A BIIIIIIIIIIIG Thank you to my beta Becca (You are wonderful!) and of course to Mimo-chan and Melian who didn't stop poking me to write faster!

"……" talking

/ italics/  thoughts

*****

Chapter 8: Addiction (part 1)

Harry woke up feeling dizzy and feverish. As he was slowly regaining consciousness his mind registered two things. First, he was in a bed, which was odd because he didn't remember going to bed the night before. Second, he wasn't alone in the said bed, judging by the strong thin arm that was embracing him from behind.

Harry opened his eyes and discovered that he was in his room and by the light he could see filtering through the closed curtains, it was around midday.

He was still not panicked by the fact that there was someone else sharing his bed, naked.  That someone was a man, apparently, as no woman could have *that* particular part pressed against him tightly.  Considering this, Harry lowered his eyes and studied the arm that was resting on his waist. 

Pale skin with dark hair… he knew that arm. He caressed it lightly before entwining their fingers together. As a response, the arm tightened its grip and Harry suddenly knew who the mysterious man was: Severus.

To be sure, he turned around and came face to face with him. It was the first time Harry had seen him asleep. His face looked peaceful. Was it due to sleep, or the fact that Harry was lying in his arms, the younger wizard wondered. He snuggled closer and sighed happily.

The dizziness was almost gone, but not the fever. His memory was confused, but if it had made him land next to a naked Sev, there was nothing to complain about. He ran his fingertips over his lover's face: the strong jaw, the Roman nose, the smooth lips… The latter suddenly parted and sucked lightly on the inquisitive fingers. Harry squeaked and the neutral mouth turned into a smirk. The obsidian orbs opened and gazed at him.

"Good morning," Harry murmured.

"Good morning to you, too," his lover replied. Severus' smirk vanished and was replaced by a concerned look. "Are you feeling ok?" he asked.

"Completely ok, Sev. Well, except for the fever, but it's no big deal."

Suddenly, Severus caught the hand that was gently caressing him and looked at Harry, furious.

"What the hell did you think you were doing yesterday?! Going to Diagon Alley alone, and worst of all, entering Knockturn Alley! Have you forgotten what I've told you about that place?" he roared.

Harry's eyes turned as cold as ice. He sat up, pushing away from the embrace and shouted,     "No, I haven't! But I don't see why I wouldn't be allowed to go to a place well known by my whole family. I didn't want to be left out," he finished sarcastically.

"You could have been hurt! Killed! You were almost kidnapped, bloody hell!"

Harry was about to reply when he felt something burn inside of him. He let out a gasp of pain and lay back on his bed, his eyes shut.

Severus didn't lose one second; he covered his young master with his blanket and asked him where it hurt, even if he were pretty sure he knew the answer already.

"My chest," Harry whispered. He continued, "Why does it hurt like this?"

"It's because of the drug," Severus replied.

"What drug?" Harry asked, confused. Then the events of the day before slowly came back to him. "I was sure it was just tea; we drank from the same pot!" he exclaimed.

"The man you met covered your cup with the drug. Do you… Do you remember what happened after you drank it?" the older man asked ill-at-ease.

"Well, no, not exactly. I only remember I was very hot and then, nothing."

Severus sighed heavily. He knew that what he was going to say would not be taken well.

"The drug you were given came from a potion I created for your father. It's called "Désir" and is used to tame the new recruits of the 'entertainment houses' the Malfoys own."

Harry's expression was blank. Severus continued. "The potion acts like an aphrodisiac. When you drink it, you suddenly feel the need to touch and to be touched by all persons you see. At the same time, your will is annihilated, as well as your morals. You will do anything and let others do anything to you. The intense desire disappears once you've reached climax, but it doesn't mean that the potion has worn off."

"Well, as I'm able to think now, it means that I 'reached climax,' doesn't it? Who…?" Harry asked, his voice shaking a little.

"Me," Severus answered curtly, eyes downcast. He couldn't look his young lover in the eye. "I would never have let anyone touch you against your will. I know my actions were as bad as the bastard who gave you the drug, but at least… At least I know you are not repulsed by me, I know that you love me. Don't you?" While saying that, Severus was berating himself for being so pathetic, but he couldn't help it.

