Chapter Fourteen
They spent a week slowly travelling from place to place, not wanting to be found by anyone. Buffy couldn't remember being happier: despite his injury Spike was cheerfully lusty and several times he stopped the horse and pulled her off and made love to her by the road, because he just couldn't wait to get to the next inn. And neither could she.
Twice Buffy robbed coaches to get enough money for new clothes, food and somewhere to stay. It occurred to her to steal a horse too, but she rather liked riding with Spike, and he certainly didn't seem to have any objections.
At the end of the week Spike reluctantly suggested they go to Angel's. His excuse was that he didn't want Dawn to go off and get married without him, but when he casually said, "And I suppose you'll be wanting to see if the girls are okay," she knew he was worried about them too.
Her heart swelled with love.
And it was love. She'd never loved Riley and she'd known that, but he'd loved her, and oddly, that had seemed enough. She'd had a crush on Angel - a reciprocated crush, but a crush nonetheless. At the time she'd been sure it was love, but now she knew. Love was wanting to be with someone even when he annoyed the hell out of you, even when you knew you had no future with him. Wanting him so desperately your skin itched. Knowing that if he was taken away from you, you'd burn up and turn to ashes, because-
"Stupid bloody ponce," Spike muttered in front of her, and she shook herself.
"What?"
He nodded at the house just coming into view. "Angel. Look at that place. Five thousand rooms for him and his bint."
"Don't call Darla that to her face."
"Why? Never hurt before."
She smiled and rested her head on his good shoulder. She'd tell him, she decided. When they'd got to Angel's and seen everybody and talked about everything and they were alone again. Then she'd tell him. Her skin twitched with nerves. She wasn't afraid, exactly, because she was pretty sure he felt the same, but she was excited. This was the man she was going to spend forever with.
There was a horse trotting out of the stables, and its rider looked up when it saw Buffy and Spike ambling over the fields on their stolen horse.
"Spike?"
It was Dawn. She kicked her horse into a gallop, rushing towards them, and Spike muttered, "Silly little chit." But he didn't sound too annoyed.
"Where the hell have you been?" Dawn demanded when she reined in a few feet away.
"It's nice to see you too," Buffy murmured.
"Buffy?" The girl's face turned to a smile. "I didn't see you there. I thought - you're both here! That's great. Come on. I think Giles is in the library with Willow, I don't know where the others are..."
They followed her into the house, gathering people as they went. Tara was showing Darla and Cordelia a hairstyle in the parlour; Anya was talking about weddings to Xander in the drawing room. Angel came out of his office and they all met up in the library, where Willow was fetching down a book and Giles was reading at the big table.
Buffy stopped, and looked at the man she'd known since she was a child. She was so happy to see him she ran in and threw her arms around him, nearly knocking him over.
"You know, I might get jealous at that," Spike said, taking a half-smoked cigarette from behind his ear and sticking it between his teeth to light it.
"What happened to you?" Willow asked.
"Got shot," he said, a touch proudly, and Buffy rolled her eyes.
"Willow! How are you? And Tara? You're not hurt?"
Tara shook her head shyly and Willow said, "Nothing that won't heal. Where have you been? We were trying to find you..."
"Lying low," Buffy said easily. "But listen, I'm just so tired, we've been riding all-"
"Before you go," Giles said, and Buffy turned. Such small words. Meaningless, really. She'd no idea what was coming.
He handed her the letter he'd been reading, explaining, "It came this morning. From Virginia."
Surprised, Buffy took it.
"Spike," Dawn tugged at his sleeve. "Come look at the horse I bought."
"Bought?" he said, distracted. "With what?"
"That necklace you stole last week."
"Who've you been buying horses from?"
"Me," Angel said, and his expression said Dawn was a hard bargainer.
Spike grinned, proud of his girl. "I'll be outside, Buffy-?"
She nodded vaguely, not looking up. "I'll see you later."
She sat down at the table to read the rest of the letter. The others faded away: soon it was just her, Willow and Giles left at the big table. They exchanged worried glances as Buffy read.
Then she started laughing.
"All right, this is a joke, yes?"
"Erm, no," Giles frowned at Willow. "It's not."
"But it says here - they've issued a warrant for the arrest of one William Darling, also known as William the Bloody," she waved her hand to show she knew all this, and added in an incredulous tone, "also known as the Slayer?"
They both nodded.
"But that's insane! He's not the Slayer!"
"How do you know?" Willow asked.
