" " : talking

/… / : thinking


Chapter 5: Complications

Harry and Severus were still trying to catch their breath. Both of them were amazed by what had just happened. They opened their eyes at the same time. Severus drowned in the emerald green orbs blazing with passion in front of him, and Harry felt pulled into the dark onyx eyes of his bodyguard.

"Severus…"

"Harry…"

Neither of them finished their sentences as they heard a knock on the door. Severus detached himself from Harry in a rush, creating a large gap between them. Another knock was heard and Harry finally responded in a rather clear voice, "Yes?"

"Harry, sweet, it's me." Harry's father answered.

"Come in!"

The door opened slowly and Lucius appeared in the doorway. Severus took the opportunity to leave them alone after bowing his head to both of them.

Harry wanted him to stay but could not say  a word in front of his father. As the door closed, Lucius sat on the bed next to Harry; "Are you okay?" he asked in a low voice.

"Yes, yes…", Harry whispered, his cheeks still flushed from his first kiss.

"Are you sure? You seem a little red, do you have a fever?" his father asked, worried. He put his hand on Harry's forehead.

"No, I swear I'm okay dad, don't worry."

"Okay then. I just wanted to make sure that you were alright, at least, as alright as one can be on such a day. And I wanted to… I needed to hug you. Do you mind?" Lucius asked in a small, unmalfoy-like voice.

"Yes, yes of course!" and Harry threw his arms around his father's neck. Lucius just rested his head on Harry's shoulder, saying nothing. Then Harry heard soft sobs coming from him; he felt his body shake and the embrace of his father tightened.

"Please, my little one, forgive me. Forgive me for not telling you the truth, forgive me for not being able to save your mother, forgive me for not being able to show my real feelings in public," Lucius whispered, his voice breaking.

"You have nothing to apologize for! I understand!" Harry answered truthfully.

"Now your mother is gone, you are my only reason to live. If you had died with her, I would not have been able to survive. Thank you for being here… I know things will be difficult but I'll do everything to make you happy," Lucius murmured.

They stayed in the embrace a long time before pulling away. They both had red eyes, but looked more peaceful than before. Then, Lucius suddenly asked, "Why was Severus here with you?"

Harry tried to stop his blushing and answered as calmly as possible, "I felt depressed so… he was comforting me."

"Ah, it's very kind of him, he is a really good person, isn't he? He'll be a very attentive and careful bodyguard for you." Lucius said. /He owes me that after all/ he thought.

After a little moment of silence, Harry asked in a whisper, "How did you meet him?"

"Well, you had been born a few weeks before; for me life was wonderful. I was in Diagon Alley, doing some shopping for your mother when a young boy tried to steal my wallet. I managed to stop him before he fled.

"He was a pathetic little boy, dirty and skinny, but I could feel his magic; he had a great potential in him.

"I made a deal with him; I promised not to give him to the authorities if he followed me to the Manor. He accepted, quite reluctantly.

"There, I ordered the house elves to make him take a bath and change his clothes.

"As he was doing so, I asked myself why I was doing this. It was because of you. You had created something new in my heart. When I saw him, it was you I saw, a possible version of you with black eyes, showing me what you could have been if life had been different.

"When we finally reached my workroom, I saw a little boy with pale skin and intelligent eyes that shone with fear. He told me later that he was afraid I would use him as a slave.

"I asked him to sit and I summoned a house elf, asking it to bring some food.

"When everything arrived, I questioned the young boy about his life; I knew he could not lie because I put Veritaserum in his tea.

"So he told me everything, how his parents died in an accident when he was seven. At that moment he was just ten years old. He had gone in an orphanage but had runaway a year ago because he did not like the life there and he thought he would be able to care of himself.

"I made a deal with him. I would send him to school and he would work for me until he paid back all the money I spent on his education. He accepted immediately. From then on, he lived in the manor and he became friends with Draco.