Harry said nothing. The silence lasted for a minute or two, during which, Severus was sure his heart was going to break. Finally, the young man whispered, "I do love you. My heart tells me this; but right now, you, Dad and Draco… you all repulse me. I can't understand… How can you? How can you still look at yourself in the mirror in the morning? Don't you feel shame? Guilt?" He turned his back to the potions master. "Just leave me alone."

"Well, I'll leave you now, but only because I need to go and make the antidote. Please Harry, I'm not asking for forgiveness, but take care of yourself. The following hours are going to be difficult, so don't hesitate to call for a maid or a house elf or… even me. I'll be there for you. Please, remember that." With those last words, Severus left the room, defeated, but also determined to create the potion as quickly as possible.

He leant against the closed door to regain his composure, then took off. As he was rapidly heading to his potions lab, he came face to face with his master, Lucius. He did not look happy. In fact he seemed ready to kill. Severus stopped dead in his tracks. They locked eyes, Lucius' icy and deadly, and Severus' impassive. Eventually, Severus was the first to look away, and lowered his eyes to the floor.

"So," his master said in a silky voice, "Draco told me. Of course, the worthless little piece of shit that dared to touch my son died. Very painfully. And slowly. But not before telling me what he had done to him."

Severus said nothing.

"Désir?" Another pause. "And… You took care of Harry yourself? You helped him get rid of it?"

More silence.

"It was you."

"…"

"The one who gave him the hickey. The one he didn't want me to know about. The one he… LOVES!" Lucius said through greeted teeth. "How did this happen? Did you drug him? Force him? I swear if you've done anything to harm him, you are dead. Oh, you won't die like the other one. No, it will be more painful and you'll lose your soul!" he shouted. "Look at me when I speak to you!"

Severus quickly looked into his master's eyes again. He had never seen him like that. His eyes glowed with something like a mix between madness and pure fury. The potions master could feel magic crackling in the air; deadly, threatening magic directed towards him. But right now, he didn't care; he was furious too. His own look darkened, and he barely restrained himself from hexing Lucius on the spot.

"I would never do that to him!" he hissed. "Even if you can't or won't believe it, I LOVE him like I have never done before! It was something I couldn't control. It just overwhelmed me. He is everything to me. Before, I would have died protecting him because it was my duty. Now, I would die protecting him because I wouldn't be able to LIVE without him. I know you think it's wrong; I thought so myself, but then it feels so right! Like we belong together! I know I won't be able to do anything against you if you decide to break us apart, but I'll be damned if I don't die trying!"

His last words echoed in the heavy silence surrounding them in the corridor. Neither of them said a word for a few minutes. It was a contest of murderous glaring. If looks could have killed, they would have been both reduced to ashes by now. Then, "How is he?" Lucius asked in a controlled voice.

"He is not feeling well, as would be expected. He has a light fever for the moment, but, as you know, it will worsen quickly. And… if you were going to see him, I think it would be wiser for you to delay the visit. For the moment, he is, and I quote, 'repulsed' by you, Draco and me. He verbally kicked me out of his room. I was on my way to the lab to make the antidote."

Lucius' face was inscrutable, but Severus saw the hurt look that had flashed in his eyes when he heard that his beloved son was disgusted by him. With no other words, he simply turned on his heel and went back to where he came from.

~*~*~*~*

Since his dream, Draco hadn't been able to go back to sleep. He was obsessed and distraught. The dream kept playing again and again in his mind, each time both wonderful and horrible. "I'm a monster. We're brothers!"

"Well, technically, you aren't really," a little voice whispered.

"Yes we are! We have the same father!"

"But not the same genes. Not the same blood."

"Yes we do! Even if father was using a potion by the time he was with Harry's mother, and so was different from what he normally is, deep down he was and is the same! Oh Merlin, Harry! How am I ever going to look at you now without having the impression of tainting you with my sinful mind?"