"Because I'm the - because I know," Buffy finished lamely, aware that neither of them knew who she was. "He's not. He's never been to Virginia!"
"Actually, he has," Darla said, and they all jumped. None of them had noticed her lurking in the shadows.
"He has?"
"It's where we met," she said, coming forward. "After Angel had left you, Buffy, he teamed up with Spike. And then Spike left with some silly blonde twit - Harmony, I think her name was. And Angel asked me if I'd like to be his partner. We sort of migrated up here. Got a house when we found somewhere we liked."
Buffy noticed she said 'got', not 'bought', but she didn't really care.
"Spike was in Virginia?"
"Before all that with your fiancée," Darla said. "He'd left well before all that started. There was a lawman... Snyder? They crossed paths and Snyder wouldn't give up. I guess he pinned the Slayer things on Spike just to give himself an excuse."
Buffy stared at the letter. It was from her foreman, a tall dignified man called Wood who'd been taught to read and write by her mother. His writing was careful and his spelling appalling, but there was no mistaking what he meant.
'Theirs posters awl ova town fer him miss. The hole of Virginny wants his blood. Lookes like it mite be safe fer you ter come home.'
He'd known, of course. All the servants had known. They'd quietly hidden Faith, then buried her when she died. Wood had been the one to suggest Buffy and Joyce made a break for it at Riley's funeral.
"Wait, how did he know I was here?"
"Angel's letter," Darla said. "He'd already sent one to your mother, remember, before we knew she was dead. I guess this Wood of yours found someone to deliver it pretty quick."
"People did what he said," Buffy murmured vaguely. She looked at the poster Wood had enclosed. There was a very bad woodcut of someone who might be supposed to look a little bit like Spike: he had prominent cheekbones and a scar through one eyebrow, although she noticed it was the wrong one. But he was far uglier than her Spike. Whoever had made this picture had obviously never seen him.
"Right," she said. "So we just keep him away from Virginia, right?"
"Whatever you do, don't tell him Snyder's after him," Darla said. "Those two hate each other's blood. And," she pointed to a bit of the letter where Wood had massacred the spelling of 'militia', "he's got a lot of men behind him."
"There were a lot of men in Giles's village," Willow said. "He escaped them."
"After setting a village on fire and getting shot," Buffy said. "No. You're right. We have to keep him out of Virginia."
"It's four hundred miles away," Willow said. "That shouldn't be hard."
"...Anyway, the letter said Buffy's estate was in a really bad state," Dawn said, brushing the mane of her beautiful new horse, "so she should go right home."
"Home to Virginia?" Spike said. "It's kind of a long way..."
"I'm sure she wouldn't object to you going with her," Dawn said, and looked at him sideways. "I mean, you two are pretty... cosy..."
"That's enough," Spike said.
"Oh come on. You helped her save her friends, she saved your life, and besides, I've heard you two, remember?"
She thought she almost saw him blush.
"Are you going to marry her?" she asked uncertainly.
"Marry her? Are you mad?"
"Don't you love her?"
"Of course I bloody do," Spike sighed, and the admission didn't surprise him. "But she's... Well, I watched her take two coaches. She's way out of my league, Dawn, although if that gets out I'll have to kill you. She's the Slayer. The last thing I heard when I left the poof to his bint was, 'This is Slayer territory. Not worth staying'."
"So, you're pretty good too," Dawn looked up at him with a hint of admiration. "Maybe you could learn from her." He glared at her, and she amended, "Well, I mean, maybe you could be a team. Like you used to work with Angel."
"He told you that?"
"Yeah, he told me. And he told me all about Buffy. Does she have her memory back yet?"
"Yes," Spike said. "And she remembers a whole lot of trouble in Virginia."
"So... Maybe she shouldn't go back?"
"No, she'll go," Spike sighed. "I guess I'll just have to go too. Keep her out of trouble."
Dawn said nothing, but she was smiling.
Buffy listened to Spike tell her all about his time in Virginia, and wasn't it odd that their paths had never crossed, and he'd like to meet this Wood and see her house and where she'd made her first robbery, and weren't they going to have a fantastic time together? Oh and by the way, he loved her.
That was how he said it. They made love - they didn't have sex, they made love, and it was amazing - and as he pulled her sleepily against him afterwoods, he said in her ear, "By the way, Summers, I love you."
Buffy fell asleep with tears soaking into her pillow.
