A Phantom Menace Christmas Carol
When stingy ol' Palpatine refuses to let his evil cronies have Christmas day off, Darth Maul thinks of a plan to get the Master Sith to…change his mind.
Somewhere on Naboo, in a fancy looking house decorated in Christmas things somewhere on the planet, three young teenagers, two boys and one girl flocked to the fireplace, hoping to get their grandpa to tell the story this year.
"Hey, grandpa…it's that time of year again!" One of the male teenagers said.
"Oh, you mean the retelling of the 'Phantom Menace Christmas Carol'?" Grandpa asked.
"Yeah! Tell us again!" They said happily.
"All right, let's begin." The grandpa chuckled as he sat in the huge squishy chair.
"Long time ago, there were two groups in that lived in close proximity in the galaxy. Around the galaxy, there was the Trade Federation. There were mostly droids and evil Jedi in it, and they were under the leadership of a cold-hearted, mean and slightly deranged Sith."
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"All right, I know it's close to Christmas, but there won't be any celebrating the holidays for anyone!" Palpatine said over the podium as he got most of the evil people that worked for him together in one room.
"Aw!" The cronies groaned.
"Silence, you insignificant peons!" he yelled.
"But my Lord, we all have family and friends we'd like to see!" A random Sith said, (which I have named Weebl).
"Yeah! I want to taste some of the eggnog Weebl's sis made for us!" His best friend added, (who I have named Bob.)
"Fools! While those Galactic Republic morons are celebrating Christmas, we will be making preparations to take over the galaxy! Bwahaha!" Palpatine said. He noticed the looks they had on their faces.
"Don't give me that! The Trade Federation wouldn't be the great evil empire it is now if it wasn't for me!"
"..." Palpatine went away to plan something evil, and Weebl, Bob, and Darth Maul looked at each other.
"So what do you guys think?" Darth Maul asked.
"Screw taking over the galaxy! I want a holiday!" Bob complained.
"Palpatine may not want us to have the day off, but maybe we can change his mind or something." Weebl suggested.
"What? How are we going to pull that off?" Bob asked.
"I don't know." Weebl answered.
"…Hey, I've got an idea on how we can have Christmas off every year." Darth Maul said.
"Cool! What is it?" They asked.
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"Meanwhile, in the Galactic Republic lived practically all the good people it could have. People were always having fun because there were the Jedi who always kept the galaxy safe from the bad guys."
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On Coruscant in the Jedi temple, the Jedi council had everyone gathered in the main hall.
"You all have two weeks since you all have been such good Jedi, off!" Yoda said.
"Yay!" Everyone said happily.
"Thank you, Master Yoda!" One of the masters said, bowing.
"I shall make use of my vacation time!" He pointed towards the door where the ships were held in the docking bay.
"To Hoth!" He said. Most of the Jedi and their padawans ran to the door already wearing snow stuff and carrying skis, snowboards, and other things to play in the snow with. Padme Amidala, who had come to the Jedi temple for a visit, almost got ran over as she walked into the hall.
"Hey!" She yelled at them. Obi-Wan, who had decided to stay behind tapped her on the shoulder.
"Hey Padme, want to do lunch with me?" He asked.
"...I don't know Obi-Wan, I still got some Christmas shopping to do." She said.
"Oh c'mon! You can go shopping anytime! I'm sure you have fashion sometimes." He said, grabbing her hand.
"! Are you saying I have bad fashion?" Padme asked dangerously.
"Huh? What do you mean?" Obi-Wan asked. CLOBBER! Qui- Gon and Padme stood over Obi-Wan.
"He's coming to." The older Jedi said.
"…Darn! I thought he'd just stay like that!" Padme grumbled.
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"Grandpa! The last time you told us this story, the young Jedi got to go out with the young queen!" One of the boys said.
"This is the 21st century, Billy! A woman can say no to a man's advances!" His sister said to him.
"Grandpa! I thought most of the male Jedi got to go to dance clubs for the holiday!" Their brother said.
"Oh well, let's just say that there were too many Jedi and they all got kicked out." Grandpa said.
"Is it because they all got drunk and..."
"Er, let's continue the story, shall we?" Grandpa suggested.
"Yeah!"
"Now where was I? Oh yes."
