"
" : talking
/… / : thinking
Chapter 6: Acceptance
Once upon a time, there lived a little boy named Draco.
He was no ordinary little boy. Oh no, not at all. His entire name was Draco Alexander Louis Armand Malfoy, as in the very powerful and feared Malfoy family. Moreover, he was the sole heir of said family.
So, as a consequence, he was treated like a little prince. He had all the things little boys generally dream about, lots of toys, clothes, animals and people whoobeyed his every wish.
However, there was one thing that he didn't have. That thing was the most important of all, and Draco longed to have it, the love of his father.
He had known since he was five that his father did not love him. Ah, he did not hate him, it was just that he had no feelings for Draco and it hurt the little boy deeply.
His mother loved him and worshipped him as if he was a god. But it was not enough. He wanted his daddy to see him, be proud of him and love him.
In fact, Draco vaguely remembered times when his father used to spend some time with him, playing a little or just staying with him as he was working. But everything changed little by little between his fourth and fifth birthday.
His father came back home later and later and stayed fewer and fewer nights at home. Soon, there were whole weeks when Draco did not see him at all.
And then, after the 31st of July, 1981, his father completely stopped living at home. He only came to do work and for the receptions.
Draco remembered this day very well. It was the last time his father had played with him. They were in the living room; Draco was on his little broomstick, proud to be able to control it well, when an owl went through the window, landed on his father's lap and delivered him a small piece of paper.
After reading it, his father stood up abruptly, his face reflecting a mix of feelings, stress, fear and happiness. He exited the room without a single look towards Draco and it was one of the servants who made him get down from his broomstick.
He came back two weeks later with a young boy who was older than Draco. He presented him as a new friend for Draco. He was ecstatic, he had a friend and it was his father who had found him for him! He was certain that after that their bond would grow stronger, but he was wrong. After that day, his father would barely talk to him or even acknowledge him. He seemed to remember him only during the receptions where he presented him as his heir.
From then on, Draco began to hate being mentioned as the sole heir of the Malfoy family. He felt like an exhibited animal whose utility was just to be an heir and not a simple boy with thoughts and feelings.
He became friend with the young boy that now lived with them. It had been difficult at the
beginning but he had finally made it.
First it was friendship, and then something that looked like brotherhood. It was the first time that someone other than his mother had cared about him.
But as he grew up, Draco's feelings changed. He had discovered he preferred the company of other men when he was sixteen, and when he saw Severus the following summer it was with new eyes.
Clearly it was a crush; he thought that every thing in Severus was beautiful and incredible, his pitch black hair that looked so soft, his ebony eyes that could show all his emotions when he allowed himself to let go. His long hands, graceful like those of an artist, his slim body slightly muscled (they liked to swim together from time to time so he had been able to see it) and his pale skin made him look like some Greek work of art.
But Severus himself did not know about this and Draco never summoned up the courage to tell him. He was afraid that if he did, Severus would reject him and their friendship would never be the same. He liked Severus so much that he did not want to put his relationship with him at risk.
So, he had lovers, after all he was a hormonal teenager, but he confided all his feelings to
Severus and asked him for advice. Thanks to that, he discovered that Severus, too, was of male persuasion, and that he had lovers, but they usually did not last long.
When Draco was seventeen, Severus began to live outside the manor; he had finished his apprenticeship and was working for Lucius full-time. Draco asked him once what his job was. Severus did not answer and looked at him in such a way that he changed the subject quickly and never asked again.
Of course Draco knew about his father's activities, the legal and the illegal ones, drugs, dark arts items and bribery. Everything would be left to him later and he would work with his father when he was ready.
After graduating, he had gone on a trip all around the world, magical and Muggle. It had been an order from his father, one of the rare times when he spoke to him, which were always to order him to do something. Even if it was pathetic, at least that was what he thought, he liked those rare moments when he could see his father and talk to him, or to say it correctly, listen to and obey him. It made him believe that his father cared about him. And in a way, he did; he wanted Draco to be a true Malfoy, but that was all.
It had been an interesting trip; he had discovered that Muggles were not useless beings. In fact, he had managed to make some friends because they did not know what his name represented.
When he came back, he began to study at one of the most prestigious universities in England, but he did not know if it was because of his grades or the influence of his father.
He met Severus from time to time. His attraction was still there and it made him suffer, but not too much. He was determined to tell him one day, when he was sure he really was in love with him.