The thing was that she couldn't just up and leave him like before. It was different now.
He'd find her.
And if he found her, he'd be killed.
She'd read the rest of Wood's letter, explaining how, with no one there to stop them, the servants were just leaving. There were only a few left now, slaves bought by her father, people loyal to her family. And they were starving. There weren't enough of them to bring in any kind of crop, and when Wood had tried to trade a little of it, he'd been ignored. People didn't trade with darkies, he said, and he was right.
Buffy knew she had to go back. There were people there depending on her. She knew how to run the place - she'd been more interested in robbing coaches, but she'd paid attention to what her mother did all day. One day, Buffy knew she'd inherit the place.
And now she had. And it needed her. And she had to choose: her home and her family - because Wood and the others were her family - or Spike.
And if that was her choice then there was no choice. He'd find another woman. It's kill her to think of it, but he'd live without her. The world was full of women. He'd be all right. He'd have Dawn to scold and annoy, and women falling at his feet for a casual shag.
She had to leave him. It was simple.
She woke when it was early, having slept for about an hour. During the night she'd been making plans, and it bloody hurt, but now she had to see them through. She'd looked at it all over, and this was the only thing she could ever see working.
If it worked at all. She half hoped it wouldn't.
"Where's Angel?" she asked Cordelia in the entrance hall.
"He rode out with Darla about ten minutes ago," she said. "Boy, everyone sure is up early today."
"I have a lot to do," Buffy said, and went out to the stableyard. She saddled up a chestnut gelding and rode off towards the village, where she'd been told Angel and Darla were. And, sure enough, when she rode into the square there they were, a man bound with ropes suspended between the two horses.
He looked familiar.
"Hey, I know you," Buffy said, frowning.
"Bad luck for you," Darla said.
"Why have you got him tied up?" Buffy asked, trying to remember where she'd seen him before. So many memories had flooded back over the last week, it was tough trying to keep track of them all.
"He's the man who raped Drusilla," Angel said, and Buffy stared. The man glared at her, and she said slowly, "I know you."
"Godless devil-worshipper," he spat.
"Yep, I definitely know you. He's the guy who tried to have Willow and Tara burnt."
"They were-" the judge began, but Darla cracked her whip at him, and he shut up.
"He's not a nice chap," Angel said. "We've run afoul of him a couple of times. Lucky for us though, he likes bribes."
"What kind of bribe is it going to take to cover up his rape and murder of Dru and her family?" Buffy asked.
"I'm thinking a couple of pounds," Angel said, and lifted his pistol. He fired, and the judge slumped to the ground. "Of lead," he added, grinning, and let go of his end of the rope. Darla tugged on her end, and dragged the dead man away, followed by a crowd of fascinated villagers.
"How did you know?" Buffy asked, as Angel helped her up behind him.
"He turned up this morning looking for money. I'd had enough of him anyway," Angel said, "but then Dru came downstairs and started screaming, and he ran away... and we got the story from her."
"I didn't hear any screaming," Buffy said.
"You never do. You and Spike."
There was a pause. Angel turned his horse back to the house and Buffy absently curved an arm around his waist.
"Not that I'm complaining, but don't let our William see you do that," Angel said.
"What?"
"He gets very jealous over his women."
"Is that what I am? His woman?" Buffy snuggled a bit closer. "I'm no one's woman."
"Well, you two seemed pretty..."
"Cosy?" Buffy said in disgust.
"You hardly stop touching him."
"Well, he is very nicely shaped," Buffy said dispassionately. "And great in bed. Not as good as you, though," she let her hand slip down to his crotch, and Angel nearly fell off the horse.
"What are you doing?"
"Come on, Angel. Don't you want to play?"
"But - I thought you were with Spike!"
"I'm bored with him," Buffy said in his ear. "I want to play with you."
"He loves you," Angel said, and Buffy nearly screamed.
"So he says. You know, he was fun until he started saying that... You don't love me, do you, Angel?"
"Well, I-" Angel sounded flustered.
"Because you know, that's what put me off last time. The others never told me they loved me."
"What others?"
"The other men I had." She laughed. "You didn't think you were the only one, sweetie?"
Angel went very still.
"Oh, you did? That's adorable. And incredibly stupid."
Angel stopped the horse and slid off. "I think we need to-"
Buffy winked at him. "See you later," she said, hitching forwards into the saddle and riding off, leaving Angel yelling after her.