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"He's coming to!" Qui-Gon said.
"Darn! I wish he stayed like that the whole day!" Padme grumbled.
"Wha...what happened?" Obi-Wan asked, getting up.
"Padme socked you." The older Jedi answered.
"Oh sure, give it out, Qui- Gon." Padme mumbled.
"...Fine, be that way." Obi-Wan grumbled, marching off.
"I don't need her." He mumbled to himself as he disappeared down another hallway. Suddenly, the front door of the temple rang.
"Obi-Wan? Could you get that please?" Mace Windu asked as he passed by.
"..." Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and opened the door, and what do you know, Darth Maul, Weebl and Bob were standing at the door.
"Eh?" He said.
"Good afternoon, padawan of Qui- Gon." Darth Maul said.
"Well, well, it's the evil witches of the West. What are you doing here? Won't our goodness melt you?" Obi-Wan asked.
"We've come to ask you guys a favor." Darth Maul said.
"...I don't know.there's all these unhappy Jedi here who would love to take a whack at you now." Obi-Wan said.
"Who's at the door, Obi-Wan...Sith?" Qui-Gon ducked back into the temple and instead of his lightsaber, he had a bazooka gun facing towards the Sith.
"!"
"You freaks killed me off!" Qui-Gon threatened them. Mace Windu, who had passed by again, noticed the giant gun in Qui-Gon's grasp.
"Eh? Qui-Gon! Put that thing down before someone gets hurt!" Mace ordered.
"...Darth Maul? What are you doing here?" he asked.
"I've come to ask you Jedi a favor."
"Eww! Get away from me you dog! I'm not a tree!" Bob's voice said.
"Okay, what is it?" Mace asked.
"Mace! Those are Sith you're trusting!" Qui-Gon hissed at him.
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"…I don't know about this…what if you're setting us up?" Qui-Gon asked after they informed them of the plan.
"It's almost Christmas anyway, so he wouldn't do that! Besides, I think it'll benefit both sides." Mace said.
"Are you in?" Darth Maul asked.
"Yeah."
"Great…I've got everything prepared, but I just need a Palpatine lookalike." Darth Maul said.
"Weebl, why is that rancor sniffing me?"
"I don't know, Bob.I think they only approach things that look tasty to them."
"…What are you trying to say?"
"Uh." Mace thought about whom was going to be a Palpatine lookalike when Supreme Chancellor Valorum of the Galactic Senate happened to just enter the room right there.
"Howdy y'all! Where's the can?" He asked.
"I think we found our man." Darth Maul said.
"Valorum, can you act?"
"I can act like a man." He answered heartily.
"Um, well I should hope so. I guess you'll do. Oh, Mace, I need those two Jedi and a couple of young ladies. Meet me at the entrance of the Senator's house tonight."
So then…
"Brr, it's cold! I should've brought a cloak or something." Weebl said, standing outside the house shivering.
"Aren't you already wearing one Weebl?" Obi-Wan asked slyly.
"Now see here, Obi-Wan.!" Weebl started.
"Guys, take your differences out on Jerry Springer!" Padme said to them.
"The gods know that all men are immature."
"What's wrong, Padme? Too much hair spray on your head today?" Obi-Wan shot at her.
"…!" CLOBBER!
"..." Weebl stood back, looking in another direction.
"Eat that!" Padme yelled at Obi-Wan's unconscious body on the snowy ground.
"Uh, if you're done smacking around the young Jedi, Padme, let's go meet Maul and the others by the other side of the house." Weebl said.
Meanwhile, to the west of the really expensive mansion-looking apartment…
Darth Maul peeked inside the window of Palpatine's room and noted that he was sleeping in his bed.
"Good. Palpatine's asleep. We can go with our plan! Bob…Weebl…Weebl!"
"Sorry, Maul. I was having problems with these two! They keep arguing with each other! Must be love." Weebl said.
"!"
"Ha! Love? Yeah right!" Padme snorted, both Obi-Wan and herself looking pretty mad.
"Obi-Wan! Padme! Please pretend that you two get along because you'll both be working on this together." Maul said.
"Ha! Like I'd work with him!" Padme yelled.
"Hey I got the stuff you wanted Maul." Bob said, joining the rest of the group by the window.