Life was calm, as calm as possible for the Malfoy family, until the day when HE entered the manor.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It was around midnight. Draco was reading quietly on the couch in front of the fireplace in the library when he heard some noises outside.
Intrigued, he went out in the corridor and as he was turning a corner, he saw his father coming straight to him holding something in his arms. Draco was in shock because his father was clearly devastated; it was the first time he had seen his father display any feelings other than coldness. Severus was right behind him and looked upset, too.
As his father walked past him as if he were not there, Draco saw what was in his arms, it was a boy, a teenager that seemed to have a wound on the forehead. It was all he managed to see before his father and Severus disappeared around another corner. The warning look Severus had sent him prevented him from following them.
He went to his own room, wondering about what had happened to shake his father and Severus that much.
/Who is that boy?/ was the question that obsessed him.
Draco saw his father again two nights later when his mother and he were going to dinner.
They were quietly waiting for Lucius, knowing that he was in the manor. He arrived but he was not alone. The boy he had been carrying the other night was standing in front of him and Severus was behind them.
Two things shocked Draco, first, the boy himself. He was gorgeous. Unruly hair that looked so soft, fastened in a ponytail, lightly tanned skin that shone in the candlelight, a slim form not hidden by his clothes. He was not very tall but it added to his charm. The most striking thing was his eyes, he had incredible jade green eyes, which at the moment were clouded by uneasiness.
The next thing he noticed was the fact that his father had his hands on the teenager's shoulders in a protective way. He looked briefly at his son and wife but quickly returned his eyes to the young wizard.
The teenager was looking around in awe until his gaze met those of Narcissa and Draco himself. He seemed to recognize Draco, which surprised him, as it was the first time he had seen the other boy.
Then, Lucius presented him as Harry Potter and said he was going to live with them from now on. Draco saw the young boy extend his hand and make a gesture of politeness but he could not take the hand that was offered to him. He really did not know why, maybe he was still under the shock of his father's attitude towards him, or maybe it was the look of Severus that he had caught when the young boy had been presented that was disturbing him.
Lucius growled and then Draco learnt who the young boy was exactly.
His brother, or at least his half brother. It meant that his father had been with another woman, which did not surprise Draco, but knowing that he had a brother that his father obviously loved as if he was the most perfect thing in the world, crushed him completely.
/Now I know where his love went for all those years. It's evident he loves him in an incredible way. The way I wanted him to love me. This bastard stole what should have been mine! Even Severus! It is evident to someone like me who knows him like no one else that his feelings for this brat are not the same he has for me; it's so unfair! I'm the heir! I should be the one receiving all the attention and love, not some skinny, pitiful bastard! I hate him, hate him, hate him!/
For at least two weeks, those thoughts were the only one that came to his mind every time he saw Harry. But one day, he saw him crying in the gardens, all alone. He saw Severus approach him, and was amazed when Harry dried his eyes quickly before Severus reached him and he acted as if everything was fine.
That little scene made Draco think. Think about what Harry could be going through. Surprisingly enough for Draco, Harry was always polite and discreet. He also seemed embarrassed every time their father showed his blatant preference for him.
So, he began to think about love, about caring, about… everything. He had always known that his parents were not in love when they had married, so it was not surprising that his father had a lover. If he really loved her, wouldn't it be normal for him to adore the child of this woman? Wouldn't he represent their love in flesh?
Thinking harder and harder, Draco understood. If he was to love someone one day, really love that person, he knew he would just adore the child they would have together, because it would be the result of their love.
About Severus… It was the first time he had seen that look on his face. Something unreadable but so deep, so… intense. Draco knew he could never win his feelings like that. He preferred keeping his friendship instead of losing it because of love.
Strange, wasn't it?
One night, he saw that Harry was upset. His father saw it too and tried to make him speak about it, but Harry kept saying it was nothing. When he went out, Draco followed him from a distance. He finally confronted him and decided to give their 'relationship' a new beginning.
He had finally accepted entering a new world.
*******
And so, they became friends.
Of course, it did not happen in one night. It took a little time; the day after their discussion, Harry arrived in the dining room rather unsure,
/What if it was all a dream?/ Harry thought.
Nevertheless, he greeted Draco and Narcissa as usual and was overwhelmed by joy when Draco returned his greeting with a warm smile. "Good morning, Harry. Sweet dreams?"
Harry nodded, his cheeks lightly pink.
Lucius, who had hugged his beloved son at his entrance in the room, could not believe his ears and eyes. His mouth hung open for a full minute making Harry chuckle.