Her heart was thumping as she galloped away. That had not felt good. Touching Angel only reminded her how much she'd rather be touching Spike. Hurting Angel reminded her how much she didn't want to hurt Spike.
But she had to. She'd started now. She couldn't stop.
She left the horse for someone else to take care of, and strode into the house. "Doyle," she said, catching sight of him, "I'll need to borrow a couple of horses. I'm leaving today."
"Alone?"
"Well, I'm going to see if Giles will come with me," Buffy said. "That's where the 'couple' comes in."
She found Giles eating breakfast with Xander and the girls. "I'm leaving today," she announced. "I've been thinking about what Wood said in that letter and I need to go home."
Anya kicked Xander. "Ask her," she said.
"I'm going to!"
"Ask me what?" Buffy said, distracted.
"Well, we were kind of wondering... Since Giles's house and Anya's store got sort of totally ruined in the fire-"
"Oh no!"
"Well, we were thinking. As you're going down to Virginia, and you have this big house and everything, and in need of help..."
"Xander can mend things," Anya piped up. "And I'm very good with money."
"You want to come with me?"
They nodded.
"Of course you can," she smiled. "I'd be happy to have you."
They grinned in relief.
"What about you, Giles?" Buffy asked. "Do you want to come with me?"
He shook his head. "I think you've shown me you can stand on your own feet," he said, smiling slightly sadly, and on impulse she put her arms around him. "I'm going to Boston. I've a friend there who's repeatedly offered me a teaching position and I think I'll take him up on it. And I'll be taking the girls with me, too."
"Probably we won't be allowed to study properly," Willow said, "but if you put on an apron and carry a teapot you can get into any library in the world."
Buffy laughed. "I'm happy for you," she said, and meant it. "Xander, Anya, can you be ready to leave after breakfast?"
"It's not like we have a lot to pack," Xander said.
"I'll meet you in the stableyard in-" she broke off, distracted by a loud, annoyed voice from the lobby.
"She can take whatever the hell she likes," Angel snarled, and then Doyle came into the breakfast room and said, "No problem with the horses."
"Wow, something rattled him," Xander said.
"Erm, yes. Irishmen," Buffy rolled her eyes. "Look, I'll meet you in half an hour. There's something I, er, have to do..."
When she closed the door and saw Spike still fast asleep, sprawled bonelessly across the bed she'd shared with him, she almost changed her mind. With the bandage on his shoulder he looked vulnerable and she couldn't bear to hurt him.
But she'd started it now. She couldn't go back.
She started packing up the clothes and trinkets she'd acquired during her week with him. It wasn't much, but it was enough to fill a saddlebag.
She stopped as she came to a pink ribbon with a silk rose sew on it. She paused, then tied it around her neck. Spike had bought it for her at a fair they'd come to. She was dressed as a boy, but she'd put it on under her stock and loved it, because he'd got it for her. She had far more valuable things in her possession: ruby necklaces and gold watches and sapphire ear bobs; but she loved this silly, pretty thing, because he'd given it to her.
Her eyes stung, but she shook her head and told herself not to be so soft. That would get her nowhere.
She untied the ribbon choker and stuffed it in the bottom of her bag. Maybe Anya would like it.
She fastened the buckle on her saddlebag, and the clink woke Spike. He stirred, nuzzled the pillow and clutched at the sheets, frowning, then he rolled over and opened his eyes to see where Buffy'd gone.
He saw her fastening the bag, and said sleepily, "Buffy?"
Don't, she told herself. Don't fall. Don't give in. You have to do this.
If he follows you, they'll kill him.
"Hey," she said, slinging the bag over her shoulder. "You slept long enough."
"You wore me out." He stretched, looking like a big sensual cat, and Buffy flinched with desire. "You going somewhere, pet?"
"Yes," she said. "Home."
"Your plantation? Now?"
She nodded. "It's best. The place is in trouble, so..."
He paused, looking a little confused, a little hurt. He sat up in bed, and she watched his stomach muscles flexing and wanted to lick them.
"Don't I get to come with you?"
"Come with me?" Buffy forced a look of light puzzlement. "Why would you do that?"
A look of panic flared across his face. "Um, because I love you. Did you miss that part?"
She laughed, and it came surprisingly easy. Buffy supposed it was all those months laughing at Riley's jokes. "No, and it was very sweet of you to say so," she said. "You were great. Thanks."
He flinched visibly at that. "Goodbye and thank you? Is this a joke?"
