. When it was confirmed, I cried. I cried for hours, thanking the gods for the gift they had sent to me. When your father came home, my eyes were still red from my crying. He panicked and asked me if something was wrong. I just smiled and told him about you.

You should have seen his reaction. He was speechless for a moment and then he sank on his knees and hugged me, his head resting on my belly, crying as I had done earlier.

Don't see yourself as lower than you are. You are not the illegitimate son of Lucius Malfoy. You are the son of James and Lily Potter. You are the result of our love. Nothing else.

Aww… your little self is calling me now. Your big, big eyes are looking at me with curiosity. Every time I see you I melt. My little baby boy, my son, the second light of my life.

I really hope this letter will help you to accept your current situation.

What ever happens, your father and I will always love you.

Goodbye my sweet,

                                               Love, your mother.

By the end of the letter, Harry was in tears, almost drowning in it. He could feel so much love in the letter. So much caring. So much of his mother.

He put the letter carefully back in the envelope and pressed it tightly against his chest.

/Thank you, mum. You always knew what to tell to comfort me/ he thought.

He sat on the sofa and looked at the fire, his mind wandering. An hour or so later, he heard a knock on the door. "Come in."

The door opened and Lucius entered the room. Harry looked at him for a moment. Lucius looked afraid; Lucius Malfoy, afraid! But then Harry said, "It's okay now, dad."

Lucius' eyes widened in surprise. He came towards his son, sat next to him, and hugged him fiercely. They stayed in the embrace for a long time before they broke apart, eyes red from crying. Harry's father then spoke,

"Now, I'll show you your rooms, and give you a little tour. You are at Malfoy Manor now, your new home. I will also introduce you to your new life."

They heard a knock at the door.

"Yes?" asked Lucius. The door opened and revealed Severus.

"The rooms are ready, sir."

"Thank you." Lucius answered. He then turned towards Harry. "I'll go first to check that everything is in order. Stay here," he said to both Harry and Severus, and went out of the room.

After his father disappeared, Harry asked Severus, "Well… are you still going to teach me private lessons, Sev?"

"I don't know, it will depend on your father." Severus' eyes were fixed on the floor.

"Why?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Because I'm not really a teacher; I'm your personal bodyguard, Master Harry" Severus answered, his eyes now looking straight into Harry's.