Finally regaining control, Lucius took his seat and they began to eat their breakfast.
The second shock of the morning happened ten minutes later when Lucius, after offering some muffins to Harry, asked in a soft voice, " Do you want some too Draco?" Draco mirrored the expression Lucius showed not so long ago. Lucius sighed a little impatiently, making Draco stutter,
"Y-y-yes Father. Thank you." and slightly blushing, he picked up a muffin from the plate his father was holding. At the same time he was screaming, /I'm twenty-one, for God's sake! Not five! Why am I blushing? Why, why?! And the stuttering? Oh, my God, I'm so stupid!/
Harry was trying hard not to laugh too loud, and so was almost choking on his muffin. However, he could not stop his giggle and both Draco and Lucius looked at him, their right eyebrows arched elegantly in a matching movement.
/Where is my camera when I need it?/ Harry thought hiding his face behind the curtain of his hair.
Narcissa was the only one who showed no emotion. Not that she had none; she was just hiding it. In fact, she was disgusted with Harry's behaviour and was fuming towards Draco, considering his actions as a betrayal.
~*~*~*~*~*~*
Draco and Harry began to meet every night at the same place they started their new relationship.
At first, there was awkward silence between them, not knowing what to talk about, so they began with the universal subject for boys and men, Quidditch. They talked about their favourite teams which provoked some heated arguments. Then they spoke about their lives,
what had happened that day.
They were strangers for each other but they slowly opened their hearts, creating a bond they had always wished for, something like brotherhood.
One night, Draco asked Harry to tell him things about his mother, what she looked like, how she acted. Harry was first reluctant but Draco managed to convince him he really wanted to know.
Harry decided to make a new step there, he invited Draco in his bedroom and showed him the pictures he had.
Draco too felt the new step they had made and was very… well, touched.
After that, Harry felt more daring and finally asked the question he wanted to ask for a long time now,
"How did you meet Severus?"
"You mean Yus?"
"Excuse me, who?"
"You asked me how I met Yus didn't you?"
Harry began to giggle. "You call Severus 'Yus'? Where does that come from?"
"Well…"
~*~*~*Flashback~*~*~*
A five-year-old Draco was playing with his construction set, a magical one, of course, which could change colours and forms, in the huge playroom stuffed with lots and lots of toys. The door opened and a ten-year-old Severus Snape entered with Lucius.
Draco leapt on his feet, his father was here! Surely it meant that he was going to play with him? But instead of that, Lucius introduced the young boy, and told his son to be nice with him, before leaving again.
Draco was very disappointed but still happy that his father had brought him a new friend. Not being the shy one, he asked the boy to repeat his name, as he had not got it well.
"My name is Severus Snape," the little boy said his eyes fixed on the floor.
"Seveyus?" Draco repeated.
"No. Se-Ve-Rus"
"Sevyus"
"Rus."
"Yus."
"Rus!"
"Yus!"
"I said 'RUS!'"
"That's what I'm saying! 'Yus!'"
"Fine! I give up. Just call me that." Severus grunted. But his bad mood disappeared quickly when little Draco proposed that they play together.
~*~*~* End Flashback~*~*~*
At the end of the [memory], Harry was laughing madly and Draco was smirking.
"I-I c-can't believe it! Yus! Yus! Ahahahahahahahahah!!!"
After that, they acted more and more comfortably towards one another.
****
One day, Draco heard a discussion between his father and his… friend?... that shocked him,
"Dad, really, couldn't you be nicer with Draco? He's doing all he can to please you and you never say anything to praise him," Harry said his voice angry.
"He doesn't need that. And I'm making an effort to treat him well." Lucius replied calmly.
"Greeting him in the morning and the evening and asking him if he wants more to eat during meals is not exactly what one would call 'making an effort to treat him well'. This is normal behaviour for any human being, dad! And I would like you to stop being so nice with me when you act like that with him. Please, Draco really is a good person. And even if he doesn't say it, I know he's still jealous of the way you act with me. I don't want him to be angry with me, and don't say you'll not allow him to be angry with me; he has every right to be. So?"
"Okay, okay. I'll be nicer from now, I promise you." Lucius answered defeated.
"You are the best dad!" Harry said jumping into his father's arms.
"You're welcome sweet pea," his father murmured.
"Dad!" Harry said indignantly.
It was the last thing Draco heard before retreating to his rooms. Should he be angry or thankful? He did not know. He did not want Harry's pity, but he realized that it was not pity, rather concern and caring, and it made his heart melt.