"As I expected, he was a very intelligent and powerful wizard. He was first in his year group every year. After Hogwarts, he asked me to help him in becoming theapprentice of one of the best potions masters of that time. I agreed, of course.

"I also pushed him to learn martial arts and sword fighting. Maybe my subconscious had decided already what I wanted him to do for me. He then became my personal potion master.

"As he had grown older, we became, I don't know, friends you could say, but I saw him also as one of my relatives. A little as if he was my son, but totally different from Draco or you.

"When you told me you wanted private tuition in potions and DADA to improve your grades, I decided to tell him my secret and to ask him to become your bodyguard.

"Of course, he was surprised at first, but accepted without question."

Harry and Lucius remained silent for a moment and then Harry asked,

"Why… why are you so cold with Draco when you are so kind and overprotective with me? I mean, he is your son too, and compared to me, he deserves it more…"

"How many times will I have to tell you? You are the only son I really wanted to have. Draco is just my heir. You are my heart," Lucius answered forcefully.

"But because of that, he hates me. No, don't reply, let me finish. I mean, if I had been in his situation, I would have hated me as well, to discover that my father has another son that he loves with such a strength when he is so cold with me at the same time. It must be heart-shattering," Harry said softly.

Lucius looked into the deep green eyes of his adored son. "Alright, I'll make an effort towards Draco from now on. Happy?"

"Thank you dad."

**********

While Harry and Lucius were having their little conversation, Severus was in his room, pacing back and forth like a caged lion. He finally stopped and sat on his bed, elbows on his knees and face in his hands.

/What have I done? How did it happen?/ his mind was screaming.

/He is so beautiful, so breathtakingly beautiful… His eyes, his lips… his skin, so soft under my fingers… He is so innocent, so vulnerable…/

The memory of the kiss they had shared came back, full force. He could still feel Harry's soft lips on his own, so light, so shy, not knowing what to do.

Severus had completely drowned in Harry's innocence.

"So vulnerable…" He whispered to himself. And then, his eyes shot wide open, / Oh my God! I…  I took advantage of him! He was just lost because of the funeral, he was only looking for comfort and I… I…!/

But he was the one who initiated the kiss, his inner voice said. 

/It was just because of the circumstances! He felt alone and he wanted tenderness. He was not in his right mind! And I, and I …!/

Severus went on and on in that way the rest of the night.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Harry woke up the next morning, he was alone in his bed. He and his father had talked until late in the night and had fallen asleep in each other's arms.

After putting his glasses in place, he found a letter from his father telling him that he had had to leave for work very early. He also explained to Harry that he had put the strongest wards that existed in the wizarding world on the main door and the windows of Harry's rooms. From that moment, Harry was the only one able to enter his rooms but he could invite his friends in, and even key the wards to them to allow them to enter without him having to cast the spell allowing it each time. He just had to put their hand on the door knob, and then his own on theirs, and say the formula, "From now on, you are always welcome here."

After reading the letter, Harry went into his private bathroom. He had thought at first that the door near his bed was a closet, but discovered a magnificent bathroom made in white and gold marble, with an enormous bathtub and a separate shower on one side, and a toilet on the other side.

He took a quick shower and tried, like every morning, to tame his hair. He then put his uniform on. When he opened the door, Severus was waiting for him, leaning against the wall in front of Harry's rooms. His face was neutral.

Harry blushed remembering their kiss. "Hello," he said shyly.

"Good morning, Master Harry," Severus replied bowing his head. Harry looked shocked.

"Severus?"

"Yes, Master Harry?"

 "Why are you calling me that again?"

"Because I have to, sir."

"But what about yesterday?" Harry asked, his lips trembling.

"Yesterday was a mistake. I shouldn't have done that. You were vulnerable and not thinking about what you were doing," Severus answered in a low voice. 

"No! That's not true! I…"

"And nothing can happen between us. I'm your bodyguard, that's all."

Harry wanted to say something but nothing would come out. He just looked hurt, with eyes full of unshed tears. Then he turned his head and went towards the dinning room silently.

