Knights and Eros Bound
Chapter 15
Anakin awoke to the smell of hot food that was permeating their small
quarters, and realized that he was hungry, even starving.
"I thought I'd give you breakfast before you slept through lunch,
Toboo." Kampher called to him.
"What time is it?" Anakin asked sleepily as he rolled over to face
her. Kampher's eyes were dancing with good humor and her dark hair
was still wet with curls from her shower. Obviously she hadn't been
awake for long either.
"Nearly eleven, standard time, I'm not sure what the shipboard time
is."
"Where's Schurke?" Anakin asked as he sat up, a little more awake now.
"Probably off finding someone to 'explore the living force with' as he
likes to call it." Kampher sighed. "Unfortunately, if he takes a
lover, we'll know about it."
Anakin furrowed his eyebrows as he began to eat. "Unless he chooses
not to tell us. we're Jedi, not seers."
Kampher shook her head. "Anakin, it's a lingering effect of the
bonding. If one of us, well, feels strong emotions. And Schurke has
always been. a bit of a projector anyway."
Anakin groaned. "And how long will this last?"
"Only a few days," Kampher assured him. "Anakin, don't judge him too
harshly for it."
Anakin put his fork down on the plate, astonished. "J-j judge him?" he
asked, incredulous. "Why should I do that? It is his way, not mine."
"Nor that of the Order." Kampher added. "Jedi are allowed to have
lovers, Schurke has always taken that ideology to the extremes. Master
Astengasi despaired of him... He told Schurke that one day he would
have to choose between his lovers and the Order... "
"But why?" asked Anakin through a mouth full of sausage. "Schurke has
always put the Order first." he trailed off; suddenly it all became
clear to him.
"Schurke takes lovers to try to gain acceptance." Anakin said slowly.
"He feels as if he'll never be good enough."
"That is part of it, yes." Kampher agreed. "But he also believes that
the Order is too limiting. too restrictive."
"Not open to the new experiences." Anakin finished softly. Yes, he
understood completely. The Order was outdated in all its beliefs. on
love. on true friendship. on family.
"You knew your mother." Anakin said suddenly. "Last night. during the
bonding."
Kampher nodded, her eyes never leaving his. "Yes. I didn't come to the
Temple until I was about six. old for an initiate."
Anakin could only stare at her, unable to reply. Thankfully, Kampher
seemed to understand.
"My mother was a Jedi Healer. she went to a planet near the outer rim
to help with a relief mission. A long term affair that ended with a
'long term affair[,]', so to speak." Here she giggled; any pain of
separation had long been put behind her. "I was raised by my mother
there, on Bastion."
"Did you know your father?" Anakin blurted out, unable to control
himself.
"No," Kampher said brightly. "Not that it mattered at all. Mother
began training me in the ways of the Force as soon as I was able to
reach for it. I learned the elements of the healing arts while most
children were playing with toys." Again she laughed. "My poor dolls.
always suffering from one malady after another."
Carefully, Anakin broached the subject of he mother again. "What
happened to her?" He asked softly. "She's. she's gone isn't she.?"
"Yes." Kamph replied, the humor slowly dissipating. "When I was about
five. nearly six. She never came home. I spent time living with the
other healers until the Jedi came for me."
"But you. you remember her. have feelings for her." Anakin pressed.
"Yes," Kampher admitted. "I knew she had passed, and I grieved for her
as only a child can. but as I grew up in the Crèche, she became more
of a dream to me. The other younglings became my family, the Jedi."
Here she paused. "But I dream of her Anakin. sometimes I still do."
Anakin bowed his head. "I still dream of my mother sometimes. I wonder
why I couldn't save her."
"But know this, Anakin." Kampher interrupted him, placing her hand on
his heart. "You mother, my mother, all that we know and love is with
us. as long as we don't forget them. it is the way of things."
Anakin pulled away reluctantly. "I know." he replied, but somehow
Kampher remained unconvinced. "I need to find a place to stretch," he
said feebly. "Maybe clear my head."
"Anakin." Kampher called softly, "Don't waste time grieving for what
was."
"No," Anakin admitted. "It's just that. I hate not knowing."
"Not knowing is part of the journey, Ani." she told him gently. "If we
spend all of our time looking back."
"I'll miss what's coming." Anakin finished for her. "Kamph."
"You have your wife, Toboo. have you thought about what you'll do
after the war? Will you stay with the Order?"
"I don't know. Padmé and I haven't really discussed it." It was a lie
and they both knew it. "I mean."
Kampher smiled again. "Go stretch, Ani. Clear your thoughts. After
supper we can tease Schurke about settling down."
Anakin laughed, already feeling better. "Okay, you win. we'll ask
Schurke what his thoughts on 'family life' are. drive him to
distraction."
They both knew that they were avoiding the inevitable, the discussion
of Gris. So much for looking forward. at least for right now.