***
One evening, Harry went to their little meeting only to find that Draco was not there. He waited for him but he did not show up.
Worried, he waited for the next morning to speak to him at breakfast, but he did not show up then, either. By the evening, seeing that he was not at dinner, he began to be afraid that something had happened and no one had told him.
Anyway, he went to their meeting place and there he saw him sitting on the floor of the balcony, knees under his chin and eyes closed.
"Draco?" he asked softly.
No answer.
"Draco?" he repeated, and waited. He sat next to him and stared at the sky.
Finally, Draco moved and his head landed on Harry's shoulder.
"It's mother," he murmured.
Harry said nothing.
"She's… upset by what's happening between us. She said I was betraying her. That she didn't deserve to be treated like that. That she was the only one to truly love me and care about me. It made me angry and we began to yell. I told her that I was not betraying her, that you really cared for me, as well as Severus. Deep inside, though, I have the feeling that I'm betraying her, too. You know, she really loves me. She always has. She could have rejected me. After
all, she had done her job by producing an heir of the Malfoy family, but she never left me."
"Do you want to stop seeing me? I will understand you know. And I think that you should do everything to keep your mother's love. It's okay. I'll be here for you anyway," Harry answered truthfully, and with sadness.
"Will you?" Draco asked in a soft voice.
"Of course I will," and then, Harry found himself hugged tightly into the arms of his friend.
"Thank you, Sweetie," Draco said, his voice low and thick with emotion.
Harry could not believe it. Draco had called him the name his mother used to! All he could say was, "You're welcome, brother of mine."
They hugged for quite a long time. When they detached from one another, their eyes were a little red. They smiled to each other and Harry said, "Do you know you've used the pet name my mother used to call me."
"Really? Did it upset you?" Draco asked worried.
"No, no! I loved it! I wouldn't mind if you continue to do so, when you feel like it."
"Okay then, you are my sweet little bro from now on."
"And you are my incredible big bro!" They both chuckled and made their way inside.
***
The relationship between Draco and his mother eventually smoothed a little. She finally accepted his friendship with Harry and the two of them acted more and more like brothers, arguing over stupid things, talking for hours about nothing; they even started playing Quidditch together. Draco was really amazed by his brother's skills.
Days and weeks passed and it was already Christmas. The first Christmas Harry would spend without his mother and in his new family.
His relationship with Severus was still neutral, bordering on cold, but he kept up hope that he would manage to make him change his mind.
Christmas Eve was spent with family; Harry met Narcissa's parents and the other members of the Malfoy family. He felt nervous during the whole party, even though Draco was doing his best to make him feel at ease, because his father, having to keep his cold mask for the family, could not do it himself. Sirius was there, too, being his godfather, and he also did his best to make the party an enjoyable one for Harry.
On Christmas day, he received a lot of presents, but those that counted the most for him were of course the ones from his father, Draco, Sirius and Severus; at least he hoped Severus would offer him something that year, too.
He was not disappointed. Sirius gave him a book entitled, 'Pranks, The Best Way To Become The Greatest Prankster in the Universe'. Draco gave him a book on Quidditch that traced the history of the most famous players and the most famous manoeuvres, accompanied by extracts of all the games that had been played from the invention of Quidditch. Moreover, it would update itself after every new game.
His father gave him a piece of jewellery, it was a magical gold pendant. Inside was a picture of himself with his mother and his father James. He was the only one able to open it and every time he did, he could hear the song his mother loved the most, 'Come What May'. He cried
the first time he opened it and hugged his father with all his strength.
But Severus did not give anything, or at least that was what he thought. When he returned to his room, however, he found a package on his bed. There was no note but he was sure of who had put it there. It was a bracelet made of silver with emeralds set in it that formed a lightening bolt. Harry was amazed by its quality and delicacy. He immediately put it on his right wrist and felt a warm feeling wrap his whole body. It meant that the bracelet was under a spell and he decided to discover what it was.
Harry had offered a very well decorated hand mirror to Narcissa. She had thanked him with a small nod. To his father, he had decided to give a copy of the letter his mother had sent him the day after her death. When Lucius read it, he was in tears, too, and he had pulled his son into a tight hug that crushed the air out of his lungs.
Draco had received a very rare book on magic, 'Dark Arts and White Magic, Do They Really Exist?' He had smiled when he opened it because it reminded him of one of their most heated arguments about magic, him being sure that white magic could never be as powerful as dark magic.