When they reached the room, Harry had managed to regain control over himself. He greeted Narcissa and Draco, who were already taking their breakfast. Neither of them bothered to greet him back but Harry did not care. He understood their resentment towards him, but wanted to remain polite.

Severus did not sit but stood by Harry's seat, saying nothing.

*********

The days went by without much change in Severus' behaviour; he acted the devoted bodyguard he was supposed to be, but he never talked to Harry the same way he did before.

School was more or less fine. When Harry had returned the day next after the funeral, he had caused a sensation by arriving at Hogwarts in the private carriage of the Malfoys, instead of taking the magical school bus that picked up the students all over Great Britain.

Then he had received countless remarks of sympathy from his housemates, and pupils from other houses, except for the Slytherins. They were thinking about the behaviour they should adopt towards the new 'Malfoy'.

Life was grey for Harry; he had his friends, but Severus' rejection had hurt him, and the coldness he felt in the manor was depressing him. His father was still there, of course, but because of his work, he was more and more busy.

A few days after he returned to school, rumours started to flow. Rumours about him being the bastard son of Malfoy (which was true in a way) but said in such a way that his mother appeared like a... like a....

He could hear them whispering behind his back. "Is it true? Is he the bastard of Malfoy? But he doesn't look like him!" and "Maybe his 'father' makes him wear a glamour charm so as to avoid raising suspicion."

"Who would have thought that of Lily Evans?" and "Being the whore of a Malfoy must have its advantages…"

Blaise Zabini, Harry's worst enemy at school since his first year, actually asked him in front of everybody, "Is it true Potter? Oops, I mean 'Malfoy'. Your mother was a slut who gave herself to Lucius? Your father was that bad in bed?"

Harry's friends were outraged and furious. They started to shout at Zabini. Harry did not react; finally he just said in a deadly whisper, "Take it back."

"Or what? You'll tell your 'father'?" Zabini sniggered.

"No. I'll kill you," and with that he tackled down the boy and began to punch him and kick him, hard.

By the time teachers arrived, Zabini was a mess of flesh and blood. Harry was completely out of control. Professor McGonagall managed to separate him from his prey, but could not stop him shouting,

"Don't you dare say that again you fucking shit! And that goes for all of you, do you hear me?! If I ever hear something like that again about my mother, I swear you'll regret it! Hell will look like Heaven compared to what I'll do to you!" With that, Harry broke down into

hysterical sobbing. During all his shouting, the walls and the floor were trembling as if there was an earthquake, and some windows literally exploded.

Harry was led to the Headmaster's office still crying. When he arrived in the room, Dumbledore welcomed him. He gave him a chair and some tissues to clean his tear-stained face. A few minutes later, Severus arrived. Harry looked at him and then lowered his eyes to the floor.

"So, what happened?" the Headmaster asked softly.

"It's Zabini… he said some awful things about my mother, that she had, she had… I can't even say it! It was so disgusting! He was insulting her! And so I got mad, I couldn't stop myself… I was so angry…."

As he stopped speaking, he raised his eyes and saw that Severus was fuming. Dumbledore's eyes were not twinkling as usual as he finally replied,

"His words were unacceptable, it's true, but you shouldn't have lost control like that. When Mister Zabini comes out of the hospital wing he will be given detention for a month and already fifty points have been taken from his house. But you'll have detention, too, though only for one week, is that understood?"

"Yes sir," Harry murmured.

"Good. Now I think it will be better for you to go back to your classes."

Harry nodded and got out of the office. Severus exploded as soon as the door shut.

"It is intolerable! One month of detention?! You should have given him a year! Wait until Mister Malfoy hears about this! He will ask for his head!"

"I know, I know… would you please tell him what happened? And that I'll be here if he wants to talk to me?"

"Of course, Headmaster," Severus said somewhat calmer again.

"Thank you. So, how is it to work for so young a master?" Dumbledore suddenly asked.