If it is, it's not bloody funny, Buffy thought. "No," she said. "Look, you were fun and all, but did you really think I was going to take you with me? Happily ever on my plantation in the sun?"
Spike's guarded expression said that yes, that was what he'd thought.
"Oh, Spike. If you only knew how many men have thought that..."
"I do know," he said stiffly. "Angel and your Lieutenant Lousy."
Buffy laughed.
"You said there had-"
"I said there had been the two of them, yes," Buffy said. "I never said it was only the two of them." She hoped she hadn't said that. But then again, what did one more little lie matter? "Spike, listen. You were great fun. Really. You were nice in bed and-"
That brought him to his feet and he strode, naked and glorious, over to her. "Nice?"
"Well, sure. I mean, you didn't do anything wrong, exactly-"
"I made you scream."
"No, the boredom made me scream. I was composing recipes in my head most of the time."
He stared at her, apparently speechless. Buffy wanted desperately to tell him that when he was touching her the only thing she could possibly think of was him. Of she could think of anything at all. He made her mindless with pleasure.
I have to get out of here, she thought, and made to move away but Spike grabbed her arms and held them tight.
"Let go of me."
"You were faking it?"
"Well, of course I was. You were-"
"If you tell me I was fun again-"
"I won't, because you weren't. Kind of fun to look at, maybe, but soo intense. Look, the letting you down gently thing clearly isn't working."
"Clearly," he said through clenched teeth. She'd never seen him so angry and for a second or two she was afraid. But only a second.
"Did you think you were special? Did you think I loved you?"
He was silent, looking down. Buffy's toes curled and her eyes stung. God, he looked ruined.
"Did you think it was forever? You men never understand. Angel never did."
His head snapped up. "Angel-"
"-also thought I was madly in love with him. Spike, I'm not the loving sort of person. Maybe I was confused for a while because of the memory thing - and really, it was great of you to help me out like you did. Although I have to say: taking advantage of a girl like that is not a nice thing to do."
"I didn't take advantage. You let me - you made me-"
"I didn't make you do anything," Buffy said. She reached up and touched his short spiky hair. "You were always so eager. And I confess, I was a bit too. Like I said, I couldn't remember what it felt like to be with a man. To feel his hands on me. His lips on my skin. His weight on top of me. To feel him slide, hard and hot, inside me, moving..." She caught herself. This was getting her nowhere good.
"You were just convenient," she patted his cheek. "You reminded me. Now it's over." She gave him a cruel little wink. "Virginia's full of delicious men who are so much better than-"
Almost before she knew it, he'd lifted one hand and aimed it at her face, but she ducked it, shocked, and caught his arm, gripping hard.
"You're lying," he said, struggling against her. She was strong, but he was stronger, and really angry, too.
"You're a fool," she hissed. "You really thought I loved you? Like we had a future? Poor little lost Spikey, can't have children, only half a man. You're pathetic."
"You're a bitch."
"It took you this long to notice? I'm a highwaywoman," Buffy said as contemptuously as she could. "I don't give a damn about anyone."
"You-"
"It's over," Buffy said, and Spike stopped struggling and stared at her, so angry and so damn hurt Buffy nearly cried. "I'm leaving."
"You can't," he said tightly.
"I damn well can."
Spike's eyes closed, and she saw his lashes glisten with tears. She bit her own lip and stamped her foot and told herself not to cry. "I can't lose you again."
"As far as I remember, you never had me."
His eyes snapped open. "I had you, Summers. I had you every which way." He started backing her against the wall. "I had you from behind, I had you outside, I had you in broad daylight by the side of the road. I had you while your old boyfriend was listening. I had you on the back of a horse. I had you, tight and wet and screaming for me."
Buffy's breath caught again. Her bosom was heaving.
"Let go of me," she said.
"Why are you doing this to me?" Spike asked, and he sounded broken.
Because I love you, Buffy thought, and knew she'd never been more miserable in her entire life.
"Let go," she said, and when he didn't, she reached up to his injured shoulder and dug her fingers in.
He howled in pain and fell back and she shoved him to the floor, kicked his ribs for good measure, and stepped over him. She picked up her saddlebag and walked out of the room.
"Goodbye, William," she said, and closed the door.
Spike watched her go, his heart breaking, and wondered how the hell he'd got it so wrong.
Okay, just don't kill me yet. We all know the Spuffiness will prevail…
Or will it?
(More evil cackling. I just lurve torturing you all!)