The gift he wanted to give to Severus was a very special one. And he wanted to give it to him himself; he hoped it would help him to make things better between them.
He went out of his room and knocked on Severus' door. He felt very nervous. He heard a faint 'Come in' and, holding all the courage he could sum up, he opened the door slowly.
It was the first time he had entered Severus' rooms. They were the same size as his, but the decorations were different, it was all green and silver. There were books everywhere and a cauldron was hanging in the fireplace. There were also a lot of shelves full of bottles containing various liquids and other things.
The bed was near the fireplace, and Severus was currently sitting in a comfortable looking armchair near the windows, and seemed to be deep in thought. When Harry walked in, Severus looked up, and seeing him, stood up rather abruptly.
"Master Harry," He said in calm voice.
"Hey, Severus. Merry Christmas! I was worried when you didn't show up this morning. And I wanted to thank you and give you your present," Harry said softly.
"You did not have to do that, Master Harry," Severus replied.
"Please, just for now don't call me that. And I really wanted to give you my present."
Severus said nothing and unwrapped his gift slowly. It was a picture frame. For a moment, he said nothing and Harry felt more and more nervous. He finally said, "If you don't like it, I understand, I…."
Before he could finish, he was enveloped in a fierce hug. Surprised, he hugged back anyway and put his head on Severus' shoulder. "So you like it?" he murmured.
"Yes, of course! How did you…?" Severus asked, his voice low and tight.
"Well, after dad told me how you met, I thought you would like to have a picture of your parents. It seemed to be the most appropriate gift to offer you." They disengaged themselves from their hug and Harry continued his explanation.
"So I went to the ministry and spent hours in the archives section, hoping to find something. And so, ta-daa!" Harry finished in a cheerful voice.
Severus looked at the picture again. The frame was made of silver; it was a heavy one with fine arabesque details on it. The picture itself represented a young couple in their thirties standing in a sunny garden with a little boy between them. They were all smiling happily and waving at the camera.
"Thank you, Harry. I really, really want to thank you. It's the best gift I've ever received." Severus' eyes were shinning with unshed tears.
"It's nothing, I would do anything to make you happy," Harry answered shyly.
Unconsciously, their bodies got closer. Then their lips, acting by themselves, got nearer and nearer until they were almost touching. Their eyes began to close and… someone knocked at the door.
Severus' eyes opened in a flash and he took several steps back. Harry did not dare to look in his eyes and looked at the floor instead. Severus cleared his throat and said "Come in".
Draco appeared in the doorframe. He looked at Severus then at Harry and finally asked, "Would you like me to come back later?"
"No, no, it's okay. I was leaving anyway." And with that, Harry went back to his room.
After a moment of silence, Draco asked, "Why didn't you stop him?"
"It's none of your business, Draco," Severus replied dryly.
"But you love him you stupid git! And he loves you, so why do you reject him?"
"Don't utter such stupidity, he does not love me. It's just some weird infatuation."
" You do realize that you haven't denied the fact that you love him?" Draco met only silence.
"Aahhh," he sighed. "I really don't understand you. Anyway, I came to give you your Christmas present." He put the gift on the edge of the bed and made his way to the door. Before leaving, he said, "Be careful Severus, by wanting to protect him you may lose your
true love." Then he closed the door.
Severus just stood where he was, his fingers lightly touching the picture that was still in his hands.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
On New Year's Eve, the Malfoys had another party but this time they invited all their acquaintances. Harry had even been allowed to invite his friends.
Everything went quite well, even though some of the guests looked at Harry in a strange way from time to time. He did not notice it, though.
As he was on his way from the bathroom, he heard the voice of his father in one of the other rooms and he seemed to be talking to someone.
"Isn't he a bother? I mean, you hardly knew his mother at all," a voice said disdainfully.
"Well, you know, I had to take him in because of the contract. I wish she had never helped me, the little Mudblood," his father answered coldly.
He continued, "But she saved my life once and so I owed her. It would have been better for everyone if he had disappeared with her, then I wouldn't be burdened with him," and there was a lot of laughter that follow the last statement.
Harry was in shock. He was crying and did not notice it. Deep inside he knew it was all an act to prevent the others from discovering the truth. He knew his father was doing bad things with bad people. It was one of the things they had argued about when Harry had learnt the truth of his family.