Chapter 15
Anakin awoke to the smell of hot food that was permeating their small
quarters, and realized that he was hungry, even starving.
"I thought I'd give you breakfast before you slept through lunch,
Toboo." Kampher called to him.
"What time is it?" Anakin asked sleepily as he rolled over to face
her. Kampher's eyes were dancing with good humor and her dark hair
was still wet with curls from her shower. Obviously she hadn't been
awake for long either.
"Nearly eleven, standard time, I'm not sure what the shipboard time
is."
"Where's Schurke?" Anakin asked as he sat up, a little more awake now.
"Probably off finding someone to 'explore the living force with' as he
likes to call it." Kampher sighed. "Unfortunately, if he takes a
lover, we'll know about it."
Anakin furrowed his eyebrows as he began to eat. "Unless he chooses
not to tell us. we're Jedi, not seers."
Kampher shook her head. "Anakin, it's a lingering effect of the
bonding. If one of us, well, feels strong emotions. And Schurke has
always been. a bit of a projector anyway."
Anakin groaned. "And how long will this last?"
"Only a few days," Kampher assured him. "Anakin, don't judge him too
harshly for it."
Anakin put his fork down on the plate, astonished. "J-j judge him?" he
asked, incredulous. "Why should I do that? It is his way, not mine."
"Nor that of the Order." Kampher added. "Jedi are allowed to have
lovers, Schurke has always taken that ideology to the extremes. Master
Astengasi despaired of him... He told Schurke that one day he would
have to choose between his lovers and the Order... "
"But why?" asked Anakin through a mouth full of sausage. "Schurke has
always put the Order first." he trailed off; suddenly it all became
clear to him.
"Schurke takes lovers to try to gain acceptance." Anakin said slowly.
"He feels as if he'll never be good enough."
"That is part of it, yes." Kampher agreed. "But he also believes that
the Order is too limiting. too restrictive."
"Not open to the new experiences." Anakin finished softly. Yes, he
understood completely. The Order was outdated in all its beliefs. on
love. on true friendship. on family.
"You knew your mother." Anakin said suddenly. "Last night. during the
bonding."
Kampher nodded, her eyes never leaving his. "Yes. I didn't come to the
Temple until I was about six. old for an initiate."
Anakin could only stare at her, unable to reply. Thankfully, Kampher
seemed to understand.
"My mother was a Jedi Healer. she went to a planet near the outer rim
to help with a relief mission. A long term affair that ended with a
'long term affair[,]', so to speak." Here she giggled; any pain of
separation had long been put behind her. "I was raised by my mother
there, on Bastion."
"Did you know your father?" Anakin blurted out, unable to control
himself.
"No," Kampher said brightly. "Not that it mattered at all. Mother
began training me in the ways of the Force as soon as I was able to
reach for it. I learned the elements of the healing arts while most
children were playing with toys." Again she laughed. "My poor dolls.
always suffering from one malady after another."
Carefully, Anakin broached the subject of he mother again. "What
happened to her?" He asked softly. "She's. she's gone isn't she.?"
"Yes." Kamph replied, the humor slowly dissipating. "When I was about
five. nearly six. She never came home. I spent time living with the
other healers until the Jedi came for me."
"But you. you remember her. have feelings for her." Anakin pressed.
"Yes," Kampher admitted. "I knew she had passed, and I grieved for her
as only a child can. but as I grew up in the Crèche, she became more
of a dream to me. The other younglings became my family, the Jedi."
Here she paused. "But I dream of her Anakin. sometimes I still do."
Anakin bowed his head. "I still dream of my mother sometimes. I wonder
why I couldn't save her."
"But know this, Anakin." Kampher interrupted him, placing her hand on
his heart. "You mother, my mother, all that we know and love is with
us. as long as we don't forget them. it is the way of things."
Anakin pulled away reluctantly. "I know." he replied, but somehow
Kampher remained unconvinced. "I need to find a place to stretch," he
said feebly. "Maybe clear my head."
"Anakin." Kampher called softly, "Don't waste time grieving for what
was."
"No," Anakin admitted. "It's just that. I hate not knowing."
"Not knowing is part of the journey, Ani." she told him gently. "If we
spend all of our time looking back."
"I'll miss what's coming." Anakin finished for her. "Kamph."
"You have your wife, Toboo. have you thought about what you'll do
after the war? Will you stay with the Order?"
"I don't know. Padmé and I haven't really discussed it." It was a lie
and they both knew it. "I mean."
Kampher smiled again. "Go stretch, Ani. Clear your thoughts. After
supper we can tease Schurke about settling down."
Anakin laughed, already feeling better. "Okay, you win. we'll ask
Schurke what his thoughts on 'family life' are. drive him to
distraction."
They both knew that they were avoiding the inevitable, the discussion
of Gris. So much for looking forward. at least for right now.