/ He was so sweet, with his golden skin so smooth… his lips so red and full. They were begging to be ravished! And his eyes, oh gods, his eyes… never have jewels had their brightness! They were hypnotizing me. I want him. Oh, kill me now! I LOVE him in a way no brother should!/ Tears were rolling freely down his cheeks as he was pulling on his hair like the madman he felt himself to be. He sat heavily on his bed, his face in his hands, moaning and sobbing continuously. Then he stood up suddenly and faced the mirror placed above his fireplace. "You are a MALFOY for fuck's sake! And Malfoys do not linger on pathetic things like that! He is your little brother and nothing more! It was just a dream! Just a bloody dream! It meant nothing at all!" As he was saying that, he dried his face and showed more and more determination about what he was saying.

Finally under control, he went to his bathroom to tidy himself up, then went to the dining room to take his breakfast. There, to his surprise, he met Sirius. 

Between him and Draco things were… well not very warm. They weren't after each other's blood, mind you! It was just that they were not very close. After all, Draco met him only after meeting Harry, and Sirius was rarely seen at the Manor. He came very rarely and only to see his godson. So far, they had just shared small talk: remarks on the weather or the latest Quidditch match. Seeing the Animagus sitting in the dining room with Narcissa and eating breakfast peacefully was indeed quite a shock.

Draco recovered quickly. He went to his mother, kissed her cheek and then greeted Sirius as warmly as he could before sitting down himself. After digging in to his scrambled eggs, he asked, "I'm sorry if I'm being rude but… what are you doing here?"

Sirius put his cup of coffee down before answering with a glare. "I was in the search squad, too, yesterday. I stayed to know how things were going to be. I'm worried about him too, you know."

"Sorry," Draco murmured sheepishly. This attitude made Sirius' eyebrow rise; it wasn't usual to see a Malfoy in that position. Before he could comment on it, Lucius stormed in. He stopped at the head of the table and said in a cold and controlled voice, "Harry is not feeling very well, so he will stay in his rooms for a while. None of you is allowed to see him. Even you Siri," he added before the Animagus could speak a word. "Is that perfectly clear to all of you?" Draco and Sirius nodded; Narcissa just calmly took a bite of her toast.

Then, as rapidly as he had come, Malfoy senior went out of the room.

"Well, that was some speech," Sirius said sarcastically. "I wonder if it's because of what happened yesterday, or if he has discovered his baby boy's little secret..?" he muttered. To the others he said, "I wonder if love is a blessing or a curse for the world?"

"Excuse me?" Draco asked, confused.

"Suddenly, I'm in the mood for deep reflection! No, I mean, usually people say that love is a blessing, don't they?"

"Well, yes."

"But in fact, it's difficult to say…"

At that point, Narcissa stood up and left the room without a word. Both men were startled by it, but then they shrugged. It wouldn't be the first time she had acted like that. Draco thought for a moment and said, rather angrily, "Just before mother's departure, you said that love could be a curse or a blessing. But I don't see things like that. I think that love is a weakness, nothing useful." Inwardly, he was trying to convince himself with it.

Sirius looked at him curiously, a little astonished by his outburst. He then replied, "I can understand your point of view. But I don't agree with you. Let me explain my thoughts about the duality of love. Look at your family history; the Malfoy who built the family wealth did it because of love. That can be seen as a blessing, but he used Dark Arts and other not so great methods to do so. Then, he extended his dark connections because his wife, the woman he had fought for, was cheating on him.

"After that, no Malfoy heir was allowed to marry for love. Each had an arranged marriage, like you will. But then, with the case of your father… he found true love. Something so beautiful it made him change some rules. Oh, don't get me wrong, it wouldn't have been the first time a Malfoy took a mistress, but Lily was not that. She was his wife. She is still his wife. Now, and surely until his death, he'll always see himself as a widower. But the really, truly amazing thing, is the fact that Lily was a Muggle-born.