But it hurt. It hurt so much! It was as if someone had punched him hard and kicked him repeatedly until he couldn't breathe normally. He put his hand on his mouth to stifle his sobs and ran toward the old room where he used to meet Draco.
He closed the French window and let his sorrow overwhelm him. He cried and cried for what seemed like hours, sitting on the cold floor of the balcony, with his knees under his chin and his arms crossed around them. It began to snow, but he did not notice.
Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder; he turned his head and saw the worried face of his brother. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"
Harry couldn't answer, he just continued to cry softly.
Draco embraced him and rocked him back and force until Harry calmed down. Again, he asked what was wrong and Harry replied, "It's nothing."
"It doesn't look like nothing to me, sweetie. I'm just concerned, please tell me," Draco murmured.
"It's that, that I heard dad talking to some people in the library, and he said that, that I was just a burden and that he wished I had died with mum…"
"WHAT?! Harry, you know he would never say that to you. It was just an act. He loves you, he really does, sweetie."
"I know, I know that, but it hurt so much to hear him talk like that, so coldly and so evilly. I'm sorry, I know I reacted in a silly way."
"No, it wasn't silly, I understand. Now, come inside, you're freezing out here."
They went to the party and Harry managed to enjoy the last part of it. Maybe was it because of the drinks he had. He took them because they were sweet and so believed it was just orange juice but in fact he drank one or two Whisky Sodas and Malibu Oranges.
After all the guests went back to their own homes, Harry hugged and kissed his father and wished him a Happy New Year, without telling him about what he had heard earlier, and went to bed.
Draco had kept an eye on him after they'd returned to the party but Harry finally convinced him that he was okay.
In his room, Harry washed quickly and went straight to bed. He fell asleep but woke up an hour later because of a nightmare and he did not want to go back to sleep. Feeling still a little dizzy from the alcohol, although his brief slumber had helped him to digest most of it, he picked up his pillow and stood outside Severus' room.
He knocked lightly, fully expecting that no one would answer but then the door opened wide and revealed a rather undressed Severus. He was only wearing a bathrobe over his boxers and his t-shirt, and he looked surprised.
/Well, it's normal, after all, it must be near three in the morning and he must have been sleeping. I wonder, then, how he managed to hear the knock… Merlin, he looks so good in his boxers! And the t-shirt! Why doesn't he wear more of them? It clings to his body in such a way… Oh my…/ Lost in his thoughts, Harry said nothing until Severus asked slowly,
"Harry, what are you doing here? Is there something wrong?"
/Woohoo! He said my name! Maybe I should wake him in the middle of the night more often then/ and then he said out loud,
"I'm sorry to disturb you, Severus, but I wanted to know if I could sleep with you tonight."
"Excuse me?" Severus asked, stunned.
"May I sleep with you tonight? I won't take a lot of space! I even brought my pillow with me, see?" Harry said showing the said pillow.
/ Oh, my God, he only meant that he wanted to sleep near me. I'm such a pervert! I thought…/
"Severus?"
"Yes? Oh, yes. Yes, of course! Come in." And he let Harry enter his room.
They stayed on their feet looking at each other, Harry rather shyly, until Severus broke the silence and said,
"Go on, take the bed, I'll sleep on the floor."
"No, please, no! The bed is wide enough for both of us. Please," and to be more effective, he used his puppy-dog eyes. Severus could do nothing but surrender.
"All right."
They climbed together into the bed, leaving a wide gap between them. Harry closed his eyes and decided to try to sleep again, but he could only remember the nightmare he'd just had. Tears began to flow and he tried to quieten his sobs, putting his fist in his mouth.
However, Severus heard him. Worried, he got closer to the young man and asked,
"Are you okay?"
His only answer was a quiet sob. He put his hand on Harry's shoulder and made him turn over. What he saw crushed his heart. Harry was sobbing quietly but rather forcefully. Before he could stop himself, he embraced the boy tightly.
"Tell me what's wrong. Did you have a nightmare?" he asked in a low voice.
Harry nodded. Taking a shaky breathing he said, "I heard dad tonight; he was talking to some People, and he said that he would have been happier if I did not exist." Before Severus could say anything he continued.
"I know it's just an act but it hurt anyway. I already talked about it with Draco afterwards, but then I had this nightmare in which dad was saying to me directly that, that I was responsible for mum's death and that I should have died with her. That I should have died instead of her…"and he broke down into heart shattering sobs.
"Shhh, shhh… It was just a nightmare; your father would never think something like that. You know he would have gone mad if he had lost you too," Severus said in a soothing voice.