"It's nothing much, really. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll prepare for Harry's return," and then he exited, his robes billowing behind him.

"Harry, hm? Interesting," Dumbledore whispered, his eyes twinkling again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In the carriage that took them back home, Harry said nothing and Severus did not dare saying anything to his young master. He had to restrain himself from wrapping his arms tightly around the younger boy.

Since the kiss, Severus had thought a lot about his feelings towards the green eyed boy and had arrived at the realization that he was in love with him. Since when, he could not tell; it was just a fact.

He was in love; deeply, madly in love with a sixteen year old teenager. Because of that he was drowning in self loathing.

Every time Harry was not looking, Severus looked at him as if he was some work of art, which he definitely was, slim hips, long legs, smooth tanned skin, ebony-black shoulder length hair, slightly pink cheeks, full lips, begging to be ravished, and big emerald eyes. He was now five feet and four inches tall, and reached Severus' shoulders.

But Severus would never allow himself to confess his feelings to the young wizard; he thought he was not worth the love of such an innocent person. Working for Lucius was not always a pleasant thing to do.

 He had done things he would never be able to forgive himself for. Moreover, Harry was the son of Lucius, and Severus did not dare to imagine the reaction of his master if he ever discovered the truth about his feelings for Harry, even if, thinking about it, he was sure Lucius' reaction would be the same towards any male or female who would dare try to 'steal' Harry's love away from him.

So, he acted as if he felt nothing peculiar for his young master.

********

After diner, Harry went to his favourite place in the manor, after his own rooms. It was a huge room in the south tower, from where the stars looked near enough to be touched. The windows were huge and the balcony was very large. Harry loved to sit down, lean against one of the closed French windows and look at the sky full of stars.

He knew it was silly, but he had the impression that this way, his mother was able to see him; he could feel her presence around him.

This night however, he felt a little cold and his eyes were full of tears. "Mum… I miss you so much…" Harry whispered to the wind.

He almost had a heart attack when he heard a voice asking, "What are you doing here?"

Harry turned his head towards the intruder and found himself looking straight into Draco's eyes. He quickly wiped away his tears and stood up. "I'm sorry, I like this place so I came  here to think and look at the stars."

There was an uneasy silence and Harry was about to go back to his rooms when Draco stopped him. "I saw that you seemed under the weather tonight, is there something wrong?" he asked quietly.

Harry could not believe his ears; Draco had asked him if he was alright! And his eyes… They were not cold and shut as usual. They were different, as if he cared, but that was impossible, wasn't it?

"I, I had a difficult day today…" Harry heard himself reply. "There was this boy who said horrible things about my mum…" Harry then realized what he had just said, and looked at the floor.

"Harry, look at me," Draco said.

Harry raised his eyes and Draco continued,

"You don't have to be ashamed or feel uncomfortable around me. I'm a grown-up now, or at least I'm almost one!" he said jokingly. "It's true, the first time I saw you, I hated you. You appeared from nowhere and father was there treating you in a way he had never done with me. His face shone with love for you and I was jealous. I wanted you to disappear and give me back the love I deserved.

"And then, I thought about everything. Him, you, your mother… and I began to understand. It wasn't really your fault if father didn't love me. For him, you are the symbol of his love for your mother. Don't look surprised, I'm not blind; I know father never loved my mother and that I was born only because he needed anheir.

"Moreover, there is Severus. He seems to like you very much, and it upset me because he was the first person to show concern and caring for me besides mother.

"Anyway, if you want it, I would like to be your friend from now and maybe it will move to something more later, what do you think?"

Harry was speechless. He had always wanted a brother and there was Draco proposing that they become friends and maybe that he could become the brother he had  always dreamt of having.

His eyes filled with tears again; he slowly held out his hand, repeating the gesture he made the first time they had met.

Draco smiled and took it. They shook hands slowly, smiling and looking into each other's eyes.

That night, Draco and Harry Malfoy were not friends yet, but had made the first move towards it.