"I have to make myself clear. For generations, Malfoys were raised to believe that Muggle-borns, 'Mudbloods', were lower beings. Almost seen as nothing. It's surprising that you, Draco, are not like that. I suppose that unconsciously, Lucius left out all the nasty remarks he was supposed to make about them when he was with you. You have to understand that Luc's father, your grandfather, raised him like that. I know he sent him into the Muggle world, but it was because he was a true believer of the motto, 'to defeat your enemy, know him better.' That was his mistake. It allowed Luc to open his eyes. To make his own opinion on the matter.

"And then, love struck him. Hard. And that was a blessing. For them both. Then they gave birth to Harry. And that was another blessing of love.

"But..." Sirius' voice wavered, "She died… Because of him. Because she was his heart. I know he will never regret meeting her, even if her loss will always make him suffer. That's the greatness of love. Even when you suffer, it helps to lessen the pain. It illuminates your life until the time of your passing away.

"So, if you ever come across that feeling, a Love so great it consumes you, don't turn away because you think it's a weakness. It would be the greatest mistake of your life."

They were both silent for a long moment after that.

Eventually, Sirius added, laughing, " Whew! I astonished myself with that little speech! Remus would have been proud of me." Then more seriously, "I meant it. Think about it before making any decisions, okay?"

Draco merely nodded before going out of the room, his mind in turmoil.

*~*~*~*

/ Ha! Love is the greatest thing in the world! What kind of girlish bullshit is that? Was he high or something? 'If you come across that feeling, don't turn away,' indeed!/  Draco was thinking without looking where he was going. /What would he say if he knew at whom those feelings were directed? Huh?/ He took his head in his hands like a madman, destroying his carefully done hairdo.

/ No! It's NOT love! It's just some perverted fantasy that's going to fade away very quickly! I absolutely don't want to run my hand through his soft, unruly hair, to feel its silkiness, to stroke his golden skin, to taste it, to kiss him passionately until he passes out from lust and love and desire… NO! Stop that right now, you sick bastard!/ Draco was completely losing it. His internal battle with himself was becoming impossible to handle.

He stopped abruptly in an attempt to calm himself. He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, he realised that his feet had led him to Harry's door.

"Oh Merlin!" he said under his breath. He was going to make a hasty retreat when he heard a moan of pain coming from inside. Then another. Worried, he hesitated to enter, but a third moan put him into action. Slowly, carefully, as if dealing with hot steel, he softly knocked on the door and turned the handle.

*~*~*~*

A/N: Hi! *hides quickly behind a rock* Hum, sorry for the time I took to write this. I hope it was worth the wait. From now on, I won't make promise on when I'm going to update as the question is a very difficult one. Now I have little time and energy because of my studies but I'm doing my best and I swear I'm gonna finish WHPBHM. It'll just take some time. Hope you'll not be too mad at me…

A/N2: HAPPY NEW YEAR!! My good resolution: finishing my fic before 2005 (well, one can always hope…)

A/N3: I'm sorry this chapter is shorter than the others but I really have more and more difficulties to come up with ideas and my writing skills are not as good as I want them to be.

A/N4: for those who wanted a threesome, and you were quite a lot, I'm sorry to disappoint you but it definitely won't be one. Not that I'm against! No, no, when it's well written I think it's brilliant, but here, I just don't think it fits. Because, really, Harry sees Draco as a brother and nothing else.

A/N5: just to say that I repost all the previous chapters without the atrocious grammar and weird spellings (again, THANK YOU Becca!)

A/N6: A HUGE THANK YOU TO ALL  OF YOU WHO REVIEWED AND SENT ME FEEDBACKS! YOU ARE THE BEST!

Anna may

Furies

HPIceAngel

Lee

Trisha Balmer: I'm sorryyyy! Well, it's not really a bad Draco but, a rather tormented one; is it okay though?

Ambrosia-ku-Ran

Chibikit

Lolita

Cassa- Andra

Quickjewel

Lady Shadow

Trunks-  01

Jane

Lolin : are you dead ? please tell me you are not! Here is the new chapter!

Dedicated fan: it took a looooooooooong time but yes! They are up now! For how long I don't know though…