"But I feel so guilty! She died protecting me! If I hadn't been there, she would have survived!"
"What happened cannot be changed even if we want it fiercely. I'm sure she would not be happy to know that you feel guilty about her," Severus continued to soothe Harry, rubbing small circles on his back and murmuring comforting things in his ear.
Harry's sobs lessened more and more until they completely stopped. Severus thought he had cried himself into sleep when he felt a hand landing on his chest. He froze but said nothing.
The hand began to stroke him softly with light touches. He felt Harry's head come closer and before he could stop him, Harry's lips were on his. Shy, caressing, truly inexperienced lips. And, like the last time it had happened, Severus felt his control slip. He returned the kiss, pressing his lips eagerly to Harry's, then becoming more daring, he licked Harry's bottom lip, and nibbled it until the lips opened to let him in.
His tongue slid inside and began to stroke Harry's in the most sensuous way. The moans he provoked aroused him more and more. Little by little, he moved himself on top of the younger wizard and settled between his legs.
Suddenly, the lips moved away from his with a gasp; he opened his eyes and met the frightened ones of Harry. Realising what was happening, Severus tried to disengage himself, muttering "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," but was stopped in his tracks when he felt a hand on his neck. Looking back into Harry's eyes, he still saw fear but also desire in them.
"No, please, don't go. It's not that I don't want it, it's just that you surprised me. I didn't… I haven't…" he began to babble, embarrassed.
"I shouldn't have done that, I mean, you are drunk, which is more than understandable after what you have had," Severus said rather sternly.
"I'm not drunk! If I were, I would have just jumped you when you opened the door. The alcohol just helps me in expressing my true feelings for you.
I love you Severus. I really do. It's not a silly crush. I've been in love with you for almost a year now. Mum knew about it and she wanted me to tell you," Harry finished in a low voice, his eyes fixed on Severus'.
The latter did not respond verbally. Instead, he lowered his head and seemed to be determined to ravish Harry's mouth completely. Harry's eyes widened and then closed in happiness. He felt Severus remove his t-shirt; his own hands opening his pyjama top, then he slid out of his pyjama bottoms. The only clothes left were their boxers.
"We won't go all the way, because even if you say that you are not drunk, I want to make your first time something for you to remember forever. But if you allow me, I'll do every thing to show you how much… I love you," Severus whispered against Harry's ear.
Harry shivered. "Yes," was his quiet reply.
Severus' lips were on his again. He was stroking, licking, sucking lazily, as if he could not detach himself from them. His hands were roaming over Harry's body, asif he were mapping it. They finally reached their goal. They stopped on Harry's hard cock, caressing him over his boxers. Harry whimpered and bit his lip.
Severus' mouth migrated to his neck, and his hands went under his boxers. He helped Harry slide out of them. He was now completely naked and felt embarrassed when he saw Severus looking at him with lustful eyes. He closed his eyes but heard Severus urging him to open
them again.
"Don't close your eyes. I want to see what they look like when I make you reach ecstasy," he purred.
Harry moaned; he had the impression that he would never talk again. His skin was on fire, as were all his senses. He didn't want it to stop.
"Sev… Sev… please…" he begged.
"Yes my love?"
"Make me yours," he whispered.
"Not tonight. But I'll do it soon. Now, just enjoy. It's a foretaste of what it will be like, sweetheart." And then, Severus' mouth closed over his again.
He moved toward Harry's earlobe and played with it, loving the way his young lover sounded while he was doing that. Then he slid his lips down, to the junction of his neck and shoulder and sucked lightly, alternating with bites.
His hands were fisting his lover's manhood and fondling his balls. Harry was now moaning continuously. Severus' head went lower; he reached one erect nipple and nibbled on it creating new sighs and pleas from the sweet mouth of his 'master'. He gave the same treatment to its twin. He went lower again, tracing a path with his tongue. He licked Harry's navel and bit it lightly too.
Eventually, he was able to take a close look at his prize, with hungry eyes. He raised his face to make sure that Harry was looking at him and began to work on it.
First, a small lick, then a longer one. He suddenly neglected the glistening treat in front of him and attacked what was lower. He rolled them in his mouth and licked them thoughtfully. He went back to his prize and, wanting to keep up his teasing, he took the head between his hot and swollen lips. He sucked lightly on it and took more and more of his lover into his mouth. He found a rhythm that seemed to please Harry, not too quick and not too slow. But he could not stay at this pace for long and bobbed his head up and down more and more frantically.
Harry was moaning and whimpering more and more loudly. " Sev…" seemed to be the only word he could produce. His hands were clutching the sheets in a death grip.
When Severus finally hummed his pleasure, Harry came in an explosive way.
Severus took all of his lover's seed hungrily. He licked him clean, and asked in a seductive voice, "Do you want to taste yourself?"
Harry could do nothing but nod. It felt strange, a little gross at first, but remembering what that incredible mouth had done to him made him hot again. Severus shifted a little to have a better access to Harry's mouth, and it was then that Harry realized how hard Severus was.
He managed to pull his lips out of the kiss, and with laboured breathing, asked shyly, "Do
you want me to… do the same thing to you?"
"Do you want to?" Severus asked, his voice hoarse.
"I… I'm not sure I'm ready to do that, but I want to please you. Show me what I can do."
"Just do what you want to, my love." And Severus went back to the kissing. He seemed to like it a lot, as well as marking Harry's smooth skin with bites.
Harry's hands slid towards Severus' hardness by themselves. When they reached it, he was
amazed, it was so huge! He couldn't close his hand around it. He smiled when he felt his lover shiver under his touch. His other hand started fondling Severus' sacs while the other slid lazily from top to bottom on the shaft, rubbing the head with his thumb from time to time.
Severus, sucking on his neck again, began to thrust into the tunnel Harry had created. Suddenly he stopped and, looking straight into the eyes of his expectant lover, he asked,
"Would you let me show you something else while you are pleasuring me?"
"Yes. Oh, yes!" was the enthusiastic reply. Severus took his wand from the night table and mumbled, "Accio lubricant."
Harry stiffened a bit but Severus reassured him, "Remember, I'll do nothing you don't want me to and we won't go all the way tonight, okay? Just tell me if you are uncomfortable."
Harry slowly nodded and resumed his activities. He loved the sounds he could cause; it was so intoxicating to have the power to do that! Just hearing his lover made him hard again.
Harry felt a slick finger hovering at his entrance. He shifted a little but did not stop his ministrations. The finger stroked him, and alternated with massaging his arse cheeks. The other hand was cupping his neck and brought him to another soul-searing kiss.
They were both moaning when the finger became more daring and penetrated Harry's tightness. Harry broke the kiss and moved his head to one side mewling softly in pain. "Shhh… do you want me to stop?" Severus asked sweetly.
"No, it just feels so big, and it hurts a little. Is that normal?" Harry whispered.
"Yes love; it always hurts a little at the beginning. Do you want me to stop?" Severus repeated, concerned.
Harry just entangled his hand in his lover's hair pushing him down for another kiss before returning to stroke him.
The finger slid in and out at the same pace as the strokes Harry was administering to Severus, while the latter's lips bit and licked all he could reach. He placed butterfly kisses on Harry's jaw, sucked at the same spot on his neck, making the mark grow larger and larger each time he did it. He licked and bit the other side of his neck too. As a potions Master, he liked it when things were well balanced, after all.
The questing finger suddenly withdrew but before Harry could protest, it came back with a friend. Harry had to bite his lip to stop his whimpers of pain. Severus stopped until he felt Harry relaxed, and he began to scissor his fingers in his hole. His other hand landed on Harry's inner thigh and stroked it lightly.
Then, something happened, Severus found Harry's magic spot. Harry broke the kiss again and threw his head back on the pillow.
"Oh My God!! Do that again please!" he begged. "What was that?" he asked incredulously.
Severus chuckled, "Master Harry, let me introduce you to your prostate. Do you want me to continue?"
"Oh please!"
They were now acting more like wild animals, Harry fisting Severus faster and faster, and rubbing the head over and over again while Severus was stroking his sweet spot repeatedly, until Harry exploded with another incredible climax.
This time his climax provoked his lover's completion as well. They were both panting afterwards. Harry brought his seed-covered hand to his mouth and licked it tentatively. He proceeded to suck it, wanting to know exactly what it tasted like, when his hand was pushed
away and his lips were ravished ferociously again.
Seeing Harry lick his seed- covered hand was one of the most erotic things Severus had seen up to then. He could not stop himself from ravishing the owner of the teasing tongue. When the need for air became unbearable, they parted slightly allowing Severus to cast a cleaning spell on them both.
They fell asleep in each other's arms, hands and legs intermingled, Harry's head resting on Severus' shoulder, and his lover's hand on the small of his back.